The Simpsons Season 7 / Funny

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Season 7: Part 1

129. - "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 2"

Tito Puente composes a slanderous mambo for revenge on Mr. Burns. It’s called "Señor Burns".
Wounds won't last long, but an insulting song, Burns will always carry with him.
So I'll settle my score, on the salsa floor, with this vengeful Latin rhythm.
Burns!
Con un corazon de perro
¡Señor Burns!
El diablo con dinero
It may not surprise you, but all of us despise you.
Please die, and fry
In Hell
You rotten
Rich old wretch!
¡Adios, viejo!
Smithers has a dream that Mr. Burns is alive, in his shower, and part of a campy 1960s crime show called Speedway Squad: In Color!
Seymour Skinner tells the police his alibi for not shooting Mr. Burns. While he was planning to attack Mr. Burns himself after the meeting, he was in the men's room putting on camouflage make-up at the time of the shooting. In the flashback, we see that Seymour has mixed up his camouflage make-up with his mother's make-up, noticing too little too late. Then Superintendent Chalmers walks in...
Flashback Chalmers: Oh, excuse me, ma'am—
Flashback Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!
Flashback Chalmers: (realizes it's Seymour) ...Oh my God... [BANG!]
Chief Wiggum: So, Chalmers can vouch for your whereabouts?
Skinner: Oh, yes. But anything else he says is a filthy lie.
At the police station, we're introduced to Dr. Colossus, a supervillain so terrible, Chief Wiggum managed to arrest him.
Smithers: When [Mr Burns] blocked out our sun, he crossed that line from every day villainy to Cartoonish Supervillainy.
Dr. Colossus: BAH! He was a rank amateur compared to Dr. Colossus!
(Colossus starts laughing, activating his belt, which causes his boots to extend and smack his head against the low ceiling)
Dr. Colossus: (defeated) When's my lawyer getting here?
Moe Szyslak takes a lie detector test.
Eddie: Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
Moe: No! [buzz] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him. [ding]
Eddie: Checks out. OK, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] A date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. [buzz] ...Sears catalog. [ding] Now would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
When Homer violently shakes Mr. Burns, he snaps him out of his stupor of saying nothing but "Homer Simpson"... and it turns out that, even then, he still doesn't remember his name.
Mr. Burns: Smithers, who is this beast that's shaking me?!
Homer: (totally snaps) D'OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!
(he grabs Chief Wiggum's gun and points it at Burns's head; the other cops point theirs)
Homer: SAY IT, BURNS! SAY I NEVER SHOT YOOOOU! ...before.
A bemused Burns points out why Homer couldn't have shot him:
Mr. Burns: Your kind possesses neither the cranial capacity, nor the opposable digits to operate a firearm.
Mr. Burns demands that Springfield Police arrest Maggie for being the true culprit behind his shooting:
Chief Wiggum: Heh! Yeah, right, pops. No jury in the world's gonna convict a baby! Hmmm... Maybe Texas.
Jasper's response to Smithers' apologies for shooting him in his fake leg: "You shot who in the what now?"

130. - "Radioactive Man"

When the director is flipping through the magazine, we see all these full page ads for Film Utah, Film New York, etc and then they suddenly stop at the ad that says "Flim Springfield" "This place must be hot! They don't need a big ad or even correct spelling!"
The running gag with people's hats flying off in moments of surprise - thanks to malfunctioning air conditioners.
Principal Skinner makes an announcement about the Radioactive Man movie to the children.
Skinner: (over the PA system) Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man—
Nelson: Radioactive Man, stupid!
Seymour: ...Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that.
The entirety of the campy 1970s Radioactive Man show (which the director does not want the movie to be like).
- The best part has to be the bit where everyone, including the villains and some girls in midriff tops, miniskirts and go-go boots (including one who looks like a bald Amy from Futurama), start dancing.
"I keep telling you! He's seventy-three years old, and he's dead!"
- "Granted, but-"
Moe's recalling the time when he was a member of The Little Rascals, in particular the moment his career ended when he beat the crap out of Alfalfa after he stole his bit of looking into an exhaust pipe and getting a face full of soot.
Stage Hand: CUT! Oh my god, he's killed the original Alfalfa!
Moe: (back in the present) Yeah. Luckily, Alfalfa was an orphan owned by the studio.
"Now that's real acid, so I want to see goggles people!" "... real acid?"
After Rainer is then swept up into said real acid (with only his goggles for protective equipment) as it flows off, he makes this sadistically humorously, immortal statement:
Rainier: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
After Milhouse goes missing, the film's editor says they can use existing footage to finish the film without him. The results speak for themselves.
(Radioactive Man is facing a bunch of muscular guys alone)
Radioactive Man: (forcefully to a corner of the screen) Looks like we're in trouble, Fallout Boy.
(cut to Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy on a sunny field)
Fallout Boy: Jiminy-jillikers, Radioactive Man!
Radioactive Man: (back in the cave) We'll have to fight our way out. Are you ready?
Fallout Boy: (sitting in a living room) Yes.
(cut to Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy fighting aliens on the moon)
Editor: Seamless, huh?
Producer: (beat) You're fired.
Editor: (still smiling) And with good cause!
Milhouse being fed up with the repetitiveness of filmmaking.
Director: We've got to do the "jiminy-jillikers" scene again, Milhouse!
Milhouse: (seething with anger) But we already did it! It took seven hours, but we did it! It's done!
Director: Yes, but we've got to do it from different angles! Again and again! And again and again and again!
(Milhouse is forcefully dragged out)
While searching for Milhouse in his usual haunts, Bart checks in on a graphic artist scribbling away on a spirograph in a dark warehouse:
Bart: Yo, Dr. S! Have you seen Milhouse today?
Dr. S: No.
Bart: Okay, thanks. (he turns to leave)
Dr. S: Wait! (Bart stops) Did you know there's a direct correlation between the decline of Spirograph and the rise in gang activity? Think about it!
Bart: I will.
Dr. S: (darkly) No, ya won't... (he returns to his spirograph)
Homer's laze-off with the teamsters.
An incredible piece of Insane Troll Logic from the special effects crew of the film:
(A bunch of men are on the film's set painting horses black and white, as Martin and Ralph look on)
Martin: Why don't you use real cows?
Man: Cows don't look like cows on film. Gotta use horses.
Ralph: What do you do if you want something to look like a horse?
Man: Eh. Usually we just tape a bunch'a cats together.

131. - "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"

Lisa reacts to bullies hanging her shoes over a phone wire: "HEY! Those are prescription shoes! I need them!".
The Child Welfare officers end up running over a tricycle after hearing that the Simpson kids may be living in squalid conditions.
Marge and Homer's visit to the sauna.
Marge Simpson: This is so relaxing. Homie, this was a wonderful idea.
Homer: Yeah. If that mafia guy weren't staring at us, I'd take off my towel.
Don Vittorio: (offscreen) Oh, don't mind me. Look, I do it first!
(Marge and Homer's eyes go wide in shock/horror)
Rod and Todd become traumatized from watching the Itchy and Scratchy episode called "Foster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!".
In the class for becoming improved parents, Cletus Spuckler tells Homer about cutting himself on the screen door. Then Homer shouts "Why you COTTON PICKIN'!" and strangles him.
- Afterwards, Homer and Cletus make up as part of the test.
  Homer: (realizing the entire class is staring at him) No... gotta ride this one out for my kids. (to Cletus) Son, let's stop all the fussin' and a'feudin'.
  Cletus: I love you, Pa!
  Homer: I love you, Cletus!
Ned's panicked phone call to Reverend Lovejoy after he finds out that the Simpsons kids were not baptized:
Ned: Reverend! Emergency! I- you see- the Simpson kids - idily - baptisim - odily - th - Doodly-diddly!
Lovejoy: Ned, have you thought about one of the other major religions? They're all pretty much the same.
Homer and Marge are trying to find Ned, who's about to baptize their kids.
Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: OK, OK, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! (thinking) I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and — (aloud) The Springfield River!^noteHe's right.
Homer has a momentary lapse into spiritual peace after saving his son from a lake baptismal, only to bark, "I SAID, 'SHUT YOUR UGLY FACE, FLANDERS!'" when Flanders asks him what he just said.
- Likewise, his absurdly melodramatic reaction to taking the baptismal, acting as though he'd been doused in acid.
The message Marge gets when she tries to call the kids at Flanders':
Message: "The number you have dialed can no longer be reached from this phone, you negligent monster."
Marge testing positive for crack and PCP after passing the parenting class.
- After re-testing and being found clean, Marge claims that the only thing she's high on is love for her son and daughters.
  Marge: Yes, a little LSD is all I need!

