Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

Before I critique Bale, I want to ask; is it okay if I bring up a character from my fanfic here? My concern is that she's not technically a character I came up with, but she was only ever in one movie and I'm fleshing out her personality, motivations and backstory way more than what the show itself gave her. In essence, she's more or less become my own character what with how much I'm expanding her, but she's not exactly an original character. I'm just expanding on the very little information the show itself gave her.

So...is that viable here, or no?

I think that sounds okay.

~Clancy Gardener, thanks for being patient, here's my critique of Bale:

I'll admit, I'm a sucker for crazy-intelligent mastermind villains, and the cult-leader aspect is also really interesting to me. So I was interested in him from the first few paragraphs. His ultimate goals fit his insane personality and abilities without being too simplistic. He sort of sounded like a comic-book villain; a crazy, chaos-seeking megalomaniac who's competent enough to be a real threat, even with a goal that is a bit out-there.

I also like how you made him a Card-Carrying Villain without making him seem too flat or cartoonish. It makes sense for his warped worldview for him to act like that. He's not being an evil bastard just because "he's the villain", but because he's warped into seeing it as the one most human way to act, and that's an interesting motivation.

So yes, I like him. Not the most complicated villain out there, but I think that's better in this sort of scenario, and he sounds like an interesting, threatening, and hate-worthy villain.

@Clancy Gardener Thanks for the review. Small is kinda bare-bones compared to how detailed everyone else is mostly because I don't go all out with the tropes and the fact that I'm still at the conceptual stage of the work and he has yet to make the actual appearance. Y'all's seem fully fleshed out by comparison.

Meet the Character Narrator, Big Neutral, and perspective character of a Sci-Fi novel I’ll probably write a few years from now. He’s a Sapient Ship^note In this case, a spaceship with an on-board AI with a mission, rebuild humanity in the form of Super Soldiers and one day restore them to their former glory.

Name: Builder II

Age: 51

Personality: Antisocial and highly observant, B2 hasn’t had much time to properly introduce himself to other people. He has an intellectual mindset, peppering his speech with eternal sophistication and seemingly always knowing something that you don’t. B2 views his creator status as a God looking upon mortals, with a hidden desire to.be approved of by his subjects. Like most self-proclaimed Gods, B2 has displayed sociopathic tendencies towards those he declared mortals, seeing their deaths as mere footnotes in the panels of history. But if there’s one word to describe him, it’s determined, he will have the next Galactic Superpower, no matter how many have to die in order to get there.

Abilities: The B2 itself is an enormous ship able to contain not one, but two artificial islands in a dome with a fake sky. The B2 AI has complete control over the ship, performing almost every need that the ship needs.

Goals: Rebuilding humanity from its former glory is the primary thing on B2’s mind, almost everything he does is built on making a "second humanity" that will restore the glory of those that once comprised mankind with extreme prejudice.

Motivation: Seeing the human superpowers fall (LongStory) from humongous, star spanning empires as newer factions gradually diminished their cosmic influence and forced them to retreat back to their home in the Milky Way… just in time for the sun to go into a Red Dwarf. The creator of B2 sought to recapture the former glory of mankind, and sent the B2 vessel into the cosmos to rebuild human civilization from scratch, a mission B2 would follow for the rest of its existence.

Role in the story: He isn’t exactly a challenge for the heroes to overcome, hence the small abilities section. In truth, B2 exists to compile the existence of the second humans. It explains what they were up to on a day-to-day basis, being the creator of the protagonists and the driving force of the narrative.

Name: Steven Mercer

Age: Late 20s, early 30s.

Bio: He is a serial killer with the powers of a hunter of nightmares (people who are able to enter a cognitive world and fight nightmares, monsters born from mankind’s fears and negative emotions). He is The Dragon to the Big Bad, serving as one of it’s top men and most devout followers.

Personality: While able to keep a Mask of Sanity as an affable business owner in his day to day life, he is in actuality a nihilistic misanthrope who desires eternal torture for all around him. He’s also very childish and petty, being willing to kill people for mildly slighting him, knowing he’s able to get away with it due to the supernatural nature of crimes. However underneath it all he is a broken and miserable Empty Shell who isn’t even able to take any pleasure in his crimes and his actions are driven by his pain.

Abilities: Aside from the regular powers a hunter of nightmares in this universe has (superhuman strength, durability, and powerful weapons, in his case a scythe and a sub machine gun) he has the ability to cause the deaths of people in the real world by killing their counterpart in the cognitive world (think Freddy Krueger except his victims are awake)

Weaknesses: Pettiness. He kills his landlord after he evicts him which tips off the main character towards his identity since the main character frequents the cafe he owns.

