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Funny / Soviet Womble

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    Alien: Isolation 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

  • Near the start of the episode, Womble says "I'm completely immune to freaking out." Then something explodes, scaring the crap out of him.
  • Womble opens a door.
    Soviet: Okay, I'm going to shit myself if (the alien) ends up behind me.
    (It's in front of him. Soviet screams.)
  • When encountering and hiding from several armed human enemies, Womble runs into some Artificial Stupidity hiding under a narrow desk, which not only turns out to be a blind spot, but prompts the woman to bug out on it. Womble asks the Twitch chat if he should wait for her to move out or just shoot her in the crotch and be done with it.
    Womble: (laughs) I know what exactly you motherfuckers are gonna pick.
    Chat: "shoot" "shoot" "shoot" "shoot" "shoot" "SHOOT" "shoot her" "shoot" "do it" "thanks Obama"
  • Ripley is in a room with synths that had just activated, and Ricardo is calling.
    Soviet: Not now, not now... Not now, fuck off!
    Ripley: (Whispering) Not now! (Soviet laughs)

Part 4

  • The start of the episode shows his incompetence at throwing things from CS:GO also applies here, where he fails to chuck a flare down a hole. Twice.
  • While most of this episode is him crawling all over the place for fear of the Alien coming at him, there is a bit where he's hiding under a table and as the Alien is walking away, its tail accidentally snagged a canister out of sight from Womble. We get a replay of it as a seagull call claims it.
  • Womble encounters a character who for some reason is on a bench looking out the window in an area where the xenomorph is on the loose.
    Soviet: I know you're upset about your chin — I would be upset too — but seriously, I would recommend you get the FUCK OUT OF HERE! COME ON!
  • "Okay, okay, okay, the alarms mean you're safe, okay? See? (shifts to his map then shifts off to look at a sign) Did that say "Anal lab"?note 

Part 7

  • Womble hiding behind a crate to spot a human enemy nearby... then getting burned by a flame he failed to spot.
  • During a tense spacewalk to contact Verlaine, Womble wonders if anyone onboard the station had email or Twitter to make things a lot easier, prompting this Imagine Spot:
    @Ripley / "SnuggleBum" Ripley: GET ME THE FUCK OFF THIS STATION!!
    @VerlaineTheTorrens / Captain Verlaine: @Ripley What's going on over there?
    @ILoveCuddles / Xenomorph: lol faggot #SWAG #YOLO #CALLOFDUTY

    The Culling Bullshittery 

Part 1

  • As Womble first introduces the game to the stream, Cyanide appears to be doing everything to sabotage his intro by making loud, annoying sounds into the mic during his explanation for at least ten minutes. However, Soviet suddenly notices his mic icon is turned off, and when he turns it back on, Cyanide immediately stops.
    Soviet: Are you done?
    Cyanide: I was just waiting for you to come back.
    Soviet: Wait, that whole time was my mic muted!?
    Cyanide: Yes.
    Soviet: (bursts into laughter) I have been barking orders at you for the last ten minutes for you to shut up and my mic has been muted the whole time!?
    Cyanide: Oh! You said you were gonna go get a sandwich!
    Soviet: I thought you were trolling!
    • There's also the revelation that Cyanide hadn't realized the stream had already started, meaning wasn't trying to annoy the audience either; he legitimately makes random noises to himself when he's alone.
  • Soviet's interpretation of the "Man Tracker", which plays Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca" when active.
    Soviet: Men are over here! This is a Gaydar, isn't it?
  • One of Soviet's kills involves tasing a guy about to throw dynamite at him. The resulting shock results in him being unable to throw it, causing him to blow himself up.
  • Later on, Soviet's shirtless player character gets compared to a "naked cowboy".
    Soviet: It's not a naked cowboy, these are my running pants, and this is my running hat.
    Clan Member: What are you running to, the Blue Oyster Bar?
  • Soviet's stint as "Spear Man!" With an amusing twist ending, as narrated by an exasperated Cyanide:
    Cyanide: Fucking Spearman had to finish someone off with their goddamn fists! You idiot!

Part 2

    Day Z Bullshittery 

Part 5

  • ZF's attempts to loot a fire station using a helicopter to drop them onto the roof ("Fuck being safe, we're ZF, right?").
    • Attempt number one is par for the course with ZF: The designated looter misses the tower he was trying to land on and plummets to his death.
    • Attempt number two is Epic Fail even by ZF standards, with the helicopter touching the tower and crashing, the pilot leaping out and getting chopped up by the rotor blades and the whole building, along with the rest of the ZF team, going up in a fireball.
    Soviet *watching from a nearby rooftop*: YOU HAD ONE JOB!!

Part 7

  • Airborne's passport renewal story.
  • Airborne's 5-year-old daughter greets the ZF Clan and makes them guess her name. Her name is Molly.
    Airborne's daughter: I'm going to spell it for ya: MUH ARR WUH WUH YUH.

Part 8

  • Cyanide's rendition of a Christmas carol, as only an Indian could come up with:
    "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a totally insufficient dowry."
  • "Where are your papers, Mav? Where are they? Oh, you don't have any papers? TO THE CONCENTRATION CAMP WITH YOU!"
  • Airborne: "Can't beat the Holocaust, like, can you, really?"
  • When "Tyranneous was killed" shows up on the feed:
    Tyranneous: Err.. if anyone would like to get involved, that was Zelenogorsk, and they might have just stolen my car. I would've told you who it was if I succeeded in killing them. Unfortunately, it only told you my name. (beat) Which I already knew.
  • A random player asks an admin for the rules on the server: "Is giant, helicopter-shaped bullets, are they allowed?" After several seconds of laughing, the admin replies, "If you can make it, go ahead." "Splendid, see you soon!" Sure enough, we get to see one helicopter-shaped bullet blow up a building roof shortly afterward.
  • Airborne's other daughter Georgia talks to the ZF Clan. Soviet immediately asks her to spell her name for them.
    Georgia: Jerr air arr ruh gerr ay arrr.
    Soviet: Airborne, what the fuck have you been teaching your kids?
    • Followed by:
    Georgia: I kill you. Dad, remind me, I kill you. See ya :)
  • The ZF Clan hold an event wherein players compete to win a helicopter full of gear. They are to race to the top of a building being guarded by five defenders. With Stealth as the only remaining defender, he starts playing music to suit the mood: "Give It Up" by KC and the Sunshine Band.

    The Forest Bullshittery 
  • The pedometer joke, in three parts:
    • First, Cyanide refers to it as a "pedo meter" despite Soviet's corrections.
    • Then in the intro cutscene, the player character is in a plane with a child sleeping next to him. "That's what the Pedo Meter is for!"
    • Finally, when the plane crashes and the player character sees a creepy cannibal carrying the child off, Cyanide pipes in with "Uh... my Pedo Meter is blinking," to which Soviet agrees.
  • The brief moment of frightened confusion when Soviet and Cyanide's characters fade in looking at their bloody hands, but spawning with their models clipped into each other.
  • Soviet, Cyanide and Quebec, after running away from enemy cannibals, hang out in an open hill trying to figure out how to start a fire:
    Soviet: Oh, I did it, I did it.
    Cyanide: How did you do it?
    Soviet: I pressed E on it.
    Cyanide: (beat) Are you retarded?
    Quebec: Oh, there's something walking towards us from behind you guys! I dunno if you —
    Soviet: (turning around to see an enemy) AAAAAGHH!!
  • After crafting a shed, Soviet and Cyanide use the save point in it, which results in the game briefly going black for no apparent reason.
    Cyanide: I just pressed C and my screen just went black.
    Soviet: I think we just had sex, man.
  • The trio's encounter with a cannibal stuck in a loop sprinting on all fours around a tree stump, complete with Soviet playing carnival music.
  • During a downtime where Quebec is off his mic, Cyanide quietly explains to Soviet how Quebec (a 17-year-old) got a girl pregnant at 16, and he was left to take care of the child after she refused to keep it. Later, Quebec comes back, and Soviet asks him for confirmation:
    Soviet: Hey, Quebec, you're a single parent at the age of... what?
    Quebec: I'm a single parent?
    Soviet: Yeah, are you a single parent at the age of whatever you are?
    (lengthy pause)
    Quebec: (puzzled) No!
    Soviet: Oh, fuck you, Cyanide!
    Cyanide: (bursts out laughing) You believe everything, you idiot!
    [...]
    Soviet: He was selling me this fucking story about how you managed to get a chick pregnant at 16 and she abandoned it, and you kept the baby. That's why you were AFK, because you had to take care of the kid?
    Quebec: I was eating a Pukka pie!
    • This is immediately followed by Quebec telling that Echo apparently convinced some friends that the former is Jewish and that they don't serve some things when they invite him to a party.

