Funny / Fall of Starfleet, Rebirth of Friendship

Despite the dark tone of the story, there are some genuinely funny moments.

Spoilers ahead!

Fall of Starfleet, Rebirth of Friendship

• Surprisingly, Dark Conquest is incredibly funny. He's so over the top about his villainy you can't help but laugh:
  “And you think I am the bad guy in all of this! I mean, yeah, I rape, murder, commit genocide, rape, devastate worlds, write bad fanfiction about a show I hate, steal, rape, blow up planets on a whim, kill, murder children, cause wanton murder on a global scale, and rape animals,” he then looked down to the ground in tears, “poor Bambi’s mom, but at least I am honest about my evil!”
• When Luna goes into Celestia's dream, the sight of her sister about to consummate her relationship with Discord gives Luna the fitting reaction of "Do not want to see my sister get laid, abort, abort!!!"
  • Unfortunately, she later hears her sister get laid at the Crystal Empire due to Discord transporting all the sound of his and Celestia's lovemaking into her room!
  Luna: Discord!!!! I’ll see you hang for this!!!
  Discord's teleported letter: You mean "well hanged" dear. Well, that’s what Celestia thinks. Love Discord.
• When Mykan found out about this fic, he made a comment (which was later removed by a moderator) on FIMFiction's version, stating, "You had no right to steal my characters and riff my fic". Hypocritical, no?
• Rainbow Dash stopping by the library to pick up a few books for Fluttershy and settling on Felidae. Understandably, Belle voices her concern. Rainbow then reassures her that Fluttershy can handle the harsher stuff, citing Watership Down as an example, to which Belle responds with "How bad can that be?" The joke is sold when Fluttershy turns out to enjoy both.
• When trying to negotiate an alliance with the Diamond Dogs, Rarity demands to be taken to their leader. When the Dogs prove unwilling to do so, she attempts to get their cooperation by threatening to whine at them. It works.
• When it's time for the group to get dressed for the party, we see Rarity going full-on dressmaker mode. The girls act like Rarity has turned into a serial killer and then ends with Rarity grabbing the still floating ice cream after whisking away the pony who was holding it.
  • At the party, Rarity explains her fan is green and purple because "it’s Canterlot tradition for a royal knight to wear the colors of their beloved on their body. My fan is green and purple to match my dear Spikey-Wikey". That's when Rainbow Dash realizes why the cuffs of her uniform are in yellow and pink stripes.
• Grand Ruler's hilariously terrible passwords for his computer systems.
  Lyra: What was the master code again? Oh yeah, 'Friendship is Pathetic'. Not subtle, are they?
  
  Trixie: If Trixie was an egotist that wanted to pretend she wasn't an egotist... what would she put down as a password? Oh, of course, it's Grand Ruler, so it would be...
  Ditzy: 12345!
  Trixie: Come on, only an idiot would make that their combination. (tries the password; it works) How does he even function?
  • Becomes a Brick Joke later on, when the Umbra Circle breaks into Starlight Glimmer's computer... with the password "111111eq111111". Which, admittedly, is a lot more secure than what Grand Ruler comes up with.
• When Fluttershy is facing the assassin Grand Ruler sent after her, it quickly moves to a battle of riddles, with a vine adding to the ones trying to squeeze them to death for every wrong answer. A tense moment, and then Fluttershy asks:
  “W-what sits in a tree, weighs six ounces and is very dangerous?”
  • Even better, the assassin answers right.
• The end of the battle for the Crystal Empire:
  There was a flash of dark magic, and then Sombra sat there before them, a normal unicorn, “What on earth?”
  
  “It’s the Staff of Null, it has the power to take away and disable all magic in a ten mile radius. All magic, which means you can’t hold onto your smoke form any longer or perform any spells,” Belle said, sitting down.
  
  Applejack walked up to the kneeling Sombra, “Shame, see I tend to think I am still strong even without Earth pony strength.”
  
  “Well, if you ain’t up to it, I can help. I just can’t fly,” Dash said, walking alongside her best friend.
  
  “Oooh, can I share a punch?” Pinkie asked pronking to stand with her friends.
  
  Glarity shook her head, “Now ladies, I think we should be nice and let Sombra decide who gets first punch.”
  