Goals: He wishes to create a world where mankind suffers in never ending pain and suffering at the hands of their worst fears, believing that it’s what mankind deserves for their perceived evil

Motivation: He believes that all of mankind is just as cruel and selfish as he is deep down and wishes to get back at the entire world over being wronged by a few people.

Role in the story: He is the main human villain of the story, serving as the top human agent for the Big Bad. Finding his identity serves as one of the main secondary goals of the plot.

Backstory: His father resented him, blaming him after his mother died giving birth to him (the sheer rarity of this happening in the modern world contributes to this though his father wasn’t the best person to begin with). He also grew more bitter and cynical after moving to the city. These alone didn’t make him a villain and he awoke to becoming a hunter of nightmares in the cognitive world. Then the Big Bad offered a chance to act out his rage at the world, with his father being his first victim. Teaming up with the Big Bad was what truly lead to his sanity declining and becoming evil, as it’s influence made his nihilism and misanthropy worse.

Relevant Tropes: Evil Is Petty, Psychopathic Manchild, Serial Killer, Dark Is Evil, Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds (he is meant to be seen as a tragic figure who takes little pleasure in his actions but is so broken that he wishes to destroy everything), Genre Savvy (he’s well aware the Big Bad will betray him after he’s outlived his usefulness but doesn’t care as he will already have what he wants by the time that happens), Hypocrite (the main character even calls him out for saying the world is a horrible while at the same time actively making it a much worse place), Straw Nihilist (the nightmare he works with even represents Nihilism), Tragic Villain, Graceful Loser (he ultimately accepts his fate in jail after the Big Bad’s defeat), Hidden Depths (He’s a good cook and a skilled business owner as the cafe he runs as a day job is very successful and well liked).

Let me know what you think. Sorry if it isn’t very good.

Edited by TheLivingDrawing on Aug 28th 2021 at 5:30:08 AM

Please critique the character above yours first.

Builder 2 sounds like a very interesting and compelling villain. The villain being the AI on a massive space ship sounds like a very good concept for a villain.

Edited by TheLivingDrawing on Aug 28th 2021 at 5:31:39 AM

Onto you, your guy sounds fun. I like that he's apparently a "good cook" despite being an otherwise awful human being. Gives him some -pardon the pun- flavor. He seems more interesting than just your garden variety serial killer.

Thanks. His cafe is a hangout spot for the real life sections of the game and he’s renowned for being really good at it. I gave him that largely to give him Hidden Depths. His boss fight (he is the penultimate boss of the game) also plays like a Mirror Boss where he counters several strategies and items. Also he ties into one of the major themes of the series, that evil doesn’t make you a happier person. All of the human villains are miserable people who suffer greatly due to their actions.

Edited by TheLivingDrawing on Aug 28th 2021 at 8:11:37 AM

Neat idea. Sounds like he fits the theming and the universe well.

I have a villain coming up in the new story I'm writing but I don't have his character solidified yet so it'll be a little bit before I'm ready to throw him into the ring

Edited by WarJay77 on Aug 28th 2021 at 8:43:18 AM

I have several other villains from this series too. I’ll post the main villain from the second game.

Name: James Clark, The Astray Messiah.

Age: Mid 20s

Bio: The older brother of the main character, Alex. A fellow Hunter of Nightmares he ends up going insane halfway through the second game and gains the power to rewrite human cognition. He plans to use this to make a perfect world where all of mankind’s negative traits and free will are removed.

Personality: He is a genuinely nice and compassionate man who ends up losing his mind. Even after becoming an antagonist he still wishes nothing but the best for the main characters and only opposes them out of necessity for his plans. He only wishes to create a world free of suffering but is an antagonist because his methods are severely misguided.

Abilities: Aside from his Halberd, which he can use as a bow, after becoming all powerful he adds power over the cognitive world to his arsenal.

Weaknesses: Compassion. He only wishes to make a world free of suffering and his unwillingness to hurt his brother and Elise, his best friend, ultimately leads to them being able to stop him.

Goals: He wishes to make a perfect world free from despair. Mankind would have no free will as a result but he believes it’s for the best.

Motivation: His Fiancé hid a medical condition she couldn’t afford to treat from him and ended up dying from it. His grief ended up destroying him as a person and implanted the desire to create a world free of suffering. He also lost his sanity (later revealed to have been subject to Mind Rape and wasn’t truly in control of his actions) halfway through the plot.

Role in the story: He is the Big Bad of the second half of the plot and his actions are what drive it.

Backstory: He awoke to being a Hunter of Nightmares shortly after his brother did, and was similarly a kind hearted and pure hero. However he was still reeling from the untimely death of his Fiancé and the desire to make people happy drove many of his actions.

