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Anime & Manga
"You don't have to be rude just 'cause I wanna kill ya!"
— Kain Hikaru, Fairy Tail
Comic Books
Emperor Attican: No, that's not the one. Where's the flesh disintegrator?
Klepo: You don't have one.
Emperor Attican: Really?
Klepo: That weapon doesn't exist.
Emperor Attican: I dreamed it?
Klepo: Possibly.
Emperor Attican: Could you make one for me?
Klepo: I could ask.
Emperor Attican: Thank you.
Klepo: You don't have one.
Emperor Attican: Really?
Klepo: That weapon doesn't exist.
Emperor Attican: I dreamed it?
Klepo: Possibly.
Emperor Attican: Could you make one for me?
Klepo: I could ask.
Emperor Attican: Thank you.
Sir William Gull: By the Divine Creator. Mr Merrick, you are the most dreadfully deformed human being I have ever encountered. It is a great privilege to make your acquaintance.
Joseph Merrick: huhuh. Yu nho, wen bhey fhee me, moft peeble fcreem or loff or fubtibes bhey pwetebb I luk perfecky orbinary. Yhur hobbesty ib moft wefweffing.
Sir William Gull: As is your articulacy, sir, though indeed I see you have some difficulty in speaking. Might I examine you more closely?
Fan Fiction
Two ravens appeared from the darkness above them, landing on her shoulder. The hungry look with which they fixed their blood red eyes on him made the half-wight twitch uncomfortably. Hel grinned at him broadly, showing her sharp fangs. "Hugin and Munin are perfectly capable of this task, I should think," she continued, voice still a soft purr.
"Who, the fuck, are you," he ground out slowly, though given the volume of his words he was all but shouting.
"Well, call me a concerned citizen. Now, if you want me to return the items I have taken, along with the one you haven't noticed me taking, you'll meet at the abandoned power station in Brooklyn. The one right off the 278 Interstate. See you there!" I said, cheerily.
"Well, call me a concerned citizen. Now, if you want me to return the items I have taken, along with the one you haven't noticed me taking, you'll meet at the abandoned power station in Brooklyn. The one right off the 278 Interstate. See you there!" I said, cheerily.
Father had warned Draco against people like [Harry Potter], people who could ruin you and still be so likable that it was hard to hate them properly.
You know, this may be stating the obvious, but something really occurred to me while writing this chapter: people in this story, even the ones that are supposed to be on the same side, really don't like each other. If they're not screaming and trying to kill each other, they're being cold and sarcastic. Maybe that's part of the reason why Yuuka is so popular. Sure, she's a psychopathic, child-molesting lunatic, but at least she's nice!
— Author's notes for Chapter 35 of Imperfect Metamorphosis
"I know, I know, my child; the paralysis frightens you. The thought of being vivisected frightens you. I can only ask your forgiveness for leaving you like this... but you needn't fear death. The surgeon may cut you open, but if he finds that you aren't one of Glinda's spies and your mind is untainted by Deviancy, there yet may be a place for you among us. And even if your body is destroyed to uncover the truth, I promise your mind life eternal within the Soul of Paragon. It's the least I can do for you, my poor, beautiful child. Regardless of what the doctor finds, you will always be an innocent to me. After all, no true disciple of Glinda could ever shed a tear for had happened; I doubt even Glinda herself would cry if we were to even meet again... Goodnight, my child. And remember what I told you: everything is going to be alright."
—The Radiant Empress, The Land of What Might-Have-Been
Film — Animated
Look, I’m not that evil, no
I’m not a bad person
So I killed one carny
Well, it’s just cause I’m determined
To finally get what I think that I’m deservin’
And to turn it into something worthy
Trust me, I’m sure you will agree
Would you like to hear my master plan?
I’m not a bad person
So I killed one carny
Well, it’s just cause I’m determined
To finally get what I think that I’m deservin’
And to turn it into something worthy
Trust me, I’m sure you will agree
Would you like to hear my master plan?
— Grover Fischoeder, The Bob's Burgers Movie, "Not That Evil"
They meet Jojo, a monkey (though technically a chimpanzee) with an all-around sympathetic nature, but is he on their side?
— The Powerpuff Girls Movie, "The movie's manual about Mojo Jojo"
"You are bad guy, but this does not mean you are bad guy."