  “You-You can’t do this to me! I am your king! I am darkness, I am the black void of your soul. I am fear,” Sombra said, backing away with fear in his eyes “I am-”
  
  “Our punching bag!” the quintet said together as they began to let loose a whole day’s worth of aggression on Sombra.
• In chapter 13 Spike and Rarity make love for five hours straight, and it's so hot the narration describes it as "five hours of a sex scene so hot I couldn't write it". Then Spike says he hopes they didn't wake up anyone... Cut to the Knights of Harmony in the Crystal Empire, Tirek in Tartarus and Conquest in his lair, all awakened by the noise-with Conquest approving.
• "Expose of the Past" has two funny bits in Shining Spark's flashback segments as she writes about her colleagues.
  • Her section on Ditzy starts with Spark being shooed out of the kitchen and forced to rest on the couch by Ditzy, who had apparently done the same with all of the Umbra Circle by threatening to ground them if they didn't take the day off. Princess Luna is there, implying that Ditzy Doo threatened to ground Princess Luna.
  • The flashback with Carrot Top has Spark and several others watching Carrot sitting in front of a fireplace, wondering what she's thinking. She simply smiles while holding a wrench as a screaming Trixie runs out of the shower cursing in terrible French about the hot water being sabotaged.
• Rarity haggling with a vendor for a diamond bow, which culminates in the vendor claiming that she'd make a good elephant for her, only for Rarity to melodramatically take offense at the comment by taking it as a jab at her appearance rather than a compliment for her haggling ability and finally get a decent price out of him. The vendor is an actual elephant. This also sets up a Brick Joke with the Aerophants, who also insult regular elephants and talk in such a way that it's nigh-impossible not to imagine them with snooty British accents.
• After the battle with the Aerophants, Rainbow Dash doesn't want to go to the hospital. Fluttershy scolds her into it... And Applejack just happens to have a whip in her hands.
• When Starla and a few escaped prisoners of Dark Conquest are stranded in a universe that Dark Conquest took over, Starla gets some help from none other than the Reds and Blues.
  Sarge: Come on Grif, we finally found something you’re good at. Food hunting.
  Grif: Aw, but that sounds like work!!
  Caboose: What do we pegasai do?
  Starla: Flyers, I want you to take to the sky and find out if there are anyone who’s alive in this dimension. Also, shelter.
  Caboose: Oh, I love home hunting!
• Dark Conquest's middle name is revealed to be "Ignatius". It's made particularly funny by Raven's reaction when she figures out what his initials spell:
  Raven: You're a DIC?!
  Conquest: And a proud one!
• Rarity giving birth in Sugarcube Corner is one from beginning to end, from her cursing out Spike repeatedly to crushing Applejack's hand ("How the buck is this hurting worse than the freaking boar?!") to Fluttershy remaining completely calm and professional throughout the process.
  Applejack: Dash, promise me, when I get pregnant and go into labor... knock me out so ah don't put y'all through this.
  Rainbow: You kidding? When you go into labor, I am flying to Cloudsdale and never looking back!
  Applejack: Gee, thanks, glad to know ah'll have your support in my time of need.
  • Applejack and Rainbow Dash, the two major frontline fighters in the Knights of Harmony who've been in the middle of more scraps than any other pony in Equestria, have naturally racked up their share of injuries and fought through them... and Rarity giving birth turns out to be the thing that finally puts them through unbearable pain.
    Fluttershy: Applejack, take a hand you won't be using for a few days and let Rarity hold onto it.
    Applejack: What do ya mean, not usinGAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
• This amazing commentary about Starfleet "armor", courtesy of Rarity:
  “This might as well be spandex for all of the good protecting it does! And whoever heard of armor that sparks upon impact?! I swear, it’s like this armor was designed for a tv show where you need sparks for the hit detection.”
• For a bit of meta humor, the fact that Starfleet Nemesis exists in-universe, as evidenced by Cheerilee reading it. How that got past the GR's radar is anyone's guess.
  • There's also the fact that in Starfleet Nemesis's universe, this fanfic is a TV show. So Cheerilee is reading a book about ponies watching her TV show about her reading their book about ponies watching her TV show about her reading their book. Your head may explode now.
  • Even the author got in on the fun.
• While the fight between Titan and the Mane Five is more awesome than funny, Pinkie whacking Titan in the family jewels is good for a quick laugh.
• Lightning and Krysta's reactions to finding out who Rep, Mysterious, and Dementia are.
  • Particular mention goes to Dementia.
  Lightning: HOLY CELESTIA ON HIGH, YOU’RE [Starla’s] MOTHER?!?
• The reason why Shaina works for Grand Ruler? Undying Loyalty, Fantastic Racism, deep-seated hatred? Nope, paying off student loans. One sympathizes.
  • After the Umbra Circle are gathered on Serpentari's bridge, Shaina reveals that she was ordered to hit the Self-Destruct Mechanism if things went awry. She then apologizes and then declares that she quits.
• More awful passwords from Grand Ruler:
  Ditzy: Just remember, the password is probably "54321".
  Trixie: Oh, come on! Even Grand Imbecile wouldn't be so stupid as to put in a worse password!
  (...)
  Ditzy: Hang on, we're getting you all out of here. Let's see, "54321".
  Lyra: Ditz, he isn't that stupid. (the door opens) HOW HAS HE BEEN KEEPING US UNDER HIS RULE FOR FIVE YEARS!
  (...)
  Trixie looked down and began to type away on the keypad. "OK, now let's see if Grand Ruler is as stupid-" As she input the passcode, her eyes opened wide in shock as she got a response. This then led her to bang her head against the wall, muttering small expletives.
• In order to infiltrate Serpentari, the Umbra Circle mug a group of Starfleet guards for their uniforms. The problem: most of the uniforms are too small. It takes four attempts to get fitting uniforms for all of them.
• When they get aboard the station, the Circle discusses how exactly they're supposed to find where they need to go, and this exchange happens:
  Cheerilee: Maybe if they gave out a map or something, it will be easier.
  Trixie: Now that is ridiculous. Trixie knows that Grand Hobo is a moron, but he wouldn't be so stupid as to give out floor plans to the soldiers so enemies can easily use them to their advantage.
  Pilot: Hey guys, Grand Ruler knows that the ship is kind of large, and he tends to get lost easily on board the station. So he has orders to give out maps of the station to each and every soldier that boards the station so they, and in effect he, doesn't get lost.
  Trixie: Every time Trixie tries to give him the benefit of the doubt... Raindrops, hit him!
  Raindrops: Will do. (punches out the pilot)
  Ditzy: Was that really necessary? I thought we wanted to keep a few awake.
  Trixie: He made me mad.
