Funny / Freelance Astronauts

Majora's Mask

• Chapter 2-5. After spending almost 10 minutes trying to navigate the platforms and get past the fire puzzle to reach the boss door, Maxwell realizes that he went through all this without getting the boss key first. As he dives back into the water below to backtrack Link ends up faceplanting into the only platform in the pool.
• Canada and Australia in a buddy cop movie.
• Playing "I Would Do Anything For Love" by Meat Loaf over the end of the world, which syncs up incredibly well.
• Ferr and Evek's utter lapse of sanity at the tedium of the Oceanside Spider House.
• Maxwell getting seemingly pissed off about the lack of nudity in an ongoing hentai LP (this was before those were banned on SA).
  Doomisland: Go read the Hentai Let's Play.
  Maxwell: I've been reading that but there's been no porn yet.
• Chapter 8-1: the commentators begins discussing mummies as if they're a bad group that troubled kids could fall into. Ferr suggests forming a rap group to get the word out.
  Ferr: Hey kids, we're here today to talk about the dangers of hanging around with mummies. (Evek chuckles, pipes! begins beatboxing)
  Evek: This isn't an after-school special.
  Ferr: I had a full scholarship to college, until I fell in with the mummy crowd. (more chuckles from the others) I lost my job, I lost my house, I lost my girlfriend... and for what? To wrap myself up in bandages and hang around behind the mall?
  pipes!: Yo man, you are out of step with Imhotep!
  (everyone laughs for nearly half a minute)
  pipes!: Don't do drugs!
• Link getting gang-raped by zombies. He goes from a full twelve hearts to one and a half in the span of about 20 seconds. (Spoilered for those who don't find these jokes very funny.)
  Evek: (after several seconds of everyone laughing) They're lining up! (laughter)
  doomisland: Gang-bang~
  Maxwell: (playing) No! No! No!
  Evek: They're all lining up to take turns on ya—
  doomisland: YES! Point-of-view shot!
  Maxwell: (various sounds of frustration) This is horrible!
  Ferr: You now have Hepatitis-C, gonorrhea, AIDS—
  pipes!: You'll never know who the mummy-father is!
  (Everyone laughs)
  Ferr: ...herpes...
  (Link flees and gets to safety; he's panting and barely clinging to life. Everyone else laughs more.)
  Maxwell: Okay, I got the mask on.
  Evek: Oh, god! The horror!
  pipes!: The psychological damage has already been done!
  Ferr: There's a women's shelter down the street, Link. (raucous laughter) Look at him, he's sobbing in shame! Fluids dripping out of every orifice...
  pipes!: You'll be pulling bandages out of your ass for a week!
• Maxwell letting us know he's going to fuck her gently.
  • It starts at about 7:30, for inquiring minds.
• In Chapter 3-6, Ferr does his JFK impression while pipes! channels Woody Allen. Hilarity Ensues.
• Ferr and Pipes! imitating a typical husband and angry wife who kicks him out of the house.
• In Chapter 3-2, Ferr has a half-minute impromptu jam session of random sounds and gibberish that eventually culminates in a hoedown. Maxwell's reaction to it is merely the icing on the cake.
• Eventually, when Ferr, Evek, and doomisland, or pipes!, get together they start saying any red text aloud which gets pretty damn funny.
  Maxwell: My neighbors are gonna think I'm starting the weirdest cult...
• In Ikana Canyon, in Chapter 3-4, SB/MA finds a suspicious-looking circle of rocks, and whips out a Bomb in an attempt to uncover whatever secret might be there... only to be promptly assaulted by a Bombchu.
  pipes!: (amid much laughter from Ferr, Evek and Doomisland) Somewhere a druid is sobbing into his pillow.

Master Quest

• The Astronauts' LP of Zelda Master Quest is very funny in its own right, but particularly so during the Jabu-Jabu dungeon, which, I'll remind you, is inside the stomach of a giant fish. Highlights include Maxwell freaking out over the cows embedded in the stomach walls that act as switches, Pipes! trying to gross everybody out, and all four of the Astronauts reaction to Princess Ruto wanting to marry Link.
  Maxwell: Why were the blushing marks necessary? Or that camera angle?
  pipes!: She's in looooove with you. She's gonna lay some eggs in a pond of shallow water, and you're expected to...
  Evek: Swim over them?
  pipes!: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take six trillion showers.
  Maxwell: We really don't need bedroom eyes on a twelve-year-old character, thanks.
  pipes!: Oh, Japan.
  Evek: Japan!
  Ferr: Glorious Nippon.
  Ruto: You mean the Spiritual Stone of Water, Zora's Sapphire, don't you?
  Maxwell: Yeah, just give it to me.
  pipes!: No, not that way.
  Ruto: [...] You might call it the Zora's Engagement Ring!
  Evek: Ohhhhh God!
  pipes!: Zelda, you better be worth it. I married a fish for you. A FISH!
  Ferr: Maybe she's into three-ways...
  Maxwell: If this fish marriage goes through, I'm going totally Henry VIII on this.
  pipes!: So you're gonna decapitate her? Gill it, scale it...
  Ferr: ...and eat her with chips.
  Maxwell: (hurrying through text) Yeah, it's a thing, I got it.
  pipes!: You win and yet, you lose.
  Her most precious possession? You don't know what she's talking about, but-
  Maxwell: She's referring to her virginity, game, that's what she's talking about.
  Evek: Oh God! Oh God!
  pipes!: Her fish virginity.
  Ruto: Please don't tell my father...
  All four Astronauts collectively groan
  Pipes!: Con-su-mate! Con-su-mate!
  Evek: I hate you, Japan!
  Ferr: She's going to be all flopping around...
• First thing they do after arriving in the future? Spend several minutes admiring Sheik's tight ass.
  • And then later, when Sheik is referred to as a male in-game:
  Ferr: Huh. Well, maybe everyone was tricked, okay? ..I'm not gay.
• After finally beating the Forest Temple,
  "HI THERE! I'M THE DEKU SPROUT! I BREATHE YOUR OUT-BREATHE! I'M MADE OUT OF BARK! I LIVE WHERE MY ROOTS ARE!"
• Pipes! referring to "The invisible walls you can't touch". Very Zen, very unintentionally funny.
  Maxwell: Also, there's gonna be plenty of invisible walls that you can run through.
  Pipes: Oh good.
  Ferr: But then... wouldn't that make them not walls?
  Maxwell: Wait...
  Pipes: Invisible walls surrounding me at all times!
  Ferr: Except I can walk through them.
  Pipes: That would be a delightful kind of crazy.
  • Everything involving the aforementioned walls. It's not until well into the Spirit Temple that Maxwell catches a break.
  Ferr: I don't know where I'm going, but I'm making great time!
  [Lunk gets thrown backwards a la Skulltula]
  Pipes: What just happened?
  Maxwell: Invisible spider. Right there.
  Pipes: Oh my god, all that crazy was true!
  Ferr: Quick, hide behind the invisible wall that you can walk through!
  • On wall location:
  Maxwell: I get the feeling that there's a wall you can walk through...
  Evek: But it's visible.
  Ferr: And it's solid.
  Pipes: How do you get that feeling? Do you get hungry or sad? Tired?
  Ferr: Gassy?
  • Right after the Dead Hand fight, this comes back in an interesting way.
  Maxwell: They hid the key over here. I'm impressed by what a jerky move that was.
  Pipes: See, this dungeon's all about false preconceptions.
  Evek: And invisible floors.
  Maxwell: And cows in the walls.
  Ferr: And invisible walls. And invisible cows.
  Maxwell: I'd like to see an invisible cow. Sounds cool.
  [The others crack up]
  • Occasionally they get distracted by the dungeon map...
  Pipes: You know what this dungeon map looks like? A big old freak hand that's reaching out and touching you even though you're not getting touched.
  Ferr: It looks more like a guy with no body falling backwards.
  Maxwell: You mean a guy with no head.
  Ferr: Well I guess it could go either way.
  Pipes: No, he has a body, but the body's invisible. You can't see it.
  Ferr: No, it's just his head... but his arms and legs are growing out of his head.
  • And last, but not least, the collective reaction when Maxwell explains one of the many thrilling puzzles in the Spirit Temple.
  Ferr: As opposed to the intuitive puzzles in this game, which include burning zombies and mummies, which don't actually solve the puzzle because you already solved the puzzle.
  Maxwell: ...yeah.
  Evek: And invisible walls that you can walk through.
  Pipes: Which don't actually exist.
• The Master Quest ending.
• Or after learning the Prelude of Light, 5 minutes of horrible puns ensue, each and every one followed by a dull thump as Ferr gets punched for them over and over.
  We've reached peak pun.
  Well, I'm gonna continue anyway because I'm a punk. *punch* Oww!
  I'm sorry I'm not a fan of - slapstick. *punch* Owwww! *others start laughing*
  I find your enforcement rather - heavy-handed. *punch/laughing* Owwww, damnit!
  I'm sorry I don't appreciate your - punch-line! *multi-punch* God damn it!
  You really bruised my ego! *laughing and punching* Oh, now it really hurts! *hysterical laughter* Yeaaaaah!
  • Which episode of the LP is this? I can't seem to find it.
    • Episode 37. Ferr begins the punning quite early on, but it really kicks into high gear starting from 5:40 and then just snowballs.
    • In this video as well.
• While wandering around the Forest Temple with no clue where they're meant to be going:
  This is like an insight into your future with Alzheimer's.
  • Doesn't help they sequence broke it.
• In the Forest Temple, after making NO progress for all too long a time, Maxwell finds a key. Cue Ferr (13:19).
  Ferr: * With the Item Get Jingle* HOLY FUCK A KEY!
  • Earlier, when little Lunk is running through Kakariko and picks up a Cucco, there's a sudden shout of (and to the tune of the Item Get jingle) "YOU GOT A COOOOOOOOOCK!" causing everyone else to laugh riotously.
  Maxwell: I'm gonna get some heart pieces while playing through this, so I'm gonna do the thing where you find all the roosters.
  pipes!: So you're going on a quest for cocks? (everyone starts alternately laughing or making rooster noises) If there's one thing Maxwell loves doing, it's...
  Ferr: ...patrolling for cocks. (more laughter)
  Evek: Oh, we're not subtle at all, are we?
  Ferr: Not subtle at all, is it, Steve?
• The many deaths of Link Lunk in the Spirit Temple as Maxwell keeps falling into the pit. Over and over.
• Late into the first quarter or so of the LP, while they were staying up all night trying to race to see if they could beat the game before the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Hilarity ensues with sleep deprived babbling and signs of insanity as our four heroes try desperately to stay awake.
• ANOTHER Forest Temple one, when fighting the 2nd Poe sister, they play a certain song (1:08). Link ain't 'fraid of no ghosts!
• One in the Spirit Temple; wherein he keeps sending Link Lunk right into the middle hole over four times in a row (due to controller problems). Then, later he gets the block in place and jumps down the hole again, just after save-stating in the file, causing this interchange:
  Maxwell: State save... that button works... (Lunk takes a plunge down a pit)
  Ferr: And thank God for that!
• Maxwell's accidental Freudian slip causes pipes! to go on a tangent:
  Maxwell: I think I like that final solution better than—
  pipes!: WHAT?! EXCUSE ME? The what solution?!
  Maxwell: ...Final? [Beat] Ohhh... (starts laughing)
  pipes!: So I see what you're doing! These blocks are gonna be a CONCENTRATION CAMP, is that what you're trying to say? You're gonna take all the little forest FAIRIES and put them in a little concentration...
  Maxwell: ...castle...
  pipes!: ...that is part of your final...
  Ferr: ...solution. We need disk two of Fellowship (The Lord of the Rings trilogy was playing in the background).
  pipes!: Uh-huh. Third Reich; second disk. I see what you're saying.
• Ferr somehow gets Red Bull in his eyes.
  Ferr: (anguished mumbling)
  Maxwell: Why are you—
  (pipes! laughs hysterically)
  Maxwell: ...did you just shove the Red Bull can into your eye?
  pipes!: Did you get splashback into your eye?
  Ferr: (anguished) YES! OW! (whimpers) OW~! How does that even happen?!
  pipes!: (through laughter) How many fingers am I holding up? How many?
  Ferr: I don't know; my eye is darting all over the place. It's bursting with energy. It's trying to fly away!
• Maxwell has one heart arriving at Hyrule Castle for the first time. After cutting down shrubbery to find life ASAP and getting only Deku Nuts:
  Maxwell: Oh, come on, shrubbery!
  pipes!: Get the nuts.
  Ferr: Gave you nuts.
  Evek: Get the nuts!
  Maxwell: I already have 40 nuts!
  *group bursts into laughter*
  Ferr: That's a lotta nuts!
• Whenever Ferr and Pipes! imitate an awkward encounter between Link and Zelda/Any other character.
• The scene where they play Saria's song for Darunia:
  pipes!: Everybody dance now!
• "Hark! I hear the call of cock!"
• Planning to hijack a Boston Revolutionary War themed tour with costumed guides. ^note \ by either: Dressing as Redcoats and trying to arrest them, dressing like they're from the future and talking about future Boston, or dressing like Revolutionary War people and acting like they work there, getting riled up and throwing tea in the harbor, or pretending they're loyalists and attacking.
• "IT WASN'T A ROCK...IT WAS A ROCK LOBSTER!"
• This Overused Running Gag from the Dodongo's Cavern:
  Maxwell: [Sighs] Give me snacks.
  Ferr: Cookies or candy?
  Maxwell: All.
  Ferr: Chicken or fish?
  Pipes: Cigars or cigarettes?
  Evek: Soup or salad?
  Pipes: Paper or plastic?
  Ferr: House or Caesar?
  Pipes: It's never lupus!
  Ferr: Et tu, House?
  Pipes: It's never Brutus!
  • Shortly afterwards, while Maxwell is eating one of the aforementioned cookies, he finally gets past the puzzle that's been annoying him all the time, and finds a chest... with 5 rupees in it. His resultant annoyed grunt with a mouth full of cookie gets taken the wrong way by Ferr and Pipes.
  Game: *Small victory theme*
  Maxwell: *annoyed, mouth full of cookie* Mmf! Mm...
  Ferr: *as Maxwell* "That was a good cookie."
  Pipes: *also as Maxwell* "Oh god, I need a cigarette."
• The Astronauts on Cowswitches:
  Maxwell: —because we think it's actually awesome... Why is there a cow in the wall?
  Pipes: Teleportation accident.
  Evek: Ummmm... okay.
  Pipes: 'Kill meeeee!'
  Ferr: Cow 37, partial success.
  Maxwell: There's another one!
  ...
  Maxwell: [To Navi] Tell me something that makes me understand this.
  Navi: What's that?
  Maxwell: No. That doesn't help.
  Pipes: Navi's like 'I don't know!' Navi doesn't know what the fuck.
  • Later, when they try to figure out what purpose the cows could serve— apart from unlocking stuff
  Maxwell: Hey, look! It's a cow in the wall!
  Pipes: Tell me how that makes any amount of logical sense.
  Maxwell: Well, maybe if he's been eating cows...
  Ferr: Then they implant themselves into your intestinal wall?
  Maxwell: Maybe it's like a symbiotic relationship. They help him digest with their many stomachs.
  Pipes: ADD YOUR STOMACHS TO MY OWN. We will be complete!
  • The impromptu cow singalong.
  [A cow moos]
  Maxwell: No! No, don't moo!
  Pipes: They're signaling to the other cows.
  • SURPRISE!
  • Pipes having a minor meltdown over the cows.
  Pipes: If you're a game designer, does jumping into a whale to break a rock to reveal a cow embedded in a wall of meat... [Maxwell starts laughing] is that a logical... a logical thing?
  • Maxwell gradually getting disturbingly comfortable with the cow heads.
  Maxwell: [Sighs] Whose idea was it to put cows in the walls?
  Maxwell: [Shoots a switch]What's up with you, cow head? [Treasure chest falls] Okay. What else? [Shoots again, nothing happens] Fine. I'll just get out of this horrible room now.
  • And even later in Hyrule Field...
  [Something moos]
  Maxwell: Oh, there's a cow buried underneath one of these rocks.
  Pipes: You know, after finishing that dungeon, I can accept that as a distinct possibility.
  Ferr: It's a ground cow!
  Maxwell: Well you've seen wall cows. Why not ground cows?
  Ferr: It's the rare, burrowing south-western cow.
  Maxwell: It's not that different from ground beef.
  [Groans all around]
  Ferr: Well played.
  Maxwell: I know it's well played, but I already regret saying it.
• Even ignoring the cows, there are plenty of memorable moments from Jabu Jabu's stomach.
  Maxwell: Is that something I can climb on?
  Ferr: Mom! Mom! Can I climb it?
  Pipes: You don't know where it's been.
  ...
  Maxwell: This is actually the kind of dungeon dynamic that I don't care for.
  Pipes: Digesting?
  • The entire discussion about the former hockey theme:
  Ferr: Do you know what happened to the old one? The old hockey theme?
  Maxwell: Um... it was attacked by beavers?
  Ferr: Yeah, well they decided to change it but then Stephen Colbert bought the rights to it. [Everyone starts laughing]
  Pipes: What?
  [With every sentence, the laughter gets louder]
  Ferr: He was playing it on his show while waving an American flag and a gun around. And eating a hotdog. Just to piss off Canadians.
  Pipes: That's amazing.
  Ferr: It's like 'That's right, Canada! I bought your beloved hockey theme!'
  Pipes: That man can do no wrong.
  • Maxwell's plans for the future.
  Maxwell: I'm really waiting for the day when you, like, introduce the lady that you proposed to so that I can suggest that she's marrying beneath herself.
  Ferr: Saving up for that date.
  Pipes: That's nice to know. The backbone of our friendship. 'This is my friend Maxwell. He has something very important to tell you.'
  Ferr: And then he'd freeze up because he's been waiting for so long. 'Oh god, oh god... I'm sure you'll be very happy together! DAMN IT!'
  • The commentary relating to the boomerang's effectiveness.
  Ferr: The boomerang can cut through meat but it can't go through spider web?
  Maxwell: Precisely.
  Pipes: Hey, spider silk is like steel. You know what isn't like steel? Meat.
• There are a lot of inane comments in the Deku Tree, too, even before the madness kicks in.
  Pipes: Here's your reward, boy! Your eternal reward!
  Ferr: Was that an Aladdin joke? You just watch that?
  Pipes: No.
  Maxwell: He's just committed it to memory ten years ago.
  Pipes: The parallels are pretty good. He's a little orphan boy in a city where he's the odd duck out and he's entering a cave to find treasure. Then he's going to rescue a fucking princess.
  Ferr: But it... does not have the voice talents of Robin Williams.
  pipes!: Actually, he did Navi. Little known fact.
  Ferr: (as Robin Williams playing Navi) Hey, I'm a fairy! Speaking of fairies, what's the deal with American Idol?
  • Evek grumbling about the slingshot (which, coincidentally, is right after the above)
  Evek: "Fairy slingshot"... can't even make it manly.
  pipes!: What would it shoot? Steak?
  Evek: Yes.
  Ferr: Flaming monster trucks.
  • A bit of Black Humor concerning the Gohma larvae.
  Pipes: I love that when you shoot them when they're still in their eggs, they make the 'cancel' noise.
  • Maxwell improvising when it comes to the last three Deku (and repeatedly failing).
  Pipes: I like that they've activated their alarm system.
  Ferr: Please step away from the Deku!
  • It's included in the highlights video, but this exchange is great, too:
  Ferr: Their creation myth looks like my breakfast. Cereal going into milk.
  Pipes: The hills and valleys of Whole Nut Crunch. So it is written...
  Evek: So how it shall taste.
  Pipes: See? She poured her wisdom into the milk.
  Ferr: In the beginning, the earth was without form and void and the face of God moved on the milk and said "Let there be cereal!" And there was cereal and yea, it was crunchy... and God saw that it was good.
  • And, finally, Maxwell noting that the challenges he's set for Evek and Pipes ^note  Not asking questions and keeping Evek from asking questions, respectively haven't been going well.
  Maxwell: I noticed that you two are not really holding up your challenges, though.
  Ferr: I'm doing good!
  Evek: That's 'cause there hasn't been a horse yet!

