(Best read in the voice of Chris Latta, Michael Dobson, Marc Thompson, Charlie Adler, or Robert Baker.)
People of TV Tropes, I am Cobra Commander, president of Cobra Island and leader of the mighty criminal empire known as COBRA. For years, I have pursued world domination, but despite my military prowess and limitless resources, I have time and again met defeat at the hands of the GI Joes thanks to the MORONS who dare to call themselves my subordinates.
YES, THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, MINDBENDER! Unless you’d like to try making a better Commander again, you can quit trying blame ME for YOUR MISTAKES!
My glorious career began as a car salesman who lost everything and went insane, or maybe as the Baroness’s younger brother—THAT HAPPENED, BARONESS. YOU CAN STOP LOOKING SO DEPRESSED—or perhaps as a nobleman from an ancient race of snake people sent to take over the world after a lab accident disfigured me… Or perhaps I am a mere human who was aimless and searching for meaning and subsequently taken in by that ancient race of snakes.
Through years of hard work, I founded COBRA and began my efforts to bring the world to its knees.
Tropes that desssssscribe me:
- Alternative Character Interpretation: I am often mocked for ordering a retreat when things go south, in-universe and by the fans, but after Serpentor's disastrous invasion of Washington DC nearly got Cobra wiped out, many fans have started to see there is more wisdom in my decisions than previously thought. Cobra has resources, but we still have limits, and we certainly cannot throw them away in a suicidal confrontation with the US military.
- Archnemesis Dad: To think, my own son Billy has chosen to be an ingrate and oppose my plans for world domination. Darth Vader has to deal with this too, so at least I'm in good company.
- Army of Lawyers: I have them, and they've kept me out of Blackwater Prison more than once. The Joes fear them far more than they fear my actual troops. Though given the caliber of soldiers I have to work with, I can't say that I blame them.
- Big Bad: I’m the leader of a global terrorist organization. The only way I could possibly get bigger and badder is if these MORONS learned how to follow orders for once in their pathetic lives.
- The Blank: When I’m wearing the metal faceplate. WHY I wear the faceplate seems to shift with the breeze, but I think we can all agree it’s better that way.
- Body Horror: Lizard man with multiple eyes thanks to a lab accident. I suppose it never occurred to you people that the mask was for your benefit.
- Captain Ersatz: WHAT!!! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH BARON ZEMO! ''HE'' STOLE THE HOOD FROM ''ME''!!!
- Cassandra Truth: Serpentor's first plan as Cobra's leader is to invade Washington DC under the assumption that he will force the United States to surrender. I warn everyone that this is a terrible plan, but nobody listens. Sure enough, I am proven right when Cobra is driven from the city because we cannot afford such a foolhardy confrontation with US military.
- Catchphrase: HAIL COBRA!!!
- “Cobra retreat!” doesn’t count!
- Cool Mask: My mask complements my Mysterious Past and my aura of majestic command quite well, I must say.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: In one reality, I have conquered the world of business via Cobra Industries with plans to own the rest of the world as well. Due to health problems, I appeared to the public via hologram as "Adam DeCobray". Unfortunately, the renegades calling themselves Joes repeatedly foiled my plans and succeeded in exposing my true identity and goals. I swore revenge, but you'll never get to see how it ended...
- Demoted to Dragon: Someone as great as me, having to serve under a fool like Serpentor... NO, I'M NOT LETTING IT GO, MINDBENDER! I GOT TURNED INTO A SNAKE!! ...Yes, yes, I KNOW I got my revenge, but THAT took some time.
- Depending on the Artist: I stick mainly to some variation on either the hood or the reflective mask. I like to have fun with the design of the mask.
- Diabolical Mastermind: Was there ever any doubt? Under my leadership, Cobra has survived defeats by the G.I. Joes, internal conflicts and the blithering incompetence of would-be usurpers like Serpentor, and risen time and again to threaten the freedom of the globe!
