Fan Works
"Her ladyship has been to the castle before," the butler dutifully said. "However Lady Katarina, the castle has not been in this configuration when you had previously done so." He nodded to a door they passed by. "From here, you would usually use that door to head down to the cellar and from there to the underground waterway so you could come out of the third southwest service hallway to get to Prince Alan's music room, would you not?"
"Yup," Katarina chirped happily as Maria had terrible flashbacks of trying to get from one side of Cathedral Ward to another on her first day in Yharnam. It had taken her two days, and she had needed to sleep in a tree to avoid dogs.
"Because of the international Assembly, however, that door has been locked, and it does not open from this side."
"Aw! You mean I have to go up the ladder and walk over the chandeliers to get across to the outside ledge that lets me get into the musty green room and then push the spinning stairs around so I can get through the hall to the music room instead?"
"I'm afraid so," the butler said.
Maria really hated mythic architecture.
"Yup," Katarina chirped happily as Maria had terrible flashbacks of trying to get from one side of Cathedral Ward to another on her first day in Yharnam. It had taken her two days, and she had needed to sleep in a tree to avoid dogs.
"Because of the international Assembly, however, that door has been locked, and it does not open from this side."
"Aw! You mean I have to go up the ladder and walk over the chandeliers to get across to the outside ledge that lets me get into the musty green room and then push the spinning stairs around so I can get through the hall to the music room instead?"
"I'm afraid so," the butler said.
Maria really hated mythic architecture.
Rose: You know something? I think that castle wants to destroy you. Not kill you. No, killing you would be easy. It kills all the time, so it, it got bored with killing somewhere down the line. No, it wants to destroy you, Twilight. Completely.
Twilight Sparkle: Wh-Why would it want to do that?
Rose: ...To prove that it can.
Twilight Sparkle: Wh-Why would it want to do that?
Rose: ...To prove that it can.
Film
Enslin: [into tape recorder] General Manager claims that the phantom in room interferes-
Olin: I have never used the word "phantom".
Enslin: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, spirit? Specter?
Olin: No, you misunderstand. Whatever's in 1408 is nothing like that.
Enslin: Then what is it?
Olin: It's an evil fucking room.
Olin: I have never used the word "phantom".
Enslin: Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, spirit? Specter?
Olin: No, you misunderstand. Whatever's in 1408 is nothing like that.
Enslin: Then what is it?
Olin: It's an evil fucking room.
— 1408
Then the words were spoken: the house must die. But the house was stronger than the words, as it was stronger than the centuries. With suddenly falling stones it slew those who laid hands on its walls. It opened the floor under their feet, dragging them down into a shaft, of which no man had previously had any knowledge. It was as though the plague, which had formerly wandered in the wake of the red shoes of the magician, still crouched in the corners of the narrow house, springing out at men from behind, to seize them by the neck. They died, and no doctor knew the illness. The house resisted its destruction with so great a force that word of its malignity went out over the borders of the city, spreading far over the land, that, at last, there was no honest man to be found who would have ventured to make war against it. Yes, even the thieves and the rogues, who were promised remission of their sentence provided that they declared themselves ready to pull down the magician's house, preferred to go to the pillory, or even to the scaffold, rather than to enter within these spiteful walls, these latchless doors, which were sealed with Solomon's seal.
Literature
“This house hates everyone, present company included. I'm more than reasonably sure the house, rather than the exile, is my actual punishment. That, or someone in the archives heard rumors of a monster which disguises itself as a truly vile piece of architecture and sent me to inhabit it in the hopes that I'd be the first person to figure out how to murder a residence.”
— Thomas Price, InCryptid “What You Pay For”
Tabletop Games
The innards of the Impossible Fortress are no less confounding than the exterior. Different passages and rooms obey different physical laws, or may exist in other physical dimensions. That which is decreed by gravity to be "up" in one chamber may be "down" in another; or can indeed be an alternate state of being entirely, such as sorrow or the past. Were a mortal to find himself in the Impossible Fortress he would not live long before being driven completely insane - but then, what else is to be expected in a place where a man can travel backwards in time by walking across the room?
— Warhammer: Chaos Demons Army Book (7th Edition)
Video Games
"So, this must be Garland's haunted mansion... Talk about bad taste in interior decorating."