    GTA V Bullshittery 

Part 1

  • Womble's attempts to create a real-life accurate version of himself in Grand Theft Auto V leads him to making "a hairy Ricky Gervais with lipstick."
  • Cyanide and Womble are in an intense car chase in the streets, with Cyanide trying to get Womble to shoot the other driver. Despite him only having a "pea-shooter" pistol, he takes one shot anyway... and pegs the guy through the window, instantly killing him.
  • "Fuck you, you massive colossal cuntasaurus!"
  • As the gang hangs out in an apartment, Womble decides to take a shower, to which Cyanide and Gambit hang outside the bathroom door like bodyguards, which ends up trapping Womble inside.
    Cyanide: Oh look, what does this remind you of?
    Womble: You've locked me in my fucking bathroom twice! You fucking... move!
    • Soon enough, everyone decides to walk into the bathroom, and see how many people they can fit in the shower. Gambit chimes in with "At least twelve Jews."
    • Later in the same apartment, everyone has a blast simply playing musical chairs using the sofa.
  • One of the clan members asks what a "Gaydar" is, and while he catches on quickly, the rest of the chat chastise him for having to explain it for his age.
    Womble: And with a gaydar, you have a gay countermeasure which is where you throw glitter in the air, like chaff.
  • During a parachuting session, Soviet slightly misses the landing zone, which is then followed by someone else faceplanting onto it.
  • Gladpus' very strange custom mission, with the description "There will be no frogs here, only hookers, lots of hookers," which involves Womble's crew spawning on a beach surrounded by hookers... ho proceed to beat them all up with baseball bats. As Womble tries to make sense of it after they all lose, Gladpus just keeps laughing.
    Womble: This is basically like a Fem Dom simulator, isn't it?

Part 2

  • The unsettling reveal that one of the scantily-clad women in the strip club is actually ZF Tom.
    • Later, Womble exits the strip club to find Cyanide instead obsessing over the fancy sports cars outside.
      Cyanide: LOOK AT IT! THE DOORS OPEN UPWARDS! LOOK AT IT!
  • "Tyranneous, why do you look like Hoggle from Labyrinth?"
  • "Ugh, I'm being shot! Ugh, I'm still being—GO YOU FUCK NUGGET!"
  • The entire sequence of the ZF Clan racing in a particularly dangerous dirt road in the mountains, which results in many cars flying off the cliffs.
    • The first race is relatively standard until Soviet drifts off the mountainside and repeatedly says "I can recover, it's fine!" until he falls into a crevice.
      Cyanide: Soviet, I'm sending you a present!
      (flops a corpse over his car)
      Soviet: Did you just throw Kanye West at me!?
      Cyanide: Woooaahh! (his car falls on top of Soviet's)
    • The second race takes place at night, with the cars driven in taxis.
      Soviet: My cab driver's name is Juan.
      Cyanide: My cab driver's name is Dopinder.
    • The third race involves more taxis, with Soviet asking Cyanide for an Indian name to give to the driver. Cyanide suggests "Rahjaesh" and "Rajesh", to which Soviet parses as "Roger the Indian Driver." Partway in the race, Soviet gets suddenly ejected from the taxi after a hard turn, then immediately gets run over by Moogle.
    • In the fourth race with Soviet and Cyanide sitting in the same car, "Roger" once again falls off the cliff, prompting Cyanide to take the wheel when they land ("I am your Rajesh now!"), where he then roleplays as an immigrant cabbie, complete with an exaggerated Indian accent.
    Soviet: Seamless, Cyanide, it's seamless. And slightly racist.
    • Cyanide soon drives the taxi off the cliff and into the river, claiming its the shortcut half way there. Once they are in the river and can't move any more...
    Cyanide as Rajesh: That would be 72 dollars.
  • Cyanide ends up swimming down a river without knowing what's in front of him. Soviet, knowing there's a waterfall, tells him to keep swimming. Cyanide bitterly punches Womble when he resurfaces.
  • Womble, Cyanide, and Tom's utter bafflement at the in-universe movie, a totally incomprehensible "arthouse" film.

    PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds Bullshittery 

Part 1

  • Cyanide's mnemonic devices for remembering cardinal directions are "Never Eat Sea Weed" as well as "Nobody Enjoys Soviet Womble." Soviet's response is to light a molotov cocktail to throw at him, only for it to explode in his hand instead.
  • During a game, Cyanide asks Siri if she wants to get dinner sometime. Her response is barely audible, but his reaction says it all:
    Cyanide: What does that — what does that— what?
    Soviet: What did she say?
    Cyanide: Nothing.
    Soviet: Did you just get turned down by Siri?
    Cyanide: No.
    Teammate: I think he did. (starts laughing)
    Soviet: You were, were you? You were fucking turned down by a robot!
    • Later on:
      Cyanide: Siri just keyed up for some reason.
      Siri in the background: Aamir! Your language!
      Cyanide: WHAT!? FUCK YOU!
      (entire chat bursts into hysterics)
  • Soviet's story about how during the middle of sex with a past girlfriend, the music they had playing suddenly cut to audio of The Matrix with Morpheus "giving his big 'What is real' speech".
    Soviet: Trying to continue the rhythm to Laurence Fishburne just sort of just talking was quite difficult. [...] Thanks for the boner-killer, you bald bastard!
  • Soviet's amazement after hearing random clinking noises for no apparent reason that it's coming from his revolver stuck in a loop of ejecting/inserting ammo on its own, which he then interprets as a ghost reloading his pistol.
    Soviet: I'm being haunted by all the shots I've missed.
  • This random conversation in the lobby:
    Cyanide: I don't understand sex.
    Soviet: Yeah, no no no.
    Cyanide: I just want someone to touch my pee pee.
    Soviet: Yeah. (exhales) Tell me about it.
    (beat)
    Cyanide: What, about my pee pee?
    Soviet: No, not your pee pee—
    Cyanide: Well, its average girth and length is—
    Soviet: NOOOO NOOO—
  • Soviet's amusement at a bulletproof vest he picks up, which doesn't appear to cover any of his vitals such as his heart and lungs. Cyanide retorts by saying "We call those non-essentials."
  • During a chaotic firefight against two enemies, Soviet finishes off what appears to be an already-downed enemy, and doesn't realize until it's too late that it was Cyanide. Cyanide gets royally pissed and Rage Quits for a moment, and when he returns:
    Soviet: I will start my three-part apology by saying you're a wonderful man—
    Cyanide: NO NO NO sssshhhhhhhhhh. I'm coming to Brighton.
    Soviet: Yeah?
    Cyanide: And I'm going to skin you alive.

