Funny / TheRussianBadger

When you have a squad of gamers trying out all sorts of games along with our PoV Youtuber giving Source animated tutorial and cutaways through each video, you can bet there will be a ton of hilarious moments.

2021 Videos

BUILT DIFFERENT. BUILT STUPID. | Left 4 Dead 2

• The episode starts off with a Hunter modded as Elmo pouncing on Heavenly (Master Chief), who gets saved by Quesadilla (Arkham Knight).
  Badger: Oh my god. Is that canon, that the Arkham Knight saved Master Chief from Elmo while carrying a gnome for the achievement? That's like the worst YouTube clickbait title you could ever imagine. "Arkham Knight saves Master Chief from Elmo in front of Shrek while carrying gnome?!"
  Heavenly: "Not clickbait, gone wild! Sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends! Buy a Ridge Wallet!"
• Badger opens the video with this descriptor about the game:
  Badger: A game that usually starts as—
  Player: (kills a zombie with a shotgun) "Yeah!" Shooting zombies with guns is fun!"
  Badger: ...and usually ends like—
  Badger: (later in the campaign) I can't believe we shot Yoshi with a Smith & Wesson .500!
• Throughout the video, Badger describes the various mods as his own "shitposting crusade." It comes to a head when he accidentally somehow made all the player characters into the Payday gang. Without any animations and missing most of their textures. The fact that they spent several minutes walking around in static A-poses doesn't help...especially when said poses persist when Heavenly jumps off the roof...still with no animations.
  Badger: This is definitely what sleep paralysis is like.
  Heavenly: And chat says I'm "down bad"; bro, I'm not down bad! I'm ascended, bitch!
  Badger: "Bain! I'm missing my textures! Bain! BAIN!"
  Heavenly: "BAIN! I DIDN'T DOWNLOAD SOURCE! BAIN!" (breaks down laughing) "I'M STUCK!"
  Grouse: "Bain, what do you mean, 'I need GMOD'?!"
  Badger: (as a still A-posing Heavenly drifts back up to the rooftop from the ground) THAT'S HOW I REVIVE YOU?! WHAT?!