• Another hilariously morbid moment courtesy of Dark Conquest: When Celestia interrupts his attempted Breaking Speech by demanding that he talk to her in one hour, Conquest gripes about what he's supposed to do for a whole hour. He decides that since Grand Ruler's corpse is still warm, there's no sense in letting it go to waste... Of course, the fact that this is Grand Ruler makes it funnier than it probably would be if it were anyone else.
• While Trixie's fight with Shaina is awesome, one cannot ignore the hilariousness of it all. From the dancing, to the fact that Trixie found Shaina's teddy bear and had her kill it.
• After Grand Ruler's death, Discord shows a movie of what he did after his supposed death and how he mostly explored the universe... Then it gets to the point he realizes he's in love with Celestia, and planets, moons, asteroids and suns tell him to go to her, at which point he jumps on a Harley Davidson with the license plate "Q" and does just that, leaving fiery skid trails behind him as he exchanges high fives with planets. Then we get to the reactions:
  The ponies, with the exception of Celestia, Pinkie, and Fluttershy, stood there in shock at that scene. Discord, on the other hand, continued his story as if the proceeding events were normal.
• Celestia convincing Discord to marry her after he refused by decreeing that no Draconequus will marry an Alicorn.
  Discord paused at this, feeling his eyebrow twitch, “A, decree? Are...are you issuing me a command?”
  Celestia paused, before nodded, “Why yes, I do believe I am issuing you a command.”
  Discord’s eyes narrowed and his red pupils blazed in fury, “Listen here toots! Nopony, and I do mean nopony, issues me a command!!!!!” growing to a monstrous size, he shouted, “You are going to get married tonight Princess and you are going to like it!!!”
  “Tonight? Right now? But my decree and the setting,” Celestia said, acting shocked as she looked at Discord, shaking.
  “Don’t care!” Discord said, snapping his fingers and changing the room in a flash of bright light.
  In an instant, Celestia was dressed in a lavish orange-yellow wedding dress with a small opening in the back for her wings and an opening for her cleavage. In her hands was a bouquet of sunflowers.
  • The guests. On Celestia's side, half of Canterlot and Ponyville. On Discord's, he teleported in "a collection of chaotic beings from across the multiverse, Red Eye, Crystalline, a slew of other bad guys from other great fanfics, the Godhand, a killer clown being from Final Fantasy VI who identified himself as Kefka Palazzo, and of course...Sephiroth". At first none of the guests have any idea why they've suddenly found themselves in a church.
  • Luna's horror when she realizes what's happening and she's the Maid of Honor... And not noticing the best man is the Smooze.
  • Discord finally catching on.
• What Conquest does after telling Raven what she really is:
  Once he heard the door close behind him, he sat down with the figures and grabbed the Pinkie figure and the Belle figure, “Oh Belle, I need to tell you about how much I love you!”
  “Pinkie...Take me!” Conquest said in a falsetto voice, putting the figures together, making kissing noises.
  “Conquest! Are you playing with your figures again?!” shouted the Necromancer.
  “Yes!” Conquest said with pride.
• When Dark Conquest comes to Ponyville to kill Belle, we get this gem:
  “And now, to burn that little mare to death. I would pull her out, skin her alive, and then carve her up slowly, but I am not going to let somepony have a big damn heroes mom-”
  “Don’t you dare bucking touch her!” shouted Applejack as she decked Conquest in the face, sending him flying back.
  Back hitting a wall, Conquest slowly got back up from the impact, wiping the blood trickling down the side of his mouth, “Do you girls just spend your weekends practicing those big damn moments or is it just coming naturally to you?” he asked getting back up.
• At their first (and last) meeting, and in the middle of an otherwise tense moment, Belle has one thing to say when she sees Spark:
  “You’re me. But you can’t be, you are not scientifically possible.”
  • Similarly, Shining Armor's initial response to unmasking the Dark King is to ask "How are you possible?" Looks like it runs in the family.
• Trixie's initial response after telling Spark about Belle is to break out the liquor. Later, she turns up to visit the reborn Twilight completely sloshed and drunkenly slurring in French, and later asks her for forgiveness a second time due to being too drunk to remember the first.
• Turns out Twilight's idea of paradise is an endless library with bookshelves stretching out to infinity, filled with every book that ever was and ever will be written, free for her to peruse. Oh, Twilight, never change.
• Conquest being Conquest about the scar left him by Twilight Sparkle:
  “Ah, I’m letting it simmer there for a bit. I think it makes me look cool and I always wanted to say a certain line.”
  “Line?” asked Necromancer.
  Conquest then rubbed his chest, “I can’t forgive this scar she left on my chest. It burns even now with my desire for vengeance. It will not heal until I am avenged and she is gone.”
  “You left yourself burned for four days, and waited for me to come up here, just to say that line?!” growled Necromancer, putting a cloven hoof to his forehead while his red eyes looked down.
  • When the final battle comes, he still has the scar... And Twilight declares she expected him to do just that.
• Turns out Twilight Sparkle is from a family of such Ridiculous Procrastinators that her grandmother Kimono didn't tell her husband she was pregnant until she was in labor.
• After the final battle and everything is restored, the Ironic Punishments for Rhymey and Celesto:
  • Celesto is back as an Earth Pony colt. Also, his marriage is annulled for age reasons.
    “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
    • He's later conscripted in the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Also, his Cutie Mark is shown to be a leg kicking a chess board.
  • Rhymey, now a Pegasus, is seen being chased down by an overly obese Earth Pony with a ball and chain cutie mark.
    “Come back here and love your wife!!!!”
    “Get away from me she-devil!!!!”
• Emil Kudos' punishment: Discord finds evidence his grandmother was a Unicorn, and then turns him into one.
• The credits reveal who's supposed to voice Dark Conquest: Curtis Arnott, best known as Takahata101. You can now re-read the story and hear everything Dark Conquest says with Mr. Perfect Cell's voice for added hilarity. Or better yet, read his dialogue in Dartz's accent or Nappa's voice, if you never want to take the guy seriously ever again. Or Alucard's, considering they share a sense of humor.
• The omakes. All of them, but in particular this Next Generation bit:
  Emil Kudos sat on a couch, across from Shaina in the psycrist office, “You know what, after about eighteen years, I think I have finally realized that I am a bit of an asswipe.”
  “Oh, good, that puts you ahead of your friend over there,” Shaina said, looking at the white stallion with a cardboard horn.
  “Just you wait, I’ll be king again!” shouted Celesto.

