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Episode 4 (WrestleMania II)
Neo: You know what decade you're in, with a nice sax solo at the start.
V1: I have "Jaz sex music" right here, written down.
[later]
Neo: You're in the eighties, again, when you're wearing a chrome jumpsuit. Buck Rogers called, he wants his clothes back.
V1: I have "Jaz sex music" right here, written down.
[later]
Neo: You're in the eighties, again, when you're wearing a chrome jumpsuit. Buck Rogers called, he wants his clothes back.
Episode 8 (WrestleMania IV)
Jay: He was on Vince's shit list for droppin' the IC belt during the summer.
V1: Uhh...to spend time with his wife and newborn kid, was it?
Jay: Yeah. That's what you get for puttin' your family ahead of your work!
V1: Uhh...to spend time with his wife and newborn kid, was it?
Jay: Yeah. That's what you get for puttin' your family ahead of your work!
—On Ricky Steamboat
V1 The only time the crowd even rustled during this match was chanting for Hogan after Andre tripped up Macho Man.
Jay: God, that makes me really sad. That means that Hogan's right! He's right to steal the spotlight.
V1: In a way, yeah.
Jay: But then, you could say that he's stealing the spotlight and not letting anyone else have it, so of course no one's gonna cheer for anyone else.
Jay: God, that makes me really sad. That means that Hogan's right! He's right to steal the spotlight.
V1: In a way, yeah.
Jay: But then, you could say that he's stealing the spotlight and not letting anyone else have it, so of course no one's gonna cheer for anyone else.
Episode 18 (WrestleMania VI)
Jay: Do men have sex tapes?
Steve: Well, men are involved in all sex tapes. But it doesn't affect them.
OOC: Tom Sizemore had an infamous sex tape, Screech a rumored sex tape, and Hulk Hogan of course.
Steve: Oh God, I thought you meant Screech and Hulk Hogan!
Jay: "Geez, three positions? Even Cena's got five moves."
Steve: Well, men are involved in all sex tapes. But it doesn't affect them.
OOC: Tom Sizemore had an infamous sex tape, Screech a rumored sex tape, and Hulk Hogan of course.
Steve: Oh God, I thought you meant Screech and Hulk Hogan!
Jay: "Geez, three positions? Even Cena's got five moves."
Episode 20 (Survivor Series 1990)
Jay: So, just before the match starts, Roddy Piper mentions something about Bret Hart losing a brother, Dean Hart. He's the fifth oldest of the Hart children. He died the day before Survivor Series due to chronic nephritis (which is kidney disease) at 36, and Bret was really pissed at Vince backstage 'cause he barely acknowledged it, so Piper said, "Alright, I'll just bring it up on the pay-per-view." That was very nice of him, wasn't it?
OOC: But still. Bret, he's... he's wrestling at a PPV the day after his brother's death. I mean... this business is scum, isn't it?
OOC: But still. Bret, he's... he's wrestling at a PPV the day after his brother's death. I mean... this business is scum, isn't it?
"I just felt Hogan really going through the motions this PPV. I'm sure he'd be happier making movies and his $7 million for a month's work, y'know? — But he can't put over anyone properly, just in case."
—Jay
Episode 27 (The Marine 3)
V1: 2 minutes in and they're makin' fart jokes.
Jay: It's all they got. It's all in the repertoire.
Jay: It's all they got. It's all in the repertoire.
—On Knucklehead
Jay: The Marine 1 (starring John Cena): U.S. Marine John Triton returns home, his very attractive citation needed wife Kate is kidnapped, and he busts some heads to rescue her. The Marine 2 (starring Teddy DiBiase: U.S. Marine Joe Linwood returns to his hotel room, his very attractive citation needed wife Robin is kidnapped, and he busts some heads to rescue her.
V1: I can see where this is going.
V1: I can see where this is going.
Jay: Yes, prior to becoming a wrestler, The Viper was a Marine who went AWOL to get out of service.
V1: Can you imagine that petulant shite-bag bein' a fuckin' solider? Mr. "I'm gonna shit in your bag and ruin my fuckin' room and trash it up"? Get out. he was never gonna be a solider.
Jay: Unless you just whomp his ass every day.
V1: That's a good word. "Whomp your ass."