UNSTOPPABLE MORON MAKES NUCLEAR WASTELAND NOTICEABLY WORSE | Fallout: New Vegas

• Starting off the episode is Badger's Courier walking to the tune of "Little Bit of Rock" while using an AMR to disintegrate NCR soldiers with headshots and the Bloody Mess perk while wearing the NCR's elite riot gear set to add extra flavor of humiliation.
• Badger's way of helping the viewer come to understand the sheer hilarity and equal parts insanity of New Vegas:
  Badger: Welcome to New Vegas, a wonderful place that makes you-
  [Random Schmuck appears] Fuck the NCR! [Schmuck head go bang]
  Badger: Ahem... Welcome to New Vegas, a wonderful place that makes you say "That's [New] Vegas, baby." Have you ever seen a man use nuclear weapons in close-quarters combat?
  [One-Man Army in Powered Armor walking up on some how-do-you-do Powder Gangers and wipes them out with a Fat Man launcher]
  That's [New] Vegas, baby. You ever murdered someone just so you could take a one-hour nap in their filthy cot?
  [Ax-Crazy killer sleeps soundly next to a charred corpse, after beheading another guy with a single bullet]
  That's [New] Vegas, baby. You ever seen someone covered in pitch, set on fire, and tossed into the Grand Canyon, only to somehow crawl out and survive?
  [Crispy Implacable Man Joshua Graham showing up in all his glory]
  Joshua "The Man" Graham: We can't expect God to do all the work.
  Badger: Jesus fucking Christ!... That's [New] Vegas, baby.
• Badger's... unique approach to Character Customization:
  Badger: You got 10 Agility? That makes you the deadliest gunslinger this side of the Mississippi.
  [One shot, one body asplodes]
  You got 1 Charisma? Well, negotiating with you has got to be the most awkward and infuriating interaction two human beings can have.
  [Powder Gangster with bad legs cusses out his best hope]
  Because I'm a bumbling moron and play video games like a fucking ape, I said to hell with the balance allocation they suggested and went straight up Lord Death of Murder Mountain. 10 Strength, 7 Endurance, 10 Agility, and 10 Luck. God, what the fuck is this build?
  [Man with literal brain tumor has it easier than this]
  I am "Hercules' Bigger Cousin" strong with Tough-as-nails endurance, Walks on Water agility and Two-headed Coin Flip luck. If I so much as breathe on an organism in the Mojave, you better believe it'll end in a critical hit with enough force to overthrow a small government.
  [Druggie asks a stupid question, learns a stupid answer]
  However, it also means that I have the perception of a Deaf Bat, the charisma of a Misanthrope, and [Sub-brick] intelligence so low that calling me dumber than a fucking brick is perfectly accurate.
• Badger dropping some sound advice:
  Because 90 percent of staying alive in the wasteland is making sure everything else around you is dead.
• When Badger does what the rest of us do, and makes sure that Oliver Swanick doesn't have a chance to "cash in" on winning the "lottery".^*You meet him outside Nipton celebrating winning a "lottery" that in actuality, was him being the only one left alive and unscathed whereas most others were either burned alive, enslaved, or crippled for life
  Badger: I feel bad about using the 40mil[limeter grenade launcher] for this... [boom goes the Swanick, leaving only a leg behind in memoriam] ...just kidding, I don't. That was tight as hell.
• Badger hilariously goofs up when trying to blow Big Sal's head off in V.A.T.S., specifically trying to avoid hitting his dubious ally Cachino who stands just beside his target, only to somehow end up gibbing Cachino's head with the first shot followed by properly hitting Big Sal. Best of all, both shots ended up being critical strikes.
  Badger: [accidentally targets Cachino first] Woah. Nope, not shootin' Cachino, thank you very m—["Wiseguy" Cachino's skull airs out]—uch I GUESS WE ARE SHOOTING CACHINO. Critical strike, oh no.
• When Badger finds himself on the other side of being too accurate in V.A.T.S. when he tried tossing a consecutive amount of three sticks of dynamite in a closed tent, only for all three of them to ricochet back at him after bouncing off a seemingly ordinary tentpole.
  Badger: Rise and shine, Captain Parker. [First stick goes 'clang' and bounces back] Oh shit. That's okay. [Second stick goes a-flying, 'clangs' again, and comes back] Hah, I didn't bounce two in a row... Oh shit, everyone's awake now. I'm not gonna bou—[He did in fact bounce another]—ah I bounced three god damnit. I'm so dead, oh god, anoth-[Man ends up dead with blown-off legs to show for it]
• The second of Badger's all-important wasteland survival tips:
  Badger: Just like V.A.T.S., beds are absolutely critical to your survival. [Enter Poor NCR Schmuck fleeing from Death on Clawed Feet at top speed] Because the wasteland is full of scary shit that takes your health away and breaks down your limbs. Especially if you use landmines as a primary weapon.
  [Badger delivering the ol' anti-personnel explosive wake-up call to a deadbeat dad]
  But if you sleep in a bed, even for just an hour, you regain all of your health, and all of your broken limbs are magically fixed. Don't ask me how it works. I don't know about you guys but I think that's worth cutting someone's head off with a switchblade.
  [Card shark picked the wrong dirty floor mattress to sleep on]
  Final word of advice here is to always check if there's an open bed before you kill anyone. Because I've slaughtered entire tents of people and taken naps next to corpses only to realize (voice becomes slightly muffled and awkward sounding) there was an open bed right next to them.
  [Rude people angry over a few corpses preventing decent wastelander from getting some damn sleep, meet explosive results]
• How Badger takes to the inhabitants of the wasteland, for good and bad:
  Badger: On the road to New Vegas, I prefer to trust absolutely no one because the wasteland is never as it seems. See that nice old lady running the motel with the giant dinosaur? Well, she just sold someone's wife into slavery.
  [Wasteland mailman living cap-to-cap has got something to say about taking only a THOUSAND caps for selling a whole person]
  Killing everyone that doesn't explicitly offer value to you is a wonderful policy. [pops Poor NCR Schmuck #2 in the head] Because as far as I'm concerned, this wasteland belongs to me and the weak should fear the strong.
  [Small-game hunter knows not to shoot for the stars]
  Upside here, looting is a dream because robbing a corpse is a far smoother experience than bartering with a living being. And who knows, you might just get lucky and find a mysterious big iron that has sound effects.
