Harry: This book belongs to Harry Potter. Ron: Shared by Ron Weasley because his fell apart. Hermione: Why don't you buy a new one then? Ron: Write on your own book, Hermione. Hermione: You bought all those Dungbombs on Saturday, you could have bought a new book instead. Ron: Dungbombs rule.
On the copyright page, there is a failed game of hangman (the word is "acromantula", Ron's greatest fear) with a doodle of a spider and the words "you die Weasley", a tic tac toe game, and the words "Harry loves" followed by the crossed-out words "Moaning Myrtle."
Ron draws the logo of the Chudley Cannons, his favorite Quidditch team, on the table of contents page. Harry writes under it, "Write a decent team in my book for a change, Weasley."
In the section "A Brief History of Muggle Awareness of Fantastic Beasts", Harry circles the word "brief" and writes "you liar."
Brother Benedict, a Muggle monk, once encountered a Jarvey (a magical beast that is more or less a large, hostile, talking ferret) which shouted, "Get out of it, baldy!" and bit him on the nose. The friar he talked to did not believe he'd met a talking ferret and asked him if he'd been drinking Brother Boniface's turnip wine.
The classification list had a note next to XXXXX (the most dangerous): "Or everything that Hagrid likes."
The lowest danger rating is X, which means a beast is so utterly harmless that it's considered boring.
Ron puts no fewer than nine extra X's in the Acromantula entry. The entry also mention that there's unconfirmed rumors about acromantulas in Scotland, which Harry and Ron write that they confirm those rumors.
The mournful cry of the Augurey was once believed to foretell death, which made it so feared that wizards would have heart attacks when they heard it (a footnote at the bottom refers to an in-universe book, Why I Didn't Die When the Augurey Cried). Further research revealed that an Augurey only cries when it's about to rain. Uric the Oddball, an eccentric wizard, had 50 pet Augureys; during the winter, they cried and moaned so often that he was convinced he'd become a ghost and tried to walk through the walls of his house, resulting in what his biographer describes as "a concussion of ten days' duration."
It is rumored that Fizzing Whizzbees (a magical sweet) are made with dried Billywing stings. Harry writes, "last time I eat them then."
The Clabbert has a pustule on its head that glows red when danger is approaching. American wizards used to keep Clabberts in their trees to warn of approaching Muggles, but they had to stop because too many Muggles living next to wizards were asking why they still had their Christmas lights on in June.
Listening to a Fwooper's song for too long will drive a person to insanity. Uric the Oddball tried to prove that it was actually good for one's health and listened to it for three months on end. He brought his findings to the Wizards' Council; they were not convinced because he showed up naked and wearing a dead badger on his head.
Someone, probably Harry or Ron, circles the "bum" in "Glumbumble." note This might require some explanation for non-British readers; In British English, "bum" is slang for "butt"
The pixie is classified as not very dangerous if handled by an expert, but there's a note next to the entry that the pixie is very dangerous if you are Gilderoy Lockhart.
The hippogriff entry said that the animal had to be handled by experts. Of course, the entry had a note from Harry asking if Hagrid ever read the book. The kappa had a similar note, noting that Snape obviously never read the book either.note In the third book, Snape said that the kappa is from Mongolia, when, in truth, they're Japanese.
"My name is Gregory Goyle and I smell." Written next to the entry on trolls for bonus points.
The book's intro talks about how wizardkind sought to differentiate between "beings" and "beasts", with the first classification of a "being" being anything that walks on two legs. This subsequently leads to chaos at a meeting of all these "beings": trolls smash the place up, hags look for children to eat, and Augureys make a huge din. Ultimately, the wizard in charge of opening the meeting runs cursing from the hall after slipping on some Porlock dung.
And of course Janus Thickey's "last words", a scribbled note saying:
"Oh no, a Lethifold's got me, I'm suffocating"
And later it turned out that he was actually having an affair with a local barmaid. Naturally, his wife was not pleased.note Also, once you think about it, the execution of his plan was terrible. The news of someone being able to fight back a Lethifold long enough to write a note confirming they were attacked by one would've spread fast and people who spotted Janus would've notified the family that he's alive in less than a hour. Lethifolds live in the tropics but we never find out if he was there at the time or not, he left a scribbled note but the bed was otherwise tidy when if you have time to write a note you will certainly try to put up a fight...
How not-pleased was she? Well, we don't get any details, but it's telling that, as seen in Order of the Phoenix, there is an entire ward named for Janus at St. Mungo's Hospital. It's devoted to people suffering from long-term or permanent magical injury.
Underneath "Chimaera eggs are classified as Grade A Non-Tradeable Goods", Harry writes "So Hagrid'll be getting some any time now".
Under the section for mermaids, it is noted that the selkies of Scotland and the Merrows of Ireland are less beautiful than sirens (a.k.a. the things you think of as mermaids). Harry crosses out "less beautiful" and just writes "ugly."
