Quotes / The Internet

Lily: (when an artisanal cheese is ruined) I got that cheese off the internet!
Barney: I know you got it off the internet, why does that make it impressive? You know what else you can find on the internet? Zoo animals masturbating.

— How I Met Your Mother, "The Burning Beekeeper"

"The Internet is a communications tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography."

— Holden McNeil, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

The internet - like, it's a pretty crazy thing - it's like... It's like a network, of different, like, uh... pages of information, but... I say 'information', but sometimes 'information' is taken quite loosely. Oh-ho-ho! It's pretty crazy; you can count on that! ...The internet is a pretty horrible place, actually. Don't go there. Like, if-if you've never went on the internet before, please heed my call, don't... don't even think about it. You're gonna be better off without knowing, the true horrors that lays within. Aw, man, there's like... it-it defies description, really.

— raocow, here

A trillion gigabytes of data, none of it useful! Though some... oddly engrossing.

— Starscream, Transformers: Prime

Yes. It is so amazing. Instead of simply hiding until the night, lurking in shadows when society is sleeping and still, I can interact with it all around the world. I am...connected. It's like being crippled, for centuries, until someone gave me a wheelchair. Now, instead of walking the night alone, I can sit and talk to friends around the world. [...] I have friends in the United States, and in France, and Korea, and the Philippines and the Scandinavian countries. It's always day somewhere, Ophelia, and I always have a friend online.

— Aelphric, Unique

Call me Email. Some years ago, never mind how long precisely, having unlimited internet access and nothing particular to interest me in my social life, I thought I would surf about a little and see the World Wide Web. Whenever I feel like overdosing on cheap pornography and lunatic conspiracy theories, whenever I have the urge to read awful fanfiction and spammed advertisements offering me a larger penis or the opportunity to invest in dodgy Nigerian businesses; and especially whenever the urge to jab hypos into my veins get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the nearest post office with a couple of Glock 9mm's and methodically knocking people off - then I account it high time to get connected as soon as I can. This is my substitute for balls. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon Inspector Clouseau; I quietly take to the Net. There is nothing surprising in this. If they but knew it, almost all men in their degree, some time or other, cherish very nearly the same feelings towards the Internet with me.

— Ishmael Reloaded (with apologies to Herman Melville)

Joey Mallone: What do you want to do? Put up a billboard in Times Square?
Rosangela Blackwell: No. We've got a special place nowadays. A place where you can talk about all sorts of crazy things and it's accepted as normal.
Joey Mallone: What's that?
Rosangela Blackwell: The internet.

— Rosangela Blackwell and Joey Mallone, The Blackwell Convergence

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