V1: Can you imagine that petulant shite-bag bein' a fuckin' solider? Mr. "I'm gonna shit in your bag and ruin my fuckin' room and trash it up"? Get out. he was never gonna be a solider.
Jay: Unless you just whomp his ass every day.
V1: That's a good word. "Whomp your ass."
Jay: We meet our antagonist, Jonas Pope (played by Neal McDonough, who was also in The Rock's Walking Tall). Instead of stealing the cash, the group burn it, making a statement calling banks greedy and that they should only take what they need.
V1: I thought that was pretty cool! Immediately he's less of fuckin' black-and-white, "he's evil, Miz is good"...he's got a reason for doing what he's doing, and it makes sense. And that's the route to all good baddies: you should empathize with them.
Jay: I feel a bit worried about that. Like, you need good writing to follow that. Otherwise you risk people hating the good guy and liking the bad guy.
V1: That's what happened to me, of course.
V1: I thought that was pretty cool! Immediately he's less of fuckin' black-and-white, "he's evil, Miz is good"...he's got a reason for doing what he's doing, and it makes sense. And that's the route to all good baddies: you should empathize with them.
Jay: I feel a bit worried about that. Like, you need good writing to follow that. Otherwise you risk people hating the good guy and liking the bad guy.
V1: That's what happened to me, of course.
Jay: Pope explains his motives to the kidnapped Lily. Quite a sensical speech; made a lot of sense.
V1: Yeah! I was beginning to side with Pope by this point! It was like, "I agree with everything you are saying, I hate this little ginger shite-bag and her boyfriend... In general, he's right. [chuckling] I am totally with Pope.
V1: Yeah! I was beginning to side with Pope by this point! It was like, "I agree with everything you are saying, I hate this little ginger shite-bag and her boyfriend... In general, he's right. [chuckling] I am totally with Pope.
Episode 28 (Wrestle Mania VIII)
Jay: ...then a wrestler lookalike contest with the final two being Paul Bearer and the Big Boss Man. And of course, the winner was... both of you! You're both winners.
V1: *groans* Double count-out, was it? Brawl to the back?
—On the Wrestle Mania VIII Fan Fest
Episode 30 (WrestleMania IX)
Jay: Hogan caused a media shitstorm on Arsenio Hall. Left WWF high and dry in '92 when the steroid heat was on. And when they tried to rebuild a new star, you return, not to put him over, but to fuck him out of his title, and the WrestleMania main event spotlight. A MATCH THAT YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN! Hot dog and grandstand, you selfish prick!
— On Hulk Hogan using his backstage pull to take the WWF World Title from Bret Hart.
Episode 32 (Ready to Rumble)
"So, about 10 minutes into this film—which only wrestling fans would see—we've been insulted by being portrayed at the bottom rung mentally, emotionally, financially, and socially. Thank you, WCW; that's very thorough. Take a bow!"
—Jay
OOC: This film...I mean, they couldn't be bothered writing an original script, so, Cliche #1: a really old woman swearing.
Jay: You can either swear or you can rap.
OOC: Correct. And she does both, but in different movies.
Jay: You can either swear or you can rap.
OOC: Correct. And she does both, but in different movies.
Jay: The guys have a rough time accepting their hero is just scumbag trailer trash who skipped out on his family and made off with his parents' minivan. They find him at a trailer park where King's inside, dressed incognito as a woman.
V1: Even after seeing all of this, the two retards still don't believe it—'cause they're marks. You see? That's what Eric Bischoff thinks of his fans.
V1: Even after seeing all of this, the two retards still don't believe it—'cause they're marks. You see? That's what Eric Bischoff thinks of his fans.
Episode 33 (WCW Thunder April 26th, 2000)
V1: What kind of idiot lets himself be talked into putting his belt on the line in a tag match?
Jay: Aren't faces stupid, though? And lead with their HEART? "I need to defend his honor. The honor of David Arquette."
V1: I dunno whether that's just a wrestling thing or an America thing.
OOC: Still happens to this day. Cena can not turn down a challenge.
Jay: Aren't faces stupid, though? And lead with their HEART? "I need to defend his honor. The honor of David Arquette."
V1: I dunno whether that's just a wrestling thing or an America thing.
OOC: Still happens to this day. Cena can not turn down a challenge.
OOC: You've been complaing for years about WCW: everything is black robes, black ring, black...