  • Pipes eventually does (briefly) start enforcing Evek's challenge, by hitting him when he asks a question. Except the one time when Evek blocked a punch with a box of cookies.

  Pipes: NOOOO!! Why do we always hurt the ones we love?!

  • And later, he gets inventive:

  (a loud slap is heard, followed by Evek shouting in disgust)

  Maxwell: ...I don't know what you just did, but that was obviously the right way to do it.

  Evek: (anguished) He stuck his hand down his pants!

  pipes!: ...and then slapped you.

  Ferr: He gave him a ballsweat-slap.

  (Maxwell laughs approvingly)

  • Hell, when the challenges are first given is funny too.

  Maxwell: Ferr, your challenge is to not make the farting sound when I use the carrots on the horse.
  Ferr: Oh, you bastard.
• The conversation sparked from Maxwell's explanation of the Minish/why there's stuff in Hyrule's shrubbery.
  Pipes: That's stupid. I'm gonna pretend I never heard that.
  Ferr: It's like midichlorians.
  Pipes: So in Castlevania, how does, like, meat get inside of candelabras?
  Maxwell: ...uh... playful meat ghosts.
  The group laughs.
  Pipes: (in a ghostly voice) Pooooooooork loooooooin!
  Ferr: I am the Ghost of Hams Past.
  Evek: Rib roast!
• The exploration of Kakariko Village nets us a few gems, as well:
  Ferr: Did I just miss a ton of old people jokes, 'cause, I think that guy was complaining about young people?
  Maxwell: Yes.
  Ferr: You kids these days don't know how it was when we didn't have... any... of you. And the bread was stale!
  • The Windmill Hut:
  Ferr: What's going on inside [Guru Guru's] box? He looks pretty happy about it...
  ...
  Maxwell: [Running in circles in the windmill hut] This is the Hyrulean space program testing.
  Evek: So what's the Hyrulean rocket? A crate with a bunch of dynamite under it?
  Ferr: No, you just wait for the moon to come to you.
  • And this exchange, as Maxwell tries to round up the cuccos.
  pipes!: The woman's like 'What the fuck?'
  Ferr: Well, she can see your cock. You're just running around with it flapping all over the place.
• Dealings with Kaepora Gaebora:
  Maxwell: Who wants to get me a can of Coke? I have to stay here and press the 'A' button repeatedly. It's the only way to make the owl shut up.
  Pipes: I will. [Leaves]
  Evek: I want to see what happens when you press the 'yes' button.
  Ferr: Don't!
  Maxwell: It tells you everything again.
  Ferr: It does exactly what you'd expect.
  Maxwell: [to Pipes] Also, carry it to me with the hand that didn't go down your pants.
• Maxwell explains that the sages are named after towns from Zelda II: The Adventure of Link:
  Ferr: Link town?
  Evek: Lunk town.
  Pipes: Welcome to Ganon-ville, a wonderful place to start a family.
  Ferr: Voted best medium-sized town in Hyrule three years in a row.
• Evek the philosopher strikes again.
  Maxwell: [On the way to Medigoron's shop] Oh, come on! Who put all these walls here?
  Evek: Gorons.
• Maxwell, early in Dodongo's Cavern, mentions that his dad once programmed a bootleg version of Reader Rabbit, leading pipes! and Ferr to jokingly suggest that their dads, respectively, programmed a bootleg Photoshop, and was Andrew Ryan.
  Evek: That's nothing to be proud of.
  Ferr: Nah, I killed him.
  Evek: Oh, okay.
  Maxwell: (referring to a pillar raising and lowering itself in-game) I knew as soon as I jumped the pillar was going to shoot, right up into the ceiling.
  Ferr: (pause) That's what she said?
  pipes!: (Andrew Ryan-esque voice) Is a man not entitled...
  Ferr: ... to the growth of his pillar?
  pipes!: No, says the saltpeter! (laughter from the others)
  Ferr: No, says the man in the Vatican. (even more laughter)
• Don't worry, the explosion propelled you to safety.
  Ferr: The very definition of failure.
  • Further into the Dodongo's Cavern, Maxwell gets creative in his problem solving.
  Maxwell: [On top of a rising block] I'm on this. Now what happens?
  Pipes: You're king of all—
  Ferr: I'm gonna go stand on random objects and announce that to anyone who's around me.
  Evek: That you're the king of everything, or..?
  Ferr: No. I'll walk into that gazebo in the park over there and just be like 'I'm on this! What happens now?'