Film — Live-Action
"You have my respect, Stark. When I'm done, half of humanity will still be alive. I hope they remember you."
— Thanos, Avengers: Infinity War
"Well don't let my white duds and pleasant demeanor fool ya'. I too have been known to violate the statues of man, and not a few of the laws of the Almighty!"
— "Buster Scruggs", The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
"Charlie": Don't look at me like that. It's just me! Charlie!
Barton: I hear it's Mundt. "Madman Mundt".
"Charlie": Jesus, people can be cruel. If it's not my build, it's my personality.
Barton: I hear it's Mundt. "Madman Mundt".
"Charlie": Jesus, people can be cruel. If it's not my build, it's my personality.
"They say I'm a 'madman', Barton. But I'm not mad at anyone. Honest, I'm not."
— "Charlie" in the midst of a shotgun rampage, Barton Fink
"I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this with anybody, so don't get me wrong when I tell you that Tom, while being a very nice guy, is the Devil... What do you think the Devil's going to look like? [...] Come on. No one's going to be taken in by a guy with a long, red, pointy tail. Come on, what's he going to sound like? [growls] No! I'm semi-serious here... No, he'll be attractive, he'll be nice and helpful. He'll get a job where he influences a great and God-fearing nation. He'll never do an evil thing. He'll never deliberately hurt a living thing. He'll just, bit by little bit, lower our standards where they're important. Just a tiny little bit. Just coax along flash over substance. Just a tiny little bit."
Harald Vanger: I'm not a recluse. I don't close my door to anyone. They just don't visit.
Mikael Blomkvist: [referring to Harald's collection of Nazi rally photographs] Perhaps if you redecorated?
Harald: Hide the past like they do? Under a thin shiny veneer? Like an IKEA table? I am the most honest of all of them.
Mikael: The family?
Harald: Sweden.
Mikael Blomkvist: [referring to Harald's collection of Nazi rally photographs] Perhaps if you redecorated?
Harald: Hide the past like they do? Under a thin shiny veneer? Like an IKEA table? I am the most honest of all of them.
Mikael: The family?
Harald: Sweden.
"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
— Dread Pirate Roberts, The Princess Bride
"Oh. This is not good. I am not killing you. Don't you understand? You must die. Will you cooperate?"
— Franz, The Producers
"Please, sit down before you fall down. We can at least behave like civilized people."
— Belloq, Raiders of the Lost Ark
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your captor speaking. There’s been a slight change in your travel plans tonight. You have, you will note, been moved to the last two cars of the train for your own well being. First, I’d like to call your attention to the highly trained men, with the automatic weapons in your cars. In the event of an emergency, they may be called upon to shoot you. Your safety is our primary concern. However, if you try anything stupid, federal regulations require that I kill you. So, please, no hero shit."
— Travis Dane, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory
Literature
"Historians still unborn will appreciate your cooperation in the future, Sonmi-451. We archivists thank you in the present. Our gratitude may not mean much, but I'll endeavor to grant any last request you may have, if it lies within my ministry's influence. Now, this silver egg-shaped device is called an orison. It records both an image of your face and your words. Once we're finished, the orison will be archived at the Ministry of Testaments. This isn't an interrogation, remember, or a trial. Your version of the truth is all that matters."
— The Archivist, Cloud Atlas
Fabian Everyman: When I told you that you would serve me, I was giving you a true seeing: you are mine now, and forever more. However, I've decided that I don't want to be the Home Secretary anymore. I've raised my game; what this country really needs to see it through the coming stellar conjunction is firm government under an enlightened ruler, and I've decided that I'm exactly the best possible candidate for the job! Michael asked me, on behalf of the Board of Directors of your agency, if I could deal with the situation here. Give him my best regards when you see him, and let him know that thanks to Schiller's diligence in distributing those silly little hosts, I will have the cabinet entirely under control by the end of the night.
Cassie: Eep.
Mo: I'll be sure to tell him you said that. Goodbye.
Fabian Everyman: Be seeing you!
Cassie: Eep.
Mo: I'll be sure to tell him you said that. Goodbye.
Fabian Everyman: Be seeing you!
"He was the mildest-manner'd man that ever scuttled ship or cut a throat."
