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The one being rescued doesn't get to complain! You just act the part and stand around trembling and say "Oh, save me!"
— Ichigo Kurosaki, Bleach
Fan Works
"I'm grateful, Harry," Hermione said, her voice softer now. "You're being too harsh on yourself, even. Please don't take it so seriously when I'm snarky at you. I don't want to be the sort of girl who comes back from the dead, and then starts complaining about which superpowers she got and that her alicorn fingernails are the wrong shade of pearly white."
Chrono: Captain Chrono Harlaown. Child genius. Completed the TSAB Fleet academy's three-year curriculum in one year. Completed the one-year officer training course in three months. Became an official Enforcer at the age of twelve, the youngest ranked officer of his generation. Made Captain of the flagship Asura at the age of fifteen, also the youngest of his generation. All of that is from my personnel file, you know. It looked very impressive. And now it's going to be joined by "And on his first official mission as a captain, his mommy had to come save him."
Lindy: (patpat) Oh, Chrono. I'm sure it won't use the word "mommy."
Lindy: (patpat) Oh, Chrono. I'm sure it won't use the word "mommy."
— Infinity
Naruto didn't say anything, but he could feel his upper lip curling. Hinata really had saved their butts... so why was her sister being such a brat about it?
— Team8
"I don't know what to say..." Janeway looked up at the two officers floating in the middle of her cabin. "No, that's wrong. I'll begin by thanking you for saving my life, then ask why eight men had to die in exchange. I'll ask why you disobeyed a direct order and risked the lives of every man and woman on board my ship!"
Weiss: What the hell was that? I could've died from that stunt!
Dante: But you didn't. And you were supposed to say "Thank you."
Dante: But you didn't. And you were supposed to say "Thank you."
Film - Animated
Mr. Incredible: HEY! I SAVED YOUR LIFE!
Oliver Sansweet: You didn't save my life! You ruined my death!
Oliver Sansweet: You didn't save my life! You ruined my death!
Shrek: Well, I have to save my ass!
Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
Shrek: One-of-a-kind.
Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
Shrek: One-of-a-kind.
— Shrek
Film - Live-Action
Diaval: What have you done to my beautiful self?
Maleficent: Would you rather I let them beat you to death?
Diaval: ...I'm not certain.
Maleficent: Stop complaining. I saved your life.
Maleficent: Would you rather I let them beat you to death?
Diaval: ...I'm not certain.
Maleficent: Stop complaining. I saved your life.
Han Solo: Can't get out that way!
Princess Leia: It looks like you managed to cut off our only escape route.
Han Solo: Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, Your Highness.
[...]
Leia: This is some rescue! When you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?!
Han: He's the brains, sweetheart!
[...]
Leia: (regarding Chewbacca) Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way?!
Han: No reward is worth this...
Princess Leia: It looks like you managed to cut off our only escape route.
Han Solo: Maybe you'd like it back in your cell, Your Highness.
[...]
Leia: This is some rescue! When you came in here, didn't you have a plan for getting out?!
Han: He's the brains, sweetheart!
[...]
Leia: (regarding Chewbacca) Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way?!
Han: No reward is worth this...
"This is the worst rescue I've ever had."
— April O'Neal, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
"That's the last time you catch me saving your life."
— Igor Sullivan, Cactus Flower (1969 movie version)
Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw: What the hell?
Pete "Maverick" Mitchell: What are you doing here?
Rooster: What am I doing here?
Maverick: You think I took that missile so that you can be down here with me? You should be back on the carrier by now!
Rooster: I saved your life!
Maverick: I saved your life! That's the whole point! What were you thinking?
Rooster: You told me not to think!
(Beat)
Maverick: Well, it's good to see you.
Rooster: It's good to see you too.
Pete "Maverick" Mitchell: What are you doing here?
Rooster: What am I doing here?
Maverick: You think I took that missile so that you can be down here with me? You should be back on the carrier by now!
Rooster: I saved your life!
Maverick: I saved your life! That's the whole point! What were you thinking?
Rooster: You told me not to think!
(Beat)
Maverick: Well, it's good to see you.
Rooster: It's good to see you too.
Literature
"If she were drowning and you threw her a rope, she'd complain if it was the wrong colour...."
Live-Action Television
I resent this. I resent you saving my life in this way.
—Dave Lister, Red Dwarf, "Psirens"
Video Games
Shaundi: (gasping after the Boss catches her in free-fall) I'm not gonna lie, I didn't think you'd make it in time.
The Boss: Are you kidding? I'd never let my girl fa- wait, what is that?!
Shaundi: What is what?!
The Boss: That plane is... okay, don't freak out or anything, but I think that plane is gonna try to ram us.
Shaundi: Whaddya mean "don't freak out?!" You got a plan?!
The Boss: Yeah, I shoot out the window, land in the plane, kill Phillipe, then jump out the back again!
Shaudi: You mean "we," right?!
The Boss: Look, just remember how happy you were when I caught you!
Shaundi: Wait, wha- (The Boss dumps her in freefall again) ASSHOOOLLLEEE—
(The Boss shoots out the window, zips through the plane, kills some Mooks, steals a second parachute, flies out the back, engages in a Free-Fall Fight, and catches Shaundi again)
The Boss: Gotcha!
Shaundi: You're a fucking asshole.
The Boss: Okay, I deserve that.
The Boss: Are you kidding? I'd never let my girl fa- wait, what is that?!