132. - "Bart Sells His Soul"

As the church service begins, Bart tricks everyone into singing "In The Garden of Eden" by I. Ron Butterfly. During the song, Reverend Lovejoy finds out it is rock music, and a beach ball bounces on his head. The scene ends with Mrs. Feesh (the church organist) collapsing (after playing the entire song -- which is 17 minutes long).
Rev. Lovejoy: Wait a minute, this sounds like rock and/or roll!
(a beach ball bounces off Rev. Lovejoy's head)
- Homer reminds Marge of the times when they used to make out to the "hymn". Marge sniggers and then shushes him.
Milhouse tells Reverend Lovejoy it was Bart that changed the hymn. Then they both are punished by having to clean the church’s organ.
Bart: You shank! How could you squeal on me?!
Milhouse: Sorry Bart, but I don't want hungry birds pecking at my soul forever.
Bart: "Soul?" Come on Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul. It's just something made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson!
Milhouse: But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. Why would they lie? What would they have to gain?
(cut to Rev. Lovejoy putting the money from the collection plate into a coin counter)
- Also, after Reverend Lovejoy scares Milhouse into squealing on Bart with threats of hell and punishment, he first drags Bart out for the above punishment, but then reappears and pulls Milhouse out too, declaring "You too, snitchy!".
When Moe tells the bar regulars his intentions to turn the Tavern into a family restaurant, or in his words, "Someplace where you wouldn't be embarrassed to bring your families!"
Homer: I'm not embarrassed. (Put Maggie on the counter)
Moe: Hey, put a coaster under that!
Moe gets a deep fryer for his new family restaurant.
Moe: Heh Heh. I got it used from the Navy. You could flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.
Homer: 40 seconds? But I want it now.
When Bart is unable to laugh after selling his soul:
Lisa: Pablo Neruda said that laughter is the language of the soul
Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
Let's go over this series of events: Bart's bike gets sucked up by a street sweeper, seemingly destroyed before his eyes... only to be spat out shiny and polished like new! ... Except it all falls apart the moment he sits on it. Then the driver of the street sweeper laughs wickedly at Bart's misfortune, showing that he did indeed do it on purpose. Then, because he's too busy laughing at Bart to watch the road, he plummets into the subway station, his laugh echoing as the vehicle explodes below, leaving Bart with a bewildered expression.
Moe is seen twitching his face in front of the camera at the end of the commercial for his restaurant.
Moe ends up suffering a breakdown while running "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag." His behavior causes all the diners to leave.
After Bart is unable to form condensation on the freezer window:
Jimbo: Way to breathe, no-breath!

133. - "Lisa the Vegetarian"

The absolutely pathetic depiction of the Big Bad Wolf blowing down the Three Little Pigs' house. Maggie enjoys it, Marge looks disappointed, Bart and Lisa look embarassed and Homer thinks that it was good, but not great.
During the depiction of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, one of the bears discovers someone sleeping in his bed - and it's Grampa because it was hot in the car.
- Mere seconds before that, the Mama Bear robot was malfunctioning, having very limited motions and its voice sounding very distorted,
Bart taking off in the todderville trolley train. The train then goes through a tunnel he's too big to get through, and it ends up being dragged along with him through the tracks before crashing into a woodsman statue. The statue then falls over, decapitating the mother goose statue, which causes the toddler riders to happily cheer.
Bart: So long, suckers! (promptly gets caught in the tunnel)
At the Storytown Village petting zoo, the Simpson family sees three lambs. The first one is slightly less adorable than the two that follow it, and it steps in front of the third one.
Homer: (shoves the first lamb away) Outta the way, ewe!
Homer spots Ned Flanders having a family reunion.
Homer: Hey Flanders!
Entire Flanders Clan: Hi-diddly-ho, neighborino!
Homer: Shut up!
Entire Flanders Clan: Okily-dokily!
- Also, Lord Thistlewick Flanders, who seems to be the only dignified member of the family.
  "Charmed. (Ned nudges him; he rolls his eyes exasperatedly) Uh, a googely... doogely."
Homer tells Ned he will have his own barbecue party, and then accidently invites him.
At the dinner table, Lisa has decided to stop eating meat.
Homer: So, you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah, right, Lisa! A wonderful, magical animal! (chuckles)
- Also at the table, Homer tries to get Lisa to eat the meat by saying, "It's lamb, not a lamb!".
  Lisa: What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me?
  Bart: This one spent two hours in the broiler.
- Marge suggests other things she could cook besides lamb, but Lisa keeps thinking about the animals that they came from. For hot dogs, she pictures... a pigeon, a rat, a raccoon, and a boot.
Bart and Homer form a "You Don't Win Friends with Salad" conga. Marge also joins in — not to take sides, but because it was catchy.
During the worm dissection.
Worm: (bleating) Lisa, what did I ever do to you?
Lisa: Why does it talk like a lamb?
Lisa attempts to get lunch at school after becoming a vegetarian.
Lisa: Uh, excuse me? Isn't there anything here that doesn't have meat in it?
Lunchlandy Doris: Possibly the meatloaf.
Lisa: Well, I believe you're required to to provide a vegetarian alternative.
Lunchlady Doris: (puts an empty hotdog bun on Lisa's tray, deadpan) Yum. It's rich in bunly goodness.
Lisa: Do you remember when you lost your passion for this work?
(Lunchlady Doris looks shocked and presses the independent thought alarm)
Skinner's reaction to the Independent Thought Alarms:
Skinner: Hmm, two independent thought alarms in one day. The children are becoming over-stimulated. Willie, remove all the coloured chalk from the classrooms.
Wille: I WARNED YAH! DIDN'T I WARN YA?! That chalk was forged by Lucifer 'imself!
Principal Skinner introduces the pro-meat film.
Skinner: Good morning class. A certain... agitator... for privacy's sake let's call her... "Lisa S." No, that's too obvious... let's say "L. Simpson"... (Lisa facepalms as everyone in the class stares at her) has raised questions about certain school policies. So, in the interest in creating an open dialogue, sit silently and watch this film.
The entirety of the pro-meat propaganda filmstrip. Right from the start with "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such educational films as "Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun" and "Firecrackers: The Silent Killer"
Troy McClure: Just ask this scientician. (scene cuts to a scientist in a lab)
Scientist: Uhh... (scene cuts away)
Troy McClure: He'll tell you that, in nature, one creature invariably eats another creature to survive. (images of various animals attacking and eating others appear) Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
(dramatic zoom on an exceptionally placid-looking cow in a field, complete with threatening music)
- The film contains images of a shark leaping out of the water to attack a gorilla, an eagle swooping down and carrying away a fully-grown sheep, and a dog catching a Frisbee.
After watching the film, Lisa complains.
Lisa: They can't seriously expect us to swallow that tripe.
Skinner: Now as a special treat courtesy of our friends at the Meat Council, please help yourself to this tripe.
Lisa hits her Rage Breaking Point when Homer tries to serve Bart a burger, only to accidentally throw it too high and into Lisa's room, unwittingly nailing her right in the mush.
Lisa: It's bad enough they're all eating meat. They don't have to rub it in my face. (SPLAT!)
Lisa uses the riding lawnmower to push away Homer’s barbecue pig.
Marge: Bart, no! (Bart is shown standing next to her)
Bart: What?
Marge: Sorry, force of habit. Lisa, no!
Homer and Bart chase the runaway pig after Lisa pushes it down a hill.
(the pig rolls through some bushes)
Homer: It's just a little dirty! It's still good, it's still good!
(the pig rolls through a busy roadway and ends up in a river)
Homer: It's just a little slimy! It's still good, it's still good!
(the pig gets stuck in the river dam and is blown away into the sky by the water pressure)
Homer: It's just a little airborne! It's still good, it's still good!
Bart: It's gone.
Homer: (quietly) I know.
(scene cut to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant)
Mr. Burns: You know Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!
(Smithers and him both laugh, then the pig goes flying past the window)
Smithers: Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, I'd still prefer not.
Around the breakfast table after Lisa ruins the barbecue:
Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: (wearily) Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: (to Homer) You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup, homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not, not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case!
Bart: Uhhh, Dad. Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart! Go to your room.
Lisa: Why don't you just eat him, Dad!
Homer: I don't need any serving suggestions from you, you barbeque-wrecking Know-Nothing Know-It-All!
Lisa: THAT'S IT! I can't live in a house with this prehistoric carnivore! I! AM! OUTTA HERE! (storms out)
Homer: That's it! Go to your room!
Apu has a secret garden on the roof of the Kwik-e-Mart, the entrance being hidden behind the non-alcoholic beer section.
Lisa: What do you do if someone wants a non-alcoholic beer?
Apu: You know, it's never come up.

134. - "Treehouse of Horror VI"^note

A. - Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores

When the "ionic disturbance" brings the giant advertising mascots on Springfield's main commercial street to life, the three Zip Boys, Maury, Mel, and Mack (parodies of Manny, Moe, and Jack, the mascots of real garage chain Pep Boys) jump down from the garage roof... and immediately fall over, as their giant heads make them top heavy. They walk away, dragging their heads along the ground, as the stereotypically Jewish garage owner berates them for leaving in the middle of the night and scratching up their heads.
Among the other mascots that come to life is a giant tam-o'-shanter, which is seen crawling over buildings like a giant manta ray in the background of Kent Brockman's piece to camera on the rampage - a piece that is interrupted when a billboard of Kent comes to life and grabs the hapless anchor.
Chief Wiggum mistakenly shoots at an absurdly tall basketball player, thinking him to be one of the giant advertising characters come to life.
Wiggum: Aw, they're not so tough.
Lou: Um... Chief, that wasn't a monster. That was the captain of the high school basketball team.
Wiggum: Um, yeah, well, he was turning into a monster.
As Homer is relaxing in the giant donut he somehow got into the living room, the doorbell rings and the giant Lard Lad statue is waiting for him. Despite being taller than the Simpsons' house and clearly capable of smashing it with his bare hands, he chooses to get Homer's attention by ringing the doorbell. And after Homer's attempt to divert him by getting him to smash Flanders' house only buys him a few seconds, he returns and... rings the doorbell again. The real icing on the cake is Homer's almost complete nonchalance at the sight of a live - and angry - Lard Lad outside his house.
Homer: [opens front door] Hello? Yes? [looks up and sees Lard Lad] Oh. [laughs nervously] Uh, if you're looking for that donut of yours, um... Flanders has it. Just smash open his house.
[Homer shuts the door as Lard Lad leaves]
Homer: [to himself] He came to life... Good for him.
[loud smashing is heard, then loud thumping and the doorbell; Homer opens the door and sees Lard Lad again]
Ned: [runs past on the street] Help me, Lord!
Homer: [insistently] I TOLD YOU! Flanders has it! ...Or Moe. Go kill Moe.
Marge pulls up in the station wagon with the kids and intervenes with Lard Lad:
Marge: Homer, just give him the donut. Once he has it, that'll be the end of all this horror!
Homer: (as Lard Lad impatiently drums his fingers) Well... okay, if it'll end horror.
(cut to Lard Lad triumphantly holding his donut... then he grins maliciously and starts smashing houses with it, kicking away Santa's Little Helper who barks at him)
Homer: (turns to look at Marge) Don't you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?
Marge: Sometimes...

B. - Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace

In the playground, the kids talk about the ways Groundskeeper Willie has been after them. Nelson walks in looking all neat, tidy and shiny, because he was run over by a floor buffer in his dream.
In a brilliant case of Black Comedy, Martin Prince ends up dying at school. Lunchlady Doris tries to wheel his body out without drawing any attention to it, but Principal Skinner is standing on a corner of the sheet covering his body, which is yanked off and reveals his screaming corpse. Everyone in the classroom is horrified, prompting Skinner to have the body quickly removed from the classroom - only for it to end up being taken into the Kindergarten room by accident, which causes Skinner to facepalm.
Willie delivers Martin's death with a Pre-Mortem One-Liner that would make Freddy Krueger proud:
Martin: Aha! Morire: to die. Morit: he, she, or it dies.
Willie: Moris: YOU die. You've mastered a dead tongue, but can you handle a live one? (Tongue shoots from his mouth like a tentacle, ensnaring Martin and then squeezing him to death with it.)
Marge informs Bart and Lisa about the death of Groundskeeper Willie, leading to a flashback:
Marge: (voice over) It all started on the thirteenth hour, of the thirteenth day, of the thirteenth month. We were there to discuss the misprinted calendars the school had purchased.
Homer: (shivering, looking at the calendar) Oh, lousy Smarch weather. (spots the thermostat with a note from Willie over it; reads it aloud) "Do not touch Willie." Good advice! (turns it up)
While Willie's death is horrific, there is still some hilarious Mood Whiplash.
[as Willie is engulfed by flames from the furnace, he screams and grabs the doorknob to the boiler room; cut to a PTA meeting with attendees including Homer and Marge, Ned and Maude Flanders, Clancy and Sarah Wiggum, Kirk and Luann Van Houten, and others]
Skinner: Our next budget item: $12 for doorknob repair.
Parents: [in unison] Nay.
[back in the boiler room, the doorknob falls apart; a still screaming Willie grabs a fire extinguisher. Back at the PTA meeting...]
Skinner: ... recharging discharged fire extinguishers. Now, this is a free service of the fire department.
Parents: [roughly in unison] Nay.
Homer: Nay.
[back in the boiler room, Willie tries spraying himself with the fire extinguisher, but it's empty; he roars in frustration, smashes down the boiler room door, and staggers down the hallway to the PTA meeting, on fire from head to foot]
Willie: HELP! PLEASE HELP ME!
Skinner: Willie, please, Mr. Van Houten has the floor.
[Willie, still on fire, calmly sits down in the corner]
Kirk: Uh, I for one would like to see the cafeteria menus in advance, so parents can adjust their dinner menus accordingly. Uh, I don't like the idea of Milhouse having two spaghetti meals in one day.
In the final showdown, Bart calls for help from Lisa, only for them both to realise this meant she fell asleep.
Lisa: (as Willie prepares to kill them) Goodbye, Bart.
Bart: Bye, Lis. Hope you get reincarnated as someone who can stay awake for fifteen minutes!
After Willie is defeated in Bart's dream, he shows up at the Simpson house and has a hilariously pitiful attempt to scare Bart and Lisa. Then the bus leaves and Willie realizes he left his gun on the seat. He also loses a shoe while trying to catch up with the bus on foot.

C. - Homer³^noteA.K.A. "Homer Cubed"

Homer enters the Third Dimension and is amazed by what he sees.
Homer: (thinking) O Glory of Glories. O heavenly testament to the eternal majesty of God's Creation. (speaking) Holy macaroni!
As Homer explores more of the dimension he is in, he comments on the experience, and then ends up making a mistake.
Homer: Man, this place looks expensive. I feel like I'm wasting a fortune just standing here. (a 3D cone is seen bouncing around in the background; during a long pause, Homer scratches himself) Better make the most of it. [BELCH!] (the 3D cone hits Homer in the butt) OW! Watch it, coney! (he grunts as he throws the cone away, and it lands point first into the ground, creating a sinkhole that also functions as a black hole) Whoops.
Chief Wiggum gets tired of hearing Professor Frink explain the Third Dimension and decides to act.
Chief Wiggum: Enough of your borax, poindexter! A man’s life is at stake! We need action! (draws his gun and fires several bullets into the wall entrance) Take that, ya lousy dimension! (Inside the Third Dimension, Homer narrowly avoids getting blasted by Wiggum's bullets)
Homer screams "CRAAAAAPPPP!" after getting sucked into a black hole.
The black hole ends up taking 3D Homer into the real world, which he deems "The worst place yet!". He seems to forget all his troubles (and the awkward looks from humans) when he notices a nearby bakery selling erotic cakes.

135. - "King-Size Homer"

Waylon Smithers and the hired goons who work for Mr. Burns (and the Disney Corporation) break into the men’s restroom and drag Homer out — all because he wants to get out of 5 minutes of calisthenics.
Dr. Hibbert refuses to take part in Homer's personal weight-gain plan.
Dr. Hibbert: (gasps) My god. That's monstrous! I have never heard of anything so neglec— (sighs) I'll have no part of it. (turns his back on Homer)
Homer: Can you recommend a doctor who will?
(beat)
Dr. Hibbert: (turns around and thinks it over; then smiles) Yes.
(scene cut)
Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody!
Bart & Homer: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Dr. Nick Riviera explains to Homer a few ways to make gaining weight go faster.
Homer: What can I do to speed the whole thing up, doctor?
Dr. Nick: Ah, be creative. Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use Pop-Tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.
Bart: You could brush your teeth with milkshakes!
Dr. Nick: Say, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College, too?
As Homer is eating food at Krusty Burger, Bart hands him a fish sandwich. Homer isn’t too sure about eating it, so Bart rubs it against the wallpaper, turning it clear. Then a bird flies right smack into the clear spot.
When Homer reaches his goal weight, he decides to buy "something billowy" to wear over his now giant frame. So he heads to Vast Waistband:
Salesman: Well, sir, uh, many of our clients find pants confining, so we offer a range of alternatives for the ample gentleman: ponchos, muumuus, capes, jumpsuits, unisheets, muslin rolls, academic and judicial robes...
Homer: I don't wanna look like a weirdo! I'll just go with a muumuu.
Homer mocks traffic as he stays home from work, due to experimental monkeys taking over the freeway.
Homer: Hee-hee-hee! I pity those poor suckers on the freeway. Gas, brake, honk! Gas, brake, honk! Honk, honk, punch! Gas, gas, gas!
Homer casually walks to work-at-home computer.
Homer: 8:58, first time I've ever been early for work. Except for all those daylight savings days. Lousy farmers.
Immediately after the above, Homer tries to work out how his computer starts up:
Homer: "To start, press any key." Where's the "Any" key? I see "Esc" (pronounced "esk"), "Ctrl" (pronounced "kuh-tar-uhl") and "PgUp". (pronounced "pig up") There doesn't seem to be any "Any" key! Whew, all this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a Tab. (presses the "Tab" key, computer starts up) Huh? No time for that now, the computer's starting!
Bart envisions growing up to be housebound and obese like his dad, saying "Ah wash mahself with a rag on a stick!". He then chases a squicked out Lisa with his imaginary rag on a stick.
The reveal of where the vented radioactive gas goes: to a cornfield outside the plant.
Farmer: (seeing the devastation) Aw, no, mah corn! Paul Newman's gonna have my legs broke.
As he is working, Homer discovers that his work can be done at a faster rate.
Homer: Well, give me a Y, give me a... Hey! All I have to type is Y. (to Marge) Hey, Miss Doesn't-find-me-attractive-sexually-anymore, I just tripled my productivity!
Marge: Good. Good for you.
In the basement, Homer cleans the hat he wears with his muumuu.
Homer: Mmm... I can feel three kinds of softness.
Lisa: Dad, what are you doing down there?
Homer: Washing my fat guy hat, honey.
At the Aztec Theater, Homer is denied entrance into the movie because of his size and all the people who are watching laugh at him.
Homer: Shame on all of you. Give me my dignity! I just came here to see "Honk If You're Horny" in peace!
Manager: Sir, if you'd just quiet down, I'd be happy to treat you to a garbage bag full of popcorn.
Lenny and Carl walk past the rumbling nuclear tank.
Carl: Hey, that thing's going caca cuckoo.
Lenny: Who cares? It's Homer's problem.
Homer tries to call the nuclear plant to warn about the potential explosion, but his fingers can’t press the right numbers because they are too big.
Homer: I gotta call the plant and warn 'em. (he picks up the phone and ends up pushing several buttons at once; multiple tones are heard simultaneously, followed by the warning tone)
Telephone Operator Lady: The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now. (Homer shrieks, drops the phone, and runs out the front door)
Homer: I'll have to shut it down myself! Fat, don't fail me now! (he climbs into his Sedan and all 4 tires instantly go flat) D'oh! (He jumps on to Bart's skateboard and it snaps in half. Since both modes of transportation have been rendered useless, Homer resorts to roadside hitchhiking while holding a sign that reads GIVE ME RIDE OR EVERYBODY DIES.)
In order to stop a nuclear explosion at the power plant, Homer hijacks an ice cream truck. After briefly showing another calisthenics exercise at the nuclear plant and the tank shaking more vigorously than earlier, the scene cuts to the school bus that Otto drives.
Ralph: I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.
Lisa: Hey, my dad may have gained a little weight, but he's not some kind of food crazed maniac!
(Lisa looks out the bus window and sees Homer passing the school bus in the ice cream truck, eating an ice cream cone)
Homer: Mm ah! Oh, that's raspberry! (Lisa moans)
Homer drives the ice cream truck through the fence, and some employees get excited and run after it.
Homer: Get away, damnit! Run for your lives!
Worker #1: I'll take a rocket pop!
Worker #2: What can I get for 30 cents?!
Homer: Let go! I gotta get to the tank!
(the truck crashes and tips on its side; Homer runs out)
Worker #3: (looking at the roof of the ice cream truck after it flipped over) Heck, I can't decide without the pictures.
Homer ends up stopping a nuclear explosion at the plant.
Lisa: I think it's ironic that Dad saved the day while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once Dad's butt prevented the release of toxic ga—
Marge: BART!
Afterward, Mr. Burns agrees to help Homer lose the extra weight he gained.
Mr. Burns: Now Homer, if there is anything else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask.
(Homer looks at his family and sees how hard his obesity has made life for them)
Homer: Mr. Burns, can you make me thin again?
Mr. Burns: I guarantee it.
(at night, Mr. Burns and Homer are the only two people at the plant; Homer strains as he tries to do a sit-up)
Mr. Burns: (through megaphone) One. (Homer groans, but can't even come close to a sit-up) One! (Homer groans again, but still can't do it) ONE! (Homer groans yet again, and is still no closer to a sit-up; Mr. Burns throws the megaphone on to the ground in frustration) Bah! I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction!
Homer: WOO-HOO!

