Series / After Midnight

"I'm Taylor Tomlinson, and this is After Midnight, the show where we try to do the impossible — make the internet dumber."

"After Midnight starts now!"

After Midnight, stylized as @fter Midnight, is a Panel Game on CBS hosted by stand-up comic Taylor Tomlinson, in which three comedians compete in a series of internet-themed and social media-themed improv games, and earn points for their joke answers. If this format sounds familiar, it should — it's a revival of Comedy Central series @Midnight, brought back to fill the timeslot after the conclusion of The Late Late Show With James Corden (and thus The Late Late Show as a franchise). The show premiered on January 17, 2024, six and a half years after the original ended, with The Late Show with Stephen Colbert as the lead-in (like the old days of the original show following The Colbert Report), and the premiere had panelists Aparna Nancherla, Kurt Braunohler and Whitney Cummings, who have all been contestants on the original version.

The format from the original show, while now extended to a full hour, remains essentially the same. Rapid Refresh is still around in the form of the Group Chat, Hashtag Wars also remains, and the show still concludes with For The Win (FTW), the final game where the audience applause chooses a winner out of the remaining two contestants. They compete for a completely random and anticlimactic prize, such as a creepy doll Taylor's sibling gave her, a package of socks, a broken rolling chair, a page from Taylor's old diary, or in one case, Taylor's father's approval. ("It's rare, but winnable.")

The show also introduced the arbitrary Talk Show Portion, a Stylistic Suck of an interview segment created solely to spite internet trolls complaining that the show wasn't another late night talk show. Said segment slowly evolved over time to add little doodads, like a tiny model couch to sit on Taylor's podium, and a mug for Taylor to drink from through the segment. Despite its origins, it became a mainstay, as an opportunity to let the panelists banter a bit and riff off Taylor's weird, nonsensical questions.

This version has a game usually played mid-episode that allows contestants to go out on the floor and do something more physical, like recreate meme images, dig through garbage to find Taylor's phone charger, or give a guided meditation.

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I'm gonna put 60 seconds on the clock and you'll buzz in with as many #tropes as you can that fit tonight's hashtag, and go!:

• Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: Introducing a game where contestants have to pay attention to details in a short video, Taylor invokes this:
  Taylor: If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's... wait, what was I saying? ...oh yeah, attention spans! [audience groan-laughs] You thought I [bleep]ed up, but it was in the prompter!
• Audience Participation: Much like the original, viewers are encouraged to post their own responses for the Hashtag Wars, with the producers' favorite shown on the next episode.
• Black Comedy: The second episode has a game about figuring out what movie a dodgy review is about, and the first one just says "this happened to my buddy Eric".
  Sophie: The Passion of the Christ.
  Paul: Blackfish.
  Carl: May December.
• Black Comedy Burst: The first episode has a session called "Is This Still Cool?", which starts out with the subject of animal print wear.
  Aparna Nancherla: I was thinking, with climate change and everything, it'll be good to remember what they looked like.
• Blunt "No": Esther Povinsky competed while 8 months pregnant, so Taylor brings this up in the Talk Show Portion:
  Taylor: Esther, you are 8 months pregnant. [audience cheers] I know! And therefore a hero! Do you like being pregnant?
  Esther: Ummm... no. Let's just say that if anyone in this room could perform an illegal c-section, I would let them.
• Brick Joke: Nish Kumar gets eliminated in one episode and is tasked to tell the audience something he's never told anyone. So Nish replies, cryptically, that he's stolen three computers from the Paramount lot. When he comes back on stage to congratulate the winner at the end credits, somehow he's holding three laptops.
• Celebrity Impersonator:
  • Wayne Brady, on the Super Bowl special, does his thing by improvising a slow jam In the Style of Super Bowl LVIII halftime performer Usher, complete with Usher's choreo. It's a song about apologizing to fellow panelist Kevin Smith for having never actually seen his movie Clerks. Kevin doesn't mind one bit because he's being sung to by Wayne Brady.
  • Played for Laughs especially on the February 9, 2024 edition where contestants are asked to impersonate Cher calling Paul Giamatti. That's no problem for openly gay Nico Santos and Billy Eichner, since that's been a stock impression for gay entertainers for decades. However, Pete Holmes admits he can't do Cher, so he does Paul Giamatti answering the voicemail instead. It's immediately pointed out by Taylor that it sounds the same as his Bill Burr, and an offended Billy is forced to address the elephant in the room:
    Billy: You can do Bill Burr, but you can't do Cher?!