Fall of Starfleet, Evolution of Friendship

• Madilyn and Sunset's first meeting with each other.
  Madilyn: Oh wow! So Jowar was right, your hair does look like bacon! Do you bite into it, taste it?
• Sunset's reaction after Madilyn first met Pinkie Pie:
  "God, there are two of them..."
• How does Madilyn get enrolled? With Sunset's 'Trick the School Board Into Thinking You're a Student' kit, much to Madilyn's surprise. And Celestia knows of it.
• Madilyn initially laughs when Sunset compares Celesto to Hitler, as it's almost a classic. Then she finds out he tried to make himself an anthem...
• This exchange after Grey Son explains he's the new PE teacher after what happened to the old one.
  Sunset: Yeah, shame about Mr. Cannon Fodder.
  Grey Son: That was his name?
  Madilyn: Yeah, surprisingly.
  Sunset: Hey, it's not as bad as Dead Meat.
  The student actually named Dead Meat: Hey! That's a family name!!!
  Madilyn: Ever think the names on this island are weird?
  Sunset: Actually, those names are normal where I come from.
• Madilyn and Sunset being unable to not stare at Grey Son's butt.
• Sunset Shimmer the ninja. And she learned it from Princess Celestia.
• Sunset's way to ask from Rainbow Dash about the parts of the Rainbooms' break-up she doesn't know about:
  "No! No more secrets! I want to know what happened, how it happened, and who I need to kill!"
• Sunset realizes that Buddy Rose needs more confidence to be able to help Starla pull a Heel–Face Turn... So she puts him into Pinkie's hands.
  "But I don't think I neeeeeeee-" gasped Buddy as he was taken away.