The Completionist / Funny

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The Completionist

Mega Man X

How the Completionist introduces the show to the masses
Jirard: This show is a catalyst for me to review games from the classic era to the next and current generation of consoles, to even the old school arcade days of PC and old school Atari Gaming. I'm also going to be reviewing games that you guys, the fans suggest. Games that I haven't even played before and that's where the fun comes in because I get to hear your ideas and that kind of thing. And also because I'm an entertaining Whore. Whore.
Jirard points out how easy each boss fight is once you get the proper power-up. It then cuts to the fight against Spark Mandrill, with Greg dubbing over said boss as the latter is constantly interrupted every time he gets hit by X using the shotgun ice.
Greg!Spark Mandrill: *evil laugh* Welcome to my lair! I saw the way you’ve floated through that door. But there’s absolutely no way that you can… (gets frozen for a few seconds) A lucky shot! But n… (gets frozen) Guys!... (gets frozen) Well, luckily… (frozen again) My only… (frozen again) If you’d… (frozen again) It’s go… (frozen again) I don’t thin… (frozen again) Ah, yes. The… (frozen again) And bounce off the wall!? You… (gets hit one final time, and then explodes) I’m ‘splodin’.

The Secret of Mana

The introduction is just the premise of any game review show ever.
Jirard: Welcome to The Completionist, where I play games! And you watch them.
When discussing the plot of the game they use The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past as cutscenes to show the plot of the game.
Greg: (In a cackling whisper) The Secret of Mana
When discussing the enemies
Jirard: Ferocious beasts like turtles with wheels...
Greg: (in a bored tone) Vroom.
Jirard: ducks with helmets...
Greg: (still bored) Quack.
Jirard: and books.
Greg: READ ME!
Neeko the Price Gouging Cat.
Neeko: AH, GIVE ME YA MONEY!

Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2

Whenever Jirard says "Hawk" Greg makes a hawk noise. Since this joke was getting obnoxious to Jirard he supplemented the word with other types of birds.
When Old Man Snitchez uses a glitch to get lots of hang time on a wall-ride he tells the audience a story about his younger years.
You get to play as Shpidah-Mang.

Shadow of the Colossus

When Jirard mentions that the music in this game could be played in any situation, it cuts to him playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl against JonTron, who then makes an over-the-top rant after losing a fight.
At the end, Jon shows up again, this time ranting about Jirard not giving Shadow of the Colossus more praise than he should.

Banjo-Kazooie

BEARS! Becomes a Running Gag later on.
There's the bit where Jirard and Greg demonstrate what it would be like to talk in real life through the Speaking Simlish dialogues of this game.

Sonic 3 and Knuckles

What Jirard thought "rolling around at the speed of sound" meant Heroin
- It then cuts to him taking Heroin and saying that he doesn't have a problem.

Super Meat Boy

The re-enactment of of Meat Boy and Bandage Girl's relationship. Bandage Girl is just so deadpan.
Meat Boy: Okay Bandage Girl, I'm coming to save you!
Bandage Girl: Come on over.
Meat Boy: Alright attempt number 1076.
Bandage Girl: Oh, watch out for those blades.
Meat Boy: NYUGH—*dies*
After completing Super Meat Boy Jirard "dies" (He just passed out). Greg mourns him for five seconds before taking over the show.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time

Inception music plays while Michaelangelo gets hit by planks in the face
His Completion Bonus? He can't beat the game
- During his final summary Jirard cuts in and give the game a rating of "Beard it"
- The music that plays during the segment? Jirard singing an a capella version of his favorite song from Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest. Very. Very. Badly.

Mega Man Legends

When it looks like the video will be another Mediocre-ist review Jirard talks over the intro and switches back to the main theme.

Super Mario RPG

This exchange, which takes place as Jirard is detailing the special abilities of each playable character:
Jirard: Mallow uses his cloud skills to save or harm people...
Greg: And give 'em the SHOCKER!
Jirard: ...and Princess Peach—
Greg: —who also loves the SHOCKER!
Jirard: (sigh) ...loves to heal and buff characters.
Greg: WITH THE SHOCKER- BEARS!

Defend it! - Duke Nukem Forever

The "Do you own a gun?" Brick Joke.
The Internet: No further questions, Your Honour!

Kingdom Hearts

Jirard has trouble finding the game.
Greg wants to ride the teacups in disneyland
Greg: I want to spin around in circles and vomit for many hours!
The screenshot for his rating has him eating a box.

Star Fox 64

Their Overhype over the game's rumble pack.
- Greg isn't even using one and he's still excited

The Laser Clown Trailer

Girl Investigator: Everywhere this Clown goes, people die. The one thing they have in common is that they're internet trolls. But why?
Greg: He didn't save the aliens.