  • Likewise...
  Ferr: [In response to Maxwell swinging the sword at a locked door] Maybe if you punch in the security code.
  Pipes: Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk!
  • Maxwell tuning into the movie in the background.
  Maxwell: So they start the movie with Gollum now?
  Ferr: The movie started, like, 20 minutes ago.
  Pipes: Where have you been?
  Maxwell: Hell.
  • The Astronauts snarking at Navi's expense after a Dinolfos attacks.
  Maxwell: Eh...
  Navi: Watch out!
  [Beat]
  Pipes: Thanks, Navi. That's really handy.
  Ferr: There's a seven foot lizard in front of you. Watch out.
  • And this exchange, which barely even makes sense in context.
  Ferr: I've thought good and hard about how to build powered rollerskates, and someday I will do it.
  [Beat]
  Maxwell: Power gorilla skates?
  Ferr: What?
  Maxwell: That's what I heard.
• Maxwell blundering around Hyrule Marketplace in search of the Happy Mask Shop.
  Maxwell: [Enters the bazaar] [Beat] This isn't the mask shop!
  Evek: You're the one who went in there!
  Pipes: You just did the equivalent of walking into Sears and saying 'This isn't the Cheesecake Factory!'
• Everybody poking fun at the Zelda series' tendency to hide stuff underneath graves.
  Maxwell: It's like, 'Yeah, you can have my estate, but first you must move my grave and press the switch underneath.'
  ...
  Maxwell: As long as I'm here I might as well start desecrating!
  Pipes: Those graves aren't going to desecrate themselves.
  Maxwell: Uh... somehow there's a treasure chest [under the grave]
  Pipes: There's a little spring underneath the treasure chest. As soon as you press it it's like 'Boi-oi-oing!'
  • Shortly after the above, Pipes starts shouting out.
  Pipes: We've got a full bag of bombs, half a pack of deku sticks, it's dark out and we're wearing sunglasses.
• Maxwell attempting to get the piece of heart from the vase in Goron City. For awhile, the conversation just devolves into random utterances, before picking back up.
  Maxwell: Okay, new strategy: aiming!
  Ferr: You're mad!
  Pipes: Aiming is for suckers!
  [Maxwell throws the bomb]
  Maxwell: Did that go in?
  Ferr: Yup. Apparently aiming works.
  Pipes: Suckers and chumps.
  • One of the 'random utterances' was also worth a chuckle:
  Maxwell: Wheel of Goron, turn, turn, turn...
• This exchange from early in Jabu Jabu's stomach:
  Maxwell: Uvulas do not hover under their own power.
  Pipes: Mine does.
• The ending of episode 17:
  Ferr: Save the video! Save the video! Oh my god! Saveitsaveitsaveitsave—
• Someone mentioned the "window into your future with Alheimers" bit earlier on, but the tangent that Ferr and Pipes go off onto is hilarious, too:
  Pipes: It's like a window into your future with Alheimers. 'I don't know which part of the dungeon I'm in! Are you Link?'
  Ferr: This is what you're gonna be seeing, but you'll actually be punching orderlies in nursing homes.
  Pipes: [As an old man] 'Are you the princess?'
  Ferr: [As an old man] 'Stay back skulltula! Feel the wrath of my hookshot!'
  Pipes: [As a nurse] 'Put down the pudding spoon!'
• Maxwell accidentally using Din's Fire when he meant to use the Lon Lon Milk:
  Maxwell: Oh yeah. Milk is five hearts, so I might as well drink milk. [Accidentally uses Din's Fire] Well that's not the button!
  Pipes: DRINKIIIIIIIIIING! MILK!
• Maxwell griping about the repetitive Poe battles in the Forest Temple.
  Maxwell: That last puzzle was so great, it's time to do the exact thing again. [Pulls out the bow and Joelle warps to another painting]
  Pipes: What did we learn?!
  Maxwell: ...Nothing.
  • Right after that, Maxwell shoots her painting.
  Pipes: Bam! Right in the art!
• This is definitely one of the Forest Temple's highlights
  Maxwell: Is there a fire anywhere in this room?
  Pipes: (Beat) In my heart.
• Pipes and Ferr acting like the basement of the Forest Temple is a carnival game.
  Pipes: Round and round and round the dungeon goes! Where it stops, nobody knows! One dime is all it takes to riiiide the dungeon! You there, sir!
  Ferr: Me?
  Pipes: Yes, you, sir! You look like a strapping young lad—
  Ferr: Why yes, I do have straps!
• Similar to the above, Pipes and Ferr having a conversation about proper dungeon-keeping and getting distracted.
  Pipes: Just once I'd like to go into a dungeon where they keep the boss key under the mat.
  Ferr: Or above the door frame. Or under a fake rock.
  Pipes: It wasn't a fake rock!
  Ferr: It was a fake rock lobster!
• Maxwell getting himself stuck in the Fire Temple's maze.
  Maxwell: This is like every maze, though. You can solve it by constantly turning right. [Turns right, runs straight into a fire wall.]
  [After this goes on for several minutes]
  Pipes: This is the dungeon equivalent of turning around and walking into a rake.
• After giving up on Master Quest for the night/morning, Maxwell starts to catch us up to speed:
  Maxwell: I seem to have opened up this shortcut here. I seem to be taking it.
  Evek: So when did you get the upgrade to the purse?
  Maxwell: I did that... when you were watching it happen.
• I saw that, game!
  Evek: Just grab it! Run through! [Lunk does so, displaying the hard-won key]
  Ferr: Get out of there! No! Don't celebrate! No! What are you doing? [In-scene, the platform falls down on him] Oh, Link... Why would you do a thing like that?
• When they abandon the Fire Temple (the first time) and head on to the Water Temple instead. Maxwell tries to use an item underwater, prompting the 'can't do that' noise.
  Evek: Did Link just cut one, or what?
  Ferr: Judging from the number of bubbles, I'd say yes.
  [Maxwell presses the button several more times in quick succession]
• Every time they start making up song names. Examples include:
  Pipes: Song of Time?
  Maxwell: I tried that already.
  Pipes: Song of Brine?
  Ferr: Song of Slime?
  Pipes: Song of Fine?
  Ferr: Song of Rhyme!
  Ferr: Play the Song of... What-the-Hell.
  Maxwell: [Stands on the (full) well, playing the Sun's Song] Why do I think this works?
  Ferr: Is that the Song of Sinking?
  Maxwell: Wait... this is the time song. I don't want that.
  Ferr: Maybe you should play some heavy metal.
  Pipes: Play the Song of Something Else.
  Ferr: Song of Shit! Song of Failure! Song of State-load!
  Maxwell: That little handle thing is sort of sticking out there.
  Ferr: I totally get that.
  Evek: Hookshot, maybe?
  Ferr: Oven mitt.
  Maxwell: Equip oven mitt.
  Ferr: Song of Oven Mitt! Song of Asbestos!
  Evek: Asbestos gives you lung cancer.
  Ferr: I thought it was 'Asbestos gives you wings'
  Evek: [Beat] If you die from it.
• Back in the Fire Temple— after a brief stint in the Water Temple— the astronauts find themselves at a (seemingly) dead end. At this point, Maxwell has resorted to trying to open the way with everything from the hammer to Epona's Song.
  Pipes: Let me guess— you have to go to another dungeon, press a switch, and then come back to this dungeon.
  Ferr: You have to go to another game.
• Just a few minutes into episode 39, you can tell there's some sanity slippage going on. Between Ferr's punning, Maxwell's increasingly desperate (and bizarre) plans, and Pipes' ramblings, it's absolutely hilarious
  Pipes: [In the background, muttering] Clunk, blunk, my name is Lunk~
  • Then it gets worse/better. They speed the video up and start quoting Faces of Evil in stereo.
• The mysterious fate of Maxwell's Old Chair.
  Pipes: What happened to your old chair?
  Maxwell: I dunno.
  [Everyone cracks up]
  Pipes: You left the door open and it made its escape!
  Ferr: Come back, chair! Come back!
  Pipes: [As the chair] No more! I'm finally free!
  Ferr: [As the chair] I've seen things man!
• The epic failure of the cucco sacrifice, prior to the Bottom of the Well.
  Evek: Throw a chicken down the well.
  Pipes: Exactly. We must make a sacrifice.
  [Lunk throws the Cucco over the well]
  Ferr: You missed!
  Pipes: THE GODS ARE ANGRY!
  [Lunk falls in the well]
  Ferr: Chickens sacrifice you!
  Pipes: That chicken has been rejected by the powers that be.
  [Lunk throws the cucco again. It lands on the beam above the well]
• As soon as they get to the Bottom of the Well, Ferr immediately starts questioning it.
  Ferr: Shouldn't everything in here be dead because it was underwater thirty seconds ago?
  Maxwell: It's zombies.
  Pipes: Undead.
  Ferr: ... and shouldn't all the water have tasted like zombie... pieces?
  • Right after that, Maxwell attempts to stun a Redead with limited success.
  Maxwell: [Throws the boomerang at a Redead repeatedly] This is probably not improving my relationship with the zombie.
  Pipes: He only lives to hump you. [Beat] Or... he only un-lives to hump you.
  [Lunk gets screamed at by the redead]
  Maxwell: No! Boomerang! No! No!
  Pipes: THE TIME OF MOLESTATION IS UPON YOU!
  • Ferr and Evek trying to help Maxwell solve a puzzle.
  Maxwell: Yeah, I gotta drain the water and crawl through that hole down there. It'll be fun.
  Ferr: Drink it all.
  Evek: Drink it!
  Maxwell: It tastes like zombies. I don't wanna.
  Ferr: You said it didn't taste like zombies!
  • Ferr's advice on dungeon decor.
  Ferr: You know what this dungeon needs?
  Pipes: A makeover.
  Ferr: I was gonna say 'cows in the walls' but... that could be part of it too.
  • Why is this working? This isn't actually supposed to work!
  • The last room in the Well, particularly the moment when Maxwell activates the last Gibdo and the fact that there wasn't actually anything to do in that room. At all.
  Maxwell: I'm... okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.
  • That's a mummy butt.
• One of the worse traps in the Spirit Temple:
  Maxwell: Why is it playing scary music? Why...? [Pans camera up to a Like Like] Oh! Why!? Whyyyyy?
  Evek: Uh... what?
  Ferr: There's a throbbing mass above your head.
  Maxwell: [Beat] I see that.
  • Problem solving in the Spirit Temple:
  Pipes: Can you put the little block on the big block, then play the Song of Time to bring the big block up here?
  Maxwell: That sounds ridiculous, so it's probably right.
  • Pipes getting exasperated by the magical land of Hylia.
  Maxwell: Eh... there's gotta be magic somewhere.
  Pipes: [Scoffs] It's inside you.
• More nut-related humor as Deku Nuts fall off a platform.
  Pipes: Oh! Nuts lost!
  Ferr: Your nuts fell again!
  Pipes: Nuts down! Nuts down!
• Maxwell calling Kaepora Gaebora out.
  Maxwell: How can it be a legend if it's happening right now and also in the future? That's the opposite of a legend.
  Pipes: It is happening now and in the future! Thousands of years ago!
• The entire bonus episode from the Spirit Temple— the Pet Jenga sections especially.
  Pipes: Current theory is that dinosaurs cannot fit coconuts in their mouths.
  [Silence, Ferr and Evek crack up]
  Maxwell: The current theory is that in the future we'll live on the moon and play pet Jenga. With pets. 'Cause there'll be microgravity and we can do that.
  Pipes: Pet Jenga? What? What the fuck?
  Ferr: I can do that now.
  Pipes: That's not Jenga. That's...
  Ferr: Pet Jenga!
  Pipes: [Through laughter] By the makers of Jenga!
  Ferr: Coming soon, Pet Connect-4!
  ...
  Pipes: Don't not play Pet Jenga! How do you win pet Jenga?
  Ferr: By knocking over the pet tower.
  Pipes: How do you get so many pets?
  Ferr: You live on the moon!
  Pipes: Will there be more pets per person on the moon? PPP? Pets per person?
  Maxwell: Yes.
  • Further into the Spirit Temple, Maxwell demonstrates just how tired of Master Quest he's gotten.
  Ferr: I can't wait to bomb some dodongos!
  Maxwell: At this point, I might even prefer one of those games over this.
  Ferr: I... Do I need to slap you? I think you've actually reached a delusional state.
  Maxwell: I'm exaggerating a little bit. But if this game demands more repetition...
  Ferr: Great! I'll get my stuff!
  Maxwell: Exactly.
  • In the same vein...
  Maxwell: I've been wondering lately, what happens if you put a cartridge game in a microwave? I just wish I had a cartridge copy of this game so I could put it in a microwave... just sayin'.
  • The general inanity of the post-Twinrova commentary.
  Maxwell: Where's my heart container? There. No, you've gotta go back in time, then go forward in time, then go back in time again... to hit the same switch three times. To unlock a room that has a heart container.
  Ferr: Aieva! [Starts humming "Tequila"]
  Maxwell: But it's invisible. And you have to bomb a tile on the floor at random. Which causes the invisible heart piece to appear, but you can't see it 'cause it's invisible.
  Ferr: [Finishes humming] Aieva!
• There are quite a few moments from the quest for the Biggoron's Sword, too.
  Maxwell: I'm just gonna take a second to appreciate this pose that Link is doing right here. Hand on his heart, cock in his hand.
  • Maxwell and Ferr reliving the best and worst day ever.
  Maxwell: When we did the marathon recording session at one point that happened and, uh, Pipes said 'Oh, he clipped it!' and I said 'He didn't clip it, he clopped it!' and that seemed hilarious to me. And in my mind I was saying 'Clippity clopped it, clippity clopped it!' over and over again. I was trying so hard not to laugh. I was so far gone.
  Ferr: That was simultaneously the best and worst day ever.
  • Their reaction to their advisor getting cut off.
  Ferr: 'To get the last bottle you need to catch the ten S'
  Maxwell: ...what?
  Ferr: I think I got cut off.
  Pipes: Snakes. Spiders...
  Ferr: Supermen.
  Pipes: [Starts laughing] Just, like, get a butterfly net, jam it over Clark Kent's head. 'Ha!'
• Pipes' transformation into Captain Obvious:
  Ferr: I am Captain Planet!
  Pipes: [Beat] No you're not.
• Maxwell having a tough time in the Forest Temple section of Ganondorf's Castle.
  Maxwell: This time I'm state saving and I'm gonna find out what happens when you go down— [Lunk falls into an abyss]
  Pipes: That's what happens.
  Maxwell: The wind was blowing Link around, so I couldn't get down there.
  Ferr: The wind is off now.
  [Maxwell steers Lunk into the abyss again]
  Pipes: And so is your aim!
  • Wait... that has teeth on its torso!
  Ferr: Yeah. Welcome to this game.
  • About thirty seconds later, there's Maxwell's 'playing in the sprinkler' moment
  Maxwell: Okay. I killed everything and nothing happened... but at least I had the most ridiculous Zelda fight I've ever had.
• "Oh, I get it! It doesn't make sense, but I get it..."
  • There's also Maxwell getting into the enemy's head:
  Maxwell: See, this is how I solve the puzzles in this game. I imagine the cruelest setup for a puzzle that they could make and then see if that's the case. In this case I imagine that there's an invisible object inside this that would appear if you used the Lens of Truth, but I guess not.
  [Silence]
  Pipes: You realize you're starting to think like them?
  Ferr: That's never a good thing.
  Pipes: After we finish this game, Maxwell's going to have to go through some intense counter-programming.
  [Later]
  Maxwell: You notice they put the, uh, fire ice here just to piss me off?
  Ferr: So you need to go all the way back and get water again?
  Maxwell: No, I brought some with me 'cause I knew they were gonna do that.
  Evek: You are thinking like them.
  Maxwell: Oh, but I— Oh, I underestimated them!
  ...
  Pipes: This is like a crime drama. 'But I know that he knows that I know that I know...'
• The dungeon just raises one more middle finger to you.
  • This may be the one time that Lunk catches a break, and the Astronauts still expect the game to pull one over on them:
  [Maxwell steers Lunk onto an unlocked platform to hit an eyeswitch]
  Evek: Now watch that block—
  Pipes: It's gonna disappear.
  Evek: Yeah.
• Maxwell's explanation of steering Lunk into a fire pit.
  Maxwell: ...I think that was Lunk's fault.
  • Later, on the Fire Temple path...
  Maxwell: Is this punishment or reward for state saving? I can't decide...
• A random conversation about sex club ideas brings forth an uncomfortable revelation about Evek:
  pipes!: So new business idea: S&M dungeon sex club—
  Maxwell: No.
  pipes!: —that has the look of a video game dungeon.
  Maxwell: ...maybe...
  pipes!: Caters to a very specific niche of horny pervert nerds.
  Maxwell: If you put it in Japan, it would work. You're asking for a combination of video games and sexiness which I think just isn't there. At least not in dungeons, anyway.
  pipes!: Well—
  Evek: You haven't been in the right dungeons, then.
  (surprised laughter)
  Ferr: ...that sounds like an experienced opinion.
• Pipes trying to figure out how Ganondorf floats in midair and attacks.
  pipes!: So, when he's floating around in the air like that... is he building up static?
  Ferr: It's the magical equivalent of rubbing your socks on the carpet.
  pipes! Link just tosses a cat at him and there's a large bang...
• Maxwell wants to see what happens when time runs out during the escape from Ganon's Castle, seeing as he has save states and a fast-forward button, and with 10 seconds left on the clock...
  Ferr: Go back in and save the children.
  Evek: What children?
  pipes!: Oh no, Bootsy and Mootsy!
  Lunk immediately runs into a respawned Redead in the previous room which stuns him and slowly approaches him as the timer hits 0. The entire group laughs.
  pipes!: THE LAST THING YOU SEE!
• Maxwell pouncing on the opportunity to tell us a groan-worthy pun:
  Maxwell: Ganon just has the willpower to keep on going. He really puts the 'try' in Triforce.
  [Everyone groans]
  Evek: That was fuckin' painful.
  Maxwell: (gleefully) I've been saving that all week.
• Everybody joking around during the final battle:
  Pipes: Nothing says 'final showdown' like 'ocarina'
  Ferr: I challenge you to a flute-off!
  Evek: Finish him!
  • And the Sages' attack:
  Ferr: By your powers combined...
  Pipes: I am good for 2000 flushes!
• Maxwell recounting a zombie dream he had after encountering Stalkids for the first time.
  Maxwell: I had a nightmare about a zombie invasion the other night. It started out with this city that everyone knew was overrun by zombies, and it was all blockaded, you couldn't go in there. I was in the plane, I was flying from one place to another...
  Pipes: Things are relatively coherent so far.
  Maxwell: Yeah, and the pilot started showing symptoms of, y'know, zombification, he's like twitching and stuff, and everyone knows he's gonna turn into a zombie, and everyone gathers in the cockpit like, "Okay, we gotta kill the captain before he turns into a zombie!" And everyone's like "No, I don't wanna do it! I can't kill a man!" And then he goes full-on zombie and bites a dude, and then someone tries to shoot the captain but, like, his angle's way off and shoots the window. Buncha guys get sucked out the window, the plane crashes straight into zombie city. It got messy from there on, cause it was like... people going after zombies, but there was like a zombie samurai—
  Pipes: THERE WE GO! We've made the leap to absurd!
• Shortly after entering the Fire Temple, Maxwell walks into a room and waltzes straight into a Like Like which eats both his Hylian Shield and Goron Tunic. After killing it and spawning a treasure chest...
  Maxwell: I got my tunic back, but I didn't get my shield back!
  Evek: Oh, no.
  Maxwell: This game is cruel!
  He opens the chest. "You got a Hylian Shield!"
  Maxwell: *amidst laughter* Oh, hey!
  Ferr: Oddly appropriate.
• Near the end of the game, they discuss the creation of the manliest sport ever.
  Ferr: So what if the whole playing field is ice?
  pipes!: What if the whole playing field is hamburger steak.
• Also near the end of the game, Maxwell briefly gives us a glimpse of his childhood:
  Maxwell: When I was a kid I used to play this game called "Superman" where you'd slide headfirst down a flight of stairs.
  (scattered chuckling from Ferr, Evek and pipes!)
  pipes! : And later on that game turned into "Christopher Reeve".
  (the Astronauts crack up)

