"If we get out of here, I swear I'll never drink whiskey again... Let's say a hundred... no, fifty... Three days, that's a promise."
— Captain Haddock, Tintin
This is a line in the form "I swear if X, I'll Y". This is not The Promise, as it is frequently a throwaway line, or may very well go uncompleted. It also has a formulaic conditional element that is not typical of The Promise. X is most commonly worded as "If I/we survive this" or "If this crazy shit works out", and Y is frequently "I'll kill you!" though almost anything can go in either space.
Related to Deal with the Devil. Might end up Tempting Fate. Compare If We Get Through This…
Examples:
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Anime and Manga
- In the first episode of After War Gundam X, while sneaking around a landship, Garrod finds a mecha control stick and decides to sell it later. Further on in that episode, he finds the titular Gundam, but it's missing a stick. Deciding to give it a shot, he says "If this works I'll believe in God!" It does, and he immediately turns to his companion and enthuses "Tiffa, I believe in God!"
- In Attack on Titan, Ymir only half-jokingly asks Christa, if they both survive a particular operation, to marry her.
- In the final episode of Kill la Kill, when Ryuko is about to go fight the Final Battle (in space), Mako asks her to go on a date when she comes back.
- In Full Metal Panic! novel "Come Make My Day", when Kaname is being taken away, she finally manages to confess her love for Sosuke and says "When we get back together, let's kiss, okay?" They make good on the promise at the very end of the series, to the cheers of their friends and classmates.
Comic Book
- In the Tintin story, "Flight 714", while Tintin and his friends are prisoners from Rastapopoulos, Haddock promises to himself to stop drinking for a while if they get out of here, then keeps correcting himself by promising a shorter time period of sobriety.
Films — Animated
- Anastasia: "If we live through this, remind me to thank you."
Films — Live-Action
- The Last Boy Scout: "I swear to Christ that if I survive this fucking case I'm gonna dance a jig." (he does)
- The Crow (1994), Sergeant Albrecht. Suddenly finding the taste of cigarettes disgusting after being shot, he mutters, "I'm quitting as of now. If I live." This is also a callback to Draven, a walking dead man, chuckling after stealing Albrecht's cigarette, that "You shouldn't smoke these. They'll kill ya."
- Kaylee and Simon in Serenity during a massive Reaver attack:
Simon: In all that time on the ship... I've always regretted... not being with you.Kaylee: With me? You mean to say... as in... sex?Simon: I mean to say.Kaylee: To Hell with this. Dramatic Gun Cock I'm gonna live!
- North By Northwest has Thornhill promise to Eve that if they survive the final confrontation on Mount Rushmore, they'd go back to New York on the train.
- Played with in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey: when Bill and Ted are in Hell Ted says if they get out of this alive then Bill gets his Megadeth collection. When Bill reminds him that they're already dead, he replies "They're yours, dude."
- Played for Laughs in Rush Hour 3, where during a haphazard, daring escape involving an Improvised Parachute, Carter blurts out to Lee "I'm gonna kill you if we don't die!".
- Jack Colton's line in The Jewel of the Nile: "If we ever get out of this alive, I'm gonna kill ya!"
Literature
- Harry Potter:
- In Order of the Phoenix, just before his trial Harry promises himself that he'll donate 10 galleons by putting it in a fountain if he gets acquitted. He ends up emptying his entire moneybag into it.
- In Deathly Hallows, we get Ron going "If we die for them, I'll kill you, Harry!", when Harry is trying to save Draco Malfoy and Goyle from a burning room.
- In the entire Twilight series, Garrett (a minor, almost throwaway character) tells Kate, (another minor, almost throwaway character), "If we make it through this, I'll follow you anywhere, woman."
- In Dorothy L. Sayers' Busman's Honeymoon, the Dowager Duchess reveals how Bunter came to work for Lord Peter Wimsey: during World War I, when they were in a tight spot together, Lord Peter had said he would hire Bunter if they got out of the war. This meant that Bunter showed up when Lord Peter was suffering from severe shell shock and took over.
- Played with in the Star Wars Legends novel Vision of the Future. Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade are in mortal peril when he asks her to marry him. "You mean if we get out of here alive?" she says. "No, I mean regardless." "...Yes. I will."
- Jake asks Cassie to marry him near the end of the Animorphs series if they survive. They did, but things still didn't work out.
- In ColSec Rebellion, Heleth promises to make Jeko regret his insinuation that she was chubby when they met if they survive the upcoming battle.
- Red Storm Rising: A US Air Force officer trapped behind enemy lines in Iceland, heartily sick of hiking up a series of ridiculously steep hills to evade Russian occupation forces, semi-jokingly promises himself that if he gets home in one piece he's going to move to Nebraskanote and buy a bungalow. We never do get to find out if he follows through.
- Jean de La Fontaine's "Jupiter and the Passenger" has a man promise to sacrifice a hundred oxen to Jupiter if he'll calm a stormy sea. He doesn't even own a single one, but burns some ox bones once he reaches the shore. Jupiter sends the man a dream about where to find Buried Treasure, but on his way to dig it up, he runs into a band of thieves, and when he tells them about the buried gold, they think he's lying and kill him.
Live-Action TV
- In an episode of The Golden Girls Blanche makes a deal with God to have less sex if Rose survives her heart attack.
- Similarly, in an episode of Cheers, Sam swears to God that if a pregnant ex-lover's baby isn't his, that he'll never have sex again (which he almost immediately cuts down to a couple of months or so). When Sam gets what he wanted, however, Carla warns him of the consequences of reneging.
