Just For Fun / Quotes That Make Sense In Context: Live-Action TV

Return to the main page here.

---

Sally: She cares about you so much she is upstairs about to have sex with another man.
Dick: [thrilled] She would do that for me?!

—3rd Rock from the Sun The other man is an Evil Twin.

"I know those pots aren't flowers... they're my mother's vagina!"

—Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock Jack finds out after his mother's death that she was in a lesbian relationship with her live-in nurse, and he denies it despite a large number of signs in her house, including very suggestive pottery. He says this when he finally stops denying it.

"Now, you've destroyed the world's most dangerous sandwich!"

—Leopold Fitz, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., "The Hub". While on a mission with fellow agent Grant Ward to disable a device capable of triggering any weapon across the planet, Fitz offers to share said sandwich with Ward, who throws it away, arguing that its scent would attract guard dogs searching for the pair. Fitz then accuses Ward of enjoying delusions of being an action hero, belittling him with the above line.

"Why would the shape-shifting pilgrim boy leave us at a time when the Detroit pineapple crop was being threatened by a giant potato bug?"

—Jimmy the Robot, The Aquabats! Super Show!

"He defecated through a sunroof!"

—Chuck McGill, Better Call Saul A few years before the events of the series, the titular character, by then known as Jimmy, knew a guy named Chet, who apparently did something bad to him (the details don't matter according to Jimmy, althought it might have been owing him money or Cheet sleeping with his wife). One day, Jimmy got drunk and saw Chet. Deciding to get revenge on him, Jimmy climbed on the sunroof his car and defecated through it, not realising Chet's children were in the car. Jimmy had to use his brother Chuck's help to avoid being registered as a sex offender, Chuck uses this event a few years later during his Villainous Breakdown to try and justify how Jimmy shouldn't be a lawyer.

"So come on sandwich, build me a lemon because froggy wants to come home."

—Howard, The Big Bang Theory Howard was using Spy Speak and was actually requesting Bernadette to build him a rocket so he could get home from outer space.

"STOP BEING ORANGE!"

—Gustav, Big Time Rush He's speaking to James who had gotten hooked on using spray tan to the extent that his skin turned orange.

"You tried to shoot me with a box last night."

—Pops, Blackish Pops was going through Dre's house late at night, and the kids were in their parent's bedroom with them out of fear, since nobody knew it was Pops. They all tell Dre to get the gun he bought, but it turns out he never took it out of the box. He eventually gets the box open, and tries to pull the gun out, but before he can, Pops opens the door, and Dre points the gun, still in the box, at the door, ready to shoot the intruder, and he almost did shoot, before he realized that it was just Pops.

Mother's Milk: Kid, you are fucking unbelievable! All you had to do was watch porn!
Hughie: I didn't know he was going to set himself on fire!

— The Boys (2019) The Boys had enacted an Enemy Mine with Lamplighter, a pyrokinetic Supe and former member of the Seven, in order to rescue Annie. Hughie was tasked with keeping him out of the way by way of being forced to watch Supe-themed porn parodies. When they got involved, Lamplighter discovered that in the time he was at Sage Grove, Vought got rid of his statue in their headquarters. In retaliation, he lit himself on fire directly in front of it which set off the alarms, much to MM's exasperation.

"Jesse, look at me. You are a blowfish."

—Walter White, Breaking Bad In an attempt to boost his confidence, Walter compares Jesse to a blowfish; Weak and easy prey, but can puff up to look more dangerous than it really is and scare off bigger, scarier fish. During this monologue, Jesse is thought by various gangsters to be the one who smashed a guy's head with an ATM, although in reality it was the guy's wife, and he could use it to make himself more intimidating to those gangsters then he really is.

"We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel."

—Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Gingerbread"

"I put the Christmas tree down with some Pussy."

—Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear (UK) During the Christmas news segment Clarkson among other things brought energy drink called Pussy. Later in the same segment Richard notes got burned from the candles. Hammond then put said notes under the tree and therefore set it on fire. Which lead to Clarkson pouring the above named energy drink on the tree

"We've known each other for almost two years now. And yeah, in that time I've given a lot of speeches, but they all have one thing in common: they're all different. These drug runners aren't going to execute Pierce because he's racist. It's a locomotive that runs on us, and the only sharks in that water are the emotional ghosts that I like to call fear, anchovies, fear, and the dangers of ingesting mercury. Because the real bugs aren't the ones in those beds. And there's no such thing as a free Caesar salad and even if there were, The Cape might still find a second life on cable, and I'll tell you why: el corazon del agua es verdad. That water is a lie! Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave satellite transmissions. So maybe we ARE caught in an endless cycle of screw ups and hurt feelings, but I choose to believe that this is just the universe's way of molding us into some kind of super group [...] like the Traveling Wilburys of pain."

—Jeff Winger, Community It's actually a composite of several separate speeches, all of which took place offscreen at different points in the series.

"I'm gonna eat spaceman paninis with black Hitler, and there's nothing you can do about it!"

—Troy Barnes, Community Troy wants to enroll in a trade school known for cult practices. Their entry exam involves a black man dressed as Adolf Hitler and a spacesuit-clad man pressing paninis, to make anyone who reveals their secrets sound too ridiculous to believe.

Troy Barns: "Uh... Guys? What does a pregnancy test look like?"
Jeff Winger: "Oh, it's like a thin piece of plastic with a thing on the end of it."
Troy Barns: "Okay, so this is DEFINITELY a gun!"

—Community

"The pen and the eraser are taking the pencil home."

—Bill Cosby, The Cosby Show Vanessa's boyfriend had just said that he and she go together like a pencil and an eraser, and Bill had wondered if that made him and his wife the pen and ink.

"Now drop your weapon, or I'll kill him with this deadly jelly-baby."

—The Doctor, Doctor Who, "The Face of Evil". He's bluffing, but because he's talking to a tribe of primitive humans, his bluff had the potential to work.

Mickey: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
The Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!

—Doctor Who, "The Girl in the Fireplace". The Doctor and company had discovered several time portals on a spaceship, including one in the shape of an antique fireplace, all of which led back to pre-revolutionary France.

"Whatever you've got planned, forget it! I'm the Doctor. I'm 904 years old. I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the Constellation of Kasterborous. I'm the Oncoming Storm, the Bringer of Darkness, and you... are basically just a rabbit, aren't you? Okay, carry on. Just a... general warning."

—Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who, "The Day of the Doctor". He's looking for a shapeshifting alien, but his detection equipment keeps malfunctioning, leading him to give this speech to an ordinary rabbit he believed to be the shapeshifter.

"Don't be lasagna."

—Twelfth Doctor, Doctor Who, "Into the Dalek" He's explaining to Clara that holding your breath while being miniaturized will result in you exploding like lasagna that's been microwaved without first having a hole poked in the plastic film on top.

"I've killed Bradley Cooper!"

—SPC Chubbowski, Enlisted His platoon were practicing bayonet drills on straw dummies while yelling "Bradley. Cooper!" in unison for rhythm, and he destroyed his dummy

"My sister's gonna have my baby!"

—Frank Jr., Friends His sister (Phoebe) had just underwent an embryo transplant to serve as a surrogate mother for Frank and his wife Alice, and Phoebe had just taken a pregnancy test which came back positive.

Thomas: The garden view comes with the screaming woman!

Mary: You gets used to it after 100 years!

—Ghosts (UK) The screaming woman is Fanny, a ghost who died by being pushed out of a window by her husband. Every night she re-enacts it by falling out of the same window herself. Captain has recently moved into the room that said window is in, and is complaining about it. He says he won’t move again because he wants the garden view, to which Thomas says this, and Mary replies by saying that, since they’re all dead, she’s gotten used to it.

"The attacker was six foot. Mr. Inward stands at two foot nine. Exactly the same."

—Vanessa, The Goes Wrong Show They're performing a legal drama, but the courtroom set was accidentally built far too small, meaning Chris (playing the defendant) is forced to crouch while she measures him. However, the script says that he's supposed to be exactly the height she initially gave.

