Airdate: Monday, December 2, 2002
Sender: Brittany
Strong Bad: (as a public service announcer) In the United States alone, someone checks their email every three seconds. This is one of them.
Brittany would "really appriciate it" if Strong Bad would make a comic about her friends (whose names Strong Bad doesn't bother reading aloud).
Strong Bad: Well, I'd really "appriciate" it if you would proofread your emails before you sent them to me! So, a comic about you and your friends, eh? Well, okay, I'll see what I can do...
Strong Bad quickly doodles up the very first issue of Teen Girl Squad, starring "Cheerleader, So and So, What's Her Face, [and] The Ugly One"!, four girls who set out on a quest to "look so good", but it doesn't turn out so well: So And So (AKA Kristen, or possibly Kristina) ends up "burnt, or dead" after getting VOIP!ed by a giant robot, The Ugly One is "arrowed" by the disembodied head of a middle-aged man, and What's Her Face gets drop kicked by a dinosaur. Cheerleader, at least, is still standing and looking "so good". Strong Bad even finds the time (in an Easter egg) to add himself into the comic and hit on Cheerleader:
Doodle Strong Bad: Whoa. Hey there, Cheerleader. You looking so good. You wanna go take a ride with me up to Checker's...or Rally's...or uh, Sonic Burger? Whatever you guys got here.
Back in the computer room, Strong Bad shares his opinion of his work:
Strong Bad: Wow, Brittany! That turned out pretty good! I should maybe make some crappy xeroxes of that thing and sell it over at Bubs'. Or at least some snooty independent record store. Okay, so, that's it! No more Strong Bad Emails. Nah, I'm just kiddin'... maybe.
(The Paper comes down)
Tropes:
- Characters Dropping Like Flies: Cheerleader is the only survivor of this first episode.
- Dirty Old Man: An Easter egg has Strong Bad write himself into the comic and hit on Cheerleader.
- Early-Installment Weirdness: The teen girls are largely interchangeable here, but would develop distinct personalities in later cartoons. They're also allegedly named after Brittany and her three friends (So-and-So at least is called Kirsten/Kristina by the others), but that aspect never comes up again in later shorts. Cheerleader also doesn't put the emphasis on "so" in "I look so good!"
- Funny Background Event: As the girls are walking off to "look so good", a flock of birds is shot down by a helicopter that randomly appears out of a cloud.
- Hate Fic: Of a sort: upon being asked to draw a comic about the email sender's friends, Strong Bad kills all but one off.
- Major Injury Underreaction: What's Her Face's reaction to being punted by a T-rex is a deadpan "Dag, yo."
- Ow, My Body Part!: The Ugly One's reaction to being "arrowed" is to cry "Ow, my skin!"
- Spin-Off: This cartoon introduces the Teen Girl Squad, who would eventually get their own series of cartoons.
- Unsound Effect: "ARROWED!"
(cut to a "snooty independent record store" where Teen Girl Squad is on sale)
Customer: (voiced by Mike Chapman) (is heard walking into the store) 'Sup, man?
Clerk: (voiced by Matt Chapman) Hey, how ya doin'?
Customer: Pretty good.
Clerk: Good to see you back in.
Customer: Yeah, did you, uh... did you listen to this yet?
Clerk: You know, I have. Yeah. I wasn't into it. I couldn't get into it.
Customer: Huh. I thought... I was kinda hoping it'd be...
Clerk: Yeah, you know, they were—the whole thing's in 4/4, and...um...yeah. So, I just thought it wasn't for me. I -liked their solo stuff better, you know?
Customer: Yeah. Well what about, uh, what about their guitars? D'ya think they're all, like, in tune? Like the...the frets?
Clerk: Yeah, the frets are in tune. The frets they're using are...are B-modal. But, uh, 'cuz they just have the same producer.
Customer: Albino.
Clerk: Albino.
Customer: Right.
Clerk: Yeah.
Customer: Yeah, I really liked their last album.
Clerk: Yeah, their old stuff is great! Have you ever seen them live?
Customer: Yeah. Yeah.
Clerk: I mean... I saw, I saw 'em... I saw 'em, like, twice... Actually, uhm, uh, last night, I saw them.
Customer: Yeah, I saw them... I saw them earlier this morning. Yeah.
Clerk: Oh.
Customer: Like, four times.
Clerk: Oh.
Customer: Yah. I mean I've been a big, I've been a bigger fan than you for a while, I mean...
Clerk: Yeah, well...
Customer: For a lot longer probably, too...
Clerk: Well, no no...
Customer: I mean, I dunno... Yeah.
