Funny / Markiplier The Forest

Don't let the smile fool you; this is a Despair Event Horizon.

"Sometimes I forget that this is a horror game, and then it becomes a horror game very quickly."

— Mark

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In The Forest, players are expected to search the Wild Wilderness for their kidnapped son while fighting cannibals, mutants, and other horrors. Naturally, Mark, Bob, and Wade have no intention whatsoever of doing so.

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THE TERROR OF THE TREES

• Bob's Casual Danger Dialog during the opening plane crash.
  "Oh, the wing is gone, is that bad?"
• When Mark, Wade, and Bob raid a cannibal village for the first time, Bob sees rope hanging from the ceilings and quips that the cannibals must have eschewed beds in favor of "sleeping nooses".
• Because of the way the game's inventory works in multiplayer, all three of them have Fatal Family Photos of Bob's missing son, Timmy. Bob remarks on how unsettling that would be in-universe. All three of them then take turns roasting Timmy's appearance, and Wade goes so far as to suggest that Bob arranged to crash the plane on purpose just to get rid of "that ugly little shit".
• Their sheer delight when Bob invents Pan of Feather. It's a pan with a feather in it.
• While clowning around with the crafting system, Mark wraps a rock in cloth and then lights it on fire. Suddenly and without warning, this sets him on fire as well since he is literally holding a fire directly with his hand, leaving him screaming and flailing as he and Bob laugh their asses off.
  Mark: We're just a bunch of cavemen, experimenting!
• Wade spends a very long time searching the peninsula for a beach with turtles (whose shells can be used to make rain catchers). As he wanders from one coast to the other, Mark and Bob get to work turning their base camp into an impenetrable fortress. When he finally gets a shell, this exchange follows:
  Wade: Can I equip more than one turtle shell? Can I carry more than one, I mean?
  Mark: Oh my god, if you come back with one turtle shell...
• During Wade's return trip, he gets ambushed and pursued by a nude cannibal. Bob suggests he take it as a compliment.

THEY'RE COMING FOR US!!

• The gang take a break from the action to discuss the mating habits of turtles.
  Bob: Have you ever seen turtles go at it? It's the one time in their life that they're fast, if you know what I mean.
  Wade: That's a shame, 'cause it's the one time you wouldn't want to be.
• Wade brags that his self-preservation instincts are very strong. Not even ten seconds later, he walks into the campfire and lights himself ablaze.
• The game is all but forcing the trio to go look for Timmy (the subplot to the game's survival situation). But each time they see a hint that they should go find him, they all declare that he was ugly and/or an asshole and that they don't need to get him.

WELL THAT DIDN'T GO AS PLANNED...

• This exchange, after Mark murders a cannibal with his slingshot.
  Bob: Wade, I've got some delicious food over here for you.
  Mark: (running home with the dead cannibal over his shoulder) Dude, let me tell you about delicious food...
• Bob threatening Mark with a stick of dynamite.
  Bob: Give me what I want!
  Mark: What do you want?!
  Bob: I don't know, dude, you better figure it out!
  • Mark then begins butchering the dead cannibal as the screen darkens and creepy music starts playing.
• While burning bodies in their base, Mark notices bones on the ground and tells Wade, who sings a song he calls "The bone song":
  "I like bones, bones are good for me, I like bones, give them all to me!"
• Mark and Bob wonder aloud why the cannibals haven't attacked their base yet, not realizing that they unknowingly built it in the so-called "Fertile Lands", widely considered one of the safest locales in the game. So much for playing on hard mode...
• After slaughtering a group of cannibals on a beach, the trio start burning their bodies to make Bone Armor. Bob lampshades the grisly scene with a little song:
  "Bo-dy fi-re! This is a normal thing to do!"
• As the last surviving cannibal flees the aforementioned carnage, Wade shouts after him "You better... die!" Mark quips that if someone murdered all his friends and then shouted that at him, he would still be terrified.

