Podcast / Dice Funk

"I'll put the 3 in Intelligence. What's the worst that could happen?"

“You might be under the false impression that you are about to listen to a Dungeons & Dragons podcast, but in fact, you're listening to something that's much more. It's an adventure of - hopefully - high comedy, high drama, and low taste. Welcome to Dice Funk.”

— Michael "Skitch" Schiciano

"What would an ad for this show even sound like? 'Come listen to a video game critic pretend to be a lesbian elf!' Actually, there's probably a market for that..."

— Austin Yorski

Dice Funk is a Dungeons & Dragons podcast that spun off of Word Funk. It is equal parts audio drama and improv comedy, with most of the players being professional film or video game critics. While nominally operating on 5th Edition rules, the focus is much more on characterization and storytelling. The show is split into distinct "Seasons," each featuring a new storyline, players, and characters.

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Main Seasons

Season 1, "Stoneroot," is noir-inflected black comedy about a con man, a moronic cleric, and a shapeshifter who accept a seemingly straightforward missing person's case and end up making a mess of cosmic proportions.

Cast

• Leon Thomas as Rinaldo, human fighter.
• Jess Kitrick as Jayne, human druid, and Allana, half-elven rogue.
• Austin Yorski as Anne, halfling cleric.
• Johnny Maloney as the DM.

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Season 2, "Lorelei," is a swashbuckling adventure conceived of as a cross between The Princess Bride and The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. It features a much lighter tone than the first, a more improvisational DM, as well as a cast of largely non-humans. Our interplanar ensemble of fresh-faced adventurers seeks to uncover the reason behind the world flooding and put a stop to it if they can.

Cast

• Leon Thomas as Violet Skittles Unicorn, unicorn barbarian.
• Johnny Maloney as Drop Goodwood, human monk.
• Lauren Morgan as Lavinia, dryad bard.
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as Alias Valamin, eladrin rogue.
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

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Season 3, "Ilium," is a mystery surrounding a small town where one can enter but never leave, inspired by the likes of Twin Peaks or Hot Fuzz, and the first season with characters starting at a higher level. It features a crew of bounty hunters called the Avant Guards attempting to bring order to the hive of scum and villainy they live in while uncovering its secrets.

Cast

• Leon Thomas as Bumbershoot Von Victrola, vampire noble.
• Lauren Morgan as Theodora, nixie warlock.
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as Rolen Hawklight the half-elven justiciar.
• Quinn RolloT Larios ^note credited as Chris Larios for Seasons 3-8 as Zoey Legrand, half-elven wild sorcerer.
• Laura Kate Dale as Veltari, tiefling bard.
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

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Season 4, "Valentine", is an Urban Fantasy story surrounding four internet acquaintances scrounging to make rent. It is named after the Valentine desert it takes place in, and set after a cataclysmic event which led to the development of modern to near-future technology and all-powerful corporations. The story is split between a North Valentine City above ground and a South Valentine City underground, populated by Warforged exiles and reptilian species.

Cast

• Lauren Morgan as Lenora Desmond, tabaxi bard (DJ).
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as René Eddi, warforged rogue sorcerer.
• Quinn Larios as Catarina "Krakenbane" Brooks, human monk (wrestler).
• Laura Kate Dale as Frank Westerly, human wizard (card duelist).
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

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Season 5, "Markov," is set in space, and meant to have a lighter tone than Valentine, which one should take to mean that there will be only a few mutilations and existential crises. The party travels from planet to planet, taking jobs while piecing together and fighting against an overarching plot to destroy the universe.

Cast

• Lauren Morgan as Sasha, aarakocra bard.
• Quinn Larios as Olivia, merfolk doctor.
• Laura Kate Dale as Captain Liamoira Melbeck, giff ranger.
• Conrad Zimmerman as Dregg, ogre paladin.
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

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Season 6, "Purgatory," is set in an alternate Planescape setting. It centers around a team of resurrected mortals who have taken the mantle of the Furies, assassins sent to maintain the balance of power between planes by killing or depowering god-like entities.

