Cleolinda Jones
is the author of Movies in 15 Minutes, which began as a series of Internet parodies and eventually led to a book. The parodies frequently engage in Lampshade Hanging or subverting common tropes. She is also known for her recaps of the Twilight books and the popular Mega Crossover series, The Secret Life of Dolls, which can be found online.
Tropes pointed out or parodied in Movies in 15 Minutes or other writings in her LiveJournal:
- Actor Allusion: Snape to Peter Pettigrew, with Bellatrix present: "Begone, Wormtail! Go fetch us a meat pie or something."
- All Girls Want Bad Boys: Discussed in one of her Twilight recaps.
- All Women Are Lustful: During Troy in Fifteen Minutes:The Greeks climb out of the horse, affording the ladies in the audience a spectacular view.WOMEN IN AUDIENCE: *wolf whistle SQUEEEE throw dollar bills at screen*
- The Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes portrays Christine this way, having her all but pounce on Erik and even complaining Aren't You Going to Ravish Me?
- Autobots, Rock Out!: 300's "Guitars Of War".
- The Elevator from Ipanema: Happens in Avengers in Fifteen Minutes, in Black Widow's intro scene, where Agent Coulson is put on hold (and listens to "The Girl from Ipanema") while Black Widow kicks her "interrogators'" butts.
- Emo Teen: The Phantom is portrayed as this, with a bit of Jerkass thrown in for good measure.
- Everyone Has Standards: In her The Day After Tomorrow commentary, when learning that the ocean is suffering from rapid desalinization (loss of salt), she suggests resalinizing it... by dumping the world's table salt reserves into the ocean (but, y'know, make it sciencey). The response she gets is "Ma'am, that idea is too stupid even for this movie".
- Female Gaze: She points out that, despite Twilight commonly being perceived as sexist towards women, it's the male characters who wear revealing outfits. "Bell's goods" are always concealed behind several layers of clothing.
- Fox-Chicken-Grain Puzzle: One of her Twilight descriptions references it:Yeah, it's like, Bella wants to be a vampire but she doesn't want to be a vampire before she's had sex as a human, and Edward doesn't want her to be a vampire but he wants to get married, but Bella doesn't want to get married unless she can be a vampire, but Edward won't have sex with her until they get married, and then you put the fox and the grain in the boat and you leave the goose back on the riverbank.
- A Good Name for a Rock Band: From her commentary on Midnight Sun (2020) (The Twilight Saga):"HER 'OUTRAGEOUS FLAVOR' IS MAKING HIM LOSE CONTROL!... Whoever it is, Outrageous Flavor is totally opening their next concert.""'It was odd how endearing her anger was. Like a furious kitten, soft and harmless, and so unaware of her own vulnerability.' I'm going to pass over the obligatory Those Wimmins Sure Are Cute When They're Mad criticism and simply note that Furious Kitten is going on tour next summer with Outrageous Flavor."
- Guilty Pleasure: Cleo describes The Twilight Saga as this, with a metaphor:A lot of people are really passionate about these books. Some of them love and defend them passionately; others... well. I'm not going to defend them any more than I'm going to defend Twinkies—you go and get yourself a Twinkie when you have a very specific kind of craving
SUGARRRRR!. If you want gourmet pastry, or even a homemade cake, you know where to get that. If you're eating a Twinkie, you clearly know what you want and why you're eating it, and you know that it's not good to eat very many of them, but... you know... sometimes you just want one.And then when you're done you read it all over again.Apparently there are people who think that Twinkies count as fine dining, but... well, live and let live, I guess.- Of course, during her summary of New Moon:Where are my lulz? My sparkly, sparkly lulz? MY TWINKIE HAS GONE BAD. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT.
- Of course, during her summary of New Moon:
- Hollywood Homely: Cleo makes fun of how the 2004 The Phantom of the Opera movie gives Erik what she calls a "Sunburn O' Doom" and treats it like it was a hideous deformity.
- Just Between You and Me: Voldemort in Goblet Of Fire in Fifteen Minutes:Voldemort: I'm going to kill you, Harry Potter. Just as soon as I finish this monologue. Any day now.
- Lampshade Hanging: The Dementors in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban weren't really given much of a description beyond 'hooded and cloaked'. The movie, of course, basically turned them into flying ringwraiths, and Cleo ran with it.SCARY SHRIVELED HAND: *pulls open door*
DEMENTOR: SHIIIIIRE…. BAAAAAGGINS…. - Littlest Cancer Patient (Trope Namer)
- Manly Tears: "Raoul, how come *you* never cry when I kiss you?"
- Mr. Fanservice: In her The Day After Tomorrow commentary, she can't mention Sam without also mentioning how studly he is. To be fair, he's being played by a young Jake Gyllenhaal.
- "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer: Frequent in her Twilight recaps. As she says
in the beginning of her Breaking Dawn recap, "Hand to God, I did not make one word of that up. Twilight means never having to say you're kidding."- And again with The Happening, in response to the line "it may be an act of God which we may never fully understand".
- One-Woman Wail: She refers to it as "Our Lady of Soundtrack Sorrow".
- Overly Narrow Superlative: She describes The Twilight Saga as "the best series starting with a teenage girl in love with a mysterious boy in her class that ended up with a teenage girl defending her growth-accelerated mutant hybrid baby from an ancient clan of evil vampires with her magical psychic shield that I ever read."
- Pass the Popcorn: During her recap of Breaking Dawn, when they near the part where Bella realizes that Jacob has imprinted on her infant daughter:"Excuse me, I have to go make some popcorn, I'll be right back. [...] Okay, I'm back. Om nom nom."
- Retirony: King Arthur lampshades it in King Arthur in Fifteen Minutes ("Awww, dude! Look what you went and did! Now you're totally going to have to die, so we can dispose of your body in that precise manner. It's like, a rule.") and given a Call-Back-slash-Actor Allusion in Clash of the Titans in Fifteen Minutes ("But it is not my time to meet her yet. Unless it is, in which case I intend to go down smiling like a badass." "Well now that you've SAID THAT, it is! Didn't you learn anything from Lancelot?")
- Rousing Speech
- Running Gag: Most of her Movies in 15 Minutes will have a running joke throughout the entry. Example of a series-wide one that can be found in her Harry Potter series: (This scene has been cut for time.)
- Suspiciously Specific Denial:
- "Lecter is giving his final Please Hire Me, I'm Totally Not a Fugitive Cannibal presentation."
- From Troy:
Odysseus: Hey, man, what up?
Achilles: Nothin' much [dodge, parry, stab]. Just teaching Patroclus [dodge, parry, dodge] to fight [stab].
Odysseus: Lookin' good there, kid. What is he, your—
Achilles: Cousin. He's my cousin. Cousin. Totally my cousin. In conclusion: Cousin. - This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: "QED, BITCHES."
- Your Other Left: in The Matrix. ("Go forward! No, your other forward!!")
