You Won't Feel a Thing!

"...until I jam this down your throat!"

"Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill."

— Johnny Carson

...except you will.

When someone does something painful to someone else for any reason, they sometimes tell them that it won't hurt at all. This often turns out to be a blatant lie.

This is often done by doctors or friends of the patient who genuinely mean well, and are just trying to help them. However, it can also be used as a sarcastic Pre-Mortem/Pre-Asskicking One-Liner by someone who is about to inflict a lot of deliberate pain on their victim. Or to imply they'll die too quickly to feel anything.

Another common variant is "This may hurt a little", or alternately, "You might feel a slight tingling sensation". This variation tends to be popular with Mad Scientists. A particularly psychopathic or dickish character may instead say, "I won't feel a thing." Yet another variant would be the doctor or dentist saying "This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you."

Alternatively, the procedure will actually not hurt at all but it's the outcome that is the problem. Maybe the execution method or the forced transformation is painless, but the promise it will be so is a hollow distraction from the victim's fate.

Definitely Truth in Television, as anyone knows who has been to the dentist, ^note There even is an expression in French, "to lie like a teethripper", presumably based on it although it is increasingly averted as anesthesia gets better and starts to get used more widely. This is also a commonly-used phrase when children who are Afraid of Needles are involved.

Often used to set up False Reassurance.

Examples:

Anime & Manga

• Hange Zoe in Attack on Titan promises not to hurt the Titan she's fighting...and immediately killed it, saying a variation of this.
  Hange: See? Bet you barely felt a thing!
• D.Gray-Man (anime) averts this with Komui telling Allen, "When I get done with you, you'll be good as new. Though I must warn you, this will be traumatic."
• Digimon Adventure 02: Oikawa assures Ken it won't hurt when Oikawa extracts the Dark Seed from him. Whether Oikawa believed this or not, the way Ken groans in pain, cries out to his friends for help, and finally passes out clearly proves he was wrong.
• Exception. When a malfunction causes Lewis to be created as a comatose Humanoid Abomination, it's decided to Mercy Kill him and start the process again. Nina uses a sedative and muscle relaxant before the lethal injection to kill Lewis as humanely as possible, assuring him as she does the first injection, "You shouldn't feel a thing. You'll just start sleeping a little deeper than you are now." Unfortunately he does feel the injection, waking up and going on a rampage.
• Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle. When Haruo and Yuko are about to be forcibly assimilated by Mecha-Godzilla, Galu-gu (a more willing participant) tells them: "It only hurts in the beginning. You'll be at ease soon. Relax and surrender yourself."
• Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS has Nanoha saying "This is going to hurt a bit" to her daughter (who she is being forced to fight by the story's villain) during the finale before blasting her with five Starlight Breakers.
• Negima! Magister Negi Magi has Izumi Ako, who claims her needle (which is 1.8 centimeters thick, over a foot long, and inserted in the butt) isn't as painful as it sounds, but some of the members have a different opinion on that.
• Tenchi Muyo!:
  Ryoko: I won't hurt you... Too much!

Comic Books

• In Justice League Dark, Deadman uses the "This won't hurt me" variant on June Moone when entering her body.

Fan Works

• Advice and Trust had a variation when Ritsuko gave Rei an increased dosage of the emotional suppressants that she had spent several painful months purging from her systems. So it's the lack of pain (and every other emotion) that terrifies her.
• In the Discworld of A.A. Pessimal, Johanna Smith-Rhodes had to conclude an Assassins' Guild assignment despite having had her left arm broken ^note A wereleopard bit hard on her forearm. Granted she was wearing a silver-plated vambrace which forced the were creature to let go; but the force of the bite still broke her arm and reset by an Igor. Knowing the recoil will re-break her arm, she grits her teeth and concludes things with a powerful crossbow. Later, her irritated medical advisor, Matron Igorina, berates her for her bloody-minded stupidity and assures her, prior to resetting the arm
  This isn't going to hurt a bit. You will find it will actually hurt a lot.
• In the Gunslinger Girl fanfic And the Adventure Continues, Jethro does a After-Action Patch-Up on his cyborg Monty, so he tells her the antiseptic will sting to remind her to act like it does, because he's doing this in front of a witness who doesn't know about cyborgs. She gives a genuine wince when he uses superglue to fill in the bulletholes.
• Defied in the Lilo & Stitch fanfic Aliens! when the Boss has captured Senko and is attaching a device to him.
  Boss: Now, the difference between me and a doctor is that when I say "this isn't going to hurt a bit," I actually mean it. That is why I'm not going to say a thing.
• Rosario Vampire: Brightest Darkness Act III: In chapter 43, after Tsukune makes the others promise to kill him should the Holy Lock break completely and the ghoul resurface, Mizore promises him that she'll try to make it painless should it come to that. Fortunately, it doesn't come to that.
• In the Naruto fic White Rain, when Rina is ordered to be killed by a Grass genin, said genin uses a poisoned knife and reassures her that it'll be clean and that she'll "barely feel it." However, the genin is reluctant to go through with it, and his hesitation gives Yukio enough time to catch up with them and pull off a Big Damn Heroes moment.