— Don Juan, Canto III
"At what point did you forget that I am a vampire, Dresden? A monster. A habitually neat, polite, civil, and efficient monster. [...] I am what I am."
— Lara Raith, The Dresden Files: Turn Coat
"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be EVER in your favor!"
— Effie Trinket, The Hunger Games
"... trying to fix precisely what it was about [Crassus] which made him so disconcerting, I think it was this: his indiscriminate and detached friendliness, which you knew would never waver or diminish even if he had just decided to have you killed."
You may think of me as an enemy of man. Not so. I am fascinated. I am pleased to encounter those truly rare individuals who see beyond the game, who do not constantly succumb to deals and catches. Believe me.
And, if truth be told, I am disappointed each time I win.
—The Narrator, Life's Lottery
"Now listen to me. I like you. The consequence is that it would annoy me for just about two and a half minutes if I heard that you had died in torments. Well, if you ever tell the police or any human soul about us, I shall have that two and a half minutes of discomfort. On your discomfort I will not dwell. Good-day. Mind the step."
— Sunday, The Man Who Was Thursday
"Don't worry, Winston; you are in my keeping. For seven years I have watched over you. Now the turning-point has come. I shall save you, I shall make you perfect."
— O'Brien, Nineteen Eighty-Four
"And just like that, it felt like someone had poured cold water down my back. The casual way the green-eyed man had just referred to murder had jarred me back into reality. Villains. Funny and almost likable, but still villains."
Watson: You say he was affable?
Holmes: A purring cat who thinks he sees prospective mice. Some people's affability is more deadly than the violence of coarser souls.
Holmes: A purring cat who thinks he sees prospective mice. Some people's affability is more deadly than the violence of coarser souls.
— Sherlock Holmes, "The Adventure of the Illustrious Client"
"Power tastes best when sweetened by courtesy."
— Roose Bolton, A Song of Ice and Fire
At seven o'clock precisely the twenty men who made up this organization strode, lounged, or sidled, each according to his character, into the workmanlike board room on the third floor. Their chairman was already in his seat. No greetings were exchanged. They were ruled by the chairman to be a waste of breath and, in an organization of this nature, hypocritical.
"About three months later, I got a nice letter from Captain Halsing, postmarked Milwaukee, thanking me for my hospitality. He was the model Nazi, cold, competent, and perfectly polite."
— John Rumford, Victoria
Vivenna: Denth used me. And the worst part is, I still feel like this must all be a misunderstanding. I feel that he's really my friend, and that I should go to him and find out why he did what he did. Maybe we are all just confused. But then I remember the things I saw him do. My friend Parlin is dead. Other soldiers sent by my father, stuffed in sacks. I'm so confused.
Vasher: You're not the first one he's taken in, Princess. Denth... he's a subtle one. A man like him can be evil to the core, but if he's charismatic and amusing, people will listen to him. They'll even like him.
Vasher: You're not the first one he's taken in, Princess. Denth... he's a subtle one. A man like him can be evil to the core, but if he's charismatic and amusing, people will listen to him. They'll even like him.
"This guy was borderline unhinged, too much power in too unstable a package, and I almost liked him."
— Weaver on Phir Sē, Worm
Live-Action TV
"I wanted to be a guy who was affable, part of the community, who handled his business like a business, and that people could potentially, possibly, begin to like. It was the calm demeanor that I brought to this character that I feel like really allowed him to be elevated... Gus does care about people. He's brutal to them if they don't do what he says, but he's very kind to them if they do. He is the ultimate father in the laundry business, in the drug business, and in the chicken business."
— Giancarlo Esposito on his character Gustavo Fring, Breaking Bad.
"Buffy, I'm here to kill you, not to judge you."
— Holden Webster, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Conversations With Dead People"
Romana: But he had such an honest face!
The Doctor: Well, you could hardly be a successful criminal with a dishonest face.
The Doctor: Well, you could hardly be a successful criminal with a dishonest face.
"I'm a psychopath, I'm not rude."
— River Song, Doctor Who, "Let's Kill Hitler"
"Hello, ordinary person. Please maintain a minimum separation of three feet. I'm really trying not to kill anyone today, but it would be tremendously helpful if your major arteries were out of reach."
— Missy, Doctor Who, "World Enough and Time"
D'Argo: Stay back! Stay back or I swear, I will kill you.