DESTROYING THE FOREST

• Mark's dismayed reaction when Bob lays the blueprint for an elevated log cabin, the construction of which proves quite time- and resource-intensive.
  Mark: How many logs does that need... ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX?!? We're not building that!
• While building said cabin, Wade gets an achievement for cutting down one hundred trees: "Climate Change".
• After finally finishing the cabin, Mark decides to ride his log sled down the cliff. Unexpectedly, the impact launches him back into the air, and the fall ends up killing him.

EXPLORING THE CAVES (spoiler: they scary)

• Mark, Bob, and Wade explore the peninsula's cave system. After facing cannibals and the like, the boys seem prepared to face whatever the caves throw at them. However Mark is terrified once they discover that parts of the caves are submerged and have to be traversed underwater and in the dark. Mark complains and is definitely uncomfortable having to do this, which contrasts to Bob and Wade's indifference to the situation.
• Mark, Bob, and Wade getting jumpscared by the bats in the cave entrance, one after another.
• The trio reach a cliff overlooking some cannibals and mutant babies, and a climbing rope that leads into the lower section. After Wade takes out some enemies with a stick of dynamite, Mark volunteers to be the first one down, only to find that the dynamite didn't get them all.
  Mark: Alright I think you got them, I'm going down. [starts climbing down]
  Cannibal: [screams in his ear]
  Mark: OOH BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP OH OH OH!
• After escaping the caves, Mark goes ahead of the group to investigate the the giant sinkhole, and spots a lone cannibal patrolling the hill in front of him. He begins to pursue it, only for Bob and Wade to warn him that there are more coming. Mark barely gets to a hiding spot as at least a dozen cannibals rush past his position, right where he would've been if he hadn't hid.
• Bob falls into the giant sinkhole and gets trapped, so Mark and Wade get to work building a platform for a climbing rope he can (in theory) use to climb out. Except when Mark arrives at the construction site with his fully-loaded log sled, the sled unexpectedly bounces off a rock and tumbles into the sinkhole, beyond reach. Mark's Rapid-Fire "No!" as this happens, and his Stunned Silence afterward, are quite memorable.

ESCAPING THE SINKHOLE

• Ever caught an Aloe Vera plant with a rabbit trap? Mark has.
• The boys spend half of the episode arguing about whether cake or pie is superior. The fact that Mark and Bob feel that cake is superior to pie and Wade doesn't leads to many jokes belittling Wade for his opinion.
• Moments after the group finishes building a gazebo on the cliff overlooking their base, Bob notices the "cut hole" option in the survival handbook and tries it on the gazebo. The whole building instantly collapses down the cliff, prompting a hysterical Big "NO!" from Mark that ends the episode.

well that's ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING

• When they reload in a few months later and find that a wall is blocking the door to their elevated cabin, Mark decides to destroy the wall. The problem? The entire cabin collapses, undoing all of their hard work, but ironically leaving the wall that had blocked them intact. Mark's reaction, the sad music, and Bob and especially Wade erupting into laughter, followed by a random deer inside their base having an edit of Ed the hyena laughing on its head, seals it.
  Bob: Mark, if you were upset about the gazebo, you could've just told me.
• Wade wanders into a pond and muses, "Oh that's water, I'm wet." Bob laughs that he sounds like a five-year-old at the swimming pool.
• Mark learns the hard way that Falling Damage works both ways when he cuts down a tree and it lands on top of him.
  Mark: OH! IF YOU LET THE LOG HIT YOU ON THE HEAD, YOU DIE!
  Bob: (hysterical laughter)
  Mark: Am I alive? Ow!
  Wade: Do you need to be revived?
  Mark: No, I think I'm okay. Ugh, that smarted real bad!
  Bob: (still laughing) Man, we're just learning all the things! Water wet, log dangerous...
  Wade: "Destroy house" destroys house?
• The three had set up traps outside the doors to their base humorously called the 'Happy Birthday' trap since it is deemed a surprise. When Mark is building the bridge over the river, Bob can be seen almost triggering one of the traps by accident (the traps instantly down anyone they hit). The camera zooms in on Bob as he gasps in fear.
  Bob: gasp It was almost my birthday...
• The gang's first encounter with a Virginia mutant. Mark, Bob, and Wade have split up to cut down trees and are clowning around with their chainsaws when Bob suddenly calls for help before gasping in pure horror. Mark and Wade run over and see Bob fleeing a giant spider-thing made of human flesh, freaking out and begging to be let into the base.
  Bob: MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK MARK!
  Mark: I'm looking at it!
  Bob: The— the door's locked! Ah! Jesus Christ!
  • After killing the Virginia by luring it into a Happy Birthday trap, the group gather around its corpse and freak out over how disturbingly visceral it is. Bob goes so far as to say that knowing it's dead doesn't make him feel better.
  Bob: That walked up behind me while I was chopping a tree drown, and I almost shit out some organs.
  • Then they make the mistake of harvesting Creepy Armor from it. The result is genuine Nausea Fuel for all three of them, who begin gagging.
• Later, Mark builds a bridge across a river. However, he chops down a tree... which then lands on the bridge and destroys it, leaving Mark to cover his face with his hands in shame while Bob and Wade start laughing again. Bob then throws Mark's advice to Wade back at him:
  Bob: You know, Mark... they fall in the direction that you cut!
  Mark: (sheepish laugh) I was saying that right when it happened, wasn't I?
• At one point, Mark and Bob speculate whether any alchemists ever tried boiling urine to make gold. (Fun fact: that's actually how Phosphorus was discovered).

