Funny / F is for Family

Season 1

• The first episode
  • Frank does not need a bible.
    Frank: I don't need a $25 bible to teach me about God! I almost bled out in Korea, alright!? I have met God!
  • The Scene right before the intro.
    Phillip: Can Bill come out and play?
    Frank: GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!
  • Frank is a huge fan of the Irish boxer Mickey Ireland, and defends him over his loss in his last match, which had been dubbed "The Bleedin' In Sweden" due to the referee stopping the match because Ireland was bleeding too much.
    Frank: He didn't lose because of the bleeding, he lost cause he was drunk!
  • Right before the end credits, while Frank is celebrating his promotion (due to his supervisor's death), Kevin yells "I'm trying to sleep!"
    Frank: Then close your eyes and shut the fuck up!
• The second episode:
  • Frank decides to take Kevin to work to teach him some respect for what Frank does to support the family, but decides to freak the shit out of him by telling Kevin he's being sold into the army as part of a troublesome youth program and is being shipped straight to Saigon that day, and that if he sees a small child running away from him in Vietnam, he's going to reveal his position to the enemy and Kevin should shoot him in the back of the head and mount him on his bayonet as a warning to the others. Once Kevin is blubbering and begging that he'll stop being such a jerk all the time if Frank wont sell him to the army, Frank reveals he was just messing with him.
    Frank: Come on, the army doesn't want deadbeat 14-year olds! They want deadbeat 18-year olds!
    Kevin: [pissed off] You are messed up, man!
  • Rosie is introduced being very cheerful and jovial with a couple on their way to Syracuse, who leave him a quarter. When they leave, he drops the act and says "Cheap-ass Syracuse motherfuckers. Hope your plane gets hijacked."
  • Pogo freaks out over a biscuit missing but finds it.
    Pogo: There's only three biscuits! It's supposed to have four! That's what's wrong with this country! (lifts up his gut)... oh, here it is.
  • Kevin sees a sign that says "Do not enter". He goes through it, "Like a sign's gonna tell me what to do." He almost gets run over by a baggage tractor.
    Kevin: Oh shit!
    • Frank goes looking for Kevin and walks through the same door... and is almost run over by another baggage tractor.
• This exchange in "F is for Halloween":
  Maureen: Cocksucker!
  Frank: What!? Where did you hear that!? (Beat) Oh, right. When your mother comes home, don't tell her I used that word.
  Kevin: What if she never comes home?
  Frank: DAH, YOU LITTLE COCKSUCKER! (Beat) Your brother made me say that!
• "Bill Murphy's Day Off":
  • During the strike negotiations, Bob Pogo responds to his employees' demands with an "offer", which is really a note saying "Go fuck yourself". Rosie counters this with a crude drawing of himself having sex with Mrs. Pogo on her husband's corpse.
  • Rosie's a pretty good source of funny:
    Pogo: I got a dozen scabs ready to go!
    Rosie: You got a dozen scabs on yo' titties, fat boy!
  • Bob Pogo complaining about pizza cheese stopping at the crust.
    Pogo: Why does the cheese stop at the crust? I like the crust.
  • When Frank tries to compromise:
    Rosie: Over my dead body.
    Pogo: Over his dead body. Shut up, Frank.
  • The robot bears' song interfering with the negotiations. Rosie is annoyed, but Bob Pogo throws a childish tantrum over the noise. Snub-Nose Louie, the mobster who is the president of the local union, puts an end to the noise by executing the Captain Chucklecrust animatronic using a pizza box as a suppressor for his gun. Afterward, he ominously warns everybody present, "You didn't see nothin'."
• After Bill is suspended from school, Kevin tells him to just forge Franks signature on the suspension form, because the school never bothers to check if it's real or not, then reveals that he's been suspended 37 times, and never once showed their parents the form.
  Kevin: The system is a joke! They suspend me because I'm a piece of shit, right? So then they give me a piece of paper, saying I'm said piece of shit. And then I'm supposed to get my parents to sign it?! Why the fuck would I do that?! I'm a piece of shit!