Part 2

Part 3

    Rising Storm 2: Vietnam Bullshittery 

Part 1

Part 2

  • Soviet insists that while everyone can join their game, shooting him is against the rules and you should shoot Nevil instead.
    Nevil: WHAT?!
  • The montage of ZF Clan forgetting that they're playing, as Soviet repeatedly points out, Rising Storm 2: VIETNAM. After repeatedly telling his clanmates off for calling the Vietcong Chinese, Korean etc., Soviet nearly calls them Mexicans.
  • Quebec starts letting his cat call the shots. Honestly, this being ZF, it's probably a lateral move.
  • When someone gets killed by a grenade, Soviet's subtitles for it are sent flying, and letters drop from the sky afterwards.
  • Quebec inadvertently broadcasting their battle plan to the enemy team via the public voice channel.
    Quebec: [...] and it's four minutes till the napalm.
    Enemy player: Quebec. Don't use public channel...
    Quebec: Oh sorry. Disregard that.
  • The copious amount of friendly fire within ZF's ranks. Even when they're NOT actively trying to kill each other.
    Digby: CLEAR BACKBLAST [Hits friendly] Oop..!
    Soviet: Oh Jesus Christ...the battle hasn't even started!
  • Neo-Voodoo, in which you put someone's hair on a doll, go to their house, and stab them.
    Quebec: Cutting out the middle-man.
  • Cyanide's answer to "How does a blind man know when he's done wiping [his bottom]?" Heads up, you don't want to be eating while hearing that.
  • Womble marking down Quebec's antics for the Twitch Police.
  • "I'm British! We didn't invade the rest of the world to speak their language!" - Womble
  • Soviet fumbling a name that was clearly intended to be "Promethean UK" into "Prome the Anuk".
  • The entire saga of Digital Vagrant's beer.
    Soviet: So we all do this together. Three, two, one, drink.
    They drink. (Beat)
    Soviet: Can someone kick him, please?
  • Soviet hides in an out of the way corner of the map and immediately starts getting stream-sniped. When he dies the killfeed reports his killer as Quebec.
  • When Digby is the only survivor in the ZF team, Soviet broadcasts his location to the enemy team and follows him around with the death camera so stream-snipers know exactly where he is.

Part 3

    Rust Bullshittery 

Part 1

  • The opening Failure Montage of Soviet hunting animals — most of which are glitching out uncontrollably — set to "The Gonk."
  • "I thought he was kidding when he said he built the Reichstag." (turns to a building with a swastika emblazoned on it)
  • The entire segment where the party discovers a newly-spawned player in their world, who they then capture at gunpoint and escort them to their base, which he gladly complies with while asking if this is a nice server. They then proceed to lock him in the "Fight Club room", and force him to partake in a cage battle to the death against another prisoner they had (actually Rotary) with rocks. Rotary is victorious, and everyone else shoots him down as well.
  • "I love Bufkin, I want to keep him. I want to take him home. He got burnt by a fire the other day so he turned around and emptied an entire mag into it."
  • Soviet gets invited to see collage of community-drawn paint signs, which includes pictures of He-Man, an illustration of an actual Womble, the Confederate Flag, and a swastika drawn by Tom. It also prompts this conversation:
    Gladpus: The rose and the drowning man are two random people who came by and we invited to draw. They didn't know who you were, but they were like "Oh yeah, okay, we'll draw."
    Soviet: What do you mean?
    Gladpus: Uh, this rose and the picture of the drowning man.
    Soviet: No, I mean what do you mean they don't know who I am?
    Bevrel: You're not that famous, Womble. (entire chat bursts out laughing)
  • Edberg: (strums a guitar) ♫ Womble is a faggot... ♫ (Soviet instantly headshots him)
  • Later on, Soviet discovers another new player called Supernova outside their base at night.
    Supernova: Hello, can you talk? Answer me!
    Soviet: I'm so sorry, I can't answer you over the sound of the gunfire! (pulls out a gun and kills him)
  • Soviet's interpretation of "A typical game of Rust": He finds two new players named King Swagnar and Frost, then teaches them how to get resources and even takes them to the ZF Clan's base to get them properly equipped and armed. The next day, Soviet decides to leave them off and wishing them good luck, and as he lets them know where to find him again, King casually kills him with the shotgun he gave them.
  • The entire ending where several members of the ZF Clan take Soviet to a small area outside their base... to a sign that reads "streamer", where he's then repeatedly shot to death.
    Soviet: Did they just fucking Jon Snow me!?

Part 2

    Space Engineers Bullshittery 

Part 1

  • Soviet introduces Cyanide to the game, and in particular a very large, crucifix-shaped hole that naturally spawned in an asteroid.
    Cyanide: OH, WHAT THE FUCK!? JESUS! IT'S JESUS! HE'S AMONG US! *Religious noises*
    • "Don't dance in the Jesus sign, what are you doing!?"
    • Shortly after:
      Kaffe: Build inside the cross, "Jesus Space Station".
      Soviet: Isn't that blasphemy?
      Cyanide: Yeah, because you're using science to build it, that's nonsense. Everyone knows science doesn't exist.
  • While Soviet constructs a spaceship, Cyanide repeatedly nudges him out of position, leading to Soviet repeatedly threaten him if he continues doing it again. Cyanide then denies he was ever doing anything... then tries nudging him anyway, zipping away on his jetpack as Soviet pulls out a drill, then slamming into a satellite, killing him.
    • Later on, Cyanide repeatedly annoys Soviet by trying to do a "Spider-Man kiss".
      • "YOU ARE NOW 'THE GAY™'".
  • Gambit somehow manages to mangle the adage "smooth as a baby's bottom" as "smooth as a baby's arsehole."
    Soviet: What!?
    Gambit: Sorry, I mean "arse."
    Soviet: Dude!
  • Cyanide's absolutely epic reaction upon realizing he just painted his ship two different shades of yellow.
  • Cyanide's first ship has three grinders flimsily attached to it, and after clearly having a hard time taking off and flying, we get to witness it from a distance spinning wildly out of control as Cyanide panics, eventually resulting in the grinders breaking off and floating into space.
  • The entire clusterfuck of an ending where they try and use Cyanide's rather tiny ship and a magnetic lock to carry some metal cargo around, and the resulting chaos that happens when he tries to find a way to get around it not having enough thrust.
    • Said scene also makes Womble blurt out a... highly unusual remark:
    Womble: Can you extend the penis further?