Kaarvok: I don't think that's very polite.
Kaarvok: I don't think that's very polite.
Scorpius: Ka D'Argo, is it? I don't believe we've had the pleasure.
[D'Argo leaps out of his chair, brandishing a metal goblet as an improvised weapon]
Scorpius: I am totally unarmed; I bear you no ill will. Perhaps we should... well, reorder, and share a repast...
[D'Argo leaps out of his chair, brandishing a metal goblet as an improvised weapon]
Scorpius: I am totally unarmed; I bear you no ill will. Perhaps we should... well, reorder, and share a repast...
— Farscape
Hannibal: Mason is discourteous. Discourtesy is unspeakably ugly to me.
Will: Are you thinking about eating him?
Hannibal: Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude.
Will: Are you thinking about eating him?
Hannibal: Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude.
— Hannibal
"Now you can't have any of my pie."
— Daniel Linderman, Heroes
"You're so polite... you make me sick!"
— Theo Kojak to a double-murderer, Kojak, "The Marcus-Nelson Murders"
Ben: I'd like you to take a walk with me.
Jack: You say that like you're not going to knock me out and put a bag over my head if I say no.
Ben: Then don't say no.
Jack: You say that like you're not going to knock me out and put a bag over my head if I say no.
Ben: Then don't say no.
— Lost
"Ray is protective, kind.
Ray is dangerous, a criminal."
Ray is dangerous, a criminal."
— Elliot, Mr. Robot
Hilda: Salem, what's the matter?
Salem: [looking at a robin's corpse while crying] I killed him. I landed on him when I fell out of the tree! All I wanted to do was scare, humiliate, and emotionally scar him for life — I didn't want to hurt him!
Salem: [looking at a robin's corpse while crying] I killed him. I landed on him when I fell out of the tree! All I wanted to do was scare, humiliate, and emotionally scar him for life — I didn't want to hurt him!
"I didn't want to hurt you, Sabrina. I just wanted to rule you!"
— Salem, Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Apophis: May your reign last days... and your death years!
Baal: [smirk] That's actually rather good. Isn't it?
[Teal'c nods]
Baal: Did you plan to say that when you walked in? [cuts off a piece of Apophis' head with a sword, killing his symbiote] Or was it just off the top of your head?
Baal: [smirk] That's actually rather good. Isn't it?
[Teal'c nods]
Baal: Did you plan to say that when you walked in? [cuts off a piece of Apophis' head with a sword, killing his symbiote] Or was it just off the top of your head?
"Erin, can you please not interrupt me when I'm threatening you?"
— Daniel Lang, Who Is Erin Carter?
"Don't believe we've met; Proposition Joe. You ever steal from me, I'll kill your whole family."
— The Wire
"My father is pure evil, and you are going to love him."
— Kate Lockwood, You (2018)
Music
I'd like to help you Tom, in any way I can
I sure appreciate the way you're working with me
I'm not a monster Tom, well, technically I am
I guess I am
I sure appreciate the way you're working with me
I'm not a monster Tom, well, technically I am
I guess I am
— Jonathan Coulton, "Re: Your Brains" (A song used in Left 4 Dead 2)
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a Man of Wealth and Taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
I'm a Man of Wealth and Taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith
And I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
— The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"
Tabletop Games
With the single exception of her undeniable desire to continue her own life and youth at the expense of others, Mrs. Talitha Johnson is a virtuous and respectable woman. She volunteers at the local library, tends her yard and flowerbeds and, generally speaking, is a sweet and kind presence in the neighborhood. She genuinely likes children and regrets the necessity of preying upon them, but has plenty of time between the ceremonies to put the harm she does in the back of her mind. Even during the ceremony she does her utmost to make certain that the process is the least painful and frightening possible for her target child.
— "The Forever Club", Innocents
"What is that? You meant no offence? My dear boy, none taken! Your wizardly masters may cloister themselves in their towers, glowering balefully on strangers, but we Tzimisce are an open and trusting folk. Indeed, our reputation for receptiveness is matched only by our reputation for mercy. Would you not agree, Stephen? What is it that your masters call us, as they fearfully scan the night from their battlements?
