Web Video / Legendy Polskie

There once was a nobleman named Twardowski, who entered a Deal with the Devil and ended up on the Moon.

Kraków used to be terrorised by a fearsome dragon that would snatch fair maidens.

And if you went down to the dungeons there, you were likely to become a permanent piece of decor.

At least that's what Polish legends say. The Polish Legends films begs to differ, cause, you see, not all dragons are scaly, going to the Moon is feasible, and we've all got smartphones. The basilisk, though, remains a mighty creepy petrifying... thing.

A series of short films made specially for the Internet, directed by Tomasz Baginski. It takes several Polish legends and re-set them 20 Minutes into the Future (maybe thirty, judging by the robots Janek builds).

Kind of NSFW, mostly because of all the swearing. And you'll never hear "Wszystko mi mówi, że mnie ktoś pokochał"^note here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AShemiKUajc - listen to it before watching the films in quite the same way again...

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Legendy Polskie provides examples of:

• 20 Minutes into the Future: All the shorts to some extent, but the Dragon stands out with all these advanced robots and powerful VTOL aircrafts.
• Admiring the Abomination: Not only the Dragon has a fandom, some girls wish to be kidnapped by him.
• Affably Evil: The hellion after Twardowski. They act like old friends, but she's still after his soul and won't stop until he's dragged to Hell.
• Ain't Too Proud to Beg: When Hell finally managed to locate him and send a field agent to capture his soul, Twardowski almost instantly tries to bargain some new deal or at least an addendum to the old one, even if his contract apparently ended long time ago. He's just stalling for time go get the devil locked inside the habitat and quickly drops the act when it's no longer needed.
• Alcohol-Induced Idiocy: In the thick of it, Eugeniusz charges the basilisk with bare fists. Fortunatelly, he gets simply knocked down.
• Analogy Backfire: Eugeniusz being a good, supportive uncle:
  Eugeniusz: My Basieńka was acting all aloof, too. Then we married, had kids... divorced... Took away everything I had, bitch...
• Apathetic Citizens: In Dragon, these are the good ones. The rest will actively troll or mock you.
• Artifact Collection Agency: Apparently, Poland has one of these.
• Ascetic Aesthetic: The design of Hell's ship is very modern and ascetic, with completely empty spaces, sharp edges and monotone coloring.
• Atomic F-Bomb: Having been outgambitted by Twardowski, the devil lets out an epic one, loud enough to break the glass cases in his office and reach the rings of Saturn.
• Badass Normal: The entire point of the stories, both the original and fractured versions.
  • Janek is a teen who defeats a powerful mobster that even the military was unable to take down.
  • Twardowski almost by trade outsmarts servants of Hell, always being at least a step ahead of the entire infernal bureaucracy and field agents.
  • Boguś, who's so normal he didn't know how to fight a basilisk at first (and still charged right at it - must run in the family).
• Batman Gambit:
  • Twardowski being cordial and friendly with the demon sent after him to Moon. He needs her ship, and the habitat he lives in is a prison designed specifically to held her there long enough to let him escape. He even rigged it with explosives just in case.
    • Having previous experience with Twardowski, Hell sent a ship with barely any fuel in it, so, if he does escape, he would end up trapped and dead soon after, thus going to Hell one way or another.
  • Boruta let Jaga escape, after putting her through an elaborate setup. With her running wild, it's just a matter of time before things go sour for humanity, meaning a steady stream of souls for Hell. Rokita instantly points out this can backfire spectacularly if Perun gets unleashed.
• Better to Die than Be Killed: Rather than letting Lucy come and torture him to death, Twardowski leaves the ship, decompresses his space suit and commits suicide. It's all a trick to fuel the sin-powered spaceship, since he hacked Hell's computer system to send his soul back to the body right after dying.
• Blue-and-Orange Morality: Jaga is neither evil nor good. She just wants to do things her way, which, coincidentally, is against every established order. Compared to the Pragmatic Villainy of modern day Hell she just looks delusional.
• Bold Explorer: Twardowski plans to either be the first human outside the Solar system... or die trying.
• Call-Back: "It's not exactly The Playboy Mansion".