V1: Black and grey. The only color worse than to have everything black is everything grey.
Jay: It's like dog-vision.
[later]
V1: [at wit's end] EIGHT PEOPLE on this show wore jorts and some form of t-shirt, or vest, or top.
OOC: That was the style at the time.
V1: Fuck. EVERYONE is John Cena?
V1: Black and grey. The only color worse than to have everything black is everything grey.
Jay: It's like dog-vision.
[later]
V1: [at wit's end] EIGHT PEOPLE on this show wore jorts and some form of t-shirt, or vest, or top.
OOC: That was the style at the time.
V1: Fuck. EVERYONE is John Cena?
Jay: Douglas says he's "shooting", and that he'll "get Flair's ass Franchised!" [beat] Wouldn't that mean he'd get loads of Flair's ass all over the country?
V1: People pay Douglas a few quid and they get their very own Flair Ass!
V1: People pay Douglas a few quid and they get their very own Flair Ass!
Jay: It's just a bit sad. Like, her "sex appeal"... [sighs] You know when Scott Hall tries to do a machismo thing in 2013, and it's a bit sad? This is like a drunk, stoned woman trying to do her "sexy dance".
V1: And all you really wanna do is cover her up and buy her a cup of tea.
V1: And all you really wanna do is cover her up and buy her a cup of tea.
—On Tammy Lynn Sytch
Episode 34 (Slamboree 2000)
Jay: Backstage, Kanyon cuts a face promo, saying he puts his friendship with DDP ahead of the New Blood, and you get ahead in business "not by kissing ass, but busting your own." That's just...simply not true. It's a nice sentiment though. So Steve, how do you get ahead in wrasslin'?
OOC: By marryin' the boss' daughter.
V1: By aligning yourself with the top guys.
Jay: Sabotaging others, guaranteed contract, Creative Control, and—if possible—wear bicycle shorts.
OOC: By marryin' the boss' daughter.
V1: By aligning yourself with the top guys.
Jay: Sabotaging others, guaranteed contract, Creative Control, and—if possible—wear bicycle shorts.
"I am shocked that this Creative team didn't have a midget Lex Luger and call him "The Small Package"."
—Jay
OOC: Do you hear the fuckin' reaction he got when he came out? Who's still cheering this fucking guy? after all he's done? I just... I just don't understand it. He clearly hates every single person sitting in this crowd, and you are cheering.
V1: He hates wrestling!
OOC: It's just incredible. (Not Justin Credible.)
V1: He hates wrestling!
OOC: It's just incredible. (Not Justin Credible.)
—On Kevin Nash
Jay: In a backstage interview, The Franchise asks Nature Boy to look into his eyes (as he squints his eyes into the camera). I get the feeling he thinks that if he wins, Flair will stop Naitching. Does he think he'll be Nature Boy?
V1: That's not how wrestling works. You can destroy Flair, and the next night he's still gonna be Flair, and you're gonna be fucking Dean Douglas.
Jay: Sorry, mate.
OOC: What is the bad blood between these two? And I assume it's legitimate, yeah?
Jay: Well, Shane Douglas hates him because he's so successful, and Ric Flair is like "Pfffffffffffffffthahaha! Who's Shane Douglas?"
V1: Yeah, that's what I thought. Butter Bean.
Jay: Shane, just because you shot Jesse James don't make you Jesse James.
V1: All it does it make you someone who's able to shoot. [pops from Jay and OOC]
V1: That's not how wrestling works. You can destroy Flair, and the next night he's still gonna be Flair, and you're gonna be fucking Dean Douglas.
Jay: Sorry, mate.
OOC: What is the bad blood between these two? And I assume it's legitimate, yeah?
Jay: Well, Shane Douglas hates him because he's so successful, and Ric Flair is like "Pfffffffffffffffthahaha! Who's Shane Douglas?"
V1: Yeah, that's what I thought. Butter Bean.
Jay: Shane, just because you shot Jesse James don't make you Jesse James.
V1: All it does it make you someone who's able to shoot. [pops from Jay and OOC]
OOC: The commentators were saying that Jarrett was the favorite because there was the "Guitar Room". "The Master of the Guitar". It's not that difficult to hit somebody over the head with a guitar. It's not like a set of nunchucks of something.