  [Deliveryman gets the best damn gun west of the Colorado with only some minor bloodshed - not his] Yeehaw chucklefucks.
  Downside here, everyone that you haven't killed yet hates your guts. Oh man do people ever think you're an abomination, so interacting with the various tribes of the Mojave is significantly more painful.
  [The taxman intends to collect by deadly force; Badger's response?] It's about fuckin time, fellas.
• The dumbfounded reaction Badger has upon learning the significant value afforded to a Sneak build in New Vegas:
  Badger: My destiny was to confront Benny at the Tops casino on the New Vegas Strip and figure out why the hell that platinum chip was so goddamn important. But just before I did, I was reminded of why my seemingly dumbass build is damn brilliant thanks to maxing out Sneak.
  [One Man Walking Armory goes on a trip to Vegas, stopped at the door by the rulebook]
  You see, none of these casinos on the Strip want a bumbling wastelander walking into the joint with all kinds of dangerous weapons, so they make you check them at the door to avoid any violence, but if your Sneak stat is high, you can fit an arsenal in the door no problem.
  [Shady weapons dealer makes shady claim, Badger be like "Hold my Rum & Nuka"]
  [after handing off all but the holdout weapons] Okay, so they didn't find... two .357s, a .44 magnum, two 10mm pistols, THREE 9mm pistols, a combat knife, eight sticks of dynamite, a frag grenade, three moar sticks of dynamite,^*Long-fuse dynamite, to be exact, with a longer time to explode a mysterious magnum, a silenced .22, spiked knuckles, a switchblade and a TIRE IRON. Sneak is BROKEN. I'm gonna repair all this by the way, don't have an aneurysm.
• Badger reaching the moment of truth when it's time to kill Benny and he opts for a... creative method.
  Badger: I was surprised he didn't perish from a heart attack the moment he laid eyes on me still breathing.
  [Smug Snake in a checkered suit learns that the game truly was rigged from the start - just not in his favor]
  Blow his guards up with a frag grenade and finish him off with dynamite. Hell, you can even let him flee for the time being and kill him later over and over again when his hands are tied, thanks to the joy of quicksaving.
  [A good torturing has turned Benny loopy enough to agree to more torture]
  Yeah, you better believe that Benny started sweating when you hit the F5 key.
  [Facing down the barrel of a mysterious magnum, Benny has no words. Badger? Just a few] Truth is, the game was rigged from the st-[He paints that black-white-checkered suit an even blood-red with bits of brain too] Haha. I'm gonna hit him a few moar times just so he doesn't come back like I did.
  [One load of a quicksave later]
  Did I really just march halfway across the Mojave to kill Benny with a tire iron? [Benny fucking esplodes] YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT!
  Several Legionnaires nearby: A fine kill.
  Badger: ...with a tire iron?
• How Badger summarizes the scheme that kicked off the whole plot of the game:
  Yeah, Benny basically blew your head off because a giant Securitron army is currently running Windows XP and you were carrying a licensed version of Windows 10.
• Badger makes his feelings about one of the two biggest factions vying for control of the Mojave very clear, very quickly:
  Badger: On one side, you've got the New California Republic, or NCR, representing Old World values like democracy, taxes, and rule of law, but... I'mma keep it above. Fuck the NCR!
  [Badger ain't afraid to light up the taxman with a whole damn sunbeam when he comes]
  OH MY GOD the NCR is unbearable, pun intended. [Badger lights up Poor NCR Schmuck #3 just cause] Even as "the good guys." they make it impossible to like them with how condescending and pedantic they are, especially when it comes to violence.
  [Army of armed tax collectors asks Badger "nicely" to "keep off their lawn".] I honestly can't wait to sell you into slavery. I'm not even kidding.
  They are such chickenshit cowards, like they are so terrified of the Legion crushing them at Hoover Dam, half of them are contemplating suicide.
  [Turns out a lot of wasteland taxmen don't have an easy of it, but does Badger care?] Okay. I get it. You wanna kill yourself, shut the fuck UP.
  They're dumber than I am, and as a reminder, I have Sub-brick intelligence. Like who should we put in charge of a vital solar power plant? I dunno, how about some bum off the street named "Fantastic" with no experience whatsoever?
  [How many practical assholes with theoretical degrees in physics does it take to turn on a power plant? The world may never know]
• His vitriol for the NCR is starkly contrasted against Badger's fondness for Caesar's Legion despite... well, you know...
  Badger: The Legion, on the other hand is absolutely based and the shootouts you witness between these two rival factions tells you everything you need to know.
  [Badger spectates as a Roman cosplayer in football gear bludgeons an armed tax collector to death] God damn does the Legion ever crush the NCR. They just- GET SOME.
  "But wait, don't they propagate slavery and crucify anyone that defies their will?"
  [Crowd of cosplayers all tell Badger where a degenerate like him belongs]
  Yes. But if there's one thing I hate more than slavery, it's taxes. The worst kind of slavery. So when I say "ave", you say [True to Caesar]. As evil as they may be, at least they're not pretending like the NCR is. Talking mad shit for having no real fighting prowess. And Caesar's right-hand man Lanius can tell you what happens when words aren't backed by strength.
  [Living Legend Lanius doles out the words of wisdom... and the blades of death to go along with them]
  That's the kind of acting on non-verbal ethos I can get behind. Sure, the Legion might be a little... intense but at least they treat me like an equal and have conviction in what they're pursuing.
• Badger's hilariously awful response to losing Karma over killing Mr. House.
  Badger: How did I lose karma for that? He was already a vegetable... I'm just making him mashed potatoes.
• How it goes down when Badger assesses the first faction he's sent after, the Boomers.
  Badger: You got the appropriately-named Boomers. Because they're terrified of anything foreign to them, labeling outsiders as savages. [Even Badger rocking the mechanized drip gets blown away by the big guns] And you gotta make it through an artillery barrage if you want to talk to them.
  [Amidst the "warm welcome" from Nellis] Can I just say... This is by far the MOST accurate ar—[Badger gets ragdolled and knocked into a rock]—tillery barrage that I've ever seen. Like, this is—[A followup explosion does him in]— NOT the way artillery works, dawg!