Relevant Tropes: Anti-Villain, Well-Intentioned Extremist, Nice Guy, Messianic Archetype, Light Is Good, Light Is Not Good, Tragic Villain, Heartbroken Badass, The Lost Lenore, The Woobie (he may be an antagonist but his lack of evil or desire for destruction makes him this instead of a Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds), Sanity Slippage, A God I Am (he is theme around holy imagery and the final dungeon is a palace in heaven), Utopia Justifies the Means, The Evils of Free Will, Anti-Nihilist, Humans Are Bastards (he less believes that humans are evil but rather that them having free will isn’t worth those who abuse it), Together in Death, Redemption Equals Death (he only regains his sanity after being mortally wounded), Driven to Suicide (it’s implied that him attacking the main characters after his defeat was a suicide attempt out of guilt and to be with his Fiancé).

If he sounds like The Dreamer he was inspired by him but also by tragedies that occurred to my friends and seeing them happen.

Edited by TheLivingDrawing on Aug 28th 2021 at 9:44:40 AM

I hate to say it, but James needs a lot of work. As it stands, the profile itself is kind of slapdash: you have a lot of Zero Context Examples that make it kind of hard to get a truly firm grasp on his character. And what I can gather...I'm sorry, but it stepped over the line from 'Inspired by the Dreamer' to 'Near copy of the Dreamer'. Maybe, as mentioned, some of those tropes you didn't elaborate on could help make him his own character, but as it stands he's too close to the original for me to give a stamp of approval.

Now, here's my entry.

I'm reposting Theodore Bankwell from my Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid fanfic, mainly because he's gone through such a shift that he's basically a different character from my initial draft. My intent with this guy is to make a believable Evil Overlord, putting my own spin on it in the meantime.

For a bit of background, it takes place after the anime: Mamori and Mirei have left the island and are going around curing the Armed virus from everyone. They're heroes, their relationship is getting stronger and stronger, and despite the odd SOLDIER sent by The Organization to try to stop them, everything seems hunky-dory...

And then Ensifer (Sword-Bearing) shows up: a Norse-themed Rising Empire operating out of the abandoned island of Mermaid, which they rechristened Asgard. They're on the warpath, they're armed with obscenely powerful military technology, and they are lead by a man who calls himself the Allfather: Theodore Bankwell.

