Quotes / Bait-and-Switch Comment

Anime and Manga

Shobu: So, would you mind telling us who you are, Mr. Strange Mystery Dueler? I'm guessing by your Evil Laugh that you're a bad guy.
Kokujo: You shouldn't stereotype people that way.
Shobu: You mean you're not a bad guy?
Kokujo: Of course I am.

— Duel Masters

Fan Works

Present Mic: Pony, how can I bear the horror? So many villains I was forced to kill...to protect my students, I had no choice but to use lethal force...
Pony: [pats his back] I'm sure it haunts your nightmares.
Mic: But I didn't kill Dr. Garaki! It's not fair!

— What is Wrong with You?! - An All for One Christmas Carol

Film — Live-Action

"Who are you, a drug-dealer or a banker? 'Cause if you're a banker you can fuck right off!"

—Pub-Goer, The Big Short

"What are you suggesting Ma'am? That I, the King's most loyal and devoted servant should actually plot to do, should stoop to- What kind of accident had you in mind?"

— Thomas Cromwell, Carry On Henry

"As I look 'round my little flock this beautiful day, I cannot help but be struck by the thought that seldom under one roof can there have been gathered such a fine collection... of thieves and fornicators."

— Dick Turpin, Carry On Dick

"Yes, well you can stick it up... over there, by the hedge."

— Major Leep, Carry On Behind

"The first time that [Admiral Lord Nelson] spoke to me... I shall never forget his words. I remember it like it was yesterday. He leaned across the table, he looked me straight in the eye, and he said "Aubrey... may I trouble you for the salt?"

— Captain Jack Aubrey, Master and Commander

Live-Action TV

Michael: It's a torture museum: famous examples of bad behavior and explanations of the torture they earned.
Jason: Is there a gift shop?
Michael: Jason, this is hell. Of course there's a gift shop.

— The Good Place, "Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent"

Gordon Ramsay: Ben. What you've done, and your ambitions, you do seriously surprise me.

Ben: Thank you chef. I was hoping you'd see that. I mean, I give it all I've got. I'll give you 110.

Gordon Ramsay: You surprise me, to how SHIT you are.

— Hell's Kitchen, Season 4.

Professional Wrestling

And Dom, good to meet you. I'm a big fan... of your dad.

— Nick Aldis, WWE SmackDown, October 13, 2023

Sports

"Thirty-six of America's best drivers and thousands of fans have come here for one thing: wine! *heh* And some great racing."

— Commentator Allen Bestwick during NASCAR's Toyota / SaveMart 350 (hosted at Sonoma Raceway, which is in vineyard country)

Video Games

"Way to show those Salmonids who's the boss! It's me. I'm the boss."

— Mr. Grizz after the player clears a Salmon Run shift during a Big Run, Splatoon 3

"Oh, Soldier...! Who will they ever find to replace you? ... ANYONE!"

— Spy, Team Fortress 2

"...Raven, the independent mercenary. You're not the mutt I thought you were. You are below that—you are vermin!"

— V.II Snail, Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon

Webcomics

(Aruka and Yukimi are having a Snowball Fight, until Aruka accidentally beans her in the face with a snowball, causing Yukimi to drop to the ground)
Aruka: Wait wait wait! It wasn't that strong, I was joking...! Are you hurt?!
Yukimi: I can't believe you... (mashes a snowball into Aruka's face) ...fell for that!

— Kiss It Goodbye

"(as Aster's Star Punch-infused glove stopped just short of her face) Good thing the bell rang, huh? (zooms out to show her glove on Aster's face) 'Cause you were about to hit the canvas, Aster!"

— Phoebe, Star Impact, Chapter 2, Page 62

Web Original

"No parenting manual should recommend putting your baby on the back of a dinosaur... is the feedback I got from Harper Collins when I submitted the manuscript for my parenting manual."

—Andy Farrant, 7 Bosses You Killed From The Inside Out, Ew

"Yo. Kid, i know you're only twelve years old, right? You're twelve years old, you're probably thinkin' "Yo, this painting looks very-" ...You're probably twelve years old, you're probably thinking "Yo, this painting looks so good, i can't wait to show IShowSpeed." But, my guy. This painting... is so... fucking... tr- Good, bro! Thankyousomuchforthispaintingbro!"