New Super Mario Bros Wii

• Maxwell, pipes!, Ferr and Evek spend the majority of their time on New Super Mario Bros. Wii dicking each other over (or more accurately, Maxwell dicking over the other three). Rescued from Viddler by a third party here.
  • Also now reuploaded on Maxwell's Youtube account in HD.
• At the very start, the Astronauts discuss why Wario wasn't made playable: apparently, Word of God was it was a game balance issue, as Wario's farting power would unbalance the game, and they didn't want to include him without it.
  Ferr: It's FARTS OR NOTHING, damnit!
• Fun with Yoshis, and pipes! getting back at Maxwell the only way he can.
  pipes!: Worth it!
• The first fortress level, in the dark days before they figured out the bubble mechanic, had a lot of screaming and evil laughter.
• In the World One castle, Maxwell tosses pipes! into the lava, and then goes after Evek and Ferr. The subsequent chaos is hysterical.
• After Maxwell throws Pipes into a Paratroopa and finishes the level while he's dead:
  Pipes: OH MY GOD!
  Other Astronauts: [hysterical laughter]
  Pipes: WHO'S A DICK? YOUSE A DICK!
• Upon losing all their lives — which happens a lot — there isn't much left for the temporarily defeated but Angrish and honking the loser horn. Many Precision Horn Honks follow. Made funnier by how the Astronauts keep cracking up at them.
• After some time spent trying and failing to reach a hidden door (that's an exit they can't go through in the first place), Maxwell gets bored and runs off, while Luigi and Yvan have an amorous encounter at the flagpole.
• Pretty much any moment where the Astronauts get to ride Yoshis is going to be funny, with cries such as "Ow! You ate me!" and "Stop eating me damnit!" as they use the Yoshis to further dick each other over and struggle to stay on them for more than a few seconds.
• In a stage where Lakitus appear from white smiling blocks if you hit them, Ferr tried to jump on one as someone hit it, resulting in him jumping into a Lakitu and dying.
  Ferr: I went to jump on a cloud and it turned into a nerdy turtle right in front of me.
• The World 4 castle. "YOU GOT DILDO'D, SON!" "What the hell is your dick problem?!" "Oh you fucker! OH GOD YOU OTHER FUCKER!"
  • Pipes' zinger right after that is pretty funny too. "My dick problem? ...apparently, it's psychological."
• Tempers fray during the World 5 fort's death climb.
  Evek: (butt-stomped into spikes) Stop that!
  pipes!: You were close to me.
  Ferr: Mom!
  Evek: Fucking stop that. I will fucking murder you.
  • Eventually he gets into the swing of things.
  Evek: Stop that, you dick... butt.
  Ferr: Now ya've got it!
• The World 6 Fortress, aka the one with the giant spiked phallic crusher thingy.
  Maxwell: Aw no...
  Evek: Oh god!
  Maxwell: Exactly what you wanna see.
  pipes!: I feel inadequate...
  Ferr: It's like the locker room at the gym all over again!
  • "Who's Luigi now, Luigi?!"
• A profound moment in World 7: "That bird's a bird?!"
• While at the flagpole at the end of the level, everyone but Evek makes it. Evek is in a Propeller Suit drifting slowly towards the very top of the pole... and then the game registers it as "COURSE CLEAR!", cheating Evek out of a 1up and leaving him ripe for the pickings by the other three:
  (Everyone but Evek laughs, then the end-of-stage sequence triggers, making them laugh harder.)
  Evek: You dicks!
  Maxwell: It's your own fault for being slow!
  pipes!: That's what thinking gets you.
  Ferr: (in a dandified tone) Oh~ I'll just flitter down, no hurry~
  pipes! (also in a dandified tone) Not a care in the world~
  Ferr: (dandified) Do be a dear and wait for me~
  (Everyone laughing)
  pipes!: (dandified) I shall see you at the top of the flagpole~
• pipes! frequently shouting something like "Luigi is the best!" and INSTANTLY getting killed for a Karmic Death.
  pipes!: Luigi is the conqueror!
  *SPLAT*
  pipes!: Luigi is the conquered!