• Name: Theodore Bankwell
• Age: 49
• Personality: Hard to pin down, honestly: on the surface he's a self-absorbed, elitist, power-hungry aspiring Evil Overlord. Beneath that is a man with a strong sense of justice who genuinely cares about doing the right thing...even if what he considers to be the 'right thing' is incredibly drastic, and even then the World Government is so bad and so powerful that he may be right in that his actions are the only real way to stop them. What's undeniable is that he's deeply bitter and hurting, and he's justified in his grievances, if not his actions.
• Abilities: He's a baseline human in a world where the very weakest of Extars can transform into a grenade-launching chaingun. Nonetheless, thanks to bringing the Hiiragi Corporation to his side, he has access to bleeding-edge military technology, and he has made a point of learning how to use it should the need for him to fight arise. As such, he has a personalized suit of Powered Armor that he wears while wielding a high-tech spear: he's proficient enough with it to face down Mirei and put her on the back foot.
• Weaknesses: Again, baseline human, and he knows it: he usually hangs back and lets his soldiers do the heavy lifting while he takes care of Asgard's administrative work.
• Goals: Overthrow the corrupt World Government and establish his own rule in its place.
• Motivation: Hatred for modern society and a desire to overthrow the World Government that made people cowardly, weak and dependent.
• Role in the story: Big Bad.
• Backstory: A former Marine who quit in disgust after becoming disillusioned with his country kowtowing to the World Government: after the Armed Virus outbreak started and the World Government started rounding up the infected with no real resistance he basically gave up on the world as a whole and started gathering followers, among them Tsuneo Hiiragi, CEO of the Hiiragi Corporation. Upon taking over Mermaid, which had been abandoned at the end of the series, he rechristened it as Asgard, made it Ensifer's capital, declared himself king, and set to work waging war against...well, pretty much everyone else.
• Relevant Tropes:
  • Awesomeness Is a Force: Bankwell succumbing to the Ragnarok Virus and transforming into a Draugr has him unleash such a gale force of energy that it parts the clouds above him, blasts Mirei off her feet and knocks Mamori out of Arm form.
  • Badass Moustache: Bankwell sports a magnificent handlebar moustache, and he's badass enough to beat the living daylights out of an Arm-wielding Mirei while in his Powered Armor.
  • Captain Nemo Copy: Hits almost all the notes, though rather than being a Captain of a vessel, he's King of an entire country that he founded himself. The Ensifer army are basically his personal marauders, he's Wicked Cultured, extremely misanthropic and driven by Revenge against the World Government. The only aspect he doesn't really have is a Mysterious Past: his military past and the fact he quit in disgust are common knowledge.
  • Contrasting Sequel Antagonist: To Momoka: while she was a flamboyant, young, attractive woman with incredible viral powers, zero qualms about flaunting them, a vendetta against a single person and no real ambitions beyond hurting that single person, Bankwell is a conservative, well-dressed, craggy-faced middle-aged man with no fantastical abilities and who prefers to lead from the back, and a Visionary Villain with world-encompassing ambitions that go beyond simply murdering everyone...or at least he starts out that way before the strain of the war and his personal demons get to him.
  • Dark Messiah: To Ensifer, he is a savior: a crusading bringer of justice bent on destroying the cruel World Government and their spineless vassals. To basically everyone else, he's a deranged, mass murdering terrorist who hates them for no readily apparent reason and has his soldiers Rape, Pillage, and Burn their cities and enslave their families. Contrast with the other Messianic characters of the story, Mamori and Mirei: if they had the time and resources, they could probably destroy the World Government by erasing the last of the Armed Virus and thus take the World Government's ultimate weapon from them.
  • Death Seeker: Develops these tendencies as the war drags on and Ensifer loses its momentum. It culminates with him willingly infecting himself with the Ragnarok Virus, all but guaranteeing that Mirei will be forced to kill him, because he absolutely ''will not'' live in a world where he can't be Emperor.
  • Dystopia Justifies the Means: In order to punish the Apathetic Citizens who rolled over for the World Government, he's going to give them exactly what they (apparently) want: a hellish existence of slavery under his boot, working themselves to death for the sake of his chosen people.
  • The Emperor: An aspiring one: he starts strong when he conquers Japan, being the closest major country to Mermaid...sorry, Asgard, and rampages his way West across Africa and lower Asia all the way to France before Ensifer starts to be repelled.
  • Equal-Opportunity Evil: Zig-zagged. The Founding Families are made up of a diverse group of people from all walks of life, ethnicities, etc. Those who aren't part of the Founding Families, however, are treated as less than dirt under his rule: even the most loyal believer in his cause would earn nothing but his scorn at this point should they not be from the Founding Families.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: A somewhat different case of this: he is so disillusioned with modern society he simply writes off anyone who isn't fighting under his banner as cowardly, spoiled, bootlicking lapdogs of the World Government. He accuses Mamori's own parents of not loving her by virtue of her being shipped off to Mermaid and them not protecting her...never mind the fact she was basically kidnapped off her school's gym track and at that point there was genuinely nothing her parents could do to bring her back.
  • Evil Overlord: An iron-fisted dictator to anyone under his reign who isn't a member of the Founding Families.
  • Fantastic Racism: Pushes a hardline stance of Ensifer vs. Non-Ensifer, considering the latter to be cowardly, undisciplined, selfish and apathetic for letting the World Government take over.
  • Fatal Flaw: His siege mentality and misanthropy is his ultimate downfall. His cruelty toward non-Ensifer citizens makes him no shortage of enemies, and his bitterness toward them makes it all but impossible to try to form any meaningful alliances that could help his plans. Him turning away would-be allies and making needless enemies ultimately leads to his undoing as he finds himself fighting a Hopeless War against basically everyone eventually with no real allies and no real advantage besides the Hiiragi Corporation's Game-Breaker technology, and even that can only get him so far.
  • Frontline General: Only once: when Ensifer attacks Tokyo. Then he retreats back to the safety of Asgard to run the kingdom. He insisted in being part of the attack because it's Ensifer's first strike against the World Government: he wasn't gonna miss it for the world.
  • The Good King: A genuinely benevolent ruler to the Founding Families of Ensifer: that is, his original followers and their families, who he permits to live in Asgard. Everyone else under his rule...WHOOF...
  • He Who Fights Monsters: Started out opposed to the corrupt World Government and filled with lofty ideals of running things better than them, but then his anger with the Apathetic Citizens who didn't stand up consumed him...now he's a vengeful, monstrous despot.
  • Humans Are Bastards: At least, the humans who aren't Ensifer: he slags them off to the last as spineless and spoiled for their refusal to stand up to the World Government.
  • Improperly Paranoid: To be fair, the danger of inviting a mole into Asgard from the outside is a real one. Treating literally everyone who isn't from Asgard as a probable mole, refusing to give them the benefit of the doubt and having his troops horrifically oppress them once they have an occupation going...that's probably not the best way to go about dealing with he problem.
  • Knight of Cerebus: Terrifying as Momoka was, her menace was still undercut by the honestly-distracting fanservice involving her. Bankwell doesn't even have that going for him: he's a deadly-serious soldier, and while he's not as cackling and over-the-top as her, he's still the most dangerous character in the story.
  • Knight Templar: In his own mind, he's the just, avenging monarch railing against a thouroughly corrupt modern world so that a golden age can be built atop its ashes. In reality, he's the Absolute Xenophobe Omnicidal Maniac head of a group of marauding Sociopathic Soldiers lashing out at the world and filling graveyards with innocent people.
