Funny / Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal

Does Ratchet have a monkey on his back? Or it could be ONE OF NATURE'S MYSTERIES!

With Captain Qwark as the good guys' bumbling excuse for a Big Good and the grand debut of the hysterically evil Dr. Nefarious, it should be of no surprise that many fans consider Up Your Arsenal the absolute funniest game of the Ratchet & Clank PS2 era.

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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• "One of Nature's Mysteries"
  Alien: I've seen him run right through our campin' site. He was butt naked, screamin', and holdin' a banan'r. Or maybe it weren't a banan'r. It could be—
  TV Prompt: ONE OF NATURE'S MYSTERIES!

• Nefarious' introductory message has Lawrence as his sign language interpreter, though he instead uses pantomime. When describing organic life forms, he acts out petting a cat, acts like a monkey, and squishes his head cartoonishly.
• When Ratchet meets the Galactic President (who sounds exactly like Bill Clinton), they have this exchange:
  Galactic President: My daughter tells me you're a man who's good with his hands, Ratchet.
  Ratchet: Sir, I swear I NEVER—

• Qwark's mission briefings. In particular the very beginning of the first one:
  Qwark: First, Ratchet and Clank will descend to the seafloor and wade through a series of tunnels flooded with waist-high raw sewage.
  Ratchet: WHAT??
  Qwark: Please hold your questions until the end of the presentation.
  • It's also hilarious to note that his mission briefings were a slide presentation that was hand-drawn... with crayons. It looked like a 4-year old did it. This trait would actually carry over into most of the series' later entries, including the 2016 film.

• Sometimes, when Nefarious gets too emotionally wound up, he'll short out, freeze in place, and his voice will be replaced with the broadcast of a Soap Opera. The only way to fix him is a blow to the head. But the best part is that he isn't even aware of it...and no one probably has the nerve to tell him.
  Lawrence: [gleefully] Oh, this is the best part of my day!

• The bridge of the Starship Phoenix, where the Q-Force officers ask each other random questions while sitting at their computers.
  Trooper: Officer Helga?
  Helga: Ja?
  Trooper: Do you have any idea what I'm supposed to be doing!?
  Helga: Listen up you lardball! The answer is NO!

