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Anime and Manga
Tyson: Does anyone know where we're going?
Kai: Just zip it and follow me, okay?
Max: Sounds like they're married.
Ray: Yeah, no kidding.
Kai: Just zip it and follow me, okay?
Max: Sounds like they're married.
Ray: Yeah, no kidding.
Fanfiction
Asuka: Shinji! Listen to me, dummkopf!
Shinji: What is it, Asuka?
Asuka: Hikari told me about AXL's Game Center! It sounds fun! I want you to take me there, okay?
Shinji: I don't know if...
Asuka: Stop being so hesitant! You're getting on my nerves!
Toji: Not yet married, and she's already henpecking you...
Shinji: What is it, Asuka?
Asuka: Hikari told me about AXL's Game Center! It sounds fun! I want you to take me there, okay?
Shinji: I don't know if...
Asuka: Stop being so hesitant! You're getting on my nerves!
Toji: Not yet married, and she's already henpecking you...
— The Child of Love, Chapter 5
Geez... They sound married already ^_^'
Shinji: You know, if you flashed the class, I bet you could kill half the male population.
Asuka: Toji’s an idiot and Rei’s a liar.
Shinji: Toji’s been hospitalized and you never denied that quote from Rei.
Asuka: Alright, she’s a horrible exaggerator! Happy now?
Shinji: No! This shirt was brand new.
Asuka: Gah! Why must you take her side?
Shinji: I’m not. I just enjoy winding you up, or have you not figured that out by now?
Asuka: Toji’s an idiot and Rei’s a liar.
Shinji: Toji’s been hospitalized and you never denied that quote from Rei.
Asuka: Alright, she’s a horrible exaggerator! Happy now?
Shinji: No! This shirt was brand new.
Asuka: Gah! Why must you take her side?
Shinji: I’m not. I just enjoy winding you up, or have you not figured that out by now?
Film — Live-Action
Chucky: What are you doing? (Tiffany throws a plate at him) What would Martha Stewert say?
Tiffany: FUCK Martha Stewert! Martha Stewert can kiss my shiny, plastic butt! Here I am, slaving away over a hot stove, making cookies, making Swedish meatballs, and for what?! For a man who doesn't appreciate me! For a man who can't even wash one FUCKING dish! For a man who isn't even a man at all where it counts, if you catch my drift! (turns to Jade) Take it from me, honey! Plastic is no substitute for a nice hunk of wood!
Chucky: (turns to Jesse) And you're complaining last night. (turns back to Tiffany) Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, PROBABLY battery-operated, to get a reaction out of you in bed! And by the way, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN TO BAKE?!!
Tiffany: FUCK Martha Stewert! Martha Stewert can kiss my shiny, plastic butt! Here I am, slaving away over a hot stove, making cookies, making Swedish meatballs, and for what?! For a man who doesn't appreciate me! For a man who can't even wash one FUCKING dish! For a man who isn't even a man at all where it counts, if you catch my drift! (turns to Jade) Take it from me, honey! Plastic is no substitute for a nice hunk of wood!
Chucky: (turns to Jesse) And you're complaining last night. (turns back to Tiffany) Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, PROBABLY battery-operated, to get a reaction out of you in bed! And by the way, WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN TO BAKE?!!
[After being imprisoned for destroying a shipyard.]
Dr. Watson: I haven't slept all night. Not a wink. Why I ever believed that I would get to have tea with Mary's parents is beyond me, having been talked into going with you.
Sherlock Holmes: We were set upon, man. It was self-defense.
Watson: I've been reviewing my notes of our exploits over the last seven months. Would you like to hear my conclusion? [Holmes reacts non-comittally] I am psychologically disturbed.
Holmes: How so?
Watson: Why else would I be continually led into situations where you deliberately withhold your plans from me? Why else?!
Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.
Watson: I'm not complaining.
Holmes: [Petty and snide] You're not? What do you call this?
Watson: [Riled] How — how am I complaining?! I never complain! When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning? Or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene or the fact that you steal my clothes?!
Holmes: Uhh, we have a barter system—
Watson: [Warming up to the subject] When do I complain about you setting fire to my rooms?!
Holmes: Our rooms.
Watson: The rooms! When do I complain that you experiment on my dog?!
Holmes: Our dog.