Season 2

• In the Season 2 opener, a despondent and unemployed Frank has this exchange:
  Frank: "I can't take it anymore Sue, I'm sick of all these fucking people looking at me thinking 'oh, you poor unemployed man'."
  Sue: "Frank, no one is thinking that."
  Jenny: "Hey there Sue, Frank, you poor unemployed man, how's the job search going?"
  Frank: "I should have died in Korea."
  • Frank threatening to put the hospital clerk through the wall.
• On Bill's first day as a paperboy, while fleeing from Jimmy (who threw a cat at him), he's almost hit by Mr. Holtenwasser, the kindly old German Holocaust survivor, who has this to say:
  GET ZE FUCK OUTTA ZE STREET YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCK...! (notices it's Bill) Oh hello, Bill!
• Phillip gets a few really good lines in season 2, but the timing on this one is just perfect:
  Randy: "Hey, you a cop, kid?!" (grabs Phillip) "You gotta tell me if you're a cop!"
  Phillip: (panicked) "No I don't, THAT'S A POPULAR MISCONCEPTION!!"
• A Girl Named Sue
  • Vic pouring cocaine on the steering wheel of his car which he snorts before he speeds off to work.
  Frank: He's going to kill someone, Sue.
  • Bob Pogo screams at Frank to get out after Frank tells him off, then happily says...
  Pogo: "Look at me! I'm standing!!"
  • Pogo has taken to eating healthier in an effort to slim down. By which we mean he's eating buckets of cottage cheese rather than his old diet of fried chicken and pizza. AND he eats the stuff with his bare hands.
• Phillip's wussiness is pretty much his defining trait. At one point, he mentions that whenever Jimmy beats him up he just curls up in fetal position and sings "Hot Crossed Buns" to himself.
  • After Phillip and Bill reconnect after falling out towards the end of season 2, Phillip reveals that he channels all his negative emotions into violent, gory drawings. He has several notebooks full of whoever he's angry at being mutilated and murdered. Jimmy Fitzsimmons by far has the most, one of them is even labeled "A World Without Jimmy".
  • He hasn't gotten better by season 3. He deals with his jealousy over Bill dating a girl named Bridget by pulling out his own eyebrows.
• Frank expressing his anger at the perceived levity television shows treat war.
  Maureen: Daaaad, not M*A*S*H again!!
• At one point, Bob Pogo hides in Frank's delivery truck while trying to get away from his asshole boss, and eats all the expired candy Frank has collected from the vending machines, along with most of his fresh inventory.
  • "Dolores...? I got kidnapped by a Puerto Rican who forced me to eat candy... Yes, 'again'!"
  • Becomes Brick Joke in season 3 when Bob runs into the Puerto Rican man who got blamed for his "kidnapping" and arrested.
    Bob: I dont know what he's talking about! This Puerto Rican is delusional!
• Bob Pogo has two That Came Out Wrong moments when he locks himself in Frank's truck, eating his inventory.

  Bob: "You fuck me, and I'm gonna fuck you! With my mouth!" (pause) "You know what I mean!"