  • Like a Son to Me: Hel and Heimdall, the two Hybrids who serve as Bankwell's most trusted assassins, are the closest things he has to daughters, and they likewise consider him a father. He found them after they escaped from The Organization after they failed in a mission, which would have ended with their termination, and basically adopted them, raising them as he would his own offspring, treating them with kindness, helping them to hone their abilities, and offering a chance to take revenge on the World Government for the torturous experiments that turned them into SOLDIERs.
  • Moral Event Horizon:
    • In-Universe: his attempt to Restart the World via the Ragnarok Virus is what drives Tsuneo, his right hand man and close friend, to betray him.
    • Another In-Universe example is Bankwell seeing society at large crossing this when they gave up their infected daughters to the Artificial Islands. As far as he's concerned, if people are willing to abandon their own offspring to the whims of the World Government, if they are that motherfucking craven, then every single one of them can burn. It's not that simple, of course: many of these poor people genuinely had no recourse against an organization that regularly fields Super-Soldier and simply has their Men In Black kidnap people off their school's gym track, and could do nothing but watch in horror as their daughters were taken. Whatever the case, this was the breaking point for Bankwell: it's what finally drove him to break away from modern society and found Ensifer. Even then, he was so filled with unreasoning hatred at their sin that he declared war on them, kicking off the story.
  • The Paranoiac: He's willing to give those under his rule the benefit of the doubt, but he sees nothing but enemies outside of Asgard's borders.
  Tsuneo: Allfather, with all due respect, we need this alliance.
  Bankwell: Why? So they can disappoint me too? Hm?!
  • Patriotic Fervor: It's kind of sad, really: the story is happening because Bankwell's belief in his country, and later most of humanity at large, was crushed, so he's trying to shape his own little corner of the world into something he can believe in and can be proud of. Too bad about the whole 'Take Over the World' thing.
  • Smiting Evil Feels Good: Unfortunately, Bankwell has a very, very wide personal definition of the word 'evil'.
  • Spear Counterpart: Though it initially appears otherwise, as more and more is revealed of him through the story, his motivations and actions are really not all that different from Momoka: for all his talk about overthrowing the World Government and making a better one in its place, ultimately Bankwell is lashing out at the world, driven by a sense of betrayal.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: Gives a venomous, hate-filled one that drips with Tranquil Fury to the whole damned world after Ensifer takes Tokyo.
  Bankwell: This is a message to the world. A message to every man, woman and child, every shit-sucking, craven piece of filth who worships the World Government: pray. Pray to them. Pray to your new gods, who took your daughters, your rights, your ethics, who took everything from you while you smiled and told them "STEP ON US HARDER!". Pray to them, and maybe, just maybe, they'll protect you from us. Maybe, for once in their miserable existence, they'll protect their slaves. Maybe they'll stop Ensifer from burning your homes and slaughtering your families. You sold your souls to them, after all. Let's find out what you're worth to them, hm?!
  • The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized: At the end of the day, Bankwell and Ensifer are the rebels fighting against the World Government: he has his troops mistreat the citizens of the places he takes over as a matter of principle, however, and his endgame is to, if all goes according to his plan, have the Founding Families slowly replace the population of the world at large which would probably involve at least a bit of genocide if it ended up happening too slow for his tastes. He ultimately decides to completely cross the line in a desperate attempt to turn the war around by releasing the Ragnarok Virus and hunkering down in Asgard as it destroys the world, then rebuild it after the dust settles.
  • Right-Wing Militia Fanatic: Ensifer is what happens when one of these founds a kingdom: Bankwell and his followers got fed up with their respective governments, took over an island, and got so paranoid that they decided to launch an attack against the world at large before they themselves could be attacked. Ironically, Ensifer's government is even more totalitarian and bloodthirsty than most countries even under the World Government.
  • Uncanny Valley: In-Universe: Unlike any other Draugr in the story, Mirei finds Bankwell's Draugr form particularly unsettling because of how...normal it looks. Unlike the twisted, half-Arm travesties that most humans turn into when they become Draugr, by all accounts, Bankwell's is a knight on mechanical horseback, with only the fact that the horse has eight legs and Monstrous Mandibles standing out at first glance. This being a Draugr, however, means that the thing standing before her doesn't have a flicker of humanity left in it. She only finds herself creeped out more as the Final Battle begins: through it all, unlike the other Draugr, Bankwell moves with calm, measured, lethal conviction, and through the entire fight he is DEAD. SILENT.
  • Übermensch: Deconstructed: Bankwell is a strong-willed Captain Nemo Copy with nothing but contempt for modern society, and has established a Rising Empire for the sake of living the way he deems to be right, beholden to nobody. But that's just the thing: if he's beholden to nobody, he has nobody to really act as a check to his worse impulses, and his personal moral code quickly degrades to dogma. Ultimately, Bankwell is an Ubermensch brought to its worst conclusion: a man blinded to even the slightest value in the moral codes of others and society at large, and being surrounded by people he thus considers to be evil makes it very easy for him to justify lashing out at them in 'self-defense'.
  • The Unfettered: His greatest strength, and at once one of his most ruinous weaknesses. He is willing to go to any lengths and cross any line to protect his new kingdom, but he is far too short-sighted to truly appreciate the costs of most of his actions. He does what he must, sure enough, but runs into issues when the act DOESN'T end up as the game-clinching decision that he tends to believe it will be, causing short-term gains and long-term losses that he inevitably crosses another line to make up for...
  • Utopia Justifies the Means: For the select few of the Founding Families: as he brings suffering to the Apathetic Citizens who rolled over for the World Government, he works tirelessly to create a utopia on Asgard.
  • Verbal Tic: Has a habit of punctuating any particularly biting questions he poses with a sharp, accusatory 'Hm?!'.
  • Villainous Breakdown: Happens over the course of the story as things fall apart for him. It starts when Hel and Heimdall are killed: Tsuneo comes within seconds of knocking Bankwell unconscious to stop him from hunting down their killers himself. He never quite recovers, even if he calms down: his decisions become more and more vengeful and erratic, not helped by the good guys pushing the battle lines further and further towards Asgard.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: Straddles the line between this and Not-So-Well-Intentioned Extremist. He's honestly not wrong when he says the World Government needs to go, and he may have a point that the general population shares a hand in their crimes because they refused to stand up, and Asgard may be a genuinely great place to live under his rule. Unfortunately, Bankwell's mistreatment of non-Ensifer citizens under his rule is indefensible and driven primarily by a misplaced desire for vengeance. Basically, his intentions are ultimately good, but he is so poisoned by his bitterness and anger that it clouds his judgment and causes him to commit sins he can't truly justify.
  • Wicked Cultured: Often quotes famous authors, especially Shakespeare and William Blake. A quote is even his final words.
  Bankwell: Do Not Go Gentle...into that good night...old age should...should burn and rave at close of day. Ra...rage. Rage against...the dying...of the light...(transforms)
  • You Could Have Used Your Powers for Good!: Is hit with this by Mamori, who tells him that if he hadn't gone the The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized route, she and Mirei may very well have helped him fight the World Government: he had the technology, the charisma, the moral high ground, and he threw it all away when he decided to take his anger out on the world at large.