V1: Where it takes skill to use it?
OOC: He'd be in a Karate Kid montage with a guitar, really.
V1: Where it takes skill to use it?
OOC: He'd be in a Karate Kid montage with a guitar, really.
Episode 37 (Heat Wave 1998)
V1: "The Dudleys and other fat men attack New Jack."
Episode 38 (One Night Stand 2005)
Jay: So, Kurt cuts a promo on the relentlessly hostile crowd, who chant "YOU SUCK DICK" at him.
Kurt: YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOOOOW!
Jay: He admitted he sucks dick.
Kurt: YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOOOOW!
Jay: He admitted he sucks dick.
—Ep. 38, ECW One Night Stand
Jay: Oh, man, it really annoyed me initially: The fans chant toward the Crusaders "YOU FUCK LITA" and "YOU'VE GOT HERPES". I was like, "Shut the FUCK up and watch this match!"
V1: JBL said the exact same thing. He said, "Look at all these fans paying to not watch wrestling, and chant." He does not care for these fans at all.
OOC: I have no issue with the chanting, the fans are having fun; but this, for me, it might've stepped over the line. Essentially, they were starting a fucking Mexican Wave.
V1: JBL said the exact same thing. He said, "Look at all these fans paying to not watch wrestling, and chant." He does not care for these fans at all.
OOC: I have no issue with the chanting, the fans are having fun; but this, for me, it might've stepped over the line. Essentially, they were starting a fucking Mexican Wave.
Jay: That's not the last time JBL was a shitbag. You remember in 2009 — or was it 2008 — he was also bullying Joey Styles, until Styles exploded and knocked him unconscious?
OOC: He must have caught him with a lucky shot.
Jay: Oh, I have no doubt. Most of the people who were there said that JBL was turning, and he turned into the punch, and it was just one of those 1 — 1,000,000 shots. But that's all it took; he fucking floored him. And even if Bradshaw had got up and kicked seven shades out of him, wouldn't have made a difference. The fact is you got fucking knocked out by fucking "catfiiiiiiiiiight!" End of story.
OOC: *sigh* Would the boys in the locker room not jump in and say, "Would you fuck off, you gobshite"?
Jay: He's Vince's boy, right? They're, like, golf buddies.
OOC: Aw, bollocks.
OOC: He must have caught him with a lucky shot.
Jay: Oh, I have no doubt. Most of the people who were there said that JBL was turning, and he turned into the punch, and it was just one of those 1 — 1,000,000 shots. But that's all it took; he fucking floored him. And even if Bradshaw had got up and kicked seven shades out of him, wouldn't have made a difference. The fact is you got fucking knocked out by fucking "catfiiiiiiiiiight!" End of story.
OOC: *sigh* Would the boys in the locker room not jump in and say, "Would you fuck off, you gobshite"?
Jay: He's Vince's boy, right? They're, like, golf buddies.
OOC: Aw, bollocks.
Episode 39 (One Night Stand 2006)
Jay: The Co-Holders of the Hardcore Championship break out a large sheet of plywood covered in barbed wire, which excites the crowd — but the insatiable cunts still chant, "WE WANT FIRE" a few seconds later.
V1: [groans] Yeah. I mean, they haven't even done the spot! Let them do it, and then if it doesn't appease you, then you can chant. But Jesus Christ. Let them do their match.
V1: [groans] Yeah. I mean, they haven't even done the spot! Let them do it, and then if it doesn't appease you, then you can chant. But Jesus Christ. Let them do their match.
OOC: He's lost a lot of what he had. "totaleliminatiooooooooooooon—!!", y'know. He doesn't do that near enough for my tastes. He's just another commentator now.
V1: Just in general, I wasn't the biggest fan of his stuff. But, ahh... I was wrong. Tazz made it worse.
V1: Just in general, I wasn't the biggest fan of his stuff. But, ahh... I was wrong. Tazz made it worse.
—On Joey Styles hosting Raw
OOC: Why was Balls hired, anyway?
Jay: [Vince McMahon voice] "Bah, ECW, he's an alum grumble grumble he's an original, Teh Originator!" I don't fucking know. 'Cause he was picking the garbage and he agreed to work for 20 quid or something.
V1: A ham sandwich.