136. - "Mother Simpson"

Homer uses a dummy to fake his own death. Many of the other nuclear plant employees believe that he really did die, including Mr. Burns and Waylon Smithers.
Mr. Burns: (surprisingly sad) Smithers, who was that corpse?
Smithers: (increasingly sad and teary) Homer Simpson, sir... one of the finest, bravest men ever to grace Sector 7-G! (sobs, the becomes calm and bureaucratic again) I'll cross him off the list.
Before that, as "Homer" goes down the waterfall, Lenny and Carl watch and give commentary.
Lenny: Oh, good, those beavers will help him.
Carl: Oh, no, they're biting him! And stealing his pants!
Homer goes to the Springfield Hall of Records to change his status of deceased back to alive. He demands to see what is in the government file and the bureaucrat agrees without complaint.
Homer: (reading on computer screen) "Wife: Marjorie. Children: Bartholomew, Lisa"—aha! See? This thing is all screwed up! Who the heck is Margaret Simpson?
Bureaucrat: Uh, your youngest daughter.
Homer: (mockingly) Uh, your youngest daughter.
The sign on the Hall of Records states "not the good kind of records - historical ones".
Homer goes and visits (what he has believed for a long time to be) his mother's "grave".
Homer: "Here Lies... Walt Whitman?!" ARRRGH! DAMN YOU, WALT WHITMAN! I! Hate! You! Walt! Freaking! Whitman! Leaves of Grass, my ass!
Homer, looking for what he thinks is his mother's grave, stumbles on the plot Patty and Selma bought for his own fake death, resulting in this:
Why does my death keep coming back to haunt me?!
From Homer and Mona's reunion:
Homer: I thought you were dead.
Mona: I thought you were dead.
Gravedigger: Dang it, isn't anyone in this dang blasted cemetery dead?
(in the grave beside him, Hans Moleman pops out of a casket)
Hans Moleman: I didn't want to cause a fuss, but now that you mention it...(the casket starts lowering into the grave)
Chief Wiggum tries to radio an APB on Homer and Mona.
Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a...Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, you better start with Greektown.
Joe Friday: That's "Homer J. Simpson," Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Chief Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB, but could you bring us back some of those, uh...gy-ros?
Joe Friday: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet. (Wiggum's wallet unfolds in his hand, revealing a long chain of family photos)
Later, Mr. Burns attempts to storm the Simpson home in a tank in order to arrest Homer's mother Mona, who sabotaged his chemical lab in The '60s.
Mr. Burns: (in the tank) I've been waiting 25 years for this moment. (he plays a cassette tape of "Ride of the Valkyries." It switches into ABBA's "Waterloo"; he glares at Smithers)
Smithers: I'm sorry, sir, I must have taped over that.^note
- Not to mention the priceless look on Burns' face when his precious moment is ruined.
- Then they storm the house to that music anyway.
Grampa Abe stalls the FBI so Mona and Homer can escape.
Joe Friday: FBI. The jig is up.
Abe: All right, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby. Waah! Waah! Goo goo. I miss my fly-fly dada.
Friday: Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?
Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B.

137. - "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

Sideshow Bob does an impersonation of Colonel Leslie Hapablap in order to get access to the restricted area of an Air Force base hangar.
(intercom buzzes)
Sergeant: Authorization code?
Bob: (impersonating Colonel Hapablap) Code? Son, this is Colonel Hapablap. That fool McGuckett sprayed runway foam all over Chuck Yeager's Acura. Now get down there with the chamois triple time!
Sergeant: But Colonel, I'm under strict orders...
Bob: Sweet Enola Gay, son! Get moving or I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a... (breaks character and speaks disdainfully in his natural voice)...snot party.
Sergeant: Sir! Right away Sir!
The Distinguished Representatives of Television are:
- Kent Brockman
- Krusty the Clown
- Bumblebee Man
- A now adult Steve Urkel
- The Fourth Doctor
Krusty sees the porno magazines on the table and yells, "Hey, hey! Now this is my kind of meeting!"
Bob stealing a nuke in a wheelbarrow, only to almost tip it over while laughing maniacally. He rights it and continues laughing, clearly uneasy.
Milhouse screwing around in the cockpit of a fighter jet (pretending he's shooting at his parents and his psychologist) only to activate the catapult seat while randomly pressing buttons. In the next scene, he crashes in the background while Colonel Hapablap is talking to a soldier.
A frustrated Bob tries to set off the nuke anyway. There's smash cuts to everyone all over Springfield as it goes off... only to zoom out to the bomb collapsing and giving off a tiny puff of smoke.
Bob: (reading a label on the casing) "Best before November 1959." Damn it, Bob! There were plenty of brand new bombs, but you had to go for that retro fifties charm!
Sideshow Bob attempts to kill Krusty by smashing the Wright Brothers plane into the civil defense shed out in the Alkali Flats. After being warned by Bart, Krusty jumps through the window to safety, gets up from cover, lights a cigarette, and says "What is the friggin’ hold up?" The plane finally reaches the shack, harmlessly bounces off it...only to get run over by a tank.
Soldier: Oooh, sorry. We normally don't drive these things in the Air Force...
Sideshow Bob's anti-climactic death cry:
Bob: DIIIIIIEEEEE, KRRRUSSTY, DIII- (plane bounces off shed wall) Oh.

138. - "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"

The crude, child-like drawings of Abe Simpson and Krusty the Clown that show up when Troy McClure mentions that Abe and Krusty were present in the original Tracey Ullman shorts (which is accurate, but their Tracey Ullman designs look nothing like the ones shown in this episode).
Troy McClure walks off-stage, sighing in "Why the hell am I doing this?"-style defeat, and smokes a cigarette during the first commercial break.
After some clips from The Tracey Ullman Show shorts, there's a cut back to a very confused looking McClure-who, upon realizing the cameras are on, manages to get out a very short, forced laugh.
Troy introduces the cut scenes with; "By now you're probably thinking, 'But, Troy, I've seen every Simpsons episode, you can't possibly show me anything new!'" (Rather darkly) "You've got some attitude, mister."
Troy gets poked in the stomach after falling asleep during the "cut-out classics" montage.
In the deleted scenes, Homer is going through all the care packages that Mona sent him, and Mona asks what he's doing for a living. He explains that he's working for the nuclear plant, to which Mona, most likely due to her history with Mr. Burns, is clearly disappointed. Homer reassures her that he doesn't work very hard. Then quietly tells her he's actually bringing the place down from the inside.
Troy ends the episode with a montage of "hardcore nudity!" (though the nudity is mid-PG-level, being all the clips of nude Springfield characters from the series to that point). The montage being set to "Shake Shake Shake" by KC and the Sunshine Band doesn't hurt.
Troy: Yes, the Simpsons have come a long way since an old drunk made humans out of his rabbit characters to pay off his gambling debts. Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable? I'm Troy McClure, and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see: hardcore nudity!

139. - "Marge Be Not Proud"

Bart watches the commercial for a new video game called Bonestorm, and then does what Santa instructs at the end.
Bart: Buy me Bonestorm or go to Hell!
Marge: Bart!
Homer: Young man, in this house, we use a little word called "please".
Bart asks Milhouse if he can play Bonestorm, and then he gets thrown out of the house by Luann.
Bart: (walking in) Say, cool dude, can I play too?
Milhouse: (scrambling) Uh, uh, it's only a one player game.
Bart: Then how come it says "Second player score"?
(Beat)
Milhouse: (loudly) Mom! Bart's swearing! (cut to Luann escorting Bart out of the house)
The different video game mascots encourage Bart to steal the Bonestorm video game from the Try-N-Save.
Luigi: (Italian accent) Go on Bart, take-a the Bonestorm.
Mario: (Italian accent) The store, she's-a so rich, she'll-a never notice.
Donkey Kong: Duhh, it's the company's fault for making you want it so much.
Lee Carvallo: Don't do it son, how's that game going to help your putting?
Sonic: Juuuust TAKE IT! Take it take it take it take take it! TAKEIT!
Some of the past Christmas photos show Bart doing goofy things to ruin the picture, including holding a speech bubble that says, "I stink!" next to Homer.
Homer: Hey, I don't remember saying that.
The scene at the end of Lee Carvello's Putting Challenge being played. "Ball is in parking lot."
Would you like to try again?
You have selected no.
Bart and Lisa are watching TV:
Announcer: It's a Krusty Kinda Khristmas, brought to you by ILG: selling your body's chemicals after you die. And by Li'l Sweetheart Cupcakes — a subsidiary of ILG.
Bart switching the answering machine tape with a tape of Allan Sherman songs and Homer's confused reaction to "Hello Muddah Hello Faddah":
Homer: Marge, is Lisa at Camp Grenada?