  • A few seconds later, Frank tells Bob he needs to get home for Maureen's Honeybee meeting. This time, Bob's response is much quicker and he has an embarrassed look as if he knows he might have crossed a line.
    Bob: "Fuck your daughter!" (short pause) "You know what I mean!"
• The airline owner hires his nephew to replace Frank. Problem is, said nephew is completely fucking insane due to brain damage he received while playing pro baseball (not from getting hit by a ball, he got drunk after a bad game and ended up getting kicked in the head by a horse), and at one point can be seen throwing the airplane luggage into the jet engine. He also loudly talks about re-segregating baseball. He eventually gets himself killed with a bomb he took from a group of plane hijackers.
  • Literally just anything about Scoop is hilarious. From his funny appearance to him catapulting a suitcase into a plane's engine, and his brutal death he's just hilarious.
  • When he sees the hijackers (one of whom is a woman), he shouts "NO HAIRDRESSERS ON THE RUNWAY!"
  • "HOW DID THIS PLANE GET INTO MY APARTMENT?!"
  • "ALL HANDS ON DECK, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! WE ARE BEING INVADED!!" *tries to shoot down a passenger plane with a flare gun*
  • "GO BACK TO AFRICA!" *throws a black leather bag into a jet engine*
  • "Finders keepers doesn't apply to lost children!"
  • [drives baggage truck into totem pole] "FUCKING IMMIGRANTS!"
• Kevin's favorite band is a melodic rock n roll fantasy band called Shire of Frodo, but as is eventually revealed, they're actually just a poorly regarded back up band who almost no one else likes. When they open the show for the not-Led Zeppelin band Lifted Riffs they get booed and chased off the stage before they can play a single song.
  • Kevin's friends get sick of his insistance on playing melodic fantasy rock, kicks him out of the band in season 3, and becomes a Lifted Riffs cover-band called Throbbinson Crusoe, with Ben (the weird inbred neighbor kid) as a guitarist. They're an instant hit with the whole neighborhood.
• Rosey ends up getting Frank a job with his friend Smokey, who runs the Champagne Chariot vending machine company. Despite being the owner, Smokey still does deliveries in person, all the company trucks are falling apart, heavily vandalized, and with crude graffiti all of them, and Smokey himself is ridiculously demanding and borderline abusive. While showing Frank how the deliveries are done, he insists that the Hershey chocolate bars require a delicate touch.
  Smokey: Don't just shove them in like an animal! Gotta slide 'em in! Sliiide...
  • According to Smokey, the best part of the job is that you get to take home all the expired products.
    Smokey: This soda is as flat as yo' ass... but it's free!
    Frank: There was a mouse in mine...
• When Kevin is at the records store and feeling disillusioned, an old lady asks him to help her find some vintage music.
  "YOU HAD YOUR TIME! JUST DIE ALREADY!"
• The Reveal that Vic has been fired from the radio station several times before, but his drug use means that he's just been forgetting it and kept showing up for work every day. His boss finally corners him while sober and fires him for good
  • Not to mention Vic's idea of getting clean means "just" switching to whisky and pot use for his daily high, and restricting coke for special occasions.
  • Vic leading an insurrection in his house after it's revealed that Cutie Pie and Kevin were having sex.
    "Everybody out and don't forget to take your fuckin' gift bags!!"
    "Dragon on your shirt. Dragon on your shirt. Dragon on your shirt. Dragon on your shirt man!! Breathin' fire!! [Indulges on an entire bag of cocaine]
  • As shown throughout season 3, Vic's attempt at quitting drugs isn't going too well, his addictive personality means he just gets equally obsessed with whatever new thing he picks up to keep himself busy, and he keeps a "relapse kilo" of coke stashed in his water sofa.
• The rise and fall of preteen pop sensation Corey Mars, not to mention his ridiculous hit single "It's a Puppy Dog Cotton Candy Day". At one point in season 2, we see Corey appear on a talk show after he's arrested for possession, only to be released after an older aquintance claimed the jacket the drugs were found in was his. The jacket that was several sizes too small for him, and had the name "Corey" stitched on it.
  • In season 3, we find out that Corey's career tanked after he hit puberty and his voice broke. His albums are so unpopular now that the record store tries to sell them in batches of 10 for 1$, and he's been replaced by his younger brother Rory Mars.
• When Sue, distraught and having tried to self-medicate over finding out her million-dollar idea was going to be stolen by Henrietta Van Horn, calls home for a ride, Kevin tries in his own way to be helpful since his father isn't home to go pick up Sue.
  Kevin: [running around the neighborhood] MY MOM'S DRUNK! I NEED A RIDE TO GO PICK HER UP!