• Cloud Cuckoolander: At this point, if you book Reggie Watts on your show, you know you're in for some outside-the-box thinking, and Reggie's appearance on February 6, 2024 saw him in peak (weird) form, with plenty of Anti-Humor.
• Comically Missing the Point: During the Talk Show Portion on February 7, 2024:
  Taylor: London, what's your favorite flavor?
  London Hughes: I would have to say... Flav.
  [London is awarded points by Taylor]
  Taylor: [laughing] I'm not even supposed to give points on this, but I did!
• Darkhorse Victory: Still happens sometimes. Being a big name, or even having a particularly dominant performance during the show, does not guarantee a win.
  • Maria Bamford uses Loophole Abuse in the elimination round to get to FTW over Wayne Brady, the centerpiece of the show up to that point, and Maria would go on to win.
  • Monet X Change spamming the button in the elimination round puts her from last place to first, even if she has to make a fool of herself in doing so, and she goes on to win.
  • Beth Stelling, and her wicked wit and cheeky grin, had almost complete control over her episode, only to lose to Zach Noe Towers at the very end.
• Didn't Think This Through:
  • As time went on, the Talk Show Portion developed some little additions, like a cheesy 80s-sounding theme song, and a tiny model couch that Taylor puts on her podium (dubbed the "training couch"). Taylor eventually added a big coffee mug with the @M logo on the side that she holds during her questions... and by the end of the first segment with it, Taylor immediately gets sick of just holding a heavy mug the entire time. She solved this later by switching to a smaller teacup.
  • Monet X Change is in the elimination round, in last place behind Adam Ray and Rob Riggle. Desperate to get into FTW, Monet spams the buzzer as much as possible to get enough points, except half the time she doesn't even have an answer and just blurts something out in the heat of the moment. Taylor and Adam are dying laughing. Subverted when this gambit actually works, and Monet goes on to win the episode over Adam.
• Drag Queen: @midnight was no stranger to drag performers as contestants (Katya, Ginger Minj, Alaska Thunderfuck and Willam Belli had all done the show). For this version, on February 6, 2024, notorious Insult Comic Bianca Del Rio shows up, and her revolting sense of humor brings down the house. A month later, on March 5, Monet X Change shows up with a razor-sharp wit of her own.
• From Bad to Worse: It isn't bad enough that Fortune Feimster gets eliminated and has to give the usual losing speech; no, Taylor then finds a baby picture of her in a bonnet and puts it on the screen for all to see.
• Funny Background Event: When contestants are shown a video of a truck souped up with absurdly huge monster truck wheels, Guy Branum and Lisa Gilroy stare in awe, while Marcella Arguello is just throwing ass to the hip-hop song playing in the background.
• Group Hug:
  • Zach Noe Towers, Mo Welch and Beth Stelling are the panel on March 8, 2024, all clearly friends outside the show, and when Mo is eliminated before FTW, they all share one of these.
  • March 13, 2024: James Davis takes his elimination hard enough that fellow panelists Matt Rogers and Caroline Rhea immediately run over to hug him.
• History Repeats: Both contestants to have competed while pregnant have won — Lauren Lapkus, and then three weeks later, Esther Povinsky.
• Hyperspace Arsenal: Played for Laughs on March 14, 2024 when Reggie Conquest and Jordan Temple both have beanies on, and at some point during the Talk Show Portion, Paul F. Tompkins is suddenly seen wearing a beanie of his own, which he insists he's had on the entire time.
• Implausible Deniability: Chris Fleming is eliminated on the March 26, 2024 edition, only for him to put a sign up in front of his podium that adds three extra 0s to his point total. So Taylor just decides to eliminate Matt Braunger instead, causing Chris to drop the facade immediately.
• It's the Best Whatever, Ever!: The February 27th, 2024 episode with Caitlin Peluffo, Dulcé Sloan, and Jenny Zigrino had so much wild comedic energy between the three, that it was enough for Taylor to declare it her favorite episode ever before they even went into the first commercial break.
• Lady in a Power Suit: Taylor's pantsuits became an instant trademark.