140. - "Team Homer"

Bart and Lisa both have to adapt to Springfield Elementary's new school uniforms.
Bart: Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck!
Marge: Bart! Where do you pick up words like that?
Homer: [nearby, using the phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER! Watch your mouth!
Homer: Aw, I gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening.
When Mr. Burns and Smithers crash the bowling alley:
Mr. Burns: Look at them, Smithers, enjoying their embezzlement.
Smithers: I have a much uglier word for it, sir: "Misappropriation"!
The kids cause a riot after the rain turns their uniforms into tie-dyed art.
Principal Skinner sees the effects of the rain and realizing he buys his mother's clothes from the same place.
Skinner: Oh, good Lord! Mother's in the park! [runs off]
Chalmers: Now this, I gotta see. [follows him]
Moe attempts to cripple Mr. Burns to keep him out of the bowling finals a la Nancy Kerrigan, except turns out Burns' knee was acting up and Moe hitting him with a tire iron actually knocked it back into place, curing him.

Season 7: Part 2

141. - "Two Bad Neighbors"

The reason Apu isn't at the Kwik-E-Mart at the beginning is because the Squishee machine malfunctioned and flooded the place. We then see the interior, where the two repairmen are in diving suits, while Jimbo breaks in through the roof access and steals two cases of beer.
Homer gets stuck behind George H. W. Bush and his bodyguard Ray Johnson at the Krusty Burger drive-thru.
Homer: Oh, man: I've only got 1 minute 'til they stop serving those breakfast balls! (stops behind Bush at the drive thru) D'oh!
George: Let's see, now...what do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a "Krusty Burger"...that doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: (through order box) Uh...we don't have stew.
(Homer honks his car horn impatiently)
Ray: Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
George: That's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
Homer: (loudly) Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
George: That guy's louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will ya?
(Ray goes back toward Homer's car)
Ray: Sir, could you pop your hood?
(Homer does so; Ray disables the horn with a flathead screwdriver)
Homer: Hey, my taxes paid for that horn!
Homer's cleverest line that was never heard.
(George Bush and a group of Springfielders jog past Homer and Santa's Little Helper)
Homer: Look at those phonies sucking up to Bush.
(Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone)
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush. (chuckles to himself)
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer: The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh!
The gag the episode is named after where George crudely spray-paints a banner of Homer and Bart captioned "Two Bad Neighbors" and drapes it over his own house. It backfires when, due to Bush's rather limited artistic skills, passers-by cannot recognize who said "Bad Neighbors" are supposed to be:
Dr. Hibbert: I-I don't understand. Uh, are you saying that you and Barbara are bad neighbors?
George: No! It's not Bar and me. It's them!
Ned: Who? Maude and me?
George: No, the man and his boy. Ya know; the boy is named Bart. I don't know the name of the man. Bar, what's the name of the man?
Barbara: I'm not getting involved, George.
Homer tricks Bush into coming outside using cardboard cutouts of "Jeb" and "George Bush Jr.". At the time, the writers had no idea there actually was a George Bush Jr., and the gag was supposed to be that Homer idiotically made up a fake son. Now, it looks like Homer knew all along.
(George comes outside, and the cardboard cutouts are drawn up quickly)
Homer: NOW, BOY! GIVE 'EM THE GLUE!
(Bart, who was atop the roof over the door, pours a big bottle of super glue all over George’s head)
Homer: (sprints by and slams a big rainbow afro wig on his head) HAHAHAHAHAH! (Bart and him flee)
- Then George goes to his Elk Club meeting, saying that was the only thing he was going to leave his house to do.
  George: (having cut most of the stuck wig off, leaving only a short, rainbow color clean cut look) Now...are there any questions?
  (almost everyone's hands go up)
  George: (highly irritated) Keeping in mind — I already explained about my hair.
  (those hands go back down)
George points how Bart technically started the neighbor war:
Homer: For the last time, Bush; apologize for spanking my boy!
George: Never! You make him apologize for destroying my memoirs.
Homer: (to Bart) You never told me you destroyed his memoirs. (to George) NEVER!
As George and Homer grapple with each other, the former fires off this one-liner:
George: I'll ruin you like a Japanese banquet!
Mikhail Gorbachev showing up at Bush's house with a housewarming gift, only to catch Bush brawling with Homer in the mud.
Gorbachev: I just dropped by with present for warming of house. Instead I find you here grappling with local oaf.
Homer: (to Bush) Oh! Brought some of your Commie friends to help you fight dirty, eh?!
Barbara Bush forces George to give an apology to Homer so their dispute can end.
George: But, Bar! (whispered as he looks at Gorbachev) We can't show any weakness in front of the Russians.
Barbara: (reproachfully) George...
(long pause as George swallows his pride)
George: (sighs) Yes, dear...
Gorbachev: (speaks Russian to his driver, and the driver laughs)
George: Okay... I'm sorry I spanked your boy, Homer.
Homer: Woo-hoo! In your face, Bush! Now apologize for the tax hike.
(George gives Homer a Death Glare)
George H.W. Bush moves out and who moves in? Why, Gerald Ford, who immediately strikes a chord with Homer.
Gerald: Say, Homer, do you like football?
Homer: Do I ever!
Gerard: Do you like nachos?
Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
Gerald: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game, and we'll have nachos and then some beer.
Homer: (delighted) Ooh...
(Homer and Gerald walk towards his house)
Homer: Jerry, I think you and I are going to get along just...
(they trip on the sidewalk)
Homer & Gerald: (in unison) D'oh!

142. - "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"

Grampa Abe breaks the family's TV and is promptly dropped off at the retirement home.
Homer meets professional golfer Tom Kite.
Tom Kite: I'm PGA Tour Pro Tom Kite. How 'bout I give you a few pointers on your game? (continuing) Now, you don't want to overthink.
Homer: Not an issue.
Tom: Keep your head down.
Homer: (raising his head) Huh?
Tom: Pretend there's no one else here. (Homer scratches his butt with the club and burps)...And just go at your own pace. (Homer hits the ball very close to the hole)....Wow, very impressive. You're a natural, Mr. Simpson.
Homer: Really?
Tom: Uh huh. All you need is your own set of clubs, and stay the hell out of my locker! — You can keep the shoes!
Homer swings a golf club until he lets it go...and it knocks out Krusty the Clown as he's learning how to golf.

143. - "Bart the Fink"

The Cayman Banker, being phoned about Krusty's holdings.
Banker: (over the phone) I'm sorry, but I cannot divulge any information about our customer's secret, illegal account. (he puts down the phone) ... Oh, Crap! I shouldn't have said he was a customer! Oh, Crap! I shouldn't have said it was a secret! Oh, Crap! I certainly shouldn't have said that it was illegal! ... (he leans back in his chair) Ahhh, it's too hot today...
On the evening news, Kent Brockman reports on Krusty being arrested for tax fraud and Bart's role in it. Bart ends up feeling remorseful.
Bart: Krusty's my hero. How could I do this to him?
Lisa: It is a tragedy for all us kids, but Bart, you can't beat yourself up.
Bart: Yeah. There'll be plenty of people to do that for me at recess tomorrow.
After taking over all of Krusty's other businesses, the IRS also, for reasons known only to themselves, decide to rebrand Krusty Burger as IRS Burger.
Homer: Let's see... I'll have four tax burgers... one IRS-switch, but hold the lettuce, four dependant-sized sodas and a Pikewhich.
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: (hands over a form) Fill out Plan B. You should receive your burgers in six to eight weeks.
(Homer immediately takes out a pair of reading glasses and starts filling in the forms without complaint)
Homer: Marge, what were your gambling losses last year?
Marge: (from offscreen) Seven hundred dollars.
Krusty ends up having his material possessions being sold at auction in order to pay back the IRS. He witnesses the selling of his heirloom family suitcase at 40 cents to Selma Bouvier and his massive pornography collection for 12 cents to someone bidding from Japan.
Krusty: (agonized) AUGHOHH MY BELOVED PORNOGRAPHY! I can't watch this anymore! I'm goin' ta bed.
Auctioneer: How much for Krusty's bed?
Moe: Half a buck!
Auctioneer: (bangs gavel) Sold!
Moe: Good night, everybody!
Crowd: Good night, Moe!
Bob Newhart gives a rambling eulogy for Krusty, which he makes up on the spot (he was waiting for a different funeral to start):
Oh. Um, although I started my career several years before Krusty, so I could never really have learned anything... directly from him, still, I think, in a way, in a very meaningful way, that I... that all, all of us... have learned... from him. That is, by being, a clown on television for, for... for so many years. Even though, uh, y'know, many of us, we didn't really watch his show. (audience is silent) Uh, th-thank you.
Homer pitifully attempts to comfort Bart over Krusty's death.
Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time! Just like that. [snaps fingers] Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow!
[long awkward pause as Homer stares at Bart and Bart stares back]
Homer: Well, good night!
[Homer leaves Bart's room and turns off the light, leaving Bart in the dark, staring in wide-eyed horror]
Handsome Pete and everything about him.
The Sea Captain: Not a quarter! D'arr! He'll be dancin' for hours!
Krusty (in his assumed identity of Rory B. Bellows) attempts to escape from Bart and Lisa on his boat, only to notice that he forgot to untie the boat from the dock.