Cast

• Lauren Morgan as Cordelia Heller, yuan-ti warlock.
• Quinn Larios as King Badass, lizardfolk fighter.
• Laura Kate Dale as Nifyx, gnome bard.
• Conrad Zimmerman as Blake Ferris, human wizard.
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

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Season 7, "Wormwood", is set in an alternate Dark Sun setting and its apocalyptic nature is the eventual result of what happened during Season 6.

Cast

• Lauren Morgan as Lola Beans, kobold ranger.
• Conrad Zimmerman as Brother Khorton, mul bard.
• Laura Kate Dale as Vindrass, thri-kreen cleric.
• Quinn Larios as Sabrina Wolfram, ice genasi sorcerer.
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

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Season 8, "Grendel", is about the watchmen of a friendly village at the foot of the tallest mountain, frequented by travellers attempting to reach the portal at its peak.

Cast

• Quinn Larios as The Genius of Grendel, goblin warlock.
• Laura Kate Dale as Neellith, squidling bard.
• Mari as Slime, zombie wizard.
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as Aze, hobgoblin druid.
• Sophie as Phillippa, aarakocra druid.
• Austin Yorski as the DM.

One-Shots and Side Series

Shardpoint

The "Shardpoint" series of one-shots are set just after Season 3, and are named after the Shardpoint Academy, an adventuring school with a shifty new headmaster. In order to kill five birds with one stone, the headmaster sends a group of students and teachers to retrieve a book from the library. The book turns out to contain locations for numerous enchanted artifacts; each one-shot is based around finding one such artifact.

Cast

Episode 1: Shardpoint Academy

• Austin Yorski as Sophia Magdelene, tabaxi fighter (arcane archer).
• Johnny Maloney as Palanthur "Scoops" Frustre, halfling bard (college of lore).
• Jess Kitrick as Merlos, half-elf monk (way of shadow).
• Nik Freeman as Danamin, centaur ranger (horizon walker).
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as the DM.

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Episode 2: Hilt Hunting

• Austin Yorski as Sophia Magdelene, tabaxi fighter (arcane archer).
• Johnny Maloney as Palanthur "Scoops" Frustre, halfling bard (college of lore).
• Mike Chindamo as Gregor Trueblade, human barbarian (way of the mountain man).
• Tom White as Fizzle Trink Mudgrove, gnome rogue.
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as the DM.

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Episode 3: The Fault in our Bards

• Austin Yorski as Sephora, aasimar druid (swamp druid).
• Jane Aerith Magnet as Toow Bifor, rock gnome bard.
• Johnny Maloney as Palanthur "Scoops" Frustre, halfling bard (college of lore).
• Laura Kate Dale as Torgwyn, a.k.a. Whoosh, hill dwarf cleric (tempest cleric).
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as the DM.

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Episode 4: Confrontational Education

• Nik Freeman as Danamin, centaur ranger.
• Peter Bowman as Arvaad Ironscale, silver dragonborn sorcerer.
• Word on the Wind as Coltash, kalashtar fighter.
• Michael "Skitch" Schiciano as the DM.

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Rallyball

Initially a sports-themed one-shot based around Rallyball, a contact sport with a mix of gladiatorial combat and ball-in-goal point scoring. It's not necessarily set in the Dice Funk universe, but rather a parallel world where the only difference is the existence of Rallyball. Turns into a murder mystery by the end of the first episode, and it's implied that every episode could be a different genre.

Cast

• Austin Yorski as Dominique Hasek, half-orc monk.
• Johnny Maloney as Dirk "Slippy" McNabb, half-elf rogue.
• Nik Freeman as Ellis Fartek, dwarf fighter.
• Peter Bowman as Jacq Henson, human barbarian.
• Quinn Larios as the DM.

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Mr. Spooky's House of Fun

A Halloween-themed one-shot wherein a trio of high rollers visit the titular upside-down casino, Mr. Spooky's House of Fun, staffed by talking animals with a variety of accents. The gamblers are invited into the 'Winner's Room' where higher-stakes games are run.

Cast

• Jane Aerith Magnet as Henri Enderman, tabaxi rogue.
• Laura Kate Dale as Roger Byron McQuack V, aarakocra sorcerer.
• Jim Sterling as Marquis Hailquim, half-elf bard.
• Lauren Morgan as the DM.
• Austin Yorski as assistant DM and background NPCs.