Part 2

Part 3

  • As Womble logs into the game and asks about his ship, Cyanide drops a suspicious comment about him "watching over it." Womble immediately suspects that he did something like build a 100-foot tall penis over it, only to instead find a giant holographic projection of Cyanide's face looming over the entire base.
    Womble: So I was right, you were making a 100-foot tall penis!
  • "What the-? WHY AM I IN SPACE?! I'M IN SPACE!"
    Soviet: Because we're Space Engineers, ya dingus.
  • Womble's mining ship has an interesting shape that one comment remarks should be called "The Drilldo". When another Twitch viewer asks him "Why is everything you build phallic in nature?", Womble denies this, then cut to a montage of several past streams over many games of him doing just that.
    • Later, he figures he could add additional appendages to make it look like a human shape, rechristening it "The Drillbro", complete with "laser nipples" (specifically, small laser projectors spelling out "nipple" in text).
    • Even later, he finds that the Drillbro had an additional large hydrogen tank strapped to its "crotch".
      Womble: What is that, a "chode" they call it in America?
      (ZF Tom enters Teamspeak)
      Womble: Ahh, speaking of which...
    • He soon decides to equip an ejector on the other side to dispense huge rocks, and even uses it to crush Edberg while he's working in a tunnel below. While tunnelling underground, Womble accidentally runs into Chinny as he's also digging through, and as the two try to get the other out of their tunnels, Womble asserts dominance by crapping rocks onto him.
      Chinny: You are a child with your fucking design!
  • "ERGH, I'm gonna bring her in to land! Nice, controlled descent! CONTROLLED DESCENT! (offscreen explosion) Perfect!"
  • During Edberg's very first session of the game:
    • As they're starting him off on the basics and need to search for iron, Edberg decides to drill down into the surface of the moon they're on. Womble decides to board up the hole he's in with reinforced metal, only for Edberg to escape and gun him down.
    • As Edberg gets exasperated from Womble's explanations, he begins slowly spinning his character in place in a cartwheeling motion.
      Edberg: "Basic Refinery": 10 computers, 10 motors, construction comps, steel plates... a hundred-and-twenty steel plates!? Augh — (begins angrily spinning)
      Womble: You can't just angrily spin when you encounter any problem!note 
  • Kaffe's lander crashes hard onto the surface, presumably knocking out its engines and requiring repairs. Once Womble gets it back online however, it reveals that its engine was still left on and begins lifting off, and the two become unable to catch it as it drifts its way into space.
    Womble: Kaffe's dropship has gone off to fucking Narnia!
  • Once Edberg gets his first ship up and running, he begins cursing out Clang (the memetic "god" of Space Engineers' physics engine, known for causing things to go haywire at random), effectively daring him to enact his in-game wrath. Cut to a brief Failure Montage of Edberg exploding several times.
  • Cyanide is trying to come in to their base, only to be shot at by the base's autocannons. Soviet turns them off long enough for Cy to reach safety and try another angle, only to turn them on again when Cy's not looking.
    • Then Cyanide gets stuck in a crater and has a hard time getting out. Alsadair offers to make a ramp with his mining ship, but Soviet and Cyanide decline, Soviet likening it to baby turtles.
    Soviet: You're not supposed to help baby turtles get into the ocean. They must learn to do it themselves.
    Edberg: What happens if the baby turtle is missing a chromosome?
    Cyanide: For the what?
    Cyanide: I WORKED SO HARD! SO HA-A-ARD. *begins to cry* Dude!
    Soviet: I not only lied about the turrets but I gave them more ammo.
    Cyanide: *wailing* I hate you so much...
    Soviet: Oh dear... JOB DONE.
    • The last part of them is Soviet holding up a thumbs up to the camera.

Part 4

  • Remember Cy's holographic head? Turns out the others planned for Soviet's exact reaction and took precautions, protecting the projector and ensuring that it will run for centuries.
    • The thumbnail for the episode is a shot of Cyanide's gigantic holographic head peeking over the horizon of the moon.
    • When Soviet asks Cyanide what the context of the picture was, he replies that he was getting a burger, prompting Soviet to call it his "food lust face."
  • Someone has gone and painted the entire base pink, just to upset Soviet. Even the blocks he hasn't finished yet are painted pink.
  • Chinny calls Soviet over, telling him that he mastered the rotor, leading Soviet to notice what can only be described as a giant rotisserie, Soviet lampshades this.
    Soviet: Is this how you've been spending your time? We're building like various ships and airlocks and complicated mechanisms and you've built a rotisserie?
    Chinny: I'm a rotisserie Chinny.
    • Shortly after, Soviet proceeds to shoot it until it blows up, much to Chinny's annoyance.
  • Social has a button specifically made for when Soviet and Cyanide are bickering.
  • "Guys, who carved a penis in the side of the moon?"
  • At one point the conversation drifts into posh things everyone has eaten, somehow revealing what sort of pet owner Soviet is.
    Soviet: I had lobster once. It was weird, I dunno.
    Alisdair: I heard that it gave you nightmares...
    Soviet: It gave Lulu nightmares.
    Alisdair: You fed lobster to...!?
    Soviet: No, I chased her 'round the flat with a lobster. Because I'm that kind of an owner.
  • Soviet misplaced the Racist Bell from the Rising Storm: Vietnam video, so instead he reveals the replacement: the Racist Yankee IKEA Fragrance Candle.
  • Alasdair making a rotating signboard that says "SOVIET WOMBLE - WHEN IS - THE NEXT - BULLSHITTERY" and Soviet's response, which is to blast it off of Alasdair's ship and cart it off into deep space.
  • Social trying to park his far-too-large ship in the base's hanger, which is made even more hilarious because of it's phallic shape. When he flies it in so hard he breaks some of the equipment inside the hangar, the subtitles pop up with "base needs chocolates and a cushion." Then Social tries to park it in the even smaller backup hanger next to it, which is labeled the base's "backdoor."
    Soviet: Don't just ram it in, you Neanderthal! A gentleman always indicates before he changes lanes!
    • Midway through this, Alasdair returns with the signboard from before, only now it's a hologram so Soviet can't destroy the signboard. So instead Soviet rams Alasdair's ship to destroy it.
    • Soviet's Drillbro ship is hit by Social's ship, so Soviet goes to rescue it. But Drillbro takes damage on the way out, and when Soviet zooms out to see the exterior of the ship. It turns out that the lower half of the ship is gone, which prompts him to rename it "Disabledbro."

    SWAT 4 Bullshittery 

Part 1

  • The entire party spends an entire bit at the beginning of a mission teabagging a wounded civilian outside the building... until Cyanide realizes there are civilians past the blockade calmly staring at them.
    Soviet: Hello! Hi there, civilians! Protect and serve, protect and serve.
  • Soviet's run-in with two pairs of enemy ragdolls who pile up rather suggestively.
  • World Politics represented with a SWAT team: Womble (Britain) tells everyone to stop tasing each other, only for him, Cyanide (India) and Gambit (Germany) to all get tased before even entering the building by Phoenix (America), proclaiming "YOU'RE ALL MY BITCHES! ALL OF YOU!"
  • The entire scene of Soviet and Phoenix repeatedly failing to enter in a door at the same time.
  • Gambit plays a mission by gunning down every criminal in sight without even declaring himself as Police. After several seconds of this, Cyanide calls for a re-do. While they restart the mission, the clan laughs about it:
    Cyanide: That's so German! "Zey did not comply, so I shot zem!"
  • The ending where upon discovering in-game graffiti reading "Deb is a whore", Soviet slaps down the game's manual to find a "Deb" in the credits, then sends an email to "deb@irrationalgames.conm"... only to find that Irrational Games shut down.

Part 2

    Viscera Cleanup Detail Bullshittery 
  • ZF Tom's manic obsession with the bucket spawner, leading him to filling up an entire hallway with buckets as the rest of the clan's back is turned.
    Tom: (offscreen) More buckets!
    Soviet: Wait, woah woah woah, did we leave Tom alone with the bucket machine? (finds him) Oh, for fuck's sake, Tom! Stop spawning buckets!
    Tom: MORE BUCKETS! THERE'S NEVER ENOUGH BUCKETS!
    • Eventually, the server actually crashes, which Tom believes was because he spawned too many buckets.
    • Later in a low-gravity area, Tom gets caught fiddling with the biohazard container spawner.
    • Not much later, Zeis develops a similar obsession with washing other players, all while shouting "UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! DIRTY FUCKING FILTHY PEASANTS! UNCLEAN!"
  • The group eventually decides to go irreverent and begins mopping blood all over the rooms they're supposed to be cleaning. Once again, the server crashes.
    • After Edberg proudly shows Womble his "art", Womble comments "If you're not on a no-fly list somewhere in the world, someone is not doing their job."
  • While cleaning in a space-ship, Soviet decides to open up the airlock to toss some trash out, but the resulting low-gravity screws up Cake's delicately stacked-up crates on the other side of the room, causing her to have a minor meltdown as he apologizes and fails to fix it.
  • In Soviet and Cyanide's session, Cyanide briefly goes AFK, leaving Soviet to talk to himself.
    Soviet: Yeah, Cyanide's talking to his girlfriend, I reckon. I also talk to Cyanide's girlfriend! And by talk, I mean send penis pictures, and I get penis pictures ba—
    Cyanide: (from a distance) No you fucking don't!
  • Soviet's annoyance with Polka 2180 from the Big Banger leads to Cyanide capturing and protecting it just to torment him. Soviet later finds it and attempts to jam it in the incinerator, but Cyanide manages to get it back and leaves it running from a high, hard-to-reach spot.
  • In a later session, the clan are told how a friend named JFJ, who was previously thought to be a legless guy in a wheelchair, actually does have legs and has been trolling them by showing fake pictures and videos of his stumps. When he's brought in and reluctantly confirms he does have legs, they also bring in Cramps, the chat's admin, who proceeds to tag him into the clan as "[ZF] JFJ". Then immediately bans him for three hours.