• Large Ham: Marcella Arguello, Wayne Brady and Betsy Sodaro are big presences that devour all their respective episodes. None of them win.
• Loophole Abuse: On the Super Bowl special, Wayne Brady, Maria Bamford and Kevin Smith had to flick paper footballs through a mock goalpost, getting points for every one that goes through. Maria struggles hard, until she suddenly stops, dumps her box of paper footballs out and just flings them through in bunches ("IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!"), because no one said she couldn't! And thus, she advances to FTW over Wayne Brady and ends the show with a Darkhorse Victory.
• Lucky Charms Title: Still has the @ symbol in the title, but it's more or less The Artifact, as it's still pronounced "after."
• Meaningful Name: The show is on at 12:37am EST.
• Moonwalk Dance: Arden Myrin does a knowingly terrible one on the January 30, 2024 edition, pulling her skirt down over her feet to cover how terrible it is.
• My God, What Have I Done?: A comedic version, and twice over! When Kurt Braunohler is eliminated on the March 5th, 2024 edition, Taylor instructs him to call someone he cares about and tell them he lost. Kurt defaults to calling his wife, and in doing so, his wife puts his daughter on the phone. Kurt then has to tell his little girl that "the woman who runs this game made me lose," and she gets immediately upset, so an apologetic Kurt tries in vain to smooth it over and ends the call. An embarrassed Taylor immediately declares they are never doing that again, and she looks a little shaken up going into FTW.
• My Parents Are Dead: Brendan Hunt on the February 26th, 2024 edition is asked during the Talk Show Portion what's missing from his life. He casually replies "living parents," breaking the audience's hearts. Thankfully, Marc Maron helpfully(?) chimes in next to him:
  Marc: I wanna just say that both my parents are still alive, and it's not great. Uh...
  Brendan: Thank you. Thank you.
  Marc: You got out, man; you got out. [Beat] I mean to say I'm sorry, for your loss.
  Brendan: Yeah- you did that in the wrong order.
  Marc: Yeah, I- I screwed up.
• Namesake Gag: Ahead of Super Bowl LVIII, Taylor brings up "prop bets," which are bets not on the outcome of the game, but on strange things like "will Reba McEntire show cleavage while singing the national anthem." (That was really bet on, by the way.) Taylor asks what other prop bets they could make, and Pete Holmes gives us this gem:
  Pete: Will Usher live up to his namesake and show people to their seats?? [Taylor and the audience bust up laughing]
  Nico Santos: "These are my concessiooooons..."
  [audience is set off even more, and Taylor gives Nico an extra 100 points]
• "No. Just… No" Reaction: The first episode had a session about questionable cooking methods - one video was about what can only be described as the X-rated version of Saltbae, which got this reaction out of everyone.
• Off the Rails:
  • Happens occasionally, such as when Jerry O'Connell took off his shirt and danced as the answer to a question, leading to Arden Myrin and Mary Lynn Rajskub dancing around him, ending the round in complete chaos. Taylor gives them all points anyway.
  • A game from the February 8, 2024 edition deserves special mention. All three contestants had to give speeches through TikTok voice filters, and Taylor had to identify which contestant gave which speech. Of course, creative forgot to factor in contestant London Hughes and her very identifiable British accent, and the game completely falls apart as London chews out the crew over it. Taylor keels over laughing once she realizes there is no saving this disaster of a segment.
    London: THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE GONNA CHANGE MY VOICE!!!
• Once an Episode: The Group Chat is always the first segment. For the first few months, Hashtag Wars was always the second, until they started doing it after the Talk Show Portion.
• Overly Long Gag:
  • @midnight veteran Marcella Arguello appeared on January 25, 2024, and was eliminated before FTW, so Taylor instructed her to deliver an "acceptance speech" for losing. Marcella, one of the least subtle comedians in America, takes out a folded up paper despite saying she never expected this, descends into Inelegant Blubbering, yells at the backstage crew trying to play her off, and eventually collapses on the floor in a weeping, wailing mess, right through Taylor introducing FTW. When the show comes back from commercial, Marcella is still on the floor.