• The Cavalry: Eugeniusz showing up out of nowhere and ramming the basilisk with his car down into the pit.
• Celestial Bureaucracy: Well, infernal. And they have old computers.
• Cluster F-Bomb: Twardowski has been a potty mouth from the beggining, but having aquired a sin-powered spaceship of Hell, he tries to refuel it with a wonderfully flowery rant. It's not enough, but the only other solo sin he could think of required undressing, and it was very cold.
• Continuity Nod: While dealing with Twardowski, Hell is processing Dragon's soul. Also, Boguś and Eugeniusz have a "Twardowsky" brand radio.
• Continuity Snarl: The series is progressively going in this direction, apparently trying to build a wide mythology on its own, while being less and less coherent as a whole with each new film.
• Cool Uncle: Zig-Zagged with Eugeniusz, who manages to be cool enough for his adult nephew to still spend time with him, while also being a barely functional alcoholic struggling with divorce-related depression.
• Corrupt Church: Invoked by Lucy
  Lucy: The bishop who blessed this water is boiling in our cauldron since January.
• Crazy-Prepared: The moon habitat is build from titanium laced with silver and all the area around it has tons of explosives if Twardowski would ever need to lock a devil inside and escape himself. He also kept a small flask of holy water with himself, hoping it will at least make the devil choke.
• Creepy Child:
  • The basilisk sounds like a little kid, amping the creepiness of it up to eleven.
  • Marysia, even without reveal as yet another fiend, is creepy enough with her monotone voice and blank stare combined with a child's body. In her next appearance, she is busy stabbing a teddy bear with a butcher knife, while wearing clothes suitable for Elegant Gothic Lolita.
• Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: While he appears full of himself and not-so-serious a fellow, Boruta is, after all, the ruler of Hell.
• Curse Cut Short: Somewhat Lost in Translation, but when Twardowski suddenly closes the hatch between himself and the hellion, she looks in amused disbelief, starting to ask "What the f...", as in "What the fuck are you doing". Makes much more sense in original Polish.
• Cute Machines: Janek's hobby. He's a bit shy.
• Cyberpunk: Dragon is firmly this. Corrupt police, technology advanced enough to build a battle robot in your bedroom while life in general goes on as before, inefficient government, media chasing sensation and social apathy beyond any scale.
• Damsel out of Distress: Ola is a Defiant Captive, openly resisting Dragon. Which only arouses him more.
• Dark Is Evil: In her first appearance Lucy wears black clothes and invokes gothic-punkish imaginary. All the other devils are shown wearing black or at least very dark suits.
• Deal with the Devil: Being the Polish version of Faust, Twardowski sold his soul to the devil. After which he uses every single possible technicality to avoid being send to Hell.
• Deer in the Headlights: When Dragon approaches to pick up Ola, Janek is completely paralysed with fear.
• Didn't Think This Through: Rokita explains to Boruta what can happen now, after they let Jaga free to do some serious damage, including topping the established order in Hell.
• Divorce Assets Conflict: Eugeniusz was left with nothing after the divorce with his wife.
• Dreaming of Things to Come: Boguś dreams about some scary, magical stuff. It comes mostly true. Also, a girl, who's the very first person he meets the next day.
• Evil Sounds Deep: Demons and devils, especially when pissed.
• Explosive Decompression: Averted. Twardowski, being a trained astronaut, knows how space works - he does this to gain some thrust.
• Fair Cop: Boguś is revealed as one, on a fishing trip with his uncle. Meanwhile, Eugeniusz either left the force or was forced to do so due to his drinking and divorce-related problems.
• First-Person Smartass: Boguś gets to narrate parts of his story, since it's told in a How We Got Here manner.
• Fish out of Temporal Water: Jaga is so out of touch, she has a hard time understanding that the barn she took as hers is just part of an open air museum. Not to mention her utter shock when it turns out people no longer worship sacred oaks. In the end, it just makes her look pathetic in her attempt to do things like they used to be.
• Fluffy the Terrible: That hot hellion after Twardowski? Lucy. As in - Lucifer.
• Foregone Conclusion: Twardowski, being, well, Twardowski is bound to trick the fiends of Hell and outsmart them. It doesn't make his shorts any less amusing.
• Foreshadowing:
  • When Twardowski talks about time relativity, it's not just to be a smartass and buy himself time before being dragged to Hell.
  • Boguś using his smartphone as a shaving mirror in the Operacja: Bazyliszek.
• Fractured Fairy Tale: With signature Polish dry humour.
  Far far away, over seven supermarkets, and five parking lots... not far from Warsaw, actually.
• Freeze-Frame Bonus:
  • The internet posts, including entire dialogues written between users. To say they are assholes is an understatement.
  • Torture tools prepared by Lucy have their statistics displayed. Including 10/ sharpness.
• Future Food Is Artificial: Whatever food the Hell's spaceship is serving, it doesn't taste well and looks like very watery kisiel.
• Gadgeteer Genius: Using nothing but the parts on hand, Janek builds overnight a humanoid robot he then uses to lure Dragon out.
• Guile Hero: Twardowski Batman Gambits the fiends of Hell. More than once.
• Highly Visible Password: Unintentional, but still - Twardowski was able to read the password to Hell's computers from Boruta's desk, as the devil just have received his new username and password.
• Hijacked by Jesus: Apparently a lot of slavic folklore are reduced to being Christian demons. This extends to even Perun, a slavic deity.
• Happy Ending: Dragon is the only short which has a direct and full closure, not to mention ending well for its heroes.
• Hot Witch: Baba Jaga in this incarnation appears to be a young and quite shapely. How much of it is true image and how much glamour is hard to tell.
• Humans Are Bastards: All the different internet comments just make people look callous and heartless.
• Implacable Man: Since she's a devil, Lucy just can't be stopped in any real or meaningful way, only slowed down. Case the point - she just walks from her spacecraft to the Moon habitat in the same clothes she'd wear on Earth.
  Lucy (in demonic voice): I'm coming for you... I'm coming for you... I'm coming for you!
• In Medias Res: Operacja: Bazyliszek opens when Boguś is already facing the titular monster and then quickly rewinds by roughtly a day.
• Industrialized Evil: The power of sins is what keeps the Hell's ships running.
• Insecurity System: In Hell. Seriously, do all the hackers go to Heaven or something?
• It Has Been an Honor: Twardowski finally admitting he has been bested and outstretching a hand for a shake. Only that it's just a trick to get the devil's guard down and let him drop the card with the password on the desk. The devil takes back his hand in the last moment, smiling smugly.
  Twardowski: Losing to you is not a shame, Boruta.
• It's Personal: Due to his constant tricks and escapes, Twardowski eventually became this for entire Hell - a very personal target to take down. Plus, it's still about sending a message.
• Kick the Dog: Done literally by Dragon, when he stomps the little robot dog barking at him as he carries away Ola.
• Kinda Busy Here: Right when Dragon is about to take the bait, Mom calls Janek to ask why he left so early. Since he was using his smartphone as a control device, he has to deactivate the robot in crucial moment.
• Kung-Fu Wizard: Rather than casting bunch of spells, Jaga simply punches the living shit out of the soldiers sent after her. Sure, in slow-mo, but she's established as extremely fast.
• Let's Get Dangerous!: Just when Boguś and the girl are about to be Taken for Granite, Eugeniusz rams the basilisk with his car. With a (loud) Shout-Out to The Witcher.
• Light Is Not Good:
  • In Twardowski 2.0, Lucy wears what can be best described as white jumpsuit.
  • Jaga wears clothes made from raw linen, thus being beige-grey.
• Lightning Bruiser: Baba Jaga goes bare-handed against a group of trained soldiers in a pace that would make Neo blush. Boruta meanwhile effortlessly dodges her, while time already stopped around them. When she finally manages to smack him, he simply let her do that.
• Lonely Robot Boy: Instead of real friends, Janek surrounds himself with robots he build himself.
• Loophole Abuse: Twardowski's main way of dealing with Hell
  • Due to time relativity in space, his contract was still in effect, making the devil unable to collect his soul.
  • After committing suicide, he ended up in Hell... and instantly back in his body, since he previously hacked and programmed the system to send him back. This effectively cancelled his contract, leaving him free to go, with a high-tech ship under his command.
• Lost in Translation: While the English subtitles are very good, still a lot of jokes was impossible to translate. And obviously all the music references are completely lost to somone unfamiliar with Polish popculture.