  • Ferr: "Ow, my hubris!"
  • "Luigi has the platform skills to pay the bills."
  • "Now Luigi is the controliest!"
• About halfway through World 7, the Astronauts run into some player-controlled platforms. It doesn't take long for Maxwell to take advantage of them.
  Maxwell: Okay, now get on that platform.
  (Ferr and Evek do so, along with himself)
  Maxwell: Tilt left. (Beat) Luigi.
  (pipes! tilts the platform left, sending it offscreen and pushing all three of them into a pit)
  pipes!, amid general screaming and laughter: Yeah! Works out for Luigi!
  (pipes! tilts the platform he's on to the right, dropping him into another pit the same way)
  pipes!, amid more laughter: NOOOOOOOOO! It's failed for Luigi!
• Pretty much the entirety of World 8-1. "Why does everything have to be a sex toy in this game?" "You got Pompeii'd, son!"
  • "MOVE YOUR LAVA-DICK! Oh, it's an iguana! It has two!"
  • And, of course, the greatest moment of dickery ever committed by man, leading to pipes! eloquent response: "YOU... AAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! YOU COCK-NUGGET SHIT-FUCKING COCK-WANGLING ASS-BUCKING CUNT-GRINDING TIT-PUNCHING SHITHOLE SMEGMA-FACED CLOWN FART!!! I WILL RAPE YOU!!!"
  • Notable in that it got a "WHAT THE HELL?!" out of Evek.
  Ferr: Why would you do that?!
  Maxwell: I just had this impulse to do that, and like, "Yeah, alright, sure, sounds good, impulse, I'll go with that."
  pipes!: This is what serial killers do!
• World 8-3, the bitchiness of karma, followed shortly by Maxwell's panicked whimpering.
• There's also Ferr singing pirate songs after taking control of a moving platform. Made all the more hilarious because as he's singing, everyone else is being killed over and over by an onslaught of goddamned birds and Parabombs - in one case, in time with the lyrics.
  • In the same video as Ferr singing, Pipes gains control of the platform with 3 people on it. He moves it forward too quickly, and a giant pillar of fire shoots up in front of them. He tries to stop, but cannot, so he instead accelerates while screaming "TO HELL!", killing all 3 of them. The next 20 seconds of the video are them laughing.^note He laments that he should've shouted "RAMMING SPEED!"
    • Made funnier when two of them proclaim that they'll follow Capt. Maxwell to Hell a bit before that.
• At the end:
  (Luigi and the Toads bring in the hot air balloons)
  Evek: Hey, remember us, ya dickwad?
  (Mario and Peach take off without Luigi)
  pipes!: Luigi walk home.
  Ferr: Luigi get-a the blue-balls again!
  (the Toads show up in their own balloon)
  pipes!: Unless...
  Ferr: ...or DOES he?
• After taking a break from the game, the Astronauts boot up World 9-1 and immediately fall back into bad habits.
• The constant panicking of the giant fish in World 9-2.
  pipes!: No me gusta! No me gusta dio poca!
  Ferr: (crying) Go away, fish. I hate you, fish!
• The group loads up World 9-7 and they all make the exact same jump...right into a Piranha Plant. All four of them die from it.
  • Bonus: they sing part of the Reading Rainbow theme song, and, reflecting that, one of the tags is "take a look it's in a book".
• After floundering their way through the rest of the special zone, they finally reach the bouncy happy cloud world of 9-8, where they receive a much-deserved respite.
  Maxwell: For the last level, they kinda let you chill out and have fun.
  Ferr: Oh. Nice of them to put one level in there that-
  Maxwell: Wait, OR DO THEY?!
  Enter King Bill that takes up over half the screen, stage left
  Other Astronauts: (screams of terror)
• The bonus video featuring the astronauts "Riding the Snake", complete with quotes from SNL and pretending the snake is a roller coaster by cheering unenthusiastically.
• The Astronauts downloaded fan-made levels for New Super Mario Bros. Naturally, these levels make the Nintendo Hard game even harder. The Astronauts die frequently, and only manage to complete one level. One of their failed levels, however, has them trapped beneath a seemingly impassable wall. Just as they figure out how to get past, a GIANT BULLET BILL that almost takes up the entire screen chases them down, during which time they all scream like children. The most epic TPK ever witnessed.' Ferr laments he's gonna have nightmares.
  • Also, at the start of the fan-made level right after, everyone but Ferr being killed by a single Goomba.
  Maxwell, pipes! and Evek: (talking over one another) Oh—oh what? No!
  Ferr: Yeah, watch out for that guy. (Everyone else laughs) Oh, I'll get him guys, don't worry! (stomps on the Goomba as the other three respawn) Guess you all were too not-good for that! Kind of the Mario expert over here. (more laughter) Yeah, Pro Tip on those guys—you wanna jump on 'em.

Tetris Smackdown

• Their Tetris video, in which pipes! first defeats Evek (to much enthusiastic trash talking), then gets taken to the woodshed by Maxwell (...still to much enthusiastic trash talking). Later on, he gets into a back-and-forth of Tetrises with Ferr (with, of course, much enthusiastic trash talking). "U Tetrisin' awful!"
  • To say nothing of the hilarious one-liners they come up with: (more lines than Six Flags, more lines than a Kevin Smith movie, more blocks than LEGO-Land, more columns than Ancient Greece, more claws than Inspector Gadget)...
  pipes!: More! You cannot stop the oncoming storm! So many lines! It's like Studio 54, there's so many lines going on!
  Ferr: It's like a referee convention, there's so many lines.
  pipes!: You see that?! BAM! Right there! Pieces locked in perfectly! I am perfect and flawless like an AI! Look at that! Logically placed! Thinking of the future! A solid strategy! I'M TALKING SHIT WITH TETRIS! YOU GOT NOTHING! MAN, I WILL PLAY THIS IN THE PARK AND I WILL TAKE YOUR MONEY!
  Ferr: More lines than a zebra slaughterhouse, son!
  pipes!: That'll do, pig. That'll do. What's this—UNH! Drop a line! I don't even need to see where it goes! I just know! I just know where it'll fall! BAM! DOWN! TRASH-TALKING CHESS! YOU GOT NOTHING! WHAT?! WHAT!? THIS IS MY HOUSE! MY IMMACULATELY-CONSTRUCTED HOUSE! BLOCKS ARE GOING EVERYWHERE! LOOK AT THAT—DROP RIGHT DOWN! I DON'T KEEP UNEVEN LINES! NO HOLES! NO HOLES...UNLIKE YOUR MOM! BURN! LOOK AT THAT! DROP! OH! OH! OH! OH!
  Ferr: More lines than a Soviet bakery, son!
  pipes!: BAM! YOU GONNA LET 'IM TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT! YEAH, YOU ARE, BECAUSE YOU'RE MY BITCH! MY TETRIS BITCH! BAM! ANOTHER LINE! THEY JUST KEEP COMING!! THE HITS KEEP—(puts an L-block in the wrong spot) OH FUCK!
  (Everyone else laughs as pipes! eventually wins.)
  pipes!: Trash-talking Icarus...
  • When pipes! gets annihilated by Maxwell the following round; just before that, he gets four consecutive L-blocks, which totally derails his plan of attack:
    pipes!: (struggling with an S-block) Unnnnnnnh! Fuck! Unnnnnh! (a J-block appears) Unnnnnh! Fuck, again! The dreaded double-fuck!
    Ferr: That boy's got more lines than a Kevin Smith movie, son!
    pipes!: ...now you're just reaching.
    Ferr: Hey, that was good!
    (Maxwell clears a Tetris, and the ensuing garbage makes pipes! misplace a critical block)
    pipes!: (as everyone else laughs) WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! [Lose] ...You played me like a piano.
    Ferr: I don't wanna play; I just wanna come up with one-liners.
  • pipes!'s demise in the round after that is a little more methodical and grinding:
    pipes!: (as Maxwell moves up to Level 1) Oh, you're changing colors? You're changing colors?! (clears a triple^note gives the opponent two garbage lines with a J-block) Bam! (as he clears a Tetris^note gives the opponent four garbage lines) BAM!
    Maxwell: Bwah!
    pipes!: I just curb-stomped your ass!
    Maxwell: (about to clear his own Tetris) Have it back.
    (Maxwell sets up a second I-block for back-to-back Tetrises)
    Evek: (as the garbage lines start piling up and everyone else laughs) Holy shit, no!
    pipes!: NOOOOO! THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANTED!
    • Maxwell: "This is the part where I reveal where I actually know how to play Tetris."
  • They generally found the sound effects of clearing lines and garbage lines appearing inherently funny throughout.
  • After pipes! hands his controller to Evek after being thoroughly whooped by Maxwell, he and Ferr constantly pester Maxwell in some attempt at revenge, which actually works as evidenced by sudden constant misplacing of blocks and Maxwell suddenly realizing, a few minutes later...
  Maxwell: ...what did you do to my Tetris?!
  • At around the 17-minute mark, pipes! (on the right side) somehow gets his stack into this formation◊, much to the chagrin and amusement of everyone else.
    pipes!: (puts a J-block in a very precarious position) BWAH!
    (laughter)
    Evek: Good god, man! You've built a roof over your house now!
    Ferr: Now sleep in it!
    (more laughter as pipes! uses a second J-block to fully seal off the hole)
    pipes!: It's concept! I've seen the models; they look wonderful!
    (more laughter from all)
    pipes!: Why did I do this? (puts an L-block in another just-as-wrong position) NOO!
    (more laughter)
    Ferr: I just need to wait you out. I'll be over here making single lines, thank you.
    pipes!: Got more singles than a stripper.
    Ferr: I got more singles than eHarmony!
    (laughter)
    pipes!: And they're just as desperate.
  • In the next round, pipes! hopes things go better for him:
  pipes!: (drops an O-block straight down) Block-and-center! This time will be different!
  (pipes! then puts a Z-block standing up, hanging over the right edge of the O-block)
  Evek: It's not different at all!
• And again:
  pipes!: Stop building a Tetris, you dickwad. I know your games, you tricksy hobbit.
• There was also the NES Mess video that preceded it, with Maxwell playing single-player Tetris and everyone yelling at him when he made bad placements. The other game in the video have a lot of funny parts in them, too.
  • pipes! ripping on Maxwell for choosing the Type-C music instead of the usual Type-A, suggesting that a) Maxwell "likes having cocks placed in [his] mouth" and b) thanks to the rules of Tetris, such a state would cause his head to clear like a Tetris and disappear.
  • The first time Maxwell screws up:
    Ferr: Oh, no!
    Maxwell: (after stacking a J-block straight up) Didn't see that one coming, did you?
    Ferr: Why would you do a thing like that?!
    (Maxwell stacks an S-block straight up, atop the J-block)
    Ferr: Why would you do THAT?!
    pipes!: NOOOO! YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!
    (Everyone else starts laughing; meanwhile, Maxwell piles another S-block onto the too-high stack)
    Ferr: You're the worst!
    pipes!: That tower is one big middle finger to good Tetris players everywhere! (Maxwell stacks another J-block upright) Now it's two!
    (Maxwell clears a Tetris)
    pipes!: Oh, look at me, Mr. Tetris! You still have a huge problem!
  • At one point, pipes! gets so pissed at Maxwell's Tetris playing that he says he'll have a kid just so that his kid can beat up and torment Maxwell's kid.
  • Screw-up incident #37:
    pipes!: I'm gonna find members of your family and hit them with bricks, because of what you're doing right now—
    (Maxwell tries and fails to make an L-block rotate into a gap)
    Maxwell: Ohh—no! I thought it would rotate!
    pipes!: You thought wrong! Now you're fucked!
    (Laughter from everyone else)
    Evek: Good god, man!
    Maxwell: Hey watch this, watch this! (his attempts at rotating a T-block to do...something...fails) Whaddya think of that?!
    (Laughter)
    Evek: You're killing us here!
    pipes!: I think I can actually hear people watching this^note it was a livestream screaming at you...like a general din. As if a million nerds cried out and were suddenly silenced.
    Evek: No, they're not gonna be silenced.
    Ferr: Jesus hates you. He loves everybody except you.
    pipes!: He just postponed the Second Coming because of your Tetris playing.