Films — Animation

• Variation in Monsters vs. Aliens:
  Dr. Cockroach: Now, you might feel a slight pinch in the brain. Mwahaha... Sorry.
• Robots. After Rodney is assembled, an extra piece is found.
  Mr. Copperbottom: [chuckles] We did want a boy, right? [he takes the piece and a hammer] This won't hurt a bit, son. [he hammers the piece in, Rodney cries]
• Inversion in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie:
  Dennis: Don't worry, this'll only hurt a lot!

Films — Live-Action

• Bedazzled (1967): The Devil offers Stanley seven wishes for his soul. Stanley has misgivings and asks "But if you took it out, wouldn't it hurt?" The Devil replies "It's a perfectly painless operation, and afterwards you won't feel a thing!"
• Being There:
  Doctor Allenby: This won't hurt a bit. [sticks Chance with a needle]
  Chance the Gardener: It did hurt.
• Casper:
  Carrigan Crittenden: [stalking after Dibs, carrying a huge battle axe] Damn it, Dibs! This won't hurt a bit!
• Chill Factor: An assassin tells one of the protagonists, as she is about to execute him: "Don't worry, I'm a professional, this won't hurt a bit." Given an Ironic Echo a short while later after he ends up gaining the upper hand: "I'm an amateur, this is going to hurt like hell."
• Inverted in Creepshow, when Jordy Verrill dreams of what will happen if he goes to the doctor about the growth on his fingers. The doctor tells him the fingers will have to come off, then opens up a steam sterilizer and takes out a meat cleaver. "This is going to be extremely painful, Mr. Verrill," he says.
• In Cube Zero, the Cube surgeon at the end falsely assures Wynn that he won't feel anything of the lobotomy they're going to give him. The first thing Wynn does when they cut into his brain is to scream out in terror.
• The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008): Klaatu says "the pain will only be momentary."
• Lampshaded (then averted) in Deadpool (2016). Ajax tells Wade Wilson that he could speak in euphemisms ("This may hurt", "take a deep breath", etc.), but since he's completely insensitive (both emotionally and physically) he doesn't really give a crap, so he just says what he'll actually do: torture Wade mercilessly until his mutant gene activates. Then he proceeds to do exactly that.
• G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra: "This will only hurt a little. What comes next... more so."
• Hercules Returns. Ursus is trying to molest a barmaid. "Aww, come on now, you won't feel a thing. At least that's what my ex-girlfriends all tell me."
• Beautifully averted in Hook, where Hook is about to pierce Peter's son's ear and tells him 'Brace yourself, lad, because this is REALLY going to hurt.'
• As Glenn Talbot prepares to shove a nasty-looking drill-syringe in the Hulk's Death Glaring eye, he quips, "This might give you a bit of a sting here, Bruce..." He quickly discovers you Do Not Taunt Cthulhu.
• In The Island (2005), Doctor Merrick, under the pretense of administering "harmless nice tests", restrains Lincoln Echo Six to a chair and releases micro-sensors on his face, which then enter his body through the eye socket. Merrick even outright denies Lincoln's claim that it hurts. Little surprise he's the Big Bad.
  Dr. Merrick: Micro-sensors will move along your optic nerve. They'll be uploading readings to us over the next 24 hours. Afterwards, you'll pass them through your urine. Now that might hurt." (They did.)
• The Matrix: Morpheus averts this in the first film when he tells Neo, "Try to relax. This will feel, a little weird."
• The A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) reboot: "This won't hurt one… little... bit!"
• One of the tag lines for Michael Moore's Sicko (a documentary about health care in the US and around the world) is "this may hurt a little". Promotional materials also use "get well soon!"
• In Snow Dogs, this is the response that Dr. Brooks (and later his son Ted) give to dental patients who ask if it'll hurt: "A little. More than a tickle, but less than paying your taxes."
• Spectre: As Q prepares to inject Bond with a Tracking Device:
  Q: You may feel a little...(pushes the needle in)
  Bond: Christ!
  Q: ...prick.
• The Three Stooges: In the short I Can Hardly Wait, Curly needs to have a tooth extracted at the dentist, and Moe tries to convince Curly he won't feel a thing by sitting in the patient chair and explaining what will happen. The dentist comes in from the other room, quickly puts Moe to sleep with anesthesia, and proceeds to pull out Moe's tooth before Curly can tell him that he's supposed to be the patient.
• Similarly, in the The Three Stooges short Love at First Bite, Shemp manages to get his feet stuck in a bowl of cement after a drunken seltzer-water fight with Moe. Hey, these things happen... Moe and Larry decide to blast him out with dynamite, and say the trope phrase to reassure him.
• X-Men: Days of Future Past. As Kitty Pryde is about to send Wolverine's consciousness back in time she says, "This might sting a little." Cue agonizing scream from Logan and a Fade to White... then he calmly wakes up in The '70s gazing at a lava lamp, with Roberta Flack's version of "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" playing on the radio.

