Don't you listen to these nitwits, you hear me? This place ain't so bad. Tell you what, I'll introduce you around, make you feel right at home. I know a couple of big old bull queers that'd just love to make your acquaintance. Especially that big, white, mushy butt of yours.
— Heywood, The Shawshank Redemption
Now, I'm gonna open my fly and you're gonna swallow what I give you to swallow. And when you swallow mine you're gonna swallow Rooster's. You broke his nose and I think he oughta have something to show for it.
— Bogs Diamond, The Shawshank Redemption
"I'll pull you out of that one-bunk Hilton and cast you down with the sodomites. You'll think you've been fucked by a train!"
—Warden Samuel Norton, The Shawshank Redemption
In prison, you won't have to pretend to be gay, because your asses'll be busier than a test bench at a plunger factory!
— Captain Tucker, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
According the the US Justice Department, just over 140,000 men are raped in prison every year. 140,000. Compare that to the 92,000 people, both men and women, who are raped outside of prison every year according to the FBI. 140,000 vs. 92,000. That's means that 160% more guys get raped in prison than anybody at all get raped outside of it. Prisons ain't prisons, man, they're rape factories.
— Robert A. Suarez, 10 Reasons Why You Really Don't Want to Go to Prison
We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no, we're going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison!
— Michael, Office Space
Hey Peter...watch out for your cornhole, bud.
— Lawrence, Office Space
Dude, it's not a big deal if you like to fuck guys. I'm cool with it. I got friends that fuck guys...in jail.
— Jay, The 40-Year-Old Virgin
That's right. Stay away from crack too. One hit of that stuff, and you'll wake up in prison married to some guy named Big Blue, and he's branding his initials in your ass with a hot coat hanger. I knew a guy.
— Mr. Morris Buttermaker, The Bad News Bears (2005 remake)
Despite having the classic setup of a heist gone wrong, the thieves still managed to get away and kill a police officer in the process. Cop killing isn't a common occurrence in Norway meaning that, when caught, the robbers were going to get the closest thing to prison rape that the Norwegian judicial system could legally administer. Then later, of course, literal prison rape.
Michael, you gotta get me out of here (under house arrest at home with his wife). In prison, all I had to do was lie there and take it. Here, I have to lie there and give it!
— George Bluth, Arrested Development
You are going to get the girl and tell me what I want to know now, or I will fill your computers with gig after inhuman gig of child pornography. I will flood the FBI with perfect shots of you touching little boys of every age and creed — sent from your e-mail address, and I will smile when I think of the prison brothers prying you open and turning your ass into a gaping, bloody parking space. I can do it. In minutes. From anywhere. Believe it.
— Raimi Matthews, Broken Saints
"You know what hurts most? The lack of respect. Well, no, actually, the other thing, that hurts most, but what hurts second most is the lack of respect."
— Mitch, Dirty Work
''The case of the people vs. Rucka Ruck Ali, the defendant is found.... guilty. Enjoy getting your butt fucked by a man with many tattoos and questionable citizenship. Suck my balls."
— Rucka Rucka Ali, "Only 17."
Toyboy: Man, I miss the nineties. It was such a great time to be a hero [...] Don't you agree, Hexecutioner?
Hexecutioner: I spent the nineties in prison after another 'hero' framed me for murder.
Toyboy: Oh... well, at least you never had to pay for rent.
Hexecutioner: Or for sex, either.
Hexecutioner: Now there's a request that brings back sweet, struggling memories.
— Super Stupor*
Jason Biggs: Don't you recognize me? I'm the pie-fucker!
Security guard: Yea, well, in prison, you'll be the pie.
Fat Albert: Man, fuck you.
Police Interrogator: Oh, you gonna be the one gettin' fucked when you get in prison, boy! They gonna take yo' fat ass and rip yo' asshole open, you gonna get fucked by a nigga named Nancy!
— Fat Albert In The Hood
Lois: I have to get rid of this body or Chris'll go to prison! And we all know what happens in those prison showers. I've seen Oz.
Cutaway Gag to...