    Taylor: Thank you, Marcella; have a wo-
    Marcella: [from the floor] I HATE YOU, TAYLOR!!! [long, melodramatic wail]
  • March 6, 2024 is one long example of this trope. Adam Pally uses his intro to ask a trivial question about how the show's title works... and then again in the Group Chat... and then seemingly finds a way to continue this one-man debate in every single round, even when Taylor starts taking points away for doing it. Naturally, he's eliminated.
  • On the April 18, 2024 edition, the elimination round has panelists instructed to tell a demonic-looking Furby something that would wake it up. All of Betsy Sodaro's answers involve chanting some kind of Satanic ritual at the top of her lungs (and she wasn't exactly quiet to begin with).
• The Points Mean Nothing: Taken to the extent of Self-Deprecation whenever Taylor or a contestant points out that the show is "a fake game show."
• Popcultural Osmosis Failure: Tig Notaro's February 28th, 2024 appearance sees her fall victim to this repeatedly. Taylor makes a reference to the Baha Men's "Who Let The Dogs Out" which Tig tries to pretend she gets, and fails when Fortune Feimster and Mae Martin call her out for this trope. Tig then proceeds to whiff on references to Hocus Pocus and CatDog, to everyone's amusement.
• Pungeon Master: You still need to be this to do well at Hashtag Wars.
• Refuge in Audacity: This segment, where Taylor shows a TikToker named Samantha Hart, who explains that the formatting of her work email means that it shortens to... well, "shart." Taylor is quick to point out that they legally can't say that on TV, and in response, W. Kamau Bell, followed by Nish Kumar, starts chanting "SHART! SHART! SHART! SHART! SHART!" and getting the audience to join in, leaving Taylor in a fit of giggles.
• The Runner-Up Takes It All: As the person eliminated is given some kind of punishment — really just a prompt to make up some kind of losing speech or skit — it's been argued by viewers that the real winners are the ones who get a whole segment to themselves on the way out, and they're often more memorable than FTW. The episode with Esther Povitsky isn't memorable so much for her winning the episode, as it is for Kurt Braunohler's infamous phone call to his family to tell them he lost (which, to Taylor's horror, made his daughter upset for real). Maria Bamford once sacrificed some points to Laurie Kilmartin just so she could do an elimination... and go home early, of course.
• Running Gag:
  • Spread out over multiple shows: Taylor offers as a prize a "haunted doll" (an odd-looking, boyish doll with a grey beard) that her brother gave her. Why multiple shows? Because every time someone wins the doll — Sasheer Zamata, Pete Holmes, W. Kamau Bell — they simply refuse to take it, no matter how much Taylor begs them to. It kept coming back for months until April 16, 2024, when Marcella Arguello actually insisted on taking it from a relieved Taylor.^note And that wasn't just for TV; according to Marcella herself, she proudly took it home after the taping.
  • Taylor introduces Pete Holmes by mentioning his upcoming show in Oxnard, California, not exactly the most noteworthy town in that state, and self-deprecating Pete can't help but riff on how sad that makes him sound, leading to jokes about performing in Oxnard persisting for the rest of the show.
  • Rob Huebel has to imitate a guy eating wings with a "ranch fountain" and he does so by constantly licking his fingers. He keeps finding excuses to lick his fingers right till the end of the show.
  • On the February 27th, 2024 edition, comedian Caitlin Peluffo was in the first slot, and revealed that not only was she and Taylor friends for years beforehand, but Caitlin is currently sleeping on Taylor's old mattress and bedframe. Jokes persist for the next few segments about Caitlin and her boyfriend having sex on Taylor's old mattress.
    Caitlin: Taylor at one point in her life lived in New York City and she moved back to LA, I believe, for this show.
    Taylor: No I didn't, actually; I just didn't like it there.
  • One of these actually backfired on the show. Adam Ray had this prolonged answer to a Coachella-themed round saying he would "clean your taint for a bed at Coachella." Taylor immediately questions (signalling to the producers) whether or not "taint" is airable, resulting in the whole panel chanting "TAINT! TAINT! TAINT! TAINT! TAINT!" (a Call-Back to W. Kamau Bell & Nish Kumar chanting "shart" on the previous show). Jokes about Adam's taint persist through the show, which is unfortunate for the show, because Taylor reveals the next night that no, they couldn't say it. Presumably, the show got a bit of a talking-to from the censors.
    • Chanting for things seems to become a recurring bit with various panels.