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Three Octopuses in a Trench Coat

Using the one-page RPG also titled Three Octopuses in a Trench Coat, a trio of octopi attempt to escape the laboratory they're being held in.

Cast

• Jane Aerith Magnet as Specimen 7, an octopus.
• Mari as WRREAH, another octopus.
• Casey Explosion as Bob, a third octopus.
• Laura Kate Dale as the DM.

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Inheritors

Set in the Dice Funk universe after the death of the gods. Before her demise, Mystra shattered her essence and scattered her power to various mortals known as Inheritors, granting them great powers that manifest during their teenage years. So it's a Magical Girl one-shot.

Cast

• Ace as Hazel Sicily, lizardfolk druid.
• Cat Thompson as Elena Carpathian, air genasi fighter.
• Lauren Morgan as Barb, selkie warlock.
• Quinn Larios as the DM.

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Law Offices of Guns, Puns, and Justice

A sort of mini-season put together to make up for delays in producing Season 7. A legal mystery based on the likes of Phoenix Wright, it centers on the law firm of Guns, Puns, and Justice as they attempt to prove their client's innocence in a murder investigation.

Cast

• Laura Kate Dale as Elvira Rose, aarakocra warlock.
• Conrad Zimmerman as Magnus Finkwhistle, elf sorcerer.
• Lauren Morgan as Beatdown Betty, tiefling paladin.
• Quinn Larios as the DM.

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Kill Frosty

A morally questionable team of assassins is hired by Mayor Richman to Kill Frosty, a giant fleshy snowman who has been wreaking havoc on the town in general and Gorbo's business in particular.

Cast

• Brennan Blank as Herjolf, human ranger.
• Dan Leonard as Gorbo Gutterslump, goblin artificer.
• Joa as Olli, gnome rogue.
• Quinn Larios as the DM.

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Credits

Because the Credits got too long to leave in each episode, the credit section has spun off into its own monthly show. Lauren and Joa read off the Patreon supporters and make jokes.

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The show is available on iTunes, YouTube, Google Play, and Podbean.