[LAUGHS IN 71 ROUND DINNER PLATE] | Rainbow Six Siege Chunky Rework

• The video opens with Grouse making fun of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.
  Grouse: .38 Special Snake Shot, which is used to kill snakes, which wouldn't even penetrate body armor, literally broke the game for two months because it killed people so effectively. They're pellets the size of flecks of pepper inside HAM. Like it is nothing.
  Badger: I've been hit with supersoakers with more penetrating power than .38.
  Grouse: I'm pretty sure that .38 special snake shot has the same amount of kinetic energy as a six year old with a sock'em bopper. But in Modern Warfare, you get hit with it and your body gets torn in half!
• Badger's friends won't let him forget that playing Rainbow Six was his idea.
  Badger: Why are we doing this?! Why are we still here?!
  Heavenly: Who's "We"?! You speaking French over there? YOU wanted to be here! I wanted to be in VR chat!
  Badger: Oh god, why do they do this to themselves?
  Grouse: Fuck themselves, why do they do that to me?!
• The UI's formatting resulting in long names being abbreviated or cut off led to both unfortunate and hilarious results, such as LeviathanNight becoming "LeviathanNig," or Badger's friends making fun of him for being RussianBadge now.

2022 Videos

HIGH IMPACT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM | World of Tanks

• The topic of the .700 Nitro Express is brought up at one point and Badger brings up to the group how their friend Julius would post about it.
  Badger: This is something that Julius would post in general. Everytime I hear the word "Nitro Express", I just think, "God bless America". Someone made a caliber that fucking stupid and was like "Yo, .700 Nitro Express!"
  Clu: You're not lying, though, Julius is so cursed. One minute he'll post, like, pictures of his cat, then next he'll be like "Alright, these are the exact ingredients to make anthrax."
  (Badger starts spraying the sip of GamerSupps he was taking from laughter)
  Clu: (Slightly laughing) Badger did I make you spit? I think I made- (Laughs a little more) I think I he spilled his GamerSupps everywhere...
  Badger: You just made me uncontrollably sneeze! I thought you were going to say "pipebomb", and you said "anthrax"! And it just hit me way too fucking hard, cuz that's so accurate about what Julius would do! I did not stand a chance, the game was rigged from the start!
• Badger addresses Skullker introducing everyone to his new Auto-Tune functionality of his sound board...
  Badger: For every 100 Bits he was donated, he would turn the Auto-Tune on his soundboard up by 1%. I know that doesn't sound too dangerous, like it's no big deal, but you watch this next part and you tell me there's a God...
  Skullker: I could also increase auto-tune over time slowly.
  Eekaj: Oh, god...
  Dustin: (laughing) Oh, god, no!
  Badda: No. Can we not?
  Skullker: Every hundred bitties, I will turn it up a percentage point. (after some gameplay) Alright, we're at 15% now.
  Badger: You're gonna max that out so fast.
  Skullker: Alright, we're going up twenty more percent.
  (more gameplay ensues)
  Skullker: (disgusted sigh) This is bad. We're already at 41% guys...
  Badger: YO. Even your exhale was autotuned!
  Skullker: 71%...(everyone else starts laughing)
  Badger: What?! WHAT?!
  Geuce: You sound like a fucking Decepticon charging up, bro! What the fuck?!
  Skullker: SEVENTY-ONE! AAAAAAAAAGH—
  Badger: Bring the pitch back down! It's—
  Skullker: (highly autotuned) It's not the pitch moving, that's just me existing.
  Jello: Is there a way to put Skullker in my head like Master Chief and Cortana?
  • Skullker then has his computer crash due to his PC's power supply self-disconnecting. Keep in mind this was after someone already donated ten thousand bits, guaranteeing his auto-tune would be maxed out.
    Badger: (narrating) Even after he rebooted and reconnected to voice chat, everyone on Twitch was still hammering him with donations.
    Skullker: I hit critical mass, bro. My computer just died. (heavily auto-tuned) Hold on, let me turn this back on. Cuz he paid for it...
    Eekaj: (laughing) Oh my god!
    Skullker: Hold on...there we go.
    (Smash Cut)
    Skullker: FUCK, BRO! GOD DAMN IT! (wheeze-laughing from others ensues) This is so fucking AIDS. Because I hear myself auto-tuned.
    Geuce: Okay, now I can not understand you cuz you're fucking all over the place...
    Skullker: Why can't you understand me? REEEEEEEEEEE...
    • After a failed "hostage negotiator" scenario where Skullker suggests he'd mute for the rest of the stream if someone donated to him $1000, Heavenly steps up to fix things...
      Badger: (narrating) The details are kinda fuzzy in my brain, because hearing all these strange noises at such a high volume maxed out the CPU in my brain. But I'm pretty sure Heavenly lowered [Skullker's] volume on Discord to zero and then just muted him.
      Skullker: Wait, what? Wait, dude, my microphone level is at zero right now.
      Geuce: That's perfect. That is perfect.
      Heavenly: Yeah, because we can barely fucking hear you. Shut the fuck up. (the others laugh)
      Geuce: ...why'd you server mute him, bro? (Heavenly starts cackling)
• At one point, Jello ends up getting himself cut off comedically, leading to Badger suggesting it as "GIFs that end too soon"... pronouncing it as "JIF", much to Jello's irritation.
  Jello: I have a question for you. What does GIF stand for?
  Badger: Graphics Interchange Format-
  Jello: Graphics Interchange Format. So if it was JIF, it would be JRAPHICS Interchange Format! YOU DO NOT CALL IT A FUCKING JRAPHICS CARD!
  Clu: Both of you are pronouncing it wrong, it's pronounced "Greg." (Everyone starts to laugh)
  Jello: You're pronouncing it wrong too, Clu. There are federal agents outside my hou—(the others laugh)
  Clu: Is it "Greg" or is it "Jeff"?
  Booger: No, it is not pronounced "yiff". (Badger has a Spit Take as he starts laughing)
  Badger: Yo. Wait a minute. Doesn't that have something to do with furries? I dunno, I always feel like furries have such a huge power level that they're not to be trifled with.
  Clu: They can just shoot you down in a street like a dog and their faces will not be on the CCTV footage because they got a fursuit on.
  Jello: Wat da dog doin'?
  Badger: (laughing) Shut up, Jello!
  Jello: He saw a pit bull there and he said, "Wat da dog doin'?" And then he goes—
  Booger: You saw Pitbull? Mr. Worldwide?
  Jello: MR. THREE-O-FI—
  Badger: (laughing) Shut the fuck up!

DESTROY ALL TAXPAYER DOLLARS | Insurgency: Sandstorm

• Once again, Badger has another encounter with the Furry Fandom, admitting his gratefulness that he's more beloved than anything else.
  "Let the record show that your video memes are making rounds in the furry community, and I love it, lol."
  Badger: That's because I don't want the furry community to pipe bomb my mailbox. It's a very strategic effort.
  "As an ambassador of the furry commu-" (Badger bursts out laughing midway through) "As an ambassador of the furry community, you're on a white list, don't worry."