Jay: [Vince McMahon voice] "Bah, ECW, he's an alum grumble grumble he's an original, Teh Originator!" I don't fucking know. 'Cause he was picking the garbage and he agreed to work for 20 quid or something.
V1: A ham sandwich.
Jay: Kurt Angle vs. Eugune, SummerSlam 2005.
OOC: [sighs with pleasure]
Jay: Walks up to him in the ring, SMASHES him. CLATTERS him across the face.
OOC: And how d'you feel about Nick Dinsmore in general? It was a job. He didn't deserve to be treated like that by Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle was taking his anger out on a gimmick; he shouldn't've been taking it out on a fellow wrestler trying to earn a career.
Jay: He's accepted the money, and the career, and the gimmick. And Kurt Angle is slapping the gimmick. And his face just happens to be there as well. [everyone sniggers] How do you feel about Eugene?
OOC: Oh, completely agree.
OOC: [sighs with pleasure]
Jay: Walks up to him in the ring, SMASHES him. CLATTERS him across the face.
OOC: And how d'you feel about Nick Dinsmore in general? It was a job. He didn't deserve to be treated like that by Kurt Angle. Kurt Angle was taking his anger out on a gimmick; he shouldn't've been taking it out on a fellow wrestler trying to earn a career.
Jay: He's accepted the money, and the career, and the gimmick. And Kurt Angle is slapping the gimmick. And his face just happens to be there as well. [everyone sniggers] How do you feel about Eugene?
OOC: Oh, completely agree.
"Just go the whole hog and have him smoke E-cigarettes. Just have him chug water bottles. Have him come out in a polo t-shirt. He can be the next Kerwin White. He can be some kinda 50's Sandman. "Mister Sandman, bring me a dream! ♫" [OOC scatting] "You were the worst wrestler I've ever seen ♪!""
—Jay on Sandman's new entrance theme, Ep. 39
Jay: "Ah saw dis WWE t-shit dat says 'CENA SUCKS'. Ah bought it. Ah gave 'im mah twenny dollars! That'll show 'em!"
V1: [guffaws] You fucking suckers!
OOC: Genius, though.
V1: It's a brilliant marketing ploy. 'Cause it worked!
Jay: The level of ignorance to buy a Cena t-shirt to hate on Cena—to give Cena money—I can't fathom the ignorance.
V1: [guffaws] You fucking suckers!
OOC: Genius, though.
V1: It's a brilliant marketing ploy. 'Cause it worked!
Jay: The level of ignorance to buy a Cena t-shirt to hate on Cena—to give Cena money—I can't fathom the ignorance.
Episode 39b (Ten Reasons to Love/Hate John Cena)
"I find it difficult to distinguish the wrestler and the man. All right? Triple H, I'm blinded with hatred and always have been. So whereas I know he's had good matches, I can't bring myself to say it, 'cause he's a cunt."
—OOC
V1: A "burial" is an MVP who is buried for two years straight, you know? You run into fans, [hick accent] "Daniel Bryan gettin' BURIED!" He's no. 2 man in the company boys. C'mon.
Jay: And his "favorite wrestler" is Vince McMahon!
Jay: And his "favorite wrestler" is Vince McMahon!
V1: Austin was a bit of a cunt.
Jay: Yeah, like, instead of puttin' people over, he said, "..uh, I retire."
Jay: Yeah, like, instead of puttin' people over, he said, "..uh, I retire."
Episode 40 (Capital Carnage 1998)
V1: She has zero charisma. Negative charisma.
Jay: And she's obviously disinterested and untalented. But she does pull in the crowds.
[later]
Jay: She is well over, I gotta say. The crowd don't... seem to notice this.
V1: Aw, the crowd love 'er!
Jay: But I don't know how. It's painfully obvious.
V1: In all fairness, you've got J.R. and King going, "SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL! SHE'S SO AMAZING! SHE'S SO ATHLETIC! SHE'S EVERYTHING! SHE'S PERFECT!" every week. That shit works.
Jay: And she's obviously disinterested and untalented. But she does pull in the crowds.
[later]
Jay: She is well over, I gotta say. The crowd don't... seem to notice this.
V1: Aw, the crowd love 'er!
Jay: But I don't know how. It's painfully obvious.
