Funny / Love and Death

• All of the conversations between Boris and Sonja.
  Sonja: Boris.
  Boris: Yes?
  Sonja: I have a confession to make. Ever since you and I were little children, I've been in love with your brother Ivan.
  Boris: [smugly] It's only nat... [Double Take] Ivan? You're kidding! He can barely write his name in the ground with a stick.
  Sonja: He has true animal magnetism.
  Boris: All that talk about some perfect love and you're hot for Ivan?
  Sonja: He kissed me.
  Boris: Any place I should know?
  Sonja: It warmed the cockles of my heart.
  Boris: Great. Nothing like hot cockles.
  Sonja: I think he's going to propose to me.
  Boris: But he's a gambler and a drinker, with a Neanderthal mentality. I mean, I love him like a brother. Just not one of mine.
• After the Count has Glove Slapped Boris for having sex with his wife:
  Count: You have insulted the Countess' honor.
  Boris: Why? I let her finish first.