Watson: [Spluttering] On the—the— the dog!
Holmes: [Speaking over Watson] Gladstone is our dog.
Watson: Where I do take issue is your campaign to sabotage my relationship with Mary!
[Sullen pause]
Holmes: I understand.
Watson: [Skeptical] Do you?
Holmes: I do.
Watson: I don't think you do...
Holmes: You're overtired.
Watson: Yes.
Holmes: You're feeling sensitive.
Watson: I'm not sensitive...
Holmes: What you need is rest. My brother Mycroft has a small estate near Chichester. Beautiful grounds. There's a folly. We could throw a lamb on the spit.
Watson: "We"?! Holmes, if I were to go to the countryside, it would be with my future wife!
Holmes: [Resentfully] Well certainly, if we must have her along...
Watson: No, not you, Mary and I! You are not—
Holmes: What? Invited? Why would I not be invited to my own brother's country home? Watson, now you're not making any sense!
Watson: You're not human!!!
Dr. Watson: I haven't slept all night. Not a wink. Why I ever believed that I would get to have tea with Mary's parents is beyond me, having been talked into going with you.
Sherlock Holmes: We were set upon, man. It was self-defense.
Watson: I've been reviewing my notes of our exploits over the last seven months. Would you like to hear my conclusion? [Holmes reacts non-comittally] I am psychologically disturbed.
Holmes: How so?
Watson: Why else would I be continually led into situations where you deliberately withhold your plans from me? Why else?!
Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.
Watson: I'm not complaining.
Holmes: [Petty and snide] You're not? What do you call this?
Watson: [Riled] How — how am I complaining?! I never complain! When do I complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning? Or your mess? Your general lack of hygiene or the fact that you steal my clothes?!
Holmes: Uhh, we have a barter system—
Watson: [Warming up to the subject] When do I complain about you setting fire to my rooms?!
Holmes: Our rooms.
Watson: The rooms! When do I complain that you experiment on my dog?!
Holmes: Our dog.
Watson: [Spluttering] On the—the— the dog!
Holmes: [Speaking over Watson] Gladstone is our dog.
Watson: Where I do take issue is your campaign to sabotage my relationship with Mary!
[Sullen pause]
Holmes: I understand.
Watson: [Skeptical] Do you?
Holmes: I do.
Watson: I don't think you do...
Holmes: You're overtired.
Watson: Yes.
Holmes: You're feeling sensitive.
Watson: I'm not sensitive...
Holmes: What you need is rest. My brother Mycroft has a small estate near Chichester. Beautiful grounds. There's a folly. We could throw a lamb on the spit.
Watson: "We"?! Holmes, if I were to go to the countryside, it would be with my future wife!
Holmes: [Resentfully] Well certainly, if we must have her along...
Watson: No, not you, Mary and I! You are not—
Holmes: What? Invited? Why would I not be invited to my own brother's country home? Watson, now you're not making any sense!
Watson: You're not human!!!
Literature
She and Bunny had a relationship the likes of which I had seldom seen except in couples married for twenty years or more, a relationship which vacillated between the touching and the annoying. In her dealings with him she was very bossy and businesslike, treating him in much the same way she handled her kindergarten pupils; he responded in kind, alternately wheedling, affectionate, or sulky. Most of the time he bore her nagging patiently, but when he did not, terrible fights ensued.
— Richard characterizing the relationship between Bunny and Marion, The Secret History,
Mayor Snaplaunce: [Ben and Vestara], are they a couple?
Luke Skywalker: No.
Snaplaunce: They argue like one.
Luke: So you are a couple with every one of your political opponents?
Snaplaunce: Oh, well struck, Master Skywalker.
Luke Skywalker: No.
Snaplaunce: They argue like one.
Luke: So you are a couple with every one of your political opponents?
Snaplaunce: Oh, well struck, Master Skywalker.
Live-Action TV
Penny: It's kind of nice. Look at us, I'm reading, you're reading. We're like an old married couple.
Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce...
Sheldon: Good, on the way to the lawyers pick up some tea and cookies.
Sheldon: If we were an old married couple, the wife would serve iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Penny: I don't have iced tea and snickerdoodles.
Sheldon: A good wife would go to the store.
Penny: I want a divorce...