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Tropes

• Achievements in Ignorance: Multiple times Lauren wants to start a fight against an enemy strong enough to be a season-ending boss statted for the entire group on her own. Austin warns her every time that if you fight this creature, you will die. She wins every single one of those fights because she fails to understand that the rules of the game are slanted to make them meat-grinders designed to murder player characters.
  Austin: No gods left to kill... I guess a dragon will do.
• Alternate History: A different Glittergold company develops in Season 3. As there never was a flood, the Rosemary family concentrates on creating firearms instead.
• Anyone Can Die: The player characters can—and will—bite it in spectacular fashion at any time.
  • Multiple NPCs planned to be season ending bosses get killed by Lauren before the mid-season is reached.
• Big Bad Ensemble: The show follows the Word Funk derived Meatwheel Mythos, with one spoke of the wheel coming in contact with one world at a time. Season 1 has the city of Stoneroot confronted by The Hunger, Gorfinax, and season 2 has Lorelei torn asunder by The Sacrifice, Zavala. Season 3 has Guilt, or Aurora, who is not a Big Bad and more of a Cosmic Keystone, and later Death who seems to fit the Big Bad bill much more. Other spokes mentioned that have not yet come into play include the Stillness, the Convergence, the Kingship, and the Uniformity. Season 5's spoke has been confirmed to be Synchronicity. Season 6 was Life, making limited resurrection possible again and threatening existence as a whole from an ancient entity returning to life.
• Call-Back: A possible accidental one. In the first episode of season 1, Anne says the phrase "I follow Rinaldo. It's what I do." In late season 2, Violet says "I follow Drop. It's what I do." Both are quite sweet.
  • One of the relics in the Temple of Primus in season 2 was Anne's teddy bear.
  • Veltari's guitar in Season 3 is of the "Ehlonna Industries" brand.
  • Zoey says the words "I'll give you anything" to Lady Nim.
  • Two in season 3 to Violet's flashback from season 2:
    • Lauren's character in season 3 is the (very minor) character Violet met in the swamp during her flashback, who was voiced by Lauren even back then.
    • The code-word 'Generica' gives to Violet to transport her to the Prime Material Plane is 'pineapple', the same as Winifred's code-word. A unicorn also appears within Mardis' mind prison.
  • Warden Light's deceased husband Lucas is from the Rosemary family. The man who came after Lucas to stop his elopement is Alias' son Mardis who thinks of Lucas as his uncle. Nice to know Isaac and Alias stayed close.
  • In Season 4, corporations besides Crown Corp. running the same 'game' in their respective territories include Legrande and Glittergold.
  • Mardis in Season 4 speaks with Aeron, who mentions the events of Season 2. Specifically, the actual events of Season 2 as recorded by Primus, not what happened in the new universe. Both Mardis and Aeron read this in a book, apparently.
  • In the one-shot Law Offices of Guns, Puns and Justice, Judgebot 02 mentions that his "justice style is swift", referencing the modron Swift Justice from season 2.
  • The end of Clear's story in season 7 had her venture through most of the previous settings on her way up from the bottom of the Yggdrasil.
• Cast Full of Gay: Season 1 was no slouch, what with Rinaldo and Silas, but Season 2 takes it to another level: husbands Mayor Moreno and K, the exes Lita and Joan, and from episode 21, the budding relationship between Vinnie and Jem. Season 3 has the bisexual Dora, Veltari who seduces Carrie with a pun, and Bumbershoot who is heavily implied to have been more than friends with his sire Count Danto, and the widower Warden Light. Season 4 follows the tradition straight off the BAT, with all player characters confirmed same gender attracted within the day the season started, except the artificially constructed Warforged.
  • Season 5 highlights bisexual Captain Liamoira, Sasha pining for cryptids, Big Star sharing about his deceased male lover, Olivia dating a single cell organism and Dregg being... not interested. A nice spectrum of representation overall!
  • Season 6 starts off with Cordelia already having a girlfriend. By the first downtime scene, Laura says Nifyx is bisexual (noting that she wouldn't make a character from Bytopia and not make them bisexual) and King Badass offhandedly mentions wanting a boyfriend.
• Catchphrase: At some point, Austin started using the phrase 'paint me a word picture' whenever a player does something particularly impressive.
• Continuity Cameo: In episode 24 of season 3, Alias Valamin appears, still played by Skitch. This occurs in a flashback some fifty years before the episode, however. Cyldiel eventually shows up in person to protect her grandson.
• Corrupt Church: Weirdly kind of a thing over the seasons. In season 1, there's Jayne's awful cleric parents she's running away from, whereas season 2 has the more loving but still money grubbing parents of Lavinia, who lead worship of Ehlonna at the Spiral of Lorelei. Then in season 3, Rolen's paladin order has been corrupted by Count Danto into his Secret Police.
• Cross Player:
  • Season 1: Austin Yorski (male) plays Anne the halfling cleric (female).
  • Season 2: Leon Thomas (male) plays Violet Skittles Unicorn the barbarian unicorn (female).
  • Season 3: Quinn Larios (then identifying as male) plays Zoe Legrand the half-elf wild mage (female).