Singing Prisoners: Scrub-scrub here, scrub-scrub there, whether you're white or bronze! A man can wash another man in the merry old land of Oz!
The Health Inspector: (to Tom) Now pick up the soap!
Other Prisoners: Rape, baby! Rape!
Tom: You have to get me out of here Huey. You don't wanna know what they'll do to me in jail.
Huey: They'll rape you, that's what they're gonna do.
"I can't call an Ambulance 'cause they'll bring the police. And with looks like this if I go to prison my anal virginity won't last a day."
— Jay, The Inbetweeners
"I'm too pretty to go to prison. I'd never get any sleep."
— Danny Blue, Hustle
Reacher: That's not good.
Hubble: What's going on?
Reacher: We're not with the guys awaiting arraignment. We're with the lifers.
Hubble: What do you mean "lifers?"
Reacher: I mean people sentenced for life.
[Hubble makes the mistake of heading out of his cell and taking a look around, and the leader of a prison gang takes notice of him]
Reacher: If I were you, I'd be less worried about their sentences and more concerned with their swaps.
Hubble: Swaps?
Reacher: Guys swapping smokes, desserts, TV time...all for first crack at you. You're not a human in here; you're currency. So stop stressing and save your strength. You're gonna need it.
Hubble: What's going on?
Reacher: We're not with the guys awaiting arraignment. We're with the lifers.
Hubble: What do you mean "lifers?"
Reacher: I mean people sentenced for life.
[Hubble makes the mistake of heading out of his cell and taking a look around, and the leader of a prison gang takes notice of him]
Reacher: If I were you, I'd be less worried about their sentences and more concerned with their swaps.
Hubble: Swaps?
Reacher: Guys swapping smokes, desserts, TV time...all for first crack at you. You're not a human in here; you're currency. So stop stressing and save your strength. You're gonna need it.
— Reacher, Episode 1x01, "Welcome to Margrave"
"Gene Wilder loved to jump in the middle and start talking to the killers. Saying 'Hi guys, how ya doing?'. I said, 'Gene, bring your ass out of there.'. He said 'What do you think they would do to us if we were here Rich?'. I said 'Fuck us.' And Gene said 'I'm not homosexual!' 'Homosexual ain't got nothing to do with it. They don't fuck you 'cause you like it. They just fuck you just to see that look on yo' face.'."
— Richard Pryor, talking about filming Stir Crazy, "Live at the Sunset Strip".
Inside the big house
His nightmare unfolds
Before he got there
His man-pussy was sold
Black blanket welcome
This tough guy's now a bitch
Praying for death
It can't be worse than this
His nightmare unfolds
Before he got there
His man-pussy was sold
Black blanket welcome
This tough guy's now a bitch
Praying for death
It can't be worse than this
— Megadeth, "Captive Honour"
"I won't go back to prison, my butthole can't take that abuse!"
— Luffy, None Piece
Victor: Well, what if I told you you'd be popular inside? You're pretty enough I wager you'd be a minor celebrity there in a matter of days. Then again, I suppose the warden over there has things locked down tight enough that nothing like that would really happen, so you don't have to worry.
Firo: ...Noah, mind if I kill your boss?
— Baccano!! 1934 - Alice in Jails
"You know, Duke, it was my intention to leave you beside the road somewhere in a gunnysack. But I felt that justice would not have been served. Poetic justice, that is.
"
"One night in jail, it was getting late
He was butt-raped by a large inmate and he screamed
But the guards paid no attention to his cries
That's when things got out of control
The moral of the date rape story
It does not pay to be drunk and horny
But that's the way it had to be
They locked him up and threw away the key
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind
Even though he now takes it in the behind
He was butt-raped by a large inmate and he screamed
But the guards paid no attention to his cries
That's when things got out of control
The moral of the date rape story
It does not pay to be drunk and horny
But that's the way it had to be
They locked him up and threw away the key
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind
Even though he now takes it in the behind
— Sublime, "Date Rape"
"Rick: "Mike! You bastard! I can't go to prison! I'm too pretty! I'll be raped!"
