"I got a jar of Dirt! I got a jar of Dirt!"
- When Beckett shows up at the beginning with Will in chains, governer Swann demands to know what he's doing:Beckett: [hands Swann a paper] The warrant for the arrest of one William Turner.
Swann: [reads the paper, looks confused] This warrant is for Elizabeth Swann.
Beckett: [unphased] Oh, is it? That's annoying, my mistake. Arrest her. [turns and gets the proper warrant while his men seize Elizabeth] Ah, here's the one for William Turner!- Beckett explains they're to be put to death for aiding "a certain pirate named Jack Sparrow"; Will and Elizabeth immediately and simultaneously reply with "captain!"
- Pintel points out that Ragetti trying to read the Bible to atone for his sins isn't gonna work because he can't read. "It's the Bible. You get credit for trying."
- "I've got a jar of dirt!"
Made even funnier in that none of the actors aboard the Pearl were told what Johnny Depp would be doing, so their surprised/confused reactions are genuine. - The scene where Jack-kebab falls through the bridges. Especially when the tribeswomen just watch for a second, one basically says "Eh, whatever," then they walk away, as if it happens all the time.
- Before that, when one of the tribesfolk hurls a coconut at him, Jack tries to duck it, and ends up accidentally spearing said coconut on the tip of the bamboo pole that he's tied to. We see him look at what he's done, and then—if you turn the sound up—you almost hear the ding of a cartoon idea bulb turning on!
- When Jack is revealed as the cannibal tribe's apparent chief, he makes a show of examining a tied-up Will, looks to the tribe, and speaks to them in their native tongue. We don't get any subtitles, but we get what he's saying well enough, thanks to interjected English:
- Later, when Jack finally makes his escape from the tribe (they were planning to free their "god" from his "fleshy prison" by cooking him alive), he scales the side of his ship, turns back to them, and says triumphantly:Jack Sparrow: Alas, my children; this is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost—
[Huge splash of water hits Jack right in the face.]
Jack Sparrow: [looking rather put out] ...Captain Jack...Sparrow.- Earlier, when Will and half of the crew of the Black Pearl by rolling the cage down a cliff, they end up flying off it with Will, Marty and Gibbs screaming as they fly down the cliff.
- When the cage stops rolling but the natives are still coming, Will orders the crew to lift the cage so they can run away. They all do so...except for Marty, who is too short and instead ends up being carried along as well with his feet dangling just above the ground.
- After that scene, after giving some rather confusing orders to Gibbs (saying to put some distance between them and the island and heading out to open sea, so long as they keep as close to the shore as possible), Jack adds, looking rather peeved after all he's been through:Jack Sparrow: Now, where is that monkey? I want to shoot something.
- Not to mention the way the Pelegostos all stare at the dog, before chasing him.
- Jack's first response when Will tells him that Elizabeth's in danger—again.Jack: Have you considered keeping a more watchful eye on her; maybe just lock her up somewhere?
- And when Will tells Jack that Elizabeth is going to hang for helping him: "There comes a time when one must take responsibility for one's mistakes."
- When Davy Jones comes to collect Jack's soul, Jack tries to argue that he still has eleven years left as the Captain of the Pearl due to Barbossa's mutiny. Jack constantly insisting he be addressed as "Captain" comes back to haunt him.Jones: Then you were a poor captain but a captain nonetheless. Have you not introduced yourself all these years as Captain Jack Sparrow?
- The tavern fight. Norrington shot someone's bottle, the guy hit someone else and then the band started playing appropriate music so everyone got in on the action. Except for Jack and Gibbs who were quietly leaving.
- Throughout the fight, Jack swapped hats, trying to replace his lost one. One moment that stands out:Two men: [holding a man, intent on throwing him over a guard rail] AAAAAAH!! [stops when Jack steps in front of them]
Jack: [puts the hat on the carried man and steps aside] Carry on.
Two men: [resumes the activity] AAAAAAAH! - At least twice Jack narrowly misses having a bottle hit him in the head, but he's so focused on swapping hats that he doesn't notice.
- Elizabeth finding Norrington in the thick of the fight. It's about two seconds of an expression that says "What's he doing here?! Oh damn, I need to keep him safe!" and then she joins in on the fight.
- Throughout the fight, Jack swapped hats, trying to replace his lost one. One moment that stands out:
- Jack hiding behind a plant and trying to leave just before Norrington tries to shoot him, which kicks off the above fight.
- Elizabeth's reaction to the Mêlée à Trois for the chest between Jack, Will, and Norrington. She even walks sarcastically.Elizabeth: This is barbaric! This is no way for grown men to settle... Oh, FINE! Let's just... haul out our swords and start banging away at each other, that will solve EVERYTHING! I'VE HAD IT! I'VE HAD IT WITH WOBBLY-LEGGED... RUM-SOAKED... PIRATES!
- Made especially hilarious with the audio commentary: According to the writers, everything was going great that day. Then came Keira, sweet little Keira having an absolute meltdown.
