PeeJee: Aubrey, I'm going to have to ask you to explain why you just stabbed the king in the groin — and by explain, I mean "explain in a way that makes some fucking sense."
Aubrey: Oh yeah. I probably should have told you this during character creation, but Aubridawn is actually a double agent for a little-known race of underground mole-people known as the Doomlocks, who are bent on subjugation of the impudent surface people. My whole involvement with this mission was just an excuse to get close to the king and assassinate him in his own court as a strike to shatter the confidence of the surface dwellers. That's okay, right?
PeeJee: You know what? Fuck it. Rocks fall and everyone dies.
Kim: But the kingdom is seated on a featureless plain. Where do—?
PeeJee: ROCKS FALL! EVERYONE DIES!
Aubrey: Ah, the Doomlock aerial boulder squad strikes!
Aubrey: Oh yeah. I probably should have told you this during character creation, but Aubridawn is actually a double agent for a little-known race of underground mole-people known as the Doomlocks, who are bent on subjugation of the impudent surface people. My whole involvement with this mission was just an excuse to get close to the king and assassinate him in his own court as a strike to shatter the confidence of the surface dwellers. That's okay, right?
PeeJee: You know what? Fuck it. Rocks fall and everyone dies.
Kim: But the kingdom is seated on a featureless plain. Where do—?
PeeJee: ROCKS FALL! EVERYONE DIES!
Aubrey: Ah, the Doomlock aerial boulder squad strikes!
—Something*Positive, "PeeJee & Dragons Pt. 6"
Aragorn: I hate this campaign so much.
Legolas: You're not the only one who hates this campaign, you know.
Aragorn: You don't understand. I'm wearing boots of +3 to hating this campaign.
Legolas: Oh yeah? Well I have ten ranks in the "Hating This Campaign" skill.
DM: Are you guys about done?
Gimli: I just rolled a one on my saving throw vs. hating this campaign.
DM: DO YOU MIND? CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?
[Beat]
DM: All done now? Good. The dark door gapes before you like the mouth of night-
Gimli: At last level up I took the feat: "Improved Hating This Campaign".
DM: Rocks fall. Everyone dies.
Legolas: You're not the only one who hates this campaign, you know.
Aragorn: You don't understand. I'm wearing boots of +3 to hating this campaign.
Legolas: Oh yeah? Well I have ten ranks in the "Hating This Campaign" skill.
DM: Are you guys about done?
Gimli: I just rolled a one on my saving throw vs. hating this campaign.
DM: DO YOU MIND? CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?
[Beat]
DM: All done now? Good. The dark door gapes before you like the mouth of night-
Gimli: At last level up I took the feat: "Improved Hating This Campaign".
DM: Rocks fall. Everyone dies.
—DM of the Rings, "A Subtle Hint"
Peter: As your elf touches the gold doorknob, 45,000 volts shoot through his body. Your elf is now charcoal. What does your wizard do?
Jason: He calls the Dungeon Master a jerk.
Jason: He calls the Dungeon Master a jerk.
(Nova produces her cellphone.)
Nova: I proceed to make an out of character phone call.
(Nova starts dialing a number.)
Nova: To the Dungeon Masters Mother.
Dungeon Master: Wh-what? No! NO! You know what? The castle collapses and buries you all! You're dead! No loot for you! There!
Nova: I proceed to make an out of character phone call.
(Nova starts dialing a number.)
Nova: To the Dungeon Masters Mother.
Dungeon Master: Wh-what? No! NO! You know what? The castle collapses and buries you all! You're dead! No loot for you! There!
Leo: I tie the rat's tail to the stick.
Aeris: ...what?
Leo: It's a rat-flail!
Aeris: Absolutely not.
Leo: Aw come on, it's awesome!
Aeris: No, it's retarded.
Leo: Pulleeez?
Aeris: FINE! The dead rat gives you the plague and you die!
Ternaldo: Can I have his items?
Krug: Krug...choking...on...skittles...
Aeris: No you can't have the rat-flail! You know what? You die too! You all fucking DROP DEAD!
Aeris: ...what?
Leo: It's a rat-flail!
Aeris: Absolutely not.
Leo: Aw come on, it's awesome!
Aeris: No, it's retarded.
Leo: Pulleeez?
Aeris: FINE! The dead rat gives you the plague and you die!
Ternaldo: Can I have his items?
Krug: Krug...choking...on...skittles...
Aeris: No you can't have the rat-flail! You know what? You die too! You all fucking DROP DEAD!
—VG Cats 116, Skittles
"Just for that, your entire party falls into hell. Roll to see how painfully you die."
— Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons
Krakus: I roll to collect the dragon's duuuuuuuung!
Magnus: ...You immediately fall over.
Krakus: (faceplants)
Magnus: ...You immediately fall over.
Krakus: (faceplants)
—If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device, "Special 6: Tabletop Adventures"
"Event crisis.199, event crisis.1000, event crisis.2000. See you all in super-hell!"
— the Not-God King Supreme, If the Emperor Had a Text-to-Speech Device, "Special 7: Space Game Pain"
''Disclaimer: Wizards of the Coast does not officially endorse the following tactics: (...) When all else fails, roll a bunch of dice behind your screen, study them for a moment with a look of deep concern mixed with regret, and announce that Tiamat swoops from the sky and attacks.
Dungeons & Dragons 5th Edition Dungeon Master's Guide
If you would like your group to roll up new Characters, nothing makes a more exciting end than adding a Chaos Dragon to the mix.
— Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay: Tome of Corruption