Jason: So, you know how me and you used to be married when I was dead before?
Janet: Mm hm?
Jason: I think I'm starting to catch feelings again for you.
Janet: Mm hm?
Jason: And if I don't double-die in this IHOP, and the judge lady doesn't turn you into a marble... do you wanna try being boyfriend-girlfriend?
Janet: I'm not a girl. But yes, I'd very much like to go on a date with you somewhere sometime. As opposed to here, which is nowhere at all the times.

—The Good Place Janet has No Biological Sex but appears female; Jason died, met Janet in the afterlife, married her, then got his death reversed which erased his memories of the afterlife; IHOP in this situation stands for "Inter-dimensional Hole Of Pancakes"; and the only way to kill Janet is to turn her into a marble.

"Peter, is your social worker in that horse?"

—Will Graham, Hannibal, "Su-Zakana". Peter was framed for murder by his social worker, who killed his favorite horse when he tried to tell the police. He attacked the social worker and sewed him into the dead horse so he could feel what it was like to be buried and/or to metamorphose him into a better person.

"Did Guy the Guy Guy get you a Baby Guy?"

—Ted, How I Met Your Mother Since Barney often has a "guy" for everything (i.e. someone who can get him things), he has a guy called Guy who can help find him new guys. Ted asks him this when he sees Barney with a baby.

"I hope they have free express shipping in heaven."

—Robyn, Jessica Jones (2015), "AKA Take a Bloody Number". Robyn is saying her final goodbyes to her dead brother Ruben, specifically referring to an iPad charger that arrived after Ruben's death, as Robyn talked him out of express shipping.

"Ms. Walton. What...color is my tie?"

—"Jimmy Popodokolos" aka Nate, Leverage, "The Lost Heir Job" He's speaking to the client of the episode, a woman running a nonprofit organization who's trying to prove she was named in the will of her biggest donor Bennett Kimball despite the machinations of Kimball's corrupt lawyer, while she's on the stand and Nate is pretending to be an attorney. At the end of the episode, Nate has pieced together several disjointed pieces of information to determine that Ruth is in fact the long lost child of Bennett Kimball, with his question meant to demonstrate the first piece of evidence: her color-blindness, something both Kimball and her biological mother had.

"I'm only gonna say this once, boys: give me the...teddy bear."

—Eliot, Leverage, "The (Very) Big Bird Job" Said teddy bear had a hidden camera inside that had damning footage of the team's latest mark, a shipping company CEO, and was stolen earlier in the episode by the company's security team.

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to be escorted out of a dairy aisle dressed as butter?!"

—Joey, Liv and Maddie Mrs. Kneebauer had changed Ridgewood High's mascot from a porcupine to a giant stick of butter, a move that was hated by everybody except Joey, who got to wear the mascot costume. The day after the change, the statue in the main hall was vandalized, and all evidence pointed to Maddie. At the end of the episode, Maddie realized the true culprit was Artie, who had not only gone out of his way to plant evidence framing her, but also give the others Rooneys alibis. In Joey's case, he sent an anonymous email telling him him he was to be cutting the ribbon at a supermarket's new dairy aisle. Since that obviously wasn't true, Joey had to be escorted out by security.

"Give me the meat and give it to me RAW!"

—Durin to Elrond, The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power Seeing his friend very hesitant and ashamed to speak to him for some reason, Durin asks Elrond to just spill out everything and tell him the truth behind his visit in Khazad-dûm.

"You think this is my first snake and security guard on bunny man and giant chicken fight?"

—Diego, Mr. Young, "Mr. Spring Break" While preparing to fight Adam, Diego called on his security guard and pet python to help. Slabb then came to back up Adam while dressed in a bunny suit, along with a giant chicken named Sasquawk

"Quack, damn you!"

—Jamie Hyneman, MythBusters The MythBusters are testing the myth that a duck's quack does not echo. Unfortunately, they have early difficulties with getting the ducks to quack in the first place.