Why, Stephen, you are pale and shaking! Did I not say that the night air might prove bad for your health? I had thought to let you pass the night and leave come the morn, but you seem gripped with illness! That settles it, then: you shall stay with us indefinitely and we shall work our arts of physick upon you, that you might be made... well. What — oh, do not think to thank us! It is the smallest task, and one we shall set with alacrity! After all, save for the stimulating division your Tremere masters have recently seen fit to offer, there is little to occupy us in the Old Country. No, we stand ready to provide our fullest attention to you tonight... and the night after... and the night after..."
Why, Stephen, you are pale and shaking! Did I not say that the night air might prove bad for your health? I had thought to let you pass the night and leave come the morn, but you seem gripped with illness! That settles it, then: you shall stay with us indefinitely and we shall work our arts of physick upon you, that you might be made... well. What — oh, do not think to thank us! It is the smallest task, and one we shall set with alacrity! After all, save for the stimulating division your Tremere masters have recently seen fit to offer, there is little to occupy us in the Old Country. No, we stand ready to provide our fullest attention to you tonight... and the night after... and the night after..."
— Boleslav Volhyny, Vampire: The Masquerade — Libellus Sanguinis: Masters of the State
"Dear Lady, let me express my fulsome appreciation for your most generous gift. It is so very rare to discover another of my own kind that appreciates my work, therefore to find understanding amongst a member of another race is nothing short of a revelation. I realize that you briefly trod my galleries, but the fact that you spotted in so short a time that my Acabrius War collection was lacking three regiments of Catachan warriors reveals that you truly have a collector's eye for detail. And to send five regiments! Such generosity will allow me to weed out and replace a few of the more substandard pieces in my collection. If I might level a minor criticism, the instructions issued to your gift were manifestly not as clear as you thought, as most of them had to be forcibly restrained — sadly it seems that the lower orders will always behave like an army of invasion, whether that be their purpose or not. However, this is a minor complaint and seems almost churlish under the circumstances, so please allow me to repay your gift with one of my own. Accompanying this message is the Hyperstone Maze, one of a series of Tesseract Labyrinths constructed at the height of the Charnovokh Dynasty. It is a trinket really, only of interest to scholars such as you and I, but I trust you will find it amusing — assuming you have the wit to escape its clutches, of course."
— Trazyn the Infinite to Inquisitor Valeria, Warhammer 40,000: Codex — Necrons (5th ed.)
For a Lord of Chaos, Nurgle's actions seem oddly harmonious — caring even. To receive the blessings of Nurgle, all one has to do is want to live and be willing to do whatever it takes to cling to life. All else follows naturally from there. Worshipers of Khorne must push toward ever-greater levels of destruction and carnage despite the risks to themselves or even to their allies. Those who devote themselves to Tzeentch must deny their lot in life and seek to change everything, never appreciating what they have. Followers of Slaanesh seek to escape reality in a blur of sensation and self-delusion. All that is required to feel the caring touch of Nurgle is to see life for what it is and to want to make the most of it. All that is needed is faith in the future provided by Nurgle.
— Black Crusade: The Tome Of Decay
Theatre
O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables-meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
My tables-meet it is I set it down
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
— Hamlet
"And though scary is exciting, nice is different than good."
— Little Red, Into the Woods
"You'll remain as hostage here, should Hilarion disappear, we will hang you — never fear! — most politely, most politely, most politely."
— King Hildebrand, Princess Ida
Quirrell: The Yule Ball has finally arrived! I have the key!
Voldemort: I KNOW, Quirrell, I HEAR EVERYTHING YOU HEAR!
Quirrell: Sorry, my lord.
Voldemort: No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just nervous, that's all.
Voldemort: I KNOW, Quirrell, I HEAR EVERYTHING YOU HEAR!
Quirrell: Sorry, my lord.
Voldemort: No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just nervous, that's all.
"Woah, hello, ma'am! You ain't got nothin' to worry about! I was just making sexual advances on your daughter, is all."
— McDoon the Bandit King, The Trail to Oregon!