Season 3

• Season 3 introduces Phillip's little brother Anthony, who is mentally impaired and never stops rambling. At one point he gets drunk and passes out. Another time he tells Frank he saw where Bill went when he'd run away from home, only to tell Frank a bunch of useless information which of course ended with Frank screaming at him.
• Bill develops a crush on his bully Jimmy's little sister Bridget. He soon discovers that she's even worse than her father and brother, and Jimmy's been threatening him to keep HIM safe from HER.
• Frank's favorite boxer, Mickey Ireland, makes a cameo in the Memorial Day Parade in season 3 as one of the guests of honor. He's in even worse shape than he was after losing the televised fight in the first episode.
  Sue: [watching Ireland bleed from his ear] That is a lot of blood...
• Bob Pogo pointing out how non-discriminatory Mohican Airways is:
  Bob Pogo: [pointing at a smiling and waving Rosie] Look at our Negro. He's happy and well fed.
• Kevin drinking vodka. Then hugging it at the end of the episode.
  Bolo: We brought soda. A special kind of soda. With something extra added to the soda. Something that's not soda. Something from Russia!
  Kevin: When you guys gonna win one?!
  Frank: You're a fucking embarrassment, you know that?! Get out!
• This exchange between Frank and Kevin during the parade.
  Kevin: Dad, can I PLEASE hang out with Lex and Bolo?
  Frank: No.
  Kevin: God! This is like a kidnapping!
  Frank: You're my property, Kevin. I'll stuff you in the trunk if I have to.
  Kevin: Dad, come on!
  Frank: I'll "come on" you!
  (Lex and Bolo begin laughing at what Frank just said and Kevin starts laughing too.)
• Frank's outburst over Kevin flunking algebra especially after he finds out he got a D-Plus in English:
  Frank: HEY!!! STRIKE UP THE BAND! (Mimics drumming and sings in tune of Star and Stripes Forever) 3 CHEERS FOR MY D-MINUS SON!!!
  Kevin: D-PLUS!!!
• Anthony Bonfiglio humping the tv while repeatedly saying the names Wayne and Wanda.
• Goomer's wife finally catches him being creepy at the Murphy's house. Goomer blatantly lies to her and says that Frank is the real deviant.
• Frank so hates his father, he told a 4 year old Kevin that he(grandfather) lives on a comet. And Kevin still believes it to the present day.
  Frank: You ever wonder why we never see my father?
  Kevin: Cause he lives on a comet.
  Frank: The fuck are you talking about?!
  Kevin: That's what you told me when I was 4!
  Frank: ...Oh, that's right. I did.
  • Becomes a Brick Joke when Frank's dad comes to visit in the ending scene of season 3.
    Kevin: I guess the comet landed.
• After Bill runs away in season 3, he wanders around the city and eventually stumbles into the black neighborhood bar, only for the bartender and guests to panic that "missing white kid" had been in there, making them a huge target for the cops. The bartender forces him to leave at gunpoint.
  • Bill finally snaps over all the crap he's been forced to endure when he tries calling for help from a payphone, only to find a homeless man using it as a bathroom. He manages to push over the booth with the hobo still inside.
    Bum: Your generation is ruining this country!