Literature

• Able Team: In "Warlord of Azatlan", Carl Lyons yanks a splinter out of a man's back because they can't afford to have him doped up on morphine while they're being hunted by a mercenary army, then quips, "I don't know what you're screaming about, that didn't hurt me at all."
• N°1 in Artemis Fowl mentions that one of his spells "might hurt a bit". Holly, who is about to receive said spell, immediately lampshades the trope to herself.
• The Discworld novel Men at Arms has the troll retrophrenologist truthfully informing his client "This won't hurt a bit" as he readies the mallet. (Phrenology being the pseudo-science based on determining a person's mental state and personality by measuring the skull and variations thereof. Retrophrenology "works" by introducing new variations to the skull to modify said mental state and personality...)
• In Ender's Game, Ender is told "it won't hurt a bit" to have his monitor taken out, but Ender knows that adults say that when it is going to hurt.
• In Castle Hangnail, the minions recall that the Mad Scientist who used to live in the castle often said things like this to his test subjects, and it usually wasn't true.
• Coraline, the Other Parents tell Coraline this when they try to convince her to let them sew the buttons on her eyes. Coraline doesn't believe them for an instant.
• Goosebumps has "Don't Go to Sleep!" see main character, Matt, jumping from body to body (and reality to reality) every time he falls asleep. Eventually he is captured by the reality police and is told he will have to drink a potion that will return everything to normal, but also kill him. Officer Lacy tells him that he should try to relax, it's just like going to sleep. It won't hurt.
• Carried to the point of sadism in Joanne Greenberg's I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, when five-year-old Deborah undergoes two operations for urethral cancer. She sees through all the Lies to Children and suspects they're planning to kill her. It's one of many factors that cause her to lose her mind later in life. And it's Truth in Television — happened to the author.
• The Murderbot Diaries. In Network Effect, Murderbot has to smash a computer containing two friendly AI's to destroy TargetControlSystem. The computer is shut down so Murderbot tells itself that they won't feel anything, while regretting that TargetControlSystem won't be conscious to feel it either.
• In The Mysterious Benedict Society, one of the Recruiters tells the children, "If you children stay nice and still, I promise this won't hurt a bit." The other Recruiter that is with him suggests, "Oh, come on, let's tell the truth for once. Just for kicks." The first Recruiter then admits, "All right, the truth is that this will hurt. A lot. But if you hold still, I promise it won't hurt for long."
• There's a sequence in Unwind where a Walking Transplant on the operating table is notified that he may feel something in his feet, but not to worry. Then, a little later, he's told that he may feel something in his legs. This proceeds far longer than you might expect.
• Vorkosigan Saga: Heavily discouraged by Miles Vorkosigan, when asked for advice on what to tell a kid who needs medical procedures, of which Miles has had a metric ton. His approach is to explain to the kid that yes, this will in fact hurt (if only a little), but that after a while the pain will go away. He also helpfully displays some of the various surgical scars he's acquired over a lifetime of pain as a yardstick for what really hurting ends up looking like, which calms the kid right down.