Shaundi: What is what?!
The Boss: That plane is... okay, don't freak out or anything, but I think that plane is gonna try to ram us.
Shaundi: Whaddya mean "don't freak out?!" You got a plan?!
The Boss: Yeah, I shoot out the window, land in the plane, kill Phillipe, then jump out the back again!
Shaudi: You mean "we," right?!
The Boss: Look, just remember how happy you were when I caught you!
Shaundi: Wait, wha- (The Boss dumps her in freefall again) ASSHOOOLLLEEE—
(The Boss shoots out the window, zips through the plane, kills some Mooks, steals a second parachute, flies out the back, engages in a Free-Fall Fight, and catches Shaundi again)
The Boss: Gotcha!
Shaundi: You're a fucking asshole.
The Boss: Okay, I deserve that.
I guess I should be thankful.
— Falco Lombardi, Star Fox 64
Gee, I've been saved by Fox. How swell!
— Falco Lombardi, Star Fox 64
Chloe: Get off the train, Nate.
Nate: What are you talking about? Do you have any idea what I've been through?
Chloe: I never asked for any of your bloody heroics.
Nate: Chloe, come on. We don't have time for this!
Chloe: You're right! So get off the train, while you still can. (starts to leave)
Nate: And leave you with them?
Chloe: (glowers at him) You made your choice.
Nate: (Beat) What did you expect me to do?
Chloe: I expected you to have my back!
Nate: I had your back!
Chloe: How could you possibly with the other two on yours?!
Nate: What are you talking about? Do you have any idea what I've been through?
Chloe: I never asked for any of your bloody heroics.
Nate: Chloe, come on. We don't have time for this!
Chloe: You're right! So get off the train, while you still can. (starts to leave)
Nate: And leave you with them?
Chloe: (glowers at him) You made your choice.
Nate: (Beat) What did you expect me to do?
Chloe: I expected you to have my back!
Nate: I had your back!
Chloe: How could you possibly with the other two on yours?!
Mizuki: (after Date rips the tape off her mouth) That hurt, idiot! Pull it off more gently! You're late, by the way! I was about to suffocate, just so you know! This is so typical! You're never there when you need to be! Just like six months ago! I was about to miss the bus, and you—! (Date puts the tape back on) Mmm!
Date: Actually, stay like that for a while.
Rhade: What took you so long! Incompetent Southern Division... Well, anyway, I appreciate your (ahem) timely rescue.
Web Original
Since saving New York, the Ghostbusters have been sued and lost all their money. Ungrateful shits. Did the fire department get sued after 9/11, as well?
— MikeJ on Ghostbusters II
№ 523. When I'm rescued the correct response is "thank you" not "took your freaking time!"
Webcomics
Maggie: Thanks for White Knighting me, Rev.
Billie: (that's a bad thing)
Rev. Penrose: If it's a choice between you hating me and letting a ballbag like Bob Warren hurt you — then hate away.
Billie: (that's a bad thing)
Rev. Penrose: If it's a choice between you hating me and letting a ballbag like Bob Warren hurt you — then hate away.
Western Animation
The Scotsman's Wife: This rescue STINKS! I've never been so humiliated in me blessed life! I have a dimly old dullard for a husband, with a scrawny tree for a sidekick! I'd be better off savin' meself! UWAH!
Jack: Forgive me.
Wife: Ya almost dropped me ya' gown-wearin' fashion reject!
Jack: Perhaps if we trade places?
Scotsman: Aye
Wife: Oh, that's grand, but does me worm-brained husband care that a stranger can peek up me dress? No, he don't care a spick!
Jack: (turns around) Is that better?
Wife: No, ya' fling-pooed backyard tottie! Walkin' with jolts o' searin' pain coursin' up me leg would be better! Do you think before ya' open your mouth, or does it come out on its own?
Jack: Forgive me.
Wife: Ya almost dropped me ya' gown-wearin' fashion reject!
Jack: Perhaps if we trade places?
Scotsman: Aye
Wife: Oh, that's grand, but does me worm-brained husband care that a stranger can peek up me dress? No, he don't care a spick!
Jack: (turns around) Is that better?
Wife: No, ya' fling-pooed backyard tottie! Walkin' with jolts o' searin' pain coursin' up me leg would be better! Do you think before ya' open your mouth, or does it come out on its own?
— Samurai Jack, "Jack and the Scotsman II"
Amity Blight: (sewn into half of a giant book) Great work, Luzura.
Luz Noceda: (sewn into said book's other half) Hey! I was trying to save you!
Amity Blight: Well, it doesn't matter. We're gonna be stuck together forever.
Luz Noceda: (sewn into said book's other half) Hey! I was trying to save you!
Amity Blight: Well, it doesn't matter. We're gonna be stuck together forever.
— The Owl House, "Lost In Language"
Uh, this is all wrong. Beautiful maidens are supposed to be rescued by handsome heroes, not other beautiful maidens!
— A Gibdo disguised as a human girl, attempting to set a trap for Link but getting Zelda instead in the The Legend of Zelda (1989) cartoon from The Super Mario Bros. Super Show
Red Arrow: Doctor Roquette.
Dr. Roquette: Tell me you're the advance guy...
Red Arrow: The only guy.
Dr. Roquette: You couldn't bring back-up? What—there were budget cuts?
— Young Justice (2010), "Infiltrator"