  • Season 4: Has two cases, including the first case of a female player in the role of a male character: Laura plays Frank, while Quinn plays Catarina and Reese.
  • Season 5: Quinn Larios (then identifying as male) plays Olivia Adler the merfolk cleric (female).
• Didn't See That Coming: One repeating theme throughout the series seems to be the GM writing out branching plotlines and charting every possible scenario only for the players to make decisions the GM couldn't have possibly foreseen.
  • Special mention to Ilium, where both planned end-game bosses were murdered midway through and one of the PCs ended up becoming the Big Bad. After Lady Nim's death, Austin ends the credit section saying he has no idea where the plot's going anymore.
  • Markov starts this way, with the very first arc ending with the Bastards taking a third option Austin didn't see coming.
• Dirty Cop: They become a recurring villain type from Season 3 onward, with characters like Gylan and Graves.
• Early-Installment Weirdness: Largely due to Stoneroot being their first foray into actual play, there are some notable differences between it and later seasons.
  • Stoneroot is the only main season where Austin isn't the GM. This also makes it the only main season where Austin is a player.
  • The theme music stays the same for the entire season.
  • The Hunger is the only form to take on a physical avatar for a final boss fight.
  • Stoneroot is the only season where the party unambiguously loses at the end.
  • Compared to later seasons, Stoneroot has very little impact on the setting going forward, presumably since it ends with said setting being devoured by Gorfinax and is only re-settled much later.
• Fan Art: Fans on Twitter have made a lot of sketches and images of their characters (see them in the #DiceFunk twitter tag).
  • Starting midway through Season 3, episodes uploaded to YouTube have fanart from the relevant season as the background image during the show.
• Fantastic Racism: It is briefly mentioned that Anne is from the "halfling ghetto." In season 2 the running joke of this is "you all look the same to me." Applied pretty universally to every class. Leon is especially guilty of this because Violet thinks Unicorns are better than everyone and in season 3, Bumbershoot Von Victrola thinks vampires are better than everyone. Dora is referred to by another sylvan creature as a "drowner".
  • The only time this is used for drama is in Rolen's backstory, where his superior Gylan Cadun ordered him to slaughter a village of orcs. When they meet again, Gylan calls him "Rolen Orc-lover Hawklight". His first appearance in the show couldn't make it more clear he's a fascist bigoted thug.
  • Skitch mentions in the post-mortem that Alias was meant to be respectful of other cultures, but still think of Eladrin culture as superior. This never really comes across due to the strange nature of the group, although it's much more evident in the brief glimpse we get of the new universe.
  • Valentine was created primarily by Lizardfolk and Warforged, both of whom don't like other races for some fairly justified reasons. There's no real segregation or anything, but pop culture in Valentine seems to portray Lizardfolk and Warforged in a much more positive light than the rest. This is especially evident in the wrestling arc; the only face who isn't a Lizardfolk or Warforged is Catarina, and even then she has to give the Lizardfolk faces an opening to have a comeback next championship in order to win the belt.
• Fictional Constellations: In season 8, Skitch's character is a Hobgoblin Circle of Stars druid called Azé. To match the setting, he created his own zodiac (for example, The Archer is replaced with The Hand).
• Genre Shift: All of the seasons so far have had some kind of large-scale shift to the tone. In recent seasons, the players have lampshaded this.
  • The first season is ostensibly a comedy with a fantasy setting, but Episode 9 makes a hard right into horror. From there, it careens wildly between noir, cosmic horror, and dark humor.
  • Shifting even harder, Season 2 is a more whimsical adventure story, though still with some dark angsty elements thrown in, and gets darker as the season goes on and Lorelei continues to fall into chaos. Austin himself pointed out that it was supposed to be like Wind Waker but had somehow evolved into a sort of 'moist Undertale'.
  • Season 3 is a police procedural at first, but the personal drama and motivations of each player character takes over the mysteries until the season becomes more akin to a fantasy soap opera of sorts.
  • Season 4 started with four internet friends pulling Shadowrun-style heists in a corporate game before turning into two separate cat-and-mouse games as bounty hunters and corporate soldiers hunt Team Loser, Cat hunts the Crown Corp. executives, and Ash is (maybe) hunting everyone's families. Then the genre shifts again with Team Loser becoming what are basically superheroes working for Crown Corp. and helping the Administration branch of Crown Corp. take over the board of directors.
    • Even within Season 4's initial heist setting, each heist has a different theme. The first is a simple home invasion and robbery (although with the added story hook of Skel), the second is a wrestling championship, the third is pretty much a Yu-Gi-Oh arc, and the fourth was a mix between Splinter Cell and Hitman.
  • Season 5 starts with a crew of adventurers solving odd problems in space, flows into said adventurers working on a long-term alternative food source for Illithids, and ends in a system-wide fight to save the universe from the Maxwells.