V1: In all fairness, you've got J.R. and King going, "SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL! SHE'S SO AMAZING! SHE'S SO ATHLETIC! SHE'S EVERYTHING! SHE'S PERFECT!" every week. That shit works.
—On Sable
V1: She's a pretty good athlete. But the fuckin' "Fiddly-Fie!" pose and the unsexy board dance—AGH. It's gotta go. Or she's gonna die a death in the WWE. She's got to be sent packing home soon.
Jay: Don't Americans love that shit? That stereotype of Oireland? Aren't they all over it? I can imagine Vince laughing and rolling on the ground over it.
V1: [groans] I don't know. What else is they gonna do now? Is she come out with black eyes? [weeping] "H-He had a coupla drinks and—!"
Jay: Don't Americans love that shit? That stereotype of Oireland? Aren't they all over it? I can imagine Vince laughing and rolling on the ground over it.
V1: [groans] I don't know. What else is they gonna do now? Is she come out with black eyes? [weeping] "H-He had a coupla drinks and—!"
—On Becky Lynch
Episode 41 (ECW on Sci-Fi)
OOC: You can tell that the crowd aren't big ECW fans 'cause Sandman comes down, he's spraying the beer, and people are kinda getting outta the way. They're like, "Ewwww!"
V1: If there's any wrestler's germs you don't want on you, it's the Sandman's.
V1: If there's any wrestler's germs you don't want on you, it's the Sandman's.
Episode 42 (Night of Champions 2014)
Jay: Because every woman has to resort to sexuality to get her way and to get the upper hand. Every woman is part-lesbian as well.
V1: Oh, yeah. AND!: They're all mental.
Jay: Yes. I guess we should be grateful that they're not faking pregnancies to get their way.
V1: [laughing] Wrestling has a longstanding history of not liking women at all.
V1: Oh, yeah. AND!: They're all mental.
Jay: Yes. I guess we should be grateful that they're not faking pregnancies to get their way.
V1: [laughing] Wrestling has a longstanding history of not liking women at all.
Episode 43 (December to Dismember 2006)
Jay: He'd routinely embarrass Jerry Lawler who doesn't watch the show, doesn't know anything, just shows up and spouts out lines. And he'd embarrass him, pick holes in whatever he was saying. For that he was muzzled and he had his credibility shattered, as Vince would demand he'd bark out incorrect facts, garbage.
V1: "The pile driver was invented in 1774 by Mr.—"
OOC: "George Washington!"
Jay: So by the end, he became a worse version of Michael Cole. It's very sad, 'cause you see what he was capable of, and as soon as he was moved to the big leagues, Raw, Smackdown... [imitates falling bomb]
V1: Don't. Embarrass. The King.
V1: "The pile driver was invented in 1774 by Mr.—"
OOC: "George Washington!"
Jay: So by the end, he became a worse version of Michael Cole. It's very sad, 'cause you see what he was capable of, and as soon as he was moved to the big leagues, Raw, Smackdown... [imitates falling bomb]
V1: Don't. Embarrass. The King.
—On Matt Stryker
"Bobby Lashley! 1-2-3! The NEW ECW Champion: The big 'roidy guy! NO ties, NO characteristics of ECW, didn't even use a weapon!"
—Jay
Episode 44 (Hell in a Cell 2014)
"Tryin' to make these guys your "new" top two guys — top heel, top face — and one gets in taxis & gets on the fuckin' subway for hot dogs, and the other one carries a vibrator around in his briefcase!"
—V1
Episode 46 (Halloween Havoc 1995)
Jay: Yes, it's time to go to the roof of COBO Hall. Someone'll end up in the Detroit River, an impossibility as the building is surrounded by a parking lot — unless you have a catapult, of course. But I don't think they sprung for one.
V1: They sprung for everything fucking else! Monster trucks, helicopter shots, Harley-Davidsons. One being squished, one being given away... [blows raspberry] This company is well on its way to going out of business.
Jay: Guaranteed you will not be making money on this PPV.
V1: "WHAT HAPPENED?"
Jay: 'BLANK CHECKS, BROTHER."
V1: They sprung for everything fucking else! Monster trucks, helicopter shots, Harley-Davidsons. One being squished, one being given away... [blows raspberry] This company is well on its way to going out of business.
Jay: Guaranteed you will not be making money on this PPV.
V1: "WHAT HAPPENED?"