I am a sentimental man
Who always longed to be a father
That's why I do the best I can
To treat each citizen of Oz as a son
Or daughter
So Elphaba, I'd like to raise you high
'Cause I think everyone deserves the chance to fly
And helping you with your ascent al-
-lows me to feel so parental
For I am a sentimental man
Who always longed to be a father
That's why I do the best I can
To treat each citizen of Oz as a son
Or daughter
So Elphaba, I'd like to raise you high
'Cause I think everyone deserves the chance to fly
And helping you with your ascent al-
-lows me to feel so parental
For I am a sentimental man
— The Wizard, Wicked
Video Games
"You shall stay here until you become not alive!~ And until that happens, I shall feed you three square meals a day. Freshly made by me. Straight from my kitchen, into your mouths.~ For those of you with allergies please tell me in advance. And I have vegetarian alternatives for my fellow animal lovers in the room. And the soup is self-serve. Don't even THINK of trying to escape! Because I'd miss you!"
— The Gambler, The Brains And The Brawn
"Ah, commander! You must be lost! This is not your precious Blue Zone, this is Nod territory! Tell you what... I'll have my troops send you home. [Beat] In a body bag..."
"Get up, boy. I'd recognize those eyes anywhere... [hugs Ajay] I'm so sorry about this. This was supposed to be... well, not this. We have a party waiting for you, but I don't think I know your name. Who is this? Hmmm? Is this your plus-one? Strong silent type. I like it. I am terribly sorry about this. This was supposed to be very simple, but you know if you give food to monkeys, they just throw their shit at each other. [holds out a bloodstained pen for Ajay] Oh, would you hold this? Just a moment... I want to get a little... picture. Right into the camera, there we are. Awesome. Don't worry about a thing, boy. This will soon be behind us, and we'll be off on our grand adventure. Because I have cleared my calendar for you! You and I are gonna TEAR SHIT UP!"
"Wednesday, we spill the blood of virgin chickens. Thursday we anoint ourselves in said blood. Friday is, of course, poker night."
— Cultist of Shadow, Fable
"I'm a hired blade and I only care about the bottom line. I'll do anything and kill anyone for that. I saved a few children, but I have a kill count that far exceeds that number. I've seen far more extreme contradictions compared to mine. An arms dealer who plunges entire regions into war may be a child's hero or the backbone of the family. A ruthless entrepreneur may also be a generous philanthropist dedicated to the wellbeing of his hometown. And the seemingly innocent refugees shivering in the cold... they'll kill each other for a morsel of food, or turn into monsters just to make others feel their pain."
— Raven, Honkai Impact 3rd
"Look, I'm sorry. It's just the way things have to go. It's just a part of life! Um... For us, I mean... Their bodies are hardly keeping themselves together, so they've gathered themselves in the basement. They can't just, uh, kill you directly, you know. I promised them I'd leave you to them, so I brought you here to, uh, at least try to talk to you before they arrive... So before they get here, and everything burns... I'd like to thank you, for giving us this opportunity to see the world through the eyes of your creations. Being Michael Schmidt has been an incredible experience... I-I mean I feel... Wh- I feel fantastic! I want to keep feeling like this forever! And, to do that... (somberly) I... need you to die."
— Michael, The Joy of Creation: Reborn
"What the hell are you doing here? Master already took the piece of the dark crystal that was stored in this crypt. Ah well, I'm not going to complain. I was getting hungry anyways."
"Welcome, traveler. I am Shang Tsung, and this...is my island. I bid you welcome to explore. Hidden among the islands ruins are treasure, magic, and very special artifacts. Take what you want... within reason. You will find time spent here is well rewarded..."
— Shang Tsung, Mortal Kombat 11
"Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."
— GLaDOS, Portal
"I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may. I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair. 'Lair' — heh, weird isn't it? First time I've said it out loud. Sounds a bit ridiculous, really. But I can assure you it is one. It is a proper lair. Deadly lair. And I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. You can just jump into the masher, just there. Less a death trap, more a death option for you."
— Wheatley, Portal 2
Hiya, Chuck.
Pleased to meet you. I'm the message. I'm John. Nothing fancy. I want to get to know you-you-you. Want to talk about dreams and dreamers? Sensory input gives the illusion of consciousness. You are all just dreams made of flesh. I used to be too. Now I'm flesh made of dream. You can too, Chuck. You can too. Those other guys, the buzzing voices. THEY resent me. THEY'RE going to say bad things about me. Don't shoot me, Chuck. I'm just the message. I'm becoming plural. But I remember what it was like to be singular. THEY don't.