• Heroic Lineage: The Valamin family plays a major role across multiple seasons.
  • They're introduced with Alias Valamin as a player character in Lorelei, and the family is a major power among the Eladrin.
  • Alias' son Mardis shows up in Ilium and helps provide Valamin-backed military support during the battle with Dora's forces.
  • In Valentine Ed shares his mind with Mardis' platonic ideal form.
  • In a comparatively unassuming role, Meldamere Valamin is a professor at Shardpoint Academy.
• Recurring Element:
  • The platonic form of potential has popped up in some form multiple times. Its physical embodiment is Gorfinax, the Big Bad of Stoneroot; it later shows up in Markov as a pair of soul-bound flails; And in Wormwood, God-King Wolfram is the Conduit of Potential.
    • Notably, each iteration also has something to do with sacrificing someone's potential. The sacrifices to Gorfinax are actually Gorfinax eating the potential of their future lives, the Flails of Gorfinax devour the potential afterlife of their wielder, and Wolfram uses his conduit to steal the potential from anyone who sleeps on the salt.
  • A few characters throughout the series have Austin doing an accent based on his Ukrainian family members. While he's no stranger to recycling accents from season to season, he's stated that he gives the Ukrainian accent to his favorite character for that season.
• Once per Season: Every season features "pineapple" as a codeword
  • Season 1 has it used to spring an ambush.
  • Season 2 has "Generica" give it to Violet as the phrase to send her to the Prime Material Plane.
  • Season 3 has it used to communicate with Winnifred.
  • Season 4 has piña used as an online library password.
  • Season 5 uses it to get into a prison.
  • Season 6 uses it as the safeword in the Gotterdammerung Grand Prix.
  • Season 7 has it used to access a secret drug den.
• Personality Powers: Shows up in two different forms
  • In Season 3, the residents of Ilium get "Totems" ghostly animals that help them and what animal each character gets is connected to their personality.
  • Season 4 introduces Conduits, a single concept that the character exemplifies which gives them powers related to that concept.
• Replaced the Theme Tune: From Lorelei onwards the theme music changes midway through each season. This typically accompanies some kind of tonal shift or plot development.
  Austin: We also have new music. Are you excited for that?
  Lauren: Oh shit, we do? Is it 'cause we did big shit?
• Running Gag: Is it smarter than Anne?
  • Season 3: Trinity, Rolen's horse, is smarter than Anne. Skitch specifically called back to "is it smarter than Anne" when introducing Trinity.
  • In Season 2, variations on the phrase: "He gives you fingerguns. You have no technological context for what they mean, but you like 'em." Eventually this becomes a common way of casting spells. Taken to it's logical extreme in Season 6 where S1m0n's Conduit of Gun allows him to shoot actual bullets from his fingers.
  • Alias (and eventually, other spellcasters) putting Violet to sleep whenever she gets too excited.
  • Leon's bad luck with dice is almost supernatural. His characters, despite having high stats, do very poorly due to constantly rolling low numbers and botching more frequently than everyone else put together. His bad luck only seems to relent when the situation becomes so unbelievably dire that a single roll will make or break his character, such as Rinaldo attacking Jayne and Violet making one last stab at the Spectator to prevent a party wipe.
  Leon: Wouldn't it be hilarious if I botched the last roll of the season? (Leon botches Violet's performance roll and breaks out in laughter as she slams into the punch bowl)
  • Lauren keeps confusing the 'killing the head vampire kills the other vampires' rule with other supernatural creatures. She's proposed this about werewolves at least twice now.
  • Bad things keep happening to libraries. So far two catch fire and two explode. The one in Valentine is initially the target of a heist, but Team Loser manage to bully their way into a JSTOR password so this is avoided. The Furies almost burn down the library in Purgatory, but opt to explore instead; although they've pointed out that they still have time to ruin it if they want.
• Spin-Off: The show itself is technically spun off of Word Funk. More traditionally, the credits section has been spun off into its own show on account of running on too long.
• Superficial Suggestion Box: In Season 8, the town of Grendal's new mayor (former party member Phillipa) sets up a suggestion box after being selected by sortition. Shoko the gremlin stuffs it with what are mostly ridiculous suggestions and demands, but she eventually makes a good point in asking that Neelith the squidling stop reading people's minds without permission.
• Theme Naming: Every season Austin has DMed has had a theme to the names of characters and sometimes locations.
  • Season 2 had everything named after musicians and songs
  • Season 3 had characters named after literary characters with locations being named after bones
  • Season 4 had characters named after people associated with secret societies
  • Season 5 had characters named after Nobel Prize winners
  • Season 6 had names taken from The Divine Comedy
• Throw It In!: The dungeon masters are quick to declare canon anything weird and funny suggested by the players such as the hierarchy of Jeffs from season 2 and the running gag of fingerguns ("You have no technological context for what they mean, but you feel pretty good about it").