Edited by krimzonflygon2 on Feb 25th 2022 at 10:35:40 AM

I can't say for sure about his characterization because i'm not familiar with the source material, but reading from your post he makes sense. I think his motivations are good.

Real Name: Trevor Gesse

Code Name: The Lightbearer

Occupation: Nazi supervillain

Age: 20-25 through the story

Nationality: American, later German

Appearance: Blonde and blue eyed. Muscular and 6'0" tall with square features. He has burns on his back from the explosion.

Costume: Black German-style sallet helm/pseudo-sallet◊, a red coat based on the standard SS coat◊ with a black sun symbol inside a vertical white line that goes on the middle of his chest from the collar to the belt, plus black belt, boots, and gloves.

Personality: He largely acts like a "normal" person, he views himself as a hero and tries to behave accordingly to how he thinks he's supposed to. He rationalizes away the "killing tons of people" part rather easily, too (which is supposed to leave it up to interpration whether he actually is Affably Evil or some kind of a sociopath putting on an act). However in combat, he can be quite brutal -having a weapon only good for offense is a part of the reason, but it's also his hatred for "the enemy", whoever it is at the moment. However to the people on his side, he can be disturbingly nice and selfless^note  I'm not sure if i'm explaining this part well, writing this has taken pretty long, it's late night and i'm getting tired. The point there is that he's supposed to outwardly appear and behave very similiarly to Captain America, and the dissonance between how he normally acts and what he does is supposed to create a disturbing effect. He submits himself almost completely to the ideology, believing it to be good and right.

Abilities: Superhuman strenght, reflexes and durability, and borderline superhuman speed and healing. I haven't come up with numbers, but examples include; being said to be able to bench-press a larger car, bending steel with his bare hands (amount of effort depends on material), catching a heavy tree, and jumping large distances.

He's armed with a sword made from special, rare metal. It makes the sword unbreakable and able to cut through almost anything. His fighting style with it is historically accurate to actual swordfighting, i.e. dirty and brutal. Without the sword/in general, his fighting style is based on improv brawling and European martial arts.