"Do we want to talk about why I just got hit in the head with a thumb?"

—Kari Byron, MythBusters After a rig mishap winds up shattering some artificial hand casts.

"Isn't this your specialty? Helping people when the phone rings?"

—Root, Person of Interest She's part of a vigilante team that works to prevent violent crimes predicted by an Artificial Intelligence, who relays information to them via phone. In this case, however, they just got a call for help from an M.I.A. teammate, and Root is determined to stage a rescue despite the strong implications that it is a trap.

"Take a shot at the President, now!"

—John Reese, Person of Interest He's telling Shaw to fire on the President to keep him from reaching a vehicle that's been targeted to be blown up by a hacked drone as part of an assassination attempt.

"Take it easy, this is my first time yelling at a bag of chips!"

—Cabe Gallo, Scorpion The team is attempting to save a fellow prodigy from kidnappers and are spying on them via video feed. Toby notices that the kidnappers yelling is causing a bag of chips to shake, and gets the idea to figure out what they're saying by having Cabe, who is the only person with a deep enough voice to match, speak the phonetic alphabet into an open chip bag of their own, record how the bag reacts and then turn what they find into audio. At first Cabe starts with the English alphabet, which the team quickly corrects him over, thus prompting the above line.

"Yes! I am the king of gay chicken!"

—Ben, Scrubs Chicken is a game where one player wins if the other backs out, but something bad happens to both players if neither back out. In "gay chicken", the two players are men, and they lean into each other so that, if neither back out, they kiss each other on the lips.

"You know, Darren, if you'd told me twenty-five years ago that some day I'd be standing here about to solve the world's energy problems, I would've said you were crazy. Now let's push this giant ball of oil out the window."

—Kramer, Seinfeld He was testing the idea of filling a giant rubber ball with oil and pushing it out the window to see if it can restrain the impact for the benefit of oil tankers.

"It appears we have lost our sex appeal, captain."

—Tuvok, Star Trek: Voyager The starship Voyager encounters a swarm of space-based life forms which attach themselves to its hull, sapping its energy. After the crew realizes that they're trying to mate with the ship, a larger member of the species attacks it, treating it like an aggressive rival. The crew perform maneuvers that make the ship look submissive, the "rival" stops attacking and the others break away.

"Get this cheese to sickbay."

—B'Elanna Torres, Star Trek: Voyager, "Learning Curve" Neelix fermented his own cheese, and the bacteria he used are causing damage to the ship's organic computer components.

Dukat: Major, I must say I'm shocked. You use my daughter to lure me here, you're asking me to risk my ship on some fool's errand into the Klingon Empire, and you're pregnant. I hope First Minister Shakaar appreciates what a lucky man he is.

Kira: Shakaar's not the father.

Dukat: Then who is?

Kira: Chief O'Brien.

— Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Apocalypse Rising" During the previous season, Keiko O'Brien, who was pregnant at this time, was seriously injured in a shuttle accident, and her son was transferred into Kira's body to save them.

"MY EYES! MY EYES ARE DELICIOUS! ¡MUY CALIENTE!"

—Ron Colburn, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert In response to the former Deputy Chief of the U.S. Border Patrol defending the use of capsaicin-based OC pepper spray on migrants at the Mexican border because it's so natural that "you could actually put it on your nachos and eat it", the reporter in the sketch filled Colburn's airtight chamber with pepper spray.

"King Kong movie, get out of my house!"

—Chip Esten, Whose Line Is It Anyway? In the game Party Quirks, one player hosts a party and has to provide a relatively accurate guess as to the bizarre personalities the other players are portraying; Chip has just figured out Wayne's personality as "cut footage from King Kong vs. Godzilla" after Wayne accidentally lifted an audience member's skirt up.

"A 200-year old baby? Do ye think I'm an idiot? I brought ye here to tell me when it will happen, and instead, ye brought me the bloody Case of Benjamin Button."

