Funny / Central Park

Funny moments in Central Park.

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Season One

Episode One

• Birdie is initially Wrong Genre Savvy when it comes to animals in "Central in My Heart".
  "Where the animals can talk!" [...] "My mistake! They cannot talk."
• Molly defends her habits of definitely not stalking a boy.
  Molly: I wanna watch him. From afar. But respectfully!
  Paige: No, of course.
• The fact that Birdie has to peek through the Tillermans' window and points out it's not creepy so he can introduce the main characters to the audience.
• The Big Bad is a tiny, wizened Womanchild who frequently Crosses the Line Twice and looks like Dolores Umbridge had a child with Burgermeister Meisterburger. She's introduced wistfully remembering her missing dog's "bizarrely hard-to-treat worms" and eating illegal cream made from whale anus because she just hates whales that much.
• Helen sings her intention to spite Shampagne by eating his favorite dog food.

Skater's Circle

• Owen notices the Rhyme Theme Naming with Gary and his best friend named Larry and doesn't know what to say about that.
• When Paige fells asleep during the City Counsel Contract Committee Meeting, she wakes up and asks a guy next to her what she missed. The guy tells her she missed a fist fight between two congressmen, and when Paige asks when it happened, the guy tells her 1998, making her feel foolish.

Hat Luncheon

• Bitsy trolling Owen by spilling water from her hat onto his leg and telling him it looks like he peed. Bitsy's childish immaturity in general is hilarious and her insistence that "knee-pee" is a thing is a perfect example.
• The entire musical war between the city officials and the Park League people.

Garbage Ballet

• The fact that there's a musical number where the park staff and garbagemen are doing ballet while they take out the trash, with special mention going to the guy dancing his heart out atop the garbage truck and the guy at the station who almost fumbles his trash bag.
• Paige slowly losing her mind over the phantom rats conjured up by an accidental overdose of cold medicine, with Cole not far behind.
  • When Owen asks how Paige and Cole are doing:
    Paige: How dare you be happy and healthy! The basement is full of rats!

Dog Spray Afternoon

• Some of the narrators rules such as no wagering, no fake accents, pants are mandatory, and "don't smile too much, it's creepy".
• Unlike Owen, Molly is actually interested in graffiti, and when Owen tells her not to as they're a scourge for him, she says it's a passing interest at best. Cue a quick Flashback Cut of her watching graffiti and saying "Cool." three times, even drawing her own in her notebook.
  • Molly then tries to defend herself by saying that graffiti is bad and that tagging the fountain is a heinous and death penalty-deserving crime. Owen even says that's too much.
• Owen tells Molly and Elwood to look mad at the "Shart" graffiti on the fountain, although Elwood can't help but having fun when using the pressure washer on it, despite Owen telling him to keep being mad.
• When Cole gives Helen a hug, she gets freaked out by it and thought Cole was attacking her really gently.
  Cole: Well to be fair, this is also how I would attack you.
• When Molly suggests using her nail polish remover when Owen is out of paint thinner, he asks her if they can use it on a guy who fell asleep on a bench.
• The normally calm Nature Lover Owen loses it when a tree has become the tagger's latest victim, to the point of having a noticeable (but unseen to the viewer) vein popping on the side of the head.
  Owen: (seen from behind) WE DO NOT TAG TREES!
  Molly: Look at that vein on the side of your head going crazy.
  Elwood: Oh yeah. Look at that. That is scary.

Rival Busker

• Birdie tries to derail Griffin's narrative by busking loudly at him. Griffin simply takes his bow from him.
  Griffin: You need to go! Go, bad boy!
  Birdie: No! I-I'm a good boy!
• Bitsy making herself a beard made of soap in her bath.
• "Too Close" all the way through, particularly the boy and his pig.
  Griffin: When there's a boy who loves his piggy
  Birdie: Sounds like a great piggy
  Griffin: But the pig gets really biggie
  Birdie: Piggy's gotta grow, gotta fly
  Griffin: And his daddy says, "It's time to give me Piggy"
  Birdie: What?
  Griffin: "He's coming with me"
  Birdie: Oh no!
• Just before finding Anya in a dumbwaiter, Molly was walking the hallway eating ice (not ice cream, just... ice) in a basket.
  Molly: Mmh. Good ice. Fancy ice. So cold.
  • Anya then wants to hide elsewhere, as she was umconfortable inside the dumbwaiter and didn't have enough place for her farts.
• The bad things Anya's family did include murder, arms dealing... and fixing the Oscars.
• After Bitsy and Helen failed to find Anya for the wedding so she can have her business talk with Dmitry, she considers chaining Dmitry to a radiator until he gives her the money. When Anya returns to the wedding, Bitsy runs up to Anya and grabs her hand and tells Dmitry she found her.