Weaknesses: Aside from aforementioned abilities, he's a human being and can be blown up, run over by a tank or something, set on fire, or shot. Psychologically, he has impostor syndrome and he can make bad decisions due to his search for acceptance and his Nazi-typical delusions.

Goals: To destroy ""the jewish conspiracy"" (which obviously doesn't exist, but the Nazis sure think it does), to win in general and to win the war for Germany in particular, to do well enough that being from America will stop being an issue.

Motivation: Desire for acceptance, wanting to be a ""hero"", being brainwashed.

Role in the Story: The Heavy / Arch-Enemy

Edited by Nukeli on Apr 17th 2022 at 1:52:10 PM

Hauptmann Ubermensch could make a fitting codename for this character. He sounds genuinely scary, yet so real... Self-righteousness has led to so much tragedy.

Edited by thebigguy270 on Sep 26th 2021 at 10:27:57 AM

Character critique, please?

He sounds genuinely scary, yet so real... Self-righteousness and hate have led to so much tragedy. Your ideas are incredible.

He seems interesting. I like the brutal swordsmanship fighting style, since in a lot of media sword-fights are depicted as being very clean and stylized. I also like him being part American, since America did have a lot of Nazi sympathizers back then (and we still do, but that's another issue for another time).

Of the human villains in my series he’s the one I’ve probably developed the least. As I develop him more he would diverge significantly. But thanks for the feedback. The other 2 villains also weren’t directly inspired by another character. I’ll change things up to be a bit more distinct.

Looking forward to it.

What do you think of Bankwell?

He’s great. I’m writing up the bio for the third human villain in my series.

The Traitor/The Nightmare who Wears the Skin of a Hunter

Real Name: Benedict White

Age: Mid-30s

Biography: A seeming nobody who one day inexplicably awoke to the power of a Hunter of Nightmares he quickly proved to be a valuable asset to the hunters for his high intelligence and talent with tactics despite being a mediocre fighter. However at the same time he was barely tolerated by his comrades for his extreme sadism against nightmares, indiscriminate slaughter of even non-violent nightmares, and disturbing suggestions such as eliminating nightmares by killing people responsible for creating them. However his true nature became apparent when one night, in a bid for power, he summoned and gave a physical form to Epailes, an extremely powerful and dangerous nightmare. Those he was foiled before he could merge with it, Epailes proceeded to unleash a horde of nightmares that slaughtered or captured most hunters. He was seemingly killed by falling debris but in reality used it to fake his death, soon forgetting about the hunters until the actions of James made him aware that they were still around. At which point he returned for another shot at power, harnessing the eternal winter, the primal form of all nightmares.

Personality: He is an exceptionally cruel and sadistic human being with no concern of care for anyone but himself. He never even bothers with being polite and at best speaks in an insincere and condescending tone. He treats his boyfriend very poorly, exploiting his submissive and loyal personality, to gaslight and manipulate him into being his slave. However it’s heavily implied that his sociopathy and lack of concern for anyone but himself makes him miserable deep down and his actions are a desperate attempt at filling the void and feeling something.

Abilities: Chessmaster skills (to the point where he only loses at the Darkest Hour because his minions were careless) , control over nightmares, cryogenic magic. He can inflict the Frostbite Curse on hunters, corrupting them into versions of themselves reflective of their personal fears to the point where they take forms representative of the worst possible futures personality wise (a kind-hearted if hedonistic hunter, becoming a hedonistic philanderer who has no care for who is harmed if it meant he could satiate his desires)

Weaknesses: He is simply not a very good fighter, as once he is faced in an actual fight he is a fairly underwhelming opponent. His Arrogance and Sadism result in a lack of pragmatism that ultimately creates the holes in his plan that lead to his defeat.

Goals: He wishes to become a god in both worlds, using Social Darwinism as an excuse for his actions (both Alex and Elise call bullshit on him, stating that he only cares to the extent that he be the one on top bullying everyone else).

Motivation: On top of enjoying inflicting suffering on those around him it’s heavily implied that deep down he wishes to feel something. He is notably the only human villain in the series to have no Freudian Excuse, though the main characters do note that people like him do exist, they just don’t make it very far in life.

Role in the Story: He is the Greater Scope Villain of the series, being responsible for the events of the first game and the main character arc for Elise (who is suffering from severe guilt for being naive enough to help him summon Epailes when she was a new hunter). He is the Big Bad of the third game, as why the other 2 Greater Scope Villains of the trilogy outrank him in importance, he drives most of the plot. It’s ultimately revealed towards the end that he was specifically chosen by the Greater-Scope Villain as a Secret Test of Character for the hunters, to see if they would reject him in spite of how valuable he was to their team. And thus they chose the worst person they could find to become a hunter.