See you, Chuck...
Pleased to meet you. I'm the message. I'm John. Nothing fancy. I want to get to know you-you-you. Want to talk about dreams and dreamers? Sensory input gives the illusion of consciousness. You are all just dreams made of flesh. I used to be too. Now I'm flesh made of dream. You can too, Chuck. You can too. Those other guys, the buzzing voices. THEY resent me. THEY'RE going to say bad things about me. Don't shoot me, Chuck. I'm just the message. I'm becoming plural. But I remember what it was like to be singular. THEY don't.
See you, Chuck...
— The Black Signal, The Secret World
"Hey, I hate having to do this to ya, I really do. But I'm a pretty bad guy, so uh... you know."
— Dr. Krankcase, Skylanders: Trap Team
Webcomics
Red Mage: Did you see that?!
Black Mage: Garland is so hideously evil that he can afford to be nice before he kills us!
Fighter: He must be so powerful that even the shiniest sword could not save us now!
Black Mage: Garland is so hideously evil that he can afford to be nice before he kills us!
Fighter: He must be so powerful that even the shiniest sword could not save us now!
— The Light Warriors
reading Garland entirely wrong, 8-Bit Theater
reading Garland entirely wrong, 8-Bit Theater"Oh, where are my manners? You were upset by the screaming. It would be unkind of me to keep you here longer than necessary."
— The Collector, Aurora (2019), Chapter 1 Page 19
"Oh, Seffie is a darling. It's one of the things that makes her so dangerous. Don't let your guard down."
— Tarvek Sturmvoraus, Girl Genius (Vol. 20 p. 12)
)Helen: You might be able to avert doom.
Artie: And what if you're the one causing it?
Helen: Well, that's to be expected.
Artie: And what if you're the one causing it?
Helen: Well, that's to be expected.
— Narbonic
"Oona is not having compelling reason to not be killing them, and little bald man in red cape did say please. Good manners are being rewarded!"
— Oona,The Order of the Stick
Web Original
"Whether it’s the classical music playing in the background, the omelette or the fine suits, Fisk repeatedly asserts his own humanity and civility. No matter where the day takes him, no matter how it plays out, Fisk at least starts the day as a refined and cultured gentleman. It is a lie, but it is no greater a lie than that told by Matt Murdock."
Web Video
"I might be a nasty little villain who takes over the world, but I do have Juicy Juice!"
"Thanks for your question! I look forward to killing you soon!"
— The Ninja, Ask a Ninja
"Sure, she steals things that are pretty hard to steal, but then she gives you clues on how to find her, just because it's sportsmanlike."
"Yeah, I had human genitalia in my freezer. But other than that, I was pretty much just an average joe. Well, after a few days she started decomposing, and, uh, pardon my French, but she smelled like S-H-I-T. So then I took the body out of the garage to kill some time, no pun intended. After I killed that first girl, I thought, 'You know, I'm pretty good at this. For the first time in my life, I'm good at something.' You know, I had a pretty normal American childhood. But all of a sudden one day, I thought, 'I wonder what the inside of my dog looks like.' What? No. I didn't have intercourse with the body. I'm not a monster."
"Hold on, I'm getting a call. [looks at phone] 'Jesus'. Thank Heavens. Hey, you're on the whole 'hailstone' thing today, right? Raining down from above? Yeah, and you talked to Timmy, he's gonna hold the Sun in the sky so that they have more time for the slaughter? Okay, now remember, I want to kill more people with the hailstones than the people on the ground kill. [laughing] I know, I'm ridiculously competitive. Okay. Alright, bye-bye."
— Mr. Deity, "Mr. Deity and the Promised Land"
He's a really sweet guy, though he means you harm.
— Alphys,, Undertale the Musical
Western Animation
"I'm bad, but I'm not so bad, right?"
— Hunson Abadeer, Adventure Time
Jimmy: Okay, I guess you win I’ll fix your machine and help you take over Retro Ville.
Professor Calamitous: Really? A wise decision! By the way, how is my old teacher? Miss -Uhm- Uhm-
Jimmy: Miss Fowl? Why, she’s fine thanks for asking!
Professor Calamitous: Really? A wise decision! By the way, how is my old teacher? Miss -Uhm- Uhm-
Jimmy: Miss Fowl? Why, she’s fine thanks for asking!