2023 Videos

GOBLIN MODE BRAIN ROT | Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II

• The video opens with Skulker inverting Suddenly Shouting.
  Skulker: THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE SHOT ME!
  Digi: Shut up! You just happen to be where my bullets are!
  Skulker: DON'T LEFT CLICK! You're wasting ammo.
• Geuce having a GENUINE rage moment over someone soundboarding the Taco Bell bong.
  Pasta: Oh, I'm about to hit them with the (Taco Bell bong plays)
  Geuce: Stop soundboarding the Taco Bell bong!! That's like an 8 month old meme!! STOP! STOP! (his character in Badger's video is pointing a gun at the screen)
  Pasta: Cry about it...
  Geuce: I FUCKEN—I'M SCREAMING ABOUT IT, MOTHERFUCKER, STOP!
  Badger: (mid laughter) Genuine vitriol, dawg. If he was next to you, he was about to throw his kitchen sink at you!
• Heavenly talks about a time where a current Call of Duty dev appeared on his chat, and he told him about how there was a bug where they kept getting the border crossing map. The dev answered with "I will pass that to the higher ups (I do not give a shit)". Badger memes it.
  Badger: "There's a bug where I keep getting the border crossing map". Reply from user: "I will fucking kill you". (laughter)
• The entire squad following their team's Juggernaut around, not to support him, but just to gush over the fact he wears Timbs.
  Badda: (who just picked up the Juggernaut) ...it has theme music?
  Badger: Yeah! (cut to everyone else following Badda as he charges forth)) Go, Badda! Go! Go, go! Juggernaut with TIMBS ON! HE HAS TIMBS ON! This is canon. This is canon! He's bulldozing people with Timbs on. Everything about him is bulletproof except his Timbs!]
  Heavenly: "IT'S YA BOI, BIG ARMA TOMMY..."
  Badger: Do it to 'em, Badda!
  Heavenly: "...A.K.A. THE BRONX NIGHTMARE, A.K.A. THE BROOKLYN MENACE..."
  Herboku: The size 12 yaddas!
  Badger: Yo! The size 15 yaddas! Do it to 'em, Badda!
  Heavenly: Don't get schtomped!
  Badger: I'm not even looking at The Juggernaut, I'm just looking at his yaddas! (Badda guns down an enemy at near-point blank with his minigun) YO. You just mowed him in half!
  Herboku: He's on fire! What the fuck?! (laughing)
  Badger: He hit you with a thermite; you're still not dead!
• Badger complains about the people who actually know what they're doing spreading misinformation, only for Grouse to correct him.
  Grouse: I don't misinform; I just lie.
• What starts as a bit about Obama threatening his daughter's boyfriend with a drone strike turns into an incredibly awkward piece of Cringe Comedy:
  Digi: (Obama impersonation) I'm sure you're a fine young man. But if—
  Geuce: Uh, nah Digi, no no no, nah. Nah. Sorry.
  Heavenly: (incredulous) Did y'all just cut his bit? Two words in? GOD DAMN.
  Digi: I'm leaving.
  Heavenly: Are we vetoing bits now? Can we just do that?!
  Clu: Oh he actually left...
  Badger: What kind of friendship is it where you guys just think someone's story is not funny like 25% of the way through, and you cut it off. You literally just say "SHUT UP." You skip dialogue options!
  Heavenly: That shit was 2%! He literally got, "My fellow—" and y'all were like, "Mmm-mmm, mmm-mmm, nuh-uh, cut his mic, cut his mic."
  Geuce: ...bro, did he get offline?! I don't even see him! (Heavenly starts busting out laughing) Hang on, lemme DM, bro. I didn't mean to...I didn't mean to hurt bro's feelings...
  (Heavenly spends several long seconds cackling like a madman)
  Badger: Damn, Heavenly is the Scooby-Doo villain now. Heavenly is now the Scooby-Doo villain!
  Heavenly: Yo, this Nyquil beatin' my ass! That is not that funny! But I can't stop laughing! (pounds his desk) Y'all just verbally buzzered that man! (keeps laughing)
• Due to the sheer number of choppers, gun runs, etc. they call in, the group starts questioning how the ship they're fighting on is still in one piece.
  DigitalVagrant: How is there anything left of this boat? How is there anything left of this section of the ocean? By sheer artillery alone we should've tunneled our way to Atlantis by now.

BANISHED TO THE SHADOW REALM | War Thunder

• At one point, Skulker decides to reveal his AI powered clones of the group's voices. Much Hilarity Ensues.
  • First up is Badger's voice, who's met with pure disbelief from the others, including Badger himself:
    AI!Badger: I'm smoking on Bhutanese garden grown dark evil pack. They watered this shit with the blood of 36 dragons. Shit's so purple it should be asking me, "Where's Ronald?" GAMER. This shit will turn your pacemaker off. Nuclear levels of sour. This shit is what shot Tupac. RIP my gamer for real, dawg. Peace. (everyone else is laughing)
    Badger: Wait, who is this supposed to be?
    Geuce: THAT'S YOU!
  • And then when Bing's AI is revealed, Bing has some uncertainties about him:
    Bing: God, it's so much weirder when I don't know what the AI voice is gonna say. It feels like I'm sitting there with a Doodlebob Bing.
    (Heavenly can be heard cackling)
    AI!Bing: (Sounding more offended than ever) Don't call me Doodlebing, you fucking dingleborb. (everyone else laughs)