— Geillis Duncan, Outlander She's given a cryptic prophecy to which her associate has interpreted into her needing to kill a baby born 200 years between man's attack (when the baby is conceived) and woman's curse (when the baby is born) in order to give rise to a Scottish king.

Ava: To cut a long story short, Gary nip-notized everyone.
Nate: No, you're gonna have to explain that.

—Legends of Tomorrow Gary made a deal with a demon in which his severed nipple was returned to him, with the power to turn into an eye and hypnotize people. He then used this hypnotic nipple to brainwash an entire secret organization into serving the demon.

Steve Harvey: YES! KILL! KILL!

—Family Feud He's very enthused that someone on a team with two strikes finally managed to guess the second most common response to a question of "I would [blank] for sex".

Host: Kevin, your dog just died.
Kevin: {is sad for a moment, but then poses for the camera like nothing happened}

— Manhunt: The Search for America's Most Gorgeous Male Model The host is coaching Kevin to emote sadness by presenting a scenario to him.

"Spicy, medium, or chunky. They get a choice, of course! OF COURSE! But they are buying salsa."

—Mr. World, American Gods (2017), "Lemon Scented You" He's making a metaphor for the illusion of individualism in America under the New Gods' control.

"I mostly just read Zootopia porn, so..."

—Jade Wesker, Resident Evil (2022), "Welcome to New Raccoon City" This odd piece of snarky dialogue is in response to the Umbrella representative stating how luxurious the new house the Wesker girls have been given is, which they didn't want to move into in the first place.

"Mrs. Forman, I'm sorry I washed my face with your ovaries."

— Fez, That '70s Show, "Over The Hills And Far Away" Kitty Forman uses some soap bars to awkwardly explain what menopause is, and as he leaves, Fez says this to her.

"It's very complex. If the pizza-man truly loves this babysitter. Why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she's done something wrong."

—Castiel, Supernatural, "Caged Heat" He's watching a porn movie, but since he's an angel who is severely out of touch with humans, he's confused by what he's looking at.

"Dean? Did you service Oberon, King of the Fairies?"

—Sam Winchester, Supernatural, "Clap Your Hands If You Believe" Dean and Sam are investigating people being abducted by fairies, with Dean having previously been taken by them. An expert on fairy folklore tells them her personal opinion that people abducted by fairies, firstborn sons like Dean, are taken to Avalon to "service" Oberon, leading Sam to ask this question.

"Now the library is more than just a quiet place to shiv someone."

—Damage Control Supermax Prison employee, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law "The People vs. Emil Blonsky" He's giving a testimony at Emil Blonsky/Abomination's parole hearing, attesting to how Blonsky has redeemed himself and works on reforming the other inmates.

"Alright, let's fuck the wife. Consensually."

—-Hughie Campbell, The Boys, Season 2 Episode 7, "Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker" Hughie was tasked with keeping unstable ex-Supe Lamplighter busy while the rest of The Boys go off to gather intel. Lamplighter chooses to spend the time watching Supe porn parodies, and vents to Hughie about how worthless he feels, saying that it's like he's a guy watching helplessly as he gets cucked. When the news breaks that Starlight has been incarcerated as a traitor, Hughie convinces Lamplighter to go with him to Seven Tower to save her, putting it as another porn metaphor: does he wanna be the guy sitting on the sidelines getting cucked, or does he wanna fuck the wife? Which leads to...

Eleven: I piggybacked from a pizza dough freezer.
Max: ...What?

—Stranger Things, "The Piggyback" To save Max from Vecna, El must "piggyback" (enter her mind). She usually does this by submerging in a sensory deprivation tank, which her group has replicated through a pizza dough freezer filled with saltwater.

Tim Robinson: You know what’s really driving me nuts? It could literally be any one of us! Oooooh!

Man: No it couldn’t! You’re dressed like a hot dog!

—I Think You Should Leave With Tim Robinson, “Hot Dog Car Sketch” A hot dog-shaped car was crashed into a store in an attempt to break in and rob it. The man in the hot dog suit tries futilely to deny that he was the driver.