THE WORST BRIDGE EVER MADE

• Mark restarts construction on his bridge multiple times because there's a little bit of wood sticking out of the side that bugs him.
• Wade's campfire song. Bob's reaction says it all.
  "I knew a guy called Jimmy Big-Bones.
  He used to wear these giant headphones.
  And then one day his headphones didn't fit.
  So Jimmy went down shoppin'.
  But the butcher, he was choppin'.
  He killed Jimmy, and no one else knows shit."
  That's my song.
  • After the song, Mark nervously asks what Wade's character did before getting stranded on the island ("Not a butcher, right?"). He and Bob act nervous around Wade for the rest of the episode and even try to ditch him at one point.
• Wade gets attacked by a Cowman and screams for help. Mark instead chews him out for not completing the bridge in his absence.
• The gang spends the entire episode building an improvised drawbridge across the river, with the idea that they can ferry logs from the far side to their base without having to worry about the cannibals using it to invade. When they finally complete it, they discover that log sleds can't cross it due to a Hitbox Dissonance. Mark's pained expression (pictured above) as Bob tries to work around this while all three laugh their asses off is a sight to behold.
  Mark: So you're telling me that this cart just doesn't go on drawbridges? Is that what I'm understanding here?
  Bob: (Beat) What if we cut a hole in the drawbridge? Would that fix it?

OUR DEFENSES DO NOTHING!!

• Mark's solution to the drawbridge debacle is to build a second "secret bridge" ten meters to the side, with the hope that the cannibals will be distracted by the main bridge. The cannibals discover secret bridge before it's even done being built.
• Mark and Wade spend quite some time fortifying the far side of their drawbridge, only to suddenly remember that there's no point because they can't bring their carts across.
  Mark: ...Why did we do this?
• It turns out that the river is shallow enough that cannibals can cross it even with the drawbridge up, proving that their efforts to build the bridge truly were All for Nothing.
• The trio explore the river on a raft and see another Virginia ahead. Bob orders ramming speed. The result? The Virginia leaps onto the raft, grabs Wade, and drags him to shore with it, prompting much hysteria among the group before he manages to escape.

KILL IT WITH FIRE!!

