Slices, Dices, and Makes Julienne Fries

Here's a Stock Phrase born in the world of infomercials.

This trope is a must for the conscientious writer looking for a snappy, poppy way to jazz up the multiple talents of the object of his description.

You can put it at the end of a full list of other talents ("it's murderous, relentless, merciless, and makes julienne fries!") or when describing all other generic slicers and dicers (swords, battle axes, Japanese chefs, etc.) add "... and makes julienne fries" in a cute little wink.

A must for your Pop Culture Referencing Genies!

But Wait, There's More! Choose this stock phrase now and we'll throw in "handles stubborn stains", "and still cut a tomato" for free!

The Trope Namer for this was commercials for the Veg-O-Matic, one of the first products Ron Popeil sold, which really could do all of the things mentioned in the title. For those of you who don't remember it, the Veg-O-Matic was basically a French-fry cutter, fitted with a second blade that could be turned 90 degrees to cut slices.

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Examples:

Advertising

• According to this classic ad, Sonic the Hedgehog 2.
• Not exactly word-for-word, but something similar showed up in the The Magic Bullet Infomercial.

Comic Books

• One Pinky and the Brain story in the Animaniacs comic has, after Brain lists what his machine does, Pinky asking "does it make Julienne Fries?"
• Secret Six: Ragdoll's breadknife. It slices, it dices, it hamstrings giant brainwashed superheroes. It also cuts off his own hand.

Comic Strips

• Bloom County has a Sunday Strip in which Opus watches a campaign ad parodying this style:
  He slices! He dices! He mashes! He smashes his opponents!! Just look how easily he carves through special interests! Watch as he quickly turns a PAC into so many hundreds of delicious fries!!! He'll never lose his edge! Jack Blatt is the greatest thing since the Ronco "Turnip Twaddler"!
• One early-'90s Garfield strip saw Garfield watching one of these infomercials on TV:
  Pitchman: Yes, it slices, dices, chops and shreds! It cuts and cubes! It pulverizes!
  Jon: Selling cats?
  Garfield: Yes.

Film — Animated

• The merchant/Framing Device guy in Aladdin tries to sell such a device to the viewer: A combination hookah and coffee maker, also makes julienne fries.
  Merchant: Will not break! (bangs on table) It will not— (breaks)...It broke!
• In The Incredibles, Syndrome intones like a pitchman when he introduces the new Omnidroid (and his new self) to Mr. Incredible. "It's bigger! It's badder!"

Film — Live-Action

• In Explorers, the three kids meet aliens who pick up English from watching television. One did a better job than the other so the latter communicates by speaking out TV catchphrases and clips from old black-and-white TV recordings, including this one.
• In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990), Michelangelo starts doing the "it slices, it dices" routine as he tosses a pizza in the air and Leonardo slices it with his katanas — until a slice falls on Splinter's head.
  Mike: Yes friends, the new Turbo-Ginsu! *Mikey tosses the pizza upwards, Leo begins slicing it* It dices! It slices, and it makes french fries in three different— *a slice lands on Splinter's head* — whoops!!
• Ernest Goes to Camp gives us Jake and Eddie's "Liver Loaf Lunch Arranger", a massive homemade food processor / heavy artillery that quickly cobbles together "edible" meals from raw and even non-food ingredients.
  Jake: The way I got this figured, is the new Liver Loaf Lunch Arranger can feed the entire camp in under two minutes! It slices, it dices, it juliennes... and it teaches RESPECT!!!

Literature

• In Animorphs, the heroes have to cover for a broken-down Chee android named Erek (Chee are normally disguised with a hologram, but due to Yeerk tampering with the Pemalite ship that was the source of their technology, their holograms were failing) by pretending he's some kind of personal multifunction tool. Cassie gives a (nervous) sales pitch in front of a store audience.
  "It slices. It dices. It can make Julie Ann's fries."
  "You mean julienne fries?" a woman asked skeptically.
  "Anyone's fries," Cassie said, her voice tinged with desperation. "In fact, this Kitchen Droid will ask, 'Do you want fries with that?'"
• In Dearly Devoted Dexter by Jeff Lindsay, Dexter and Seargent Dokes are working together to track a Serial Killer named Dr. Danco, with whom Doakes has a personal history. Doakes explains that the killer is named after a brand of vegetable chopper, because he "slices, dices, and makes chopped vegetables."
• In Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon, Enoch Root calls Plato's Allegory of the Cave "the Veg-O-Matic of metaphors — it slices! It dices!"
• Whateley Universe: From Mission Imp-probable (Part 2), while the Imp is bantering with Brandywine about her net thrower:
  “That thing looks like something you order off the Home Shopping Network late at night… It slices…it dices…it makes julienne fries… And if you order now, we’ll throw in this handy dandy butt scratcher, absolutely free…”

Live-Action TV

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Chosen"
  Willow: Did you find out anything about the scythe?
  Buffy: It slices, dices and makes julienne preacher.
• Thank God You're Here Episode #1.3
  Glenn Robbins: It slices, it dices. But wait, there's more. It also works as a... Ken?
  Frank Woodley: Killing thing.
• Hercules: The Legendary Journeys episode "The Academy"
  Hercules: Let me guess: It slices and dices, and if you act now, you get a free butt-kicking. But wait, there's more!
• Tales from the Crypt: "Death of Some Salesman".
  Crypt Keeper: We come now to one of my favorite items, the amazing Crypt Keeper slash-o-matic. It's more than just a knife. It peels, it cuts, makes fabulous french fries. It slices, it dices, it - [Crypt Keeper shows his hand having severed his fingers with the knife] Oh.