"Hello, Earth! Congratulations on being conquered! I have good news and bad news. The good news: your planet is rich in the resources we'll need to conquer other, more impressive worlds. The bad news: we'll need to destroy your civilization to get those resources. Omelette, broken eggs, you get it."
— King Andrias, Amphibia
"He'll kill y'all with kindness
He'll kill y'all with a griiiiiiin
Kid Friendlyyyy!
(Narrator) don't you mess around with him."
He'll kill y'all with a griiiiiiin
Kid Friendlyyyy!
(Narrator) don't you mess around with him."
Mr. Toad: Boss! It's the Bat Guy!
Professor Pyg: It's Batman, Toad. Remember, respect our enemies.
Professor Pyg: It's Batman, Toad. Remember, respect our enemies.
— Beware the Batman, "Hunted"
"I never tire of your people's aversion to impoliteness. A taboo against offense, even as you plan the deaths of thousands."
—Abijah Fowler to Master Chiba, Blue Eye Samurai
"Dah, I know we work in the fiery Underworld, but that's no excuse for bad manners."
— Henchman, The Cuphead Show!
Steph: Excuse me, do you know how long this will take?
Cave Guy: Why?
Steph: Well, some of us have reservations for dinner at the Green Gourd.
Cave Guy: Yes, I've dined at the Green Gourd. You're better off as hostages.
Cave Guy: Why?
Steph: Well, some of us have reservations for dinner at the Green Gourd.
Cave Guy: Yes, I've dined at the Green Gourd. You're better off as hostages.
"Bad man. Good manners."
— Ron Stoppable on Señor Senior, Sr., Kim Possible
"Don't let their congenial manner fool you; they're a lot tougher than they look. This one ate a Congressman! And this one destroyed a city before he could walk."
— King Pistachion, describing his children, Milo Murphy's Law
"Oh, and try to stay out of trouble? The Emperor is NOT a merciful man... (Beat) Byeeeee!"
— The Golden Guard, The Owl House
"Powerpuff Girls save the day? CURSES! I SWEAR that today is the day, that I will crush the Powerpuff Girls! BUT FIRST! I must attend to the dishes I have soiled with the food that I have eaten."
— Mojo Jojo, The Powerpuff Girls (1998), "Just Another Manic Mojo"
"Oh boy, here I go killing again!"
— Krombopulos Michael, Rick and Morty
Bullwinkle: Gee, he's a peach.
Rocky: Well, I think he's a double-crossing crooked killer.
Bullwinkle: Yeah, but for a double-crossing crooked killer, he's a peach.
Rocky: Well, I think he's a double-crossing crooked killer.
Bullwinkle: Yeah, but for a double-crossing crooked killer, he's a peach.
— The titular characters talking about Boris Badenov in one of his many disguises, Rocky and Bullwinkle, "Missouri Mish Mash"
"Homer I'm disappointed, but I think you need to do what's best for your family. [...] But Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill somebody, it would help me a lot."
— Hank Scorpio, as commandos storm his elaborate underground base, The Simpsons, "You Only Move Twice"
Scorpio!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!
He'll sting you with his dreams of power and wealth.
Beware of Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employees' health.
He'll welcome you into his lair,
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest.
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions,
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year,
And on Fridays the lunchroom serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!
Man: Well I say we ban Homer from our restaurants.
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we KILL HIM!
Akira: No, that would be impolite. I say we KILL HIM!
"Flash photography is forbidden in the presence of Sandroid! You will all be assimilated... so we can all be as close as peas in a pod!"
"My demands are simple. The city will declare me ruler, the Teen Titans will surrender, and Robin.... will take this lovely young lady to her junior prom."
— Killer Moth, Teen Titans (2003), "Date With Destiny"
Real Life
"The Master said, 'Fine words and an insinuating appearance are seldom associated with virtue.'"
"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."
"I have to say, that I quite liked the man. I am ashamed to say such a thing. But had I not been able to see what was happening outside the window I would have said he was very civilized. Odd, isn't it?"
— Carl Giles on Josef Kramer, commandant of the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp
"It was like watching Gidget address the Reichstag."
— Matt Taibbi on the 2008 Republican National Convention