- Dirty Coward: I AM NOT A COWAAAAARD!!! In fact! Under the pen of Joshua Williamson, he has made it a point to not have me be this! So hah!
- Dumbass Has a Point:
- I AM NOT STUPID! Regardless, when Serpentor took over, he got the bright idea to invade Washington DC, assuming the rest of America would surrender. I warned him that this was a mistake, but nobody listened. I was proven right. Not only did invading Washington not bring about the quick victory over America that Serpentor promised, but he quickly found that Cobra lacks the manpower for a long-term occupation. Many fans have reevaluated my frequent retreats in light of Serpentor's failure highlighting that staying and fighting would cause losses Cobra cannot afford.
- Serpentor wasn't grateful when I rescued him after his failed invasion, but I pointed out that he needed me alive as a scapegoat for his defeat. Otherwise, the rest of Cobra would realize he's not as perfect as he made himself out to be.
- Evil Sounds Deep: Well, Live-Action Movie Me at least. I normally don't sound like this, but I can rise to the occasion every now and then; a line like "As Stalin said, trust no one, not even yourself" is meant to be said in low ominous tones, after all. Funny story, before people heard my voice for the first time, quite a few of them imagined me sounding like Orson Welles.
- Evil Sounds Raspy: Most of the time I sound like this instead, given Chris Latta gave me one hell of a Creepy High-Pitched Voice.
- The Faceless: My mask typically reveals only my eyes, or completely covers my face. It ensures both my anonymity and my intimidating mystique.
- Multiple-Choice Past: A disgraced scientist from a secret society, a disgraced car salesman, or a jarhead at the wrong place at the wrong time. If that purple coated jester can do it, why can't I?
- According to Battle Action Force, one of the Joes' predecessor teams battled a criminal organization called the Red Shadows, led by a fellow named Baron Ironblood. After one defeat too many, the Baron reportedly faked his death and went into hiding. Much has been made about how my debut on the national stage "seemingly from nowhere" occurred mere months after the Baron's disappearance. But I assure you this is just a coincidence.
- Retired Monster: Around 2006, I began selling my services under the alias "Old Snake". I was hired by a New York crime boss to transfer the minds of four Autobots into some old synthoid bodies I had laying around. The plan didn't work out, and I lamented how they don't make terrorists like they used to. I then attempted my old battlecry... but my lungs couldn't handle it.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: What a great system! If you have enough money and you can hire the best lawyers, you can do anything you want!
- Smug Snake: It is not a sin to be smug, for I am the leader of Cobra after all!
- The Starscream: When Serpentor took over Cobra, I tried to sabotage him to regain my rightful position. I am aware of certain connections… even if they are pitiful.
- Took a Level in Badass: Sssssay what you will about all the times my incompetent underlings failed me in the original cartoons, but in G.I. Joe: Resolute I not only turned out to have been using Obfuscating Stupidity all along, but I BLEW UP MOSCOW! No one can take that away from me!
- Was Once a Man: I can't believe they made a trope out of this. The Baroness eventually tried to restore me to normal, but I STILL ended up as MORE of a lizard man than I already was! I HAD THE URGE TO EAT FLIES! ...Not that I DIDN'T consider myself to have FINALLY returned, and at least I only had TWO eyes again. Finding one of my battle suits also helped.
- Where the Hell Is Springfield?: I once set up a secret base in a nice little town called Springfield. No, not that one. Virtually every state has a Springfield. I can set up shop in any one of them.
Now that I am done here, you shall be loyal to me, you shall read thisssss page—
You Fool!!! No one will read a page with so few tropes here! They'll flock to the Joes' page and make you look like an idiot in their eyes while you do nothing about it!!!
NOT NOW DESTRO! But if they try, I shall— wait, you gave me an idea, Destro! I'll get my men to raid that page and deface the Joes' character folders! TROOPS! You shall make an account on this scummy website each and deface the Joes' character folders! FOR COOOOBRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
COBRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