Season 4

• Father Pat is doing the confession. A lot of people end up confessing a lot of the messed up stuff that they did or know.
  Bridget: I stole a headstone from a cemetery and blamed it on my brother.
  Goomer: I knew Chet was being poisoned and I didn't do anything. I'm a watcher, not a doer.
  Nana Rose: My son is actually my nephew, because my dead sister was a whore.
  Mr. Fitzsimmons: I ran over a telephone pole and blamed it on my son.
  • Father Pat is relived when confession hours are over, only for Frank to barge in so he can talk to Father Pat about the recent events in his life. Father Pat tells him confession is done for the day while noting that he'd be more willing to bend the rules for Frank if he came to Mass more often:
    Frank: Okay, I'm sorry about my lack of attendance. But coming to Mass blows my whole Sunday right out of the water. I got to get up early, shave, pile the family in the car. Then once I get here, I'm kneeling, I'm standing, I'm kneeling, I'm sitting, shaking hands with people I don't care about. And even then it's not over because I have to take the whole family out for waffles! Everybody gets waffles! And there's another line. We can make waffles at home, but no, we have to go out where the whole town's getting waffles! I got my wife a waffle iron for our anniversary. She said, "What's this for?" I said, "So I can have my Sundays back!" So, yeah, I don't go to church, okay? Because I figure I'm not gonna make it to heaven anyways! None of my dreams have come true in this world! Why should the afterlife be any different?! But I've had a really bad run lately! Today was my worst day in months! My wife and kids think I'm crazy, and I don't know what to do with myself! So you are gonna sit there, listen to what I have to say, clean it up a little bit, break the news to him, and tell him to get off his fat cloud and give this guy a win!
    Woman: [knocking on the door] Sir, I'm sorry, but we can hear you out here.
    Frank: And God can see you interrupting me, so go fuck yourself! [He opens the door and sees the woman is a nun. He then closes the door embarrassed] Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I... just told a nun to go fuck herself.
• When Big Bill is looking for a place to stay, Evelyn suggests that Big Bill use Goomer's trailer because Goomer never uses it. Goomer hesitantly agrees, before running off to clear the stuff that's in it.
  Goomer: That's-that's right. I don't use it for anything. Heh heh heh heeh. [Beat] Just give me some time to clear some stuff out. And bleach the walls. Shit shit shit shit shit.
• Everyone's horrified reaction at Pogo's new appearance due to his massive weight loss in the hospital.
  • He's so weak from the weight loss and heart attack that he literally can't keep his eyes open because the eyelid skin is too heavy.
  • Pogo explains the medical name for the loose skin, and names it Gordon. When he and Frank are driving to runway, the tractor won't move.
    Pogo: I think Gordon is stuck in the wheel.
• Frank cursing out Mrs. Breckman in front of a bunch of kindergartners.
  Frank: [Bursts into the classroom] YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, LADY!
  [Everyone gasps]
  Anthony: Mr. Murphy said the "fuck" word!!
  [All the kids being to yell out the word fuck repeatedly]
• When Vic sees a painting of Cutie Pie in Bolo's garage, he immediately destroys it, yelling angrily. He then goes back to his genial self and continues talking about helping Kevin and his buddies get on the radio.
• Anthony finds one of Goomer’s records from the box he buried featuring an actor from his favorite show and the actor in the record constantly says “Eat that nasty pussy”. When his parents find him, he says it to them and his mom drops him in shock.
  Anthony: Ow, my pussy!
• Frank insists that the crib he picked out for the new baby is perfectly fine, only for the gate to swing down and chop off the head of the baby doll occupying it. Big Bill's Eye Take in response just sells it.
  Frank: Eh. It would take a few whacks to go through a real kid's neck.
• When Mohican staff needs training on the new X-ray machines, Bob Pogo's excitement over going to Cleveland, Ohio of all places, is over-the-top.
  Bob: I love a city that isn't afraid to stand up to the Surgeon General!
• Bob Pogo's freak-out after Hobo Jojo is replaced by a black actor (because the original actor, the reporter Jim Jeffords, was put on indefinite leave due to his racist behavior).
  Bob: WHAT THE FUCK?!! A COUPLE ASSASSINATIONS, AND THEY GET WHATEVER THEY WANT!
• Bob Pogo doing the clam challenge.
  Bob: Clams are the salad of the sea, Frank.
  
  Bob: WHERE! ARE! MY! CLAMS?!!!
  • Not to mention the (almost literal) shitstorm of Toilet Humor that ensues after Bob manages to win the challenge by eating 100 clams in one sitting.
    Bob: [running to the bathroom] WARN THE PEOPLE IN THE NEXT TOWN!! TELL DOLORES I LOVE HER!!
    
    Bob: WHY IS THERE SMOKE?!
  • The next day, we find out that Bob somehow managed to destroy the plumbing for their room.
    Bob: I've never apologize to a toilet before…
• On the way back home from Cleveland, Bob reveals that he tried to keep Mohican Airways profitable by saving as much money as possible, which included reducing the budget for maintenance. Right after he says that, one of the engines of the plane they're in starts to crash.
  • The turbulence results in Bob's stomach getting flattened into Frank's face.
    Frank: Get it off me! Get it off me!
    Bob: I can't! Gordon's got a mind of his own!
    Frank: Oh, fuck you for making me die like this!
  • After the plane stabilizes, it's shown that the turbulence resulted in Red mounting Rosie.
    Red: Alright. Am I the only one with a boner?
    Rosie: Get the fuck off me!
• While walking to the hospital to have her baby, Sue is harassed by Jeffrey, who calls her names while running circles around her on his bike. She responds by throwing a stick at him, which ends up causing him to crash and sprain his knee.
  Sue: Awww. Are you hurt? There's a hospital two blocks that way. You can walk there, you little shit. [proceeds to steal the bike and drive to the hospital]
• During the final hockey game, Bill steps down (by slashing the ref's leg) to let Jimmy have a chance of impressing his dad who's doing the coaching, and Jimmy proceeds to beat the crap out of several of the opposing players with his hockey stick... as well as Phillip, who's on his team, just for good measure. Then he gets ganged up on by some of the other players, and Phillip jumps in and elbow drops him.
• Smokey decides to help Rosie come up with a campaign to fight back against Tangenti. He types up a letter, which is readable as a Freeze-Frame Bonus. Rosie reads it, distracts Smokey, and quietly throws it away.
  "Now listen UPP u motherfukker — we don want no FUuckkin dogtrak in our fugkin town # and that's all there is tooo it! you dO what the fuck Rosie tell. you and don't give him 8*shit about it neither or Ill com down #nd fuck you the fuck up ! You understad me? I'm talkin at you, you grEEzy ASSt motherfukkk!$$?&!"