— Zidane, Final Fantasy IX
"A schedule for the Derailed Express. Huh. It's scheduled to derail at 4:15. Weird."
— Wario Land Shake It, description for the Derailed Express Timetable
The Boss: "Did you fill the hallways with nonsensical, lethal yet vaguely passable obstables?"
Lackey: "Yes, we have all the standard electricity, spikes and fireballs in position."
Lackey: "Yes, we have all the standard electricity, spikes and fireballs in position."
Webcomics
"This is a temple dedicated to evil. It's built on a desecrated burial ground where other more ancient desecrated burial grounds went when they got evil built over them. The architect was a Necromancer and the contractors were in the Eldritch Mafia."
— Drizz'l, 8-Bit Theater
White Mage: What I want to know is this: HOW did you get us lost?
Black Belt: Look. This isn't as easy as I make it look, y'know. It's not like this is some ordinary run-down castle. This is the Temple of Fiends! FIENDS, I say! Do you have any idea what that does to a place? Hm? Do you? This is architecture of insanity. The towers of madness! So excuse me if we have trouble navigating through the abnormal psychology imbued within these walls.
White Mage: "Abnormal psychology"? "Architecture of insanity?" What are you babbling about? This castle isn't some twisted experiment in non-euclidean geometry! It wasn't erected by demons of madness and it's not built on purely theoretical Escher-teric physics. It's a straight run! A blind, mentally deficient monkey could've found his way!
Black Belt: These monkeys of which you speak. Are they mentally deficient by human standards or by monkey standards? Because that could really make a difference, if ya think about it.
Black Belt: Look. This isn't as easy as I make it look, y'know. It's not like this is some ordinary run-down castle. This is the Temple of Fiends! FIENDS, I say! Do you have any idea what that does to a place? Hm? Do you? This is architecture of insanity. The towers of madness! So excuse me if we have trouble navigating through the abnormal psychology imbued within these walls.
White Mage: "Abnormal psychology"? "Architecture of insanity?" What are you babbling about? This castle isn't some twisted experiment in non-euclidean geometry! It wasn't erected by demons of madness and it's not built on purely theoretical Escher-teric physics. It's a straight run! A blind, mentally deficient monkey could've found his way!
Black Belt: These monkeys of which you speak. Are they mentally deficient by human standards or by monkey standards? Because that could really make a difference, if ya think about it.
Sweet Bro: FUCK IM FALLING DOWN ALL THESE STAIRS...................
Hella Jeff: I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO!!!! I TOLD YOU DOG!
Sweet Bro: IT KEEPS HAPPENING
Hella Jeff: I TOLD YOU MAN I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS!
Hella Jeff: I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO!!!! I TOLD YOU DOG!
Sweet Bro: IT KEEPS HAPPENING
Hella Jeff: I TOLD YOU MAN I TOLD YOU ABOUT STAIRS!
— Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, extolling the inherent evil of stairs
Xaneth: Moving on, these corridors are as deadly as they look. Any sort of pressure on the ground, and the fire and spikes respectively will brutally murder whoever caused the pressure. On the other side of each is a single chest ... If the paths haven't had pressure applied when the room is reached, they activate anyway, faster and more intense than they would have originally. And the chests are filled with bees.
Sebastian: So then what's the point of all this?
Xaneth: [Quizzical Tilt] The... point?
Sebastian: So then what's the point of all this?
Xaneth: [Quizzical Tilt] The... point?
Web Original
"God, who designed this room, M.C. Escher? ...Why is there a ladder here if it doesn't go anywhere? I don't know... a scientist's job is to try to make sense of the world around him, but this whole building is crazy. Blocked exits. Gordian Knot airducts. A giant box-smashing room. It doesn't add up! The only time I feel like I know what I'm doing is when I'm shooting or breaking things..."
"Why is the building TRYING TO KILL ME?!"
"I don't believe in a standing army. I believe in cruel and unusual architecture."
— Dwarf Fortress player Pickled Tink, on the forums
[while running up on the stairs] "Why are there so many poles on these stairs? Not the best architectural decision-" [runs into a pole]
— Rhombus, Race to the Mansion of Tomorrow