Jay: 'BLANK CHECKS, BROTHER."
Jay: Next night on Nitro, they retcon the outcome of Halloween Havoc: That Giant's DQ win actually snags him the WCW World Title.
V1: Fuck me.
Jay: So Giant... wins the WCW World Title without... getting to celebrate getting the World Title. Fucking—huh, thanks Hogan!
V1: Hogan is masterful at this shit, isn't he?
V1: Fuck me.
Jay: So Giant... wins the WCW World Title without... getting to celebrate getting the World Title. Fucking—huh, thanks Hogan!
V1: Hogan is masterful at this shit, isn't he?
Episode 47 (Royal Rumble 2001)
V1: "I don't watch your show. Now pay me and put my show over."
Jay: That's how you get into the Hall of Fame!
V1: You're probably more likely to get in if you call Vince's bluff and just be, "grumble grumble yeah I don't like it."
Jay: He can respect that.
V1: [chortling] God.
Jay: That's how you get into the Hall of Fame!
V1: You're probably more likely to get in if you call Vince's bluff and just be, "grumble grumble yeah I don't like it."
Jay: He can respect that.
V1: [chortling] God.
Jay: J.R. says that Royal Rumble 2001 is being seen in over 70 countries. And Jerry says, "I didn't know there were 70 countries on Earth!"
Jay: *sigh* *blows raspberry* Rrrgh!! AMERICA. "There's two: America, and Terror!"
Jay: *sigh* *blows raspberry* Rrrgh!! AMERICA. "There's two: America, and Terror!"
Jay: Over 1 million copies sold.
OOC: It's morbid curiosity.
Jay: Yeah, I agree. (That's why I got it.)
OOC: It's morbid curiosity.
Jay: Yeah, I agree. (That's why I got it.)
—On Chyna's Playboy spread
Episode 49 (WrestleMania 31)
Maffew: I don't like Bray's spider walk. It doesn't make any sense. And he keeps usin' it like it's an offensive move.
Jay: [Bray voice] It's miiiiiiiiiiiiind games.
Maffew: He was at Money in the Bank and he did it! As he was climbing the ladder! Like, "You're a fucking IDIOT! You DESERVE to lose!"
Jay: [Bray voice] It's miiiiiiiiiiiiind games.
Maffew: He was at Money in the Bank and he did it! As he was climbing the ladder! Like, "You're a fucking IDIOT! You DESERVE to lose!"
"It's like if you're playin' Street Fighter II — or watchin' an anime of Street Fighter II: As opposed to M.Bison gettin' killed (or 'defeated', we should say) at the hands of Ryu or Ken, it's like, fuckin'...T.Hawk, is the guy that lands the final blow and brings down the empire."
—Maffew on Roman Reigns
Episode 51 (Final Nitro)
OOC: "That's embarrassing, taking a half-naked man out of your wallet."
—On the WCW Master Card featuring Buff Bagwell
Episode 52 (Simulcast RAW)
Jay: "Match #2 is your boy, Steve! William Regal, vs. Crash Holly who is not my boy."
OOC: "He is!"
Jay: "No. Absolutely... No."
V1: "He is no-selling this."
OOC: "I'm tellin' ya, he's lying. I don't know why you'd lie about it."
Jay: "Exactly! Why would I lie about it?"
Episode 55 (WrestleMania X-7)
To quote Reggie Fils-Aime: My body is ready.
—V1 on Rock vs. Austin
Episode 59 (World War 3 1995)
OOC: "She was a boxer?"
Jay: "And his dad was an Irish Setter."
V1: "And their best friend, Irish Coffee... cut that."
—On Hacksaw Jim Duggan's alleged Irish heritage
Episode 62 (Destination X 2007)
"I have a feeling he's a massive racist. Sorry, sexist. Eh, probably a racist.''
—Jay on Kip James's misogynist gimmick
Episode 69 (Sunny Side Up)
"Turn it off and don't fucking touch me."
—V1's wife upon seeing him watching the titular film. Winner of Quote of the Year at the 6th Noggers.
Episode 78 (The Marine 6)
- "Jesus, Shawn, you've seen better days."—OOC, to Shawn's face, upon seeing him on-set in post-fight makeup (which OOC and Jay didn't know). Winner of Quote of the Year at the 7th Noggers.
