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Live Action TV
Subway executive: If someone could hand me my jacket?
Pierce: (helpfully) It's right over there on the coat-rack next to the door.
Subway executive: ...If somebody could just hand it to me, that would be great.
(awkward pause)
Dean Pelton: I guess I'm confused; why don't you just grab it on your way out the door—
Subway executive: You know what? Now I'm not leaving! Now I'm just going to sit for a while and focus on how unacceptable today was.
Pierce: (helpfully) It's right over there on the coat-rack next to the door.
Subway executive: ...If somebody could just hand it to me, that would be great.
(awkward pause)
Dean Pelton: I guess I'm confused; why don't you just grab it on your way out the door—
Subway executive: You know what? Now I'm not leaving! Now I'm just going to sit for a while and focus on how unacceptable today was.
Ike Barinholtz: Woah! What... what is that?!
Bobby Lee: Sometimes I get morning wood.
Ike Barinholtz: It's two in the afternoon, Bobby!
Bobby Lee: I get afternoon wood.
Ike Barinholtz: Bobby, stop getting aroused!
Bobby Lee: Okay. Grandma... grandma... grandma... grandma...
Ike Barinholtz: It's getting bigger, Bobby.
Bobby Lee: Sometimes I get morning wood.
Ike Barinholtz: It's two in the afternoon, Bobby!
Bobby Lee: I get afternoon wood.
Ike Barinholtz: Bobby, stop getting aroused!
Bobby Lee: Okay. Grandma... grandma... grandma... grandma...
Ike Barinholtz: It's getting bigger, Bobby.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I’ll be unable to see by tomorrow morning! Just think Kenneth Clarke. Think Kenneth Clarke. Think Kenneth Clarke. [peeks into his waistband] JOHN SELWYN GUMMER❕ [sigh with relief] It’s gone.”
— Richard Richard Bottom
Fan Works
Every man bowed in unison, not out of respect but to conceal their instant erections.
— Farce Contact, a Star Trek: Enterprise Parody Fic
She had been gauging the pressure of his grip with great accuracy. Her talk to Badra had a specific effect on Mala, she could tell by a certain feeling against her back.
The chamberlain, a black-haired, black-bearded man in an orange tunic and pants, looked upon her with trepidation and male response.
She bit him through his t-shirt. "You really do have the mind of a bad boy, underneath that cold, icy exterior," she purred. "But I know you aren't made of the stone you like to show everyone else." Then she looked up at him and smirked. "At least not most of you anyway."
Films - Live Action
Thorny: All right, Arlo, why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?
Rabbit: I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorny!
Rabbit: I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorny!
Jessica: You don't know how hard it is being a woman, looking the way I do.
Eddie: Yeah, well...you don't know how hard it is being a man, looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Eddie: Yeah, well...you don't know how hard it is being a man, looking at a woman looking the way you do.
Literature
Admiral Tranter found himself wishing he was in another reality again - one of the realities where Lister hadn't chosen that moment to get an erection, or at least, hadn't been too tired to notice it and cover up the fact. But no, he was stuck here in this reality, where some solitary trooper in Tranter's head was playing the "Last Post" for his career while he stared across his desk, eye to eye with Lister's love-pole, which was making an Action-Man-sized tent out of the crotch of his unspeakable overalls.
—Red Dwarf: Backwards
Video Games
"GOT A ROCK-HARD RAGER!"
— Monokid, Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony
"When I agreed to come by and get you up, I didn't agree to get THAT up!"
— Noel Warhol, Lunarosse
Web Original
D: You are already at full cock now. Spread all over the place, the empire.
Marco [Reus] is a wee bit sensitive about this because he's lost so many Dortmund friends over the years. [Robert] Lewandowski, [Mats] Hummels, and of course, me. [holds up a picture of himself with Pep Guardiola, with him sporting a prominent erection] What can I say? I was young and I needed to "Pep" my cherry.
—Mario Götze, The Champions
Hell, when I was in the 7th grade, I used to get an erection every day in math class. Now, I like math and all, but I don't like it *that* much. Sometimes erections just happen and there's no reason for it.
Web Videos
Other
"Half a teaspoon of crushed Jimmy Savile pelvis, and you’ll have an erection that lasts for a thousand years."
— Stuart Millard, "Jimmy Savile and David Icke -- All the Pieces Matter"
"Let's all hope baseball's the only thing he's putting out there."
— Wendy Rieger, News 4 - commenting on the announcement of Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper's nude photos in ESPN The Magazine's "Body Issue"
"I love it when men just look at me and get hard through their clothes. To know that I really turn on a man, and he can't help it, is erotic. You know, making him have an erection in public and knowing he can't move because people will see."
— Barbara Moore, Playboy
"And then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation... 'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl."
— Bloodhound Gang, "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying"