HAMSTER CHIEF LOBSTERS THE FORTBITE | Fortnite Zero Build

• The opening starts us off with a hilarious enough philosophical talk:
  Badger: Dudes with nut allergies when I hit them in the head with a brick.
  (Cue a random civilian being nailed in the head with a brick with "Brick" written on it)
  Badger: Is this like punching somebody in the dark, is it like a legal loophole? (Master Chief suddenly runs in and punches Badger offscreen as everyone laughs)
  Herboku: I was just feeling around for my surroundings... And Badger's face was my surroundings!
  Badger: No, I thought SsethTzeentach (pronounced sseth-teech) said that. "Much like punching someone in the dark, it is a victimless crime.
• The title card for the episode has Badger and friends doing a boyband style dance to Dasloe's "Angel in Disguise", only for the Joker to blow up everyone but Badger, Batman to run up and sucker punch Badger through a wall, and for Thanos to just utterly atomize him right after.
• At one point, Badger prepares to pick up a downed Black Panther player to let an ally execute them... Only to make a certain comment while doing so:
  Badger: Yo, come with me Black Panther, we're going to get some chemo thera—oh that—that's too soon, sorry...
  Heavenly: Wait a minute, son—?! Naah! (cue calls of disappointment from the others)
  Badger: WHY DID I THINK OF THAT FIRST, CHAT?!
  Digi: ...HOLY SHIT.
  Badger: Why did I think of that first...!? Chat, that's just one of those intrusive thoughts that like...
  Heavenly: Nah.
  Digi: Bro, rewind that fucking shit.
  Heavenly: Cut the—cut the stream, dawg.
  Badger: Just kill me. Just drag me to heaven, just take me out of this reality.
  Heavenly: HEAVEN?! BITCH, YOU GOIN' TO HELL!
• Towards the end of the video, Eekaj is explaining a rather rough experience:
  Eekaj: I've had people call me things that I wouldn't even dare say to myself—
  Badger: LIBERAL.
  (Eekaj's avatar stops to slowly stare at Badger while everyone else laughs or exclaims in faux caution)
• Digi throws a match by not looking to completely blanking when an enemy ran behind a tree and gets completely roasted in chat.
  Digi: NOOOOOO!
  Heavenly: You have the world's worst EVERTYTHING!
  Badger: Digi, I feel like I've got amphibians and frogs pointing at me like "This ya boi?" Alright, Pasta, I got a slot for you right here.
  Badger: (reading chat) Damn, all of chat saying "You failed the vibe check", "get him away from the stove", "my boy got the object permanence of a frog", oh my God. Digi, we gotta lose more often just so I can see what the hell chat does to you, this is, "do not let him cook", "Digi threw", "he choked", oh my God, "that boy cooked the most rare steak"!
  Heavenly: I clutched us a game and all Digi had to do was look left. I had to get rezzed, fly in, rezz yall, fly back out, get slurp, and all Digi had to do was figure out which way his wrist goes, what the fuck! I need, I need to- I gotta use the bathroom or something, I gotta go to college or something, I can't be with these motherfuckers.
  Digi: I am face down on my fucken desk. I got nothing. (sobbing in pain)
  (Others can be heard laughing; Digi's sobs sound like they're coming from the other side of the room from his mic)
  Dustin: Digi got hit with all seven Halo rings. (more laughter)
  Digi: He went behind the tree and my brain was like, "Where'd he go?!" (more pained sobbing)
  Badger: That's so mean, chat! You're roasting Digi for his object permanance?
  Digi: I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN LIKE THIS!
  Badger: Yeah, Digi just got a bad roll; he can't reroll now.
  Digi: Someone buy me a stat reset, PLEASE! (breaks down laughing)
  Badger: "Please, let me re-roll, God..."
  Digi: I PICKED THE WRONG TECH TREE! FUCK! (Digi's monitor has a mock tech tree that has Birth going to either ADHD or Autism; Digi apparently picked the former)