Live-Action TV

• Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Fitz manages to make an antidote to the ghost insanity, which comes in an epipen-like device. Unfortunately, it's not quite as easy as an epipen.
  Fitz: To counteract the psychosis, the serum needs to be delivered directly into the brain stem, so... the injector... needs to be placed at the base of the skull.
  Mack: Oh-ho-ho, no. Now, you know I don't like needles.
  Fitz: Well, I mean, it's a bee sting, really. [shows him the end of the device, which is some medieval hook and prong contraption]
  Mack: Oh hell— [pod drops away]
• Andor: Inverted when Cassian Andor has his blast wound treated by the rebel team on Aldhani, and is informed in advance that they're trying to save their pain meds.
• Blake's 7: In "Ultraworld", Avon is subjected to forced Brain Uploading and is told, "You will feel nothing. Ever again."
• Buffyverse:
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
    • In their very first fight in "School Hard". Spike boasts that the last Slayer he killed begged for her life, but...
      Spike: Tell you what; as a personal favor, from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit.
      Buffy: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.
    • A line cut from "Innocence" has Angelus saying, "It won't hurt a bit...after the first hour."
    • Subverted in "The Dark Age":
      Ethan: Now this may sting a little, just at first. But don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in.
    • In "Smashed", when Spike is about to eat someone:
      Spike: This might hurt a little...
    • In "Faith, Hope and Trick", a vampire takes a girl he's met at the Bronze into an alley and tries to bite her, saying, "Stop struggling, this won't hurt." Nope, but the pounding and staking she gives him sure does. Meet Faith, the Vampire Slayer.
  • Angel:
    • In "Parting Gifts", a demon is about to forcibly remove Cordelia's eyes.
      Demon: Now, be a good girl and hold still. This will only hurt a lot.
    • "Heartthrob":
      Doctor: Now, James, [lifts a scalpel] this shouldn't hurt [starts to slice into James chest] too much.
• Dark Matter (2015): Six goes to a doctor to get treated for an injury, but when the doctor runs a DNA scan he discovers that Six is a wanted man. Six can tell from his Oh, Crap! reaction that something is wrong, so when the doctor goes to inject him with a knockout drug in the guise of a painkiller, Six catches his arm.
  Doctor: Look, this won't hurt a bit!
  Six: Good. (jabs needle into doctor's neck)
• Doctor Who:
  • Averted in "Smith and Jones" when the Monster of the Week is about to suck out the Doctor's blood through a straw.
    "I'm afraid this is going to hurt. But if it's any consolation, the dead don't tend to remember."
  • "The Time of Angels" has this exchange:
    [River Song is preparing to give Amy a vaccine]
    River: Now, this won't hurt a bit. [injects Amy]
    Amy: Ow!
    River: See? I lied.
  • "Let's Kill Hitler": The Antibodies of a shape-shifting robot really don't like visitors, but they are pleased to inform you that your death will be very painless:
    Antibody: WELCOME. YOU ARE UNAUTHORIZED. PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE YOUR LIFE IS EXTRACTED. YOU WILL EXPERIENCE A TINGLING SENSATION AND THEN DEATH.
  • "The Girl Who Waited" has the following monologue:
    The Doctor: Amy, I just need to borrow your brain a minute. It won't hurt, probably. Almost probably.
  • "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship": Before injecting his father, Rory says, "This won't hurt". He then admits he lied.
  • The Doctor uses a slightly different method of calming Emma in "Hide" when she is about to open a gate to another dimension using her psychic abilities.
    Emma: Will it hurt?
    The Doctor: No. Well yes, probably. A bit. Well, quite a lot. I don't know, it might be agony. To be perfectly honest, I'll be interested to find out.
  • "The Name of the Doctor": The Doctor hooks Clara up to the TARDIS' psychic network, via snapping a wire to her hand.
    The Doctor: Won't hurt a bit.
    Clara: Ow!
    The Doctor: I lied.
  • Inverted in "The Night of the Doctor". The Eighth Doctor is about to take a potion which will make him regenerate into the War Doctor.
    The Doctor: Will it hurt?
    Ohila: Yes.
    The Doctor: Good.
  • In the mini-episode "The Last Day", a soldier is instructing another soldier in the use of his helmet P.O.V. Cam, which will record everything that happens to him in case he's killed in action.
    Soldier: From now on the head-cam is downloading directly to your memory. A tiny part of your brain is now a hard-drive. Takes up hardly any space; you won't feel a thing. Now, at the beginning sometimes this has side effects– [cut to hallucination of a screaming soldier]
  • In "Praxeus", the Doctor takes a blood sample from an astronaut infected by an alien pathogen.
    Adam: Ow!
    Doctor: I did say it'd hurt.
    Adam: No, you didn't.
    Doctor: Well, I meant to.
• Farscape:
  • "Coup by Clam". The crew of Moya are being examined by a doctor for Space Madness.
    John: Hey look I know you guys lie and all, but th-this is not gonna hurt too bad is it?
    Doctor: [cheerfully] Not a bit.
    [The doctor turns on his Mind Probe, causing John's head to light up as he shrieks in agony]
    D'Argo: [later] If you'd held your scream off one more microt I would have won the pool.
  • In "Scratch 'N Sniff" the bad guy abducts Jool so he can drain her body for a Love Potion.