Season 5

• Right after Sue tells Kevin that she can't imagine life without Frank, Kevin ruins the moment.
  Kevin: Wow. I never knew you loved dad.
  Sue: Jesus, Kevin! Why do you think I married him?!
  Kevin: I don't know. To make him stop yelling?
• Kevin tells his mother that everyone knows that she smokes.
  Sue: I don't smoke.
  Kevin: Come on mom. We all know.
  Sue: Fine. There's one pack I keep in the liver bowl in the refridgerator.
  Kevin: And in the toilet tank, uhh the back of the clock, your Kotex box-
  Sue: Why were you in my Kotex box!?
  Kevin: I was looking for cigarettes.
  • We later see Anthony playing around with said Kotex box and the cigarettes in it.
• Sue has a flashback to when she fought with her father on her wedding day while in the middle of sex with Frank.
  Frank: (in response to Sue yelling "More!") Sue, you're on fire! Old Frankie boy's still got it!
  Sue: (eyes closed) Shut up dad!
• After Kevin gives a speech about his grandfather dying, how that's affected his family, and his fears about the future, Mr. Durkin shares some dubiously heartwarming words before ordering all his students to turn around so that he can cry.
  Random student: Heh heh. Durkin's crying again.
  Mr. Durkin: I hope you all overdose!
• When Ginny propositions a bum, the bum quickly refuses before running away.
• Due to how often people use his name when committing crimes, the cops don't believe Jimmy when he says his name is Jimmy Fitzsimmons.
• Kevin once again mistakes Judaism for Satan worship when he has dinner with Alice's family.
  (after Alice's family's prayer) "Hail Satan."
• Vic's idea for a family photo is for him, Cutie Pie, and Vic Jr. to sit on the couch completely naked. The photographer is visibly disturbed by this.
• When the cops teach the boys to hose down the detainees, one of them is revealed to be Jim Jeffords. Phillip enjoys having the chance to hose "Hobo Jojo" in the balls.
• Bob Pogo's entire season arc, which ends up being one hell of a Laser-Guided Karma backlash for him. He decides to finally open that fried chicken skin restaurant, which he finances by stabbing his co-workers in the back and helps seal the merger. It flops because most people find the idea of just eating the skin disgusting, and the whole restaurant ends up burning down on Thanksgiving after Pogo gets into a fight with the mayor during the parade. And since he put himself into debt with the mob to buy the building, he spends the rest of the season on the run to avoid getting murdered.
  • Bob ends up broke after the fire because he didn't insure his restaurant. He spent that money on a poorly made chicken mascot costume which he DID insure!.
  • A closer look at the menu in the restaurant shows that it's not just the meals that consist of chicken skins, but even the salads, and the drinks! No surprise that their first customer, who just came in to use the bathroom, decided he'd rather shit in his car than order something.
  • Not to mention how insanely wasteful the whole process is. Rather than buying skin in bulk from a slaughterhouse or a butcher shop, where it'd be considered trash, Bob bought whole chickens, skinned them, then threw the meat in the garbage!
• When Sue finds her brother Louis at a bar and convinces Louis to come to Thanksgiving at her house, she says their father Stan is going to be there. Since Stan threw him out of the family due to being a homosexual, Louis angrily walks out of the bar saying "Fuck that old man!" Just as he reaches the door, the bartender thinks Louis is into elderly men and gives him directions on where to find some.
  • When Sue first steps inside, the bartender gives her directions to a transexual bar, and after she points out she's a biological woman, he directs her to a lesbian bar. Their town apparently has a very active LGBTQ-scene, as lampshaded by Sue when she first arrives, having a whole list of underground clubs with several names crossed off.
    Sue: Jeez, this town has a lot of gay bars...
  • The TV in the bar is showing ''Bruce Again'', and every time the Camp Gay main character says his Catchphrase, the whole bar cheers along. Also, Sue is under the impression that the actor who plays him is straight in real life. He has to be, since he's married to a female jai-alai champion. Louis is amused at her naivete.