- After Elizabeth's little fit, Pintel and Ragetti walk onto the scene, with the former taking one look at the three-way fight and wondering what set this off. The latter responds with a freakishly accurate summation of each duelist's motivations... which is all the more hilarious because not only would you not expect the Plucky Comic Relief of Those Two Guys to figure it all out, but he wasn't even there when Will ran into his father! The pair surmise that the only noble thing to do is remove temptation from the equation, and steal the Dead Man's Chest.
- Elizabeth pretending to faint, then opening one eye to see if they've stopped to check on her. Made funnier after she resigns herself to watching the duel. Pintel and Ragetti run past at that point and she glances at them, then turns back to the duel... and then, upon realizing they have the chest on them, jumps up and chases after the pair.
- The part where Jack, Will, and Norrington are trying to have an honest-to-goodness swordfight on a moving water wheel.
- Jack tries to walk away from the fight at first while Norrington is occupied with Will, only to fall into an open grave. Right as he gets out, the wheel runs over him, trapping his top half on the inside while his legs are stuck on the outside. Will and Norrington pause for a moment to look down at Jack's flailing legs before resuming their duel.
- When Jack is on the inside of the water wheel, he gets dislodged from the portion of the structure he was previously stuck in, and gets a triumphant look on his face as he's in reach of the key... right before a metal bar smacks him square in the head, knocking him out of the wheel.
- And of course, the part where Pintel, Ragetti, and Elizabeth abruptly pause their standoff just to stare blankly as the wheel rolls past them with Jack running after it, then once it's off-screen they shrug and return to the confrontation as though nothing had happened.
- A similar scene shortly afterwards where Elizabeth is struggling to hold off Davy Jones' crew. The water wheel rolls flattens Jones' crew and barely misses Elizabeth, and she and the remaining crew pause to watch the wheel roll to a stop before resuming their fight.
- When the wheel eventually falls over, Will and Norrington stumble out, and Will tries to rush over to Elizabeth and help her... and he's too dizzy to even walk properly, flopping into the water he's standing in.
- One of Davy Jones' crew mates is running with the chest, when Jack throws a coconut and knocks his head off. The head shouts directions to the blind body (about 2 minutes in).Hadras: Aiyaaa. Anido. Anido! Follow my voice, follow my voice. To the left... no, turn around. Go to the right. Go—
[the body rams against a tree]
Hadras: ...No, that's a tree.
Jack: Oh, shut it.- A little while later, Norrington makes a run for it with the Dead Man's Chest in tow and the crew of the Dutchman in hot pursuit, only to be brought up short by Hadras, who's currently holding his severed head under his arm. After a tense standoff, Norrington simply tosses the Chest at Hadras—who drops his head to grab it—and runs for it; then, Hadras's body and the other crewmembers stroll off, leaving the very annoyed head shouting after them; eventually, it mutters, "Pirates!" then sprouts crab legs to follow them with, grumbling irritably to itself.
- When Norrington grabs the chest and runs, he tells Elizabeth, "Don't wait for me." After Davy Jones' crewmen leave to chase after him, Jack suggests they take his advice.
Jack: I say we respect his final wish.
Pintel: Aye!
[everyone withdraws their weapons and get into the longboat in perfect synch] - This gem:Will: What about Jack? I won't leave without him!
[Camera reveals Jack being chased by a horde of cannibals]
Will: Time to go.
Gibbs: CAST OFF THOSE LINES!!!- In the teaser trailer, it was the same scenario, but instead, Will said:"Never mind! Let's go!"
- In the teaser trailer, it was the same scenario, but instead, Will said:
- And, when asked, "What vexes all men?"
- And then when Jack clarifies that Davy Jones fell in love with a woman:Gibbs: No, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with.
Tia Dalma: Same story! Different versions! And all are true.- Actually a bit of Fridge Brilliance and foreshadowing - Jones fell in love with Tia Dalma herself, who is actually the goddess of the sea, Calypso.
- And then when Jack clarifies that Davy Jones fell in love with a woman:
- When they're rowing everyone to the island, Pintel and Ragetti get into an argument about how to pronounce 'kraken' and Ragetti comes out with things about how it's pronounced in the original Scandinavian. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Norrington are giving each other confused looks that clearly say 'When did he suddenly grow a brain?'
- Elizabeth, dressed as a guy, finds Jack at Tortuga.Elizabeth: Captain Sparrow!
Jack: Come to join me crew, lad? Welcome aboard!
Elizabeth: I'm here to find the man I love.
Jack: [Beat] I'm deeply flattered, son, but my first and only love is the sea. [gestures to Gibbs: get rid of him]
Elizabeth: Meaning William Turner, Captain Sparrow.
Jack: Elizabeth! [to Gibbs] Hide the rum!- Then Jack turns to her and says, "Those clothes do not flatter you at all. It should be a dress or nothing. I happen to have no dress in my cabin."
