Funny / Sword Farce Online

• Episode 1
  • Kirito logs in, determined to become the best player in Sword Art Online, throws a pebble at a boar... and promptly explodes the field, setting it on fire.
    Kirito: (as he witnesses the destruction; thinking) So, they didn't fix the bug... you know what? It's fine. I mean, nobody's around to see this, it's not like I've ruined my reputation again or anything-
    Klein: Did you just set the field on fire?!
    Kirito: (SCREAMS)
• Episode 2
  • The opening, crosses over with Black Comedy.
    Akihiko Kayaba: Hold on; SAO's been out for a month and we've already lost two thousand players? How the hell did that happen?! (offscreen whispers) WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY COULDN'T COPE WITH THE SITUATION- (Gilligan Cut to players walking off the edge of the map) Ohhhh. (offscreen "Yeah.") Well, how are the surviving players reacting to this?
    (Gilligan Cut to Kirito)
    Kirito: (thinking) Wonder if I should get a puppy? I'm sure they've got pets somewhere in SAO, maybe they're sold on the higher floor. Ooh, maybe I could train one to fight monsters with me? (voice gets momentarily higher) That'd be cool! Okay, what should I name it? Pumpkin? No wait, I'm allergic to pumpkins. Uh, Dash? That'd be a cool name! Uh, how about?
    Diable: (offscreen) Guys, I found the boss room! Everyone meet at the ampitheater now!
    Kirito: (looks up) ... (looks back down, resuming his train of thought) Actually now that a think of it, this is a fantasy world. Maybe I could get something more epic like a dragon or-'
    Diable: (offscreen) Meeting is required for all ex-beta testers!
    Kirito: (pupils shrink) GODDAMMIT!
  • Agil's whole character introduction is this. Kibao is calling for the Beta Buster/Kirito to be shunned and the poor boy is seconds away from a nervous breakdown when-
    (air whistling)
    Kibao: That's him, isn't it?! Come out Beta Buster, and face the biggest shunning of your life-
    (gigantic crash and smokes clears, revealing Agil)
    Kibao: Uh... hi-
    Agil: Hello.
    Kibao: Did you just fall from the sky?
    Agil: Sure did.
    Kibao: Huh. That's cool.
    Agil: Yes. Yes it is isn't it. (zoom-in on his face) Pretty neat.
    Kibao: ...soo, you gonna help us shun the Beta Buster-
    Agil: Do you have any idea if safe-zones keep players from feeling pain?
    Kibao: Um, I'm pretty sure they don't. Why do you-
    Agil: (yells as he suddenly wields a chainsaw at Kibao)
    ("One Transition Later")
    Diable: (eyes flick around with shrunken pupils) All right, if, uh, it looks like everyone's calmed down now. (eyes return to normal) Thanks for that... Agil.
    Agil: (offscreen) No problem, boss.
    Diable: Is he gonna be all right?
    Agil: (offscreen) Yeah, he just needs time for the message to sink in.
    (Kibao is sitting down with several slash marks through him and smoke emitting from him, groaning quietly)
• Episode 3
  • The Moonlight Black Cat's introductions: they're greeting an offscreen Kirito and thanking him for finally meeting with them... and then it pans to him tied up and gagged in a chair.
  • Keita reveals they know about his identity as the Beta Buster and about his bug. Kirito repeatadly asks how they know but Keita keeps talking about how they wanted him in their guild, much to his frustration.
    Kirito: (zoom-in on eyes with red veins) WHY WON'T YOU NOTICE ME, SENPAI?!
  • Their introductions to each member: Ducker, who had his nerve gear imported, has a bug that has him only speak in Spanish (it's actually Swedish), Tetsuo's avatar doesn't have eyes so he's deaf, Sasamaru's... is Herpes, and Sachi is apparently, according to Keita, a f*cking idiot.
    Kirito: Are you sure that's Spanish?
    Keita: As sure as I am that we're all speaking fluent Japanese!
    Kirito: Oh okay.
    Ducker: åh, god herre... (Translation: Oh Good Lord...)
  • Kirito joins the Guild after Keita's encouragement and revealing there was an item that could cure his bug and then asks what it is. Keita's reply?
    Keita: The Blue Thing!
    Beat
    Kirito: ...okay, what kind of blue thing?
    Keita: Not a blue thing. THE Blue Thing.
    Kirito: ...is he serious?
    Sasamaru: Yup, he's serious.
    Tetsuo: (No Indoor Voice) I LIKE CEREAL TOO!
    Ducker: Jag kommer att morda er alla (zooms in on him) Igna vitten.(Translation: I am going to murder you all. No witnesses.)
  • After the Guild gets through Floor 20 (after Kirito accidentally explodes it and incinerates the floor), Keita brings up having fun before the fire started: cue Gilligan Cut to Ducker holding him in a headlock.
    Ducker: Ja ... fortsätt kämpa, Keita ... Låt mig höra att du lider ... Låt mig känna ditt liv blekna i ingenting! (maniacal laughter) (Translation: Yes... keep struggling, Keita... Let me hear you suffer...Let me feel your life fade away into nothingness!)
    Keita: (wheezing as he turns blue)
    (Gilligan Cut)
    Kirito: Are you sure about that? Because from my perspective, it looked like Ducker was trying to kill you. (Ducker frowns in the background)
    Keita: Nah, he wouldn't do that! He was probably hallucinating from some of Floor 20's unique consumables. (an affected Sasumaru briefly raises his hand) I had to deal with hallucinations all the time when I had my bug, so I can recognize when-
    Kirito: Wait wait wait wait! That's what your bug did? I thought you said it caused you to hear voices in your head!
    Keita: (chuckles) No, Kirito, it was hallucinations. The voices started after I used The Blue Thing.
    Kirito: (jaw drop as a glass shattering sound affect takes place)
    Tetsuo: (No Indoor Voice) WHAT?
  • Ducker leads the Black Cats sans Keita into a trap and tries to teleport out, only to find his crystal doesn't work.
    Ducker: (pupils shrink) ...avföring. (Translation: Feces.)
  • Crosses over with Black Comedy, but Keita's death is brought by Ducker hiring someone to drive a school bus and run him over. Said bus belonged to the Holy Dragon Alliance, which Klein stole.
  • Combines with Mood Whiplash, but as Kirito is about to face suicide by Nicholas the Renegade, he notices something strange.
    Kirito: Why did the bells stop ringing (looks up at the sky) Why did the snow stop snowing? (pupils shrink) DID TIME STOP TIMING?! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!
    (a part of the sky glitches above him before taking the form of a blue sphere)
    Kirito: (eyes shrink back to normal) No... way. (smiles) I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED YOU KEITA NOM (The Blue Thing enters his mouth) ...why can't I remember what I was trying to kill myself over? (sclera turns blue) Oh, this can't be a good sign. (BLUE ENERGY BEAMS COME FROM HIS EYES)
  • The way that The Blue Thing enters Kirito's mouth is wonderfully abrupt.