Tropes

• Authority Equals Asskicking: Averted, he’s fairly mediocre in a fight, his boss fight towards the end relies mostly on spamming ice magic and deploying traps and even with them he goes down fairly quickly, the fight against Phobetor the God of Nightmares right afterwards is far more impressive.
• Being Evil Sucks: The entire series has this as a central message but he truly drives it home. It’s implied that he felt genuine happiness having the hunters as comrades but never realized it. The same is true of his boyfriend, who he’s implied to care about deep down under the abuse. Throwing both under the bus for his own self interest only made him more miserable and his crimes ultimately result in a violent and well deserved death. Underneath it all he’s a sad and pathetic man who can’t feel anything.
• Depraved Homosexual: Though he isn’t depraved because he’s gay, he’s a gay man who just happens to be evil. Every other gay character is portrayed positively to counterbalance this.
• Empty Shell: What he is at the end of the day. His horrid and depraved crimes are a desperate attempt at feeling something.
• Flat Character: Justified. He’s a cruel and sadistic man who enjoys the suffering of others and nothing else. Not only was this why he was chosen to be a Secret Test of Character for the hunters, but it’s a source of his internal angst.
• Generic Doomsday Villain: Justified for the same reasons as Flat Character above. He’s solely defined by the threat he poses, his goals and motivations are very, very flimsy, and he’s incapable of change or development as a character.
• Genre Savvy: What makes him so dangerous is that he’s this. He avoids Stupid Evil decisions other villains do and tells his minions to bring back Elise beaten to near death so he can personally insure she dies due to being wrapped up in handling Alex after he fell under the frostbitten curse among other instances.
• Moral Event Horizon: While his betrayal of the hunters could be seen as this, he truly crosses it right before the final confrontation with him by corrupting his boyfriend with the Frostbitten Curse, and after he’s beaten, attempts to kill him out of rage for failing him, demonstrating that not even those he cares about are safe from him.
• The Sociopath: A fairly textbook example as demonstrated above, right down to being a Flat Character.

Sorry if he isn’t that great. I’m fairly new to writing. Let me know how he is.

Edited by TheLivingDrawing on Oct 3rd 2021 at 2:22:49 PM

Interesting that you're analyzing the Flat Character, though it could easily run into Poe's Law and be confused for genuinely bad writing.

Age: ???

Personality: Perpetually The Stoic, the apparition is cold and professional, what it is not however, is cruel. It is relatively passive for such an ominous presence and will always treat those who make deals with it with absolutely respect… as long as they hold up their end of the bargain.

Abilities:

• At first, the apparition will appear in front of a potential contractor, usually someone that has been struck with great grief or have otherwise fallen on hard times, and then offers them the opportunity to have their greatest wish granted. This gift, however comes at a price, as while it intentionally avoids screwing over it's contractee they will still be forced to do the aberration's bidding for all of time.
• In battle, the apparition serves as The Archmage, throwing out powerful spells with reckless abandon, but rarely moving.

Weaknesses: The Magically-Binding Contract between the apparition and its host causes their lives to bind to each other, if the host dies the apparition disappears entirely.

Goals: Something, nobody knows what it's up to.

Motivation: ???

Role in the story: Secondary antagonist with dubious connections to the Big Bad and acts as a catalyst for the growth of other characters, may be important later.

Backstory: ???

Relevant Tropes:

• Ambiguous Gender: It has no obvious gender characteristics due to its nature as an apparition, and speaks with the voice of its host.
• The Corrupter: Its defining trait, it seeks to bring out the darkest sides of people and rope them into The Plan.
• Evil Mentor: It will give out great knowledge for the future… as long as you're okay doing its' bidding for all eternity.
• Guardian Entity: When summoned, the aberration will circle around its host and provide cover fire for them in the form of powerful spells.
• Living Clothes: It appears as nothing more than a floating Black Cloak, albeit with a shadowy "face" with glowing eyes.
• Shadow Archetype: Invoked, the apparition actively seeks to bring out that which people suppress in order to break their will and make them better pawns.

Edited by GeneralGigan on Oct 25th 2021 at 9:33:47 AM

Sounds like a very interesting supporting villain who sounds like it would make an excellent companion to another villain. Also I doubt Benedict will fall into Poe's Law because the flat aspect of his character is examined in-universe, also his Flat characterization is balanced out by his intelligence and extremely active role in the plot.

Hi. I want to post my villain here, but the thing is, while she does kick off the conflict and serve as the Arc Villain for the first half of the story, she's not really "evil" as much as she is simply an overly nice Obliviously Evil Cloudcuckoolander, and pulls a Heel–Face Turn after her Closed Circle gets hijacked by the real Big Bad. I'm just wondering how "antagonistic" an Anti-Villain character has to be to be on this thread. Thanks!