Dr. Colossus: Bah! He was a rank amateur compared to... Dr. Colossus!
So you want to become a supervillain. Here's a handy guide to accomplishing this, in several easy steps!
- Plot to, and make an attempt to, deprive a population of a basic necessity, such as the sun, or the world.
- Kick the Dog every chance you get, even if the logic of the action doesn't make any sense or is detrimental to your goals.
- Hate goodness and puppies.
- Note: If the reason you hate good and cute things is because it is your weakness, you are already a cartoonish Supervillain, and need go no further on this list.
- Have your plans foiled at least once by one or more of the following:
- A rag tag group of freedom fighters.
- a Do-Anything Robot
- Teenagers with attitude.
- A Farm Boy.
- Meddling kids.
- A Talking Animal
- A reluctant everyman out of his element.
- Some combination of the above.
- Have a new plot every week for the aforementioned group(s) to foil.
- Have a theme or a gimmick; something as broad as "Mad Scientist who wants to Take Over the World/city/Tri-State Area" works if pursued with style and variety, but you really want to have a theme — ice and coldness, or riddles, for instance.
- Hate Christmas. Other holidays are allowed, but Christmas is a must.
- Join a political party the writer dislikes.
There is one thing you must never, ever do to be a true Cartoonish Supervillain:
This doesn't mean you have to fail at every step of your plan, because it's a well known fact that You Can't Thwart Stage One. You'll probably get to rob the bank or build the Doomsday Device, and you usually get to escape when it goes pear-shaped. But beyond that, you're pretty much screwed. Don't forget to shake your fist, swear you'll be back and never re-use any of your old plans. It's all part of the supervillain flair.
Warning: If you somehow end up in a Post-modern work, expect sudden success, but also expect to face lots of real-life consequences of actually leading a criminal organization or villainous movement. Then again, you might end up on top due to people feeling that Evil Is Cool, so enjoy it while it lasts.