LORE ACCURATE VERGIL STOMPS MARVEL FOR $50 AND SOME DRIP | Marvel vs Capcom 3

• Zyzx joins the team to help the crew learn Marvel Vs Capcom 3 better, and Badger praises him for being good at it and slapping all of his friends around.
  Badger: Make no mistake, he put all of us in the forever box and nailed it shut, but playing a fighting game with Gary is downright unforgettable.
  (the video cuts to Heavenly and Zyzx fighting as Rocket Racoon and Vergil)
  Zyzx: Do the input better!
  Heavenly: I'ma shoot you with a gun! (he pauses and sprints at Zyzx) C'mere bitch...
  Zyzx: Yeah? What do you want? (he grabs him and throws him behind him, causing everyone to laugh, he then proceeds to slowly walk on Heavenly's direction)
  Heavenly: Yo yo yo, nah, chill bro, my-my fault bro, I didn't mean to g-check you like that-
  Zyzx: (clearly playing with his food) Yo, watchu sayin', bro? Why you talkin' shit, you was talkin' that shit?
  Herboku: Grab his ass.
  Heavenly: I wanna go home. I wanna go home, I wanna go home-
  Zyzx: You wanna go home? Uh-huh, I gotchu homie, I gotchu. (he combos Heavenly and leaves him with 1 pixel of health) You know what? Jump him. (he calls all his other characters to do a Team Hyper Combo for the KO)
• Badger asks about a certain FGC celebrity and accidentally turns it into a bit.
  Badger: Hold up, who's the furry that slaps everybody's shit?
  Zyzx: That's SonicFox.
  Badger: I was about to say Low Tier Fox, I was gonna get that wrong.
  (Zyzx spit takes and starts laughing while mumbling "low tier fox??' in pure disbelief)
  Heavenly: (somehow full of wonder) YO! That would be an evil creation. Low Tier Fox?
  Badger: Low Tier God as a furry? I'm terrified.
• One of the first sets of rounds is Digi VS Grouse, with Digi notably having Hulk on his team. Here's Badger's introduction to the matchup, and the following conversation:
  Badger: Up next in Round 2, we got the ADHD goblin DigitalVagrant versus the indestructible American hero Grouse, and I got two words for you:
  (Cut to the first battle as Digi is in control of Hulk)
  Hulk: GAMMA WAVE! GAMMA WAVE! GAMME WAVE! GAMMA WAVE!
  (Smash cut to the end of the battle with Grouse winning)
  Heavenly: KILL HIS ASS, PLEASE! Do not let this motherfucker progress, I don't wanna anyone else do this! Someone taught him how to play like a bitch and I'm mad! I don't wanna see this! KILL HIM! PUT THE CONTROLLER AROUND- (Breaks down laughing)
  Badger: No, we are not putting a controller around somebody's neck and twisting it, it's a wireless controller, you can't even do that.
  Grouse: Yeah, so basically we're gonna fucken kill you bro, that's just the way it goes.
  Badger: OF COURSE chat says that! I say "You can't choke him with a wireless controller, there are no wires." Looks inside. (Cutting to the memetic "*Looks Inside* Cat", followed by the inside of a wireless controller) Wires.
  Lythero: If you can choke someone with the small copper wire in-between the circuit, they deserve the death, honestly.
• Later on, the match went to Badda vs Bing but Badger uses the time to talk about how some of Lythero and Zyzx's voice impressions are stellar, while others are dowright awful to hear. The funny part is that Badger mistakes Lythero talking normally as him trying to do an impression of Spot from Across The Spider-Verse, and then the whole thing turns into making fun of Zyzx's abysmal Joker impression.
  Zyzx: Spiderman going through his canon event right now.
  Lythero: (as Spot, in his normal voice) " I created you, you creased my jays." "Spiderman, why did you crease that man's jays?"
  Zyzx: "I didn't!!"
  Badger: Damn, I feel like Lythero's impressions are kinda mid, but that one's REALLY good.
  Zyzx: D-damn?!
  Badger: Your Spot is so good I think you ARE Spot.
  Lythero: Thanks so much... I love being villain of the week.
  Badger: No, you gotta understand, Gary's Joker is so bad, but his Batman is so good, it makes no sense! It makes no sense.
  Lythero: No one's Batman impression is bad!
  Zyzx: (doing a Batman impression) "JOKER, IT'S 2-0, JOKER." (he swaps to Joker) "Batman it's uhh, 2-0."
  Grouse: What the fuck.
  Herboku: What was that?
  Pasta: You sound like you're in an alley in a trenchcoat, wtf.
  Heavenly: Gary, is that your Joker??
  Zyzx: THIS IS MY JOKER, HEAVENLY.
  Heavenly: You sound like you're Roger from American Dad!!!
  Badger: (as Roger) "Why is the sun...so loud?"
  Zyzx: (as Joker) "BATMAN! THIS IS MY JOKER, BATMAN!"
  Lythero: Alright, alright, "commentator", get back in the booth with your "mid" co-commentator.
  Heavenly: Lythero is in tears right now.
  Badger: Your Spot is so good.
  Zyzx: Mf called him "mid", that's hilarious.
  Lythero: (reading chat) Chat, I was just using my normal day voice, he called me the fuckin Spot.
• Another highlight: Zyzx and Heavenly doing a bit as Muscle Man and Pops.
  Zyzx, as Muscle Man: YOU GOT THIS POPS! FUCK 'EM UP, BRO!
  (Beat as everyone starts laughing)
  Zyzx: HELL YEAH, BROTHER!
  Heavenly, as Pops: Thank you, Muscle Man! I bought a hitbox; they can't beat me-
  Zyzx: OH, oh, you have a cheat- you have a CHEATER BOX?! Oh man, I can't believe it. You know WHO ELSE... (Zyzx pauses for breath) got CHEATED ON?!
  (extended Beat as everyone loses their shit while Zyzx's avatar looks downtrodden)
  Zyzx: It's not FAIR, bro. I did EVERYTHING for her!
• Mickey wins the last round on the tournament by KO'ing Heavenly's Nemesis and Vergil (which, mind you, is the most overpowered character in the game and had FULL HEALTH) with a 33% health Ryu, and everyone goes insane... especially Geuce.
  Geuce: (extremely loud) DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN, MICKEY WITH A METAL CHAIR! OUTTA FUCKING NOWH- (he cuts himself off with a Windows error sound effect)
  Heavenly: Fighting Herboku felt right, fighting Grouse felt wrong, and fighting Mickey is like, I can't do it.
  Geuce: (somehow louder than before) THAT WAS FOR MANHATTAN! THAT WAS FOR THE BIG APPLE! THAT WAS FOR 9- (he cuts himself off again and everyone laughs)

2024 Videos

robbing $124 from a free to play game (World of Warships)