A Runespoor is a magical snake with three heads. The left head makes the plans, the middle head gets lost in dreams, and the right head criticizes what the other two do by hissing loudly. Runespoors are sometimes seen with only two heads because the left and middle head got so annoyed with the right one that they bit it off.
The 2017 edition has a new introduction by Newt himself. In it he takes time to refute the outlandish claims that Rita Skeeter has written in her new biography about him: Man or Monster. Her most outlandish claim has to be seen to be believed:
"It would take months to contradict every other wild assertion in Miss Skeeter’s book. I shall simply add that, far from being ‘the love rat who left Seraphina Picquery heartbroken’, the President made it clear that if I didn’t leave New York voluntarily and speedily, she would take drastic steps to eject me."note Given that Seraphina Picquery ordered her Aurors to blow up Credence, we can see just why Newt took her advice. One can presume she'd probably literally throw him out.
Officer: First trip to America? Newt: Yes. [One of the locks of Newt's suitcase spontaneously opens, and Newt desperately tries to cover it up] Newt: ...I must get that fixed. Officer:Anything edible in there? [Newt quickly turns the switch on that makes his suitcase Muggle Worthy] Newt:Um... uh... no. No. Officer:Any livestock? [Officer checks the suitcase and sees only normal contents] Newt:No. Officer:[beat] Welcome to New York.
The Niffler. When it escapes from Newt's suitcase into a bank, Newt tracks it down to a bank vault, wallowing among the contents of a safe deposit box ("Really?"). He scoops it up, and it gives him a cute look — then he turns it upside down and a small mountain of coins, jewels and gold bars falls out of its storage pouch. Then Newt tickles the Niffler to get more to fall out!
Later, when it's escaped again, he and Jacob find it pilfering trinkets in a jewelry shop, made even funnier when it tries to pose as adisplay dummy — followed by Newt making a face that screams "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!" when he sees this. Newt proceeds to clamber all over the cases trying to retrieve it, smashing various articles, and at one point ends up swinging from the shop's chandelier. Meanwhile Jacob's waiting outside, getting more and more nervous as the noise level rises — and then one of the catches on Newt's suitcase flips open, and something within roars.Poor Jacob.
And then the cops show up. Jacob, covered with jewelry from the store the niffler was rummaging through, points down the street and says, "They went that way officer".
Jacob is suddenly introduced to magic when Newt pulls him with Accio to retrieve his Occamy egg, and is suddenly apparated. Jacob is so shocked that he has to take a moment to process what just happened.
When Newt sees that his Niffler has squeezed its way into the bank's gold safe, he very casually opens it with no regard for the fact that he's literally breaking into a bank vault. Mr. Bingley catches them, thinking he's trying to rob the bank, and rings the alarm, only for Newt to then cast Petrificus Totalus on him. All the while Jacob is still wondering just what in the world he is seeing.
Mere moments after Newt shakes all the gold out of his Niffler, Jacob sees that cops are coming down the stairs to investigate, and promptly starts begging and screaming for them to not shoot, only to be warped by Newt again.
While Newt and Tina are in the Wand Permit Office, she hides behind her desk when Abernathy comes in, then awkwardly pokes her head up when he asks her if she butted into another Investigative Team meeting. Even Newt is amused by this according to the screenplay.
When Newt and Tina find Jacob, there is a brief discussion about wizard and No-Maj relations in America, with Newt mentioning that he finds the fact that they can't even marry No-Majs ridiculous. Tina's response is to point at Jacob and ask who would marry him. Jacob, while bleary from the murtlap bite, still looks offended at this.
When Newt and Jacob are in Tina and Queenie's apartment as the sisters prepare dinner, Newt's itching to leave and is heading for the door. Queenie curtails him by asking if he prefers pie or strudel. When he nervously says he doesn't have a preference, she turns to ask Jacob — who's already seated and tucking in a napkin, with an eager smile on his face.
This conversation between Tina and Queenie as they're setting the table, where Queenie learns what Tina had for lunch:
Queenie: Hotdog, again? Tina:[annoyed] Don't read my mind. Queenie:[disapprovingly] Not a very wholesome lunch...
The ending of the official teaser has Newt descend into his suitcase while Jacob watches with wide eyes, a mug halfway to his mouth. Then Newt whistles, his hand beckoning from the suitcase, and Jacob can only point at himself in bewilderment.
Even better in the movie itself: when Newt climbs into his suitcase, Jacob lets out a loud, shocked "PAHA!" before Newt calls him over.
It's very likely that Queenie put a little bit of Giggle Water into his hot cocoa. Help you sleep better, you know...
Then as Jacob is getting in, he makes it about halfway before getting stuck and struggles to get himself the rest of the way in. He hops in place, suitcase and all, and you can see the lack of anything under the case when it leaves the floor.