- In a late episode of Get Smart, Max and 99 are caught in a death trap with no apparent means of escape. Thinking they are about to die, Max realizes that he's in love with 99 and declares that if they could get out he'd marry her. She immediately thinks of a way to escape and they get married a few episodes later.
- Supernatural:
- In the episode "Jus in Bello," after Dean refuses to participate in a virgin sacrifice, the virgin in question (Nancy) says, "If we survive this, I'm gonna have a whole lot of sex." Then she looks at the deputy next to her and says, "But not with you." Unfortunately, she never really gets the chance, since Lilith kills her and everyone else pretty quickly.
- In Season 8, Meg tells Castiel that if they survive infiltrating a crypt, they're going to order a pizza and move some furniture around.
- There's an entire episode of Taxi ("Louie Sees the Light") dedicated to this one, where Louie makes a promise to be the best person that he can be if he survives surgery. It's almost a deconstruction.
- In the NCIS episode "Light Sleeper," when Tony and Ziva both insist on staying while a bomb is disarmed rather than escaping to safety as ordered, Gibbs tells them, "If we survive this, you are both fired." (They do, and they're not.)
- In one of the last episodes of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Hercules and Iolaus agree to retire if they survive the current encounter with an angry Hera. Later they do retire... for about one minute, then realize how utterly boring retirement is and go back to being superheroes.
- In Chinese Paladin, whenever Ah Nu and Tang Yu get caught up in a Death Trap (as happens surprisingly often), Ah Nu promises to marry him if they get out of there, generally resulting in The Power of Love getting them out of there. At no point in the series do they actually get married.
- Bones: In "Aliens on a Spaceship", serial killer Gravedigger buried Brennan and Hodgins alive in a car. Uncertain that they would survive, they both wrote farewell letters before embarking on a desperate survival plan. Seven years later, we learn that Brennan wrote her letter to Booth, and she finally reads it to him in her wedding vows when she and Booth finally get married.
" 'Dear Agent Booth, you are a confusing man. You are irrational and impulsive, superstitious and exasperating. You believe in ghosts and maybe even Santa Claus and because of you, I've started to see the universe differently. How is it possible that simply looking into your fine face gives me such joy? Why does it make me so happy that every time I try to sneak a peek at you, you're already looking at me. Like you, it makes no sense, and like you, it feels right. If I ever get out of here, I will find a time and place to tell you that you make my life messy and confusing and unfocused and irrational and wonderful.' This is that time, this is that place."
Music
- From the song "Band on the Run" by Wings: "If we ever get out of here / Thought of givin' it all away / To a Registered Charity / All I need is a pint a day / If we ever get out of here / If we ever get out of here."
Theatre
- In The SpongeBob Musical, when Pearl announces that she'll run away with the band performing at the apocalypse benefit concert:
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, if we survive this, you're grounded. (beat) I know that sounds cold-blooded, but that's what I am.
Video Games
- Wrex gets a classic in Mass Effect: "If we die in here, I'll kill him!" ("him" being Joker, the pilot).
- Mass Effect 2 has Jack's "If I die, I'm haunting you, Shepard." In the third game, she tells one of her biotic students "If you die on me, I will kick your ass!"
- Engineers in Half-Life Opposing Force can say "If we get outta here alive, I'm buying you all a round of beer... hell, I'll buy the whole damn bar!" Of course, considering they are all the same NPC, the odds are poor that any of them made it out alive.
- A particularly moving one from Metal Gear Solid after Sniper Wolf's death.
Otacon: Snake, what was she fighting for? What am I fighting for?! What are you fighting for?!Snake: If we make it through this, I'll tell you.Otacon: Okay, I'll be searching too.
- In World of Warcraft, during the Brawler's Guild fight against "GG Engineering," a team of a gnome (Bo Bobble) and a goblin (Max Megablast) that, due to the relationships between the races, goes about as well as you'd expect, Max makes a reference to this after the pair is reduced to 20% health and puts up a shield for the last time.
Max Megablast: If we survive this, remind me to find a competent partner!
Web Animation
- From Red vs. Blue:
Sarge: If we survive this, I'm gonna kill the both of you...slowly.
Web Comics
- In The Inexplicable Adventures of Bob!, Jean decides that if she ever escapes the Bigfeet, she'll sic a bunch of ''National Geographic'' reporters on them.
Web Video
- Dragon Ball Z Abridged: After seeing Krillin's efforts to keep her safe from Cell, Android 18 thinks to herself that if they both live she'll "rock his four-foot world." She makes good on her promise at the end of the season.
Western Animation
- Danny Phantom: In the final episode, while facing the end of the world, Danny says he wants to discuss their feelings if they make it through this. Sam interrupts him, saying "When" they make it through this. They promptly kiss.
- The Flash in Justice League, "I swear, when I get out of this I'm gonna find you and hurl all over you!"
- In the Family Guy episode, "April In Quahog," Brian promises God that he'll volunteer at a soup kitchen if he survives the oncoming disaster. It turns out to be an April Fool's joke, and Brian has to make good on his vow.
- In the Total Drama World Tour episode "Niagara Brawls", Chris drops the contestants into a river that leads to Niagara Falls. Some of the contestants make such promises if they live. Courtney promises to tutor any brain-dead person who requires it, even Duncan. Duncan promises that he'll forget she said that. Cody promises to let Sierra kiss him ("What? Like we're going to make it."). Sierra then rescues them all solely to kiss Cody.