• The Qwark Vid-Comic intros and outros. All of them. Special highlights include:
  • In Episode 1, the narrator's sheer disbelief at the main villain of the story:
    Narrator: However, no previous adventure could have prepared Qwark for his encounter with the dread pirate Blackstar and his crew of... oh, please tell me this is a typo.
    Qwark: That's "robotic pirate ghosts". Guess reading wasn't your subject, eh, Professor?
  • The outro to the same episode begins with the narrator still ranting about the stupidity of the whole premise:
    Narrator: I mean, I've worked on some real junk, but this one takes the cake. Pirate ghost robots. What do they think, we're idiots?
    Qwark: Hey, Professor, snap to it! (smacks the narrator)
  • From the same cutscene, you can just hear the loathing in the narrator's voice as he describes what Qwark did with the reward money:
    Narrator: With great reluctance, Qwark accepted a meager fee^* At least a trillion Bolts for his services and promptly donated the entire sum to the "Qwark for Tots" scholarship fund, a charity providing makeovers and... buxom bimbos to needy people. Named Qwark.
    Qwark: I've got a big heart.
  • From Episode 2, when Dr. Nefarious unleashes the amoeboids upon Blackwater City:
    Nefarious: We'll see who's insane when my pets have exterminated all life on this miserable planet!
    Lawrence: That should clear things right up, sir.
  • Qwark's response to the amoeboid invasion?
    Narrator: When Captain Qwark encountered the amoeboids for the first time, he immediately executed Emergency Response Plan: "Number 2".
    Qwark: Hey, wait just a minute!
    Narrator: Qwark then proceeded to stall for time, while he coordinated the city's defenses from the women's restroom... at Galaxy Burger.
    Qwark: Gimme that thing, you lying, no-good...! (knocks the narrator out)
  • Immediately after is another lame crayon drawing from Qwark of him battling amoeboids as he briefly takes the narrator's place before the cutscene ends, naturally playing himself up.
  • The ending of Episode 3, when Qwark recounts his days of bullying Dr. Nefarious in school:
    Qwark: That's right, you were that freak with the headgear! Remember how I used to clean the chalkboard with your pants... while you were still wearing them? Oh, good times.
    Nefarious: You were three times my size, you stupid oaf!
    Qwark: I was always big for my age.
    Nefarious: You were 26!
  • From Qwark Vid-Comic 4:
    Janice: The baby isn't yours.
    Lance: What? Who? Who is the father?
    Janice: Oh! Your evil twin brother, Englebert!
    Lance: But Janice... I AM Engelbert!
  • The fact that Episode 5, being a bootleg, is narrated by Slim Cognito is hilarious in and of itself.
    Nefarious: (after Lawrence accidentally puts his head on backwards) What's going on? Where are my arms?! WHOSE BUTT IS THIS?!
• IRON. HARD. ABS.
• Ratchet's attempt to simulate the seductive dancing of robotic pop star Courtney Gears, ending with him making a kissy face at Clank.
• We're treated to this exchange partway through:
  Skidd: Sasha and Qwark are meeting with the president, man, they left me in charge of the ship!
  Ratchet: WHAT?! I mean, I see... Well, is Al there?
  Skidd: He's out to lunch.
  Ratchet: Helga?
  Skidd: In the sauna!
  Clank: Qwark's monkey, perhaps?
• When you arrive at Holostar Studios to tape a Secret Agent Clank episode, Ratchet tries to activate the cloaking device on their ship, but accidentally ejects Clank, who lands on set. Then...
  Director: CUT! CUT! That's it! You've disgraced my set for the last time, kid! Take up basket weaving! You're fired! ...Get me the monkey.
• Skidd post-transformation apparently keeps his Surfer Dude talk, but in a robotic monotone.
  Robot!Skidd: Like, destroy all squishies. Dude.
• Here's a jewel:
  Skrunch: *angry monkey babble*
  Qwark: I thought we agreed to put that jungle business behind us.
  Skrunch: *furious monkey screeching*
  Qwark: It was mating season! How could I known she was your sister? *notices Ratchet and Clank (Klunk) standing behind him* *nervous laugh* How long have you two been standing there?
  Clank (Klunk): Too long...
• Some of the PA announcements at the Zeldrin Starport are… amusing, to say the least.
  "Your safety is important to us. Please stay clear of all decorative pools of lava."
  "Due to increased security, thermonuclear warheads and nail clippers are no longer permitted as carry-on baggage."
  "Passengers are limited to two carry-on weapons."
  "Organic lifeforms must be kept on a leash at all times."
  "The detention center is now full. Please form a line outside while the current occupants are ejected through the airlock."
  "Loitering in the Starport is strictly forbidden. Violators will be disintegrated and fined."
• The trip to the Leviathan. You only see Qwark's ship traveling there, but this exchange takes place:
  Klunk: Shotgun!
  Qwark: Aargh!
  * various impact noises*
  Ratchet: Hey! Gah— what are you doing?
  Qwark: Move over, I'll drive!
  Ratchet: Uh, no thanks, I'd rather make it there in one piece.
  Qwark: Stand down soldier, this is your captain speaking!
  Ratchet: Captain my--
  * various cartoon impact noises, grunting throughout*
  Ratchet: Wait! No, don't sit on the flight stick!
  Qwark: Auuaaugh!
• The tense, long-awaited reunion between old nemeses:
  Nefarious: You've put on a bit of weight since last we met.
  Qwark: Yeah, well Courtney Gears didn't seem to mind!
  Nefarious: QWAAAAAAAAAAAA-(fft)-"That's what makes it so good, Janice! Feel it: my heart is pounding like an anvil!"
• Nefarious has led the heroes into a trap and activated the Leviathan's self-destruct mechanism:
  Dr. Nefarious: Lawrence, teleport us out of here!
  Lawrence: Of course, sir. [teleports himself away]
  Dr. Nefarious: Lawrence? [beat] THIS ISN'T FUNNY, LAWRENCE!
  [Nefarious is teleported away]
• Ratchet's attempt at a eulogy for Qwark, and Klunk making things difficult for him.
  Ratchet: Captain Qwark had so many, um, er... wonderful qualities, I just don't know where to begin...
  Klunk: Such as...?
  • Klunk later sums up an actually heartfelt speech with "What a load of bullsh-" and Ratchet sharply pokes him to shut him up with a "Ssssh!". Notice that Ratchet hushing Klunk overlaps to the exact moment when he's finishing his swear word.
• Dr. Nefarious is about to unleash his ultimate doomsday weapon - only to accidentally activate a hologram of himself singing loudly and screechily off-key as Clank looks on in embarrassment. Seems Lawrence "accidentally" handed him a remote that shows his rehearsal for "Galactic Idol". If it were not for the subtitles, then the lyric would sound pretty silly.
  Nefarious Hologram: You are my robot lover! (You and I rule, ba-lum-bah!)
  • Which leads to present-day Nefarious, usually oblivious to Lawrence's misbehaviour, going into a screaming fit and punching Lawrence onto the ground.
    Dr Nefarious: ARRRGH! LAWREEEEENCE!!
    Lawrence: Oh, dear. That was your audition for Galactic Idol, wasn't it? Oh, my mistake, sir. Dreadfully sorry.
• Ratchet finds out his Clank is actually an imposter:
  Ratchet: Look Clank, it's Dr. Nefarious! And that butler guy! And... they've got Clank! They're, uh, holding you prisoner! How about that?
  Klunk: *evil chuckle*
  Ratchet: I guess I should be feeling pretty stupid right now. I don't suppose there's any chance he's the evil Clank?
  Klunk: *another evil chuckle, as his eyes turn red*
  Ratchet: Yeah, didn't think so.
  • Having witnessed this, Nefarious almost lets loose with another Evil Laugh before he starts hacking, saying he's "been laughing so hard today, [my] sides ache!"
• Clank is revealed to be able to translate Skrunch's monkey noises...
  Clank: He says you have ears like a Florana dung beaver. *chuckle*
• The Biobliterator's sixty second destruction sequence:
  Dr. Nefarious: What?! That wasn't even CLOSE to sixty seconds!
  Computer: Buh-bye!
• The very end where Nefarious and Lawrence are trapped on an asteroid drifting through space, with the nearest planet reachable within a few thousand years. As Nefarious sulks, Lawrence plays a few riffs on his bass before looking inquisitively at Nefarious.
  Nefarious: Now what?
  Lawrence: I don't suppose you can play drums?
  Nefarious: !...LAW-RENCE!!!
  • Also at the end, Ratchet gets a Smooch of Victory from his Girl of the Week. Skrunch looks expectantly at Clank, who warns "Do not even think about it."
• This very hilarious and easy-to-miss message from the Gadgetron Helpdesk upon upgrading the RY3NO:
  "Though thought to be impossible, you've upgraded this weapon beyond its theoretical limits! The employees of Gadgetron are now fearing for their lives. Long live Ratchet! He is our master. Oh, and Ratchet... please be careful with that thing!"