Music

• The "Weird Al" Yankovic song "Mr. Popeil" references all of the classic infomercial lines, and this is no exception.
• Logan Whitehurst and "The Robot Cat."
  It slices! It dices! It catches the mices!
  It's got a stock ticker with the Wall Street prices!
• Tom Waits' song Step Right Up is a six-minute sales pitch for a very strange sounding product, which includes the phrase.
  That's right, it filets, it chops
  It dices, slices, never stops
  Lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
• In the song "My Girlfriend's A Robot" by The Hanson Brothers (Nomeansno's hockey-themed Ramones-esque side project, not the "MMM Bop" guys), the narrator claims of his beloved, "Now she slices and she dices, she makes julienne fries" after he takes her apart and puts her in his home appliances.

Recorded And Stand Up Comedy

• This was the basis for Gallagher's famous watermelon-smashing routine, the idea being that the sledgehammer (or sledge-o-matic) was the perfect multi-use kitchen tool.
  It'll even make french fries, but you've got to crack that sumbitch just right.

Video Games

• Occasionally said word for word by Gex when he hits an enemy with his tail, thanks to his trademark non-stop pop-culture spewing.
• In Warcraft III, the Blademaster's funny quotes "I have a blade that can cut through armor! And still cut a tomato."
• From Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando:
  Announcer: He slices, he dices and carves up a mean dish, please welcome Chainblade.
• In the N. Faux Mercial of Crash: Mind Over Mutant, this is one of the features of the NV.
  Cortex: Talk to your disgusting friends! Watch pay-per-view! And julienne fries! (Jams a potato in his ear, fries come out other ear. Takes a bite, and spits.) Ew, waxy!
• Oracle of Tao has a sword technique with this sort of thing (in the skill description text):
  "Slices and dices! Only $14.99!"
• In The Outer Worlds during loading Screens an advertisement for the Plasma Cutter weapon with the tagline: Slices, Dices, Cauterizes, can appear.
• Commander Keen 5: Goodbye Galaxy advertises the Omegamatic this way:
  "IT SLICES! IT DICES! It causes a 100,000 light year-diameter quantum explosion!"
• Transformers: Fall of Cybertron Has Bruticus say this about his Rotor-Shield. He even follows up with But Wait, There's More!.
  • This is especially funny, since one of his components, Swindle, is a caricature of Ron Popeil.
• In SNK vs. Capcom: SVC Chaos, Vega explicitly says that this is what he will do to Kasumi in their pre-fight banter.
• Deadpool will sometimes say his own version of this line whenever using sais in his game.
  "It slices! It dices! It chicken fried rices!"
• In StarFlight, there is an artifact, the Black Box, that you can purchase from the Thrynn for 30 cm of endurium. Starport's analysis: WE CAN’T FIGURE OUT EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS. IT SLICES, IT DICES, IT EVEN MAKES JULIENNE FRIES!

Web Original

• SF Debris spoofed the line in his Projections review, when "kinoplasmic radiation" is used to justify or Hand Wave almost every plot development in this Star Trek: Voyager episode.
  SF Debris: What versatile radiation: it screws up all the computers, the transporters, and human brains. It slices, it dices, it cuts through a tin can and still slices through a tomato!

Western Animation

• In an early VeggieTales story, the unnamed scallion was trying to sell a device called the "Forgive-O-Matic", which would cause God to forgive you of your sins. When informed that this wouldn't work, the scallion stated that you could put a potato into it and it would make julienne fries.
• In Yvon of the Yukon, in an episode referencing the French Revolution wherein Yvon unwittingly channels King Louis XVI to the point where the citizens of Upyer Mukluk haul him and Tommy - who was shanghaied into being Yvon's jester - to be executed. The villagers unfold a guillotine from a briefcase, while proclaiming "It slices! It dices!"
• In one episode of Muppet Babies, Fozzie had an Imagine Spot of what he called the Mupp-O-Matic, which could do a variety of things.
• In an episode of Rocko's Modern Life, Rocko goes to an eye doctor and the vision tester is shown to be able to make julienne fries.
• Darkwing Duck: In "Beauty and the Beet", DW threatens Bushroot with a weed-whacker, proclaiming, "It slices! It dices! It... runs out of gas!"
• In Reboot Mike the TV, naturally, references this in "Wizards, Warriors, And A Word From Our Sponsor" when Bob has Glitch slice a trio of sentient enemy carrots into harmless strips.
  Mike: He slices! He dices! He cuts julienne fries!
  Bob: MIKE!!!

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