"Oh, no! I killed a hippy. I'll go to prison, and be raped in the shower by Mr. Big, who's in with the wardens."
"I want you to go to prison, Stan. And I hope a six-foot tall, bald convict named 'Bubba' choses you as his girlfriend!"
— Dorothy, The Golden Girls
"Here we go! Hah, you know what? If we were in prison you guys would be like my bitches!"
— Phoebe, Friends
"Hey Jeffs, Bubba's waiting for ya!"
"To place Debbie into a Florida state women's penitentiary, to place an attractive young woman in that kind of hellhole, is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions."
into a Florida state women's penitentiary, to place an attractive young woman in that kind of hellhole, is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions."— John Fitzgibbons, Debra Lafave's lawyer explaining why she shouldn't be put in prison
's lawyer explaining why she shouldn't be put in prison"I will see to it you spend the next ten years in prison getting assfucked, and if the case is thrown out because my arrest was too violent, I will personally hire a man to assfuck you for the next ten years. So if you're an assfucking fan, you go ahead and mouth off."
"They threw me in a jail filled with rejects from the communicable disease ward. Every wacko, drippy, open-sored low-life was in that joint, all of them wanting to hire on as my proctologist!"
— Ralph, The Jewel of the Nile
''"Do you have any idea what they do to eggs in San Ricardo's prison? I'll tell you this, my friend: it ain't over easy!"
— Humpty Dumpty, Puss in Boots
"I used to fuck guys like you in prison."
— Jimmy, Roadhouse 1989
"...By the looks of this guy, it's not consensual sex we're talking about!"
— Andy Dwyer, describing the above scene, Parks and Recreation - S04 E20
Turned stick-up kid, but look what you done did
Got sent up for a eight-year bid
Now your manhood is took and you're a Maytag
Spend the next two years as a undercover fag
Bein' used and abused to serve like hell
Til one day, you was found hung dead in a cell
Got sent up for a eight-year bid
Now your manhood is took and you're a Maytag
Spend the next two years as a undercover fag
Bein' used and abused to serve like hell
Til one day, you was found hung dead in a cell
And then there are the sisters.
They are to prison society what the rapist is to the society outside the walls. They're usually long-timers, doing hard bullets for brutal crimes. Their prey is the young, the weak, and the inexperienced... or, as in the case of Andy Dufresne, the weak-looking. Their hunting grounds are the showers, the cramped, tunnel-like area way behind the industrial washers in the laundry, sometimes the infirmary. On more than one occasion, rape has occurred in the closet-sized projection booth behind the auditorium. Most often what the sisters take by force they could have had for free, if they wanted it; those who have been turned always seem to have "crushes" on one sister or another, like teenage girls with their Sinatras, Presleys, or Redfords. But for the sisters, the joy has always been in taking it by force... and I guess it always will.
Charlie (after being scolded by Chelsea for letting Alan spend the night in jail): Now she's mad at me. You happy?
Alan: Oh yeah, I'm thrilled! If my transsexual biker cellmate had only been a little more affectionate, my life would now be perfect!
Nick Mullen: "It would be great if I joined a prison gang, they're like "Alright, well you're not very intimidating" and I'm like "Look, I will rape anybody, I guarantee you I will be the most feared rapist in this prison. No hesitation, I will fuckin' turn out anybody" and they're like "Well we do need one of those. We do need an enforcer..."
Stavros Halkias: "Why don't they like, arrest rapists in jail?"
Nick Mullen: "And send them where? To jail? More jail?"
— Cum Town, Bonus Episode 90 - Sizemore Size less
So there's two ways this is gonna go, precious. Kick or kiss. They both end the same.
— James Robson, Oz
Or I will fuck you. Literally. I will sneak into your bunk in the middle of the night and I'll lick your pussy. And I will do it so good and so soft that you're gonna be on the edge of coming by the time you wake up, and then I'll stop. And you'll be half asleep and you'll beg for it. Oh, you will beg for it. And maybe I'll be nice, and maybe I won't, but if I am nice? The things you feel? They will ruin you forever. So, you know, choose.
