Why must you always come back with a pithy remark?
It's got two things in it, it's got people from Downton, and it's got lightsabers, so if you like people from Downton and/or lightsabers, then please, dig deep.
— Robert James-Collier, promoting the video and the fundraiser
Downton Wars is a parody fusion of Downton Abbey and Star Wars that Robert James Collier and some of the other cast and crew members put together as part of a fundraiser for the Chilterns MS Centre
. It was filmed on set during breaks with Collier's phone and comprises a two-part saga.
Part I, The Phantom Valet follows Bates as he wears a cape, deals with relationship problems, and faces off against the evil Sith Lord Thomas.
Part II, The Evil Butler Strikes Back, involves Bates's Jedi powers beginning to fail, and Thomas taking the opportunity to try to finish him once and for all.
Both parts can be seen here on the Chilterns MS Centre channel. The video also provides a link for donations.
- Abusive Advertising: At the end of the video, the Dowager leaves the audience with a final threat if they don't donate to the Chilterns MS Center.
- Animate Inanimate Object: One of the symptoms of losing one's Jedi power is that fruit begins to talk to you, leading Bates to have a nervous conversation with a taunting pineapple. Presumably only he can hear it, but it's unclear whether the pineapple might actually be talking or if it's purely a hallucination.
- Anti-Climax: Bates and Thomas charge screaming at each other in the hallway, but before they can reach each other they're interrupted by Carson, who needs Thomas in the dining room. They immediately shelve the fight and go back to their duties.
- Badass Cape: Bates likes to wear a cape because it's cool. Anna disagrees, thinking the cape and the entire Jedi thing are stupid, while Thomas says the coolness is "debatable".
- Blade Lock: Happens inevitably during the final duel.
- Blatant Lies: Bates tells Lord Grantham that everything is fine and Thomas agrees that there's "nothing to see here", even though Robert just saw them dueling seconds ago. Robert simply nods and walks off.
- Big Damn Heroes: The Dowager and Isobel Crawley appear to aid Bates when Thomas has him on the ropes.
- Bolivian Army Ending: The second short ends with Sith!Anna advancing on an unarmed Bates.
- Calling Me a Logarithm: Daisy says Lady Mary is going Gluten Free. Mrs. Patmore asks, in a confused and combatative term what Gluten is, asking if it's a muscle in the buttock (Which is the Gluteus Maximus).
- Chaos While They're Not Looking: Thomas and Bates immediately stop trying to kill each other and hide their lightsabers whenever Carson or Lord Grantham come upon them, mutually claiming that everything is fine. They don't do this for anyone else, so it seems that they're only concerned about upsetting their employers.
- Chase Scene: A good chunk of The Evil Butler Strikes Back is just Thomas chasing Bates all over the grounds. And occasionally Bates chasing Thomas.
- Combat Breakdown: Thomas and Bates spend hours running about the grounds, dueling and chasing each other around. This forces each of them to stop to catch their breath, and later when they're circling around a large tree, the fight has devolved to the point where they're both running more than fighting, with Thomas giving the occasional ineffectual swing. They do get back to something more like Flynning later, though.
- Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are: Thomas does this when Bates is hiding from him, completely failing to notice that his opponent is in plain view only a few feet behind him.
- Credits Gag: The camera technician having lunch in the background in the kitchen scene in Part 2 is named in the credits as 'Bobby 'The Grip' as Himself'
- Diabolus ex Machina: The Sith Lord Thomas is defeated and Bates happily goes to the kitchen to make cocoa for himself and his wife. Then Anna appears, stares at him creepily, smiles — and pulls out a red lightsaber.
- Dramatic Shattering: During the aforementioned Diabolus ex Machina, the shatter of Bates dropping the milk pitcher can be heard.
- Excuse Plot: The "plot" amounts to Thomas trying to kill Bates and Anna being annoyed by Bates's obsession with the Jedi. The whole thing is basically just an excuse for the cast to run around playing with lightsabers. They do so gloriously.
- Friendly Enemy: Thomas helps Bates perfect his lightsaber draw, and seems genuinely proud when he improves. Later on, Bates helps Thomas stretch when they're taking a breather from all the running. Then they remember they're trying to kill each other.