• While Maureen is watching Megan, a Thanksgiving commercial is playing on tv, starring Colt Luger. However, after saying that it's almost Thanksgiving he realizes in the middle of the commercial that he forgot to pick his kid up from summer camp.
• The Thanksgiving parade features a balloon of cartoon animal Sleepy Ramirez... with anatomically correct features. Cue a shadow of its member falling on the crowd, with everyone looking shocked at the sight.
• Jim Jeffords drunkenly insults his former co-star who is the master of ceremonies at the parade. As he is yelling, he is stepped on by an elephant, which then proceeds to put its trunk up his ass off-screen.
• When Vic asks Phillip is his mom can help him feed a fussy baby, Phillip says she's never had that problem. Cut to her breastfeeding Anthony in the living room, with her husband doing everything he can to ignore it.
  Vic: I went to Tijuana once and paid 30 pisos to see that. [shakes his head] Never again.
  • Going to Goomer and his wife starts out with a funny conversation.
    Goomer: Heya Vic. What uh- what're you doing here? Worried about what wild animal left that surprise in your walkway last night?
    Vic: Nah man. From the looks of that poop he's not going to be around much longer. Something eating him alive from the inside. You know what I mean? Like a goddamn alien in there.
• Otto's reaction to seeing Stan and Louis dressed up as Charlie Chaplin is to scream "They cloned him!" before running away.
• Kevin, depressed over Alice dumping him, mistakes Randy for her and gives him a hug.
  Kevin: Oh Alice, I missed the smell of your hair.
  Randy: You're gonna miss your head from your body you fuck! [raises an axe wrapped in a bow]
  • Right after running away, he makes the same mistake.
    (offscreen) "Still me asshole!"
• Frank's car getting towed after he left his car parked in the "Bus Zone" at the station. Apparently he was under the impression that it's okay as long as you leave the blinkers on, which Smokey taught him. The tow truck driver just flips him off.
  • Before that, he gets thrown out by the station manager while checking if the station has the locker his key fits into. The manager assumes he's either homeless, or a closeted gay guy.
    Manager: Well, unless you're catching a bus, or cruising for anonymous sex, get the fuck out of my station!
• Kevin asks Otto for help on how to become Jewish in a misguided attempt to get back together with Alice.
• Kevin accidentally setting the grounds of the local synagogue on fire. And through a series of poor phrasing, making it seem like Otto's fault. Whose name he finally gets right at the worst possible time.
  Otto: You pick now to know my name?!
• The film containing Red and Carl's porno, "Fuck School", is accidentally swapped with a Sleepy Ramirez film. When Bill, Phillip, and Jimmy charge kids to watch it, none of them are prepared for what they see.
  • When Frank walks in on them, he tries to block out the image with his body, which only makes Red's Gag Penis appear on his face in front of the kids.
• Maureen is surprised that her father is okay with her mother taking her to church to be straightened out, because she can remember him saying: "Church is 58 minutes of BS and 2 minutes of shakedown."
  • She gets to see several church staff argue about how religion works. Just as the arguments are finished, Maureen mentions that she read that Jesus was actually born on April, which causes all of the staff to start yelling at her.
• When Frank had The Talk with his father, Big Bill wasn't very understanding or helpful.
  Big Bill: (while fixing the kitchen sink) Women are the devil. Don't ever touch yourself. And now quit bugging me and hand me that fucking monkey wrench before I hit you with it.
• As punishment for almost burning down a synagogue while trying to get Alice back, Kevin is forced to work for Smokey, who makes Kevin call him "Black God".
  • Another moment for Smokey; he's attending Rosey's opening for a new basketball court at the local rec center in the season premiere, and is shown crying, only to state that it's not from how touched he is, but because his organs are shutting down.
  • Smokey yelling at Kevin over how petty his girl troubles compared to Smokey's issues.