GTA Vice City

• A compilation of many funny moments from the LP, though not all are included. (25 minutes in length)
• Flying. Tank.
  • Probably funnier is combining the "flying car" cheat with a helicopter, which results in what Ferr and pipes! individually dub the "Michael J. Fox-copter" and the "epilepticopter".
• At the end of the Cop Land mission, Maxwell stops by one of the properties he bought to grab a nice getaway car he stashed in the garage to escape from the law chasing him with a whopping 5 Wanted Stars rating. He risks his and Vance's life getting out of their police car and running to the garage... only to discover that he left a golf cart inside of it. He took it anyway and managed to shake the law by going into a Spray 'n Paint with it.
  Maxwell: How...did that actually work?
  (Guys laugh as Tommy and Lance, still in their cop outfits, come back out in an olive green golf cart)
  Maxwell: Yeah, we're really inconspicuous now, huh?
  Ferr: Well, you look like rent-a-cops.
  Maxwell: Yeah, just, on patrol... in a... golf cart.
  • At about the 8:00 mark of that same video, a random pedestrian corpse goes flying past Tommy and Lance as they drive to avoid police. There's a delayed reaction from the Astronauts, as they didn't recognize just what it was.
• The entirety of G-spotlight as seen here
• Come on, token black friend!
  • "With my by-the-book attitude and your blatant disregard for authority, we'll take down the evil crime boss." "Wait, I am the evil crime boss!"
• The first death of the LP:
  Maxwell: OHH! I got killed by Al Sharpton.
  Ferr: That's what you get for being a white devil.
• Hookers + helicopter = Epic Fail.
  Ferr: Oh, don't mind me, I just parked my helicopter here; I'll move it as soon as I can.
  pipes!: Did I mention I stole a tank?
  Maxwell: (noticing a pair of hookers walking past) I really wish you could pick up hookers in a helicopter.
  pipes!: ...why can't you?
  Maxwell: Hey babies—(tilts helicopter and accidentally shreds the hooker with propeller)
  (Astronauts laugh)
  Ferr: That's why.
• At one point Maxwell talks of how the civilians can't use Molotov Cocktails and just light themselves on fire.
  Pipes!: Maybe they were just protesting the Vietnam War.
• pipes! and Ferr bickering like an old couple while Maxwell gets lost trying to get to the Pay 'N Spray.
  Ferr: I know where I'm going.
  pipes!: Why don't ya pull over, ask somebody for directions!?
  Ferr: I don't need directions, I know where we are!
  pipes!: I think we're lost!
  Ferr: We're not lost!
  pipes!: You always say this!
  Ferr: I know where we are!
  pipes!: I'm just sayin, if we pull over and ask somebod-
  Ferr: We don't need to pull over!
  pipes!: Look, we just passed a gas station!
  Ferr: I know where the gas station is!
  pipes!: We need gas!
  Ferr: We're almost there, five more minutes, shut up!
  pipes!: I don't know why I married you.
  Ferr: BECAUSE YOU'RE UGLY!
• Which leads into...
  MaxwellAdams: On my family vacations, they didn't get right to the point like that.
  pipes!: YOU'RE ADOPTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!
  Ferr: You're a mistake. You're an adopted mistake, we adopted you by accident.
  pipes!: We meant to order a big-screen TV.
• When Clownbirth shows up on Skype.
  pipes!: Get the corn cob out of your ass!
  Clownbirth: You're gonna have to come over here and take it out yourself.
  pipes!: I will milk your prostate like a dairy cow!
  (all of the astronauts completely lose it)

Half Life 2, a.k.a. The Kickboat Saga

The Astronauts play SMOD for Half-Life 2, wherein, among other things, Gordon is given a new melee move, the "Gordon Kick"—a simple front kick that is ridiculously powerful and inflicts all sorts of physics hi-jinx.

• Dicking around with the airboat:
  Maxwell: (runs the boat aground) Okay, I'm parked. (disembarks)
  pipes!: Look at me! I'm a motorist—a boatorist!
  Maxwell: (as everyone laughs) A boatorist!
  Evek: You're just making up words now.
  pipes!: That's the joke!
• The "iron sights" view of a fully automatic weapon; i.e. they make fun of the gun flipping back and hitting Gordon in the face.
• The first death:
  Resistance agent: (as Gordon speeds by and runs over an enemy) HEY DOWN THERE! SUPPLIES!
  pipes!: HEY!
  (The airboat then slams into a large, sloped sheet of metal at full speed, killing Gordon in one shot. Laughter ensues)
  pipes!: Oops! That's your head!
  (more laughter)
  Maxwell: Since when—
  Ferr: Good job, James Dean!
  (even more laughter)
  Maxwell: Since when can you die like that?!
• Maxwell maps the Gordon Kick to the "X" key, meaning he has to press it with his middle finger, and it feels good doing it.
• They discovered how the kick can interact with the airboat completely by accident:
  Evek: (while Maxwell kicks while driving the boat) Piece of crap!
  pipes!: (wonder in his voice) It makes it go faster!
  Evek: Physics!
  pipes!: (unable to contain his laughter) This is the best thing in the world!
  Evek: (as the boat collides with the wall) Jump it!
  pipes!: Make your getaway!
  (The repeated kicking sends the Kickboat airborne, causing everyone to laugh more. Maxwell steers the boat back around, and manages it to send it over a plot gate. Cheering ensues!)
  pipes!: YES!
  Evek: Sequence breaking!
  pipes!: (starts singing the melody from Back to the Future)
  Evek: Sequence breaking!
  pipes!: YES!
  Maxwell: Oh wait... that's the edge of the map over there...
  Evek: Yep.
  Maxwell: The edge of the known map...
  Ferr: It'd been a while since folks in Hazzard County had seen a good Kickboat. Let's see how ol' Gordon'll get himself outta this one.
• Despite being in the wrong part of the map, the enemies are reacting as they normally would...including one baddie with a rocket launcher raining rockets on Gordon.
  Maxwell: (nearly dodging a rocket) Whoa—hey! Watch it! That was rude.
  pipes!: A rocket to the face? Well I never!
• A Category-5 Hurricane of Puns ensues:
  pipes!: KICKBOAT! Finish them off!
  Maxwell: I gotta steer sometime!
  pipes!: No you don't! Kicking is steering!
  Ferr: Kick in the direction you wish to go!
  Maxwell: It's a point and kick interface.
  (riotous laughter for about fifteen seconds)
  Ferr: It's Das Boot!
  pipes!: We're gonna kick it into high gear!
  Ferr: We're kickin' it old school.
  (More laughter)
  Maxwell: (after laughter dies down) I'd like to personally thank the coders of this mod.
• The first time we see the Gordon Kick in action...Maxwell uses it on a downed enemy. Its head explodes.
• impulse101 is an even bigger cheat than the kick. It unlocks all sorts of insane weaponry, including the scissors from Postal, a watermelon cannon, a PSP that shoots exploding game discs, and exploding bananas^note pressing the alt-fire makes the bananas break apart and explode.
  pipes!: (as Maxwell throws them) You're just throwing bananas...
  Evek: Yes! We get bananas! B-A—
  (The bananas then break apart and explode all around Gordon, leading to his death and making the Astronauts laugh.)
  Ferr: That shit was bananas!
  pipes!: How did you think that would be different?!
  (laughing)
  Maxwell: Oh... I wanted to see what right-click did... and then that happened.
• (after trying out a "singularity generator"^note generates tiny black holes, more or less)
  Ferr: I demand you use that on the next enemies.
  pipes!: Exclusively!
  • Even funnier when Maxwell manages to instantly kill one of them by throwing a banana into the back of its head.
• Gordon versus a single Mook standing just inside a large shipping crate. And Maxwell spams the exploding bananas:
  pipes!: Oh, Jesus Christ!
  (massive explosion)
  Ferr: Ten servings of fruits and vegetables!
  Evek: You painted the inside with his blood!
  Ferr: ...or ten servings of death!
• Getting face-to-face with an enemy and spamming the kick button. His head explodes, too, leaving thick, red blood splatters all over the walls.
  • Hell, even one of the annotations for the video reads "ATATATATATATATATA-".
• Maxwell's complete ineptitude with the sniper rifle.
  "Six shots, one kill!"
• "The second Kickboat has hit the strider!"
• "It's like the opening to Doctor Who—just tunnels and tunnels and tunnels!"
• Taking the Kickboat to the skies to fight the chopper.
  Ferr: Fight for control of the skies!
  pipes!: You are the dominant predator! (gets shot down as everyone laughs) I'm sure they never considered the boat intercepting the chopper when they were programming this.
  Evek: (as the Kickboat spirals out of control) Do a barrel roll!
  pipes!: Somewhere there's a Valve programmer watching this, going, "I WAS RIGHT!"
  Maxwell: I think I hit it again.
  pipes!: You're winning. (a second chopper inexplicably joins the battle) There are TWO of them! You kicked it into two!
• Maxwell takes the Kickboat far beyond the borders of the map, killing him instantly and finding a broken part of the game world simply labeled Reflectivity......50%.
  Evek: Where are you—
  Maxwell: This way!
  Ferr: Out of the skybox! [Dies]
  Maxwell: Aw... oh? (looks around) ...what?!
  (Everyone laughs)
  Ferr: What does that say?
  Maxwell: "Reflectivity 50%."
  (More laughter)
  Ferr: You broke the matrix!
  pipes!: You kicked your way out of the game! It kicked you out! Ha ha ha!... You got booted from the server.
• The transition of the Kickboat into a Memetic Badass, both in annotations and in video commentary.
• A strange tangent wherein the discuss the life of a nameless Mook tasked with guarding an out-of-the-way entrance and was jokingly told to watch out for Gordon Freeman, overall implying the job is nothing but pointless busywork. The last thing that guard ever sees is Gordon Freeman and his Kickboat driving right through him as though he wasn't even there.

JFK Reloaded

• The simple fact that the Astronauts turned a game about the assassination of JFK into a game of HORSE that goes horribly wrong when they can't do one shot through the butt of a Secret Service agent.
  • Just before that, their first shot at the game as presented by JFK himself, err-ah, Feh-ah, doing his trademahk impersonation.
  Ferr: Welcome to JFK Reloaded, the game based on my life. Wherein you chase broads around the White House, and try not to get caught by Jackie... and try not to let them see LBJ's GIGANTIC wang.
  • ...And then cheers that he's single again after the First Lady's death.
  • And in the various camera views after the shooting JFK seems oddly nonchalant about his wife being shot right next to him.
  Ferr: (Happily) Look at how smug I am.
• During their first attempt at shooting aforementioned Secret Service agent in the aforementioned booty, the agent gets up and begins running to the limo... Only for the limo to speed off without him, made exceedingly more hilarious by his little jog and the fact that he just keels over spread eagle a few seconds into it. Would've been a good shot had the round not ended immediately after.
  Ferr: That's what you get for being slow, Chuckles.
• For an assassinated President, Kennedy sure seems trigger happy, particularly when he manages to get the entire cavalcade to stop after he shoots the driver, and proceeds to murder practically everyone on site.
  • The same episode makes Evek look like a Cold Sniper. The others call him out for this.
  Ferr: [in disbelief] How many shots did you take?
  Evek: All of Them!
• A single shot hits the limo's driver in the shoulder and causes the limo to go veering off to the side and eventually flipping over where it came from. Yeah.
  • The very next attempt also includes them veering off. The attempt after that includes them veering off, going up a hill, and landing on their side. Also, later on, the car veering off and hitting one of the walls in the tunnel, sending 3 people in the car flying.

Seaman

• From Seaman; "Apetit! REO Speedwagon! APETIT! REO SPEEDWAGON!"
  Pipes!: Two thousand years of technology and culture so that you can yell "Apetit" into a little green microphone.
• As mentioned in the main article, the squealing the guys do when one of the seamen say their first word in Part 4:
  Maxwell: Hello! (Beat) He didn't hear that. Yo! (taps on glass) Pay attention. Hello!
  Seaman: (unintelligible)
  Maxwell: Hello.
  Seaman: ...hello.
  (Collective gasp, then...)
  All four Astronauts: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
• Their reaction to the fact that the narrator is none other than Leonard Nimoy.
• During the first playthrough where the astronauts accidentally extinguish the... plural of Seaman's food supply. They spend the next week ("week" meaning setting the Dreamcast's internal clock ahead a day every 15 minutes) awaiting the day when the two half fish either die or resort to cannibalism.
  • Then there was the final day:
  Leonard Nimoy (in game narrator): Welcome back. You're doing a good job.
  Evek: They haven't eaten in five days. You're doing a good job.
  • One of the conversations goes thusly:
  Gillman: Give me some food.
  Ferr: Yeah, about that...