Squirrel, Interrupted

• As Owen and Cole are having a moment via a hug, Cole's friend Enrique starts hugging them too.

Hot Oven

• "I'm In A Perfect Relationship" is the perfect mix of sweetness and completely earnest ridiculousness that characterizes the best first crushes.
  • There's some meta-humor from the fact that this is Kristen Bell's second cutesy duet about idealized love with a guy who's last name she doesn't know. Hopefully this goes better than the last one.
• Molly making Chewbacca noises as a way to tell Cole to change the subject next to Brendan if the conversation gets weird.
• After reading Bitsy's scathing article about Central Park, Owen and Paige take their revenge... by drawing all over the small cartoony Bitsy picture on it to the point it can barely be readable, even including a fart cloud.
• As we all know, Birdie's narrating style involves him looking through the Tillerman's window to see what they're doing. But when he goes to see how Owen is doing with his pizza, he gets caught off-guard when he sees Owen by the window while he's washing his hands and he sees Birdie outside. When Owen asks what he's doing, Birdie tells him he was just passing by his window and changes the topic by bringing up his pizza.
• Brendan's lack of reaction during "Imperfectly Perfect", as if he doesn't know how to proceed when seeing his girlfriend and her family singing a song using a pizza that fell onto the floor and still ended up delicious as a metaphor for preferring imperfection. In fact, he only reacts once, when nodding no after Molly asks him (while still singing) if he wants to go.
  • The Tillermans end up botching the end of their song, and agree to do it again, this time right.

Live it Up Tonight

• In a Flashback Cut of Zoom giving a pop culture walking tour of Vanilla Sky in Central Park, Zoom asks everyone if they need him to explain the movie before he gives the tour, and everyone immediately raises their hand up.
• Molly and Cole mistake a couple in the tour group for a father and daughter (as the boyfriend is taller and bearded), and get disturbed when they kiss each other on the lips.
  Cole: (whispering) She's really close with her dad.
  Molly: (also whispering) Yeah, she is, like too close.
• How did Elwood lost the receipt for the worms? He folded it into a temporary home for Dianne, a worm he adopted as a pet.
• The store the worms were bought at is called "Soil Yourself". Apparently, Loren Bouchard doesn't limit businesses with puns in their names to Bob's Burgers.
• Elwood's soulful, out-of-nowhere dedications to his pet worm during "I Did Not Account For This."
• By the time Owen and Paige arrive at Soil Yourself, Paige's shirt is so soaked in rainwater we can actually see her bra beneath it.
  Soil Yourself employee: I have that bra. And I have a mole like that.
• When Molly finally finds Cole, he's stuck upside down on a fence he tried to climb on, and has to take off his pants to get free. Even better, Molly points out he could have just walked around the fence, as it ends a few feet away from where he is stuck.
  Cole: This way was faster!
  Molly: I can see that.
  • Cole doesn't put his pants back until the end of the episode, even after coming back home with Molly.

A Fish Called Snakehead

• The Tillermans take spicy cheese bread so seriously that Owen tells his family that he's going to fight them, weapons and/or bare knuckles, for the last piece. Cole says he's going to rub the bread on his butt to claim it, but Owen and Paige will still eat it regardless.
• Mayor Whitebottom telling Bitsy that making the Central Park deal will be difficult when he reveals she's the most disliked person in New York. He did a poll between her and the East Side Strangler on who's more unlikable as a baseline; the Strangler did better in the polls, making Bitsy the new baseline.
  Whitebottom: I could sell the park to the East Side Strangler today.
  • During "New York Doesn't Like Your Face", another poll asked what's New York's most hated thing, with the options being slow walkers, New Jersey, Bitsy, rats, and tourists; Bitsy is the highest.
• Birdie's "The Villain Sucks" Song about Dick Flake.
  Birdie: Oh, Dick Flake is a lying piece of cake! Dick Flake! No one's as fake as Mr. Richard Flake! He bought that fish like he bought a pound of steak!
• Helen's response to Bitsy saying that she'll "get that park or die trying"
  Helen: Please, pretty please, pretty please die trying.