- Watch Gibbs afterward as he quickly tries to drink his flask dry.
- Just after that, when Jack first meets ex-Commodore Scruffington.Jack: You look bloody awful, mate, what are you doing here?
Norrington: You hired me. I can't help it if your standards are lax.
Jack: [as immaturely as humanly possible] You smell funny. - Earlier, when Elizabeth first ditches her wedding dress for ordinary sailor's clothes on a ship she's stowed away on, the Captain indicates that they have a female stowaway (not a female ghost, as some of the crew believes), and orders the men to find her. . . noting that she's probably naked. At this declaration, the crew all charge off to search the ship, and Elizabeth quickly remembers that she's pretending to be a guy and charges off with them.
- *peck peck* *peck peck pe-* *BANG!*
- The way he sticks his arm out of the coffin afterwards and points the gun around like it's a periscope for a submarine just seals it.
- The part where the crew are trying to scare off the Kraken, only to discover they're short on gunpowder. Will tells them to bring up the rum, and all the crew stop dead in their tracks. After a moment, Gibbs (reluctantly) agrees, and starts crying afterwards. Just before cutting away, you can hear the rest of the crew joining him...
- The 'three people, two swords' scene at Isla Cruces, right after Elizabeth's freakout (mentioned above). She notices Pintel and Ragetti trying to make off with the chest during the Mêlée à Trois going on between Jack, Will, and Norrington. She chases after them, and when they meet in the forest, she tries to pull out her sword to fight... only to realize that Will, who had arrived unarmed, yanked her sword in order to fight. The awkward "Oh, Crap!" Smile she gives Pintel and Ragetti is priceless. And then Pintel and Ragetti go from advancing menacingly towards an unarmed Elizabeth to passing her both their swords and running away the moment Davy Jones' crew attacks, and the three end up juggling two swords between the three of them while trying to protect the Dead Man's Chest.
- The scene is replayed later on when Will confronts Pintel and Ragetti, who were trying to steal the chest, pointing his sword at them and grinning menacingly. They reach for their swords to fight... only to remember they gave them to Elizabeth, and give Will the same Oh, Crap! smiles Elizabeth gave them earlier. Then they challenge Will all the same with... an oar and a fishing net.
- Moments later, Jack knocks Will out with a rowboat oar.
- When Elizabeth sees Will unconscious:Jack: Leave him lie. Unless you're planning on using him to hit something with.
- When Elizabeth sees Will unconscious:
- The part where Jack has a jar of dirt and asks everyone to guess what's inside, which predictably achieved Memetic Mutation status and is now the staple meme of this movie.
- Davy Jones reaction to the jar of dirt is to unleash the Flying Dutchman's cannons.Jack: Hard to starboard?
Elizabeth: HARD TO STARBOARD!
- Davy Jones reaction to the jar of dirt is to unleash the Flying Dutchman's cannons.
- The pirates trying to swing the cages to the cliffs.
- Made even more hilarious with the background music being something one would hear at a carnival.
- And afterward as they're climbing:Will: Come on, men! It'll take all of us to crew the Pearl!
Leech: Actually, you won't need everyone! About six would do! [stops as he realizes that not only have the drums stopped, meaning (as far they know) Jack has been killed and eaten, and his crew are next on the menu, but there are also six people in each cage—meaning only one group needs to make it to escape] Ohhh... dear.
- Jack bartering with Tia Dalma.Tia Dalma: You know I demand payment.
Jack: I brought payment. Look! [he shoots Jack the monkey, smiling like a used car salesman] An undead monkey! Top that!- And then when Tia Dalma notices Will Turner.Tia Dalma: You have a touch of destiny about you, Will Turner.
Will: You know me?
Tia Dalma: You want to know me.
Jack: There'll be no knowing here! We've come for help and we're not leaving without it! [to Tia] I thought I knew you.
Tia Dalma: Not as well I had hoped.- Jack's saying "There'll be no knowin" is even funnier since he clearly meant knowing in the "biblical" sense (especially considering the time-period this movie takes place in).
- And then when Tia Dalma notices Will Turner.
- When the Flying Dutchman is submerging, Jones actually uses some of his hair-tentacles to hold his hat in place!
- Also, the grimly-ominous first "Do you fear death?" scene is slightly lightened when, in addition to lighting his calabash pipe with his tentacle-beard, Jones blows out the match with air from the octopus siphon on his cheek.
- When Jack finds the twice-cursed, barnacle-encrusted Bootstrap Bill Turner on his ship.Jack: Is this a dream?
Bootstrap: [gives Jack a weird look] No.
Jack: I thought not. If it were, there’d be rum.
Bootstrap: [offers a bottle]- Then he asks, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your carbuncle?"
- In the first film Jack says "...and then they made me their chief.", referencing some unexplained Noodle Incident. In this film, Jack is made chief by a tribe. This film wasn't planned yet when the first came out, which makes that line Hilarious in Hindsight.