144. - "Lisa the Iconoclast"

Homer talks to Hollis Hurlbut, the museum curator.
Homer: Town crier. I'd like to ask you a few questions. One: Where's the fife? And two: Gimme the fife.
- "I have nothing but respect for the office of town crier, but this is well outside your jurisdiction!"
Mayor Quimby's lament when Lisa and Homer demand they dig up Jebediah's grave. "Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?"
The Comic Book Guy's appearance at the copy place:
Comic Book Guy: A question, is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?
Homer: No, it's Homer.
Comic Book Guy: Well, then I would thank you to stop staring at my screen-play, Homer. And if I ever see a movie where computers threaten our personal liberties, I'll know you've stolen my idea!
Homer: I'm just waiting here with my kid.
Homer's Brain: Mental note: Steal his idea.
The scene at Moe's bar:
Moe: Aw, little cutie wants ta say somethin' cute. (the barflys mumble drunkenly) SHADDAP, YA BUMS! SHADDAP! (turns back to Lisa, suddenly much gentler) G'head, angel.
Lisa: Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than an evil, bloodthirsty pirate who hated this town!
(all the barflies and Moe stare in utter horror)
Moe: Good... GOD! (he motions to Homer) Homer, y'know I support pretty much any prejudice y' could name, but your hero-phobia sickens me! You and your daughter ain't welcome here no more! Barney, show 'em the exit!
Barney: There's an exit?!
Lisa's hallucinatory George Washington isn't took taken with her hesitance.
Washington: We had quitters in the Revolution, too. We called them Kentuckians!
- And after that, as he leaves:
  Washington: Looks like I'll have to find another little girl to be president. What's your friend Janey's number?
  Lisa: No, not Janey! She'll pack the supreme court full with boys!
- And after the vision disappears:
  Lisa: Oh, let me help you, George Washington, I so want to help you...
  Bart: (from the hallway) "I want to help you, George Washington"? Pfft, even your dreams are square.
The fact Quimby has a sniper ready to go when Lisa tries to get the truth out, and the sniper's sheer nonchalance about committing murder, only being called off because Quimby wants to hear what she says... and then the sniper fires anyway (missing, obviously).
Homer seizing the 'office' of town crier from Flanders, much to Helen Lovejoy's horror, and Wiggum (in a strangely heartwarming moment) is no help.
Helen: He is not the official town crier! Police, do something!
Wiggum: (leaning against a barrier) Ah, I'd like to ma'am, but he's too damn good. Let 'im march, boys. Let the man march!
Lisa gets banned from the Springfield Museum:
Hurlbut: You're banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children's children — for three months.

145. - "Homer the Smithers"

A drunken Lenny tries to thank Mr. Burns for a good time, but he ends up horrifying Mr. Burns. Waylon Smithers ends up feeling guilty for letting it happen when he drives Mr. Burns home.
Smithers: I failed you and I'll never forgive myself. (Smithers starts hitting his head on the steering wheel) Never, never, never, never, never!
(Mr. Burns puts up the window between the two of them and the phone rings)
Smithers: (still hitting his head on the steering wheel) Never, never, never, never!
Smithers looks for the worst employee at the nuclear power plant to replace him while he goes on vacation, so that Mr. Burns will be awfully grateful when he returns.
Smithers: Perhaps if I search the employee evaluations for the word (typing into computer) "incompetent"... (screen shows "714 matches") 714 names! Better be more specific. (types some more) Lazy, clumsy, dimwitted, monstrously ugly. (loading screen appears, before it shows "714 matches" again) Ah, nuts to this, I'll just get Homer Simpson.
Homer informs Mr. Burns of messages he received; all of them are about a car Mr. Burns owns.
Homer: Here are your messages. "You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube." (Mr. Burns’ phone rings and Homer answers it) Yello, Mr. Burns’ office.
Mr. Burns: Is it about my cube?
Homer goes through a few attempts at making Mr. Burns breakfast, which ends with Homer setting fire to a bowl of cereal -- by merely pouring milk and cereal in a bowl.
As Homer returns to apologize for punching Mr. Burns in the face, he is seen hiding and cowering behind his rubber tree plant in the corner of the office.
After Homer gives an apology and Mr. Burns tells Homer to leave him alone, he (Mr. Burns) decides to call Smithers by dialing his name on the phone (7-648-4377 spells S-M-I-T-H-E-R-S). He winds up calling Moe Szyslak at his bar, and Moe answers the phone.
Moe: Moe's Tavern.
Mr. Burns: (on the other end) I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers. First name Waylon.
(Moe thinks it's another prank phone call and catches on early)
Moe: Ohhhhhh. So you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Waylon, is it? Listen to me you! When I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and shove 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay!? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!
(Mr. Burns becomes afraid and sticks the phone in a drawer without hanging it up)
Homer inadvertently disconnects the telephone call to Mr. Burns’ elderly mother instead of pressing the "Transfer" button, so he ends up improvising a conversation with Mr. Burns by using an impersonation voice. Mr. Burns finds out and is not happy about it.
- During Homer's impersonation, Smithers berates him that she doesn't call her son Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns recklessly driving across town.
Mr. Burns: Beep, beep! Out of my way! I'm a motorist!
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, that's some nice reckless driving, Mr. B!
The very, very gay resort that Smithers is staying at.
"I gotta go, sir! There's a line behind me!"
The kids trying to take advantage of a sleep-deprived Homer.
Bart: Look alive, Simpson, I'm not paying you to goldbrick.
Homer: Uh, yes, sir.
Bart: Now get cracking on my long division, and don't forget to show your work, Simpson.
Homer: I'll have it on your desk tomorrow morning, sir.
Lisa: Bart, leave Simpson alone! Simpson, I need a ride to the library.
Homer: Yes, sir.
Marge: Kids, stop exploiting your father. Homie, why don't you lie down and relax?
Homer: No time, Marge. I think Mr. Burns wants me to do some long division.
Marge: Simpson, lie down!
Smithers trying to get a new job. First he applies to a job as a piano mover...and immediately needs a steel rod where his spine was. Then he tries to be an announcer at the speed track, and is thrown out when he questions saying things three times.
- In desperation, Smithers goes to Moe's, for the job of distracting Barney when the beer comes at midnight. Homer manages to talk him into trying to win back Mr. Burns, and then, the clock strikes midnight...
  Moe: Oh. My. God!
  (pan out to the bar, where Barney is gone. We hear a truck pull up.)
  Delivery guy: Beer delivery, sign here - Oh no, it's you!
  (sound of carnage and Barney laughing, while Moe starts sobbing at the bar)
- Even better in the Latin American dub, where they outright scream to shoot him as Barney ransacks the truck.
As Smithers is in the airport shuttle:
Homer: Uh, Mr. Smithers.! I don't understand 2,700 of my new duties.
Smithers: Well, the van's leaving. Which one duty is giving you the most trouble?
Homer: Um... What do I do in case of fire?
Smithers: (Closes shuttle door) Sorry. Can't hear you. Bye!
Homer: (Looks into Burns' burning office) Aw! Just my luck.

Commentary

One portion of the commentary, discussing Smithers' ultimate decision to appoint Homer as his substitute, nearly syncs up with the episode dialogue:
Bill Oakley: In the second or third or fourth season, they would have actually gone through the rigamarole of pretending that he found Homer through a natural process. But, at this time, this kind of thing happened so many times by episode 120, that we were like...
Smithers: Aw, nuts to this! I'll just go get Homer Simpson.

146. - "The Day the Violence Died"

Hutz sloppily claiming that his business card, which says "Works On Contingency — No Money Down", has a "typo" and hastily using a marker to change it to "Works On Contingency? — No, Money Down!" This is a favorite amongst lawyers.
Lionel Hutz: Oops, shouldn't have this Bar Association logo either... (tears off the logo and eats it)
While Chester J. Lampwick is staying at the Simpsons house, Abe visits, and at dinner glowers at Lampwick.
Abe: I thought I recognized you. I gave you a plate of corn muffins back in 1947 to paint my chicken coop, and you never did it!
Lampwick: Those corn muffins were lousy.
Abe: Paint my chicken coop!
Lampwick: Make me!
(Abe lunges across the table at Lampwick and the two start brawling.)
Marge: That does it! One of them has to go.
Homer: Okay, Grampa.
Marge: No, the b-u-m. (Homer moans)
- A similar incident apparently occurred when Krusty testifies about it in court.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Krusty, have you ever seen this so called animation genius before?
Krusty: Yes I have.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: You have?
Krusty: I gave him a couple of blintzes to paint my fence, but he never did it!
Lampwick: Those blintzes were terrible.
Krusty: Paint my fence!
Lampwick: Make me!
(Krusty lunges from the witness stand at Lampwick and the two start brawling.)
Krusty: You give me back those blintzes, then!
Judge Snyder: (tapping his gavel) Order! Order! We don't care about your blintzes!
(Krusty gives Snyder a Death Glare)
Lionel Hutz has bad luck during court.
Lionel Hutz: (to Lampwick) When you created Itchy & Scratchy -
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Objection!
Judge Snyder: Sustained.
Lionel Hutz: If I hear "objection" and "sustained" one more time today, I think I'm going to scream!
Blue-Haired Lawyer: Objection!
Judge Snyder: Sustained.
Lionel Hutz: DAAAAAAAAAHHH!!
The Schoolhouse Rock! parody is about an Amendment to ban flag-burning waiting to be ratified. And Bart and Lisa's reactions to it.
Lisa: So it's true. Some cartoons do encourage violence. (hits Bart)
- Before that, their reaction mid-way through.
  Bart: What the hell is this?
  Lisa: It's one of those campy 70s throw-backs that appeals to Generation Xers.
  Bart: We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.
Bart and Lisa try to tell Roger Meyers Jr. that they had a plan to save his company from bankruptcy, but he isn’t interested.
Roger Meyers Jr.: Oh, great. Why don't you write it down and mail it to last week, when I might have cared!