Sonic Adventure: Director's Cut

Hey Sega, if I wanted to buy Sega Bass Fishing, I'd buy Sega Bass Fishing!
Jirard's insistence that Big the Cat does not exist. Coupled with Greg's shouts of "BIG... THE CAHT!"

Luigi's Mansion

The intro with Peanut Butter Gamer showing up.
Jirard: PBG? How do did you get to my house from Texas?!
PBG: I DON'T KNOW!!!
Greg: Well, maybe we should ask Jon. (Camera pans over to JonTron laying on a bed) Do you know how PBG got here?
Jon: ...Get the f[BEARS!]k out my house.
Greg: But this is Jirard's house.
Jon: (Turning in the bed) ... THE PIZZA-PLETIONIST.
"King Boo King of the Boos"

Mega Man X 4

Greg tries to reassue Jirard that he doesn't have to do the game four times while Jirard is rambling incoherently. Eventually he just blurts out...
Jirard: AHM THE COMPORTIONIST, TELLING YOU TO EAT HEALTHY. GREG, PLAY YOUR VIDEO GAMES.
When trying to pull Jirard out of his Heroic BSoD, Greg calls Davis from The Warp Zone.
Fish: Got anything?
Davis: I could just... Take his games.
Greg: What the hell would that do?
Davis: Then I would- Then I would have more games.
Fish: Yeah, that's good!
Greg: Beat ...I shouldn't have called you.

Defend it!- Resident Evil 5

When the time comes for the Internet to cross examine Jirard's witness (Davis from the Warp Zone, who'd also brought Schroeder), he outright ignores Davis and proceeds to scream at Schroeder for thirty seconds.
Judge Greg: Well... That was utterly frightening.

Sonic Adventure 2: Battle

Great... We need friends again.
Trogdor, the Ultimate Chao.

Sneak King

Jirard completing the one mission that had a less than point one thousand percent chance of success.
Jirard destroying the game at the end of the review, which is very reminiscent of the printer scene from Office Space.

Metal Gear Solid

Jirard trying to hide from Greg.

Contra III

Greg singing Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" in fluent German to ProtonJon.

Super Mario 3 D World

Having to switch from pieces of other videos they've made to a silly bit of the Mario cast in kitty suits running around to an obscure dance song.
Greg: But we've already used that one before!

Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins

F*** you, Greg.

Crash Bandicoot 3

"WHO'S NED?" (Referring to Dr. Neo Cortex's constant name mispronunciation in the Crash Bandicoot 2 video.

Super Smash Bros. For Wii U & 3 DS

"Super Smash Bros For Wii U & 3DS!... Oh I get it!"
Xander Mobus doing the "But Beardman!" leads to Greg calling him out.
Greg: Holy crap, are y-... are you the announcer from Super Smash Bros.!?
Xander: No! (beat) ... Yes.

Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker

Greg's title parodies of Indiana Jones.
Greg: Indiana Toad and the Raiders of the Lost Lark!
Jirard: I don't get it.
Greg: A lark is a small bird!
Jirard: Uh...Ohhhhhh hh-

Superman 64

The camera constantly zooming in and out during the closing cutscene, as the DK Rap plays over it.

Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus

Jirard pitching Sly Cooper's Revenge plot as being like Kill Bill for kids.
Buck: My name is Buck, and I like to fu ♫SUNNY DAY, SWEEPIN' THE CLOUDS AWAY♫

Untitled Goose Game

Jirard decides that the Untitled Goose has the internal voice of Bret. Cut to Bret's voiceover.
Brett: Hey! Hey girl! I'm a f[HONK!]ing GOOSE! Get ready to get HONKED on! That ain't yours. This is MINE! Gimme that!

Super Beard Bros.

A Link To The Past

The opening of Part 1:
Jirard: What's up people, I am Jirard.
Alex: And I am Alex.
Jirard: And this is Link to the Past.
Alex: And I am Alex.
How many times has Jirard played the game? Well into the triple digits. Then again, he is the Completionist.

Eff it Beard Bros: D&D

Girard, Alex, and Brett sit down to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons and their opening scene cements the coming hijinks. Gonad the Funny (Alex) enchants an ashtray to taste like mom's home cooking and feeds it to a confused and delighted patron. Zeddeles the Rogue (Brett) tries to identify the most valuable item in the bar and steal it. He fails the roll and steals a fork. Lanzoni the Barbarian (Girard) just watches dumbfounded.

Super Weird Bros.

Basically the entirety of the Kaizo Mario #1 episode. Jirard spends thirty minutes getting through a single level of the game, even with getting constant tips from Alex, and then getting through half of the next level in one minute, without even trying. He even undergoes Sanity Slippage at several points.
In the second Kaizo Mario episode, after many failures of a particularly hard challenge, Alex recommends Jirard takes "a breather". Jirard's "breather" consists of him exhaling once, and then immediately continuing the game.

Funny / The Completionist