Season Two

Central Dark

• Paige is told that she's the one who lies easiest in the family. When she asks them for one time she's lied, we see a montage of her lying: getting out of going to a wedding by claiming her kids don't have Winter Break, telling Owen he looks good in a ridiculous jacket, and telling Molly that she and Owen were married before she was pregnant with her daughter.

Mother’s Daze

• Every Mother's Day, Bitsy dresses up Shampagne as her deceased mother and spends the day pretending she's actually having fun with her mother.
• The instructions that Helen gives the other employees of the Brandenham Hotel before going to enjoy her day off is simply "Don't bother Bitsy."
• Upon realizing she's sober, Bitsy acts as if she's dying. She then travels down to the bar via the dumbwaiter to get the drinks she wants.
• One of the things that Paige wants Molly and Cole to promise is to let her snuggle them in bed, "even if it makes your spouse feel weird". When Molly acknowledges "Yeah, that might be weird for him," Cole interjects "well, then he's a jerk!".

Fista-Puffs Mets Out Justice

• Fista-Puffs expecting a response from two knight armors after a quip.
• Once the simulation has ended, the minotaur Fista-Puffs fought is revealed to be quite a nice and amiable guy, whose name is actually Dennis. He even has a dog named Mr. Fuzzy.
  • After Fista-Puffs finally succeeds the simulation by containing Dennis in the arms and armor room, he can be seen having a phone conversation in the background, when she gets complimented by Sha-Boom and Haze.
• Haze continuing to dance even after her and Sha-Boom's song "Pow Pow Boom Booms" has ended.
• When Fista-Puffs secretly listens to Sha-Boom's phone conversation with her mom in the bathroom, she learns about her plan to diminish her powers with a diminishing ray. The conversation then takes a sudden change in subject after that revelation.
  Sha-Boom: Yes, I had lunch. I don't know, like a hot-dog? I'm taking care of myself, Mom. So what if I had that for breakfast?! God! Hot-dogs have proteins and they taste yummy! I'm gonna diminish-ray you... Nothing! Love you, Mom!
  • "She's diminishing my powers! That power diminisher!"
• Fista-Puffs tries to prove to Haze that Sha-Boom is conspiring against her by punching her.
  Haze: (barely reacting to Fista-Puffs' punch) You just punched me in the stomach?
  Fista-Puffs: But it didn't hurt that much, right?
  Haze: It didn't feel great.
  Fista-Puffs: (winding up for another punch) Let me do it again.
  Haze: No!
• After Molly goes back into reality, she's disappointed that there's salmon for dinner.
  Owen: Don't knock it, it's brain food!
  Molly: I'd rather eat brain.
• Cole tries to help Molly feel better by giving her salmon skin. It doesn't work.
  Molly: (bluntly) Thank you. You're a bad person.
• At the very end of the episode, Hazel and Shauna look at the comic Molly is drawing in the subway. While Hazel likes how she looks in it, Shauna complains that she looks like an angry old man.

Of Course You Realize This Means Ward

• Elwood wishes to open the show with a song called "All of the trees in the park say 'Yeah'". Apparently, he usually tries to sing one verse for every tree in Central Park. When Owen suggests he call it "Some of the trees in the park say 'Yeah'", Elwood offers to sing faster instead.

Sir Bricks-A-Lot

• Owen is so eager to get the Stacksters that he almost leaves the house without pants until Molly points it out to him, although she and Paige are disappointed that they won't be able to see him going outside in his underwear.
  • Towards the end of Paige's story, Molly is amused that she finally got him to leave the house without pants (as his Stackster version is in a wrestling outfit) when he comes saving Stackster!Paige.
• Each story is depicted entirely with Stackster blocks, including the characters who are represented with Stackster figures who walk by making small hops without really moving their legs, not unlike South Park characters.
  • Also, the Tillermans use figures that look the closest to them regardless of the sense of their outfits. As such, Stackster!Molly is dressed as a gymnast, Stackster!Paige is a long-haired mermaid (with her mermaid tail replaced with normal legs so she can walk properly), Stackster!Cole is an astronaut (which at least makes more sense, since he goes in space during his story) and Stackster!Owen is a wrestler.
• For some reason, Paige's new life includes her swimming with dolphins before releasing them into the ocean.
  Stackster!Molly: This took a weird turn.