  • Which becomes a Call-Back later...
  Gillman: I'll never eat again!
  Evek: Good to know. I'll stop feeding you.
• Even the very beginning:
  Leonard Nimoy: This memory card does not contain saved Seaman data.
  All of the Astronauts burst into laughter
  pipes!: *singsong* It is what I thought it waaas!
  Evek: Congratulations, Leonard Nimoy!
  Ferr continues losing it
  Maxwell: *reading onscreen text* Please, enjoy your time with Seaman.
• The Seamen become a comedy gold mine when they grow into adulthood, from the conversations they hold with the Astronauts to their general snarkiness. As Maxwell says, it's the interesting part of the game.
  Seaman: ...so let me inquire, are you a male or a female? ...you are a male of the species, eh? ...well, I was hoping to meet a lady, but I guess I'm not in a position to be too choosy, am I?
  pipes!: Fourth wall, being scraped.
  Ferr: What would have happened if you were female, would he start hitting on you?
  ...
  Seaman: ...I am wondering about your age now. Tell me, are you in your, um... 20's?
  Maxwell: Yes.
  Seaman: Ah, I see... and exactly how old are you?
  Maxwell: 4,000.
  Seaman: You're 21 years old?
  Astronauts laugh again
• This conversation in the second playthrough is Hilarious in Hindsight:
  Seaman: I've been thinking about this, and and if my calculations are correct, you must be a... oh, no... you're a Scorpio, aren't you? I can just see it now... you'll lose your temper and cut off my food supply and that'll be the end of Seaman!
  Maxwell: Fun fact, I am a Scorpio.
• The very first thing that happens gameplay-wise: putting the egg in the water.
  Maxwell: There it goes. It's in.
  [Beat, Everyone cracks up]
  Ferr: Is it in yet?
  Pipes: I DUNNO!
  Evek: Is it in yet?!
• Ferr reading from the instruction pamphlet in the background and Maxwell's reaction.
  Ferr: 'How to say goodbye to seaman'
  Maxwell: Don't read that part! [A scuffling noise starts in the background]
• Airborne snacks, and the logical conclusion to them.
  Ferr: It's in my crotch, it's my creamsicle.
• Everybody walking into innuendos because of the premise.
  Maxwell: I think it's trying to expel the [beat] ...Seamen.
  • And, on that note, the non-seaman related innuendos.
  Maxwell: Why is it getting so hot in here?
  Ferr: Are you inviting him to take off all his clothes?
• Some of the reactions to the Seamen's dialogue.
  Baby Seaman: Prettier than you!
  Pipes: Oh, we're raising bitch fish!
  • And, while we're at it...
  Ferr: Do you guys realize that we're having a conversation with video game fish and have been for the last two hours?
• One of the tangents that really doesn't make sense out of context.
  Maxwell: It's like a big ol' bulldog eating a bowl full of mayonnaise.
  Ferr: There's a mental image.
• This... thing.
  Evek: What the hell?
  Ferr: Did that just happen...?
• Everybody freaking out after the spider hatches.
  Maxwell: I'm gonna go over to the insect cage and it's gonna be full of insect bones and nothing else.
  Evek: ...insects don't have bones.
  Maxwell: They usually don't have faces, either.
  Evek: True.
  Diabetus: There's gonna be human skeletons for some reason.
  Ferr: They usually don't lay the eggs of other insect species inexplicitly.
• The reveal that the caterpillars have faces and the hysterical laughter/sobbing that follows.
• The fact that most of episode 14 is whale noises, courtesy of Ferr and Evek, while Maxwell visits the psychiatrist of the sea.

Serious Sam

• In Level 08 of Serious Sam, the other players are "dancing" (by rapidly moving the mouse cursor) while Maxwell tries to throw grenades at them. Then...
  Ferr: What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...
  (Grenade hits the three dancers)
  Evek: Nice!
  Ferr: I said "don't hurt me anymore"!
  Maxwell: Well you said that at the point where the rocket was already falling on you. It was too late for me to stop it.
  Evek: So what are we doing?
  Maxwell: We're looking for the stupid sw-
  Ferr: (stabbing Maxwell's character) Stabbing the music hater!
  • Earlier, at the very end of Level 03:
  Ferr: (Blocking the end doorway) Before you can pass through this door, you must answer me these questions-
  (Evek blasts Ferr in the face with a shotgun, causing the astronauts to laugh)

  • He later attempts this again, Maxwell obliterates him by bowling him over with a cannonball.
  • Maxwell had been checking the stats. Almost wordlessly, Evek and Ferr coordinate their own moment for when he closes the stat screen. "Give us the money, man!" "Give us the money!"
    • This is in episode 6, starting around 2 minutes in.
  • Hell, the very first minute of the first part.
  Ferr: "I am Ferr." *He stabs Evek for an instant kill.* "And that is Evek. Right there."
  *Evek respawns and starts shooting Ferr in the back. Ferr turns around and oneshots Evek again.*
  Ferr: BULLETS CANNOT STOP PIRATE PETE!

Octodad

Their playthrough of Octodad.

• The opening cutscene, with MS Paint-level art quality:
  Wife: It's past NOON! You have to hurry, dear!
  (Cut to the alarm clock, which reads 3:49 P.M.)
  pipes!: ...that's a little bit more than past noon.
  (laughter)
  Evek: That's almost dinner.
  pipes!: We're in a weird, retro-y world where people still work 9 to 5.
• When Octodad is trying to clean up:
  Maxwell: Careful, careful...
  (Maxwell smashes everything on a counter into the floor with a shoebox.)
  pipes!: Oh, no! Octodad!
  Ferr: This is how people clean!
• Octodad stepping over the stove after clearing the counter:
  Evek: (makes hissing noise) AAAAAAAH!
  Ferr: ...what smells like calamari?
• Constant references to the Paper-Thin Disguise:
  Ferr: I'll just be... taking this key with my hand...
  pipes!: I'm walking just like manpeoples!
  Maxwell: Hold on it's behind my body... my ordinary dad body. This is what humans do.
  pipes!: I enjoy things that men enjoy; sport, TV, sports...
  pipes!: Hello there, neighbor good friend, why don't you come over to my place to watch some sporting teams and also eat some crabs?
  Ferr: And drink perhaps an alcoholic beverage, perhaps? We can entertain ourselves by removing the lids from jars and eating the food within.
• At first you would think that the little cephalopod noises Octodad makes in place of speaking were done by the Astronauts; which makes it even funnier when you realize that they're coming from the actual game.
• pipes!' insistence on going "WOOPWOOPWOOP" every time Maxwell ends up walking sideways.
  • For that matter, whenever Maxwell loses his grip on the controls, resulting in Octodad doing things like spinning around, whipping one "leg" around while his other is firmly anchored to the ground, makes everyone laugh wildly.

Mass Effect

• The LP for Mass Effect has this bonus video with the plan being to drop a tank on the council.
• The very first video. Turns out an intersex Shepard + spawning the tank in a cutscene area = difficulty breathing.
• Social Skills. Fun with quicksaves and Jerkass NPCs. Including that one. And that one.
• Nobody's particularly bothered by Shepard going for a drive. Or a dive.
• Maxwell shooting Liara in the gut with assault rifle fire bullets. To be fair, she was headed right for him.
• Skype pops up in the middle of a boss fight. Maxwell loses. Pipes emulates the Skype developer.
  pipes!: Yes, CLEARLY my program must be the most important program to ever program!
• The Astronauts completely losing their shit over the awkward sex scene.
  pipes!: Yes! This is how people kiss, right? (motorboat noises) I can eat this entire plate of spaghetti all at once!

Twilight Princess

• Maxwell's deliberate Hypocritical Humor: "Nah, I'm not going to break this game anymore than I already have..."
• Some Fridge Logic during the Diababa Boss Fight.
  Ferr: Having an eye inside of your mouth seems like a bad evolutionary choice. I mean, I'm pretty pissed off when I bite my tongue, but bite my eye?
  [...]
  Ferr: Aww, you know what's the worst part? Since that was a flower, that wasn't its eye, that was its sexual organ.
  Evek: (disgusted groan)
• "Have you accepted the lord God who is a butterfly as your lord and savior?"
  • Lonk goes skydiving in Hyrule Field, courtesy of the Spinner and a bomb.
• Some unwelcome fallout from one of the gang's Zelda-related Running Gags.
  Ferr: Speaking of horses... we've been getting quite a few referrals to the website from furaffinity.net...
  Evek: Aw, Christ...
  Ferr: ...from a page I'm blocked from seeing, but I can see the title, and it's just called "Epona carrots."
• "Alright, let's see where the game breaks, it should be coming up any second now..."
• After Zelda fades from existence to heal Midna.
  Ferr: So does Link have to make sure her parents kiss at the "Under the Sea" dance to make sure she doesn't disappear?
• At one point the guys go off on a bizarre tangent that results in them coming up with the movie Wonka's List.
• The group defeat Ganondorf in Twilight Princess by dangling a fishing rod in front of him.
• Any time Human Link is in a Wolf Link cutscene.

Resident Evil 4

• Ferr and pipes! demonstrating their (and by association, Leon's) sensitivity to international culture.
  Leon:(coming upon a parasite-infected resident) Excuse me...
  Ferr: Excuse me, I just shot your window for no reason?
  pipes!: Hello? I AM FROM AMERICA. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH.
  Ferr: DO YOU HAVE ANY REAL FOOD.
  pipes!: This is just a turnip in pig's blood!
  Ferr: YOUR FOOD IS GROSS. DO YOU HAVE ANY HAMBURGERS.
• At one point Maxwell is at the top of a ladder and the zombies climb it only to get shot off by Maxwell. Repeatedly.
• Ferr constantly mocking Maxwell's dedication to the attache case, only for the others to eventually start telling Maxwell how to store items...
  Ferr: Turn that red box sideways; what're you doing?
  pipes!: I can't believe I'm giving you--
  Maxwell: You all fell into my trap.
  pipes!: Why am I involved in this?!
• During a fight you can hear the guys panicking and screaming.
• During one fight Maxwell is about to get killed brutally when the Wii crashes.
• Maxwell + Ice cream sandwich - hands + pipes! = funny as heck.
• The Astronauts discussing the various inventive ways to play the Wii.
  pipes!: And then for the next challenge, it's play with the Wiimote behind your head as I choke you.
  Ferr: And then after that, it's play with the Wiimote clenched between your buttocks.
  pipes!: ...were you there that time...?
  (Ferr cracks up)
• Maxwell playing the instrumental version of "Snake Eater" during the cutscene before the boss fight with Mendez. It WORKS.
• During Luis's death:
  Leon: LUIS! LUIIIIIIS!
  Ferr: Scream "no". Scream "no."
  Evek: It's not that cheesy.
  Ferr: (as Leon) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And because he was Spanish, I should scream it in Spanish too: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Saint's Row 2

• Saints Row 2-episode 12: Floating Link.
• "YOU GO SHOPPING! I'LL HOLD OFF THE COPS!"
• Maxwell and Blues Wear Shoes spend some time holding up a store and throwing hostages down stairs. Cue Maxwell opening the front door of the store (at 1:35), only to see someone has paved over the parking lot with police cars and police men with guns trained on the door, and just in time to see another car slam into the pile in an attempt to get at him.
• Maxwell and Ferr playing chicken in Saints Row 2. With airplanes.
• The return of Dongs "REO" Speedwagon.

Crysis

• The pun onslaught pipes! cuts loose with in part 3 of Crysis, just after beating an enemy to death with a "meaningless stick":
  pipes!: Way to...stick it to 'em!
  Maxwell: Ah, that was dumb.
  (Evek laughs)
  pipes!: You should make a note of it in your log!
  Maxwell: (referring to a bunker with a powerful automatic weapon) I just wanna take that gun...
  pipes!: I'm sorry, the delivery of these jokes is so wooden!
  Maxwell: Ugh...you're the worst.
  pipes!: Have I irritated you enough that you can start a splinter group of LP?!
  Maxwell: You're going to pun jail.
  • Before that, when Maxwell takes an enemy by the throat:
    Evek: Throw him out to sea!
    (Maxwell does so, launching him as the enemy screams)
    pipes!: To the briny depths with thee!
  • And after, when Maxwell knocks a soldier down with a metal case, then gets into a throwing war, with the enemies hurling grenades, and him throwing everything close at hand (ammo cases, crates, folding chairs, VHS tapes, file folders...).

