Radar / Modern Family

• In the pilot, Phil asks for the baby oil.
• In one episode, Jay and Gloria try to have sex:
  Jay: I’ll be back in one hour, tops.
  Gloria:: We’ll decide who does what when you get back.
• ‘Caught In the Act’ has quite a few:
  • The position they were caught in is quite explicit.
  • Their kids get them a door lock to use when they’re having sex. Phil remarks that they’ll "use it all the time."
  • When Claire and Phil are chatting to Gloria about being caught having sex, and Gloria thinks it’s about Claire not being used to being criticized:
  Gloria: It's happened to me before with another woman. This time I was getting it. And it hurt. I’m sorry it has to come out like this. But you have to admit that you’re only happy when you’re the one cracking the whip. We all know how you ride Phil. Maybe if you just let go a little. Maybe even taste my cupcakes. I will join you.
  Claire: I am so confused right now.
  Phil: I may pass out.
• All the Valentine’s episodes.
• Phil and Claire think Luke is looking at porn, when he was simply reading Haley’s diary.
• "One time she gave me a Woody. She remembered he’s my favorite from Toy Story."
• Mitch’s recount of Cam’s Mom hugging sounds a lot like abuse.
• Cam:
  You always put a wet blanket on my dreams. You know what I end up with? Wet dreams.
• We love the F word!
• When Cam goes back to teaching music, he writes his name Mr Tucker on the board, just above a semi quaver note. The note looks like a F, whilst the ucker is also visible.
• This joke:
  Mitch: Everyone follow the birthday flag.
  Cam: What did you call me?
• Claire making noises and gestures to represent sex.
• In one episode, somebody calls Phil's work cell phone and, thinking that he's running an escort service selling his wife and daughter, asks if "the carpet matches the drapes". Phil, thinking he's talking about buying a house, responds accordingly.
• When Claire criticizes Jay for forgetting the 'fog cue' in a Halloween episode, he responds with 'this whole thing is a colossal fog cue'
• In "The Long Honeymoon" Haley is really excited because her Youtube channel has so many new viewers, but later Alex informs her that the light at the top of her computer means the webcam is on — meaning that Haley has been showing the world a lot more than she intended for a very long time. At the end of the episode there's a montage of things Haley had inadvertently broadcast. One of them shows her licking an ice cream cone. She then realizes a little of the ice cream has dripped onto her cleavage, so she wipes it up with her finger and licks her finger clean. And this was vanilla ice cream.
• At the start of "Phil's Sexy Sexy House" Alex makes a joke about a turkey and an event horizon which she says will slay the members of the astronomy club; Haley replies it'll be the first time anyone in that club gets slayed.
• In "Finding Fizbo," when Claire, Gloria, Alex and Haley are having a readthrough of Manny's play (where the characters are all thinly-disguised versions of them), Alex mentions that she's been invited to go motorboating... and she'd love it. She thinks it's the aquatic kind.
• In "First Days" while pretending to be George Washington, Cam pretended to be confused about why the class were dressed in 21st century attire and to think they were trappers from the Canadian provinces. He then asked if they were, "here to sell [their] beavers?"
• Cam believes that Mitch is cheating on him, when, in reality, he’s hanging out with a man and his bird:
  Mitch: I’m talking about a cockatoo.
  Cam: Oh, one or two. How blasé!
• Fergus with his thick Kiwi accent:
  Fergus: Hugh was just standing on his deck...
  Mitch: I’m sorry, standing on his what?
• Luke is told to grab a hoe. He proceeds to grab Haley.
• Pepper is baffled a team can be called Black Hawks. Let’s just say that he was with his gay friends and misheard.
• Cam has been getting into making a vegan bacon called facon.
  Cam: I make my own, so it’s not even real facon. It’s faux-facon. Faux-con.
  Mitch: It’s fauxcon disgusting.
• Phil interrupts Haley and Andy about to make out:
  Phil: Getting wood, Andy?
• Claire and Phil’s neighbors make it very clear they’re into them.
• Cam and Mitch have inadvertently led men to believe they’re up for a threesome.
• This:
  Mitch: [to Cam] This is my second favorite suit of yours.
  Cam: Second?
  Mitch: Right after your birthday suit.
• Mitch and Cam have a sex move called Chitty, Chitty, Bang, Bang.
• This:
  Claire: I say no every day in this house.
  Phil: But at night, she’s a yes machine.
• Amazingly, to Unusually Uninteresting Sight levels in "Regrets Only." Phil is talking to Gloria about an argument he had with Claire related to him accidentally buying cauliflower instead of broccoli.^note It's really a case of Serial Escalation, as Gloria is telling Phil everything he did wrong and he's telling her that each mistake wasn't when Claire got mad. All the time, Gloria's top is mostly unzipped, with Phil on the verge of Marshmallow Hell, and her left breast and nipple are actually hanging out of it. That's right, Sofía Vergara's breast was shown on national television and nobody noticed it.^note The scene has been edited for the USA Network version.