    We Were Here Bullshittery 
  • In the game's lobby room, with Soviet and Cyanide picking their roles:
    Cyanide: I get to be the Explorer because I'm the man with the big jaw and the lovely, sexy body and I'm the one that's adventurous and Indiana Jon—
    Soviet: You're also the one on the floor, and I'm the one picking you up, presumably, 'cause you're rubbish.
    Cyanide: Maybe.
  • As the two start the game, the two try and figure out where they are via the walkie-talkies:
    Cyanide: I think you've got to help me using whatever resources you have in your library—I presume you're in a library, are you in a library?
    (cut to Soviet's camera who is indeed in a library)
    Soviet: Uh... I'm a casino, it's like full of hookers and slot machines, it's awesome, in fact! It's much better than your room, waaayy better.
    • As they're communicating on the first hieroglyphic puzzle, both of them realize something with the walkie-talkies:
      Soviet: So the backwards "Z" according to the chart...
      (zzt)
      Cyanide: —roglyph.
      Soviet: Oh shit, I think we're talking over each other.
      Cyanide: Oh good! I can just cut you o—
      (zzt)
      Soviet: Like that, see? I can just cut you off, it's brilliant.
      Cyanide: I can hear you— (zzt) Oi! (zzt) You have got—(zzt)—massively inadequate—(zzt)—enis.
    • Much to Soviet's behest, Cyanide doesn't respond to him through the walkie talkie unless he ends with "over." Unfortunately, this leads to a bit of confusion once they solve the puzzle.
      Soviet: Okay, now what? Err— over.
      Cyanide: (zzt)—over.
      Soviet: Over.
      Cyanide: What? Over?
      Soviet: Over.
      Cyanide: You're just saying "Over"?
      Soviet: I thought you were being sarcastic, do you have a message or not?
      Cyanide: No, you dickhead, I said it's done! I got through the fucking door!
      Soviet: Ah, I didn't hear that bit, over.
  • "I've been led into a room where two nipples hanging down from the ceiling, err... a staircase leading down into water... THAT IS SLOWLY RISING, OH SHIT, OI!"
    • Following the valve puzzle, Soviet decides to troll Cyanide by suddenly leaving to go to the bathroom for five minutes. Unfortunately, Cyanide fires back when he returns by leaving his walkie talkie with hold music.
      Cyanide: I'm sorry, we are experiencing higher traffic than usual. Please visit www.twitch.tv/cyanideplaysgames.
      Soviet: Really!? Really? He's promoting himself over the hold music!? I hate this man. I actually hate this man, and I can't do anything about it because he's jamming the damn radio!
      (time passes)
      Cyanide: Thank you for your patience. You will now be connected with our customer service representative, Jeffery. (with a louder Indian accent) HELLO, THIS IS JEFFERY, HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
      Soviet: You are a massive, massive, idiot.
  • The next puzzle has Cyanide with a giant chessboard out in the cold, and is slowly freezing. Soviet takes the time to mess with a film project to watch Harry Potter movies.
    Cyanide: Freezing to death even more!
    Soviet: Okay, stand by, I'm just watching a film.
    Cyanide: Mate, this is not the time to be watching Harry Potter!
    Soviet: I really like Harry Potter! (turns on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)
    Cyanide: Soviet!
    Soviet: (watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)
    Cyanide: (freezes even more) AAAARGHHH!
    • The two fail their first attempt due to miscommunication on the steps.
      Cyanide: I'm going to slit your throat and shit down your fucking gullet.
      Soviet: Okay, truth be told, I think that was your fault, really.
    • Cyanide gets much more impatient during the puzzle:
      Soviet: The right side, erm... er... "horse"... erm, fuck, hang on, I gotta play the tape again.
      (Cyanide's screen continues freezing)
      Cyanide: Oh, I am actually going to die now.
      Soviet: Go to the black side!
      Cyanide: Yes, I've been standing there for the last 2 minutes, next!?
      Soviet: Can you stop yelling at me? I'm losing my— okay, okay, you ready?
      Cyanide: STOP ASKING ME IF I'M READY AND JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS!
      Soviet: Right! The—the pawn that's in front of the black horse on the right, move it one pace forward.
      Cyanide: (moves it) Next...
      Soviet: Right, the black horse that's behind the pawn you just moved, move it to the... the left— the square to the left of that pawn.
      Cyanide: I CAN'T MOVE TWO BLACK MOVES IN ONE!
      Soviet: Yes you can! You—cuh—wha—it just did! The film just did that!
      Cyanide: THAT'S NOT HOW CHESS WORKS!
    • After they finally solve the puzzle...
      Soviet: (laughs) Iiii did it, I'm amazing, I am the best at chess.
      Cyanide: Please stop talking before I attempt to kill you through this walkie talkie.
  • During the first tile puzzle, Cyanide signals for Soviet to find a book with markings on them, which he describes as "the Nyan Cat thing with the happy hands," "penis", "what can only be described as a failed swastika, a dude with his hands up in the air who looks like a DJ, and what looks like a robot standing on a boat."
    • When Soviet finds the directions on what appears to be the corresponding book, he feels the need to read the entire passage in a whimsical voice.
      Soviet: I gotta do the whole thing, man! If I just read out the individual lines of the poem, the magic is lost.
      Cyanide: I might die for your artistic lib—(zzt)
      Soviet: Starting from the far east, after moving towards the north...
    • When they discover they've got the wrong book, Soviet finds another with nearly identical symbols, prompting him to ask Cyanide to be more specific.
      Soviet: How thick is the— (sigh) How thick is the penis?

      "How thick is the penis?"
      - SovietWomble, 2017
    • Once they've confirmed they got the right book, which reads "Starting in the far west corner, one moves north thrice":
      Soviet: Okay, starting right in the middle, take two steps forward.
      Cyanide: (KACHUNK) Dead.
      Soviet: (laughs) Yeah, I know, I'm just fucking with you.
      Cyanide: Oh, go fuck yourself!

      Soviet: Starting in the far west corner, one moves north thrice.
      Cyanide: Now what?
      Soviet: Take one step south...
      Cyanide: Okay.
      Soviet: ...but not before taking two steps east—OH!
      Cyanide: (KACHUNK) OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
    • Once Cyanide makes it through, he has to direct Soviet to go through the same room. He takes the opportunity for some revenge.
      Cyanide: Okay, I'm gonna put on a mystical voice, because this looks like a mystical text, alright? (turns on reverb) In the western corner, lies your strat... strat? START! FUCK!
  • In the final puzzle, Cyanide is on the stage of a theatre, with Soviet operating the cutout displays of characters and locations. Before they start the play, they get accustomed to what lever pulls out what.
    Cyanide: Don't bring it back out, numpty, put it back in!
    Soviet: Heheheh... heh—sorry.
  • In the game's ending, you're forced to pull a Sadistic Choice where Someone Has to Die as only one of the two players can escape the castle. Cyanide simply has Soviet stand on the pressure plate and breaks for it before he can even realize there was a Sadistic Choice involved.