Kowalski's reaction to seeing all the magical weirdness around him and accepting it:
Kowalski:[marveling at all the Fantastic Beasts] I don't think I'm dreaming. Newt:Really, what gave it away? Kowalski: I ain't got the brains to make this up.
This exchange, if only for Newt's blunt way of saying it:
Newt: People like you, don't they, Mr. Kowalski? Jacob: Oh, well, uh, I'm sure they like you too. Newt: Not really, no, I annoy people. Jacob: [not really sure how to react] ...Oh.
Before the cops can apprehend Newt and Jacob, a lion suddenly appears behind them, casually walking on the sidewalk.
Newt: You know, New York is considerably more interesting than I expected!
Another rather comical thing about this scene. Notice the weapons the cops are using. Each one has a shotgun. Thanks to that lion, we will never know if a muggle with a shotgun can defeat a wizard.
And then as Newt and Jacob arrive in Central Park, an ostrich runs past them. The confused noise that Jacob makes is priceless.
And then Newt hands Jacob a helmet to protect him from the Erumpent they're looking for.
Jacob: Why — why would I have to wear something like this? Newt: Because your skull is susceptible to breakage under immense force.
And THEN he laces him into some body armor while telling him not to worry.
Jacob: Tell me, has anyone ever believed you when you told them not to worry? Newt: Well, my philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice.
Newt's bizarre mating dance to lure the Erumpent toward him and away from the hippo.
Also, the extremely confused look on the hippo as the Erumpent has him cornered, looking to mate.
The Erumpent chasing Jacob across Central Park in an effort to mate with him. With a romantic score playing, to boot! And Jacob Screaming Like A Little Girl as he runs.
At one point, Jacob climbs a tree to try to escape the Erumpent. It works about as well as you'd expect. The Erumpent touches the trunk with her horn and then stands back to wait for it to fall over. Fall over, it does, and the chase resumes across a frozen pond.
While Jacob deals with the Erumpent, a baboon steals Newt's wand, and he tries to get it back.
How does Newt get his wand back? He doesn't swipe it away himself, but the baboon begins smacking the wand into a rock business-end-first, and it randomly discharges, sending the ape flying into a pen.
Tina explains the escape of the magical creatures to the MACUSA, then sets a briefcase on the floor and knocks on it. Newt emerges, only visible from the chest up.
When Queenie and Jacob try to break into Graves' office, she tries different unlocking charms to no avail and doesn't know what to do. Then Jacob just kicks the door in...
Kowalski in the magic speakeasy has a taste of Giggle Water. Cue a sudden high-pitched laugh that left the audience rolling in the aisles.
Then, in the midst of all the chaos of everyone fleeing, Kowalski makes a point to stop and drink another before leaving with the others. Cue another high-pitched laugh just before they Apparate.
Before this, he arrives at the bar and asks if there's anyone who can get him a drink — not noticing the tiny house elf bartender. This exchange follows:
Bartender: What, ain'tcha ever seen a house elf before? Jacob: Sure. I love house elves. My uncle'sa house elf.
On a meta level, Eduardo Lima, one of the graphic designers for this series as well as the Potter series, inserted the headline "No-Maj singer is a goblin" into one of the prop newspapers.
Newt objecting to Queenie naming Ilvermorny as the best magical school in the world, and defending Hogwarts' own claim.
Jacob: Is there a school, a wizardry school, here in America? Queenie: Of course! Ilvermorny. It's only the best wizard school in the whole world! Newt: I think you'll find the best wizarding school in the world is Hogwarts. Queenie: Hogwash!
Made even funnier when, after Queenie says that, Newt looks up with the most offended look on his face.
When Credence's Obscurus is rampaging around New York towards the end, Newt tries to go after him, giving his bag of magical creatures over to Tina to hold it for him before apparating off to find Credence. Tina holds it for a moment before handing it off to Queenie saying she needs to hold it so she can go after Newt. Then Queeniehands it over to Jacob and starts trying to go after Tinabefore Jacob stops her.
Freeze-Frame Bonus adds to the hilarity. Newt hands over the case with an "If I Do Not Return," and says that everything Tina needs to know to care for the beasts is in a book (presumably, the first draft of his manuscript). Tina then hands the case to Queenie... but keeps the book. So if neither of them return, well...
After days of his beasts escaping his suitcase and wreaking havoc, Newt finally secures the suitcase better so none of them can escape again. By tying it up with string.
display dummy — followed by Newt making a face that screams "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!" when he sees this. Newt proceeds to clamber all over the cases trying to retrieve it, smashing various articles, and at one point ends up swinging from the shop's chandelier. Meanwhile Jacob's waiting outside, getting more and more nervous as the noise level rises — and then one of the catches on Newt's suitcase flips open, and something within roars. Poor Jacob.