• Mark repeatedly failing to kill animals with his spear, even from two feet away, and often losing it in the process.
• As the trio explore a new cave, Bob and Wade spot an Armsy in the chamber ahead and react accordingly. Mark, lagging behind, is eying a bisected corpse hanging from the ceiling and misunderstands their concern.
  Bob: Oh dear! Oh, he has arms! Look at the arms he has!
  Mark: (confused) Arms? No, there are no arms on this dude.
  Bob: No no, the one orfing! Look at the man who orfs and his many, many arms!
  Mark: What are you talking ab— oh, that dude!
• While fighting said Armsy, Bob asks if anyone has explosives, and Wade, declaring that he has something better, dramatically throws a Molotov Cocktail at it... without lighting it first.
• A moment later, Mark throws a lit one, successfully igniting the Armsy... and sending it sprinting right at Bob while on fire. Bob freaks out and tears out of the chamber while all three crack up.
• The Cliffhanger ending: at the very end of the episode, the trio are proceeding through the cave, laughing at Wade, when a second Armsy suddenly runs around the corner right in front of Mark, prompting a horrified "OH GOD!" Mood Whiplash doesn't quite do the moment justice.

DYNAMITE FIXES EVERYTHING

• The trio's reaction to the aforementioned Jump Scare: Wade screams in terror, Bob stammers that he would like to close the doors, and Mark... doubles over like he's having a heart attack. After recovering, he declares the moment one of the scariest things that's ever happened to him in a horror game, which says a lot considering how many he's played in his career.
• Mark repeatedly getting ambushed by the Armsy while trying to take it down with dynamite. Even this grizzled veteran of horror games is not immune to the stress of fighting Humanoid Abominations in dark caves. Also, his incredulous reaction whenever a stick of dynamite fails to kill it.
• While fighting a cannibal in another cave, Mark and Wade knock it on its back, and then Bob jumps down from above with a killing blow. The way the scene is edited, it looks like Bob killed it by stomping on its crotch from above.
  Bob: ...That wasn't my best move.
• Mark throws his upgraded spear at a cannibal on a hilltop, only for said cannibal to unexpectedly dodge it while fighting Bob and Wade. Mark has to walk a good two hundred meters to find it again, all while Bob and Wade laugh at him as they finish off the rest of the cannibals.
• Bob saying "We should go in the hole, they're coming!"

WHERE WE SHOULDN'T BE...

• After they find a compass in a new cave, Wade starts making increasingly-forced compass puns, with predictable reactions from Mark and Bob.
• Bob and Wade trolling Mark by claiming there's a gun hidden somewhere in the cave, specifically at the bottom of a deep, dark crevice full of water. Mark jumps in, and then immediately panics and bails.
• When the trio encounter a Cowman topside, they take a moment to admire its enormous ass before engaging it.

BEGINNING OF THE END

• Fighting cannibals and mutants becomes significantly easier once the trio realize they can just lure them into deep water to drown them.

THE BOTTOM OF THE SINKHOLE

• While fighting yet another Armsy, Mark throws a Molotov at it, but his aim is so bad that it explodes in his face and ignites him, Bob, and Wade instead.
• Unwilling to figure out the correct way to enter the sinkhole, the trio decides to just parkour down the rockface. They actually make it.

THE END...?

• While exploring the Sahara facility and witnessing the gruesome Body Horror victims, Bob suddenly has to leave to throw up. He says the timing was coincidental, but still, it's quite a funny and in-character moment.
• When the group finds Timmy dead inside the Iron Maiden, Mark is the one who gets the "grief-stricken parent" cutscene, despite Bob's character being Timmy's in-game father. The trio laugh at this throughout the cutscene, which kinda dilutes its tragedy.
• The trio learns that they need to sacrifice someone to the iron maiden to resurrect Timmy. Bob and Wade immediately volunteer Mark, who refuses profusely. Then they realize the game wants them to use Megan, the Creepy Child whose notes and drawings they've been finding, and become quite eager to hunt her down.
  Mark: I'm gonna go shove this cursed child in a big iron maiden, and I'm not gonna feel bad about it in any way, shape, or form.
• After Megan fails to bring back Timmy, they realize they have a Sadistic Choice to either let Timmy go, or shoot down another plane to find a living child. Wade argues for the former and Mark the latter, leaving Bob with the tie-breaking vote...
  Bob: Look, one of them's in first class. That one deserves it. One of 'em's in the bathroom, they're not doing so well. And one of 'em has an exit row seat... Nah, these people are douches, I think we should take it down.

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