—IShowSpeed, reacting to fanart

"Y'know, i-i wouldn't even bother saying the line this time. I've already exposed bro's height, i already cooked him enough, i- WHAT ARE THOSE YEEZYS?!"

—Jaylen Civil/Teezzy's Vids, roasting Miraculous Ladybug

"God-damn, i know y'all see Stephanie's... Trash offbrand Nicki Minaj cut she got on the top of her head!"

— MoTheBeast9895, roasting LazyTown with SageTheAkuma

"For over a year, I’ve heard the same complaints about us never inducting something from that "other" promotion. Some have claimed we never will due to some errant notion that we don’t ever see anything wrong there, or that we are on someone’s payroll behind the scenes.

I think today's induction will show that we’re listening to your pleas.

Believe it or not, we are doing our first-ever induction from Stampede Wrestling!

That's called a swerve, kids. Since I do a weekly show with Vince Russo you should expect such things."

—WrestleCrap, "The Helmet Match – Stampede Wrestling is finally inducted!"

Reviews got memed on for describing this game as 'Persona 5 without the heart'. I disagree with this statement. Because... you don't have to compare this story to Persona to see that it has no heart.

—BigKlingy, My Thoughts On Shin Megami Tensei V

Western Animation

Commandant: Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that the State Supreme Court has determined that forcing cadets to cross the Eliminator is a barbaric and malicious practice.
Lisa: Yes!
Commandant: Hence, you will be the last class subjected to it.

— The Simpsons, "The Secret War of Lisa Simpson"

Homer: Wait a minute... There's something bothering me about this place... I know! This lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit! Enjoy your deathtrap, ladies!
Random Lesbian: What was her problem?

— The Simpsons, "Fear of Flying"

Dad: HOLY SMOKES! How did this lab get here?!
(Dexter, in shock, quickly zips to his bedroom)
Dad: Dexter, this lab is unbelievable!
Dexter: Yeah, Dad...I can explain!
Dad: (angrily) Dexter, how long have you kept this lab a secret from me?... (happily) 'Cause I'm just crazy about Labrador Retrievers! They're so nice doggies! Yes they are!
Dexter: (relieved) Oh, yeah... the dog, right. (to himself) Whew!

— Dexter's Laboratory, "Dexter's Lab: A Story"

Mr. Rowley: Got one right here!
Trini: What? No way! Oh mom, he's got the fireweed honey!!!! Can we trade you something for it?
Mr. Rowley: Uh uh.
Trini: Aw…
Mr. Rowley: It's a gift!

— Molly of Denali, "Forget-You-Not"

Luz: It'll be nice to finally see everyone again, after all this time.
Camila: Luz...you saw them last week.
Luz: That doesn't count! I was studying for finals!

— The Owl House, "Watching and Dreaming"

Lord Hater: Did you see my Doom Arena? You should be totally afraid!
Wander: Oh, Hater, I am afraid!... I'm afraid you aren't enjoying your birthday party.

— Wander over Yonder, "The Birthday Boy"

"Ohh. Well, gentlemen. I'm glad to see you is enjoying your little siesta. You is comfortable, ain't you? And is both getting plenty of nice, fresh cream? Well, I'm glad youse is satisfied... 'CAUSE I AIN'T!" (Tom and Butch gasp in horror)

— Mammy Two-Shoes, Tom and Jerry, "A Mouse in the House"

Miscellaneous

"Larry, it's more than a thrill to be here. It's a damn inconvenience."

—Bil Keane, on Larry King's radio show

"We have... not one! Not two! Not three! (Beat) We have three tubs of frosting!"

— Ranboo, "Ranboo bakes a cake"

But I am in therapy to try to work it all out, and I know this is a comedy show, but I have to take a minute to while I'm on stage to just earnestly go to bat for therapy because I've been in therapy for a bit, and I'm finding to be an amazing space to just go and charge my phone. Like if you're someone who's regularly in Manhattan at twelve percent, get your ass into therapy, cause it has saved my life!

—Pat Regan

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