Sheldon: Good, on the way to the lawyers pick up some tea and cookies.
Howard: Look, just for the record, we're not in an "ersatz homosexual relationship."
Raj: Well, then why didn't you say that to her?
Howard: Why is it always my responsibility?
Raj: Oh, it's not "always" your responsibility. I swear, this is the same thing you did at the comic book store last week.
Howard: ...I can't believe you're bringing that up.
Raj: I didn't bring it up, you did.
Howard: (through gritted teeth, glancing at Sheldon) We'll talk about this later.
Raj: Well, you always say that, but we never do.
Sheldon: ...You went to the comic book store without me?
Raj: Well, then why didn't you say that to her?
Howard: Why is it always my responsibility?
Raj: Oh, it's not "always" your responsibility. I swear, this is the same thing you did at the comic book store last week.
Howard: ...I can't believe you're bringing that up.
Raj: I didn't bring it up, you did.
Howard: (through gritted teeth, glancing at Sheldon) We'll talk about this later.
Raj: Well, you always say that, but we never do.
Sheldon: ...You went to the comic book store without me?
Richard Castle: Okay. So you and I are married.
Kate Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: Well, I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay. If we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Owner: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle and Beckett: (in unison) Yes.
Kate Beckett: We are not married.
Castle: Relax, it's just pretend.
Beckett: Well, I don't wanna pretend.
Castle: Scared you'll like it?
Beckett: Okay. If we're married, I want a divorce.
Apartment Owner: Are you two like this all the time?
Castle and Beckett: (in unison) Yes.
— Castle, "A Chill Runs Through Her Veins"
Jade: All I heard was "Hamster, hamster, science, science, Tori's boring, kill me."
Tori: (pulls out muffin) You want a muffin?
Jade: Sure. (accepts muffin and takes a bite)
Cat: You brought muffins?
Tori: Oh, no, I found it under the seat.
(Jade spits out muffin and tosses it while Tori laughs)
Tori: Not so boring now, am I?
Jade: Alright, Vega, I'm gonna pull this car over and-
Cat: You guys! I'm not gonna sit here and listen to the two of you fight for the next two hours!"
Tori: (pulls out muffin) You want a muffin?
Jade: Sure. (accepts muffin and takes a bite)
Cat: You brought muffins?
Tori: Oh, no, I found it under the seat.
(Jade spits out muffin and tosses it while Tori laughs)
Tori: Not so boring now, am I?
Jade: Alright, Vega, I'm gonna pull this car over and-
Cat: You guys! I'm not gonna sit here and listen to the two of you fight for the next two hours!"
— Victorious, "Car, Rain, & Fire"
Listen, I've been married to Ava Morgenstern for forty-three years...
— Auggie Matthews (age 6), Girl Meets World
Turk: When Sam gets older I teach him about sports and stuff, and you're in charge of Izzy's emotional crap. We agreed, that's how we'd raise our kids.
J.D.: "Our kids?" Turk, we're not married.
Turk: Dude, we're a little married.
J.D.: I know, I love it.
J.D.: "Our kids?" Turk, we're not married.
Turk: Dude, we're a little married.
J.D.: I know, I love it.
— Scrubs
Don't play coy with me, Captain. I witnessed your little spat with Vash. Nor will I soon forget the look of anguish on your face, the pain, the misery. If I didn't know better, I would have thought you were already married!
— Q, Star Trek: The Next Generation, "Qpid"
Secretary: (on phone) Assistant Director Skinner's office... Oh, I'm sorry, he's about to go into a meeting. Yes, it may last several hours.
Scully: (minor Oh, Crap!)
Secretary: You're welcome.
Scully: (whispering while fussing with Mulder's tie) Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.note
Mulder: Would you stop that?
Scully: Couldn't hurt.
Mulder: Just stop it!
(Skinner opens his door and sticks his head out, making the others jump)
Skinner: Scully, Mulder...
Mulder: I was drugged!
Scully: (minor Oh, Crap!)
Secretary: You're welcome.
Scully: (whispering while fussing with Mulder's tie) Mulder, please just keep reminding him you were drugged.note
Mulder: Would you stop that?
Scully: Couldn't hurt.
Mulder: Just stop it!
(Skinner opens his door and sticks his head out, making the others jump)
Skinner: Scully, Mulder...