Bee Is for Brandenham

• Molly sarcastically pointing out the weirdness of a grown man like Marvin attending summer camp.
• Owen and Bitsy meeting again when he and his park crew comes to remove the bees from her hotel:
  Bitsy: What took so long?
  Owen: Bitsy Brandenham.
  Bitsy: Park person.
  Owen: I am a park person and proud.
  Bitsy: Tell that to your dumb sunglasses.
  • Bitsy watching the park crew struggling to suck the bees in the vacuum.
    Bitsy: These people suck at sucking bees.
  • When Owen accidentally knocks the bee vacuum out of Fran's hands and spills the bees out and they latch onto Fran's beekeeper suit, everyone else is panicking while Bitsy just looks completely unamused by what she's seeing.

The PAIGE-riarchy!

• Owen is moved to tears twice after learning that Molly got her first period. The second time, he tells Molly that it's because Paige stepped on his foot.
• Paige's energetic rock song about loving your period. Understandibly, Molly is very embarrassed by it.
• Enrique wearing an old period costume to Molly's period party because he misinterpreted the party.

Castle Sweet Castle

• Paige's reaction after Molly and Cole found Owen's guitar and displayed their... "skills" at playing it.
  Paige: (to Owen) Should we hide the guitar maybe? Or break it?
  • In the French dub, Paige asks if they should burn the guitar instead of breaking it.

Celeste We Forget

• Molly and Cole chanting "Sock store!" when Celeste mentions a sock store having a sale.
  Owen: Nope. Sorry, we're going straight to the flower.
  Cole: But we chanted it!
  Molly: Yeah. Does chanting mean nothing to you, dad?
• "SMURFS DON'T HAVE NIPPLES!"
• Paige accidentally drinking essence of wombat urine an essential oil saleswoman gave to her, thinking she was offered a drink.

Season 3

Paige's Next Chapter

• Back at Oshkosh, Abby taught stage combat and gave a kid a bloody nose.

Ice Ice Not Baby

• Upon being told that the microphone for the sound system at the ice rink can only be used by non-employees to find missing kids, Molly claims that she's looking for hers. The guy in charge doesn't even question it.
  Employee: (after Molly finds Brendan) Go, go to your son.

Golden Owen: Manager Damager

• Interim Mayor Leeds plays around with a ceremonial giant pair of scissors while talking to Owen on the phone, resulting in him accidentally cutting one of the curtains in his office.
• A woman at the Park Managers' Conference mistakes Paige for someone else named Bev. She only realizes her mistake after meeting the real Bev, who's half Paige's size.

A Matter of Life and Boeuf

• After learning that the anonymous buyer is her brother, Bitsy has a tantrum in the kitchen and spills as much food as possible.
• Cole keeps the beef that Shampagne spat out as a souvenir, much to his family's disgust.

Slumber-Dog-Molly-An-Aire

• Just as Paige is psyching herself up to free herself from the bridge, the boys that Molly and her friends were hoping to meet up with find her and give her a hand.
  Boy: Uh ma'am, do you need some help?
  Paige: Uh, yeah, maybe like a minute ago, that would've been great. Never mind, forget it, that's very nice.
• After the boys tell Paige that they were given permission to visit girls so long as they got back by 10 and checked in every 15 minutes, she offers them $10 to repeat that sentence in front of the girls.
• Bitsy reveals that her bad dream was an Erotic Dream about the hotel's handyman right before he shows up to fix her broken bed.

A Killer Deadline

• Abby is grossed out by Helen spitting in her hand before shaking hers.
• Owen going "full dad" by picking up Molly and hugging her tightly while crying, much to her discomfort. The second time he does it, Molly complains about getting his tears into her ear.

Money Candy

• Molly and Cole are so fixated on the eponymous K-Pop band that they bring up random facts about them to their parents at any given time. At one point, Molly woke them up in the middle of the night just to tell them about member Min-Jun's pet bunny named Bunny Candy.

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