147. - "A Fish Called Selma"

The Planet of the Apes (1968) musical.
Troy (as Taylor): (singing) What's wrong with me?
Dr. Zaius: I think you're crazy.
Taylor: I want a second opinion!
Dr. Zaius: You're also lazy.
Bart and Homer's reaction to the musical.
Bart: This play has everything.
Homer: Ooh, I love legitimate the-a-ter.
After curtain call, Troy thanks Selma and asks her to take a bow, and Homer shouts, "Down in front!"
There is a Deleted Scene set during Troy's bachelor party (which appeared in some TV promos and is available on a Deleted Scene reel on the season seven DVD set), where Homer protests over showing a film about nudists because it doesn't have "adult themes and situations."
Troy's completely nonchalant response to this question:
Selma: Is this a sham marriage?
Troy: Sure, baby, is that a problemo?
At the bachelor party, Troy tells Homer a dark secret. The next day, Homer's at the wedding, and as Reverend Lovejoy asks for anyone to give reason why Troy and Selma can't be married, it zooms in on Homer...
Homer's inner monologue: (to the tune of "Rock and Roll Part 2" by Gary Glitter) DAH DAH DAH-DAH DAH! Dah nah nah!
One of the most hilarious examples of a Literal Metaphor ever:

Legs: I thought you said Troy McLure was dead!

Fat Tony: No, I said he sleeps with the fishes!

148. - "Bart on the Road"

Bart puts the rental car on cruise control, only to promptly wind up driving through a corn field.
Milhouse messes with the radio and Nelson hurts him.
Milhouse: (plays around with radio) Bart! Nelson hit me!
Bart: He sure did.
Bart, Milhouse and Nelson use a fake I.D. to see Naked Lunch. Nelson sums it up perfectly:
I can think of at least two things wrong with that title.
Bart describes Branson, Missouri.
Bart: My dad says it's like Vegas... if it were run by Ned Flanders.
Nelson insists upon seeing Andy Williams perform, and sits in awe as everyone is bored.
Nelson: I didn't think he was gonna do "Moon River", but then, bam! Second encore!
Homer's prank call to Moe.
Homer: Hello, I'd like to meet with a Mr. Snotball. First name, Ura.
Moe: Ura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!
Martin spends his last $10 on an Al Gore doll.
Al Gore doll: You are hearing me talk.
Bart asks Lisa to think of some way for him to get home.
Lisa: Hm. You could travel for free if you were a stewardess. (holds phone at arm's length, grimacing) Well, how badly do you wanna get home?
Lisa has to explain Bart's plight to Homer.
Lisa: (rapidly) Bart rented a car with a phony driver's license and drove Martin, Milhouse, and Nelson to a wig outlet in Knoxville and their car got crushed and they're out of money and they can't come back home and Bart's working as a courier and he just got back from Hong Kong!
Homer: (face reddens and returns to normal; in an eerily calm tone) Yes, that's a real pickle. Could you excuse me for a moment?
(Homer puts on a radiation suit and rages incomprehensibly for a few seconds, with the helmet fogging up. He then returns to Lisa)
Homer: (calm again) Okay. I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.
Lisa: No, no! Then he'll know I told!
Marge answers a few different phone calls in the bedroom before the credits roll.
(phone rings)
Marge: Hello? Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. No, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. Good night.
(phone rings again)
Marge: Hello? Tennessee State Police?! No, my son's car was not crushed in Knoxville! I don't know where to begin telling you what's wrong with that. Good night.
(phone rings a third time)
Marge: Hello? No. Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam. (slams phone down; Homer snickers) Homer, are you laughing at me?
Patty and Selma explain their job to Bart.
Patty: Some days, we don't let the line move at all.
Selma: We call those weekdays.
(both laugh)
Patty: Good one.
Homer sabotaging his console in order to help Bart get home (helped by the technician's panicked reaction):
Technician: Uh, Springfield, my computer shows your T-437 is functioning perfectly.
(Homer, without a word or change in expression, picks up a can of soda and starts pouring it over the console)
Technician: I suggest yo- (the console starts sparking dangerously) Oh, my God! Oh, God no! Oh, this can't be happening! Thi- you're operating without a T-437, Springfield! Oh, sweet mother of mercy! I mean - I mean, my God!
- And as the man panics, Homer gathers some run-off from the can, and flicks it over the console.
The gang pass a car with three children arguing in the back seat:
Father: If you kids can't keep your hands to yourself, I'm going to turn this car around and there will be no Cape Canaveral for anybody!
(The children stop arguing; however, Nelson leans out of Bart's car and slaps the back of the other driver)
Father: That's it! Back to Winnipeg!
(Does a u-turn and starts driving back to Winnipeg.)

149. - "22 Short Films About Springfield"

Dr. Nick is called to help out Grampa Abe with a medical problem.
Dr. Nick: Hi, everybody! Now, tell Dr. Nick where is the trouble.
Abe: I'm itchy! I've got ants in my pants! I'm discombobulated! Give me a calmative!
Dr. Nick: Slow down, sir! You're going to give yourself skin failure!
"That monkey is going to pay."
Lisa gets chewing gum in her hair, and after Marge's...less than stellar ideas of using various food pastes, she then asks Lisa to go outside to let the sunlight melt the chewing gum. Cue a mass of bees suddenly swarming at Lisa's head.
Superintendent Chalmers visits Principal Seymour Skinner for lunch. A magnificent skit where Skinner has to metaphorically tap dance on an avalanche of lies to prevent Chalmers from finding out that Skinner ruined the meal.
- Apparently, Skinner's such a bad cook that he doesn't just overcook the roast into an inedible charred hunk, it spontaneously catches fire.
  Skinner: Oh egads! My roast is ruined!
- "Oh no, I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!"
- Chalmers: Yes, and you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
  Skinner: Ye--I...you know it...one thing I shoul-...excuse me for one second.
  Chalmers: Of course.
  (Skinner re-enters the kitchen, then comes back out)
  Skinner: (yawns) Well, that was wonderful. Good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
  Chalmers: Yes, I should be— GOOD LORD, what is happening in there?! (the kitchen is on fire)
  Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
  Chalmers: Ah—Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?!
  Skinner: Yes!
  (beat)
  Chalmers: May I see it?
  (beat)
  Skinner: No.
  (cut to Chalmers leaving)
  Agnes: Seymour! The house is on fire!
  Skinner: No, mother! It's just the Northern Lights!
  Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say: you steam a good ham!
  (as Chalmers leaves the camera zooms out to show that the ENTIRE ground floor is now on fire)
  Agnes: HEEELP! HEEEEELP!
- After Chalmers asks if he can see the aurora borealis, it looks like Skinner seriously considers saying "yes".
- In the original draft for the segment, when Skinner sees that he burned his roast, he looks in the fridge to see that he doesn't have any backup roasts.
The scene of Homer, Maggie and Santa's Little Helper at the newsstand.
At Krusty Burger, Chief Wiggum, Lou, and Eddie discuss the variances between that restaurant and the major fast food chain called McDonald's.
Lou: Y'know, I went to the McDonald's in, uh, Shelbyville on Friday night.
Chief Wiggum: The McWhat?
Lou: Uh, the McDonald's restaurant. I never heard of it either, but they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm. Must have sprung up overnight.
Lou: You know the funniest thing though? It's the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example.
Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out... well what do they call it?
Lou: A Quarter Pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well I can picture the cheese, but... uh. Do they have Krusty Partially Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum Based Beverages?
Lou: Mmm hmm, they call 'em Shakes.
Eddie: Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin'.
The very tall man Nelson Muntz laughed at forces Nelson to march down Main Street with his pants down; he drives slowly behind him.
Very Tall Man: (to the crowd of people) Hey, everybody! Look at this, it's that boy who laughs at everyone. Let's laugh at him!
Crowd: HA-ha!
Very Tall Man: (to Nelson) Wave to the people! Blow them kisses!
(Nelson sobs as he waves and blows kisses to people. As Nelson is walking, he arrives at the overpass bridge Bart and Milhouse are standing on. Both of them squirt ketchup and mustard on Nelson and laugh at him)

150. - "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""

Assassination attempt #1: Fernando Vidal attempts to poison the water Grampa Abe's false teeth are kept in. It fails when Abe absent-mindedly breaks the glass and puts his alarm clock in his mouth instead.
Vidal: He's more clever than he looks.
Assassination attempt #2: Fernando Vidal, Mr. Burns, and Waylon Smithers disguise themselves as members of the Simpson family as they try once again to kill Grampa Abe for their own benefit.
Nurse: Abraham Simpson, your family is here to visit you.
Abe: Hot diggity, my family's come to visit me! (runs down the hall) Wait a minute... My family never comes to vi— Whoa! (a knife flies at his head; he quickly dodges it)
Vidal: (dressed as Homer) D'oh! Not again!
Mr. Burns: (dressed as Marge] I can't take much more of your blundering numskullery.
Smithers: (enters, disguised as Bart) I'll be in the car, dudes.
Assassination attempt #3: Fernando Vidal operates a machine gun and makes the retirement home nurse upset.
Vidal: There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess...
(Smash Cut to Vidal kicking in the door to the retirement home with a machine gun and starting randomly firing away)
Jasper: Was that me or was that you?
(Grampa Abe runs away screaming from the gunfire, and into next room)
Abe: Nurse! Someone's trying to kill me!
Nurse: Okay, we'll do something about that right away. Let's start by doubling your medication.
(Vidal comes through and shoots everywhere; the nurse pulls out a shotgun)
Nurse: [BANG] OUR RESIDENTS- [PUMP, BANG] ARE TRYING- [PUMP, BANG] TO NAP!
(Vidal runs away)
The Simpson family briefly discusses where Grampa Abe is going to sleep in the house.
Marge: Where are we going to put him?
Homer: Bart's room.
Lisa: Bart's room.
Marge: Bart's room.
Bart: Dumpster.
"Ah, Del Monte! Enjoy them, old man, for they will be your last!"
Bart says that Grampa Abe’s story is gibberish. Abe shows Bart his Hellfish tattoo which is distorted by his wrinkles and Bart calls it "wrinkly gibberish".
Mr. Burns' attitude in the flashbacks.
"Haven't you won the war yet?"
The one to explain the tontine is Ox.
Dur. Essentially we all sign a contract wherein the last survinin' participant gets possession of all them purdy pictures.
At the conclusion, the US State Department abruptly turns up to return the art to the heir of their original owner: A sterotypical German eurotrash.
State Department Agent: Baron Von Muntzenberger, on behalf on the US State department, I'd like to apologize fo—
Baron: Ja, ja, mach schnell mit der art things. I must return to Dance Central in Stuttgart in time to see Kraftwerk.