    Holdfast: Nations at War Bullshittery 

First Video

  • "Holdfast: Nations at War shows the brutal reality of 19th century musket warfare..." is hilarious in the sheer amount of things going on. For extra humor points, bear in mind that as many viewers can attest, this insanity is the norm among the game's community rather than the exception.
    • Several soldiers speaking in obnoxious Brooklyn accents throughout the video:
      Soldier 1: Hey, medic, I got shot in the ass, get over here!
      Soldier 2: Hey! Joey Patooie, how you doin'?
      Soldier 1: How you doin'?
      Soldier 2: How you doin'? I'm walkin' here!
      Soldier 1: I'M WALKIN' HERE!
      • At one point, Womble expresses doubt that these are British soldiers.
      Womble: Where the hell are you from?
      "British" Soldier: South Yorkshire!
    • As they are in line, some of the men burst into German and talk about german sausage.
    • A random officer jumping up and down, laughing all the time.
    • Someone randomly smelling men in a line until Platoon Leader Dinklebean tells them to stop. It's implied it's a girl doing the smelling.
      Dinklebean: (as soldiers shout "I'M WALKIN HERE!" during a charge) Why are there so many gentlemen from the colonies?
    • A player named KRRC calling out a "crazy bastard" on trying some kind of cult sacrifice before getting hit by an artillery shell.
    • "Someone's vaping. Who's vaping?"
    • Reeeeeeeee! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- *DENIED*
      Soldier Who Sounds Like Joe Pesci: WHAT 'DA HELL IS WRONG WIT'CHU?!
    • A group of soldiers dancing to a trumpet version of Justin Timberlake's "Can't Stop the Feeling" as someone runs by having a "Nepgasm."
    • Womble breaking down and yelling "My immersion!"
    • "My nipples are hard." "What?"
    • Happy Hitler selling drugs on the battlefield.
      Womble: Remember, kids: Don't buy drugs off Hitler.
    • "I got a musket you can blow."
    • Womble summing it all up with "This is a tad silly."

Part 1

  • From the actual Bullshittery video:
    • The intro, where Soviet is narrating the status of his side's artillery emplacements.
    Soviet: Right; how many cannons do we have? We have two and a mortar piece.
    (cannon is hit by an enemy shell)
    Soviet: (brief pause) We have one and a mortar piece.
    (mortar shell lands on top of the other cannon.)
    Soviet: .... we have a mortar piece.
    • Soviet is confused over why he can't aim down the sights - he is aiming down them, but to reflect how horribly inaccurate muskets were, it doesn't do much to help.
    • Soviet and another British officer while fighting the French:
    Colonel Haybales: Get your arse behind this barricade, and unleash that gunpowder into Napoleon's peasants!
    Soviet: Sarge! I don't want to die here, Sarge! I don't want to die here!
    Colonel Haybales: We are not going to die here, sir! We are British! We do not die!
    Soviet: (dies in British)
    Colonel Haybales: Oh, shit.
    • "Dinkle, I love you." "I love you, too, Mussolini. Never thought I'd say that."
    • Apparently, the "I'M WALKIN' HERE!" lines from his previous video turned it into a full on meme in the Holdfast community, with an entire army rushing into battle yelling "I'M CHARGIN' HERE!" in New York accents.
    • On a more meta level, KJ, who does most of the Boston/New York accents, is the same guy who did the pixie-sneezes in the Antistasi ARMA series.
    • KJ's attempt to survive as the last British soldier alive involves him shouting a mix of pleas to leave him alone, an offer to betray his own faction and threats of bodily harm to the opposing side, culminating in a final stand where he killed three enemies in a row before dying.
      KJ/KKRC: If you come anywhere closer I'm gonna take out this pistol and shove it up your asshole okay? I promise, don't make me do it.
      KJ/KRRC: Come on let's have a swordfight come on! (immediately pulls a gun and shoots one of the enemies)
    • The sheer Pythonesque quality of the following exchange:
      Soldier: I hit one, Sir! Sir, I hit one!
      Officer: Well done! Where did you aim, Sir?
      Soldier: At the enemy, Sir!
    • Dinklebean's extended speech as he leads the British to battle:
    Dinklebean: Right, gentlemen! We are the bravest and most superior men on this battlefield! Listen to my sweet, posh, upper-class accent, and you can trust me when I say that have this position merely because my father was rich, and I possess no real military qualities. Please entrust me with your survival!
    Soviet: Well, I'm sold.
    Dinklebean: Right here were are, look at the French. You can smell them from here! Take in the air! (SNIFF) I smell piss! That might be me though.
    (they line up to fight)
    Dinklebean: Come on boys, do me proud! Cut them down! Be a proud Britishman, kill- (the man next to him gets shot in the head) -oh dear.
    (the remains of the British reform elsewhere after Dinklebean gets them mostly killed)
    Dinklebean: This is the last stand gentlemen! All we stand for! The British Empire and all of her colonies. King George, his brilliant majesty - who we can all agree is quite barmy. TAKE AIM! FIRE!
    • Fridge Brilliance here: Military commissions were indeed purchased by rich men in the British army, but one had to prove that one was capable of leading the commission in question. You were only qualified to buy it if you had military experience. Dinklebean revealed his inexperience as a joke, but the in-universe backstory here could say that his father bought the commission because HE was gonna lead the men into battle. Dinklebean simply got the wrong idea and basically stole the commission from his father.
    • One of Womble's teammates recognizes him.
    British Soldier: Is that the Soviet Womble?
    Soviet: Oh, God.
    British Soldier: Fix your upload schedule!
    Soviet: (bursts out laughing)
    • Digby is made an officer and tries to take command over a firing line. The actual commander responds with "authoritative spitting." Multiple times.
    • Dinkle's over the top reaction every time Digby dies.
      Dinklebean: GET ME A SURGEON WHO CAN FIX DEATH!
      • The second time it happened:
      Dinklebean: DIGBY HAS BEEN HIT! Digby, I'm sorry I promised your wife that—(shooting his gun at the enemy) YOU BASTARDS!—I would get you home safely. I'll take good care of her.
      (Dinkle turns towards another player, a supposed surgeon)
      Dinklebean: Surgeon, is there nothing you can do for this officer?
      "Surgeon": I can try. (the "surgeon" crouches beside Digby's body and turns around, farting on it)
      Dinklebean: What are you do—you're not qualified are you?
    • During one match, the British are highly disciplined with good lines and ordered shooting drills. Their French opponents, on the other hand....
    French Officer: Gather around and take a knee. take a knee everyone! You have the biggest penises in France! Napoleon loves you! You're going to come with me, we're going to kill those pig-dogs, we're going to take their women, and we're going to satisfy them! Press the B button! Note  Allons-y!
    French Soldiers: VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE! VIVE LA FRANCE!

Part 2

  • Dinklebean is still the same Stiff Upper Lip officer as ever.
    Dinklebean: Morning, gents! How are we all?
    Soviet: Good morning, sir!
    Unknown Soldier: D'day mate, yeah I'm feeling fucking fine.
    Dinklebean: Oh, there's an Aussie. Oooh, and what's your sentence, sir?
  • Soviet manages to shoot and kill a player called "Coronavirus". Note that they're roleplayers in the 19th century.
    Soviet: Sir, I've killed Coronavirus.
    Dinklebean: Aah, excellent! What the hell's that?
    Soviet: I don't know, sir.
  • "SOMEONE SHOOT THAT BASTARD WHO THINKS HE'S A DRAGONBORN, GET HIM!"
  • Soviet becomes a spectator of a match, where Digby is in command, and he finds that the French have managed to set up perfect kill squadrons to annihilate Digby's troops. What follows is a classic case of Hollywood Tactics because Digby gives the order to "CHAAAAARGE!"
  • A new patch to the game added artillery and cannon to the game. Soviet's officer says it's nothing to worry about, "it's merely for show." What comes next is an apt demonstration montage of just why artillery at this time period was considered "the King of the Battlefield," compared to the Infantry's "Queen."
  • While being chased by enemies playing Crab Rave over their mics: "Oh God! Help, I'm being chased by memes! Memes are chasing me!"