  • March 11, 2024: Faced with the constant back and forth of Randy & Jason Sklar, comedian Rob Haze winds up playing his own game for the whole show and trying in nearly every game to pose for the show's/video's thumbnail. (Many of his attempts actually worked.) When he's eliminated, Randy and Jason join him for one more.
  • Liz Miele, who invoked a Scully Box for her episode, drags it around with her all show, even for games in front of the podiums, with no effort whatsoever to hide it from the cameras.
    Liz: [after dragging it across the floor and stepping back on] Thank you. I'm the tallest one here.
  • Drew Carey pretty much broke the show on April 23, 2024 when, during the Talk Show Portion, he takes the first opportunity to unleash a heavily-censored ramble about seeing Phish at the Sphere in Las Vegas — which he compared to being "edged for four days straight" and then getting injected with heroin and having a "fifteen minute orgasm while your eyes fall out of your head." After that bit of purple prose, Taylor's attempt to make it easy to edit out is only met with uproarious laughter, and eventually it gets riffed on in every subsequent game, until Taylor happily declares they can't edit it out now.
• Scenery Porn: The simple-looking yet dynamic set, with the big flip-phone main monitor, surrounded by translucent glass panels and lights that change vibrant colors depending on the situation.
• Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Downplayed, Taylor doesn't invoke this nearly as often as her predecessor did, save for one occasion where she said that in rehearsals, she found a game's rules complicated enough that she made the game worth 200 points instead of 100. She'll also award points in the Talk Show Portion if someone says something clever or interesting enough, even though it's not supposed to be a competitive segment.
• Self-Deprecation: Taylor Tomlinson's stand-up jokes about her own struggles with mental health extend to this show, and contestants sometimes follow suit.
• Sequel Series: To the original @Midnight, with frequent guests of the original showing up here, as well as some more recent faces in comedy, Taylor included.
• Shirtless Scene: January 30, 2024's edition had a game called Better Life/Worse Life, where contestants are shown TikToks of some very eccentric influencers, and have to elaborate on why their lives are better or worse than them. The last one is a shirtless, muscle-bound guy in white jeans spraying perfume on himself. Jerry O'Connell chimed in proclaiming his life was better than this man's, by taking off his shirt and showing off his dad bod while dancing to the same stock music. Arden Myrin and Mary Lynn Rajskub get on the floor and do the worm around him just to be a part of... whatever this is, and thus everyone gets points. Jerry is made to take off his shirt again for a later segment.
• Sore Loser: Played for Laughs by a few eliminated contestants.
  • Marcella Arguello is tasked to give an award show acceptance speech for losing, and it quickly becomes Inelegant Blubbering and a Troubled Fetal Position on the floor, with occasional whines and outbursts from the floor as Taylor tries to carry on... and she's still on the floor whining right through the end credits.
  • Since Wayne Brady happened to lose on the Super Bowl special, Wayne has to give a "loser's press conference." Using the cadence of a bitter football player, he proceeds to blame everyone else but himself for his failure, and even takes questions from the audience just so he can offer more excuses, before storming off the set. Classic Wayne.
    Audience member: What do you think you could have done differently?
    Wayne: Nothing, shut the hell up!
• Special Guest: Occasionally someone who is not a panelist will show up just for a specific segment.
  • The Super Bowl special stopped halfway through so the panelists could watch a "halftime show" from improvisational musician and Youtube sensation Mark Rebillet.
  • The March 4th, 2024 edition had a special Talk Show Portion hosted by Survivor's Jeff Probst. Of course, it became the Tribal Council Portion.
• Speed Round: Hashtag Wars is still this, and sometimes there's another game of this nature in the elimination round.
• The Stoner:
  • Doug Benson, as usual. A game was played on the January 23, 2024 edition where Taylor plays a clip from a random old VHS tape, and afterward a panelist has to buzz in with what the next line could be. One was a PSA with a mom telling a son "Getting high is artificial. Any fool can get high." Doug is practically salivating ready to buzz in with the next line.
    Taylor: Doug's ready! What's the next line? [chime] Doug!
    Doug: [with palpable glee] "HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF DOUG BENSON?!"
  • One round involves Taylor showing panelists rather odd recipes being made in TikTok videos. The first one is a pineapple pizza made on a watermelon slice. (With barbecue sauce!) Adam Ray can't help but chime in:
    Adam Ray: As a stoner, I definitely was like "dude, what is- oh my god, I'm making this tonight."