    Fe'Tor: [Hand Gagging her] Trust me. It'll only hurt the first time.
• Game of Thrones: Inverted when Qyburn is about to amputate the infected part of Jaime's stump. Qyburn repeatedly tells him it's a bad idea (wanting to cut farther up the arm), and insists that the non-anesthetic procedure will be very painful. He's told to go ahead anyway.
• Get Smart. In "Someone Down Here Hates Me", Maxwell Smart is Strapped to an Operating Table by a doctor working for KAOS who cheerfully announces his intention to kill Max.
  Doctor: (holding syringe) This will just put you to sleep, Mr. Smart. You won't feel a thing.
  Max: And when I wake up, I'll be dead.
  Doctor: Exactly!
• Halo (2022). In "Emergence", Dr. Halsey's Expendable Clone asks Adun if the Brain Uploading will hurt. Adun says it will, but he has an injection for her...to ensure she won't move during the process.
• House episode "The Itch".
  Dr. Gregory House: You won't feel a thing... Except this excruciating pain.
  • In the episode "You Don't Want to Know": House drugs Thirteen making her think that she's displaying symptoms of a degenerative and fatal disease. She gets her chance for revenge when she does a biopsy on him.
    House: Feels like you already got the lung and kidney samples.
    Thirteen: (prepping a needle)' Now I just need a piece of your liver.
    House: Hey you might want to use a little bit of lidocain.
    Thirteen: Oh yeah, I forgot. (stabs House causing him to groan in pain) ...slight pinch.
• Kamen Rider Decade: Whenever Kamen Rider Diend uses the Final Form Ride power on another character, he assures them "It'll only hurt for a moment" — and then he shoots them in the back with his Transformation Trinket gun, which causes them to morph into something like a giant weapon or vehicle. In one episode, one of Diend's "victims" angrily informs him that it hurts a good deal more than he lets on.
• Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode "Death Roe":
  Beatrice Mailer: This won't hurt a bit. [Holding her father's bleeding hand, she squeezes lemon juice onto an open knife cut as he silently flinches] Remember the first time you told me that?
• Averted in the 9th season premiere of the Israeli sitcom Life Ain't All, in which Orli has become a dental hygienist. Although she gets extremely good results, to the point her patients’ teeth shine a blinding light when they open their mouths, she is seen explaining to one patient she has absolutely no aversion towards her patients' pain.
• Subverted in the M*A*S*H episode where the 4077th is soliciting blood donors to alleviate a shortage. Hawkeye and B.J. drag Frank kicking and screaming in protest as B.J. assures him, "It'll only hurt a lot!"
• Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Attack Of The Giant Leeches":
  Dr. Forrester: Now this leech [snip] when applied to the neck or head area, will suck any desire to smoke out of Frank.
  [Frank loudly protests]
  Dr. Forrester: But this won't hurt a bit.
• One Tree Hill episode "I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight": Luckily for Dan, it turns out to be a nightmare.
  Doctor: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing.
  Dan Scott: So tell me Doc, how many heart transplants have you done?
  [the doctor takes an electric saw from the nurse and turns it on]
• Raised by Wolves (2020). A male and female soldier get a damaged android medic to alter their appearance with plastic surgery so they can escape on The Ark. The man offers to go first, and gets a dose of morphine. At first he's told the pain will be marginal, then later he's told "This will hurt a bit more" and we hear him groaning in agony. By the time the female soldier returns from finding food the surgery is over and it's her turn, so he tells her "That didn't hurt a bit."
• Seinfeld: "The Glasses" has a inversion:
  Elaine: It's not going to hurt a lot, is it?
  Doctor: Yes, very much.
• Star Trek:
  • Star Trek: The Original Series: The episode "The Deadly Years" has three examples while the Enterprise medical staff is trying to figure out why Chekov was not affected by the Rapid Aging effect that struck the rest of the landing party.
    • Downplayed when Dr. McCoy tells Nurse Chapel to prepare Ensign Chekov for another physical. She tells Chekov, "This won't hurt... much."
    • Later on, Chekov complains about the multiple medical exams by repeating what he's been told during them.
      Chekov: "Give us some more blood, Chekov. The needle won't hurt, Chekov."
    • Dr. McCoy continues to test Chekov.
      McCoy: Now this isn't going to hurt a bit.
      Chekov: That's what you said the last time.
      McCoy: Did it hurt?
      Chekov: Yes!
  • Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. In "You Are Cordially Invited", Worf brandishes a huge knife at Dr. Bashir for a Klingon bloodletting ceremony and promises that the pain will only last a moment.
  • Star Trek: Enterprise episode "Similitude"
    Captain Archer: Dr. Phlox is going to have to perform an operation.
    Sim Trip at 8: Will it hurt?
    Dr. Phlox: Not at all. You won't feel a thing.
    Sim Trip at 8: Doctors always say that.
    • In "Singularity", Trip jokingly gives the line while scanning Captain Archer because he's building a custom-made Captain's Chair.
• A variant appears on The Wire's fourth-season premiere, where enforcer Chris Partlow prepares to execute a dealer in a vacant house.
  Chris: Don't fret, boss. I've got you covered. Quick and clean, I promise.

