When I finally registered that the source of the sound was merely a honking goose, I was relieved. Then...I remembered that most geese are dangerous psychopaths that will become extremely violent for absolutely no reason.
— "Dinosaur (The Goose Story)", Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened
It's a lovely morning in the village, and you are a horrible goose.
I work with a guy from Mexico who doesn't speak a lot of English. A Canadian goose made a nest by one of the paddock gates and hissed at him while he was putting horses out. He comes back to us after and says, "I do not like the cobra chicken."
— @bibliophileq
on Twitter
on Twitter'Geese are honking feathered shitbags.' I agree. I think geese are the stupidest creatures. They're dicks, they smell, they shit everywhere, on baseball fields, and they scream. They just fucking scream while they're flying. Like, I don't see pigeons screaming. Look at this. This is a stupid creature.
— Vinny, Vinesauce
After fourteen years I left the sea, for a life upon a lake
After all the storms I'd seen, I needed a good break
I thought still waters would mean peace for me
But that was a mistake
For the place I chose was bedevilled by a giant, evil drake
A mallard of such malice, twice the size of any man
A bill to give you nightmares and a monsterous wingspan
You cannot hope to fight it, so avoid him if you can
That terrifying waterfoul, the beast beyond the dam
After all the storms I'd seen, I needed a good break
I thought still waters would mean peace for me
But that was a mistake
For the place I chose was bedevilled by a giant, evil drake
A mallard of such malice, twice the size of any man
A bill to give you nightmares and a monsterous wingspan
You cannot hope to fight it, so avoid him if you can
That terrifying waterfoul, the beast beyond the dam
— The Longest Johns, Moby Duck
Ducks? Can fuck off. They’re cute sometimes, but then Lars accidentally read too far into the Wikipedia article once and now he hates ducks for reasons he will not elaborate on.
Geese can also get fucked. More than ducks. Lars would gladly flip off a goose if he wasn’t afraid to lose his fingers. Necky bastards. They hiss and spit and have these weird fucking teeth on their tongues and Lars hates it.
Idiot that he was, he thought maybe swans were the exception.
But this creepy Asgardian swan has been following them for about ten minutes now and Lars is realizing he’s a fucking fool.
Swans are like geese but worse. Because they’re big. Bigger and neckier and even more soulless looking then geese ever were- because at least when a goose got close enough you could see the sheer insanity in their eyes, but swans just have these pitch black holes in their face that have probably met God and laughed.
The next time someone wonders what the fuck ever happened to dinosaurs, just point at a swan.
— Prodigal Suns, chapter 65
Liam: In any case, I'm surprised that you were so much more afraid of a goose than a ghost.
Valerie: That's because geese are insane. They're horrible and have no sense of morals. All they care about is violence and chaos and destruction... And the smell... Oh god the smell... And they have such freaky faces with all those teeth in their beaks and their eyes are so soulless...
Valerie: That's because geese are insane. They're horrible and have no sense of morals. All they care about is violence and chaos and destruction... And the smell... Oh god the smell... And they have such freaky faces with all those teeth in their beaks and their eyes are so soulless...
— Magical Warrior Diamond Heart, Episode 2