Cargo! The Quest for Gravity

• Behold, the mighty Dongs CarEO Stationwagon
• After losing a submarine, Maxwell attempts to build a new one. Using a body meant for a boat. And after that, decides to instead make a very awkward plane.
  pipes!: What is a submarine, but a really heavy boat?
• The building of their first helicopter, From Ferr's minimalist instructions, to the test flight where Maxwell briefly loses control of the vehicle causing it to roll forward rapidly.
• Episode 10. That's the most awesome vehicle since the Kickboat.
  You missed the platform.
  I AM the platform!

Other

• The glorious clusterfuck that is... Lemmings. Competitive multiplayer.
  • Including Ferr snapping through repeated defeats to Maxwell:
  Ferr: There's a HOLE in the BUCKET, DEAR Liza, dear LIZA...
  • At one point, Ferr kills a ton of Maxwell's lemmings by blocking his door and constantly ordering his own lemmings on suicidal digging missions... briefly causing the normally calm and collected Maxwell to briefly channel Pipes-level outrage.
  Maxwell: "You are history's greatest monster!"
• From Karaoke Revolution: Pipes! singing... with a mouth full of cookies.
  • And not long after that, Evek opting to hum the lyrics to "It's the End of the World as We Know It".
  Pipes!: This is R.E.M. as sung by a bumblebee.
  • Pipes!' horrific rendition of "When a Man Loves a Woman" if only for the sheer number of times he ends up getting "Okay!" "Good!" or even "Great!" ratings.
• Although the whole LP of [PROTOTYPE] is funny, things really get into CMOF territory starting with this video, where guest commentators Ainsley Mctree and Russ join. It's non-stop jokes from then until the end of the LP (10 videos later), with topics as diverse as Ven Diagrams of Gayness, Arm Wives, Drag-Queen-Ball Z, a little Taint-Math humor, Rape-On (Apply Directly to the Rape), and Cactus Holes.
  • Whilst infiltrating a military base, things get silly when Mercer starts an Army-Navy fight, meets a very eager soldier with a rocket launcher, and contemplates where the Air Force is.
  • From the same LP:
  Alex Mercer (disguised as a soldier) Hey, guys! How about that Military-Industrial Complex, eh? (Jumps 10 feet in the air and glides back down several times) All right, you fucks, drop and give me 20 of whatever the hell I just did!
• Essentially every single moment spent with Dongs "REO" Speedwagon in the Oblivion LP. It really just ends up being up to the viewer's opinion where the true funniest moment is. This Troper, though, has to give it to Weebam-Na's unexpected reaction to being frenzied.
  • and of course, who could forget their real life rendition of your standard Fetch Quest from episode 15?
  Maxwell: Ferr!
  Ferr: Yeah?
  Maxwell: Get me a beer, it's in the fridge.
  Ferr: ...OK.
  Ferr: *a few seconds later* THERE'S DRAGONS IN HERE!!! AAAHHHH!!
  • Pipes! playing the nervous game with Maxwell and his failure to play a similar joke on Ferr with state names. The punchline of which was sadly lost.
  • Maxwell shows how magic should work: Instant Flight
  • Oyster + a several second delay on the video stream...
• Also, the Tale of Sephiroth Goku the Stampede! Here's the intro:
  pipes!: Let me tell you about my D&D character. ... He's from my favourite animes! ... He has a red trenchcoat and he has a gun, but he only shoots the gun to hurt things, 'cause he doesn't believe in killing.
• When they do a playthrough of Kirby Super Star, at one point, Kirby (played by pipes!) and Maxwell get a hold of the Parasol power. What follows is a couple minutes of pipes! and Ferr dandifying it up and speaking in effeminate, Upper-Class Twit-style voices.
  Maxwell: How does the internet react to our Kirby playing?
  Ferr: They're talking about Monopoly.
  Maxwell: That sounds about right.
• QWOP.
  • 50+ minutes of incredibly raucous laughter and giggling, over attempting to get a ragdoll-like man to very slowly nudge himself along, even managing to cross a hurdle at 50m completely on his knees. Accentuated by the brilliant song choices. You haven't lived, son; not until you've witnessed the defeat of QWOP to the tune of "Baby Elephant Walk".
  • "We're off to a good start!" (runner promptly faceplants)
  • pipes! lamenting the lack of a slide whistle.
  • While playing "Born To Run", QWOP looks like he's air guitar-ing. And then he's skipping to "Walking On Sunshine".
  • At the end of the LP, they find a video of a Japanese user who cleared the course in about two and a half minutes, much to the Astronauts' chagrin. That guy botches the long jump at the very end of the run, his foot registering right at the start of the sand pit... meaning the Astronauts STILL had a better overall score than he did.
• Their LP of The Oregon Trail, in which Ferr hulks out during a hunting trip and manages to kill four animals. Nothing else comes onto the screen so he assumes he's wiped out the local population.
  • The entire LP of Oregon Trail is amazing. Particularly the fact that at the very first river, less than 4 feet deep, Ferr decides to ford the river, resulting in it tipping over and Maxwell's character instantly drowning. From then on, everybody in the wagon basically cycles through diseases and broken limbs.
  • Ferr: I just took a Gatorade money-shot.
  • "Evek has dysentery, better make a diaper out of his beard."
    • "Did you just say 'diss-sent-tree'?"
• Ferr's seeming inability to keep drinks in their containers, and out of his eyes.
• Rampart causes quite a bit of hilarious rage over failure caused by both incompetence and bad luck.
  pipes!: Why, yes, I do love to chug-a-lug cocks; 'cause my name's Maxwell. I carry around a thermos of semen everywhere I go, I like to keep it cold and frosty.
• About halfway through the first intermission of the Wii Sports Resort LP (about halfway through) while playing Restaurant Panic they find the ice level, whereupon they start a slew of ice/cold puns. Over half of these puns are in the style of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin.
• Their LP of the first level of Killer7 deserves mention, as it mainly consists of them wandering around the game confused and not understanding anything. Eventually they have to call in a Killer7 expert to guide them through. Their reactions to most of the odd things in the game are extremely funny.
  pipes!: Incoming ghost-bomb off the port bow... and you got suicide hump-bombed, son!
• North Vs South. Any fort mission.
• Their first Bomberman video. Any time someone brings up the disease item (which they use STD related innuendo to refer to) and which LPer is controlling which colored Bomberman.
  • Adding to the humor of the video was the comments from a livestream which were posted into the video. In these discussions various goons, including Diabetes and CherryDoom, place bets on the winner, spread communist propaganda, and argue over being the father/mother of other goons.
  • Then there was the CPU controlled character who appeared to be glitched as it continued to run back and forth around the area it started in. After a few minutes of going at each other, Ferr finally decides to go after the computer only for the computer to move out of the way at the last second while Ferr managed to trap himself between his own bomb and the explosion from one of Evek's bombs. The next round Ferr attempted to kick bombs at the computer's position from afar only to immediately get caught in the chain blast from his own bomb. At this point everyone was convinced that the computer's apparent glitch was an elaborate strategy to make the human players drop their guards then trick them into killing themselves.
  Ferr: He did not "get me good." I got myself.
  • Stream question: "Which of you would make the best Highlander, but remember, there can be only one". Cue Collective Groan.
    • Of course, the collective groan comes when the question is answered ("Maxwell, by default") by Ferr, Pipes, and Evek all dying at once.
• In this Link to the Past video, the others mock Ferr for having seen Knowing by himself, especially Diabetus.
  Diabetus (in Nic Cage voice): Ferr, did you go see my movie by yourself? That's just fuckin' sad.
• Also in the Link to the Past playthrough, the moment when they discover the existence of the infamous "Evek/Seaman" fanart.
  • Towards the beginning of the video we have the "20 Impressions 1 Cup" skit, with special guests Nicholas Cage, Bill Clinton, Dudley Do-Right, John F. Kennedy, and others:
    Wolf Shirt: Oh god, it's every terrible thing!
    Diabetus: (as Louie Anderson) I'M LOUIE ANDERSON AND I ATE THE CUP!
    Wolf Shirt: (as everyone cracks up) NOOOOO!
• Ferr's spasmodic dancing in between levels in Shaq Fu.
  "Do do DO do do dodo do do do do DO do do dodo do do DELELELELELE"
  • Ferr has sung this in a number of videos, such as the beginning of the Atari video during Adventure, and pipes! sings it at the start of Toejam & Earl. Apparently it's a reference to something, anyone have any idea what?
• Someone made a video putting together many of the times Ferr's gotten hurt- accidentally or because of the other Astronauts.
  Ferr: You really... bruised my ego. (punching noises) Oh, no, it hurts!
• Ferr in the 3rd Space Quest IV video.
  "LETTUCE! PICKLES! MAYO! MUSTARD! KETCHUP! TOP OF THE BUN!!"
  • Maxwell skips the opening cutscene the second time despite the livestream viewers not having seen it properly the first time^*something to do with colors or somesuch. The option for this is "Skip it", so of course, Ferr speaks the lyrics to a nostalgic toy commercial.
  • The elevator incident in Space Quest II as seen here.
  Maxwell: (typing) please for the love of god just go
  Game Text: *to much laughter* I don't understand "god".
• BALL AND CUP! BALL AND CUP! BALL AND CUP!
  • NEW GAME PLUS!
• The Fish woman
• The Astronauts turn Atari racing classic Enduro into some kind of tribal ritual.
  DRIVE. DRIVE. DRIVE. DRIVE. YES. YES. YES. NO!!
• STRATEGY! FUCK!
• From Power Stone 2,
  I got a trident!
  I got a MURDERCYCLE!
• From Power Stone 1, Ferr's losing streak.
• From their test video of Trespasser, after finally running into dinosaurs Maxwell does what any sensible person would do in this situation: unload their entire clip on the brontosaurus' neck, throws the pistol at it then picks the gun back up so he could try to kill the brontosaurs by pistol whipping its leg.
  • Then after encountering their first killable dinosaur, the Astronauts note how cute the raptor looks. After killing it Maxwell proceeds to pet it then spank it.
• Kerbal proves why the Freelance Astronauts will never be real astronauts https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROMzpulFf4M
• Maxwell, Evek, and Irregular Hunter accidentally hijack a Star Trek RP server. Many crazy hijinks ensue.
  • More chaos.
• Diabetus steps into the ring for Worms Reloaded, and things happen.
  Ridley: Told ya I could fly!
• Maxwell, Evek, Irregular Hunter, and Drakkel play an all-Charger mutation in Left 4 Dead 2. It does not go well.
• How could you all have forgotten the Overlord LP? In which they come up with the next big animated family film: ''Batshit Crazy''.
• During a guest stream of Analgun's Left 4 Dead 2 gameplay, during a mutation mode where crouching lets you move at insane speed, at one point Maxwell gets a hold of a chainsaw. He then proceeds to run down irregularhunter.
• Robot Dinosaurs that shoot Beams when they Roar had all 4 astronauts laughing hysterically throughout the entire video.
• The half hour of gameplay that is the SimCity playthrough is made entirely of this. It begins with them attempting to name their town "Dongville" but upon realizing that they're only allowed 1 less letter than there is in Dongville they settle on the name Dongvile. It only gets worse from there.
  • Their first building is a nuclear power plant; after zoning exactly one residential area, they build another nuclear plant right across from the other one.
  • Upon building a fire station, it is decided that instead of firetrucks, there will instead be a toot-toot Firetrain running between the station and the one industrial zone. Yes, you read that right. A Firetrain.
  • A set of 4 commercial zones is built across a river from everything else, meaning that no cars should feasibly be able to get over there. Which is a perfect excuse for building a massive parking lot bigger than a zone.
    • Which then has one lonely park built inside it for good measure.
• During their LP of Pepsiman, when Evek and Ferr thought of one the many obstacles of the game (tumbleweeds) were rocks:
  Maxwell: Well, rocks don't generally blow across the road like that.
  Ferr: (deadpan) You've never heard of rock 'n roll?
• From The Simpsons:
  Maxwell Adams: Firemen; better kick their asses.
  Ferr: Why do the firemen wanna hurt us?
  • One advantage of emulating an arcade game:
  Ferr: It's a good thing I somehow put in several hundred quarters.

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