Quotes / I Call It "Vera"

[Jayne walks menacingly towards Mal with a large gun.]
Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time. And the best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger, double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.
[He holds the gun out to Mal.]
Mal: [exclaims in Chinese] You offering me a trade?
Jayne: A trade? Hell, it's theft. This is the best gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy 'n what you got!
Mal: What I got? She has a name.
Jayne: So does this. I call it Vera.
Mal: Well, my days of not takin' ya seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.

— Firefly, "Our Mrs. Reynolds"

Xander: Yeah, great knife. Although I think it may technically be a sword.
Jack: She's called Katie.
Xander: You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you.

— Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Zeppo"

"I stole her off the toughest kid I ever messed with back in school. He was dead at the time, so he didn't miss her. I call her Gladys after one of the sisters from school. She's almost lived up to the name."

— Marv, describing his favorite .45, Sin City

Tip: Sorry, I've been rude. Unity? Sweetheart? I'd like you to meet Alice. Alice is a .38 Colt Commando service revolver. A classic.
Sweetheart: What are you?
Tip: I'm a psychologist.

— Skin Horse, "Dead Dogs"

Zimmerman: You killed Dragons...
Sarge: Oh yeah, we even barbecued a few of those puppies! (Motions to Churchs' new Sniper Rifle) Hehe, good thing that Hellspitter came with a flamethrower mode! Deep fried flying iguana, mmmm.
Church: I hate that I love that name.

—GATE: Thus The Blood Gulchers Kicked Ass Here

Ramund took his great knife,
the one called Dear Dimling.
He took the emperor's life,
and his head flew fifteen miles

— Ramund hin Unge by Týr

I'd better give my new best friend a good name. I've got it, you're Donner.

— Hajime Nagumo, Arifureta: From Commonplace to World's Strongest

"Tonight... you pukes will sleep with your rifles! You will give your rifle a girl's name! Because this is the only pussy you people are going to get! Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece, this weapon of iron and wood! And you will be faithful!"

— Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Full Metal Jacket

"Oh my God. Who touched Sasha? All right... Who touched my gun?!"

— Heavy, Meet the Heavy

Wheeljack: It's set and ready to go.
Roadbuster: I love it.
Wheeljack: It was never designed to be removed from the Trion so the power relay is bound to fry in seconds. You'll only have a few shots, so make them count.
Roadbuster: Do you think we should give it a name? I think we should give it a name...

— The Transformers: All Hail Megatron

"I know, but I already used Pointy and Stabby for my daggers, Slicey doesn’t roll off the tongue quite as well, Impaley just sounds stupid, and I think we can forget about Slashy without going into too much detail."

— Agent Foxglove, in The Official Fanfiction University of Redwall, when told Choppy was a bad name for a dueling saber, which isn't a chopping weapon.

"Hey! Winona has been very reliable. It's not her fault that she jammed."

— John Crichton, Farscape, "A Clockwork Nebari"

"Hiroshima-kun was an awesome name, I like personifying things I use to kill people, that's just me."

— ARSENAL

"I will give you a name, and I shall call you Sting."

— Bilbo Baggins, The Hobbit

Fenris: So who is "Bianca"?
Varric: My crossbow. Say hello, Bianca.
Fenris: But why Bianca? You must have named her after someone.
Varric: Nope. Mirabelle was taken.

— Dragon Age II

"But without a name, your weapon will forever remain some mundane object!"

— Owain, Fire Emblem: Awakening

Arya: He's still got it. My sword. Needle.
Sandor: Needle. Of course you named your sword.
Arya: Lots of people name their swords.
Sandor: Lots of cunts.

— Game of Thrones, "Two Swords"

"I bring Home Run (did I mention that I gave my bat a traditional Equestrian name? He’s earned it) down with all my might. ... Score to beat? Fifty-three changelings."

— Twilight Sparkle, Hard Reset (Eakin)

Three: It's Bubba Time.
One: Who's Bubba?
Three: This is Bubba. (charges BFG) What, you don't name your guns?
One: No.
Three: Oh, well this is Bubba....(draws and twirls pistol) This is Lulu, other one's Pip.
One: What do you name the knife you keep in your boot?
Three: I don't name the knife in my boot! What do you think I am, psycho?

— Dark Matter (2015)

Black: Hey, Guy! Let my baby Betty throw you a kiss!
Guy Kazama: You're some weirdo, naming your helicopter!

— Last Alert

Aloy: "The Voice of Our Teeth?" Your bow has a name?
Nil: Yours doesn't?
[later...]
Aloy: So what's your knife called?
Nil: Why would someone name a knife?
Aloy: So much for small talk.

— Horizon Zero Dawn

Megaera: What happened to your weapon, Zagreus? I sensed its power long before you turned up. That isn't just some Daedalus enchantment on it.
Zagreus: Oh, Stygius and I have been getting much more closely acquainted lately, Meg. Would you care to see the fruits of our healthy symbiotic relationship?
Megaera: You, in a healthy relationship? Why yes, then this I have to see.

— Hades

Smuggler: This wookiee's all I need to finish you off.
Corso: And me. And my blaster. I call her Sparky.
Zank Herlott: There's something unwholesome about a man who names his weapons.

— Star Wars: The Old Republic

Molly: Tooey and I are watching Timmy. Who's Timmy? That's what Tooey named that tripod in the middle of the river.

— Molly of Denali, "The Qyah Ice Classic"

I've made a weapon of sorts. Pencils and rulers and tape and twine. I've taken to calling it "Barb". It's crude.

— One of Miss Delight's notes, Poppy Playtime Chapter 3

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