    Team Fortress 2 Bullshittery 
  • Soviet sees the enemy team and makes fun of how goofy they look. Then he takes a look at his own team...
  • Let's just get this out of the way and leave it here: Quebec is a veteran player of Team Fortress 2, and he's a Spy player with the Dead Ringer watch. As a result, about half the video consists of various clan members, especially Soviet, screaming in rage at Quebec after he's killed them, then attempting (and failing) to kill him in return.
    • At one point, one of the clan members named Gary, playing a Heavy, apparently spots Quebec coming toward him while he's stuck in place eating a Sandvich. Cue him panicking and screaming right before Quebec knifes him.
    • Here is a collection of some of the stuff the ZF Clan had to say about Quebec stabbing them:
      Soviet: Quebec, fuck you, sir.
      Gary: Oh, it wasn't an Edberg, it was a Quebec!
      SwatKnight: Oh, FUCK OFF, QUEBEC!
      Edberg: Quebec, I will find you, and I will kill you.
      Soviet: Half the time I'm stuck on Quebec.
      DigitalVagrant: Damnit, damnit, Quebec butterknifed me again!
      Digby: Piss off you Spy bastard, I know that's you Q!
      Harry: Nooo, Quebec, we're gonna have an issue!
      Digby: (While dominated by Quebec) Fuck's sake! This is getting really frustrating! What the fuck is the Pyro doing!?
      Digi: I fucking see you, you Spy piece of trash! Where'd you go?
      Quebec: No, we're all friends here, Digi.
      Soviet: (Having been backstabbed the most) Are we? ARE WE?
  • Soviet started playing around with Source Filmmaker for this video, creating a few animations for different scenes.
    • Soviet leads a swift, successful attack to capture the intelligence. Except it's his own team's intelligence. Cut to the Administrator listening to this and glaring at Miss Pauling.
    • Soviet, as a Medic, becoming so paranoid about Quebec that he's looking behind himself while brushing his teeth. Then the camera zooms out to show Quebec, as a Spy, is the one holding his toothbrush.
  • Quebec is absent for the other half of the video, and when he comes back:
    Soviet: Where were you last week?
    Quebec: I just wanted to take a break from Team Fortress 2.
    Soviet: Could you take another one?
  • To wrap up the video we get multiple instances of Soviet as Medic getting an Ubercharge (or at the very least, attempting to) only to be shut down every time, either by the enemy team (usually Quebec), him prematurely activating it, or getting separated from whoever he was Ubering, the final instance of it consists of him keeping his back against the wall once his Uber is ready, leading to a SFM animation where he is just moments away from activating it only for time to stop as Quebec lowers his Demoman disguise before backstabbing Soviet, much to the latter's anger
    Quebec!Spy: Peekaboo!

    Other Random Bullshitteries and videos 

Random Dead by Daylight Bullshittery

  • The sheer amount of terrified screaming and whimpering (mostly from Cyanide) made by ZF during the course of the game.
    "It's like listening to fucking gibbons."
    • Soviet describing the premise of the game (survivors desperately hiding from serial killers looking to sacrifice them to a dark god) as being "Britain 48 hours after Brexit."
  • The antics on their TeamSpeak in general, particularly because they're able to set the audio filters or they do something obnoxiously loud.
    Soviet: Hehehe... Have you put the mic up your nose?"
    Random: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? JESUS...

Random Portal 2 Bullshittery

Random Fishing Planet Bullshittery

Random Golf It Bullshittery

Random Far Cry 3 Bullshittery

  • invoked After finding out the main character had a working phone the entire time...
    In a more sensible universe...
    Soviet!Jason: (on the phone) Hello, US Embassy in Papua New Guinea, I'm part of a group of seven US Citizens on Rook Island, six of whom are being held hostage by a group of slavers, pirates and drugs traffickers.
    (Beat)
    Soviet!Jason: Also, none of the pirates are white.
    (Cut to footage of a US Navy Carrier Group and US Marines landing on an island as "America, F**k Yeah" plays, followed by the Marines shooting the pirates, shooting Vaas repeatedly, and rescuing the hostages)
    Soviet!Liza: Ah, we're saved. Thank you, Jason, for calling people specifically qualified for this exact situation, instead of spending three days getting high in the jungle, before fighting the pirates single-handedly like some sort of irresponsible fratboy ARSEHOLE.
    Soviet!Jason: Ah, you're very welcome Liza. You see, unlike the pirates who captured a group of US Citizens well within the reach of the US Navy, I do not have shit for brains.
    Soviet!Liza: OH, take me!
    (Meanwhile in normal Far Cry)
    Soviet: And here I am, attacking the pirates single-handedly, like some irresponsible, fratboy arsehole.
  • Later on:
    Jason: What did she mean? Bring her "what has been lost"?
    Dennis: Drink and you will find an answer.
    Soviet: Yeah, I don't really feel safe passing out near Dennis.
    Dennis: You are speaking out of fear.
    Soviet: Yeah, fear you're going to brand me again!
    Soviet: (As Jason drinks the potion) Everyone on this island is fucking nuts.
  • One dream sequence later...
    Soviet: (As Jason wakes up in front of Dennis and notices he has a new tattoo) Oh, FUCKING HELL, DENNIS!
  • Earlier, Womble was being attacked by a pirate in a car, so he immediately shot the pirate in the head through the window... Only to witness what appears to be the bullet ricocheting wildly in the car, repeatedly striking the pirate's corpse, and shaking the whole vehicle wildly until it finally crashes through the window.note 
    Soviet: ...The fuck is this gun!?

I Monstrum Stream

Random Mount & Blade: Warband Bullshittery

  • Womble's solo adventure into the game is full of laughs as he attempts to figure out how the game even works:
    • During character creation, Womble chooses several somewhat unfortunate origins:
      Text: As a boy growing out of childhood, [you were] sent to live in the court of one of the nobles of the land.
      Womble: Did he molest me?
      Text: There, [your] first lessons were in humility...
      Womble: Yeah, he molested me.
      Text: As you waited upon the lords and ladies of the household...
      Womble: Jesus, how much was I moleste—
    • His character background aspires to become "the one whom others hurry to obey" and tremble when his name is spoken. Womble punches his name as "Lump Beefbroth".
  • His first skirmish with his band of hired soldiers and bandits goes successfully, even if Womble has no idea what to actually do other than stab one enemy on horseback and shoot an already-dead corpse. During the post-battle report:
    Womble: (reads "1 Peasant Woman (1 killed) Sorry, a pregnant woma— oh, sorry, a peasant woman! Sorry, I thought "Why was there a pregnant woman in the middle of a fight?", sorry, a peasant woman. (beat) Why was there a peasant woman in the middle of a fight?
  • Womble enlists in a jousting tournament and chaos instantly ensues, not helped by the tremendous Artificial Stupidity, with enemies huddled up in a corner or left chasing Womble in a circle for three minutes straight.
  • Womble's attempt at training with soldiers for experiences ends miserably, ending as a pure No-Holds-Barred Beatdown from multiple enemies wailing on him from every angle.
    • Later, he's hired to train a village of peasants, and it results in him getting wailed on by nondescript bearded peasant. The game registers this as him getting down the basics of soldiering, bringing more for additional training, and it's the same guy.
      Womble: You don't need any training at all! You just signed up as an excuse to hit m—(dies) Oh, fuck me!
  • After being informed by his Twitch chat that you can get married in the game, Womble scrolls through the list of women... then changes his mind after realizing what they all look like.
  • Womble ends up being summoned for an army, and their first siege of an enemy castle goes awkwardly, featuring additional clunky AI, screaming men (everyone captioned with rumbling "AAGHH" captions), and Womble ending up hiding trapped in a section of the ramparts without health or weapons... and then his army abruptly wins.
    Womble: (seeing soldiers bouncing in the overworld castle) Oh, they're so excited they're bouncing up and down having an orgy.
    Report: After consulting with the peers of the realm, King Harlaus has decided to confer Knudarr Castle on King Harlaus.
    Womble: (laughs) "Friends, countrymen, I have decided that this castle shall be awarded to myself, to meeee."
  • After being tasked to gather cattle for a village, he directly purchases 5 cattle from a nearby ranch, but unfortunately realizes too late he made himself broke doing so. Even worse, he has no idea how to herd them, so he spends the entire day trying to shove them to their destination... and by nightfall, they completely fade out of the overworld, leaving Soviet bankrupt and exasperatedly cry-laughing.
  • In a truly baffling display of scripting, Womble gets curbstomped trying to infiltrate a castle and ends up thrown in the dungeon for several days, only for his party to siege it but not free him. Several days in while still trapped in the cell, Womble inexplicably gets an invitation from King Graveth for a feast in the middle of the battle and on the other side of the continent, his party manages to take over the town, dashes to the feast, all while never freeing him.