151. - "Much Apu About Nothing"

The entire discussion about the Bear Patrol, and the rock.
Homer: Ah , not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol must be working like a charm.
Lisa: That's specious reasoning, dad.
Homer: Thank you, honey.
Lisa: By your logic, I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Ohh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh huh.
Lisa: (looks about) But I don't see any tigers around here, do you?
Homer: (thinks about this, then brings out a twenty dollar bill) Lisa, I wanna buy your rock!
(Lisa initially waves him off, then thinks about it, and takes the money.)
Homer finds out that there's a five dollar tax increase to fund the bear patrol:
Homer: What? This is an outrage! It's the biggest tax increase in history!
Lisa: Actually, Dad it's the smallest tax increase in history.
Homer: Let the bears pay the bear tax! I pay the Homer tax!
Lisa: That's the homeowner tax.
Homer: Well, anyway, I'm still outraged.
Apu becomes too depressed about being deported to care that Kearney is using a fake ID to buy beer (even though "Lisa the Iconoclast" established that Kearney is well over the legal age to buy and drink alcohol without having to use a fake I.D.) and shoplifting some ice cream sandwiches (which have melted in his armpits).
Homer helps out Apu by being his history tutor, and he doesn’t do a very good job at it.
Homer: (points to an American flag) Now, please identify this object.
Apu: It appears to be the flag that disappeared from the public library last year.
Homer: Correct! Now, we all know the 13 stripes are for good luck, but why does the American flag have precisely 47 stars?
Apu: It's because this particular flag is (chuckling) ridiculously out of date! The library must have purchased it during the brief period in 1912 after New Mexico became a state but before Arizona did.
Homer: Uh, partial credit.

152. - "Homerpalooza"

Lisa and Bart watch Cypress Hill perform.
Bart: (sniffing) What is that smell?
Lisa: It smells like Otto's jacket.
Otto notices his shoes are talking.
Shoe 1: Don't worry, we won't hurt you!
Shoe 2: We only want to have some fun!
Homers disastrous first attempt at blending in at the festival, which includes a Rastafarian hat, a "Too Cool for Life" pin and walking like R. Crumbs "Keep On Truckin'" comic characters.
When the host of the Hullabalooza Festival tells Homer he wants him to be in the show, Homer gets an inspired look on his face. The scene cuts to Homer sitting on his bed, still looking inspired as he talks to a frustrated Marge. He then tells her he feels he doesn't have a choice whether or not to join the show. This exchange occurs:
Marge: Well, of course you have a choice. You don't have to do it just because the opportunity came along.
Homer: Marge, in a lot of ways, you and I are very different people.
Backstage at the Hullabalooza Festival, another music group shows up.
Roadie: Hello, bands! Who was playing with the London Symphony Orchestra? Come on, people, someone ordered the London Symphony Orchestra! Possibly while high! Cypress Hill, I'm looking in your direction.
(the band members confer in whispers)
B-Real: Uh yeah, we think we did....um, do you know "Insane In The Brain"?
Violinist: We mostly know classical, but we could give it a shot.
(Cypress Hill begin to perform "Insane In The Brain" with the orchestra backing, while they glower furiously)
Peter Frampton can't catch a break at any point in the episode.
Roadie: Oh, boy, there goes Peter Frampton's big finale. He's gonna be pissed.
Peter: You're bloody right I'm going to be pissed! I bought that pig from Pink Floyd's yard sale!
- Later, performing in Springfield:
Peter Frampton: Homer wrecks my pig, Cyprus Hill steals my orchestra, and Sonic Youth's in my cooler. Get out of there you kids!
Just before Homer's final performance, we see two members of the crowd.
Gen X kid: Here comes that cannonball guy. He's cool.
Other Gen X-er: ... are you being sarcastic, dude?
Gen X kid: (mournfully) I don't even known anymore.
Homer and Marge are frustrated that they can't be and don't understand what it means to be cool.
Homer: Wait Marge. Maybe if you're cool, you don't need to be told you're cool.
Bart: Of course you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?
Homer meets Billy Corgan:
Billy Corgan: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
The Smashing Pumpkins perform "Zero" with the crowd mindlessly swaying along.
Lisa: It may be bleak, but this music is really getting to the crowd.
Bart: Eh, making teenagers depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel.
The entire flashback about "It":
(a young Homer and Barney are rocking out in Homer's bedroom. Abe comes in)
Abe: What the hell are you two doing?
Barney: It's called "rocking out".
Homer: You wouldn't understand, dad. You're not "with it".
Abe: I used to be with "it". Then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!
- The latter of which has become a Memetic Mutation in recent years as Millenials and Generation Y reached adulthood.

153. - "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

Milhouse imitates several different kinds of sprinklers, which agitates Bart.
The school bell rings.
Milhouse: SCHOOL'S OUT! UP YOURS, KRABAPPEL! (Milhouse then runs out of the classroom)
Edna: I'm glad the rest of you remembered that summer doesn't start until end of the day, (points to a clock that reads 9:00 A.M.) not the beginning.
Bart takes Milhouse with him on the family’s vacation to the Flanders' beach house, but Milhouse has to sit in a baby seat.
Homer takes Ungrateful Bastard to new heights when Flanders offers to let the Simpsons stay in their beach house and Homer successfully demands he sweeten the deal. He continues to mock Flanders when he gets to said beach house and finds Flanders left a welcome note, from which Homer learns Ned writes just how he talks.
Homer: "Well-diddly-elcome, Simpsons." Oh, geez, he actually wrote "diddly"!
Homer uses a welcome mat as makeshift underwear — and is caught by the cops the instant he steps outside.
While the family is playing the "Mystery Date" game in the Flanders' beach house, Bart's MD is a Milhouse doppelganger. Homer notices the similarity of the "dud" character and finds this so funny he smiles in slow motion, before rubbing it in Milhouse's face.
Homer: Hey! He looks just like you, poindexter! (laughs)
Homer's attempt to act casual when buying illegal fireworks.
Homer: Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, bottle of Old Harper, couple of those panty shields, andsomeillegalfireworks, AND one of those disposable enemas, nah make it two.
Marge sees the non-firework stuff he bought.
Marge: Gee, I don't know what you've got planned for tonight Homer but count me out.
Homer lights the fuse for the M-320 firework using the propane stove. Part of the fuse falls off, causing Homer to say "D’oh!". He inadvertently sticks the explosive in the refrigerator, but quickly remembers that his beer supply is in there. So he hurriedly takes it out while the fuse is still lit, throws it in the dishwasher, closes the door, and it explodes. Immediately, the effects of the M-320 cause a disgusting flood of dead fish and oily-looking water. Homer whistles and walks away as it happens. In the next scene, Marge is seen using a mop to clean the mess.
Bart uses Milhouse's glasses as binoculars and doesn't give them back. Milhouse sees a horseshoe crab and, believing it to be a dog, affectionately pats it. The clincher? The horseshoe crab wags its tail when he does this!
Bart and Lisa try to spit on each other while riding the round-up, but it changes direction which causes the spit to hit Milhouse in the face.
Homer gives possibly the greatest Gosh Dang It to Heck! ever over Lisa's beach friends' "gift" to her.
Homer: SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! MY CAR!^note

Funny / The Simpsons Season 7

129. - "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 2"

130. - "Radioactive Man"

131. - "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"

132. - "Bart Sells His Soul"

133. - "Lisa the Vegetarian"

134. - "Treehouse of Horror VI"^note

A. - Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores

B. - Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace

C. - Homer³^noteA.K.A. "Homer Cubed"

135. - "King-Size Homer"

136. - "Mother Simpson"

137. - "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

138. - "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"

139. - "Marge Be Not Proud"

140. - "Team Homer"

141. - "Two Bad Neighbors"

142. - "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"

143. - "Bart the Fink"

144. - "Lisa the Iconoclast"

145. - "Homer the Smithers"

146. - "The Day the Violence Died"

147. - "A Fish Called Selma"

148. - "Bart on the Road"

149. - "22 Short Films About Springfield"

150. - "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""

151. - "Much Apu About Nothing"

152. - "Homerpalooza"

153. - "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

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Funny / The Simpsons Season 7

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129. - "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part 2"

130. - "Radioactive Man"

131. - "Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily"

132. - "Bart Sells His Soul"

133. - "Lisa the Vegetarian"

134. - "Treehouse of Horror VI"note A.K.A. "The Simpsons Halloween Special VI"

A. - Attack of the 50-Foot Eyesores

B. - Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace

C. - Homer3note A.K.A. "Homer Cubed"

135. - "King-Size Homer"

136. - "Mother Simpson"

137. - "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"

138. - "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"

139. - "Marge Be Not Proud"

140. - "Team Homer"

141. - "Two Bad Neighbors"

142. - "Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield"

143. - "Bart the Fink"

144. - "Lisa the Iconoclast"

145. - "Homer the Smithers"

146. - "The Day the Violence Died"

147. - "A Fish Called Selma"

148. - "Bart on the Road"

149. - "22 Short Films About Springfield"

150. - "Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in "The Curse of the Flying Hellfish""

151. - "Much Apu About Nothing"

152. - "Homerpalooza"

153. - "Summer of 4 Ft. 2"

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134. - "Treehouse of Horror VI"^note

C. - Homer³^noteA.K.A. "Homer Cubed"