Release: June 9, 2015
Film: Jupiter Ascending
Tagline: You know Wachowskis…COME ON!
We remembered these tropes so you don't have to:
- Actor Allusion:
- The Critic retorts to Jupiter's opening narration with an obligatory "Shut up, Meg!".
- While balking on the absurdity of Jupiter's name, he was interrupted by Amanda Céline Miller, who claims "Jupiter" is a good name — after all, she also voiced another "Jupiter".
- Big-Lipped Alligator Moment: Invoked during the first part of the episode. The Critic's rant about Jupiter's name is interrupted by Miller, who claims the name is decent. The Critic finds it random, bids her off, and proceeds with his narration like nothing happened.
- Body Surf: Malcolm gets taken over by Agent Schmuck who gives the Wachowskis the money they need to finance the movie, and which also explains how they keep getting funding.
- Call-Back: At the scene where Falque was being attacked by Jupiter's bees, the Critic dubs into him the "Not the bees!" meme:Critic!Falque: Not the bees! Not the bees! Oh, they're in my eyes! My obviously not royal eyes!
- The Cameo: Amanda Céline Miller, Sailor Jupiter's second English voice actress, appears briefly at the first half and at a post-credits scene.
- Chronically Killed Actor: Sean Bean is introduced opening a door while holding a shotgun, which the Critic takes as an indication that he refuses to die in this film.
- Damsel Scrappy: In-Universe, the Critic deems Jupiter an even worse Damsel in Distress than Bella Swan, who aced his "Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress" list.
- Face Palm: The Critic can only rub his temples in annoyance after seeing a few award-winning actors hamming it up in the "League of Good Actors Who Give One Bat Shit Crazy Performance" (see below).
- Follow the Leader: The Critic's biggest problem with this film is that it is so blatantly derivative he puts up a "Rip-Off Sidepot" to indicate scenes from other movies and shows it copied without having to divert from his narration.
- As an example, he places Tappy Toes as having ripped off Happy Feet.
- Caine using his energy shield to deflect gunfire from the bounty hunters — The Phantom Menace and Masters of the Universe
- Tracking shot of Balem's base — Naboo The Phantom Menace and Rivendell The Lord of the Rings (renamed "Nabore" and "Rivendull", respectively)
- Keepers probing Katharine — the aliens from Signs
- A tracking shot of Balem's base — Blade Runner
- Jupiter and Caine flying together in the Chicago sky — Superman Returns
- The chase scene between Jupiter and Caine against the bounty hunters — Attack of the Clones and The Fifth Element
- The aliens erasing memories of Chicago residents — Men in Black
- The tense reunion of Caine and Stinger — Han and Lando from The Empire Strikes Back and Ernest Saves Christmas
- Jupiter getting kidnapped by the bounty hunters on a jet bike — Return of the Jedi
- The arrival of the spaceship carrying Jupiter into a flowery planet — Star Trek Into Darkness
- Tracking shot of Jupiter — Star Trek: The Motion Picture
- Introductory shot to one of the robotic workers at the Jupiter facility — A.I.: Artificial Intelligence
- Scene of the bounty hunters' ship bringing Jupiter to Balem's Great Red Spot facility — the Falcon entering the Death Star in A New Hope
- The conversation between Jupiter and Titus — The Black Hole
- Caine piloting a robot to save Jupiter from her wedding to Titus — Neon Genesis Evangelion
- Caine crashing into Jupiter and Titus's wedding — "Every Romcom Ever Made" (with the side-pot showing Wedding Crashers)
- Ham and Cheese/Money, Dear Boy: In-Universe, the Critic deems Eddie Redmayne's role as the Big Bad, Balem, to be one of those purely profit-driven roles taken up by otherwise good actors. Redmayne (Doug, dressed as Balem) then interrupts the Critic, claiming he did this to be able to be admitted into the "League of Good Actors Who Give One Bat Shit Crazy Performance", joining the likes of Jeremy Irons (Rob) as Profion, Glenn Close (Tamara) as Cruella de Vil, Michael Sheen (Jim) as Aro and Frank Langella (Malcolm) as Skeletor.
- Malicious Misnaming: After ranting about how stupid the name "Jupiter Jones" is, the Critic proceeds to refer to her as "Duck Dodgers".
- Off the Rails/Overly Long Gag: During the opening sketch, Doug, Tamara and Malcolm break character to talk about who should be playing as Lana Wachowski before they just lose control of it. After an apology, the skit goes back on track.
- Shout-Out:
- The scene where the Keepers attack the fertility clinic Jupiter was being tested in is being accompanied by the Critic dubbing "Precious!" over the aliens.
- The Critic expresses his annoyance over the continued conversations through a scene of Miles yelling at Jack to shut up during the golfing scene in Sideways.
- Jupiter Jones is renamed "Duck Dodgers", after the eponymous protagonist of Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century.
- Take That!:
- The Critic compares The Greys to men's rights activists seeing a woman for the first time.
- He also claims the scene where Jupiter and Caine floats up into the Chicago skyline rips off Superman Returns, to which the Critic indicates that at least someone watched and ripped off so poor a film as that.
- The Critic deems Jupiter Ascending to be so bad he thinks this is the lovechild of M. Night Shyamalan's pretentiousness and Uwe Boll's disregard for reality (complete with a poster for Rampage 3).
- The scene where Caine crashes into Jupiter and Titus's wedding has the Critic wondering if this is how The Graduate would have looked like had Roland Emmerich directed it.
"I love dogs, I've always loved dogs." "GO!!!"
