Hello. My name is Joshua Christian, Head Manager of the Lawful Good Division of Trope Co.®, the only company with a Lawful Good side to it.
After the success of the Ancient Artifact™, we have been working hard to create an artifact ideal for any would-be Hero. An object of great power that slays evil, purifies corruption and tip the Balance Between Good and Evil back to the side of good.
Introducing the Artifact of Hope™! More useful than the MacGuffin™, more important than the Amulet of Concentrated Awesome, even the Sword of Plot Advancement™ looks like a blunt stick in comparison. Using the power of righteousness itself, the Artifact of Hope™ is the perfect Plot Device for smiting evil and bringing hope and joy back to the land.
They come in a variety in colors and patterns including Primary Colors, White, Black, Reflective Silver, Superior Gold and every color of the Rainbow. Peruse our wears and decide which Artifact of Hope is ideal for your exciting heroic narrative!
- The Emotion Bomb™! With the push of a button, a single blast can fell the mental barriers of black-hearted tyrants and apathy itself. Watch as sadists feels shame and guilt for their terrible deeds, the Ancient Evil suddenly feeling kind and helpful, and grumps gets a face full of Care-Bear Stare.
- The Good Luck Charm™! Poverty getting you down? Your family hungry? Crops dead and nothing to trade for your village? With the Good Luck Charm, bring prosperity to all you favor, avoid natural disaster and laugh as your enemies strain themselves trying and failing to hit you.
- The Holy Hand Grenade™! So being lucky isn't doing it for you. Maybe your problems are the kind that only respects a punch in the face. With the Holy Hand Grenade, the power of God can pack a real wallop. Slay vampires with The Power of the Sun, cut down the undead like an invasive tree, and obliterate The Legions of Hell in a single, crater-inducing strike.
- The Immortality Inducer™! Baptized in the healing waters of White Magic, the Immortality Inducer is the ultimate panacea for any terrible injury, terminal illness or the weathering effects of time itself! Live for as long as you want and survive anything for just one easy payment.
- The Immortal Breaker™! Maybe immortality is the problem. Maybe the Tin Tyrant cannot die and he is a threat to mankind as long as he lives. Maybe his Artifact of Doom protects him from any harm all of your heroic predecessors attempted to inflict. With just a single cut from the Immortal Breaker, his days are numbers and the foal magic keeping him alive bleeds from his very being.
- The Protective Charm™! Evil doesn't like to play fair and will often punish your loved ones for your virtue. With the Protective Charm, all attacks bounce right off and ensures the safety of all who wear it.
- Sealed Good in a Can™! Is all hope lost? Is the Big Bad just too damn Big and too damn Bad for anyone in your fellowship to fight? Off the shelf comes our Sealed Good in a Can. Be it Genie, Angel or Computer Virus, our Sealed Good in a Can is the idea Deus ex Machina. Simply open the Sealed Good in a Can with Trope Co.®-brand Sealed Good Can-Opener and watch the tides of battle turn, the Big Bad slain or trapped in eternal stalemate.
The Artifact of Hope™: Invest in the Best.
Trope Co.® is not responsible for Dump Stats or Diminishing Returns in Experience Points that may result from any Heel-Face Turns caused when using Artifact of Hope™. Side-effects may include spontaneous ethical inspections, Forced Transformation and Destiny Envy.
Do not handle if Character Alignment of the user is Lawful Evil, Neutral Evil or Chaotic Evil, if the user has handled the Trope Co.® Artifact of Doom™ within 30 Days or are suffering from any sin-related conditions, including AIV*, IED* or being a Lazy Bum.
Trope Co.® cannot be held responsible for any damages or underperformance by Artifact of Hope™ if handled outside of intended purpose as listed in section 18-B of Artifact of Hope Buyer's Contract.
Trope Co.® Artifact of Hope™ Instruction Manual not included.