Random Pavlov Bullshittery

Sovietwomble's and Cyanide's Halo Stream

  • Soviet and Cyanide's continuing frustration with escorting Captain Keyes, with Keyes deciding it makes complete sense to run ahead of the Power Armor wearing Super Soldiers. It gets to the point that, after one particularly annoying death, Soviet asks if he can just kill Keyes, and Cyanide instantly gives him permission. After they restart, Cyanide kills him, and Soviet is completely fine with it. Cyanide ends up deciding that he has no concept of mortality, whatsoever, with Soviet saying he's like CartonWaffle.
    • After Keyes dies because he charged towards an Elite with an Energy Sword. Again:
      Cyanide: Why is he so bad?
      Soviet: He's worse than we are!
      (Keyes charges at an Elite and dies again)
      Cyanide: GODDAMMIT You useless fucking idiot!
      Soviet: Fucking...well, this is why he's the captain, clearly, he stays in space, he has no combat experience on the ground whatsoever. He just ran towards them, did you see that he just ran towards them!
      Cyanide: Well, apparently he's fucking deluded and thinks he's got a fucking power... power armor suit on.
      Soviet: We should get him in ZF.
    • When they finally reach the end of the level, during the cutscene where they get on the Covenant dropship:
      Cortana: Give me a minute to interface with the ship's controls,
      Keyes: No need, I'll take this bird out myself,
      Cyanide: Again, no concept of mortality whatsoever.
      (Keyes rams the ship into two Hunters)
      Cyanide: What does he think he fucking is, like seriously?
      Soviet: And then he crashes into the ceiling.

The Dancing Lich

  • The entire video is an incredible case of Black Comedy, with Soviet playing the part of a, well, dancing lich, terrifying the local ladies as a surprisingly well-acted, if completely disturbing character.
    Comment: I think Womble has finally gone totally insane...
    Comment: Thank you, this video will be very useful against you in court.

Random Rocket League Bullshittery

  • A good majority of the stream consists of the clan making the weirdest noises possible and a bunch of silly, rapid-fire quotes with absolutely no context.
    • Cyanide's "autistic mantis impression."
    • Bavon sounds like an owl with a deep voice.
    • Darius making suggestive noises.
    • Soviet acts like a golden retriever, much to Cyanide's annoyance.
  • Nep proceeds to miss an easy goal. The ball was right in front of her with no defenders nearby. Soviet proceeds to mock her about it.
  • The "ethically wrong bell" as opposed to the "racist bell" (that first became a gag in Rising Storm.)
    Soviet: No, we don't have an "Ethically Wrong Bell." If we had an ethically-wrong bell, it would never stop ringing.
  • Cyanide asking "How do you spell "league?"" note 
  • Cyanide proceeds to rage at the entire clan and insults just about everyone on his team. After telling Soviet to calm down.
    Cyanide: Do something with your fucking life, Rotary! COME ON, ROTARY!! YOUR COUNTRY PRODUCED SAMURAI, THEN THEY PRODUCED YOU!
  • Nep, as usual, making very suggestive commentary.
    Nep: Come on... ugh... come on, yes..yes yes yes yes! Come on... perfectly centered! Come on! Go in! Come on! Go in! OH YES!
    (...)
    Soviet: Nep, can you stop making my chat go apeshit?
    Nep: Did I do sexual stuff?
    Soviet: You did sexual stuff.
  • Moley and Chubb:
    Moley: Let's play strip Rocket League.
    Chubb: But what if you're already naked?
    Moley: Put some fucking clothes on, Chubb!
    Chubb: No.
  • At the end of the video, Cyanide suddenly makes a few sounds of distress. When Womble asks what is wrong, Cyanide replies that he dropped his chips on the floor. Womble tells him to let them go, as they're gone, and...
    Cyanide: (muffled) They're not gone until I say they're gone!
    Womble: Are you eating them off the floor?!
    Cyanide: ...no! [captions say yes]

Random Mordhau Bullshittery

  • Soviet starting the stream:
    Soviet: I'm just going to be chilling out this evening and joining at least ZF Social in Mordhau, which is a stabby-stabby run around with bows and arrows and stuff. Right, let me just unmute myself and say hi to him.
    (Soviet unmutes and Social has filled the channel with "teamspeak full of anime"note )
    Soviet: (mutes again) On second thought, let's do a solo stream this evening.
  • While they're dueling, Soviet watches a match between Bundy and Social, and he bets on Social. Bundy immediately kills Social.
  • When ZF Kyle starts interrupting duels, open season is declared on him. The one thing that gets ZF working together with relentless efficiency is ruining duels.
  • ZF discovering that the objectives on one map is to hunt down and kill the enemy civilians.
    Soviet: This plays to our strengths as a clan!
  • Soviet climbs up into a tower with a longbow to take a shot, and decides that it's too far and he'll never get a kill. He fires off a random arrow, and somehow kills someone anyway.
    Soviet: Nah this is too far. I'll never get a kill from here.
    (launches a random arrow and sees it kills someone)
    Soviet: What?! Okay! Later today, I'll never get a blowjob from an extremely attractive brunette.
  • Soviet: "I will not die to Chinny and a frying pan. (immediately gets killed by Chinny's frying pan)
  • For the majority of the first few games they actually played, the ZF clan ended up losing connection, usually followed by them all verabally sounding their frustrations by making the same noise you make when you see something cute.
    Soviet: This game can best be summarized as "Let's play this! Awwwwwwww."
  • During a frontline map, Soviet ended up being separated from the rest of the clan due to balancing, resulting in him attacking Bavon. 30 seconds later, Womble is then promptly murdered by the other ZF members after they hunted him down.
    Soviet: Fuck off ZF!
    Bavon: Come over here, Womble~
  • ZF are losing an objective.
    Soviet: We're losing the stable!
    Edberg: Yeah, it's unstable.
    Soviet: That's terrible. That's an awful joke, you should be ashamed.
  • It says something about ZF that when Cyanide tells Soviet "there's a banana having a rave behind you" that not only does Soviet turn around to look, but there actually is Social spazzing out behind him wearing a full yellow outfit.

Random Onward Bullshittery

  • On the training camp level, Bundy wanders onto the firing range. No prizes guessing what happens next.
    Soviet: Oh look, there's a target out there. (Womble and a teammate gun Bundy down) Really well animated, the moving targets out there.
  • When ZF learns you can draw on the mission maps, they almost immediately use it to draw genitals. In one instance, Womble was pointing out good sniper positions and their range, and the captions eventually devolved into "penis".
  • During a night mission, Bundy forgets to buy a laser sight, so SWAT and Womble mess around with theirs to troll him.
    Hamm: What's with him?
    Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.
  • Later on, Womble mistakes a muzzle break for a suppressor, and accidentally causes his team to get spotted.
    Bundy: Who the fuck sent in the "special" forces!?
  • When SWAT tries to draw a dick, it looks malformed, to the rest of the clan's amusement.
  • One map has them kill each other repeatedly shortly after they spawn.
    Bundy: I think I was a bit naïve setting up only four rounds in this custom map.

    What's so strange about The Forest (2014)? 

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