• At one point, Badger discusses the fact that he can basically chat and relax with his friends and Twitch chat while playing World of Warships, leading to him bringing up asking Skulker what he'd do with a genie. Cue a shitload of Refuge in Audacity wishes in which he proceeds to obliterate physics with:
  Skulker: Okay, I wanna revoke Bernoulli's Principle so wings no longer work and... and airplanes are just canceled.
  Bing: What the fu...
  Bees: Ok, there's four things you can't wish for.
  Skulker: I wanna multiple gravity by a factor of nine. Just to see what happens.
  Clu: I wanna remove friction. (Cue a Beat as his avatar starts rapidly sliding across the screen as the others laugh)
  Skulker: Yeah, yeah that one's good. And then I wanna make all fresh water salt water, and I wanna make all salt water fresh water.
  Jackal: All sea life dies.
  Digi: Also all fish immediately perish.
  Skulker: It also kills ALL the wildlife. Everything in the ocean dies.
  (After Badger recaps Skulker and Bees' talk)
  Skulker: I wanna put a negative sign in front of gravity just, to see what happens. And then yeah like, double world hunger or something, I dunno.
• Later on, Badger begins to recap his quest to unlock Tier Six New Mexico, but notes that all his best footage of said quest was laced with the most batshit insane combination of out of pocket conversations. In Badger's words:
  Badger: I was talking to Pasta about how I didn't know he was black, Geuce started cracking a fresh can of soda every time someone placed an order using his Gamer Supps code which made his Sprite-loving girlfriend furious, and Skulker poured gas on the fire by trying to minmax the situation so Geuce cracked and wasted as many cans as possible in the name of carbon footprint. The whole situation is very confusing to me too, but apparently the less I talk about the game I'm playing, the better my performance in that game becomes.
  • Starting with Badger not knowing something very critical about one of his friends...
    Badger: Pasta, are you half-white?
    Pasta: I'm not any white. Hispanic and black, my guy.
    Badger: ...oh, you're black? I did not know you were black. I knew you were Hispanic—
    Heavenly: (loud cackling)
    Badger: —but I did not know you were black.
    Digi: How did you not know this?!
    Geuce: You're Dominican; that's pretty much like Mexican and black, right? That's just kinda what that is...
    Badger: No, but I've onl—
    Pasta: I swear to god, if you call me Dominican again, I'm gonna beat your ass.
    Geuce: Aren't you Dominican? I thought you were Dominican!
    Pasta: NO!
    Badger: No no no no no, hold on...
    Geuce: Okay! Then what kinda Hispanic are you?!
    Badger: I have only ever heard Pasta talk about being Hispanic; I've never heard of him...
    Geuce: What kind of Hispanic?
    Pasta: Colombian. Jesus fuck.
    Geuce: Colombian! Ohhhh...
    Badger: Correct. I have definitely heard that before.
    Pasta: Nowhere near the Dominican Republic.
  • Following that, Badger ends up being Mistaken for Racist, which leads into the Geuce soda incident...
    Badger: Chat's like "Oh you're black? *Sips beer*" I'm just asking if he's black, I didn't mean anything by it. I also just asked him if he was white five seconds earlier, you had no issue with that.
    Geuce: Oh, you're white? (Cue the sound of a soda can being cracked open as everyone starts laughing)
    Digi: (over the laughter) MELANIN.
    Badger: Do you just keep cans around so you can say shit, crack your can—?
    Geuce: Fuck it, I'm doing it for the bit. (Another soda is cracked open)
    Badger: (Corpsing along with the others) OH NO...
    (Two more soda cans are cracked open as everyone begs for Geuce to stop wasting his cans)
    Jackal: The ENTIRE six pack!
    Badger: This is a- (Another can is opened) WASTE...!
    Jackal: THE SEVEN PACK!
    Herboku: Wait, wait Geuce, ay, ayy Geuce, lemme get one, hold on, lemme get one.
    Badger: That better be- (Another can cracks open) That better be a sound effect!
    Jackal: THE EIGHT PACK!
    Badger: I hope that is a soundboard.
    Geuce: IT'S NOT! It's not, I bought a twelve-pack today, I just opened seven, bro!
    Badger: (As he's laughing) No, why...?! I'm not going to comp you a twelve-pack-
    Geuce: I HAVE TO COMMIT TO THE BIT, I HAVE TO COMMIT! I HAVE TO COMMIT BRO!
    • It then turns into a shill fest for Gamer Supps...
      Herboku: If you don't grab a boot and shotgun all of them right now...
      Geuce: At least I'm wasting Sprite, and not GAMER SUPPS! USE CODE... (goes quite for a long, awkward moment while others laugh)
      Badger: You can promote your own Gamer Supps [discount code]; that's fine.
      Geuce: (directly into the microphone) BLACK LUNG, BABY! BLACK LUNG! 10% OFF, MOTHERFUCKER! RUN THAT SHIT! Anyway, fuck Sprite, it's—I'm pouring all this out.
      Badger: Dawg, that got me laughing so hard, my body heated up and I gotta take my hoodie off.
      Pasta: Nah, use code "Pasta" cuz you didn't know I was black.
      Digi: Use code "Vagrant" cuz I dunno.
      Grouse: Drink some water for once in your fucking life.
      Geuce and Digi: No!
• Moments after Skullker joins (to the "Lego Yoda death" sound), Geuce confirms that two orders have been placed using his discount code.
  Geuce: LET'S GO! SHIT! Two of 'em! Hang on... these are my last two in the case; hang on, I got another one, though...
  Badger: (ruefully) Thank you, chat, thank you for buying Gamer Supps with code Black Lung. You're making Geuce's whole-ass night.
  Geuce: Yeah, baby! YEAH, BABY!
  Badger: You are making up for the Sprite loss.
  Geuce: Double barrel! You ready for this?
  Eekaj: Sprite cranberry—
  (Geuce opens both cans in rapid succession, much to the chagrin of everyone else in the call)
  Stretchy: Wait! You can't do that! Stop adding to the Sprite deficit!
  Badger: Damn, he's just stylin'—
  Geuce: BANG-BANG! BANG-BANG!

when the $10 youtube poop outsells call of duty (Lethal Company)

• Badger makes the understandable point that Lethal Company isn't as scary when there's more people than the base game can allow. Hence, when he overhears Grouse's extremely American morning routine:
  Grouse: I got a picture of George W. Bush that I kiss in my living room every mornin-
  (The voice cuts off as Badger exits the main building for a few chuckles)
  Badger: Yo, what were you saying about George Bush earlier before you cut off?
  Grouse: I was talking about my morning ritual. Uh, every morning I wake up, salute the flag, I take a shit, get out of bed, and then I...I kiss a photo of George Bush every morning. Herschel Walker and W.