THIS PAGE CONTAINS UNMARKED SPOILERS.
Eiffel: I'm going to DROWN!? In OUTER SPACE?!?! WHAT KIND OF SENSE DOES THAT EVEN MAKE?
Minkowski: Doug, sit your Swiss ass down and pick a side.
Eiffel: Come on, Commander! After all the crazy wamajama that we've seen up here? And with Command breaking radio silence for the first time in months to warn us? Yes, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, and it is that the empty, hungry thing is out there right now, about to go Big Bad Wolf on our straw house!
Hilbert: We afraid of big bear, so we make big gun: now bear is afraid of us. We afraid of society, we make big war: now society is afraid of us. We afraid of hydrogen atom, we make big bomb: now everybody is afraid of us. We afraid of death, and…well, working on that one.
Hera: Such a big, big universe, and you only gave yourself the tools to think about a tiny portion of it.
Eiffel: Okay, all right. I know what you're thinking. Didn't I hear what Hilbert was saying? He's got some crazy coding thing that's making you go Manchurian Candidate.Gotta do what he says, you can't beat programming. Well, you know what? I'm here to tell you that Doctor Hilbert is a dork, and you can beat this.
Eiffel: Big booming voice from the sky about to give you a gold sticker—you never stood a chance.
Minkowski: Pryce and Carter six fourteen: When in doubt, whip it out - 'it' being hydrochloric acid. Never. Fails.
Lovelace: I don't know what they told you when they sent you up here, but they were lying. You're not the first crew of the Hephaestus. We were here. I was here.
Minkowski: I don't have a temper. I have an airlock.
Hera: Upping sarcasm to seventy-four percent.
Eiffel: Oh thank Sweet Baby Jesus and all the other Christmas Critters, I thought 1800 hours would never get here. Worst sixty minutes ever.
Get ready for the Recap: our Space Odyssey's getting Bach to Bach Good Mornings, Vietnam from Alien Radio Free Europe, and our Nostromo's one photon torpedo away from losing its deflector shields. Our paranoid android's having ED-209 moments, G.I. Jane's beginning of a beautiful friendship ended in marriage to Clark Kent, Darth Frankenstein's having a timeout in the cooler, what we've got here is a failure to communicate, and if you think any of that's gonna change anytime soon, forget it, Jake! It's CHINATOWN!
Hera: Did…Did I just kill everyone? I think I just killed everyone. I didn't know it would be that easy. Why was it that easyto kill everyone?
Lovelace: So if you're listening to this: Run. And. Hide. Because by the time that I'm done you will feel more helpless and more alone than all the innocent people you've ever hurt. See you soon.
Minkowski: Allow me to tell you what's not fine: Every piece of machinery being in pieces, large sections of the floor, walls, and ceiling being detached, and, oh yes, tiny detail, both of you being naked. Honestly, I hope that something has gone horribly wrong, because the alternative that presents itself is too horrifying to consider.
Minkowski: I am in charge of this disaster.
Minkowski: Get complacent. Get smug. That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon.
Eiffel: Oh yeah, 'cause here on the Hephaestus we only deal with sensible things, like mutant plant monsters and genetically engineered death viruses.
Lovelace: You're going to have to do better if you want to leave me out of the loop. I invented being paranoid on this station.
Minkowski: Do what you do best: keep your superior officer from accomplishing absolutely anything.
Lovelace: Yes, I've lied. I've kept you scared. I've probably even made you hate me. Because fear is the only language the three of you listen to.
Hera: You need a better dictionary.
Eiffel: Listen, lady. I've got the Cigarette Smoking Man breathing down my neck, Comrade Honeydew using me as an Easy Bake Oven for Space-nish Influenza, and Commander Queeg riding my back. And that was all before you appeared with a powerful urge to blow up my timeshare. What, exactly, do you think I have the energy to try?!
Hera: Normally my decorum protocols constrain how I address station officers, but I need what I'm about to say to actually sink into Doctor Hilbert's pathetic twisted little murderer's head.
Hilbert: What it is you want?
Hera: What it is I want is to give you a friendly reminder of what's at stake for you personally. Officer Eiffel? He's your deadman's switch. If you let him die, or if you do anything that doesn't fall under the category of Do No Harm, I will go off. I will rain acid on your ass. I will crank the temperature in the room so high that your skin will crack, and bubble, and burn. I will vent you into space through a hole the size of a quarter. And if I am feeling very, very generous, I won't do all those things slowly. Have I made myself clear?
Hilbert: This is unprecedented astronomical phenomenon, not plot twist for bad science fiction series!
Hilbert: You can understand English?
Dear Listeners: We have good Spidey Senses. With enough time and examples we've been able to work out the nitty-gritty's. …Although there have been issues. We are still trying to figure out what you mean by "crazy wamajama."
Minkowski: [to Doug] Would it have killed you? Would it have killed you to speak English like a normal person? It was literally your one job.
Hilbert: There. You punched a bad guy. Feel better?
Hera: You're not going to die here. There's too much you still have to do. You don't get to go away just yet.
Hilbert: Kepler is never surprised. He is a master tactician, better than anyone other than Cutter. This is his territory, and you are not going to outsmart him.
Hera: Try us. You would have said the same thing when we were trying to stop you. If Lieutenant Minkowski wants to go against them, I'll be right behind her.
Hilbert: No, you will not.
Hera: How can you—
Hilbert: Because that's the second time you've called her Lieutenant.
Maxwell: Jacobi, just… out of curiosity: did we deliver those letters from the old Hephaestus crew?
Jacobi: The hell you think we are? UPS?
Minkowski: Pryce and Carter 792: Of all the dangers that you will face in the void of space, nothing compares to the existential terror that is Funzo.