Music

• American Idiot: "Tell me, Jimmy, I won't feel a thing..."
• Averted in Emilie Autumn's "Take the Pill": Pull up your skirt, and yes it's going to hurt.
• My Chemical Romance's song "Disenchanted" from The Black Parade: "It was a lie when they smiled and said you won't feel a thing"
• Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb": "Okay, just a little pinprick [pling!]), There'll be no more (AAAAAAAAH!), but you may feel a little sick."

Theatre

• In Noah Smith's stage version of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Hyde says "This will only hurt for a moment" as he prepares to inject Utterson with the serum.

Toys

• From BIONICLE:
  Brutaka: But if you want people to believe you caught this dangerous criminal, you will need to look like you've been in a fight. A light tap to your head would do the trick, perhaps. My colleague, Vezon, can handle it — you won't feel a thing.
  Vezon: Ever again.

Video Games

• In a math and puzzle-based children's computer game, recreating a black and white image of one man holding a stone slab while another stands over him with a mallet, causes them to have this exchange:
  Man with Mallet: Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit!
  Man holding Slab: You're darn right it won't, I'm out of here! (runs)
• Doctor Zed's intro cutscene in Borderlands 2:
  Hyperion Jerkbag: I'm starving! I wanna eat your babies!
  Zed: Son, this might sting a little. (violently stabs Hyperion jerkbag with gigantic needle)
• In The Curse of Monkey Island, Guybrush needs to get some hair from an old dog.
  Guybrush: Okay fella, this won't hurt a bit. (plucks hair) Hey, I guess it didn't hurt a bit. He must be shedding.
• The Mad Dok of Dawn of War had a similar line.
  Mad Dok: It's gonna hurt a lot, but it'll make you feel bettah!
• In the second Killer Escape game, you're captured and strapped down by an insane dentist called the "Tooth Fairy". As she gets ready to torture you with her tools, she utters a variant of this line.
  Tooth Fairy: Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit...it's gonna hurt a lot!
• In Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories:
  Larxene: (to Repliku, who is about to have his memories erased and rewritten) Relax, kiddo, I don't think it's gonna hurt... much.
• Towards the end of The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel, Sharon Krueger, the Severing Chains subverts this. She shows up to help the instructors of Thors fight the Soldats units. She says that she'd say "You won't feel a thing," but admits point-blank that do so would be an untruth.
  Sharon: The pleasure of being bound, exposed and vulnerable, is a thrill like no other. Would you care for a little demonstration? I'd say you won't feel a thing, but...that would be lying. (heart emoticon)
• Delivered during the climax of Mystery Case Files: Broken Hour, when Meredith Huxley is trying to shank the Master Detective:
  Meredith: "Stop! Death brings to pain. Come with me!"
• In Octopath Traveler, Combat Medic Alfyn is fond of using this phrase at the start of a battle. There he can poison enemies, chop them up with a battleaxe while calling it an "amputation"... or heal party members.
• Played for Black Comedy in Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal.
  Courtney Gears: Don't be afraid, Ratchet. The transformation doesn't hurt... (chuckles evilly) much.
• Inverted by Team Fortress 2's Medic:
  The Medic: All I can tell you about zis next procedure is zat it will be... excruciating!
• At one point in The Walking Dead: Season Two, Clementine has to help disinfect Kenny's eye, which was severely injured in a previous episode. You are given the choice to either say the trope name or be more honest about how painful the procedure is going to be. Or, if you're feeling extra dickish, make it sound like it's going to be extra painful.
  • This trope is inverted with a vengeance in Episode Two of The Walking Dead: Michonne. After Sam gets shot in the shoulder while fleeing from Randal and his flunkies, Michonne has to extract the bullet from the wound (which is graphically oozing blood, by the way) and then cauterize it with a red-hot fire poker while Sam is screaming at the top of her lungs, all capped off with what Michonne says before she does it.
  Michonne: Not gonna lie. This is gonna really fucking hurt.
• World of Warcraft reintroduced Khadgar to players in the Warlords of Draenor expansion, who tasked them with retrieving materials to make a legendary-quality ring. The first time he upgrades it, the character takes major damage and he apologizes for neglecting to mention the character would be "slightly killed". The second time, whereupon the player is more savvy to how this is going to play out, he tells you that it'll barely hurt - and then stops and corrects himself; it will, actually, hurt a lot. (Unsurprisingly, it does.)