Mulder: I was drugged!
Video Games
Guard: These two bicker on like an old married couple.
Male Scientist: We are an old married couple!
Female Scientist: Who are you calling old!?!
Male Scientist: We are an old married couple!
Female Scientist: Who are you calling old!?!
Cabot: Don't worry, [Abe and Parnell] are friends.
Caira: Friends? I thought they were married.
Caira: Friends? I thought they were married.
— Evolve
Visual Novels
Hinae: Hmm, you know, I've been thinking for a while now that you two are kinda like-
Takuru: Mmm?
Nono: What?
Hinae: Like a husband and wife.
Everyone Else: Huh?! What?!
Hinae: Like, a loser husband who's always worried that his scary wife is gonna be mad at him.
Nono: Who are you calling a scary wife?
Takuru: Mmm?
Nono: What?
Hinae: Like a husband and wife.
Everyone Else: Huh?! What?!
Hinae: Like, a loser husband who's always worried that his scary wife is gonna be mad at him.
Nono: Who are you calling a scary wife?
Web Original
Juice: kind of an interesting relationship dynamic between these two. be honest with you, i’ve never seen a happier couple. they just get in their little things sometimes
i think honestly since they’ve got such a solid foundation to their relationship they actually have the time and energy left over to argue about the little things.
[…]
Ten: I think every relationship has to have at least some of that, though. It’s like a … it’s kind of like a clutch in a transmission, right? It has to be rough so it has something it can actually grip onto. That friction is the only way anything changes.
Juice: that analogy sucks
Ten: Oh come on, it’s not that bad.
Juice: eh it kinda sucks
Ten: Well I mean, that’s us right? That’s our relationship. I think a third of all my interaction with you is accounted for by arguing.
Juice: we ain’t married though lady
Ten: Ohhh ho ho. And thank God for that.
i think honestly since they’ve got such a solid foundation to their relationship they actually have the time and energy left over to argue about the little things.
[…]
Ten: I think every relationship has to have at least some of that, though. It’s like a … it’s kind of like a clutch in a transmission, right? It has to be rough so it has something it can actually grip onto. That friction is the only way anything changes.
Juice: that analogy sucks
Ten: Oh come on, it’s not that bad.
Juice: eh it kinda sucks
Ten: Well I mean, that’s us right? That’s our relationship. I think a third of all my interaction with you is accounted for by arguing.
Juice: we ain’t married though lady
Ten: Ohhh ho ho. And thank God for that.
— 20020, Chapter 1
Snape: Listen to you, quarreling like an old married couple.
Sirius/Lupin shippers: YAY!
Sirius/Lupin shippers: YAY!
— Cleolinda's Movies in 15 Minutes: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Fox: Dude, what the hell got up your ass?
Falco: Don't. Talk to me. About having stuff. Up my ASS! Okay?!
Fox: WHAT?!
Peppy: Ah, pipe down already! Y'all sound like an old married couple!
Falco: Yeah, gee wiz, he fucking wishes.
Fox: God... You're such a prick!
Falco: Oh, good, then bite me!
Falco: Don't. Talk to me. About having stuff. Up my ASS! Okay?!
Fox: WHAT?!
Peppy: Ah, pipe down already! Y'all sound like an old married couple!
Falco: Yeah, gee wiz, he fucking wishes.
Fox: God... You're such a prick!
Falco: Oh, good, then bite me!
Tucker: I'm still picking up the Reds' transmissions from when we broadcast that Lopez song. There's a lot of chatter.
Church: Well, are you at least getting any useful information?
Tucker: Nah, it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?
Church: Well, are you at least getting any useful information?
Tucker: Nah, it's just the same two guys bickering like an old married couple. I've only been listening for like five minutes and I can already tell they're really in love. Why can't they see it?
Western Animation
Kid Flash: So I'm your ninja boyfriend, huh?
Artemis: Hey, I had amnesia. Remember? I completely forgot how truly annoying you are.
Kid Flash: Oh, and you're the goddess of congeniality.
Robin: Sheesh, Get a Room!.
Artemis: Hey, I had amnesia. Remember? I completely forgot how truly annoying you are.
Kid Flash: Oh, and you're the goddess of congeniality.
Robin: Sheesh, Get a Room!.
