Quotes / No Yay

Gamekeeper28: Zigzag looks like what would happen if Jafar and the Genie fused together.
Speedyeric: At least you didn't say if they had a kid, and it would really give me a nightmare tonight.

— The comment board on The Nostalgia Critic's review of The Thief and the Cobbler.

They embrace and Tommy teases, “What, no kiss?” I believe this is called The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name For a Damned Good Reason.

— The Agony Booth recap of Hudson Hawk

"This teaches us all a valuable lesson—rape is undesirable when ugly people are doing it."

— Death Note Abridged Series (Hikaripop)

"YOU'VE RUINED SEX FOR ME! FOREVER!"

— Loud Howard, Dilbert

"You know, I USED to like sex. Now, I'll never touch another human-being again."

— Brows Held High

"Of all the bizarre 'ships that get play on this site, the one that bothers me the most is probably Sora/Xehanort. Not because of the huge age difference or massive power imbalance, or even that Sora is underage - though those are also problems! - but because it obliges me to imagine this man◊ having sex."

—David J. Prokopetz

"At last she saw past superficialities to understand that it was Santa, with his warm and loyal heart, who was the real man - not cobalt-eyed, washboard-abbed Blade at all! Santa Claus was always her best friend - could he be something more?"
"No. Absolutely not. Under no circumstances. He cannot."

— How NOT to Write a Novel, "Last Tango In Santa's Village"

Hermione: I love to learn.
Harry: I love magic.
Ron: I love you, Harry.
Harry: Uh...

— Potter Puppet Pals, "Potter Puppet Pals"

"Too young."

— Pongo when trying to play matchmaker with his owner (a grown man) and seeing a little girl, 101 Dalmatians

"'Ask about WooHoo'?! No! No, no, no, no, no!"

— Anonymous woman doing a Let's Play of The Sims 4, using Star Trek: Deep Space Nine characters and the option came up between Quark (who's middle aged) and Jake (a teenager)

Charles: You guys are so naive; it's never 'nothing'. In high school, I played Daddy Warbucks in Annie. Becca Murse played Annie. And we were supposed to hug, on stage. And at first, that seemed like nothing too. But by opening night, we were full-on making out.
Amy: As Daddy Warbucks and Annie?
Charles: Mmm-hmmm... the audience was not on board. Playwright sued the school.

— Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Louie: Wait, are [Donald and Mrs Beakley] gonna kiss? Ugh!
Huey, Dewey, and Webby: Ew!

— DuckTales (2017)

...goddamnit, internet, why did you ever give me slash-goggles? Cannot unsee...

— This LiveJournal review of "Two-Timer" from The Batman Adventures, on Two-Face cupping Batman's face.

Laburnum: Oh, Lisa, what have they done to you?!
Foxglove: Made her feature in a badfic.
Laburnum: That I could stand. But, but... underage incest cartoon porn... gah.

— Protectors of the Plot Continuum, "Moaning Mary, Simpsons Sue"

"Excuse me, Lord Fraldarius," Manuela spoke up. "Can you please not interrogate my patients? They’re traumatized." She stood up, arching her back to better draw attention to her already quite-visible and ample bosom like a bird showing off its plumage. "I’d be happy to tell you what I know over dinner… and perhaps a few drinks."
Edelgard wished she could warn her that she was hitting on a wrinkly, pasty-faced mole person who tortured children.

— An Eagle Among Lions

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