Recap / Tales From The Crypt S 5 E 1 Death Of Some Salesmen

Death of Some Salesmen

Sure, the benefits are to die for, but the initial premium is the real killer.

(a man is seen being hung to death from a noose, advertised as a for-purchase product on the "Home Chopping Network"; the Crypt Keeper appears superimposed over the scene)
Crypt Keeper: (wearing a toupee and dressed as a salesperson) Well kiddies, I'm afraid our designer hanger offer has expired. Would somebody please get Mr. De la Renta out of here? (the noose is cut, dropping the dead man out of frame) Next up on the Home Chopping Network, (the camera pans over a collection of beauty products, ending with a skeletal hand holding some mascara) it's time for the Crypt Keeper's fashion boo-tique. Today, we're featuring my full line of Après Vie death care products. We've got everything from face scream to mas-scare-a. Try some! It's the best thing you can do for... demise. (cackles) Or maybe I could interest you in tonight's special. It's a tasteless tidbit about a traveling cemetery plot salesmen who's about to make a grave mistake. I call it: Death of Some Salesmen.

Judd Campbell (Ed Begley Jr.) is a con artist who masquerades as a traveling salesman, making his living selling burial plots for Restful Hills Memorial Park... a cemetery that doesn't actually exist. He combs the obituary pages and visits families of the recently deceased in order to persuade them to finish paying for a death benefits package that their dead loved ones are said to have signed up for. One day, Judd takes a wrong turn and ends up at a farmhouse where the elderly Ma and Pa Brackett (both played by Tim Curry) live. He gives the old couple his usual sales pitch and persuades them to buy a benefits package, promising to take them to see Restful Hills the next day. As he waits in the kitchen for Pa to get the money, Judd finds a man's severed head inside the microwave, and a second dead man impaled through the mouth with a vacuum cleaner hose in the closet. He tries to flee the house, only to find the door locked, just as Pa clubs him unconscious.

Judd wakes up to find his wrists and ankles shackled together and overhears Pa planning to kill him. Confronting Judd, the Bracketts tell him that they've developed a burning hatred for salesmen after being swindled with their phony products once too often, just as Pa shows off a salesman's body stuffed into their color TV to make their point. Before her husband can kill Judd, however, Ma decides to give their daughter Winona (also Tim Curry) a chance to see him. Judd discovers that Winona is repulsively ugly, but he manages to use all of his available charm and willpower to force himself to get an erection at the sight of her, convincing Winona that he loves her. After some highly unpleasant sex, Winona tells Judd that her parents have amassed a huge cash dowry for her inheritance, made with the profits of all the salesmen they've killed. With his greed sparked, Judd agrees to marry Winona to get the cash and escape.

Pa officiates the ceremony, but he refuses to undo Judd's restraints. In a fit of rage after being told that her new husband is still going to be killed after they're wed, Winona kills her father by strangling him and breaking his neck, then bashes her mother's head against the floor until she dies as well. Winona releases Judd and takes him to the basement, where the cash dowry is buried, but Judd shoots her with a revolver Pa dropped and continues digging on his own. He soon finds a box that contains one of his own phony cemetery plot deeds... with his name written on it. He looks up from the hole to find all three of the Bracketts standing over him and laughing, each of them having faked their deaths and tricked Judd into digging his own grave for one of their twisted games. As Judd takes this in, Pa gleefully loads his double-barreled shotgun and shoots the swindler point blank in the face.

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Tropes:

• Abhorrent Admirer: The hideously ugly Winona has quite the attraction to Judd, which isn't at all mutual.
• Abusive Parents: If what she says is true, Winona hates how her parents treat her, always calling her ugly and a lost cause. She grows enamored with Judd and wants to marry him so she can run from home.
• Acting for Two: Or three in this case, as Tim Curry portrays Ma, Pa, and Winona. His triple role in the episode earned him an Emmy nomination.
• Adaptational Name Change: In the comic, the doomed salesman is named "Stuart Thatcher"; here, it's Judd Campbell.
• Adaptational Villainy: In the comic, Stuart was a legitimate and honest salesman who only stopped at the Bracketts' house because his car broke down and he needed to call a tow truck. In the episode, Judd is a con artist who fleeces innocent people by preying on their grief, so he's a lot more deserving of his punishment.
• Artistic License – Gun Safety: As Judd starts to wake up after he's knocked out, he sees Pa wiping down the barrel of his revolver with his finger on the trigger. Given who we're talking about, it's probably not very surprising.
• Asshole Victim: Judd cheats people out of their riches by preying on their love for their deceased relatives, and as such, is given an episode-long serving of karma, being kidnapped by a family of psychotic rednecks, raped by their hideous daughter, tricked into digging his own grave, and shot in the face with a shotgun.
• The Bad Guy Wins: The Bracketts come out on top, making Judd their latest victim at the end of the episode.
• Bald of Evil: Pa, who aches to kill Judd and does so at the end, is noticeably balding.
• Batter Up!: When Judd tries to run after finding the corpses of the other salesmen, Pa knocks him out cold with a baseball bat.
• Berserk Button: The Bracketts hate being swindled by sleazy salesmen with defective products, so they've killed said salesmen with their own products. This button has gradually escalated to simply having a salesman in their presence, as Pa can't wait to off Judd regardless of what he's selling or if he's on the level.
• Black Comedy Rape: Judd being raped by the hideous Winona. It's unsettling if not hilarious.
• The Cameo: Yvonne De Carlo, TV's Lily Munster, appears as Mrs. Jones, the old woman who Judd swindles out of her life savings.
• Canon Foreigner: Winona. In the comic, Stuart only encountered a husband and wife.
• Creepy Souvenir: The Bracketts have kept the products of every salesman who's tried to swindle them — mixed in with the bodies of said salesmen — as trophies of their victories.
• Con Man: For all intents and purposes, Judd is a swindler instead of a salesman.
• Dies Differently in Adaptation: We never actually see him die, but in the original comic, Stuart was revealed to be selling deli slicers, implying that the psychotic couple were going to use it on him. In the episode, Judd sells burial plots for a non-existent cemetery, so the Bracketts trick him into digging his own grave before they shoot him in the face with a shotgun.
• Dig Your Own Grave: The Bracketts ultimately trick Judd into doing this in their own basement, since he's looking for their cash dowry. The only thing he actually finds in the hole he digs is one of his phony cemetery permits with his name on it... minutes before he's shot point blank in the face.
• Disney Death: Ma, Pa, and Winona, who were faking their deaths as part of their ploy on Judd.
• Disproportionate Retribution: The Bracketts kill salesmen simply because the products they were selling turned out to be shoddy and defective.
• Due to the Dead: Averted with Judd, who uses people's dead relatives to dupe them out of their money by lying that the deceased signed up for one of his benefits packages.
• Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Mr. and Mrs. Brackett are only ever referred to as "Pa" and "Ma", respectively.
• Evil Is Hammy: The Bracketts are psychotic and pretty big in the ham department. It's justifiable since all three are played by Tim Curry.
• Evil Old Folks: Ma and Pa Brackett.
• Exact Words: Judd got a diner waitress into bed this way, pulling the card when she rightfully calls him out for it.
  Waitress: So you lied to me.
  Judd: No, you said you wanted to get out of this stinking little burg, and I sold you a way to do it... for the night. Now it's morning, and the warranty's expired.
• Faux Affably Evil: Judd easily turns on the theatrics when he's discussing business with potential customers.
• Fan Disservice: Judd's sex scene with Winona, being both disgusting and non-consensual.
• Fanservice: The opening sex scene of the episode, where Judd and the waitress go at it.
• Fatal Flaw: Judd's unending need for cold hard cash. It ends up having him trying to swindle a family of rednecks who kill salesmen after a lifetime of being swindled, who summarily make sure that he never leaves their house alive.
• Fingore: The Crypt Keeper accidentally chops off his left fingers in his closing segment. True to his character, he's not particularly freaked out about it.
• Foreshadowing:
  • Pa's first appearance has him telling Ma that he was in the middle of digging. This comes into play later when Winona tells Judd about the cash dowry in her house's basement.
  • Judd also notices that the Bracketts own an expensive TV, which gets him thinking that they're secretly rich. Pa later reveals to Judd, after he and his wife capture him, that it's one of their trophies from a previous salesman who tried to swindle them, the man's body revealed to be crammed inside the set.
• The Grotesque: WINONA. She's quite possibly the most horrifically ugly woman to appear in the series, and a good portion of the episode has her getting it on with a bound-and-gagged Judd without his consent.
• Hear Me the Money: The sound of a cash register bell is heard as Judd glimpses at the Bracketts' expensive-looking stereo set, and again when learns about the cash dowry hidden in their basement.
• Heartbeat Soundtrack: Judd's heart is heard furiously pumping as he tries to get an erection to convince Winona that he loves her.
• Hillbilly Horrors: The Bracketts are a family of psychotic rednecks living in a ramshackle house in a ramshackle town. As Judd learns, they routinely murder salesmen who come to their door after a lifetime of being fooled by their defective products, but not before kidnapping them and subjecting them to rape and subsequent marriage to their hideously ugly daughter.
• Immodest Orgasm: Winona has one when she finishes having her way with Judd.
• Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: How the vacuum cleaner salesman met his end, and with his own product to boot.
• Inciting Incident:
  • Judd ends up in the Bracketts' house after confusing their home address (Maple Drive) with a different one (Maple Street). His greed, triggered by Ma innocently asking if he's selling something, has him viewing the Bracketts as easy marks, so he seals his fate by trying to swindle them.
  • He also discovers what the Bracketts do to swindling salesmen when he tries using their microwave to heat his coffee. Had he either drunk it as it was, or left it behind, he could have collected his money and made a clean getaway.
• Ironic Echo/Meaningful Echo: At the start of the episode, Judd smugly says "It's called 'salesmanship'." to the waitress who slept with him, thinking that he loved her and promised to help her get out of dead-end town. At the end, Pa Brackett throws these words right back at Judd's face, just as he pumps buckshot into it.
• Jerkass: Judd, a con artist posing as a traveling salesman who swindles people by preying on their grief for their recently-departed relatives.
• Karmic Rape: After using his charms to screw (and screw over) a poor waitress in the beginning of the episode (essentially, rape by deception), Judd ends up being raped by the horrifically ugly Winona as karma for his actions.
• Loophole Abuse: The waitress Judd has sex with reminds him that he promised to take her away from her dead-end town. Judd replies that he did so... for the night, since she wasn't specific.
• No Range Like Point-Blank Range: At the very end of the episode, Judd is shot point-blank in the face with Pa's shotgun.
• "Not If They Enjoyed It" Rationalization: It's possible that Judd faked his own orgasm just to keep up his belief that Winona was beautiful.
• Nothing Personal: As Judd puts it: "It's called 'salesmanship'."
• Off with His Head!: The fate of the microwave salesman, with Judd discovering the poor guy's head when he tries to heat his coffee.
• Oh, Crap!: When Judd discovers the severed head of the microwave salesman, then sees the body of the vacuum salesman immediately afterwards.
• Out-Gambitted: Judd regularly swindles people out of their riches by selling burial plots for a fake cemetery. The Bracketts prove themselves to be far more clever than him, and more clever than a typical hillbilly family, by putting him through an agonizing session of torture, letting their hideous daughter rape him, and then killing him after duping him into digging his own grave.
• P.O.V. Cam: The episode ends with a shot from Judd's perspective, staring down the barrels of Pa's loaded shotgun, followed by a muzzle flash and a cut to black as Pa kills him.
• Pre-Mortem One-Liner: "It's called salesmanship.", which Pa says to Judd before he kills him.
• Raging Stiffie: After a huge amount of mental concentration, Judd manages to get an erection to convince Winona that he loves her.
• Rags to Riches: Despite their typical hillbilly mannerisms, the Bracketts are revealed to be rather rich, since they've kept all the expensive products that the other salesmen who came to their house tried to sell, and pooled all their profits into a cash dowry worth thousands buried in their basement.
• Room Full of Crazy: Winona's room is filled with creepy dolls strung up on mobiles, pinned to the walls, and some that are dismembered.
• Sadistic Choice: Before the grotesque Winona ultimately has her way with Judd, she reminds him that if he doesn't actually love her, or is unable to prove his love for her, she can always take him back to her father, who is all too eager to put a bullet in his brain.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Judd understandably tries to make a run for it when he finds the remains of two salesmen in the Bracketts' kitchen, but he doesn't get far.
• Self-Made Orphan: Winona murders her parents when she has enough of their abusive treatment. It's revealed to be a ruse when they get back up later.
• Sex Equals Love: Winona believes this before and after she sleeps with Judd, even thinking that love is detected whenever a man gets an erection.
• Sex Signals Death: Winona is seemingly shot dead by Judd after they have sex and tie the knot, but she's revealed to have faked it, along with her parents.
• Shotgun Wedding: Judd allows himself to marry Winona to get to her family's dowry. The shotgun comes at the end, when Pa shoots Judd with it.
• Shout-Out: Judd accidentally arrives on Maple Drive when he was meant to travel to Maple Street.
• Sinister Minister: Pa is revealed to be a preacher, allowing him to wed Judd and Winona. He also kills Judd for his and his family's own sadism.
• Slices, Dices, and Makes Julienne Fries: The Crypt Keeper says this nearly word-for-word when discussing the Slash-O-Matic he's selling. It seems to work well on carrots and does a wonder on his fingers, so he may be onto something.
• Smug Snake: Every square inch of Judd's person screams "smug", from his fancy suit to his slicked back, bleached blonde hair.
• Take This Job and Shove It: It's implied that the waitress Judd slept with quit her job at the diner to be with him. She really comes to regret that when he ditches her first thing in the morning.
• Traveling Salesman: These guys are the Bracketts' victims of choice, and Pa lampshades about the days when they used to come around all the time. Judd is a con man who poses as one for a living, so the viewers will be glad to see him get taken out of the picture.
• Villain Ball: Judd has just learned that he's arrived at the wrong house. Rather than accept this mistake and make his way to his original destination, the suspiciously creepy residents of the house he's disturbed ask if he's selling something, prompting him to repeat his scam on them. When he enters their house, he ultimately never sees the light of day again.

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Crypt Keeper: (operates a cash register which brings up "NO SALE"; he's still wearing his salesperson outfit, but has traded his toupee for an apron) Good old Judd. Just another satisfied ghost-omer. (snickers) I guess it's true what they say: "The family that slays together stays together." (cackles) We come now to one of my favorite items: (unveils a knife) the amazing Crypt Keeper Slash-O-Matic! It's more than just a knife. (uses the knife to furiously chop a carrot from the pile of vegetables in front of him) It peels, it cuts, makes fabulous French fries, it slices, it dices, it- (stops suddenly when a fleshy sound is heard; he raises his hand to reveal that he's cut his fingers off) Ohhhh.