Garth: Look, he hung onto the cigar cutter.
Sharon: So?
Garth: So, it's got a sharp blade, hasn' it?
Sharon: So whadja think he's goin' 'o do with it? Circumcise himself?
— Sharon Theodopolopodous trying to reassure Garth Stubbs that Darryl won't try to kill himself.
- Date First Aired: 21/07/1997
Darryl is not doing well, considering the fact that Tracey doesn't want to talk to him and Garth is getting a job as a chef in France. Meanwhile, Sharon is now looking into adoption, and Dorien is planning to go to a fancy hotel to write down her memoirs. Soon, Garth tells Tracey about his fears that his father may kill himself and the sisters are off to see Darryl.
Unfortunately, the trip does not go well - they end up in the middle of nowhere in the blizzard. However, Sharon isn't the most pleasant to the children running rampant throughout the train, casting doubt on her ability to foster. Luckily, Dorien manages to save them but they're too late to see their husbands. Even worse, Darryl's tried to top himself. However, Tracey does tell him that he still loves him, even if there will be other men in her life now. Finally, Dorien receives bad news - her apparent journalist was actually an impersonator and she has an £8,000 bill.
Tropes in this Episode:
- Actor Allusion: This isn't the first time that Sophie Stanton has played a character named Majorie in a Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran sitcom - she had also played a character named Marjorie in Shine on Harvey Moon.
- Alliterative Name: Sharon remarks that Dorien's memoirs will be published in the Sunday Sleaze.
- Amusing Injuries: Tracey, Sharon and Dorien trying to open a frozen train door ends with Dorien being flung off onto her car.
- Argument of Contradictions: Tracey and Sharon have one when discussing if Sharon's want for a baby is just a silly fantasy or not during a conversation with Dorien.Dorien: Shut up, Tracey!Tracey: She started it!Sharon: Didn't.Tracey: Did!Sharon: Didn't!Tracey: Did!Sharon: Didn't!
- Ass Shove: Dorien bails on her acupuncturist when she sees where he's about to stick the next needle.
- Baby Talk: Sharon uses it when talking to Bianca.
- Big Damn Heroes: Dorien braves a blizzard to rescue Tracey and Sharon from a stranded train.
- Big Storm Episode: A blizzard occurs whilst the sisters are visiting Darryl, which delays them from getting to him.
- Brief Accent Imitation: Sharon uses an American accent when singing "Unchained Melody" by Elvis Presley.
- Car Ride Games: Sharon plays "I Spy" with Bianca whilst on the train. Tracey accidentally contributes when the train stops suddenly and makes her spill her drink:Sharon: Let's play... I spy with my little eye, summink beginning with... "B"!Tracey: Bollocks.
- Chekhov's Gun: Garth gives Darryl a cigar cutter at the start of the episode that he later tries to kill himself with.
- Comically Missing the Point: When Sharon gets hold of a phone while trapped on a train stuck in a snowstorm, the first thing she does is try to call Pizza Express.
- Continuity Nod: Dorien asks Sharon if she's still trying to buy sperm to have a baby with.
- Double Entendre: When Tracey sees where Dorien's hotel is:Tracey: Close to the picturesque village of Cockermouth.Sharon: Hmmm. Where else?
- Driven to Suicide: Darryl is extremely depressed and holds on to a cigar cutter, making Garth thinks that he is going to top himself. These fears eventually prove to be correct when he does try to top himself, although he is unsuccessful.
- Fee Fi Faux Pas: Dorien apologizes after making a joke about Darryl being a bank robber.
- First-Name Basis: Tony Clemance, Tracey's pottery teacher, insists that she call him Tony.
- The Ghost:
- Tony Clemance, Tracey's pottery teacher,
- Dr. Maguire, who oversees Darryl after his suicide attempt.
- Immoral Journalist: David Kane, who works for a newspaper that isn't bothered anymore whether they tell the truth or not - after all, it still sells. Subverted when it is revealed that he was never a journalist, after all, instead being an impersonator.
- Interrupted Suicide: Darryl tries to kill himself but is found out before he is successful.
- Laser-Guided Karma: If Dorien had never tried to get publicity through fake affair stories, the fake David Kane wouldn't have been able to stick with an £8,000 bill.
- Lethal Chef: Darryl's side of the family couldn't cook, Tracey even remarks that Olive couldn't boil water.
- Miserable Massage: Dorien enjoys her acupuncture at first, but it quickly turns painful.
- Named After Someone Famous: Marjorie has children named after Kylie Minogue and Keanu Reeves.
- One-Shot Character: Marjorie Foster, Bianca Foster and David Kane.
- One-Steve Limit: This episode has yet another character called Tony, after Chris' plumber mate who first appeared in "Belongings", one of Dorien's off-screen lovers in "Time and Tides" and a One-Shot Character from "Still Waters Run Deep".
- Shout-Out:
- The episode title is a reference to the 1980's Brit Com Never the Twain.
- Sharon watches Rosemary's Baby and seeing Mia Farrow inspires her to adopt.
- Tracey compares her and her pottery teacher Tony to Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost (1990), making Sharon sing "Unchained Melody" by Elvis Presley.
- Sharon complains that Margaret Thatcher wouldn't have to sit on a train ride with no snacks.
- Two of Marjorie's children are called "Kylie" and "Keanu".
- David Kane brings up Princess Diana's secret video.
- Dorien pretends to have had an affair with Michael Portillo.
- Marjorie tells off Keanu for playing Power Rangers with a fire extinguisher.
- Tracey calls Sharon "Little Red Riding Hood".
- A prison officer mentions Top of the Pops is on tonight.
- Silent Treatment: Thanks to Darryl's actions, Tracey is refusing to speak to him or write to him, up to the point of making excuses when he does want to talk to her over the phone.
- Sticky Fingers: Garth makes a joke about stealing a cigar from the restaurant where he works.
- Struggling Single Mother: Marjorie has three kids to take care of on her own, and mentions having to pawn the dog just to pay the train fare to visit one of their fathers in prison.
- Supreme Chef: Garth makes some high-quality biscuits which the sisters love.
- Train Job: Apparently, Bianca's father used to steal from trains.
- Unseen No More: Averted; David Kane is believed to be after being The Ghost last episode, until it's revealed that he isn't the real David Kane.
- Unwitting Instigator of Doom: Garth gives Darryl a cigar cutter during his visit, which leads to Darryl trying to use it to kill himself with.
- Vomit Discretion Shot: Bianca pukes in Sharon's bag, although we don't see it on screen.Sharon: The little brat's been sick in me bag!
- With Friends Like These...: Sharon calls Dorien to rescue her and Tracey from a snowstorm, but Dorien laughs her off and says she'd rather enjoy her hotel.
