Quotes / Never Live It Down

Films — Live-Action

Danny: And I always confuse Monet and Manet. Now which one married his mistress?
Tess: Monet.
Danny: Right, and then Manet had syphilis.
Tess: They also painted occasionally.

— Ocean's Eleven

Jay: Hey, wait a second, aren't you that guy that fucked the pie?
Jason Biggs: Y'see, man? Y'see? It's never "hey, you were in Loser (2000), weren't ya?" or "dude, you rocked in Boys and Girls!" No, it always comes back to that fucking pie! I'm haunted by it!

—Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Drax the Destroyer: You! Man who has lain with an Askervarian!
Peter Quill: It was one time, man!

—Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

FedEx Driver: Are you 'Tony... Stank'?
James Rhodes: Yes. This is... this is Tony Stank. You're in the right place. Thank you for that! Never dropping that, by the way. "Table for one, Mr. Stank. Please, by the bathroom."

—Captain America: Civil War

Jokes

A tourist stays the night at a farmer's house, and in the morning, visits it with the farmer.
"See that barn? Built it up with my own two hands for a year. But do they call me John Barnbuilder? No."
A while later: "See those fields? I designed and dug the irrigation trenches myself. Took me two years to do it. But do they call me John Ditchdigger? No."
Later still: "See that flock of sheep covering the hillside? Started out with just two of 'em, and five years later I got damn near two hundred. But do they call me John Shepherd? No!"
The tourist asks "What should they call you then?"
"Anything! Anything at all! All the things I've done in my life, you'd think they'd have trouble choosing, but no!"
The farmer stays silent for a minute. "But you fuck ONE GOAT!"

Music

There was this actor named Hegelochus in 408 BC
Who messed up one of his lines oh so famously
That two millennia later we still know his name
And poets through the ages carry on his shame

—TikTok user itskeyes, "Every Actor's Nightmare or A Prayer for Hegelochus"

But if just one time
You get too drunk and shit
In your best friend's bathtub
Everybody calls you a Tubshitter! (Tubshitter)
No matter if it was once, now you are Tubshitter! (Tubshitter)
You are gonna be known as Tubshitter forever more!

—One Time

Sports

"Steve Gerrard, Gerrard,
He slipped from 40 yards!
He gave it to Demba Ba!
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard."

— Everton fans, making fun of Steven Gerrard slipping and allowing Demba Ba to score during Liverpool's 2-0 loss to Chelsea on April 27, 2014.

Web Animation

Harry Maguire: [...] As a Manchester United player, I feel like I'm always apologizing to fans after we lose. [The sound of a plane taxiing in the background gets louder, forcing Harry to speak louder] BUT, I DON'T WANT TO SHOULDER [Harry moves his shoulder to emphasize the point] ALL THE BLAME-

Lionel Messi's puppet: WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT NOISE!?

Maguire: Huh? OH NOOOOO!!! WATCH OUUUUUT!!!

[The camera pans right to show the Brazil team plane taxiing dangerously close to a departure gate sign before gently hitting one of the posts, denting it slightly]

Neymar: Yoooo, Marquinhos! You hit the post!

—The Champions (2018): Champions Chat: Quarterfinals

Web Original

Character: Says "I like bread" that one time.
Fandom: Character has an obsession with bread. Bread is character's true love. Draws character as bread. Every meta joke in fanfic is about bread. The character's room is wallpapered with bread.

—levatiel on Tumblr

Ranma Arrives: Ranma arrives. Surprising, huh? "You're a pervert!" said Akane, inadvertently setting her fanfic characterisation for all time.

— Ranma ½ For People With Short Attention Spans

I love that while Jimmy Neutron generally meant well, he was such a huge, unbelievable asshole cunt in that fast food episode that that’s all we can think about years later.

— sirobvious on Tumblr

During the lean years in the mid-90s, before they recast Henson's and Oz's characters, there was a huge vacuum on the Street: they didn't have Ernie, Bert, Grover or Cookie Monster to play with, so Elmo ended up filling the gap left by the loss of all four characters. As it turns out, Elmo was essentially keeping the place warm for them, helping it to tick over until they decided to take the plunge and recast all those characters — but at the time, it looked like Elmo was taking over, pushing out the characters that we loved and hogging the spotlight. Some fans still hold a grudge against Elmo, even now that we have our other monsters back.

— Danny Horn on Sesame Street, Tough Pigs

Web Video

Developing a game, as it turns out, is quite hard. As negative press grew and grew concerning nepotism and mass resignations, and full-page gaming adverts informed a restless gaming public that they were John Romero's cellmate and he'd claimed the top bunk, as it were, outright hostility was brewing. At this point, the universe takes two paths: one in which Romero spearheads a bold artistic movement in gaming design as a misunderstood genius burdened with the egotism that often strikes the auteur, or Romero is forever lambasted as a boob so massive that even the most determined baby would struggle to get its gob around him. And which universe we ended up with hinged on one thing: Daikatana not being an execrable pile of garbage. Better luck next time, universe.

Yahtzee on Daikatana and its impact on John Romero's reputation

That was from our Goonies II playthrough, which was one of my favorite games as a little kid... I was so excited to share it with the Game Grumps audience, and now the only thing anyone remembers from it is me falling for the "updog" joke.

— Dan Avidan, Game Grumps, We watch the MOST POPULAR Game Grumps Animations - Game Grumps Compilations

Uh, can I just talk for a second about how hilariously infamous this clip is? Pokémon Challenges literally reacted over Jaiden's video, and STILL included two whole minutes of me messing up and blaming Captain Kidd.

— Alpharad, "Can you beat Pokémon with a Level 1 team?"

Your NES days, Konami. We do not forgive. We do not forget.

— Josh Scorcher on Konami's infamously difficult NES games, "Top Ten Konami Worst FAILS"

Something I've noticed about fanfiction is that if a character even slightly mentions something that they like, a lot of writers will just take that interest and run. They'll base the character's life *around* that interest.

— cherubsoul, discussing fanfiction "pet peeves"

I think Judo gets a lot of hate that's not necessary. Everyone likes to rail on how Judo was so mean to Bingo and she's just an awful character, but they forget that Judo said 'sorry' at the end. This is a redemption arc episode for her. Like, she realised what was wrong and said 'sorry' at the end; they were all happy, they hugged, and their tails all wagged. Everyone forgets that end part; they're like like 'Judo's an awful, bratty child!', so I kind of feel bad for Judo that, like, people seem to forget that, yeah, she realised her mistake in the end and she did better.

— Aussie Girl Margie on Bluey

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