    Taylor: You crave watermelon when you're high? God, you're so healthy.
• Stylistic Suck:
  • The Talk Show Portion is this. Taylor goes down the panel and asks pointless questions of each panelist, and it usually goes nowhere. Eventually, it settled into a bit of a breather segment that allows the panel to riff off each other for a bit.
  • Invoked in a segment on the February 12, 2024 edition where the contestants have to perform "weaponized incompetence" which is a term usually used for male partners in relationships who intentionally do a poor job doing housework so they never have to do it. Riki Lindhome sweeps up a pile of dirt by... doing a stripper routine only interrupted by blithely sweeping the dirt once, right into the front row of the audience. Vinny Thomas folds laundry by... just making a bag out of one of the clothes and shoving everything else inside. The worst by far is Rob Huebel, who has to clean spilled ketchup off a table, and does so by licking it off his fingers (see Running Gag). Taylor's horrified reaction indicates that this was probably a mistake:
    Taylor: [looking ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED] Oh, Rob, that ketchup's been there all day!
    Rob: What?
    Taylor: We rehearsed with that ketchup! Oh my god!
• Take That, Audience!: Inspired by internet trolls who blasted the show initially for not being another late night talk show, Taylor started the Talk Show Portion, an interview segment with the three contestants that's usually as inane and arbitrary as possible. At the very least, it's just something else for comedians to riff off of, and at most it's an opportunity for a contestant to promote a current project.^note Taylor once tried to promote her own comedy special during this segment, but cringed so much in doing so that she openly begged the contestants to plug their own projects so she doesn't "feel perceived." Taylor has even spelled out explicitly that she never had any interest in doing a talk show.
  Taylor: Well, that wraps up the Talk Show Portion; are you animals satisfied?!
• Technologically Blind Elders: Averted by Caroline Rhea; when asked to identify what an NPC is for a game, she knows her daughter's video gaming habits so well that she gets it right off the bat (punctuated with a sassy hair flip for good measure). Not bad considering Caroline is pushing 60 by the time of this episode.
• That Came Out Wrong: The first repeat guest, Kurt Braunohler, during the Talk Show Portion on March 5, 2024, is asked if anything's happened since last appearing, and he tells this unfortunate tale:
  Kurt: And then on the way home, I took an Uber, and I was getting out of the car, I just was like "Thank you so much," and I was leaving and he just instinctually went "Love you too."
  Taylor: Ohhhhh, that's amazing for you and terrible for him!
  Kurt: Yeah, and then I just closed the door and was like, "he didn't mean to do that."
  Taylor: Ohhh, five stars. Did you tip really big?
  Kurt: No, I gave him one star and said he's gross.
• That Reminds Me of a Song: The Super Bowl special brings on internet sensation Marc Rebillet for "After Midnight's first ever halftime show" and it's an improvised EDM track about all the different things that happen in football, delivered in stream-of-consciousness as only Marc Rebillet can.
• Troll:
  • The February 28th, 2024 edition has Tig Notaro, Mae Martin and Fortune Feimster of the Handsome podcast, and while they spend much of the show hazing each other, Tig is in peak Deadpan Snarker mode (even by her standards) and frequently undermines Taylor, Mae and Fortune, and the show itself, for fun. And somehow she still wins the episode.
  • Adam Pally steps all over Ron Funches' return episode on March 6, 2024 by asking about the logistics of the show's title and refusing to let it go for the entire show, until Taylor resorts to taking points away from him whenever he starts rambling on about it again. And even when he's eliminated, he's still Defiant to the End.
• Victory Pose: Usually the episode's winner just pumps their hands in the air, but Zach Noe Towers' epic Darkhorse Victory, over heretofore dominant Beth Stelling, results in him outstretching his arms and doing a perfectly flamboyant spin, and he earned it.
• Zonk: The prizes for winning an episode are always underwhelming or just plain odd. Prizes have included: a creepy doll (offered multiple times because the winners keep giving it back), a fresh batch of socks, a broken rolling chair, Taylor's father's approval, a pair of jeans with the security device still on them that Taylor swears they did not steal, a dental goodie bag, a bunch of ketchup packets Taylor was keeping in her fridge, and a free trip to Loomis, Nebraska.

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