• Make an Example of Them: While it might seem impractical to waste so much resources on capture of a single soul, Hell relentlessly chases Twardowski simply to send a message that nobody can escape their fate once they've sold their soul.
• Mark of the Beast: After getting his second vision, Boguś wakes up with a runic sigil on his right palm.
• Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: The weird dream Boguś had could be as much a prophetic vision and just the effect of drinking cheap alcohol. He even lampshades it himself
  Boguś: Here's a piece of advice. If you meet a girl, whom you've just dreamt about... (Beat) It's cheap vodka.
• Muggles Do It Better: All that cool equipment, and what did the basilisk in was a freakin' smartphone.
• No-Sell: The holy water Twardowski has isn't really holy. But he only used it as a distraction anyway.
• Number of the Beast: The Hell is apparently located at -666 floor.
• Off on a Technicality: A heroic example. Twardowski uses this against the hellion send after him, explaining how due to being trapped on Moon, his contract isn't fulfilled yet, as days pass much, much slower on Moon.
• Once More, with Clarity: A flashback explaining how Twardowski gained the password.
• Only a Flesh Wound: Getting shot in the arm doesn't even slow Jaga down. Even when she actively uses that arm to tear appart the assault squad sent after her.
• Only Mostly Dead: The suicide commited by Twardowski to refuel his ship was all about this, since he previously hacked into Hell's computer system and was directly send back to his body after dying. It was just a matter of proper timing...
• O.O.C. Is Serious Business: The moment something goes wrong with the computer system, Boruta instantly drops the cheerful face and in a very serious tone gives Lucy the use of another ship to go after Twardowski.
• The Password Is Always "Swordfish": The master-password to Hell's computer system simply reverse the order from the user name, being 123Boruta.
• The Philosopher: Eugeniusz, who combines it with being The Alcoholic.
• Pragmatic Villainy: Rokita, who serves as a great foil to his rather aloof boss, Boruta.
• Precision F-Strike:
  Twardowski: Down you go, fucking ho!
• Prehensile Tail: The basilisk has one and Boguś learned the hard way about it, getting caught and smashed on nearby tree.
• Rhymes on a Dime: As much as Hell might have embraced modern technology and bureaucratic approach, apparently the contracts still have to rhyme.
• Robot Girl: Janek builds one. To bait Dragon.
• Scifi Writers Have No Sense Of Scale: Notably averted - the rigns of Saturn get realisic representation, both in thickness and composition of the cloud.
• Shout-Out:
  • The dog build by Janek analyses the world around him in the same fashion as T-800.
  • Down with the motherfucker!
• Smug Snake: Who else if not Boruta, the current ruler of Hell, running the entire show?
• Space Is Cold: Averted. Which is a very important plot point.
• Stuff Blowing Up: Twardowski planted explosives around his habitat, creating a truly impressive explosion on the surface of the Moon.
• Suspiciously Specific Denial: The chief of police is very specific about not taking any bribes whatsoever from the Dragon.
• Taken for Granite: The basilisk gets a lot of Red Shirts to play with...
• The End... Or Is It?: Twardowski ends with Lucy's hand protruding from the rubble and clenching.
• Time Dilation: Due to different rotational speeds of Earth and Moon, Twardowski can still use his contract with Hell against the devils for the next two weeks. This catches the hellion send after him completely off-guard.
• Time Stands Still: When Boruta starts talking with Jaga, the time slowed so much everything appears to be still... and he's still quick enough to dodge all the attacks in further slow-motion
• Tranquil Fury: Janek could take only this much pushing from everyone, involving Dragon himself. After he reaches his breaking point, nothing can stop him from bringing Dragon down.
• Troubled Fetal Position: After Ola is kidnapped and his latest creation destroyed, Janek just curls into fetal postion on the floor of his room.
• Urban Fantasy: All the shorts but Dragon have purely fantasy elements thrown into modern setting.
• Weapons Understudies: The round fired by shotguns is just plain weird, especially since it still drops a standard 12 gauge red shell.
• What Happened to the Mouse?: Last time we saw her, Lucy was closing on Twardowski yet again. By Jaga she's nowhere to be seen, while Twardowski flies on, unmolested.
• Xanatos Speed Chess: Trademark for Twardowski, the memetic trickster in Polish folklore.

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