—Alex Vause to Pennsatucky, Orange Is the New Black
You know, I could tell you a lot of things that would scare you, Dina. I could tell you that I'm going to make you my prison bitch. I could tell you that I'm going to make you my house mouse, that I will have sex with you even if we don't have an emotional connection; that I'm going to do to you what the spring does with cherry trees, but in a prison way. "Pablo Neruda".
— Piper Chapman to Dina, Orange Is the New Black
Judging by the popular media, rape is accepted as a commonplace of imprisonment, so much so that when the topic of prison arises, a joking reference to rape seems almost obligatory. Few members of the public would be surprised by the assertion that men are frequently raped in prison, given rape's established place in the mythology of prison life. Yet serious, sustained, and constructive attention to the subject remains rare. As Stephen Donaldson, the late president of the organization Stop Prisoner Rape, once said: "the rape of males is a taboo subject for public discussion... If ever there was a crime hidden by a curtain of silence, it is male rape."
— No Escape: Male Rape in U.S. Prisons. Human Rights Watch report, 2007
"Cindy, do you know what they do to young boys in prison? All of those sex-starved convicts just waiting for a fresh piece of meat?"
— Greg Phillippe, Scary Movie
"Love is in the air. Mmmmm! Can’t you just smell it!"
— Narrator about Mojo Jojo being imprisoned next to a predatory male inmate (see page image), The Powerpuff Girls
George had heard stories about what happens in prison.
Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
But they put him in a cell all by himself. No tatted up cellmates. No group showers.
Prison sucked. George was bummed.
George finally got excited when the gruff watchman burst into his cell.
But real-life prison guards were even less sexy than real-life firemen!
George was not interested. "My first time will not be with THIS guy," thought George. "That would be just embarrassing."
— Bi-Curious George (A Curious George parody)
Glenn: You've been to prison right?
Marcus: Yeah. I mean like, barely. Long enough to form lifelong friendships.
Glenn: How do you think a guy like me would do in there?
Marcus: Baby face, kind eyes, soft skin, cute tummy. You'd be very popular.
Marcus: Yeah. I mean like, barely. Long enough to form lifelong friendships.
Glenn: How do you think a guy like me would do in there?
Marcus: Baby face, kind eyes, soft skin, cute tummy. You'd be very popular.
Inmate: (unzips fly) Suck it.
Bop It: Damn it!
— Robot Chicken, "Bop It... or Else"
The police put Pete in jail
Yes, he finally met his fate
But when they came to pay his bail
They found him choppin' up his cellmate
— Roy Brown, "Butcher Pete"
El-P: Maybe beyond a date with the lead, there's something else meant for
A prisoner with the beauty of 247290-Z
A prisoner with the beauty of 247290-Z
Cage: Oh god, you gotta be joking, I get it she's smoking
Go get a taste, I'll hold you down for thirty, she must be purty, you're open
Your secret's safe with me, go on a raping spree
I gotta couple numbers of my own, just return the courtesy
Go get a taste, I'll hold you down for thirty, she must be purty, you're open
Your secret's safe with me, go on a raping spree
I gotta couple numbers of my own, just return the courtesy
— El-P, "Habeas Corpses (Draconian Love)"
Red: (trying to get Mike to say "slip") Okay, this something that people are afraid will happen to them in the shower.
Mike: (beat) At home or in prison?
Sam: The prison showers! If these walls could talk, eh Max?
Max: I think it's better if they keep their mouth shut, Sam.
Max: I think it's better if they keep their mouth shut, Sam.
— The Adventures of Sam & Max: Freelance Police, "Christmas, Bloody Christmas"
"Hey, who locked the fuckin' door, huh? I don't like locked doors around here! They make me crazy and shit! I was locked up! Pass the wire! Pass the wire! I don't want no grilled cheese. No, Leroy, I'm bilingual! There's a difference! No more locked doors! Gracias!
— Joker, Next Friday
Poison Ivy: He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me...
Mr. Freeze: NOT! Surprise, I am your new cell mate. And I'm here to make your life a living hell. Prepare for a bitter harvest. Winter has come at last.