Webcomics

• Darkbolt: Inversion when Johji extracts Destruction.
  "Is this gonna hurt?"
  "A lot."
• Friendly Hostility: Charlotte, a Mad Scientist in training, uses her father's employee Derringer as a guinea pig for a machine labelled "Schroedinger's Derringer". "Now in a moment you may or may not feel a tingly death..."
• Girl Genius. "This will hurt slightly less if you do not move."
• Defied in an Imagine Spot during Sydney's interview in Grrl Power
  Doctor: Prepare the nerve weasel!
  Sydney: That's painless right?
  Doctor: Oh my, no.
• Oglaf: Stalker (This page SFW, others may not be)
  Nurse 1: Yess! We promissse many thingss!
  Nurse 2: "Thisss will not hurt" iss our ffavorite!
• In Schlock Mercenary, in order to avert this, a specialized way of measuring pain was developed. The doctor can now tell you precisely how much your pain will rate on the ouchdammitometer.

Western Animation

• The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius: Jimmy Neutron is usually asked this whenever he tests his inventions on his friends.
  Carl: Is this gonna hurt?
  Jimmy: Oh no, I'll be fine.
• In the Batman Beyond episode "Meltdown", Dr. Lake tells Mr. Freeze "You may feel some momentary discomfort" during the procedure to transfer his mind from his head (all that remains of him) to a new cloned body. After being betrayed by Lake, Freeze retaliates, using the same line just before freezing her.
• Used twice by Ben in Ben 10:
  • In the original series, Ben defeats a cyborg Rojo by merging with her as Upgrade and says, "This won't hurt a bit" before adding, "Okay, I lied".
  • In Alien Force, Ben goes on a rampage across Bellwood as Big Chill. His rampage is interrupted by a couple of police officers shooting at him (which Ben evades by going intangible). When Julie begs Ben not to hurt the cops, Ben simply replies "They won't feel a thing" and then freezes them.
• Bozo: The World's Most Famous Clown and his kid sidekick Butch are in a horse costume in an effort to stop horse thieves Short Biggie and Big Shorty in the cartoon "Horse Thief Grief." As Big Shorty prepares to apply a branding iron to them, he says "This is gonna hurt you more than it does me, horsie!"
• Buzz Lightyear of Star Command has an extended version while introducing Torque as the Villain of the Week: Zurg, seeing that Torque shares a hatred of Buzz but also lacks the method to act with it, decides to tweak his genetics a little bit. The catch (of which Zurg is fond) is that the procedure to "power-up" Torque is going to hurt. Very hurt. Very very hurt. Zurg warns Torque just before the operating machinery begins its work; however, the machinery has already been activated and operates very loudly, and Torque can't hear him:
  Zurg: [as the noise of the operating machine reaches a peak] Did I mention the operation will be excruciatingly painful?
  Torque: What was that, Z?
  Zurg: Oh... ah, never mind! [giggles]
  [Zurg exits the operating room and closes the door as we hear Torque begin to scream]
• Courage the Cowardly Dog: Dr. Vindaloo describes the implantation of a Kangaroo Monster's bone as a "very delicate procedure" which is really just hammering the bone into Eustace's back (and later Courage). And when he removes the bone from Courage's body, he claims there won't be any side effects which is also proven wrong by Courage hopping as he exits his office.
• Doc McStuffins: The whole clinic staff uttered this exact phrase to an uneasy Niles while trying to get his bandages off. Of course, Niles was expecting it to hurt. Inverted in that they proceeded to carefully take off most of the bandages while Niles wasn't paying attention, so he naturally felt nothing when Doc told him it was time to take them off and pulled a little piece of bandage still on him.
• Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, "Seeing Red": Terrance says to Mac before beating him up "This will only hurt for a second." The line becomes a Running Gag throughout the episode, and at the end is given an Ironic Echo by Bloo: "Don't worry, it'll only hurt for a week."
