As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.
"My friend, this is gonna be the closest shave you've ever had!"
Wilkins: I can getcha Wilkins Coffee, for a price...
Wontkins: I wouldn't touch it!
(Wontkins discretely gets shot)
Wilkins: There's no future in an attitude like that...
Wontkins: I wouldn't touch it!
(Wontkins discretely gets shot)
Wilkins: There's no future in an attitude like that...
While the Wilkins Coffee commercials are usually hilarious, some end up being genuinely terrifying.
- While it's also hilarious, the cannon advertisement can come off as very threatening.Wilkins: Okay, buddy, whaddaya think of Wilkins Coffee?
Wontkins: I've never tasted it!
(BOOM!)
Wilkins: Now, what do YOU think of Wilkins? - Wontkins is standing behind a guillotine, while Wilkins is holding the blade up with a rope.Wilkins: This machine will make you want a cup of Wilkins Coffee.
Wontkins: Not me. I'll—
(Wilkins lets go of the rope and the blade slides down, narrowly missing Wontkins)
Wontkins: ...take mine with cream and sugar. - Wontkins is tied up in an electric chair, while Wilkins is next to him holding a switch.Wilkins: Any last requests, like for a cup of Wilkins Coffee?
Wontkins: No!
Wilkins: You don't drink Wilkins?
Wontkins: No!
Wilkins: How shocking.
(Wilkins throws the switch)- Bonus points for Wontkins being visibly terrified and shaking throughout this conversation.
- "My friend, this is gonna be the closest shave you've ever had!
" - In this commercial, Wilkins stabs Wontkins to convince him to drink the coffee.
- One commercial showed Wontkins tied with ropes on a Conveyor Belt o' Doom slowly coming closer to a huge buzzsaw while Wilkins threatens to make him into two-by-fours if he doesn't drink the coffee. However, it's too late as we hear him getting shredded offscreen while Wilkins says "He always was a cut-up!".
- In this one, Wilkins and Wontkins are fencing with blunts, with Wilkins demanding that Wontkins salute Wilkins Coffee. Wontkins, as usual, tells him he doesn't drink Wilkins Coffee. We immediately cut to Wilkins cleaning blood off of his blunt blade, commenting "Some learn, some don't!"
- Wilkins in general is a pretty disturbing figure. Between his creepy appearance that's indistinct in terms of species, his eerily cheerful and forced sounding midwestern accent and his almost eldritch capability to warp reality in order to annihilate anyone who refuses to drink Wilkin's Coffee.