    Smokey: As of this morning, I got $14 to my name! In change! Got a cricket living in my ear. And, I'm about to lose my foot! Not 'cause of diabetes, 'cause of gambling. Joke's on them though, it's been dead for years. 'Cause of diabetes.
• The disastrous television ad produced by Alaquipa Airlines to advertise the merger with Mohican; it shows two planes colliding in mid-air, complete with burning shrapnel and the screams of passengers in the background with the logos of Alaquipa and Mohican smashing together to form "Alahican".
  Female Announcer: Alahican - We're On Fire!
  Male Announcer: Kids Ride Free!
  • It then cuts to Frank and the other Mohican employees staring at the screen in horror and disgust.
    Ed: In retrospect, letting Mr. Stanley Kubrick have full creative control was a mistake.
• Nguyen-Nguyen cheerfully describes what she'd do to troublemakers, who are brought to prison by cops to Scare 'Em Straight, if they ever end up incarcerated with her.
  Nguyen-Nguyen: You mess with Nguyen-Nguyen, you're dead. Don't believe me? Ask husband. Oh that's right, you can't. I killed him.
  [one boy reacts fearfully]
  Nguyen-Nguyen: Ah. You make a pee-pee your pants big man? Wait 'til I make you act out Kojak with me. "The Strange Case of the Disappearing Lollipop." [points at the boys] It go in your ass.
• Just as Frank is leaving the Christmas party to go to the airport, he catches Ginny with his sister in his car.
  Frank: Aw, Jesus Christ!
  Ginny: Frank, you'll never guess what I just discovered about myself.
  Frank: I kinda guessed it when I met you. Out of my car!
• Kevin is not very good at apologizing to Alice's brother Daniel.
  Kevin: How's your jaw?
  Daniel: (through gritted teeth) I have to drink hamburgers through a straw now!
  Kevin: No way! They make that? You must be really good at sucking!
• Jim Jeffords' attempt to claim that his pregnancy fetish was a lie concocted by the mayor to ruin his reputation is undermined by the fact that he's rubbing Bob Pogo's fat belly while saying so. Rosie and Bob Pogo both look uncomfortable and unbelieving at this.
• Louis tells Maureen, who asked if he's like Bruce from "Bruce Again", that if she ever wants to see real gay people on television, she just needs to watch Bert and Ernie.
• Harmo-Nation is performing at the airport stunt show where Buster Thunder has been convinced to do the jump after a lot of pleading from Frank. He decides to do the jump right then, 20 minutes ahead of schedule, before he loses his nerve, and Harmo-Nation is standing in his path. Mid-song, as they see him approaching, they suddenly sing "FUCK!" in perfect harmony before clearing out.
• The mystery surrounding Big Bill's dying words; "Box 16". Frank spends the entire season trying to find out the meaning, first thinking it's related to a bunch of junk, mostly old Chinese food takeout menus and a stolen ashtray, he found in a box among his dad's stuff, until Sue pointed out the box actually said "91". After finding a mysterious key with the number on it on Bill's keychain, Frank spends episodes looking all over town for the lock it fits, almost giving up, until he discovers it's for Locker 16 at the local bowling alley, where he finds a bunch of old cassette tapes his dad recorded, and spends weeks listening to them, hoping that they contain some kind of fatherly advice or epiphany, even though it mostly seems to be Big Bill's audio diary. After all that, the Series Finale reveals that Bill's last words weren't "Box 16" at all, it was "Bach 16", AKA, the BWV 16 by classical composer Johann Sebastian Bach, which had been used for the melody of Bill's favorite White House Beer jingle back in the 30's. This is revealed in the last few minutes of the entire show!
• As Frank arrives home after having found a level of closure with his father in the Grand Finale, Bill and Philip are playing street hockey, and much to their shock, he greets Philip politely rather than telling him to go fuck himself.
  Philip: Maybe he's sick?
  Bill: I would say he's drunk, but usually that just makes him meaner!
• The last line of the show is a remarkably amusing Actor Allusion.
  Frank: Don't slack on your studies, Bill. Can't make a living making people laugh!

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