• Futurama: In "Fry and the Slurm Factory", Professor Farnsworth has everyone stand behind him and wear goggles while he uses a handheld "F-Ray" to see inside Bender. Despite insisting that you only need the goggles to be safe, the professor also dons a complete hazmat suit and a lead apron before finally facing Bender.
  Professor: You may feel a slight stinging sensation... [looks behind him] ... all of you!
• Heckle and Jeckle inverts this in "Log Rollers." When Powerful Pierre punches Heckle in the face, Heckle says he didn't feel it. Then he goes catatonic and falls on his back unconscious.
• I Am Weasel: "I. R.'s Phantom Foot":
  Red Guy: This won't hurt...
  [Red Guy squeezes Baboon's injured phantom foot together, making him squeal in pain]
  Red Guy: ...me.
• Looney Tunes: At the climax of "Baby Buggy Bunny," Bugs Bunny has robber Baby Face Finster over his lap spanking him. Bugs quips "Believe me, Finster, this hurts you more than it does me!"
• The Penguins of Madagascar: "Roger Dodger":
  Roger: A mind-switching machine. Is this gonna hurt?
  Kowalski: Just a slight pinch, followed by the brief sensation of a thousand suns exploding in your skull.
• Parodied in the Rocko's Modern Life episode "Scrubbin' Down Under," right before Clean Gene the Hygiene Genie is about to use a rather painful-looking drill to get the spinach out of Rocko's teeth, he tells Rocko "Now this is going to hurt you a lot more than it's gonna hurt me."
• The Simpsons:
  • "The Springfield Files":
    Dr. Nick Riviera: Don't worry. You won't feel a thing... [exhibits a swirling mechanical device] ... till I jam this down your throat!
  • "Brother from Another Series":
    Cecil: There may be a slight ringing in your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.
  • "The Great Money Caper":
    Magician: Don't worry Marge, you won't feel a thing. You'll feel four things!
  • "Eternal Moonshine of the Simpson Mind"
    Dr. Frink: Now you'll feel a slight pinch, followed by an extremely painful pinch...
• Total Drama episode "Who can you trust?":
  Chef Hatchet: [holding a needle] This won't hurt a bit... [taps the needle] It'll hurt a whole lot.
• Star Trek: The Animated Series episode "The Pirates of Orion":
  Dr. McCoy: [about to give an injection] This won't hurt a bit, Spock.
  Mr. Spock: An unnecessary assurance, doctor, in addition to being untrue.
  Dr. McCoy: That's the last time I waste my bedside manner on a Vulcan.
• From the obscure and long-since-canceled G4 series Portal (no relation to the game): "I was going to keep you as my personal music slave! Now I think I'll pull your stomach out and wear it as a man-purse! Don't worry, it'll only hurt for thirty minutes!"
• Star Wars: The Clone Wars: In "Lair of Grievous" Grievous' medical droid says "There may be...some discomfort" before removing his damaged face plate to replace it. Given the way Grievous screams and shakes when the thing starts to be peeled off, this was a major understatement.
• Superman: The Animated Series. Inverted in "Main Man" when Lobo is advancing on Superman brandishing a crowbar.
  Lobo: Now, the more you move, the more it's going to hurt, so...feel free to go crazy.
• Ultimate Spider-Man episode "The Iron Octopus":
  Doc Ock: This won't hurt... for long.
• In one episode of The Venture Brothers, Hank ends up ingesting Goliath serum, which would supposedly make him explode. He asks Brock to kill him if a cure can't be found in time. Brock assures him that they will cure him. Hank is comforted by this, but is still curious and asks Brock how he would kill Hank if it was necessary. Brock immediately tells him that he would snap Hank's neck in an instant and that he wouldn't feel a thing. Hank is a bit unnerved by how quickly Brock responded, realizing that Brock had given the matter some thought.

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There, that wasn't so bad, was it?

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