Funny / Old Harry's Game

• Satan: "We’re averaging 25 suicide bombers a day. Here, you should see their faces when they get here and it’s not paradise. Sometimes, for a laugh, you know, I get Scumspawn to put on a dress and tell them he’s a virgin. Which he is, come to think of it. And always will be. As he has no genitalia."
• On a similar note, a suicide bomber, who had only blown up himself: "But if I had succeeded, I would be in paradise, yes? The Supreme Leader told me ... The Supreme Leader's full of crap, isn't he?"
• Scumspawn's many failed transformations. He goes for chthonic monstrosity, he gets giant prawn. On a bed of lettuce. And on several occasions he turns himself into an electric lawnmower.
• Thomas's attempt to express himself through poetry doesn't end up how he wants it to:
  I know they are out there, lying in wait,
  Their eyes gleaming bright with fury and hate.
  Their gaze is fixed on me. their prey
  Through the long sweat of night and the mad race of day.
  And I'm transfixed by the thought that they're all the same,
  each predator's face identical to the others!
  And I know that man — I know who he is.
  For it is the accusing face of... Alan Titchmarsh!!!
• In the second Olympic Special, a disguised Satan meets Edith's great-niece Emma, whom she remembers as a dear little girl. During his conversation with Emma, he discovers that she is an unprincipled, airheaded, mercenary young woman who's planning to throw the race she's running in for a large bribe. At the end of their conversation:
  Emma: I'll see you later.
  Satan: Yeah. Eventually.
• Or there's Satan's 'constructive criticism' towards Marxism.
  Satan: Yep, they call it Das CRAPital!
  Marx: ...I — I don't understand.
  Satan: Of course not. That was a joke, and you're a German.
• One of the most evil beings in all of Hell is a dolphin. Named Chuckles. Satan nearly recruits him as his number two, only to decide Chuckles is too clever and disintegrates him.
• While searching for prospective underlings, Satan interviews a demon who took the form of a giant tapeworm and tormented Mozart by making him listen to his own music played on a hammond organ.
  Professor: How does a giant tapeworm play a hammond organ?
  Satan: Very badly, as I think Wolfgang can attest.
• In order to summon God, Satan enlists the help of Thomas, who for reasons has been squashed into a pancake.
  Thomas: Why are you smiling like that?
  Satan: Because it's Shrove Tuesday.
  • The result? Thomas being fried in a giant frying pan (usually reserved for Orson Welles), in the hopes his blasphemous screams will get God's attention.
    Scumspawn: A blaspheming pancake. That's not something you see every day.
    Satan: Not in your Delia, that's for sure.
  • Soon enough, God does appear. Turns out he hasn't arrived because of Thomas's screams - He just likes the smell of pancakes.
• The Fall, which as it turns out was less of a rebellion and more Satan trying to stage a corporate takeover.
  Edith: And how did God take that?
  Satan: He said "I am the Alpha and the Omega", and I said that was exactly the type of doubling down on management roles we were trying to streamline.
• At the end of season 7, God returns to Hell to sort out the whole mess with the baby Patrick, which results in Edith flat-out denying His existence.
  • God reveals He's noticed buses are now questioning His existence, and His response is to set them on fire.
    God: I've set fire to so many buses... those bendy ones go up like a rocket.
  • Thomas intervenes in the argument mainly to stick up for Scumspawn when God insults him.
    Thomas: You may have invented the Heavens, and the Earth[...] but he made me a CLOCKWORK DOG!
    God: ... this place is a madhouse.
  • Finally, Edith decides she must be really hallucinating, and if she closes her eyes and wishes hard enough, everyone will be gone. No such luck. Satan just chimes in with a cheery "yoo-hoo. Still here".

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