- Good Colors, Evil Colors: Like the Space Opera they're parodying, blue is for the good Jedi and red for the evil Sith, so Sith!Thomas is the only character to wield a red lightsaber. Until Sith!Anna at the end of the second short.
- Hen Pecked Husband: With Thomas defeated, Bates agrees to put up his lightsaber since Anna is sick of all the Jedi business. Anna then insists that he also lose the cape, much to his consternation. He finally takes it off, reluctantly.
- Jedi Mind Trick: Referenced when Bates appears to be trying to mentally influence Anna — she snaps at him to cut it out.Anna: Don't try your Jedi mind tricks on me! It may be 1920, but I will not have a man tell me what I can and can't think.
- Lame Comeback: When Thomas and Bates engage in the hallway, they volley banter back and forth for a few moments until Thomas's "pithy remarks" start to break down.Thomas: Well, why must you always do those... things that it is that you do... to people?
Bates: That doesn't even make sense. - Mid-Battle Tea Break: Thomas and Bates pause together to catch their breath when they're outside by the folly. Thomas lies down on the grass and Bates goes over to help him stretch for minute, given all the running they're doing. Surprisingly enough, given the context, it doesn't involve tea.
- No Animals Were Harmed: Spoofed when the narration informs the viewer that "no pineapples were hurt during the making of this film".
- Not Himself: Bates says Anna hasn't been acting herself, prompting her to go on a tirade about how much she hates the Jedi. She turns out to be a Sith.
- Older Hero vs. Younger Villain: A major plot point in The Evil Butler Strikes Back is that the older Bates's Jedi powers are waning. Younger Thomas spends a good deal of time stalking him and taunting him for his weakness, and is relentless in his pursuit explicitly because he hopes to kill him while he's losing his edge. Bates doesn't actually defeat Thomas himself, but is rescued when the Dowager and Isobel show up to drive Thomas off.
- Power Echoes: The Dowager's voice echoes when she arrives to interrupt the combat, establishing her credibility as a threat.
- Psychotic Smirk: Thomas throws around several when he's stalking Bates in the second short.
- Product Placement: For whatever reason, the narration reminds the audience that the video was shot on an iPhone.
- Running Gag:
- Multiple characters comment on Bates's cape, which he insists is cool. Even the Dowager asks him why he's wearing it.
- The Bateses apparently eat a lot of chicken rogan josh.What, again?
- Screaming Warrior: Thomas likes to yell when he's attacking, even in situations where it would be tactically advantageous for him not to. At one point he sneaks up on an oblivious Bates and has him dead-to-rights, but then screams before he starts swinging, ruining it. Bates also yells sometimes, but it seems to be more of a response to Thomas yelling first.
- Sequential Symptom Syndrome: While searching for a hiding Bates, Thomas harries him by listing the symptoms of losing one's Jedi power: 1) excessive itching, especially around the knees and elbows, 2) incredibly hairy hands and feet, and 3) fruit begins to talk to you. Bates promptly experiences all of them, although he was already scratching his head before Thomas started in.
- Sickeningly Sweethearts: Anna and Bates behave this way when they're not arguing about the Jedi.
- Sorry to Interrupt: Thomas manages to walk in on Carson and Mrs. Hughes getting frisky in the butler's pantry, despite the fact that he knocked first. He stares at them for several moments while they compose themselves and deny seeing Bates, before quickly escaping out the door, clearly unnerved.Thomas: Awkward.
- Stealth Hi/Bye: Thomas appears behind Bates during the failed lightsaber practice, and Bates only sees his reflection in the mirror when he straightens up, prompting Bates to scream and Thomas to smirk.
- Unusually Uninteresting Sight: Daisy and Mrs. Patmore calmly continue their work in the kitchen, discussing Edith's decision to go gluten-free, while ignoring the lightsaber battle raging around them and the crew member having his lunch in the background.
- Verbal Tic: Bates tends to make a squeaky sort of hum when he's nervous. He also sometimes hums during dialogue.
- Villain: Exit, Stage Left: When Thomas is finally defeated, he just runs out of the abbey and no one cares enough to pursue him.
- You Talkin' to Me?: Bates does this into the mirror in The Evil Butler Strikes Back, complete with practice draws of his lightsaber. Which he promptly drops, then hits his head on the mirror when he bends down to get it.
I wouldn't do that if I were you!
