I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start a-meltin' away
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay
I gotta sing and dance when I glance in my pants
And the feeling's like a sunshiney day
I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis
And everything is goin' my way
And my troubles start a-meltin' away
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are comin' to stay
I gotta sing and dance when I glance in my pants
And the feeling's like a sunshiney day
I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis
And everything is goin' my way
—Da Vinci's Notebook, Enormous Penis
"Take about five dozen eggs, start putting them in a bowl, mix the FUCK out of them and what do you get? PENIS!"
— Awesome Series, "Awesome Man"
"You hear those dick pill ads, and they’re all like, 'If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult a doctor.' It should read: 'If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult a bunch of sexy ladies and high-five your penis!'
You ever read mythology? Look back at those old gods and you’ll see ‘em sporting dangerous, unholy wood. Their cocks are basically baseball bats studded with thorns and snaked with vines and tipped with antlers—it’s erectile divinity. We could all only aspire to have that in real life.
Well, in the World of Darkness, you can. You can be a werewolf with a giant mythic erection. You can be a vampire with a majestic pale pillar of undead man-meat. You can be a Promethean with a hundred turgid wangs stitched together to create an uber-wang crackling with nascent electricity.
Your tumescence is legendary."
You ever read mythology? Look back at those old gods and you’ll see ‘em sporting dangerous, unholy wood. Their cocks are basically baseball bats studded with thorns and snaked with vines and tipped with antlers—it’s erectile divinity. We could all only aspire to have that in real life.
Well, in the World of Darkness, you can. You can be a werewolf with a giant mythic erection. You can be a vampire with a majestic pale pillar of undead man-meat. You can be a Promethean with a hundred turgid wangs stitched together to create an uber-wang crackling with nascent electricity.
Your tumescence is legendary."
—World of Darkness, Dudes of Legend
"Even you won't be able to beat off this magnificent schlong."
—The Terminal Guardian, Shin Megami Tensei IV, as he summons Mara
When Oedipus appeared at London’s National Theatre in 1968, the set was decorated by a gigantic golden phallus 30 feet high. Actress Carol Browne saw it and commented, “Well it’s no-one I know.” Another giant phallus (beige this time) was used in a 1979 production of Aristophanes’ Lysistrata staged in Cambridge, Massachusetts USA. Mid-way through the opening performance the wires supporting the phallus gave way and, as if in a symbolic gesture, it fell right across the stage knocking the leading lady to the ground.
From Great Theatrical Disasters by Glyes Brandret.
Tary is examining a naked portrait of Grog that his Robot Buddy Doty drew:
Tary: Doty, [Pike] said realism.
* Doty nods*
Tary: Really?
* Doty nods again*
Tary: How does he walk?
Percy: With confidence and pride.
Tary: Doty, [Pike] said realism.
* Doty nods*
Tary: Really?
* Doty nods again*
Tary: How does he walk?
Percy: With confidence and pride.
Jerry: Okay, so now you're sure that everything is okay, you know, down there?
Dr. Harris: You're perfectly healthy. (cutaway) That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps. Forgot to look. I was distracted. By the largest penis I have ever seen.
Dr. Harris: You're perfectly healthy. (cutaway) That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps. Forgot to look. I was distracted. By the largest penis I have ever seen.
Lois: What's wrong, honey?
Peter: I'll tell you what's wrong: I'm trying to make love to you and you're thinking about Chris!
Lois: Peter, i-is there something you need to tell me?
Peter: Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang!
Lois: Thanks to me?
Peter: Well, he didn't get it from me!
Lois: What are you talking about?!
Peter: I'll show you.
(they go into Chris' room while he's asleep)
Peter: Alright, stand back, Lois. (lifts up the covers)
Lois: Oh my. Well, no wonder he's always slouching.
Peter: How the hell did this happen? I'm supposed to be the man of the house! You must be so ashamed of me.
Lois: Oh, Peter, I care as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter: OH MY GOD!
—Family Guy, "And the Wiener Is..."
"It appears that Proton broke out of his cell using the hardest substance in the universe...his penis! Then he clubbed the sentries unconscious with his enormous donger, blocked the entrance to the guard quarters with heavy furniture, and used his jockstrap as an improvised catapult to fling himself over the prison walls and into the Golden Jungle."
— Captain Proton and the Planet of Lesbians
Krillin: I'm surprised you knew I'd be here.
Android 18: Seemed like the obvious pick.
Krillin: True! So, um... What can I do you for?
Android 18: I made a promise to myself, and I'm gonna keep it.
Krillin: Wanna see a movie, or...?
Android 18: Dude. Drop your pants.