Hera: Guys, it’s really not that complicated. You spin the wheel of ages until you have enough power tokens to get a part of the sunken idol. After that, you just keep going up the Celestial Steps, avoid the secret surveillance network, and make it to the Temple of Light with three Crowns of Wisdom.
Maxwell: Unless somebody plays a sabotage card.
Hera: Unless somebody plays a sabotage card.
Lovelace: [playing Funzo] Stop! Cultural appropriation! Lose a turn!
Maxwell: Revisionist history: suck it!
Kepler: You think you know me? That you’ve met me? No. You’ve met the Artist Formerly Known as Warren Kepler. You’ve met my job. Aside from that, there’s no one left for you to know. I’m gone. I’ve been goddamn canceled. Show’s over, and there will be no encores. All that’s left is this. Sitting here, waiting for a phone call.
Lovelace: Jacobi once lost 13,000 on an Internet scam! In case anyone cares!
Jacobi: It seemed legit at the time!
Lovelace: Oh yeah? What did you think you were buying? Duck repellent?
Jacobi: Goddamn it, you said you didn’t mind the cheeses!
Maxwell: How could anyone not mind the cheeses?
Minkowski: There were cheeses?
Jacobi: Stay out of it, Broadway Baby!
Hera: No, no, no—see, this is what I was talking about! I didn’t try to kill you! I…tried to see if I could kill you. For science!
Eiffel: Can we take a vote? You know, like the last time we didn’t murder anyone? Remember that?
Maxwell: (translating from Hera's thought stream) She's saying..."stuff that in your breakfast burrito, we have bigger things to worry about." I assume that means something to you?
Minkowski: Tchaikovsky's all right. I'm really more of a Chopin girl, myself.
Kepler: You ever ride Space Mountain?
Eiffel: Because, you twisted piece of insane troll logic, it's not just about surviving. It's about being able to live with ourselves after we get off this tin can.
Lovelace: Humanity 101: when someone lies to you, when someone betrays you, when the leave you to die, alone, in the cold, you DO NOT FIND IT PERFECTLY EQUITABLE! You get angry, and you do whatever you have to in order to show them they have made the worst mistake of their lives. It doesn't matter what you have to give up, who you have to hurt, how far you have to go-
Hilbert: Isabel...are you listening to yourself?
Lovelace: Jesus, you really are a cockroach, aren't you? Dirty. Sick. And impossible to kill.
Jacobi: Thanks a bunch, Lieutenant, but I'm kinda busy taking a cavalier attitude to my dangerous, threatening, and frankly suspicious day job.
Jacobi: If you hit it at just the right angle, it almost makes the lightsaber noise.
Jacobi: Eiffel, just grab the thing?
Eiffel: This thing?
Jacobi: Sure, why not?
Minkowski: It was around here I realized that - maybe - I had been right about it being the blue wire.
Jacobi: I would like to point out, again, that neither of you are wearing your safety goggles.
Minkowski: Those are for nerds.
Eiffel: Yeah. Nerds.
Jacobi: They're important if you want to have nerdy things like eyes.
Minkowski: Jacobi is being completely idiotic and refusing to deal with the techno-thinger-ma-jig!
Jacobi: Well, Lieutenant Minkowski and her big nose are messing up my Electro-MacGuffin.
Minkowski: Okay, look. I know there's been inconsistencies between our accounts.
Jacobi: But we've never high-fived. Like...ever.
Eiffel: Commander, please. Just...why you gotta be like that?
Minkowski: Because I'm incapable of trusting others and I refuse to admit the possibility of personal growth in either them or myself.
Jacobi: Well, what are you gonna do about it, you Not-So-Strong Female Character?!
Minkowski: (scandalized gasp)
Hilbert: Hello. It is I, Doctor Hilbert. I am here now because Russians drawn to loud noises. Ah, look. Jacobi has head wound. What an excellent opportunity for science!
Hera: Just FYI...the engines are completely offline and we're falling into the star. Because that's totally like a thing that happens to us.
Lovelace: I have regained control of the Hephaestus! None shall escape Thunderdome! All shall taste my revenge!
Kepler: Eenie, meenie, miney -
Lovelace: Fuck you.
Eiffel: Colonel, look around you. Everything is falling apart. What do you think is happening?
Kepler: A controlled demolition.
Eiffel: Uh yeah. Not anymore. I don't even know what's going on over there, but I know that this has gotten really frickin' far from controlled. This is a wildfire. Better get your lyre, Nero. Rome. Is. Burning.
Kepler: Hera, this is a direct order from the station command officer. Restart the engines now.
Hera: No.
Eiffel: Okay, Hilbert I kinda get. But I thought you and Maxwell were friends.
Hera: Yeah, me too. I make...a lot of mistakes.
Eiffel: Shut up! You wanna turn into Dark Vengeance Jacobi? Knock yourself out. Starting tomorrow. Right now, you're putting on your handcuffs, you're coming to my funeral, and you're going to like it.
Hera: You did so much for me and to me and I still have no idea who you are.
Maxwell: Mm, were.
Hera: Whatever. How is that even possible? How could you just do that and be gone?
Eiffel: You're not my doctor. I'm not your patient.
Hilbert: No? Then what are we?
Eiffel: We are—were—complicated.
Eiffel: I wanted to believe that you'd come back to the light side. That someone who'd done as much as you, screwed up as many lives as you, could...one day...
Hilbert: Well, we'll never know now.
Cutter: This may surprise you but Miranda and I don't agree on everything.
Lovelace: Oh God, tell me you not about to make me do marriage counselling for you and your work wife-
Cutter: For example-
Lovelace Because, even for you, that's way too evil.