Krillin: Oh, OH! O-Okay! But, um, j-j-just a heads up. I'm a grower.
(sound of unzipping, followed by a loud "THUMP" sound)
Android 18: Oh. My. GOD.
Krillin: What?
Android 18: Get on the bed.
Krillin: YES, MA'AM!
(The Krillin Owned Count drops by one and keeps dropping)
—Dragon Ball Z Abridged episode 60
There was a young man from East Kent
Whose tool was so long that it bent.
To save her the trouble
He folded it double
and instead of coming, he went.
Whose tool was so long that it bent.
To save her the trouble
He folded it double
and instead of coming, he went.
— Limerick
My dick so big, it needs its own
My dick so big, it lives next door
My dick so big, that all I want
Is fuck the world (is fuck the world)
My dick so big, it touches the sky
I check it as luggage when I fly
My dick so big, it's behind you
It follows you, it follows you
My dick so big, it lives next door
My dick so big, that all I want
Is fuck the world (is fuck the world)
My dick so big, it touches the sky
I check it as luggage when I fly
My dick so big, it's behind you
It follows you, it follows you
— Little Big, "Big Dick"
Izzy: Noah, you're hung like an elephant seal. I could give birth right now and not notice.
Noah: I didn't ask to be born like this.
Noah: I didn't ask to be born like this.
As we all know, the size of a man's manhood is generally in proportion to his shoe size, and inversely proportional to the size of his vehicle. Clowns have riduculously large shoes and ridiculously tiny cars, hence the need for baggy pants.
"Ridiculously" is the key word, though. Clown shoes and clown cars are not practical. A "clown penis", therefore, is a penis that may be esthetically pleasing, but is too large or unwieldy to be of any practical use.
"Ridiculously" is the key word, though. Clown shoes and clown cars are not practical. A "clown penis", therefore, is a penis that may be esthetically pleasing, but is too large or unwieldy to be of any practical use.
Nobody's dick's that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. Hence, the name.
— Rose of Sharon Cassidy, Fallout: New Vegas
There was an old man from Nantucket
whose dick was so long he could suck it.
While wiping his chin
He said with a grin
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
whose dick was so long he could suck it.
While wiping his chin
He said with a grin
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."
— Limerick
Twelve-foot what?!
— Agent Steven Fontwell, Protectors of the Plot Continuum, "How Will I Clean My Fur?"
"Goddamn. Brother's got a love sausage."
— Mother's Milk, on Love Sausage, The Boys (2019)
IT COULD GET ON DISNEYLAND ATTRACTIONS BY ITSELF.
—This
Livejournal thread, discussing a Harry Potter fanfic in which Draco Malfoy inexplicably had a 42-inch penis
Livejournal thread, discussing a Harry Potter fanfic in which Draco Malfoy inexplicably had a 42-inch penisTucker: Also can we talk about that thing's dong?
Wash: What?
Church: Yeah, I echo that sentiment. What the actual fuck, Tucker?
Tucker: Well, it was on top of me and it kept like smacking against my armor—it's fucking huge! I mean, look at it!
Wash: [briefly glances before shaking his head] Absolutely not! This conversation is ending now.
Church: [staring] Fuck, glad Tex isn't here to see this.
Wash: What?
Church: Yeah, I echo that sentiment. What the actual fuck, Tucker?
Tucker: Well, it was on top of me and it kept like smacking against my armor—it's fucking huge! I mean, look at it!
Wash: [briefly glances before shaking his head] Absolutely not! This conversation is ending now.
Church: [staring] Fuck, glad Tex isn't here to see this.
Without a word, part of the holographic screen changed. Now it showed a view evidently from the nose of an aerial pursuer. A purple worm-like creature was floating over the ocean, with two bright pink appendages trailing from what appeared to be its arms. Its head was what drew Shinji's attention. Pink and bulbous, it looked like...
"Is this a joke?" Misato muttered, unamused. "Did some fraternity stunt get loose? That looks exactly like a-"
"It's definitely an Angel," Ritsuko interrupted. "The phallic appearance is likely entirely coincidental."
"Is this a joke?" Misato muttered, unamused. "Did some fraternity stunt get loose? That looks exactly like a-"
"It's definitely an Angel," Ritsuko interrupted. "The phallic appearance is likely entirely coincidental."
On this day, Kiri had the terror of running from something bigger and stronger than him beaten into his brain. He fled because of his weakness, but, as he ran, he began to think. He realized that strength came from standing one's ground. Continuing to face the opponent, no matter how mighty he may be. He saw that strength in his father. He then thought of his sister, who would be facing down this beast in the near future, and in him arose a deep sense of respect.
